Meat Pao – Just an Asian boy who can't get his shit together

You nose it.

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 13:19:00 +0000

It would seem rather abrupt to appear with a post suddenly announcing I just did a surgery on my nose, but here you go.

Before regaling the trials and tribulations I underwent to arrive to this day with my pisai still covered in dried blood, no, it was not a cosmetic procedure. I had wanted it to be a cosmetic procedure, but the doctor was obviously being ignorant when he said "I didn't need it," and the only way for me to have it sponsored by the SAF is for my nose bridge to collapse as a complication of this functional procedure.

For the longest time I have been plagued with ENT issues... I would actually say my whole life. I had a snoring problem that nobody knew the cause of (I even underwent sleep apnea tests!), until it stopped when I had a tonsillectomy from my chronic tonsillitis. As it turns out, my tonsils were so naturally enlarged (EVERY TIME I visited a doctor and they decide to check my throat, 95% of them would remark - in awe - at how large my tonsils were. I also have a similar reaction when they check out my di-) that they would rub against each other causing the snoring. Who would have thought right? Knn.

Secondly, I was always having a runny nose and never knew why. I actually have allergic rhinitis, but for some reason, throughout the course of my childhood, doctors only casually threw this phrase around like it was not a big deal. I was given nasal sprays since I was about 6? I would use them for a while and then stop, not only because they didn't work, but also because they tasted like shit once they travel down to your throat. At some point in secondary school, I started consuming antihistamines for what I thought was just a simple "runny nose" problem that my unfortunate being is just cursed with. For the longest time, I had assumed the antihistamines were actually flu meds and I just had a very unfortunate immune system.

Many months ago I had enough of that shit. It occurred to me that there is NO WAY any normal functioning human being is supposed to have a runny nose that often, and on top of that, on bad days I would wake up with a very irritating feeling that went up to the back of my throat as well as my hard and soft palate. It was a feeling that was so overwhelming and virtually impossible to get rid of.

That was when I did allergic tests and found out I was allergic to dust mites, house dust, and cat and dog dander. And guess what? I have a dog at home, dust is every fucking where, and obviously there would be dust mites pretty much every fucking where as well. That would explain why my allergy is perpetually TRIGGERED, causing me to feel like shit.

Even then, after receiving these findings from a private specialist, I was offered no long term solution. I was simply prescribed antihistamines, the same kinds I have been eating for the past 900 lifetimes. Doesn't make any fucking sense right?

Feeling bitter about the world, I continued living while marinating in my salt when one day, Jiarong introduced me to a clicknetwork video where Oon Shu An tried out a Sinus Rinse, because he knew I always had problems in that area. My interest was obviously piqued - what is this fascinating thing I've never seen before? Wah, available at Guardian ah? GOTTA HAVE IT. Immediately made a trip down to Guardian to get it.

So if you didn't watch a video, it's basically a squeeze bottle you're supposed to fill a saline solution with, squeeze it up one nostril, and it will flush all the triggering allergens up there down the other nostril, and everything will be fine and dandy.

Here's the shookening part - when I squeeze it through one nostril, the water did not come out the other nostril. It would come out from the back of my throat instead, indicating an obvious blockage.

I thought it was just one of my bad allergy days, so I tried again throughout the next two days, making sure I took antihistamines to prevent the same thing from happening. Didn't work. That's when I knew shit is fucked up. In fact, it literally occurred to me that for the entirety of my life, I have actually been only able to breathe out of one nostril. Obviously since the sinus rinse incident, I've been especially cognisant of this phenomenon. I thought it might be because of my deviated septum (where the bone on the inside of my nose is slanted, very common, and also a phrase the specialist mentioned but casually shrugged off), but no. The blockage appeared to vacillate between either nostril, but never both. Can't be my bone moving by itself right?

I made an appointment at a polyclinic and they agreed I had the typical throat of someone with allergic rhinitis and referred me to NUH (even though I specified I wanted SGH, but apparently NUH was faster). My doctor was amazing - he immediately suggested going for surgery, something that I probably should have been told from day 1.

Basically, my allergies cause the inside of my nose to swell, causing the blockage. But because of some sciencey shit related to an "allergy cycle", the swelling changes sides to "take turns" and let the original side rest. Wah, didn't know allergens work in a team.

So the solution was to not only straighten my very minor deviated septum (it's a very by-the-way thing actually), but also, in layman terms, remove some of the flesh inside my nose to provide a buffer for my nose to swell when it wants to without obstructing the normal airflow. In scientific terms, it's a septoplasty and a turbinoplasty. Despite my diagnosis having the letters "rhin", I was not required to have a "rhin"oplasty. Disappointed.

So anyway, the surgery was done really quickly (about 2 hours, warded for one night), though my nose was literally dripping blood for the first week because I had plastic splints inside my nose to hold my septum in place since it's been messed with and shit. On top of that, every time I spat out what I thought was phlegm would actually turn out to be dried blood clots... yep, bon appetit baby.

But one week after removing the splints, I managed to effortlessly breathe through both my nostrils for the first time in my entire life. It actually felt amazing, though I was more amazed that I lived 20 years not knowing I even had this problem.

Two weeks on, I haven't actually experienced anymore incidents of me waking up in the morning with a terribly stuffed and snotty nose, and I haven't had to blow mucus out of my nose since the surgery. I feel amazing!!! I would honestly say it's life-changing and I'm glad I did it. Feels good man!

Konvinced by KonMari

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sat, 21 Jan 2017 16:58:00 +0000

I have to admit: I have been telling people I am a "recovering hoarder" for a few years now.

Because while I have definitely gotten over my hoarding tendencies, I am still at about the halfway mark towards getting rid of my excesses.

Until I just read Marie Kondo's book on the "Magic" of Tidying. It's going to sound ridiculous, but for once I actually found a book that addresses my problem of hoarding.

For people who want a tl;dr, basically, Marie Kondo (hence the name of the method, KonMari) teaches people on tidying, or rather, the method where one only keeps things that fulfill one of two categories: (1) Things that fulfill a functional purpose, and (2) Things that "spark joy" when you physically pick them up, i.e. trigger a positive emotional response.

Then you discard the rest because they're basically "noise" to your environment and mental state. Supposedly, once your mind has been cleansed by decluttering, you are able to think clearly, be more energised, and in very extreme cases, discover what is it you really want out of your life.

I completely buy it. Honestly, for someone so non-religious like me, I actually believe in spiritual energies, that things occur for very spiritual reasons. I am especially a fervent believer that Mahjong tiles have spirits embedded in them, and I subscribe to the belief that the tiles can read your mind - if you ponder too much over a tile that you eventually throw away, they tend to always come back to you, because that's the kind of assholes these Mahjong spirits are. And how you cannot stand up until it's the West wind.

So now, I am a Marie Kondo worshipper.

I'm going to get my life in order and start tidying the shit out of my life!!!!!!!!! Minimalism FTW!!!

Just earlier today, I suddenly remembered I kept a box that contained all my ticket stubs that dated all the way back to 2008 - bloody 9 years ago, can you believe it?! Surprisingly the stubs haven't faded yet, and they are still the classic small, perforated GV white-and-yellow stubs.

I also found, oddly, a box that had an assortment of clothing tags (I'm such a weirdo) for some reason. I need to STOP. CAROUSELL EVERYTHING!!!

iPhone woes

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sat, 01 Oct 2016 07:17:00 +0000

Yao siu, I actually wanted to hold out on this iPhone 5s, which I've used since its release in 2013, until prices for the 6S right now drop, but alas, things were not meant to be when my phone decided it'd be a good idea to slip out of my grip when I was closing my bunk door last week.

It fell front face-down and the entire top left corner is shattered and chipped. Plus, it now keeps pressing random areas of the screen which irritates the shit out of me when I need to actually use the phone.

And all this happening at such a "serendipitous" time got me thinking that Jesus probably wanted me to get an iPhone 7 LMAO. I guess its time is up lah, my iPhone 5s the last three years actually chalked up quite a long resume already anyway:

1. Broken silent mode toggle
2. Broken headphone jack (So essentially, I've been using the iPhone 7 before it even materialised. Hipster much)
3. 1 x bootleg battery replacement (At Sim Lim square for like $60? Damn)
4. Broken torchlight / camera flash (yep. No idea how that happened)
5. 1 x bootleg screen replacement (At an ah tiong shop in JE for like $80 lol)
6. LATEST: Shattered screen + moves on its own

But I think if my phone isn't in such a tragic state now I probably would've held on to it until the next year. I've reached a point where I'm totally cool with changing phones in 3/4-year cycles. That's one thing about ageing I actually wholly embrace!!! I no longer see the need of wanting to own the latest / best anything anymore, especially IT gadgets. Damn expensive sia. Except this case, because the iPhone 6S 128GB is actually more expensive than the iPhone 7 128GB lol. Yao siu.

I was actually thinking of getting the Rose Gold colour but after playing around with the matte black one (or as the guy who tended to me at Singtel says it, "blake" colour) I realised it was too sexy to not get that colour lol! Plus, not a big fan of the phone having a white frontplate... maybe I'd consider it if it was black at the front and rose gold at the back.

Wooo!

Anyway, can I just take a moment to spazz about how happy I am with Utada Hikaru's new album?!?!?! Bitch I waited 8 years for it to be out!!! Albeit it's a more mellow album because half of the album is about her mother's suicide, but I think it's coming at a very good time when J-Pop in 2016 has been shittier than ever before. Her collaborations on this album are absolutely A+++++++. It was a long wait but totally worth it.

Oh yeah, forgot to add on one stupid thing that happened. I was so caught up with planning my Tokyo trip that I actually missed the deadline to register for JLPT N2 in December. Fuck, right? I had thought in my head the entire time that registration was only going to open in mid-September, but turns out they had closed on Sept 9 zzz. So basically I have to pass the July 2017 exams by hook or by crook, otherwise I'm pretty much fucked4lyfe.

I've had it with these survey people

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 08:44:00 +0000

I have officially HAD IT!

I know I am a bitch for saying this. But I hate how society's overly-goody-two-shoes, Virgin Mary types like to say that we should understand why people do certain things because they're simply trying to make a living, or something along those lines. Or try to understand that perhaps, just perhaps, what they're doing is against their own will and they have no other choice but to do it.

But let me take a moment to talk about people who ask passers-by to do their stupid surveys on the streets.

The act in itself is harmless. I agree. Sometimes, people just siam after they see my resting bitch face, or when I calmly reject them. But lately some people on the streets are so fucking stupid, and not to mention RUDE that I just need to express my frustration.

CASE #1 - That bitch near Burlington Square

I was walking with Edrie to LaSalle to catch a play, so we were walking to the location from Bugis MRT and were about to reach the traffic light that you cross to Burlington Square. Suddenly, from the top right area of my vision, I see this chao ah lian holding a stupid flier ZOOM across me diagonally, completely ignoring me, and targeted Edrie to my left. I immediately knew why because the first words that came out of her mouth were "Hi do you go to Malaysia often?" She was holding a flier for some shit about travelling to Malaysia.

I was so fucking appalled I turned back, looked her straight in the eye, and said, "Wow, just because he's Malay?" She stopped dead in her tracks, and I continued staring straight back in her eyes as we walked away. Ask her to fuck off with her racism lah. Bye.

CASE #2 - That bitch right outside Causeway Point who AMBUSHED ME OUTSIDE MCDONALD'S

Was walking into Causeway Point to find someone, and as I was strolling along the side of the exterior of McDonald's I felt someone's finger annoyingly tapping on my arm. I thought it was a friend who wanted to say hi so I turned around. It's this fucking bitch wanting me to do a survey. She was like, "Excuse me are you an NSF?" whilst holding a clipboard with a stack of survey sheets.

WHAT FUCKING AUDACITY OF THIS BITCH!!!!!

Seriously I am so DONE with these people. Since when did they have the authority to AMBUSH people from the back and TOUCH people like that? PERSONAL SPACE?! HELLO?!

I have to admit, I didn't think quick enough to ask the woman why she touched me because all I wanted was to get her to stop following me cos I was already running late.

The worst part is that she probably thought she could've gotten away with it just because she is a woman. If it was a male doing this to a female he would've obviously gotten into shit. So I can honestly ascertain by 80% that this bitch was playing double standards to her favour. So fuck that.

And I'm sorry not sorry. My personal belief is to not do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you.

Salted Eggs! Kroyzens!

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sun, 10 Jul 2016 12:36:00 +0000

I am now a self-proclaimed salted egg croissant connoisseur, simply because I've made the conscious effort to taste (almost) all of them around... I think I just haven't tried Starbucks' one, because it's too basic (I am aware of the irony of the situation).

In terms of the BIG croissants (or as I affectionately call 'kroyzens' thanks to random auntie at BK), I feel like Asanoya's one is still the best (never got to try the original Antoinette one). The rest are too hard and "crusty", very unlike the texture of a crassic kroyzen. Not a big fan of their matcha version though.

In terms of the SMALL croissants (that typically go for $1 a piece), Bunmaster is the least nice one, because their kroyzens taste like bread, and the filling is only concentrated on one spot of the whole thing, so you have to endure 50% of nasty, salty "bread" for the heavenly filling that comes after.

Breadtalk used to be the best one, overtaking Breadsociety, but now I think the best one is Four Leaves'. Not only are theirs the biggest out of all $1 rivals, but they also offer the cheapest bulk discount if I remember correctly – 1 for $1, 2 for $1.90, 3 for $2.70. And let's just say there is soooo much of the delicious, velvety filling that there is NO way you can eat this without it jizzing all over the plastic bag they put it in. It's really pretty damn good if you ask me.

But let's all take a moment to remember that croissants are made of 50% butter as well so... (watch from 4:07 onwards and proceed to die)

Speaking of salted egg yolk, I have to say that despite all the flak it receives, McDonald's new Salted Egg Yolk burger does have its own merits.

PRO-TIP: Remember to order with EXTRA SAUCE. It doesn't do anything with regards to its subtle taste, but it does make the burger really wet, and who doesn't love a wet burger, yknowhatImean? ;)

Also, the salted egg yolk sauce actually can taste lah, you just have to "try very hard to taste it". I'm pretty sure y'all know what I mean. It's when you REALLY want to dissect the taste of something, so you keep focusing your energies on tasting it, which might sometimes involve the involuntary moving of the tongue up and down? Or don't tell me I'm the only one who does it?

Another on my list of obsessions lately: BEARD PAPA'S. It's so heavenly despite its pedophilloic name. The latest white chocolate eclair puff with cookies and cream filling? Fantastic. I can't get enough of those. I think they should have some sort of membership for that place.

I never thought this would happen to me #2

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sat, 02 Jul 2016 15:06:00 +0000

Last year (or 2 years ago), I blogged my first case of "I never thought this would happen to me" when my house keys fell through the gap of the elevator. Here's part 2.

As I've learnt in many health education classes about Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease, seeing the gruesome pictures more or less made that phrase a very dirty word in my vocabulary. And at the age of 21, I would've never imagined that I would contract it in my life. Ever. Plus, I generally dislike terms with words relating to feet in them.

UNTIL I ACTUALLY GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first thing that came to my mind was how my unit is going to FLIP. And they really did. Because immediately after I was diagnosed with it and informed them about it, the entire camp went into hardcore mode and installed tens and hundreds of disinfecting hand sanitisers all around camp (which, one month on, are still there. I consider this my legacy), and my colleagues, who have only known me for 1.5 days, had to disinfect the whole office AND my bunk. Thankfully, we're still friends........ or so I think....

At first only my bunkmate, Keith, got it right after our graduation parade (pics on Instagram, lazy post here lol). He was diagnosed the very next day on a Friday.

Which was why when I realised I had 2 ulcers in my mouth (I haven't gotten ulcers since I took off my braces - hallelujah!), and had small, tingly bumps appear on my hands a few days after, my mind flashed back to the time when Keith and I were at Pasir Laba Camp's cookhouse and he used his cutlery to pass me his unwanted chicken wing, and I passed him 2 of my ngoh hiangs.

And I was also reminded that the very next day after returning our parade-wear, we went to Sushi Express where he and I shared a slice of unagi, which was delicious. That, and also another instance where we basically shared saliva. Aka indirectly made out. Cue mental imagery.

So friends, HFMD is very real and can happen to adults. Also to all my friends who study / are studying Medicine, I know you've been taught that HFMD is transmitted through fecal-oral contact, but I can guarantee I did not involve (and I will NEVER involve) in any scat fetish activity.

But to be honest, I've always had a weak immune system so that's probably why I got it. Contrary to popular belief HFMD is not common in adults AT ALL (I have become a self-proclaimed expert in HFMD, because I had nothing to do during my 7-day MC except research about my own disease, and watch 2 seasons of Friends).

I even went to Pink Dot (which I am technically not allowed to, and I'm not sure if I can be arrested for it. And I'm not referring to the homosexhusness of it, I'm referring to HFMD.) and nobody got hurt. Other than the fact that my friends freaked the shit out 2-3 days later when they got "symptoms" for HFMD, when it ended up not even being it! Cheebyes.

Anyway some life updates! Turns out, I got posted back to my vocation's training school, which I was totally surprised by, because I only knew I was interviewed to be the personal assistant for DB's commandant, lol.

Turns out I was posted to be the personal assistant for my school's CO. For the civilians reading this, it basically means I am the slutty secretary of the school principal whose duties include replying emails, and bitches about anything and everything as a pastime. And if you know me, you'd know that's soOOoOooOoooOooOoo me, and I feel so lucky. This is basically my poly internship with a less stressful job and a 50% pay raise. Plus, it's going back to a familiar place.

Am also thinking of going back to Japan in September wooo! Hopefully I don't die or sth

Cab ride thought #1

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Mon, 02 May 2016 11:14:00 +0000

So in my course, we have one female cadet amongst the 150 of us. And whenever we have a lecture or a lesson being conducted, many a times when the person teaching is about to make a crude or inappropriate joke, he would either:

1. Ask the female cadet to cover her ears
2. Ask the female cadet to "pardon" his words
3. Change the language altogether simply because there is a female around.

And I'm so baffled by this. I can't help but wonder - is that what makes married men so oppressed because they always have this latent need to be "gentlemanly" or whatever the fuck you call that? And by extension, and I'm going out on a limb here, could this also somewhat contribute to infidelity in men? Because they are too tired of this inherent oppression they may not even be aware of?

Ok, but benefit of doubt, maybe they just wanna be a nice person. But I just don't understand why just because ITS A GIRL means you have to be nice and tone down your language. Like, why???????????????? You wanna sleep w her meh?

I don't know but I'm very pro-gender equality so I enjoy shooting my mouth regardless of whoever or whatever gender is around me. That's how I'd like an ideal world to be but that's just my personal belief. I just don't see the point why a certain gender has to be singled out to be treated differently just because.

But whatever. Based on personal experience I'm not a fan of army regulars. My close friends know what I'm talking about.

~*food for thought cos I'm bored on a cab*~

OH MANZ

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sun, 17 Apr 2016 10:25:00 +0000

Was so disappointed earlier to find out that Jurong Point's Breadtalk was sold out of salted egg yolk kroyzens :(

Kroyzens is also how I'm going to read and pronounce croissants from now on (unless I'm in a situation where I have to protect what little I have on an image) because that's exactly how I heard an auntie pronounce it a few months back HAHAHA. I was particularly fascinated by the way she said it with so much gusto, accenting the "K" and the "Z".

I really love salted egg yolk so fucking much eh. I swear to god, I am so on top of this fad, which I hope will last for a lifetime. I will eat anything with salted egg yolk. The only thing that I've had with salted egg yolk that turned out to be bad was Pastamania's pathetic attempt at an SG50 salted egg yolk pasta (that shit was bland) but everything else has been so awesome.

I don't understand why anybody wouldn't like it. Maybe cos I'm Cantonese and we all dig eggs that are not in their purest form – salted egg, century egg, you name it, we love it, unless it's balut. I've actually looked up videos on how to make my own salted eggs, but I literally have to keep them in a brine for a month before I can use them, which I don't have the patience for, clearly. You know what I also really like? That soupy kangkong that they like to cook with garlic, salted egg and century egg. I should probably learn how to do that someday cos it's GOOD SHIAT.

This is also my second time in the last six months to have some kind of throat infection which I am pretty sure is once again contracted from the army. URGH! I hate communal living. The first time I got a throat infection it lasted for a good month from BMT all the way to the midpoint of SCS. I'm so annoyed. And I've decided to repair my image by showering slightly more often now (*ahem* am I really tho?) but that is clearly not helping my throat. Maybe I've been giving one too many BJs, who knows? Hmm...

---

Lately I've been very curious towards the notion of why us as human beings like to seek entertainment so much. We all watch TV, movies, go for concerts and festivals, blah blah blah, and entertainment in some form or another plays such a big part in our lives that I can't help but wonder why.

I do know for a fact that entertainment played a big part in post-war times because at a time when a country is in shambles entertainment is the thing everyone can look to for some form of happiness, or rather, escapism. I get that.

But a few days ago I Google-d for a few answers, which I spent an accumulated time of 5 minutes skimming through, because of my unfortunate lack of an attention span, and found that it's because we as humans lead too leisurely lives if we're found to look for entertainment too much. I might be wrong because I evidently didn't read all that much, but it said that human beings by nature are resilient and are meant to overcome adversities and shit. So when that isn't present in our environment, we start to chillax and decide to look for things to just "pass time" / entertain us until shit hits the fan lor, basically. Which is what contributed to the fall of the Roman empire, apparently. Maybe that's why we're all so fat now. That's why there's Netflix and chill. AHHHHHH!!!

---

While I don't know how, I think I'm going to start saving up because I'm planning to go to Japan in September this year. And I might wanna go to Taiwan as well. Plus I need to save up and replace my shitty, 3-year-old iPhone 5s, which by the way, is so shitty that the headphone jack and camera flash doesn't even work anymore LOL! Clearly dropped it way too many times. Sigh. But yeah. Money probléms because of my first-world needs :(

PSA

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sun, 06 Mar 2016 12:11:00 +0000

So I have a very tragic announcement to make.

It's not exactly the best thing to have. Or rather, the best condition to have.

Am I going to die? Well, under the wrong circumstances, I just might.

Are people going to shun me after seeing it? You bet they would.

No, I am not retiring. (#casuallytryingtopullaRebeccaLim)

I suffer from Stage 4 Resting Bitch Face.

It's actually really bad.

As anybody in NS would know, you have to constantly switch around to different camps at the beginning. From Tekong to PLC to my current camp (literally from the East to the West), the success rate at which I have been called out for my Resting Bitch Face is a stunning 100%.

Sometimes it takes me by so much surprise – usually it starts off with someone staring at my face, to which I would stare back and wonder what's up. "Travis why do you look so du lan?" "Travis why do you look so gloomy?" "Travis you look very sad eh what happened?"

LULZ!!!!!!!

Then I have to proceed to explain about how I have a resting bitch face and it's just like that. Is this what Rui En goes through on a daily basis?

I won't deny that it has helped me in many situations though. For example, salesmen and people doing flag day and surveyors won't normally approach me because I look so damn pissed off. They literally shun me, which is great. I hope that keeps up.

In other news I have unfortunately racked up an unfortunate reputation in my bunk to be a very dirty person. Not mentally, because that's universally known. But physically. SO ANNOYING!

It all happened one day after close combat training where I didn't sweat a lot. Didn't sweat what, so it's fine right? So in my state of not giving two shits, I decided to lie down on my bed. And the entire bunk got sooooo appalled by the fact that I didn't bother to shower first before lying down on my bed?!?! CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME THIS IS OKAY PLEASE?

From that day on they've decided to replace the word 'dirty' in their dictionary to 'Travis'. "Don't be so Travis lah!" Walao eh...

Last Friday before booking out we had physical training as well, after which, as I actually do most of the time, I immediately went to shower. After changing into my civilian clothes and packed my bag, FOUR bunkmates asked on separate times, "Travis you got shower or not?" OMG!!!!!! It's not even in a joking way. They were legitimately, genuinely asking if I had showered. AHHHH!!!

It's alright, as long as I know I'm clean nothing else matters!!!!.... until I contract some form of disease.

-

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sun, 24 Jan 2016 12:43:00 +0000

Sometimes I find myself to be more emotional and sensitive than I'd like to be. It's a bit crazy because there's always a war of words going on in my mind.

I miss everything about the real world. I miss engaging in intellectual conversations with people, talking about the things that matter; it's been a while since my mind's been stimulated / challenged.

The army feels like a separate world of its own, detached from the true reality. Perhaps for some, they relish this kind of escapism because of their own personal circumstances. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't crave the everyday sights of what used to be my normal routine.

I miss my routine of going to work every day, and then either going to the gym after work, meet up with my friends or going home to study Japanese or practice music. It felt like such a productive routine (and Capricorns love routine and hate change).

I miss my worry-free Sundays when despite knowing I have work the next day, it's okay because I would still look forward to going to work.

I miss being around people who know that everything we do shouldn't be about upholding one's pride because we all know that is stupid, but rather, centred around doing things that matter to the bigger picture.

I miss a world where titles don't matter (so much).

Most importantly, I miss spending time with the people who matter in my life. Time is seriously, ridiculously limited.

I can drink 7 cups of positivi-tea every day but at the end of the day, deep inside, we're all fighting internal wars nobody else can see. It's just a matter of whether you want to show it or not.

楽しいそうに笑って　誰でもロンリー
Even if they all laugh so joyously, everyone’s lonely

It's not exactly the most positive post I can write when the year has just started, but though I know that this phase will pass too, when you can't dealz, you can't dealz. I know things will get better eventually.

Here's my basic bitch 2015-in-review post

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 08:55:00 +0000

I've said it before and I'll say it again that 2015 has been one of the best years I've been in and WOOO! It feels good to be alive!!

Here's some nasty ass shit I've done over the past year:

Ended my dream internship at 8 DAYS magazine which was soooo much fun. Prior to me, there had been no male and/or polytechnic interns there for many years and I'm glad I didn't disappoint. Thanks to my good kaypoh skills I also found out that the current intern there now is also a guy from NP's MCM!

Includes token ang moh couple

Went on our graduation trip to Krabi / Thailand where we got drunk, krunk, and landed ourselves in strip clubs, booby-and-pussy-grabbing and all.

Graduated with a Diploma with Merit in NP's Mass Communication! Wooo!

Began my foray in the advertising / social media industry with Havas media which brought me amazing opportunities and experiences – including an all-expenses-paid trip to a private island.

Caught Katy Perry and the holy trinity of J-Pop live (ayumi hamasaki, Koda Kumi and Namie Amuro)

Got my JLPT N3 certification after failing that shit 6 months before

Went on my first solo trip to Osaka, which I have yet to blog about, where I officially became an #onsenadvocate and a #nudityadvocate there

And lastly, enlisted into the army, where everything is pretty much going to go downhill from here.

I may have made some mistakes, but there ain't no ragrets. 2016 is going to be a hell of a shit year, but I'm not going to slow down and I'd be damned if I don't get my JLPT N2 tbh.

I'm even gonna be celebrating my 21st birthday in a jungle in Tekong lol! Not to mention the weekend before that is burnt as well, so I'll probably just forget I even have a birthday. :(

Am also on the lookout for affordable drum teachers in the West so if anybody reading this has a lobang it'd be greatly appreciated~~

Time to get a little salty!

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sun, 20 Dec 2015 11:45:00 +0000

It's the last day of my block leave after passing out and tomorrow it's back to the grind again, Jesus Christ.

Fortunately I got posted to ~*SCS*~ so the camp is like 10 metres from my house, compared to Tekong which was all the way in Ethiopia, so woop woop! I'm gonna be a sergeant siak!

There was once I took the public transport to Pasir Ris for the first time to book in because my stepdad wasn't free, and I totally underestimated the time taken and realised it when I was at Queenstown station so I had to loser-ly alight and grab a cab instead LOL.

Anyhoo, passing out from BMT was such a bittersweet feeling. My section was super fun to be with (and while I have no basis of comparison, I would like to think that my section tbh was the best section in the platoon) and I had lots of fun with them lah.

During our 24km route march (more on that later) we were so bored we started going round asking one another what is one thing they are thankful for in BMT. I said I was thankful that NS allows us enlistees to go in as a clean slate – devoid of our past achievements, history, education, what not. We knew nothing about each other to form any sort of pre-conceived notions or judgements, and you know I judge people the moment I see their hair. But lo and behold there weren't any there either!

So it was really nice. I've become good friends with people, after knowing who they are, I probably wouldn't have approached or come in contact with in real life. So that's what I really liked about being in BMT.

Anyhoo, the 24km route march, besides the ability for me to even do so, made me realise two things I never knew I could do either – get abrasions on my thighs where my pockets are (I had my wallet and phone in them LMAO) and LITERALLY sleepwalk.

Sleepwalking is like the best shit. My eyes would be 3/4 closed, opened just enough to look at the person's shadow in front of me to make sure I keep proper distance. I did several conscious experiments and realise that I was able to keep pace better sleepwalking (not to mention feel better) than if I were to be awake. Who would have thought right? Also, by the end of the walk my name wasn't even Travis Chan anymore. It was The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

My only gripe with NS is how my English has gone down to the shitters because everybody speaks TERRIBLE ENGLISH! I swear to God, one of the things I'd like to achieve as a sergeant in my future unit is to promote good English practices. Seriously. To any future enlistees reading this, please take out an exercise book and write this:

Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree.

And this:

The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets".

For the betterment of our society, please.

So I got my posting on Friday. I'll be completely honest to say that I thought I had a fighting chance to get posted to OCS. THERE I SAID IT BITCH!!! BUT I DIDN'T!!!! LOL.

Am I being salty? You bet I am!

I think what makes me upset more, too, is that after browsing Facebook like the kaypoh I am, I see so many nasty people getting posted there, which is like, the first time in my life I really question the system. I guess some people just manage to slip through the cracks. Is it because I have a French stepdad? Is it because my dad went through four marriages thus my family background is officially shady? Is it because I have no tonsils? ~*Who really knows*~

But Magdelene was being very real yesterday with me by saying that I am really only upset because it's the first time in my life since PSLE that I am not getting the "top" position. Fair enough, I'm not going to deny that it's an ego thing. HAHAHAHAHAA!!!! So I guess it makes sense that I am in SCS because at least I know my heart would be in the right place. Aiya the military system is flawed anyway and it's not like I have intentions of signing on and/or put my NS rank in my resume (Seriously, some people find it's okay to do it but I'm struggling to find the direct relevance?)

I'm not sure if I posted about this before here but I've reached a point in my life where I believe everything has happened for a reason, and that at times like this God probably has better plans. I'm not religious but it's a state of mind that has proved to be very effective in getting my shit together LOL. #zen So, hopefully everything works out in SCS if this is what has been bestowed upon me.

The year is coming to an end yet again and this has been such a good year. It's been a great time to be alive. Not to mention I think I'm in love.... ... . . .. . ... . . . . .. . .. .. . . . .. . .. .. ... with the coco.

Maybe some time next week I'll do another post to review my year. Despite the fact that army will literally be my entire 2016, I have plans to do things to maintain my sanity so hopefully everything works out in that department too. Can't wait for time to fly by tbh, as much as I hate to anticipate the onset of ageing, as usual. My 21st birthday is going to be on a weekday in camp leh, kanasai!

I got soul but I'm not a soldier

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Thu, 12 Nov 2015 16:26:00 +0000

In exactly one month I will be passing out as a SOLDIER Y'ALLZ!!!

Here is an obligatory photo of me bald:

Are you ready for this jelly?

NS has been... a very trying experience. I remember bitching about it before so many years back, I think in 2008 or something, about how I really didn't want to go through NS.

I still think it's stupid lah, but for very irrational reasons. I totally get why we need it. And as I grew older I looked more and more forward to serving NS, with big dreams about how I'm going to give it my all, wanna be an officer and all that kind of shit, and take this as a once in a lifetime experience (which it is), mostly for the bragging rights to tell people in other countries "Eh I was in the army before leh" HAHAHAHHAHAHA

But the first time I went in, I swear to God, one day felt like one week. And it was that feeling for the most part of my first week. It's really quite emotionally draining. But I guess everyone deals with it on their own internally. At one point I thought I was gonna go insane. But after the first week everything just went by so quickly, and by now I've already completed my 5th week, and I'm still alive! I'm already halfway there leh!

Being in one of, if not THE, strictest and / or fiercest company here, I will honestly feel extremely proud of myself if I make it through alive at the end of this. Seriously. I didn't even think things here were being run so intensely until my other friends in companies tell me how things are like on their side lol.

Here is the one and only photo of me from the BMTC Facebook page, receiving "my" rifle:

The doneness shown on my face is not the result of a poorly timed shot. It is very real. My skin tone is also a representation of how I am as done as a well done steak.

As Joey once put it, this is truly the place where all the idiots in the world collide. I cannot count the number of times I have been proven time and again with how people can be so stupid. But that's not to say I didn't meet a bunch of cool peeps from my platoon – especially my section mates (there are 14 of us sharing a bunk). They're freakin' awesome and I think I got pretty lucky to be grouped up with them! And one of them is the token ang moh that draws the attention of everybody lol!

Surprisingly I've also been seeing more familiar faces than I thought I would. Seeing anyone from FMS makes me feel so happy and wish I was back in poly again lol. I even bumped into secondary school mates I literally haven't heard from since we graduated. I thought they fell off the face of the Earth, only to realise they're still alive!!!!!!!!!

The only hint of civilisation we get is the little pockets of time we get to use our phones in our bunks or watching Channel News Asia during meals. But as much as I hated hearing that I will "get used to it", it is true that you eventually get used to the regimentation and everything. I wouldn't say that I have "fallen into the system", but rather... I just do what I got to do lol. I still miss a lot about civilian life, but I think in one way or another, this also makes you appreciate civilian life more, as much as I feel like I don't even need it in the first place.

I am also one of the very few people who actually enjoy the food in Tekong. Thank Jesus Christ for my peasant tongue! Where even I find $2 ananas cafe chicken rice heavenly!

Some other things I am grateful NS has given me include the ability for me to eat a shit ton of junk food again. I can finally enjoy roti prata without feeling any guilt because I know I will sweat the shit out of it when I go back in the next week. Wooo fuck you calories! I am actually losing weight amidst all this bingeing. Is this what people with high metabolisms feel?!?!?!?! Cos it feels great?!?!!?!? Don't know what's the problem with y'all complaining all the damn time?!?!!

Nonetheless I will try to update more when I can! I need to stimulate my brain more through writing otherwise I will become dumber than I already am. Everything in the army gets so repetitive and routine that you eventually stop using your brain. Even my Japanese classmates tell me that I sound more "ang moh" when I speak Japanese now during class. Yep, my brain is dying :(

My First and Last City Harvest Church Experience

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sun, 25 Oct 2015 05:55:00 +0000

Yes, this might be an unwarranted, #toosoon kind of post, if you're Christian, I guess. But we all know I am a shit-stirrer, and I always like to tell this story so I figured I'll just lay it out here for my future self-reference in case I get dementia.

I remember I was in Primary 2 and I was playing at the playground at night with one of my childhood friends who I don't keep in contact with anymore. I vividly remember this woman who came up to us – I even remember her fucking name ok – WENDY! She wore black-rimmed spectacles and had brown hair up till her chest. If I remember correctly, she was also wearing a lesbian-esque polo shirt with jeans.

Anyhoo, she passed us flyers to go to City Harvest Church that weekend or something, because they had some kind of kids programme and wanted to get people to participate. I didn't think twice about it, because at that age, I knew shit about religion, and I didn't even know that I was going to go to a church. I'm not sure if I was that stupid or I simply gave no fucks.

So we made the decision to go anyways for some unknown reason, and I remember something happened that day that made me late / miss the shuttle bus – so the church actually got one of their members down to fetch me from Jurong Point and take a public bus there. Okay lah, that was actually pretty nice. In retrospect, I guess they're clearly very serious about converting people.

We got there and it was super crowded in the auditorium, and all I could remember was people singing Christian songs my friend and I had totally no clue about (the church people saw us not singing and told us to sing but WTF I DUNNO THE SONGS WHAT). But that's not the most memorable bit.

The most memorable bit was how at one point, we were all told to close our eyes and cup our hands. We were adamantly told that we CANNOT open our eyes – because Jesus would damn me to hell if I did (they did not actually say that, but I can't think of any other... logical... reason). If we did as we were told, Jesus, aka the volunteers, would give us a sweet.

So I closed my eyes.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Did I cup my hands wrongly? Correct what.

Waited.

Waited.

Waited.

And bitch, I never got the sweet.

That's exactly why I never went back to City Harvest Church.

Also, I lost my phone there. I still remember it was the Motorola Peanut Phone which had polyphonic ringtones, which made me the coolest kid in Jurong West's Art Park.

Also, somebody please tell Sun Ho her botox looks like shit:

Bitch looked like she went from Dr. Georgia Lee straight to the court! Nasty!

SMELLY CAAAAT

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Wed, 23 Sep 2015 06:21:00 +0000

SMEOWLY CAT

WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU?????

I'm watching Friends again, in the middle of Season 3 at the moment.

I would say re-watching, but I realised I watched it at such a young age I forgot EVERYTHING about it besides the theme song, which I used to also use as my Neopets profile BGM, MIDI version and all.

Reason why I know I forgot is because I didn't think a sitcom named "Friends" would have so many kissing scenes and going-to-have-sex or after-sex scenes. Take it from me when I say I would not recommend watching this on public transport.

Ban Mian 4 President

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Tue, 15 Sep 2015 15:55:00 +0000

For the past few months, I've suffered from the lack of having above-average tasting ban mian.

That was because the ban mian stall at the coffee shop beside Pioneer MRT decided to convert itself into a subpar satay beehoon stall. Boo you whores! I was a regular!

When the ban mian stall was still around, I remember that the noodles were always cooked al dente. I would deliberately tell the auntie / uncle not to cook them too much because like my ____, I liked my noodles hard (Fill in the blanks yourself! Go nuts!). And they got it right each and every time!

The only other place I've had my ban mian noodles cooked this hard (read: delicious) was at NP's Makan Place, and well, it's a bit loser for an alumni to go back to school just to eat kopitiam ban mian. But I've come to realise it's not about whether it's by koufu or not – it's whether the people in front the stoves know their shit leh!

Because of that, I've had to resort to buying shitty ban mian from Jurong Point's kopitiam. First of all, it's a total rip-off that that shit is $5.50. And it only has fish slices. The Pioneer MRT one was $5, which had fish slices AND minced pork bits! Plus, the Jurong Point kopitiam broth is bland with a mild taste of MSG that does not sit well with me. How can your soup use MSG yet still taste so bland? You tell me?

Unfortunately, I had forgotten to pack an extra pair of underwear today, for I had creamed my pants when I got to the Pioneer MRT coffee shop to find out that... the satay beehoon stall expanded its menu to sell ban mian again!!! Slap my ass and call me Nasty Nancy!

The staff have changed, and the ban mian no longer has minced pork bits if you order the fish option, but damn, the broth is heavenly. There is a very distinct fishy taste from the white fish, and they also brew the soup with ginger slices – and I LOVE ginger slices. If it weren't so butt ugly, I would have a ginger tattooed somewhere on my ass, to also serve as a symbolic gesture that I will never suffer from trapped gas again.

The Pioneer MRT coffee shop is easily my favourite lah, seriously. Got dim sum, got cai png, got chicken rice, got duck rice, got Tenderfresh Western food, got roti prata, got century egg porridge, got the famous ah lian bee hoon, etc. etc. And I can walk there and back in less than 10 minutes! Thank you to my MP! You're the bomb!

The only problem I have with that coffee shop is that the cai png stall has this fat, ugly Chinaman who is ALWAYS sweating when serving customers. That's right. I always fear for my life that his sweat would actually drip into my food.

There was once I really saw a drop of sweat drip down from his chin, which either landed on the counter, or on the dish tray in front of him. I didn't want to check to confirm. Let's just say I've sworn off ordering any dish that's in the row of trays nearest to the staff.

To all Pioneer residents, do take this as a warning!!!!!! You ain't want to see no Chinaman sweat in your food!!!!!!!! Not to mention he always looks so dulan and tired. Then sweaty some more. Walan.

Tomorrow marks the second last day of my in-house freelance stint at my current company, and I feel so sad yet relieved that I can finally take a breather before my NS. But it's been so much fun there – the company, the work, everything. It'd be tough to find another group of people I can work this happily with again, and I'm thankful that it happened even though it's been a short 5 months. I AM GRATEFUL!!! If God is real please bless me with more happy working opportunities for the rest of my life!

Eyes Eyes Baby

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sat, 12 Sep 2015 16:05:00 +0000

One of the things I used to really pride myself in when I was young(er) was the fact that I had perfect eyesight. Jiarong just reminded me about that time in primary school when I told him about how the nurse who tested my eyesight went all like, "Your eyesight very good ahhhhhhhh, perfect eyesight ahhhhhh" (OMG! WE REMEMBER THE DUMBEST THINGS!)

Especially so when everybody in my family is short-sighted except me! I am either adopted, or I am pretty damn lucky, and I am still struggling to know which one it is.

Anyhoo, all of this (partially) changed when I was diagnosed with Red Green Deficiency when I was around P5 or P6. (Cue sad music)

Ok, it sounds very tragic, but it's not. Basically, it just means I supposedly have "troubles" differentiating between green and red. But I can see both colours just fine. I see the traffic light colours correctly what - from top to bottom, it's green, yellow, then red, right? You cross the road when it's red, right? Right? Right?

I was diagnosed because I wasn't able to read the numbers during the colour sight test. You know when those nurses would come to your primary / secondary school and ask you to read what's the number amongst the assortment of red and green dots? Yeah, I remember not being able to even see a number. It was just a bunch of dots. So that was when I was referred to a specialist.

And I remember stepping into the specialist's room, where I had to read another set of numbers, this time with my mother by my side. But the difference between the primary school one and the specialist's one is that I could actually see numbers! I was so happy cos that means I'm not colour-blind right?

I read the first number and I remember my mother going, "Oh dear," and I was so confused, because I could clearly see the number. And as the patterns went by both specialist and mother looked more and more concerned. As it turns out, colour blind people are supposed to see a different set of numbers than the colour unblind people. So I was fucked from the back without even knowing it.

I even remember the specialist looking at me dead in the eye, and said in a serious tone, "Travis, you are colour blind," like it was a terminal disease and I was going to die. And to be honest, at that point, I wasn't even convinced I was colour blind leh! But I guess I can't blame myself because I also thought I wasn't fat, when in actuality I was really fat.

(But of course, no surprises again when I did my NS check-up last year and I got marked for colour-blindness too for reading wrong numbers just like that time)

BUT. Despite all that, I never actually thought my colour-blindness affected my daily life in any way. I still got my driver's licence so nothing wrong there what. I even think I got an edge during my O Levels Chemistry Practical Exam because I was able to get the invigilator to tell me the colours of my solutions – something I had trouble in, but I am pretty sure was not because of my problem. A dark brown solution sometimes confuses you whether it might actually be reddish-brown also, right? So what am I supposed to write?!??! SOMEBODY PLEASE VALIDATE WHETHER THIS IS A UNIVERSAL DILEMMA!

Up till my time in poly, the only other incident that made me realise the existence of my deficiency was when I created an icon in Photoshop and thought it had a nice, subtle, pinkish hue to it. When I showed it to Jiarong he asked me why I decided to give it a greenish hue (I tried to find the icon again but I think I had since made the icon super pink so I see it as pink furrealz now. By the way, 100x100 icons used to be all the rage y'allz! I feel so old school!).

But that was literally the ONLY time. So I just simply thought that maybe it only affects me when the colour is very subtle.

It wasn't until my poly days when I realised this deficiency has encroached upon another element of my daily life – flagging cabs. It's so weird. Let me try to explain it.

Let's say I'm standing by the road, and I'm looking out for a cab. Far into the horizon, I see a cab approaching – and I will see that the text on the LED screen on top is green! Means it's available! Yay! But as it gets closer, I will realise that the text is actually red. It was actually hired right from the start. And it's happened many times, so I highly doubt it was a one-off uncle-dont-like-my-face incident. I'm so sad :(

I wonder how many uncles thought I was weird for flagging when they're clearly red...

Anyway, I decided to blog about this because now I think my actual eyesight, which was once perfectly 20/20, is starting to deteriorate too.

I've been having to squint my eyes at things at a distance lately, to read things like signs and shit. I didn't actually notice I was doing it until Magdelene pointed it out to me a few days back. Sigh. I AM ALREADY 20! ISN'T MY EYESIGHT SUPPOSED TO STABILISE NOW!!!

Oh well. Maybe cos I stare too long at computer screens already, especially with my job and stuff. Can't be helped I guess! If I ever do need to wear specs I hope I at least look hot in them.

Got sugar or not?

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 16:53:00 +0000

I find businessmen so scheming sometimes.

Not that I can blame them because they have a living to make, but sometimes they're such capitalist assholes they have completely no ethical concern for consumers!

So I go this salad place very frequently around CBD for my lunch. They also sell fruits and they're always very sweet. At first I thought jin swee leh, they really know how to choose their fruits. But one day I was suddenly reminded back when I was interning at MediaCorp when I noticed the canteen's fruits were also very sweet all the damn time (and I bought them almost every day), and Jerald raised a conspiracy theory that maybe the stall holders soak the fruits in sugar solution.

It's very possible because the fruits would normally have been already sliced and displayed, so you don't know whether they soak it in sugar solution prior to displaying them. They don't cut the fruits on the spot, but at the back where a wall blocks the kitchen. *cue suspicious JENG JENG JENG JENG music...*

And the reason why I drew parallels with the salad shop was because I realised I wasn't getting exactly thinner from eating the salads / fruits there. I know, my reasoning is TOTALLY not shaky, right? Okay, I'll be mean and say it's also cos I partially noticed a large proportion of overweight OLs everywhere I go.

ANYWAY!

I was rudely reminded of the sugar solution conspiracy theory when one day, Magdelene and I were queuing for our skinnybitch salads when she overheard a conversation between the OL and the cashier, in Chinese:

OL: What do you guys put in this avocado juice? (They sell fresh juices that have "no sugar added" stated on the boards in-store)
Cashier: Er... *slight reluctance* vanilla...
OL: Huh? Avocado juice put vanilla?
Cashier: Er... vanilla ice cream
OL: Huh! Put ice cream ah! (Try reading it like an auntie for the lulz: Huh! 雪糕啊！)

JENG JENG JENG....... .... ..... .... .... .. .. ... . ....
I got to give it to them – they're not wrong what, technically really no sugar added!

So the question is... DO THEY SOAK THEIR FRUITS IN SUGAR SOLUTION?? I also a bit pai seh to ask. Imagine if they really do soak them? I can't stop buying from them right? Cos their salads are really very nice... #lol.

Anyhoo, just to be a troll, I decided to write in on their feedback form on their website:

No reply yet though, and it's been almost 3 weeks :\ stupid businessmen! Where is the care and concern for consumers! Fuck you all!!! Why can't I have healthy food that's convenient at the same time!!!!

And that marks my next milestone in becoming an auntie. Also, the other day I saw someone who added the following toppings to her salad: potato salad, egg mayo, canned tuna, hot dogs, canned button mushrooms, topped with... mayonnaise dressing. May I ask what is the fucking point?

Recently there's been a lot of cockroaches under my block too leh, and not one but two flying cockroaches decided to fly in to my house on two separate occasions! Kanasai! So I used that new app that lets you snap a photo and report any incidences conveniently to the town council via the app. Not bad, they responded within one day, and earlier in the night I realised there were a lot of dead roaches on the floor. I may be too young to vote, but damn, the benefits to reap during election periods are AMAZING.

Cai png

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 13:13:00 +0000

I love cai png so much.

It has almost anything and everything there is to homely, Asian food. I love it. You get to choose what you want, you get to control how much your meal costs, and in some places, they really go pretty darn cheap.

I love cai png.

HELLO!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 15:27:00 +0000

I think one of the reasons why I always don't feel like updating my blog is because I always feel compelled to include pictures, and let's say uploading pictures and then putting them into this stupid box is a bitch to do. So screw it no pictures for oyu!!!! (Or maybe I'll put them in at a later time, we'll see)

Anyway I can't help but feel like THIS YEAR HAS BEEN THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turning 20 really felt like I truly entered a new phase of my life. I don't know how to explain it. But I guess I've come to realise how different a person I am than I was last year. And that can also explain why I don't blog as much, because there's something about me no longer seeing the need to put everything I do out there on a public platform (I normally just Instagram / Tweet / Snapchat it, in order of glamorousness, btw, so all the lapsap moments usually go on Snapchat). But I still find writing a very cathartic process for me so here I am writing while my body is still riled up from having just finished a run!

Now that I'm older I think I do more self-reflection / zen posts, which are totally boring and might border on creepy because it's me talking to myself, so these posts normally go on a private blog that only I have access to lol. Usually if there are things I want my friends to know I would've already used my big mouth to do so on WhatsApp (woo, technology!!!). I also think I have many things going on in my life right now that I'm not comfortable revealing / talking about this publicly anymore for personal reasons. So I guess this blog only shows the happy, fun side of my life? I am a multi-faced bitch after all.

For the sake of nothing here's what's happened to my life lately, summarised in hopefully less than 1000 words! (Highly doubt it)

In February, I ended my 5-month internship with MediaCorp's 8 DAYS magazine! I can finally reveal it because this blog has content nasty enough for them to have fired me if there was the association, I think. Hahahahah.

Anyhoo, it brought back memories from secondary school, how my then form teacher, Miss Rachel Teo (who got married over the weekend btw), thought I was weird for wanting to write for them someday, because Edrie would buy the latest issue every week and bring it to school. So ironic how their target audience is like, adults.

Since then it's probably the only magazine I've religiously read, which explains why my level of weirdness has increased exponentially over the years. So you can only imagine how it was a dream come true for me when my lecturer-in-charge of internships told me that 8 DAYS was one of the internship choices when I asked her! My batch is literally the only batch in recent years (as far as I know) to offer a position at 8 DAYS, and not even the current batch of juniors on internship had that choice. I swear everything in life happens for a reason lor. GOD IS REAL!

It was probably the highlight of my poly life because I learnt so much about myself and so much about writing. This internship made me grow so much as a writer, and re-affirmed my passion for writing through realising the power of words. I want to go back to my second year just so I can rewrite all my nasty News Writing and Feature Writing assignments.

On the flipside, it's also made me realise that I probably don't want to dive into journalism as a main career choice. It's not that I didn't enjoy my internship. I just feel like it's better for me to keep it as a sideline hobby, or maybe a freelance kind of job. It's just the mindset of having deadlines and the fact that "it's a job" that stifles my creativity a bit, so it's entirely in my head lah. I still love writing a lot though.

But that's the point of internships right? It was actually a topic raised by the press during my graduation ceremony when they interviewed me, and I'd just like to say I truly endorse internships okay!!! Lol, so embarrassing cos the Chinese radio stations interviewed me and I didn't even know what 'internship' was in Chinese. I also just rambled a garbled mix of English and Chinese during the interview so badly that they ended up just telling me to answer in English. LOL!!! Fuck my life.

Which perfectly segues into how I just graduated recently! Woohoo! It was pretty awesome. I'm so lazy to say anything else about it. You can just see my Instagram feed for what went down, or my Facebook for more photos. Long story short: yes, I am the valedictorian for the second time in my life (what are the chances?), which is precisely why I invited Miss Teo because she made a bet with me that I wouldn't become a valedictorian again (LOL life is so funny), and hell yes, my speech was given the green light with no edits, and let's just say it involved chwee kueh which the minister who attended picked up on and used it in his Facebook post. Proudest moment of my life! Yay chwee kueh! We also got moderately drunk at 3pm that day. I am a terrible role model!!!!

And now I can also say I got sassed by a minister. Let's just say I felt AWESOME.

Also realised there was a pic of me on a CNA article on that day, which has totally nothing to do with me. It just happened to be my face.

And now to perfectly segue into another topic since we're on significant milestones in life, I would also like to proudly announce that I HAVE PASSED MY NAPFA TEST FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!!!! Thank god for new 3-station system to cater to losers like me!!! I am eternally grateful!

Seriously. If I can pass NAPFA, anybody can pass okay. Seriously.

I just officially completed my medical examination last Friday (because I was sent on a couple of heart tests from my first check-up, end up there was totally no problem and I was in fact "very fit") so I'll probably get my enlistment letter next week. The sad thing about having a perfectly healthy heart is that I probably won't get PES C and below, which is what I want so that I can audition for the Music and Drama Company :( Crossing my fingers!

That's not the only thing at stake either, because I also recently booked a flight to Osaka in early October, HAHAHAHA!!! What lah, Scoot had a 3-day launch promo and it was so cheap, I couldn't not buy it okay? Plus, Namie Amuro is performing during that period so I haz to go!!!! Watch this space to see if I will eat my words when my enlistment date comes and clashes completely with the trip and my $450 flight tickets. And potentially more, because I've already applied to ballot for the concert tickets. On two dates. HAHAHA!!! Life is a gamble, friends.

Now I'm occupying myself in the meantime by studying Japanese and music, working (so that I can fund my studying of Japanese and music), and working out whenever I can. On top of trying to update my blogs. So I guess my plate's still pretty full even after graduation. I'm basically doing the things I wish I had did when I was 13. Oh well! Too late for regrets. And it's also getting too late for me to stay up. So goodnight!

20 and (still) Nasty

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sat, 24 Jan 2015 16:35:00 +0000

So my birthday happened last week. Yay! My own present to myself was to not exercise in any way for the entire week. Needless to say I am suffering the emotional repercussions now.

Thanks to all the awesome people who wished me. I have officially entered the stage in my life where I will probably have to tick "20–25 years old" under survey age ranges. Not sure how I feel about that. But I'm pretty sure I'm going through a 1/5 life crisis.

My birthday last year was spent getting turnt and drunk as fuck. But one year later I find comfort and warmth in just having small house parties / hawker centre dinners. Most alcoholic drink I had was a Tiger Radler (could be 10, but I lost count, just kept poppin tabs all night long), which is nice okay?!?! Haha.

As graduation looms nearer I'm so fearful of what's to come in the future. I'm not even thinking about NS, because I'm very sure I'll be able to deal with that sort of change since I've been mentally preparing myself for like, the past 10 years.

But rather, what's to come after that? Everyone's already getting ready to apply for university applications coming end Feb. At least for the girls. I definitely won't be applying for admission for 2017 now. NTU e-mailed me about my eligibility for their early admissions exercise but I gave that a skip because I didn't want to make hasty decisions.

The change I'm probably most reticent toward is the thought of possibly going overseas for studies after NS. If I decide to go with it, I don't think I'll be able to adequately deal with such a change, mainly because I'll be leaving all my friends and essentially my life behind? I think I have attachment issues.

I know I will probably be able to make new friends and get used to a new life with a change of scenery, but not being able to stay updated with my friends' lives in Singapore, growing up with them and all, will probably be very sad. I'm such a clingy bitch.

I mean, Singapore can change a lot in a few years. Friends' lives can progress a lot in a few years with major milestones I won't get to be a part of. I will probably have friends who will get married while I am overseas. The thought of that scares me because we're growing up at such a fast pace?!?! I CANNOT deal with this. I am NOT ready for adulthood. I'm so bad at dealing with change. Growing up kinda sucks.

But obviously my life is not run by my friends right? They also have their own lives they want to lead right? I know, and despite knowing that, I don't know why I still feel so affected! Once again, I'm a clingy bitch.

My only problem now is probably that... there are a lot of things that I want to do. Like, A LOT. And I am finding means to earn the money to fund these interests. It's kind of taking a toll on my financials and social life.

Mostly attributed to the fact that I've wasted a lot of my teenage years. Looking back, I think I do have a lot of regrets in life, as much as I tried to spend those days as happily as possible. I've had a lot of wasted opportunities when I was a kid, and now I'm just trying to make up for lost time. But I guess that's what keeps me driven to work hard, but it's probably wearing my soul down more than is known to me. It'll be fun to see where this takes me. I just hope I don't like, die in NS or something.

New Year, New Me

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 17:15:00 +0000

...no, not really. Still the same thirsty ho!

Everyone's doing their year-in-review posts but I'm soooo lazy to go into detail, so I think I'll just post a review of some of the highlights in no particular order:

Had one of my biggest birthday celebrations ever at (the now-defunct) PLAY with all my friends
Completed some of my proudest school projects in poly life
Travelled to Tokyo for a study trip and got to see amazing things and meet so many people (more on that later)
Took part as an SL in FBC 2014; met some pretty cool juniors
Stepped down as an FMSA SMT
Officially retired as a Radio Heatwave DJ after 2 years
Fostered stronger relationships with the people around me; let go some that were too cumbersome and were wearing me down
Became more independent of people than before
Scored dream internship, which I firmly believe, was because I stated that I liked stuffing myself with pasar malam food in my CV (true story)
Cut down on cabbing to school from lateness compared to 2013
Hit an all-time low of 60kg in 6 years
Cut my damn lesbian weave away after 2 years with it
My 5-year-old track shoes finally gave in and died
Attended a-nation and got to watch m-flo and ayumi hamasaki AT LONG LAST!
Got my driving licence
Had a blast in my last school semester with Charmaine, Shaista, Jake and Germaine as my class/groupmates
Got an AD for Media Law which is kinda encouraging me to pursue law as one of my interests in the *distant* future

Not a bad year at all right? There are so many highlights I want to write about but can't find the time and energy to.

What I will talk about is about how saaaaaaaaaaaaad the world is. I mean, okay, pretty sure we all know about the Xiaxue vs. Gushcloud thing by now. And with that here is an appropriate picture to start off as a #throwbackhoebag

Ian, Nicolene, Cheryl and I at Gushcloud's CNY gathering party last year because Cheryl and Coco were interns there before the semester started! The people there are really REALLY nice and their boss is really REALLY super cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Coco I trust you to NOT SHOW ANY OF THEM THIS LINE) So I don't have any opinions because I have no right to criticise them since I don't know the truth and all the interactions I've had with them have been pleasant!

I'm not going to side any party because it's so exhausting to keep up with all the details that are coming out, but what I will state my opinion of is all the nasty people who've been leaving the MEANEST comments of Xiaxue! Here's a list of samples I've gotten from various sources:

Slap her hard so that her fake nose, fake mouth and fake eyebrows drop. Her actual uglier self will be revealed.

How she not chee bye when her face so chee bye liao?? (With apologies to vaginas)

I'm surprised her husband doesn't dump her n move on in life. This bimbo's thoughts are painful to deal with online... Imagine what they're like in person?

SINGAPORE SHORT AND UGLY MIDGET WITH A LOUD, CRUDE AND LOWLY RUNG EVOLVED PERSONALITY TRAIT... (too long and negative for me to bother pasting in entirety)

I'm sorry but I'm not going to talk about whether Xiaxue is mean or not but the deeper meaning behind all these comments people are saying. It's like their words totally REEK of SO MUCH hate and negativity that I am so perplexed at how people can be sooooooooo resentful towards somebody they're not even in direct contact with! I don't even know if I should laugh or feel sorry for these people leh.

First of all, is there really nothing better for them to do than to leave such negativity on the net?! There's no second of all, but it almost feels like these people have gone through nasty things in their lives (bullying or something) that have made them so innately insecure to become who they are today, so full of spite, that they have to vent this sort of frustration over the web on other people.

I don't know, I'm just surmising, but I just think it's very sad lol. Aiya I just don't get why people are so negative all the damn time. Why can't we all just have a good time and get into mass orgies seriously.

LET'S TALK ABOUT HAPPIER THINGS!!!

I didn't get to blog about our Tokyo trip BUT I only recently uploaded a video compiling all the retarded videos we took during it for memory (literally, because I needed to delete those videos off my phone for memory space).

I think the timeliness (or lack thereof) speaks for itself in that I don't think I'll be blogging about the Tokyo trip anymore, but you can see what we did from my Instagram feed and read some of the stuff the writing team (where I was the editor) did on our FMS in Tokyo blog!

Basically as a study trip we went to places like Waseda University, NHK Studios, Asahi Newspapers, etc. etc. which was SOOOO fun and we also went to touristy places like Inokashira Park, Cup Noodles Museum and Tsukiji Fish Market etc. etc. as well as free and easy time to roam on our own throughout the two weeks. Plus, beer everywhere we went! Loves it!

It's 12 minutes long and would most definitely justify the number of brain cells you will kill by watching it.

I MISS BEING WEIRD AND GROSS IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY :')

Speaking of weird and gross, I am still in denial that I am turning 20 REALLY SOON (15 days?!?!?!). It's sooooooooooooooooo weird, and it's so hard for me to complain because I have so many friends who are already 20 and older!

I was talking to Clement a few hours back and he's telling me that he is attending a friend's baby shower tomorrow.

BABY SHOWER.

I HAVE OFFICIALLY ENTERED THE AGE GROUP WHERE EVERYONE IS GONNA START HAVING KIDS! Is this reality?!?!?!?!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!????!?!?!?!??!?!?!? I HOPE NOT?!?!?!?!??!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!! CAN SOMEONE MARRY ME NOW BEFORE I GET DEPRESSED SEEING ALL MY FRIENDS MARRY OFF??

Okay I'll blog again soon I wanna go and sleep bye bye

LIKE A VERGE-IN

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Wed, 26 Nov 2014 16:25:00 +0000

Exactly one year ago, we were just getting started on the Feature Writing module, which is really what made me enter Mass Comm in the first place. I don't think I've ever felt so ready to jump into a project so quickly, and to have been so willing to take up the position of an editor (unfortunately). Like that Britney Spears album, I was IN THE ZONE MAN!

But I'm going to spare the emotional talk because I just can't do it. If you've seen The Devil Wears Prada, I was exactly the kind of editor who Miranda Priestly was, albeit a thousand times more explosive. That's why I'm writing this post because I want to compile some of the memorable moments that took place over the four months of this project so that I will look back 10 years from now and think about how much of a bitch I was at this point of time. It's Meryl Streep's fault!

Verge (as seen above) was a magazine created as a result of, to put it directly, wasting food, being lapsap, being buay paiseh, scolding group members via WhatsApp's audio note function, and telling people to start going to church. I am still not sorry for about 80% of those things. LOL!!!!

In retrospect, I really have to give it to all 9 other members of the team. You cannot imagine just how much shit they went through with me; I was perpetually on my period that till this day, across my entire Mass Comm life, I believe my PMS-ness was at its zenith during this time. I really do not think they ever deserved to face my nonsense, but I am a raging **** after all. There's really no excuse on my part.

But I am so so so so thankful that everybody pushed themselves and produced a quality of work that otherwise wouldn't have been achieved. I'm not even gonna be bothered if any of my groupmates hate me till this day, because we ultimately DID IT! (cue emotional music and onslaught of tears)

Buay pai right, got my scanned signature over there some more... Jeremy says my signature very ugly, but I can't take a guy who painted a fake goatee on his face seriously.

Check out our bold-lipped glory box conceptualised by Clement. We literally used acrylic paint to coat our lips and all around it, and some even ended up on some of our teeth, lol! Oliver's teeth were actually red in the photos so can you imagine how horrific that was when we viewed them up close?

I'm also pretty sure this is going to give us cancer somewhere down the road, but I'm touching my wood as I'm typing this (take this as you will). I have to say my hair wasn't very on point though, so that's very disappointing.

Just when you thought we shot those pics in a studio, as it turns out, we're just really really poor. Plus Jeremy insisted on having that stupid goatee.

Easily the saddest photoshoot we ever had to do, the most obvious reason being that one less bowl of wanton mee = one less happy tummy (i.e. mine).

I had to cab all the way down to Kovan at 8am in the morning from Jurong carrying Mahjong paper for this shoot. Then we actually went down to the hawker centre, not to ask the uncle to let us take home a bowl of wanton mee, but to pose as a normal customer and then casually walking off with the bowl out of the hawker centre, while Jeremy snuck the spoon and chopsticks from a separate stall because he die die wanted green coloured ones. Aiya, but I'm quite sure Jeremy has already returned them... OR SO I THINK...

Nicole clearly did not sign up for this.

I'm not even going to try to justify that we are not a mess. But totally worth it! One of my favourite pages of the magazine to be quite honest. I particularly like the stain marks of the zhup, and the lone pork lard at the bottom right corner of the page. LOL.

Here's also a random picture of this chocolate cake recipe (one of Valerie's articles) we tried to make to take photos but failed miserably... we even bought two shitass ugly cups from Japan Home only to end up not using it. Sigh!

One of my favourite spreads in the magazine because it looks so cleeeaaan and sleeeeek. And having Clement and Megan on the team was such a blessing because they totally rocked the fashion section which I gave a grand total of 0 hoots for content-wise, so I cannot imagine what would've happened to this if they weren't around.

Left: a book review on 'I Will Survive', a collection of personal stories by LGBT individuals who've faced discrimination of some form in society. Very insightful and eye-opening read. I still have that book at home even though it's actually Meifang's haha! Meifang if you're reading this I'll return it to you on Graduation Day okay? I PROMISE!

Right: An article on vinyls that's also the reason why I posted this photo. Because of this:

HAR HAR HAR!!!! FUNNY RIGHT? Look at me being a hardworking editor just snapping photos we'll laugh at 1 year later.

And the best part was when we found out that our magazine cover concept was identical to Charmaine's group!

Siao liao, siao liao, we didn't even discuss about our cover ideas and this just happened. We even look like a lesbian couple in this photo. My hips sure are wide. Any wider, I could've passed off as Rosie O'Donnell.

Okay I'm too lazy to post other pages of the magazine, but long story short, after all those ~trials and tribulations~ we underwent, from having to swap roles, having been on the verge of killing ourselves and having gone through the peak of my peak of PMS-ness which amounted to a 10-page long WhatsApp message telling the group I'll be going to church to pray for them (I've decided not to post the message because I don't feel like it), we emerged as the second-best magazine of the semester (behind Charmaine's) with the highest marks for content.

Considering how our lecturer told us midway through that our magazine was one of the worst-performing of the semester, I felt like our team really conquered against all odds lor! We were working like dogs!

Looking back, our group dynamic was surprising considering how we grouped together simply because we were all seated on the right side of the classroom. Was it fate? ~*ter ner ner ner... [mysterious music]*~

We had a super efficient bunch of sub-editors – Clement and Oliver. They were so meticulous and proficient at their job because they both have an immaculate command of English. I remember how we would sit in OurSpace, poring over every single article, scrutinising for every possible error, and I think we've read through each article in the magazine at least seven times. On top of that, both of them even wrote extra articles for the magazine, so really curly lesbian weaves off to them.

We had very talented designers – Sarah and Nicole. What I liked best about both of them was how they were clearly 200% done with my shit right from the get-go, and it was hard on them because I was still unwavering despite being consciously aware of their level of doneness (hehe!). Sarah really put her illustration skills to use (the man in the cover was drawn by her) and Nicole has that designer's eye that God didn't bother to bestow upon me.

I would also like to take this opportunity to apologise to Nicole for scolding her "Why you haven't export the PDF?!" at the printing shop only to have her shout back "EXPORTING!!!!", but I can't deny that I felt pretty accomplished because Nicole is like, the chillest girl ever, and the fact that I managed to make her crack like that makes me sickeningly satisfied. HAHAHAH!!! LOVE YOU NICOLE!!!!

We had a pretty kick-ass photographer / photo-editor – Jeremy Chua. I have to say I forced him into this one, because it was literally to the point of me setting his schedules for him, telling him he has to do this and that, and probably felt like killing me at one point, but he was probably too exhausted to do so because he goes to the gym too damn often. But he knows his photo shit, he knows how to edit his shit, and I don't know why he never believes me when I tell him how valuable his contributions were to the team, seriously. Sincerely, fuck you!

Lastly, we had 4 writers with a unique style of their own that really made the magazine what it is – Megan, Meifang, Valerie and Yuxin. I made it clear from the beginning that I didn't want the articles to be stylistically consistent throughout, because I wanted each writer to shine on their own, and I'm glad that it turned out that way. Everybody was so hardworking through this, even for Valerie, who from knowing her, normally doesn't even care about anything! They're the first ones to come up with great story angles, the first ones to finish everything so promptly, and gave a lot of input in planning the layout and everything.

Will I want to do this project all over again? Hell no. Would I do anything different if I did though? I don't think I would leh! I guess now that I've become a lowly intern at a real magazine, I'm getting my just desserts. Really. We get log cakes sent to the office every other day, my waistline is going insane.

After all these unglamorous lesbian weave photos of me here's me on one of my better days:

Err... actually...

Too Tired

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Wed, 22 Oct 2014 16:42:00 +0000

Wanted to spend time updating my blog but ended up sleeping most of the pubic holiday away... oh well. Here's a picture of me at work the other day sleeping while shitting to tide you over in the meantime:

Also keeping this picture just in case I decide to have a consultation with my plastic surgeon over e-mail because I'm so lazy lol!!!!!

Yes, I did cut off my weave without doing a proper post about it, but I figured since it's been literally months since that's happened I shan't bother doing it...

Anyway, in memory of my curly lesbian weave, here's a video I did for Radio Heatwave (which I'm also officially retired from) a looooong time ago where we pitted ourselves against a team of professional gamers (legit!) to a game of L4D2 (and DOTA, but the footage was corrupted so the video never came out) so please don't judge me because let's just say... the things I did in that game were not among the smartest things I've done in my life HAHAHAH!!! And pardon the awkward hosting because I was too lazy to memorise the script until 1 minute before filming. Plus, I had to act cool when I'm not. YEA LA YEA LA I'M JUST MAKING EXCUSES FOR MY INEPTITUDE OK??? Go away la fuck

The Birds and the Feet

noreply@blogger.com (Travis Chan) — Wed, 08 Oct 2014 14:28:00 +0000

I have a bittersweet feeling towards growing old. Sweet because based on the past 5 years, I find myself looking more attractive with each coming year. Bitter because that's precisely why I fear for the day everything starts to go downhill (and frankly, it's coming). I'm ~only~ (as some people would tell me... annoying) turning 20 in three months and I'm already contemplating 20 botoxes, a nose job and 5 facelifts.

Because what I fear the most is ageing. Okay, that's too general. I'm cool with it. What I fear the most are crow's feet.

I CANNOT keep my eyes off looking at people's crow's feet. I'll admit it. It's this weird thing I have going on.

If there is one feature about growing old that I'm most afraid of, it's not the wrinkles anywhere else, maybe it's the receding hairline, but fo' sho', it's the wrinkles at the edge of my eyes. I don't know why. When I talk to old people, I can't help noticing their crow's feet. When I see peers my age having crow's feet, I start to Google for dermatologists. Fortunately, the one and ONLY good thing the Chan family genes have given me, other than my nice legs, are the fact that I don't seem to be getting crow's feet anytime soon.

All the cute boys have tight-skinned faces. I unfortunately don't have that genetic luxury; not only do I blame my ancestry which includes Jackie Chan, but I also blame my sordid childhood when I would order a 4 piece meal via KFC delivery because I had to meet a minimum order.

Also cannot understand why people around my age sometimes take photos raising their brows so high up, forcing forehead wrinkles to say hello. Is 20 years too long a wait?

"Look at him, he's so handsome. His crow's feet make me so moist" - No one EVER?

Okay, but the thing is this: I don't actually hate crow's feet. I just don't want it. And when I see that other people have it, it's like when my friends don't finish their food during our meals together – I don't mind (them not giving me to eat) it, but I can't stop staring at it.

I don't even know when or how this fear came about. It just happened. I remember many years back when there was this Channel 8 drama starring Zoe Tay and Fann Wong and I happened to read some reviews on those nasty forums online. Wa biang, everybody was SO QUICK to attack Zoe Tay saying how she's a has-been and looks so old that her crow's feet are super defined on screen. These people are like vultures attacking a dead carcass!

And then there is a certain national swimmer who recently made headlines and looks disturbingly like a cross between Aaron Allwood and Matthew Chaisit Tan. I'm not going to name names, but this picture should be obvious enough:

Still not naming names!

When I first saw him, all I could think of was... HOW OLD IS THIS GUY? Then I found out he is a full five months younger than me. Holy shitballs. How could this be? His (albeit newly-developed, I'll cut him some slack) crow's feet are so deep, a tadpole could practically live in there and you'd never find out!

That only means one thing – chlorinated water is fucked up. Thank god I never learnt swimming; when I was young, my uncle would try to teach me how to learn swimming but I never did because I had this weird phobia of deep waters (enough of the how-do-you-shower jokes). The funny thing is I don't have this fear anymore. God knew I would hate the ageing effects and gave me this blessing in disguise. Maybe that's why I don't fear it anymore cuz I have since grown too fat and lazy to swim.

There's also this saying that people who usually develop crow's feet at an early age means they are very positive people since they smile / laugh a lot. Therefore, I'm fucked. Yet, if I don't smile, people say I have a bitch face. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

But you know who are the people who don't seem to get it until they're 80 years old? The Japanese. I have the same response as when their doctors step in: "I don't get it!" That's why I love them so much.

Whoever their doctors are, I want each and every one of their numbers. Now. Okay, I'll wait 5 years max.

Okay, maybe not this lady over here. Not even my full-of-flaws fave ayumi hamasaki could resist crow's feet in this show where she meets her teenage idol. Poor ~~girl~~ (she's not a girl anymore, she has crow's feet) woman... if she had piled on a bit more concealer maybe she would've stood a chance with him lol

OKAY maybe I should stop complaining... I've been very angsty and PMS-y these days, I don't know what's gotten to me. I think I need help. ;( ;( ;(

But I think I'm getting back into the habit of blogging, which I think is great. I'm one step closer to getting my shit together. It's been stagnant for too long so it has come to a point where I REALLY think nobody reads it anymore LOOOOOL.

But it's okay, life is blissful for me. Right now I'm really just sailing through for the rest of the year, which may or may not be a good thing. Every day I reach home and I'm just so tired from work, and I guess maybe that's why I'm blogging so much again. It's like a coping mechanism of some sorts, and I feel like I'm much more free based on the fact that when you leave the office, you leave all your work there too, so that's one perk I've never gotten to enjoy in a looooong time.

Also getting back to reading books again, am continuing learning Japanese at my own free time and all is good at the moment. No ragrets, just enjoy typing shit here because it's fun. Generally very blessed with what's happened for the past few months, and the many more months to come. Can't wait to graduate!!!!!