This is a guest post written by the lovely Kate of Eat the Damn Cake.

I write about body image because I love eating cake, but women around me are always dieting.

I write about body image because I have been told it doesn’t matter, but every year, more girls have eating disorders.

I write about body image because everyone cares about beauty, no matter how much we tell ourselves we don’t. And because, really, we are beautiful, no matter how much we tell ourselves we aren’t.

I write about body image because I moved to Manhattan, where suddenly everyone was very thin and very careful about eating and always going to the gym and suddenly it occurred to me that I was not thin enough and not pretty enough and very bad at going to the gym.

I write about body image because I noticed that after I noticed that I was maybe not thin enough, I stopped eating some of my favorite foods. They slipped out of my diet. I said no to dessert. I felt guilty when I gave in and made pasta for dinner. I felt guilty all the time, because all the time, I was cheating. There were all of these rules about what I could and couldn’t eat, and how much of it was OK, and I had somehow memorized them without even being aware of it, and now, when I broke them, I was ashamed.

I write about body image because I got a nose job because my big Jewish nose seemed like the opposite of beauty. Because when I told people that famous, beautiful women never have big Jewish noses, they always said, “What about Barbara Streisand?” and that was a long time ago. No one can think of anyone more recent. And also, because when my boyfriend who became my husband told me over and over that my nose was beautiful, I didn’t really believe him, even though I should have.

I write about body image because people make fun of people who get cosmetic surgery, even though when I got cosmetic surgery, there was nothing funny about it. I hated my face. I wanted to destroy my old face.

I write about body image because I don’t look like a model, but sometimes, automatically, I really wish I looked like a model. And at the same time, I really wish I didn’t wish that.

I write about body image because when I was a little girl, I thought I was gorgeous. I thought that I was gorgeous because I was me.

I write about body image because women are always complimenting each other by saying, “You look like you lost weight!” and because it’s so hard to think that what you are is already enough.

I write about body image because the more I write about body image, the more letters I get from girls and women who tell me how important this topic is. I get letters from women who don’t want to go outside because they feel so unattractive and women whose mothers told them they weren’t ever going to be pretty enough and women who were told by the world that they weren’t worth as much as they actually are, and women who feel fantastic about the way they look and are so relieved. And because the more I write about body image, the better I feel, when I look in the mirror. The better I look to myself. The better I realize I am.

That’s why I write about body image.

And also, cake is just delicious. We really shouldn’t ever give it up.

Kate Fridkis is a Brooklyn-based writer whose work appears regularly on The Frisky and the Huffington Post. She blogs at Eat the Damn Cake. You can follow her on Twitter @eatthedamncake.

Body Image Warrior Week Participants:

Already Pretty. The Beheld. Decoding Dress. Dress with Courage. Eat the Damn Cake. Fit and Feminist. Not Dead Yet Style. Rosie Molinary. Virginia Sole-Smith. Weightless.

{image credit}

This post by Ellie Di discussed the emotional root behind dysfunctional relationships, and it is just so very vulnerable and brave.

In a similar vein, I love this post about being your own best friend.

7 Spiritual Steps to an Awesome Business. Lovely approach.

Also, this: Are you leaving enough space for your LIFE in your work?

Extremely grateful to Gena from Choosing Raw for diplomatically navigating what could have been an extremely shameful, weight-biased advertising situation.

Chris Brown + Rihanna? This take, by Chibi Jeebs, is quite thought provoking.

Things I No Longer Shame Myself For. Required.

Hot topic this week. The Body Politic: Where do the GOP Candidates Stand on Women’s Issues?

Tired? Over-worked? Sugar overload? What’s Your Migraine Telling You?

This post from The Fat Nutritionist about feeling fat is remarkable:

My body image is, and likely always will be, a work in progress.

Why You Should Give Up on Self-Improvement, and though I love me a little self-improvement, this post is gorgeous.

Growing the House of Your Business, by Hiro Boga.

Are you self-centered? Your might want to rethink your answer.

The ABCs of Self-Worth: W is for Worth.

Last but not least, I still have a couple of spots left for sponsors for the month of March!

Click here for more details on how to become a sponsor.

The last two months have been epic in MM traffic and SQUEEE! history, and well, next month is my birthday and I am giving out presents!

Email me to get in on the fun, sponsor body-loving action.

This is a guest post written by the lovely Sarah Von Bargen of Yes and Yes fame.

Hey guys? I’d like to propose taking a break.

Let’s take a moment away:
from poking our stomachs rounded with Halloween candy
from examining our cheeks chapped by November air
from glaring at darkened stubble that’s poking through tights

Let’s cut ourselves a bit of slack, shall we?
Let’s remember that every blessed inch of us?
It’s pretty damn cute.
Those rounded bits? The freckles? The glasses?
There are people in our lives that love those bits that make us different.

There are people that we stand next to at the bus stop who think

As for me, I’m trying to call a truce.

This is a guest post written by Michelle of Let’s Radiate and Bombchelle.

I used to not be very good at choosing my friends. (Understatement of the year, right there.) I distinctly remember an incident in my sixth grade art class, where we paired up to draw portraits of each other. I paired up with my best friend, and started working on her portrait as she worked on mine. I looked up because suddenly she started pounding her marker on the page, making a funny noise, and asked her what she was doing.

“I’m drawing all your pimples, of course! Next, I’m going to start on your unibrow.”

I remember my jaw dropping and face flushing with shame, having absolutely no idea what to say. And unfortunately, incidents like this were entirely not rare for a lot of my middle school & high school existence; I seemed to near-universally attract friends who, while nice some of the time, were downright abusive at least half the time. Unsurprisingly, this seriously screwed with my own self-image, which made me think I was worthless, which kept me putting up with their abuse instead of telling them to fuck off. (Familiar cycle? Anyone?) I was probably 18 or 19 before I had mostly recovered my sense of self-esteem, despite the fact that I stopped hanging out with those people at 15-16.

As women, we’re socialized to be shitty to each other. And to expect shittiness from each other. Everyone knows that teenage girls (or, of course, women in general, but especially teenagers) are just catty, prone to betrayal, and drama magnets. That’s just the way things go, right? No changing it!

There is this ideal version of “close as sisters” female friends, that we’re all supposed to strive for, that’s displayed everywhere in the media as the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But then, we also have “frenemies” – a concept, almost exclusively female, that didn’t even exist when I was a kid/teenager (and thank heavens, because I certainly didn’t need anyone even remotely normalizing the behavior of my “friends”, since I was already trying hard enough to do it myself). How can we trust each other if we’re constantly waiting for a catty remark or some kind of backstabbing to occur?

For a while, my way of dealing with it was to just not be friends with women. I told myself I’d rather hang out with guys, because they weren’t going to betray me. (Shocker: it turns out guys are just as capable of being catty as the ladies are! Who knew.) When I began to read more about feminism and started to think critically about our culture as a whole, and the messages our culture sends us, that helped – looking at the way women’s relationships with each other are portrayed in the media does wonders for explaining some of the things I experienced.

And then, of course, there’s looking back at an adult at things that I didn’t fully understand as a child. My “friends” in particular, who were so cruel, almost universally had problems at home, to varying degrees that I couldn’t really understand as a 12-13 year old who came from a stable, happy family. Does this excuse their behavior? No. But I can forgive them for being cruel teenagers while acknowledging the damage they did to me at the same time. Those two things don’t contradict each other. And I can certainly see how a young person, not taught any healthy coping mechanisms for anger (dealing well with anger is not something our culture addresses – you may have noticed), frustrated with other areas of their life, would turn to taking out their anger on someone else in a way that, though not really encouraged, is generally considered socially acceptable.

The toughest part is that I have no easy answers for how to stop this. How do you break any cycle once it’s going?

The conclusion I’ve come to is that the only real participation we can have in stopping the cycle is simply refusing to participate. Don’t tell the girls you know that other girls are mean and not to be trusted. (Which sounds really basic, but I overhear this all the time.) Don’t be catty or a “frenemy” yourself. Help people – including yourself – understand how to deal with things like frustration and anger in a healthy way, without taking it out on anyone else.

And…simple though it may be, that’s all I’ve got. It seems tiny, but if we all aim for that, maybe we can make a difference. How do you refuse to participate in the cycle of girl-hate?

Michelle is a writer + project wrangler who lives in Austin with her husband, two cats named after Buffy characters, and her Shiba Inu.  She writes about fulfilling your potential at Bombchelle & taking your work + business to new heights at Let’s Radiate.

Today is the day – Practical Self-Love Coaching – my newest and most sparkly venture is born, and because I believe in emotional manifesting, I have decided to introduce it to you by answering Danielle LaPorte’s Burning Question: How Do You Want It All To Feel?

Because, if I don’t show up and describe to you how ecstatic I am about cultivating the life of my dreams – how can you believe that I will know how to support you while you cultivate yours?

I want to wake up every morning knowing that I am offering the world, my sweetheart, my family, YOU, and myself the best version of what I’ve got.

Each and every one of us was born into this work with unimaginable gifts, and nothing makes me feel all shoulders back and heart up than helping you cut through the riffraff and get to the heart of the matter.

I am alive in moments of lightening truth seeking and deafening realization.

I want it to feel like a lovingly crafted latte, painstakingly made with a stove-top espresso maker and hand frothed milk.

Like my entire life was leading up to this, and now that I have decided on it – I can’t think about anything else.

I want it to feel like an ecstatic dance party with your best friends until 3am – or standing on top of a speaker box hula hooping to your favorite jams, with a sea of people dance below.

I want it to feel like a mix of old school business sense mixed with unimaginable excitement about authentic entrepreneurism.

I will hold the hope for you – even when you have none for yourself, and holding that hope, I will feel dead sure that the entire world is filled with possibility.

Like that outfit that just works, and is guaranteed to pull you out of the depths of a fashion-rut.

Practical Self-Love is pie-in-the-sky idealism meets I barely have time to drive shave my armpits before a job interview realism.

It’s about meeting you where you’re at, and making it work.  You’re worth it.

I want it to feel like that shiver up your spine, just before you break out in goosebumps, when you know that you’re really on to something.

And because I want this launch to feel equally blissful -  I am offering a gorgeous deal on my three and six month packages to the brave and beautiful souls who reach out to be before Thursday at 11:59 EST.

If this feels like music to your ears and ZOMGYESYESYES, email me at medicinalmarzipan {at} gmail {dot} com or use the contact form to tell me a little bit about yourself and what you’re hoping to work on together.

Boudoir photo shoots + how Miz rediscovered her self-esteem. So. Much. Love.

How to make magnetic Polaroid frames.

Occupy Valentine’s Day: In Praise of Being Single.  Yes Please.

Body Image + Loss.

We need to allow there to be a space for anger.

Did you eat chocolate on Valentine’s Day? I did, and I love this conversation about making that choice.

Intentionally releasing fear – if you aren’t doing this yet, you can and you should.

Do you dare to dream or do you determinedly remain in the present? Is this a conscious or unconscious choice?

I Show Up:

I show up… because every fiber in my being begs to slip back under the covers and sleep for an eternity.  I show up…  because my heart is filled with the grief of a lifetime immersed in unworthiness.

I highly recommend this post for anyone who is dealing with an onslaught of solicited and unsolicited advice, particularly because it might save you from punching someone unnecessarily.

Rocking a Champagne Life On A Beer Budget.

Sometimes I read things like this and think that I should quit drinking coffee. Thoughts?

Self is not a 4 letter word.

This post from Tara Gentile has me rethinking all of my business plans, in the best possible more more more kind of way.

It’s never too late, to be yourself.

Um – a question that I am ALWAYS asking: Do you get taken more seriously with sleeker locks? ::pleasesayno::

Oh darlings, I know that tomorrow is a holiday stateside, but an eLetter will be zooming out to mailboxes around the world with all the deets about new and exciting Medicinal Marzipan changes. Want to get it before anyone else? Say the word and all the gorgeousness will be yours.

 {image credit}

Karen C.L. Anderson: Author. Blogger. Speaker. Creator of ah-ha moments. Lover of what is.

Karen blogs about the literal ups and downs that happen after achieving “weight loss success.” Before & After: A Real Life Story explores how self-acceptance heals the mind, body, and spirit. Her recently published book – AFTER (the before & after): a real life story of weight loss, weight gain, and weightlessness through total acceptance takes the blog to the next level. It is the result of Karen’s belief that having a healthy body (mind and spirit) shouldn’t be a life-long struggle. Karen is currently enrolled in the Psychology of Eating coach training course where she is learning about Dynamic Eating Psychology and Mind-Body Nutrition.

Christie Inge, HHC: Intuitive Eating Coach

Christie Inge is an intuitive eating and body image coach. She has taken what she learned in the school of hard knocks and coupled that with what she has learned in her professional trainings to create a system that has helped thousands of women make peace with food and stop hating their bodies. She offers support, insight, and real world tools for creating a body and life you love. You can stay in touch with her by subscribing to her inspirational weekly eLetter or join the conversation on facebook and twitter.

Ega Jones: Sex + Dating Blogger

Ega Jones writes about sex, dating, and self-discovery, and she also falls down a lot. She has been called both a “sex educator” and a “dangerous mind”, and while neither is true, she takes it as a compliment. Her eponymous blog is about the stuff that keeps her (and probably you) up at night—stuff like figuring out what the heck to do with your life, finding your voice, and navigating the harrowing (and often hilarious) terrain of sex, dating, and love, while keeping your sense of self in tact. You can find her doling out tough love on twitter, facebook, and, of course, her blog.

Note from Marzipan: I still have a couple of spots left for March – check out the details here or email me. xox

I’ve been dreaming about this post for a month.

I’ve been wondering exactly how to describe this feeling of loss that I have.

Loss that I can’t quite put my finger on.

Without consuming ____ to glue together all of my jagged edges, I feel a little like a bag of mirror shards, clanging around and reflecting one another’s sharpness.

Food used to tie it all together for me – family, romance, awkward social situations, fear, loneliness, anxiety - Nothing a bowl of mashed potatoes couldn’t fix.

The feeling that I have now is a little bit sad. I feel a little let down. The grandeur of going out and eating a fancy meal is a little less sparkly. The gnocchi has kind of lost it’s mystery.

I have never been so sick of eating vegetables in my life.

I miss the quick-fix, the bowl of beans and rice, the easy remedy that I could provide myself with the contents of my cupboards. Yes, I always knew this fix was fickle and short-lived, but in that moment, cheese solved most problems.

Without the food, the feelings are there, inmates clanging against their shackles and bars and demanding that I pay attention to them. They want me to know that while I was oh so busy trying to shut them up they were bored out of their minds with all of the television that I was watching and heartbroken that I never gave them a chance to be who they always wanted to by and WHY didn’t I let them go out and have fun once and a while and and and…

They wanted to know why I no longer got on stage with my hula hoop and performed on top of  a speaker.

They wanted to know what I was planning on doing about how resentful I felt towards myself for making myself believe I had to take care of every single thing for every single person that I know for the last twenty years.

They want me to have this tattooed on my wrist, so I’ll never forget it:

Just because you can, doesn’t mean that you should.

So, friends, here’s the deal: I’m ready to let a couple of those feelings out of their cages and see what happens. Yes, there have been temper tantrums. Yes, I have cried – yelled – demanded – begged – pleaded to distract me from how I feel inside.

Without food to stuff it all down – I need to be very, very kind to myself  - because without food my coping mechanisms are stiff and stunted. They are difficult to access in a moment of crisis.

Without food, I get it wrong, a lot.

I apologize, a lot, for my brattiness,  but I don’t feel sorry for living authentically.

This is really, quite exciting, and it will impact things around here, because, well, this site and all of you are my wildest dream come true. In 2012, there will be products, more, BETTER posts, gorgeous eLetters, dynamite facebook polls/banter/silliness, and continued twitter rabble-rousing. In 2012 there will be body-loving coaching – details will be delivered to the mailing list Monday night and to the rest of the world Tuesday.

The bar has been raised, and I am oh so grateful.

This is a guest post written by KatieP of Head ♥ Heart ♥ Health.

In September 2009, bloated and hungover from another binge and dealing with the chronic pain of too many laxatives, I realised I had an eating disorder and started on my road to recovery.

What I’ve never talked about is that this wasn’t the first time I’d binged and purged. I’d been abusing laxatives and overexercising for two years before that morning in September but that’s not what I’m talking about. Restricting, bingeing and purging had happened to me in my life once before, many years ago.

Let’s go back to the past

When puberty hit in my early teens, I said goodbye to the body of a skinny kid and hello to boobs, a waist and a generous backside. I found myself attracted to boys and there seemed to be a few who were attracted to me.

In my world, sexuality was frowned upon. It was a sacred gift to be given only to my husband many years into the future. My inner glow and emerging sense of being comfortable in my new skin were quickly controlled by my parents’ insistence that I stay a virgin until I got married. Boyfriends were OK as long as there was no sexual intimacy or “anything I’d been embarrased for my mother to see”. I was a budding flower that began to close up.

The dieting and purging followed soon after. In my late teens and early twenties I would diet until I lost weight, and then I would binge. My strategy to control the damage of extra calories was to take laxatives.

Eventually, the day came when I fell in love and ran away to a city at the other end of the country to live with a man named Peter. He loved me, told me I was beautiful and in this world my sexuality was normal and natural. The obsessive dieting and bingeing/purging fell away without me even thinking about it. Our love didn’t last for long, but my confidence and self-love did.

Twenty years later

Twenty years later with a different man in a different city once again I became sexually closed off. The man whom I’d married wasn’t interested in being intimate with me. We were lucky to have sex three or four times a year and when we did, it was not what you would call tender and loving. Once again I was ashamed of my sexuality and walked back into the arms of dieting and bingeing in an effort to dampen my sexual appetite.

And it worked. Being unnaturally thin, without enough hormones in my body to produce a period, and working so hard to achieve the perfect body meant I rarely thought about sex. I was emotionally numb and physically disconnected from my body.

But the day came again when I fell in love. This time the leaving was harder and the events that followed were more painful than I could have ever imagined. But through it all I discovered that it’s OK to be me, that loving someone is transformational and that exposing the vulnerable and authentic side of myself brings so much more than living in a way that keeps everyone else happy.

And now …

Although I’ve been through excruciating trauma and exquisite joy, I’ve never once considered disconnecting from my body in order to stay safe. Being in an exciting sexual relationship with someone I love has made me remember that who I am and my unique view of the world is valuable and important.

I know that relationships don’t last forever and the day will come when I’m once again alone. But this time, I will never shut down the intimacy I have with my own body, with my femininity and with my core essence by hiding my light in the dark cave of disordered eating.

KatieP discovered life doesn’t turn out the way it’s meant to. She believed if she was a good girl and followed the rules then she would live the life of her dreams. Instead, she ended up with an eating disorder and having to cope with her husband’s decision to kill himself.

When everything turned to shit she no longer had the energy to be the person she thought the world wanted her to be. She discovered that being her authentic self opened up a world of joy and peace beyond anything she’d ever imagined.

She blogs at head ♥ heart ♥ health where she shares everything she knows (and what she’s learning) about holding on to her authentic self in the midst of an imperfect life.

This is a guest post written by Margarita Tartakovsky, who blogs regularly at Weightless and MargaritaTartakovsky.com.

I’ve never been a regular journaler. Even though I’m a writer, I journal in spurts. Spurts of anger, confusion, grief, gratitude.

But writing Weightless and my personal blog has been similar to journaling: It’s allowed me to write my heart out. Even though it’s intimidating and scary to let others glimpse into your heart, and there’s been plenty of self-doubt – should I be so open? will people think I’m weird? will they get it? will they get me? – it’s been healing, too.

Writing has helped me make sense of my thoughts and perspectives. To examine them. To get to know them. To question them. To pay attention to the patterns in my life. To realize that my desire for thinness wasn’t a real desire for thinness. It was a front. Of course, at the time, I thought that I just wanted to lose a few – or 20. But I realized that what lurked underneath that desire for thinness was a desire for peace, calm, confidence and happiness.

A desperate desire to be someone else because I didn’t think I was cool enough or acceptable enough as I was. I’d convinced myself, somehow, that being thin would give me everything I’d ever wanted. At the core, it would give me pure confidence, a self-image that wouldn’t shake from the sight of a pretty, put-together girl walking into the room. A self-image that wouldn’t bend to others’ beliefs. A self-image that wouldn’t survive and thrive based on compliments.

As the years passed, I realized that the desire for thinness is a mirage. No amount of weight loss can help me gain confidence. Because that changes. The pounds pile on or they melt away. It’s impermanent, fleeting. And my self-image can’t have such a shaky, unreliable foundation.

I’ve realized this, in part, thanks to writing.

Writing has helped me relinquish the emotions and thoughts I’d hid or misunderstood for years. To release my super tight grip. Writing has given me relief, allowed me to stop holding these things in for so, oh-so long.

Through writing and reading and interviewing brilliant bloggers, authors and experts, I’ve had the chance to dig deeper and better understand myself. To understand my struggles. To better educate myself on true health, well-being and fulfillment.

These voices, including Mara’s, have taught me about having a positive body image, being myself, taking it easy and enjoying life. Learning about intuitive eating and Ellyn Satter’s work has helped me build a healthier relationship with food and with myself. So has learning about Health At Every Size. It’s helped me appreciate and love my body and choose movement that’s enjoyable and fun – because that’s part of genuinely nourishing your body and yourself. That it’s OK – and, in fact, healthy – to enjoy what you’re eating.

Continuously writing about these topics helps me grasp them and live them. When I’m feeling upset and like gaining weight means that I suck or look horrendous, writing about body image helps me remember who I am and what I stand for. To remind me of how amazing my body really is. To remind me of what matters.

Writing has helped me focus on what I love: words. Instead of focusing on flaws and limits, I focus on learning, growing and improving my ability to string together words into stories, to write truthfully. Instead of narrowing my life by focusing on rigid, unattainable standards, I’m expanding it by truly challenging my mind and pursuing my passions.

The more I write, the more I explore and embrace my voice. And the more I explore and embrace what I’m saying, the more I learn about, welcome and celebrate who I am. Writing has helped me appreciate myself as a whole and enjoy life without having to change my physical appearance or my core.

Margarita Tartakovsky is an associate editor at PsychCentral.com. She also writes the blog Weightless, which focuses on everything from body image to society’s damaging standards to eating disorders. You can learn more about Margarita and her work here.