MENS-WELLBEING.COM

What’s the Point?

2012-02-08T22:18:29+00:00

Have you ever asked yourself ‘what is the point of life’? Well you’re not alone. In fact it’s a question philosophers have been asking themselves for recorded history. Yet at the same time it is a profoundly personal question. We all have to work out what our own point of living is. Of course, when things are going well, the point is pretty obvious … its love, sex, family, friends and the good times. But what about when things aren’t going so well?

When people get depressed they often spend a lot of time asking themselves what the point of their life is. For these men it is a serious problem. When depressed the world and the future looks bleak. In fact the world looks stripped of meaning. Everything just seems so pointless. In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, a journey into the depths of melancholia, Hamlet is found asking himself “To be or not to be, that is the question”. It is one of the most quoted lines in the English language for a reason. It speaks to our being alive, and if meaning cannot be found, the bringing of life to an end. It is the most profound question of existence we all face.

Unfortunately trying to grapple with these big questions when depressed is not the most sensible of strategies. None the less the question often presses itself on the mind of the depressed person with some force. How should we respond to a person that sees so little point in life?

My take on this is that just by being able to ask the question is astonishing in itself. Let me explain. Space, as we know, is vast. Millions and millions of light-years pass revealing nothing but stuff. Comets, stars and planets. Separating this stuff is endless amounts of nothingness. Space. Yet in the middle of this vast universe is a small star called the sun with a small planet called the earth on which you and I sit. Here we can reflect on this whole process, and ask ourselves … ‘just what is the point’! In other words we are that small part of a vast universe that can reflect on itself and ask why? It is in being able to ask what the point of life is that the point of life is revealed. Our life is a miracle. The point is everything.

Image by James Dent. Thanks.

Dr Phil Tyson is a Men's Psychotherapist based in Manchester in the UK. He offers:

About This Blog

Binge Eating Disorder in Men.

2012-02-01T20:05:03+00:00

Although anorexia and bulimia get their rightful share of press attention, a more common, and no less serious eating disorder often goes unreported. Binge eating disorder is characterised by repeated bouts of compulsive eating, often for hours at a time. Such eating usually occurs in private, and often at night. Sufferers report that they feel no sense of control over their eating, and it often distresses them either at the time of the binge or quickly after. A large proportion of sufferers are men

We are all familiar with using food to regulate our mood. Eating chocolate, cakes and other treats, are used by people to lift their mood, and help them get through the day. In binge eating disorder, however, the man eats excessively to cope with distressing emotion. Unfortunately the binging itself often gives way to feelings of guilt, disgust and despair. In fact there is a close link between binge eating and depression, with sufferers often being currently depressed or having reported being depressed in the past. The age of onset is similar to other eating disorders, late adolescence and early adulthood. Sometimes binging starts after an aggressive period of weight loss.

Unlike anorexia or bulimia, there is usually no attempt by the sufferer to purge the food by vomiting, laxatives or exercise. As a result the most obvious physical consequence of binge eating disorder is excessive weight gain, which in turn causes further health problems and undermines self esteem.

There is a lot that can be done to help people with binge eating disorder. Keeping a food diary often helps to limit episodes of binging, as does exercise, which naturally helps to moderate food intake. There are also strategys to help sufferers regulate their emotions in a more sustainable way. Ultimately, however, issues of low self esteem and depression need to be worked through before many sufferers can say they have beaten the disorder.

Dr Phil Tyson is a Men's Psychotherapist based in Manchester in the UK. He offers:

About This Blog

Bulimia in Men.

2011-12-06T16:07:38+00:00

Bulimia is an eating disorder characterised by bingeing on large amounts of food followed by purging of the food by vomiting or the use of laxatives. For men with bulimia it is not uncommon to binge and purge as many as 10 or even more times a day. Repeated vomiting causes other complications such as sore throat, bad teeth and poor skin.

Unlike anorexia which inevitably leads to weight loss and the scrutiny of worried onlookers, bulimia can often be hidden well. In fact some of the men with bulimia are overweight.

Central to the experience of bulimia in men is low self-esteem. The repeated bingeing on food creates feelings of self disgust and shame which mirrors how the man feels about himself. For men, the fact that eating disorders are often presented as "woman's issue" just adds to the shame and guilt. Some straight sufferers are concerned about seeking help in case professionals think they are gay.

Why do men get bulimia? Well bulimia is most likely to occur in the teen years. These are painful and confusing times in any boy's life as hormones and social pressures mix to form, for many, intolerable emotional burdens. It is true that bulimia is more common in families that do not meet the boys emotional needs. It is also true that bulimia is more common in boys with high standards and a degree of perfectionism. But the more we find out about bulimia, like other mental health problems, it looks likely that there is a high genetic component to the illness.

Whatever the reasons for the disorder, if you are suffering from bulimia, or other forms of eating distress, you can expect to be treated sympathetically and with respect if you approach a professional for help. The excellent work by Sam Thomas of Men Get Eating Disorders Too has done much to raise the profile of eating distress in men throughout the health care system.

Treatment for bulimia should ideally be three pronged. The first is to bring the bingeing and purging under control. The second is to understand why bingeing and purging became the method the man used to cope with their emotional pain. The third is to teach new and more effective techniques for emotional regulation. There is a way out of bulimia, but you do need to ask for the help.

Dr Phil Tyson is a Men's Psychotherapist based in Manchester in the UK. He offers:

About This Blog

Anorexia in Men.

2011-11-28T20:36:41+00:00

As we move into winter living, with the cold weather and dark nights upon us, for many of us our energies start to flag, and we look forward to the Christmas and New Year festivities. For some men, though, the festive season brings new challenges. With its emphasis on food and drink, men with eating disorders can feel particularly challenged. To mark this difficult time, I will focus my posts in the run-up to the New Year on eating disorders in men.

For many, "eating disorders" is synonymous with anorexia, but this is just one of several ways in which men experience eating distress. But what is anorexia in men?

The headline with anorexia is that the man restricts his intake of food to such an extent he becomes dangerously thin. When a man is this thin his brain is not sufficiently fuelled by nutrients, and this distorts his thinking further, and the illness can spiral out of control. If your body fat falls below 15% of your mass you are in the danger zone of anorexia. If you continue to restrict your intake of food, you may die.

Why do men get anorexia? The vulnerable time for men is in the teen years. It is during this period that we compare our physical capabilities and attractiveness with other boys. Not surprisingly, unlike girls, where our anorexia is motivated by the fear of fat, anorexia in men is often motivated by a desire to build a better physique. Anorexia in men is often associated with excessive exercise.

Trends in the media represent male beauty as involving a flat stomach with rippling abdominal muscles. For most men abdominal muscles are not visible until our body fat is at or below 14%. This is a dangerously low level to maintain our body fat. In fact professional models often "strip down" their body fat before a photo shoot and then allow it to creep up again after the shoot.

Representations of male beauty and what it means to be a man is only part of the story. For many men, they already have low self-worth before they started dieting and exercising excessively. In this sense anorexia might be a symptom of more complex underlying problems around feeling valued by family and friends. A proportion of anorexic men have had experiences of being bullied early in childhood for being overweight.

For many men with anorexia, their emotional world is extremely painful. Anorexia, if anything, is a way of coping with that pain. In a dark emotional world, sometimes controlling your weight is the only control you feel you have left.

For further information and support check out the Men Get Eating Disorders Too website.

Dr Phil Tyson is a Men's Psychotherapist based in Manchester in the UK. He offers:

About This Blog