I can’t believe this. I’m crying. I’m sitting on a JetBlue flight, seat 15B. I’m sandwiched in the middle seat on my way to Los Angeles and I’m crying like a child.

The reason: Gene Simmons. Yes, Gene Simmons… from KISS. Gene is making me cry.

The gentleman sitting in 5A just leaned over and asked me, “Are you OK?” He is Pastor Tom Crouse from Holland Congregational Church in Holland, Mass. I wipe away the tears and explain to him what I’m about to explain to you.

I had selfishly turned the JetBlue TV to A&E to see if commercials for my new television series Monster In-Laws were airing. Instead, I got drawn into another A&E reality show: Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels.

At the moment, I’m on my seventh episode. I can’t stop watching.

In case you don’t watch it, allow me to fill you in. Gene Simmons is the guy with the crazy tongue from the rock band KISS. He is now 61 years old, and the show follows his family in their everyday lives. He has a relationship with a former Playboy playmate named Shannon Tweed. They’ve been together for 27 years and have two adult kids, but they are not married.

In the first couple episodes I watched, Shannon and Gene were in a massive breakup because TMZ had run a photo of Gene leaving a hotel, rock-star style, with two young blondes. It seems that for 27 years, Shannon tolerated his rock-star ways. But with the added exposure that this A&E show brings and the kids out of the house, she had reached her breaking point and could no longer stay in a relationship and be so disrespected. So she moved out.

I watched as the two kids tried to stay neutral but were clearly pissed off with their dad. Gene moped around the house and went to therapy, and close friends tried to talk some sense into him. He realized how much Shannon meant to him and became determined to win her back. In one episode, their daughter had tricked them into showing up at a jazz club at the same time. It was reality TV gold as Gene approached Shannon, wrapped his arms around her, and she just collapsed in tears. So did I.

I got reminded what it feels like to just love someone for everything they are and everything they aren’t. Through the heartbreak and through the heartfelt moments, we are all just human after all.

Over another few episodes, I watched Gene and Shannon take a trip to Israel because Gene was receiving an award in his hometown. I learned a lot about him along their journey. Gene’s dad abandoned the family when Gene was 7. He hated his father for leaving, and that anger fueled his success; he wanted to prove to the world that he didn’t need a father to be successful.

But the truth was, he was empty. Anger is what we feel when we don’t want to feel the emptiness and pain that’s inside.

What Gene didn’t know is that his dad hadn’t abandoned him; his mother kicked him out and then immigrated to America. His father had started another family. Turns out, Gene has half-brothers and sisters. And Shannon had secretly arranged a surprise meeting in Israel with the siblings Gene had never met.

I cried with Gene as he met his brother and sisters and as they all watched home videos of his father, who looked so much like Gene. And I really lost it when Gene’s new family took him to his father’s grave and read a letter that his father had penned to Gene on his deathbed.

Gene said what we all do when we realize it’s too late: “I was so stupid. I don’t know why I didn’t go see him. I’m so stubborn. I make a rule for myself and then that’s what it is. Because I never want to be wrong.”

We are all just like Gene.

There’s someone in your life that you’ve wronged or who has wronged you. Perhaps, like Gene, you are estranged from a parent, a sibling or a child. Stubbornness keeps you from fixing it. Pride, fear and anger will do that to you. But remember that, like Gene, you may be feeling anger to avoid facing the pain and fear inside.

This is the year you stop it. Stop being so damned stubborn and open yourself up to what you really want: to feel loved and connected again. It doesn’t matter what happened, or who the distance is from. You are capable of fixing it and of feeling connected and loved again. It only takes one of you to take the first step, to admit you were wrong, to forgive the human frailty of someone you love.

That’s how you start your year powerfully.

As for me, I’ve got more TV to watch. After all that’s transpired, Gene has realized that the most important things in his life are not his rock-star ways or always being right. The most important thing is love: He proposed to Shannon and they’ve filmed the wedding for the show. Get out the Kleenexes!

I’m having a virtual party tonight and YOU are invited.

Join me at 10pm tonight for a television premiere party!  My new television series goes live tonight on the A&E Television Network and I want you there!

Show airs on October 24th at 10pm on A&E Network. So set those DVRs, get the popcorn ready and sit back and thank god that your family isn’t as crazy as the ones on this show!

So was I.

***

15 years ago, Stacey and I were on vacation in Moab, Utah to do some hiking and biking.  Moab is beautiful Red Rock country…Google it and see, its breathtaking.  Stacey and I were staying in a little motel on the main drag, just a place to lay our heads for a few hours each
night between each day’s outdoor adventure.  This particular day we found ourselves on the other side of downtown Moab at a little restaurant having a late lunch.  On again off again rain had put our plans on hold for the day and we were sitting in this restaurant waiting for our food, talking about nothing in particular.  Then out of the clear blue, while talking about something totally unrelated, I just blurted out “you know I always wanted a little black puppy.”

Stacey asked me where that thought came from.  I wasn’t sure.

Maybe because we had been talking about animals earlier?  I had no idea.  She then commented that she didn’t think a dog would be a good idea at that time.  We lived in a condo, already had two cats and I was running a small business.  I agreed with her, and told her that I wasn’t suggesting that we we run out when we get home and get a dog…my comment was simply a random musing that I still had no idea where the thought had come from.

We quickly changed topics, and about an hour later had finished lunch and were on our way, walking out of the restaurant into a steady rain.  We walked down the side street towards the main drag, took a sharp right AND RIGHT THERE IN MY PATH LAY A TINY BLACK PUPPY…without question the saddest looking puppy I have ever seen.

I looked around.  There was a gas station to my left and a grocery store right next to it.  The only person I immediately saw was what looked to be a homeless man sitting on the stoop of the gas station.  I asked him if the puppy was his.  He replied that a car full of people had come by about an hour before-ALMOST EXACTLY WHEN THAT RANDOM THOUGHT
HAD COME TO ME IN THE RESTAURANT-and let the puppy out of the car and
driven away.

I don’t know if either Stacey or I fully appreciated at that moment the serendipity involved here…

I asked the homeless man what he planned on doing with the dog.  He told me that he supposed that he would keep her.  I then asked him if there was any way I could have her…that I had been “looking” for this dog.  I offered to buy the man some food at the grocery store if he was willing to let me have the puppy.  A deal was struck…Stacey held the puppy, I went food shopping with the homeless man and a half hour later, we were standing in the middle of Moab, Utah in the driving rain with a little black puppy.

I remember looking at Stacey with a “now what?” look on my face.  The place we were staying had a ”no pets” policy, and by now any shelter or vet was closed so we did the only thing we could do…smuggle the puppy into our room and hope that nobody would notice.  Well, that plan worked out to be at least halfway effective.  We got into the room OK, but the puppy kept on trying to pee in the room, so I had to keep smuggling her outside, sticking her in my coat and taking her out when the coast was clear of other patrons.  Apparently, someone saw us because we got an angry call early the next morning asking us to leave because of the no pets
policy.

Stacey and I then decided to take the puppy to the vet and get her checked out while we figured out what our next move was.  When we arrived at the vet, he recognized the puppy as being part of a litter that has just been put down, as no one had come to claim them.  We were horrified.  The vet agreed to hold onto the puppy while Stacey and I grabbed breakfast and decided what was next.  Despite the premonition of finding the puppy, Stacey had nonetheless been right…it really wasn’t the best time in our lives for a puppy, not to mention we were in the middle of Utah and were only partially through our vacation.  We got in the car, looked at each other and then made one of the best decisions we have ever made:  we decided that this little black puppy was meant for us, and we were meant for her.  We went back to the vet, paid the bill and decide that one way or the other, the puppy was coming on the rest of the vacation with us and then she was coming home.

Riley turned out to be one of the most special beings I had ever had in my life.  She was always there for me, and like a true friend, was there for me during my darkest days when my father passed away unexpectedly-Riley barely left my side for months, she sensed my sadness and simply refused to leave me alone.

So many great memories…and 15 years with her was gone in the blink of an eye. Two pictures are attached here, one from the very beginning of Riley’s life, and one from towards the end.  But what’s most important is what happened in between.

Farewell for now sweet girl.  Like I told you when I said goodbye, most people who know the story of how we found you say that we were meant to be together, and that “you saved that dog’s life.”  But we both know that it was you that saved mine.

Leftfield Productions (Pawn Stars) produced this puppy and the series goes live in 36 days!  October 24th at 10pm – Monster In-laws will hit television screens nationwide.  Here’s a little video preview – thanks to some dude who’s got nothing better to do than film his own television set and post it to youtube:

More to come. Stay tuned.

M

I was on the phone yesterday discussing sales projections and strategy with one of my coaching clients, and he said something that startled me, “but Mel, there’s only 16 weeks left in the year.”

16 weeks?!  The kids just went back to school!  How is that possible?  That’s not a lot of time.

I have some seriously big plans for 2011.  Hearing that I only had 16 weeks left, ’til 2012, just put a fire under my ass.  I spent the last two weeks getting the kids’ organized and focused in their a back-to-school routine.

Now it’s my turn to get myself organized and focused on getting what I want!

There’s still plenty time to get what you want.  If you get busy.

Take 11 minutes right now to set yourself up to win.  Here’s how:

1.  ASK YOURSELF:

What do I want to accomplish between now and the end of the year?  

2. APPY THE “MERLIN PRINCIPLE” TO BREAK YOUR GOAL INTO 16 WEEKLY MILESTONES:

Here’s how you do that:

a.  Ask yourself, “where do I need to be or what do I need to have accomplished by Saturday, December 24th, in order to set myself up to achieve my goal by December 31st?”

b.  Then, ask yourself, “what do I need to have accomplished by Saturday, December 17th, in order to set myself up to be where I need to be by Saturday December 24th?”

c.  Then, ask yourself, “what do I need to have accomplished by Saturday, December 10th, in order to set myself up to be where I need to be by Saturday December 17th?…

d.  Work backwards weekly to Saturday, September 17th, repeating this process.

e.  Now that you have identified the 16 weekly milestones that you need to reach, it’s very easy to break out the daily actions you need to every day, each week, in order to reach your Saturday Milestones, and get yourself there.

You have a plan.  You have plenty of time.

And now you can relax and just take action.  Simply force yourself to take those small daily actions that lead to your weekly milestone and it will led you to the success you deserve.

Let’s end 2011 with a bang.

ps.  If you need more tactical, road-tested tools to be unstoppable – my book “STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE” is packed with them.  You can get a copy, here.  You can read the first chapter for free, here.

The season opener of Monster In-Laws is the episode where the son-in-law and father-in-law have a fist fight, the cops get called and my life gets threatened – all because of some duct tape. I can’t wait for you to see it. Monster In-Laws. A&E. October 24th!

I keep thinking about how my life is about to change. I hope it does. I’ve worked very very hard for years to become an “Overnight Success Story.” Monster In-Laws should bring along many new relationships and opportunities. In fact, it already has.

One of the most frequent questions I get is “how did go from being a lawyer, to a top coach, to a media career?”

I started my media career, by sending a fluke email to INC Magazine about five years ago. That one email led to an article, that led to a call from CNBC, that led to a meeting and another and another. I spent the first two years exploring the media, still coaching individuals and companies full time while pursuing radio and television opportunities. That meant driving myself back and forth to NYC, pitching ideas to producers, shooting footage, volunteering to fill in, taping myself and watching it, trying anything I could, falling on my face, making an ass out of myself, sleeping on friends’ couches, showing up for free. I’d do anything for the chance to talk on air, appear on a show – because it was great practice to prepare me for the moment when it’d be my turn.

Barbara Walters told me that she always felt like “life is one big audition”, hence the title of her memoir.

It struck me that even someone as accomplished as Barbara Walters felt that she is always practicing for the “next thing.”

What I’ve learned, is it’s all that time you put in when NO ONE was watching or listening, that enables you to turn it on when the cameras roll for real.

That’s how you do it. You force your way in. You start a radio show on a blog. You start filming yourself with your phone, edit it on the mac and post it on your blog. You show up for casting calls, auditions. You pitch ideas. And you practice.

You spend years working hard, preparing for that moment. It’s the formula for everything in life. How many swings does a baseball player take in a lifetime – before they make it to the majors? In backyards, over fences, walls, neighbors roofs. Every last swing got them to the majors. Even Snooki – imagine how many hours she spent perfecting that poof, and working on that tan to become that ridiculous character she is. She didn’t even realize the producers were making fun of her because she was just doing what she had spent years doing.

It took her years to become an overnight sensation….

I think Malcolm Gladwell is right. If you put in 10,000 hours of practice you can master just about anything. The same is true with your dreams. Put in the work. Do it for free. Keep showing up. Keep falling down. Keep practicing.

If you keep working hard while no one is looking, eventually, an opportunity like Monster In-Laws will come. And, when it does, you’ll be good and ready.

Let me paint a picture for you:  right now every middle school girl in America is stressing out about what to wear the first day of school.  With a 12 and 11 y/o in my house, late-August is an endless whirlwind of Tom’s shoes, ruffled tank tops, and Glee Concert T-shirts, gladiator sandals and the grey, striped shirt- No, not THAT grey, striped shirt! YOU DON’T GET IT MOM! Nobody understands me!

For the last five days, my daughters have flip-flopped on fashion decisions so often, I can’t decide if I should use parental-controls to block America’s Next Top Model or C-SPAN!  One of them thinks she’s the next Lady Gaga, and the other one wants to blend in, but still be noticed a little.

It starts innocently enough. What was once a kitchen, is now a private runway used to strut outfit after never-ending outfit. The models pause to ask a simple,”how’s this?” But it’s a trick question I tell you! If I say “You look great” or “I like it”, they turn on their heels, and stomp back upstairs; BUT, if I try the reverse and give ‘em an “eh”, they look on me with the saddest eyes you’ve ever seen, like I’ve stolen their essence.

I can’t wait until they start dating.

So I sought the advice of my favorite parenting guru from HuffPost fame, Susan Stiffelman, and she reminded me that kids have “imaginery audience syndrome” – they actually do think that everyone is looking at them.  She suggested I try to be more understanding, instead of acting like a judge on Project Runway.

So, last night, when I tucked my daughter in, I asked her:  ”So why are you so worried about this?”  And she told me the truth:  ”Because everyone will look at me, and see the outfit and that’s what they will think about me for the rest of the year.”  With Susan’s Stiffelman’s voice in my ear, I took a breath, resisted screaming at her – are you insane?  and said, “Oh, I see.  I can understand why this is a BIG deal.”  And then I asked for her guidance, ”What are YOU looking for in the perfect first-day-of-7th-grade-outfit?” She knew exactly. ” I want to look “tan and awesome– but without looking like I’m trying too hard.  I want to be different, but not too different. I don’t want my butt to look fat.”

Before you remind me that ”girls will be girls” hold on for a second — perhaps these girls are on to something…

I once interviewed Donald Trump, and the best piece of advice he gave to the audience was that he always “dresses the part.” He told the story of starting out in the real estate business and spending all his money on the best suit he could find so that he looked like a successful real estate investor, before he was one.

Bill Zanker, who founded the Learning Annex, has a similar story. As a struggling entrepreneur, he would use this little trick to boost his confidence: before every important meeting, he would go to the bank and take out a wad of cash from his savings account – $1000, to be exact. Having the money in his pocket, made him “feel” successful. It boosted his confidence and did away with any feelings of desperation. He claims the cash in his suit pocket made him a better negotiator. After the meeting was done, he’d deposit the money back into his savings account.

And, last week, on my radio show, I interviewed an expert about how to ace a phone interview. He claimed that candidates who take the time to “dress up” for a phone interview – made it to the next round 90% of the time. Wearing a suit, while talking on the phone made the candidate more confident and even changed the tone of voice over the phone.

The bottom line is if you want to become something or someone, you must dress like you already are. If you want to feel confident, you must take the time to dress in a way that makes you feel it. It may very well be the only part of any encounter you can control, and that control inspires confidence.

If I ignore how irritating it is as a parent to deal with this – I realize that my 12 year old and 11 year old daughters were simply doing the same thing as Donald Trump, Bill Zanker and my interview expert. Each one knows that when she walks into school her nerves will be on fire. The right outfit will help her feel more confident, or in the case of Kendall – more like Lady Gaga. 

Imagine how differently you’d feel if instead of pulling on the same tired jeans, replete with faded mustard stains, or that boring blue button down you put some serious thought into what you should wear? If you dressed for what you want, instead of how you feel.  If you put on lipstick, even though you feel like shit.

Think of your clothing as a visual resume. It’s there to tell the story of who you are, and nobody is going to take those ill-fitting khakis seriously. And neither do you.