Mhayes M'powers!

Looking to Alice Walker

2012-12-17T12:25:00.001-08:00

Please Read Auxiliary Blog Below:

Luv YA!

Demographics of an Evolving Self (uncut)

2012-11-12T10:14:00.001-08:00

Who Am I?

Melvin J. Hayes + Mattie J. Johnson = 38 years human, Melvina Chantel Hayes. Chosen by spirit to house this frame and go forward living/seeking/allowing life to impress universal truths upon my remembering… sensitive, discerning funnel of faith, expansive matter provocatively influenced by mounting experience(s), realness, truth, life, light.

What AM I?

Woman, descendant of an African clan in a foreign land acclaimed American, writer, artist, youth advocate, health activist, daughter, spiritual practitioner, sister, unclaimed wife, aunt, niece, writer, cousin, best friends, prayer warrior, employee, mentor, diva, artist, writer, icon, rebel, magician, writer, artist, light.

When am I?

When consciously unconscious, subconsciously sleep walking, awake ascending above my'self…

When fearful, intimidated, scared, grateful, fearless, appreciative, sacred, begrudging…

When lost, leading, following, learning, teaching, growing, stagnant…

When hurt, hailed, healed, healing, jealous, purely nailed to my crosses, believing in disbelief…

When satisfied, denied, rejected, dejected, afflicted, anointed M'powered…

When broke, broken, extravagant, impoverished, affluent, wealthy, rich…

When left, lost, longing, abandoned, abandoned-abandoned…abandoned…

When righteous, reactionary, wrong, pressured, judgmental, stubborn, pensive, present…

When all that I am escapes me…light.

How AM I?

Passionately, intensely, intensively turned-up, expansive deeply, intentionally, expressively, lovingly, ferociously, audaciously, coquettishly, coyly, boisterously, anxiously, passively, aggressively, pre-tty, sexy, roguishly, impatiently, dogmatically, saintly, culturally, pretentiously, transparently, artistically, light.

Why AM I?

To evolve, to remember what I agreed to forget I know, to experience reasons to laugh, cry, love and laugh a lot, to advance the Human Genome Project, to express a lineage and unfold a legend, to thrust the envelope wide open, to pour my spirit into the cauldron of life, to confuse the jaded mind, to jumpstart the failing heart, to see as much of me in possibility as I dare to believe, to extinct the Human Genome Project, to reflect mother's nature, to co-create life, to create light.

Where Am I?

What I know, unequivocally, about where I am is where I've been…I think. If I follow my yellow brick road to "here" I'd see textures of love, rage, commitment, triumph and defeat. I'd see lots of love, love lost, blank spaces, hurt places, mixed races, races in places oscillating backwards to "here".

I'd see invisible truths, discernible denials, broken systems, broken hearts, shattered dreams, deafened screams, listless progressions to "here".

Passing desiccated reservoirs, dedications to illusions of commitment, trysts of passion speeding to red lights, longings deferred, dreams fulfilled, miracles on wings of magic, divine bridges over hellacious pitfalls.

On my way to "here"…protected by serrated boundaries, lost tugs of war w/ drawstrings pulling my heart's desires 360° to…wthere?

…opaque determinations & commitments and I meant its, don't get its, get wit' it or miss its, reminiscent of relentless gifts of doubt, hope on thick clouds of smoke; and consistently mis-diagnosing me 20/20; but from "here" I see…light.

Luv YA!

Adulterated Athleticism

2012-09-17T08:22:00.001-07:00

Feigning Seeking Understanding…

presumably the reason for…

confrontation, antagonism, disagreeability, condescension,

while you cleverly hail,

having not actually even convinced yourself

to seek to know, understand.

Transparently, in full disguise,

feigning to not "know"

dupe, reading from your playbook of "Intellectually Stimulating Debate",

your victims, your loved ones take darts, venom that you may feel well…

lest they we shielded.

Feigning Possessing Knowing…

After incessant politic'in: some…

pseudo-enlightened, conclusive manifesto, a failed attempt to mask

passive-AGGRESSIVE pathologies perpetuated, projected onto

your sister friend; keeping your foot on someone else's neck,

attempting to keep another good _____ down

allowing you to better live with,

lest you ever attempt to debate with,

your own vices.

Meaning Claiming Being…

I meant what I said,

"No MORE mental gymnastics for me", please & thank you.

Choosing not to appease,

succumb to my own debauchery, to be sure, not yours.

BEING, I said!

My pathology unleashed:

shining bright lights in areas where darkness protects, preserves, perpetuates;

leaving allusive bonds dilapidated;

throwing it all up, escaping your t'rap, imposing mine,

turning up the volume;

creating regret (for ALL)!!!

Holistic Healing…my pathology………………………………………………….leashed:

appreciating the opportunity;

assuming responsibility where I discern;

allowing you to BE.

My stations:

knowing…

being…

PEACE!

Yep, I get off…

Luv YA!

Red Baskets

2012-09-10T18:48:00.001-07:00

Red Baskets

Baskets of shit. All of this shit. Why don't we just take what we need? Why are we so greedy? Red baskets! Am I inclined to be entitled because I choose to be lower class? It's "The Man's" responsibility to provide for me…Really? So, since he fails to help me excel, I'll live my hell out loud and impose on your lifestyle, I try.

Red Baskets full of shit in streets. Because, I choose to be lower class, I'm exempt from…fuck it, I'm lawless. I see you in your business suits in pursuit of your dreams and since "The Man" has relinquished his responsibility to me, I can cross slowly against your green, selling my magazine, requesting your "spare change" with my Red Basket full of shit that I don't even need. Since, I'm lower class, my greed liberates me of the responsibility of the consciousness that you seek. "…and feed me!"

My artistry: black ink on card boards, living out loud my misery, free speech allowing me to intrude on you in pursuit of your feats. Choosing a lower class allows me to sleep and pee on streets that carry you to your dreams, because I'm too fucking lazy to believe. Red Baskets full of shit that I don't even need. Apparently, you owe me; because your wealth (or so it seems) is what I seek.

Red Baskets full of shit that I don't need, oblique, as I rest my feet from the hustle that I seek in pursuit of you chasing your dreams while we feign desires for relief from these streets that house me, walking against your green, mean…lawlessly awaiting "The Man" to bequeath me, lest I eat from your hand.

Red Baskets pulled by two hands, two feet, in streets passing signs that welcome me to apply for positions ensuring true liberty; instead remaining in my zone of comfort, wearing my label of "Lower" allowing you to owe me spending my life in misery awaiting "The Man" to bestow me with the freedom that I feign to seek.

Red Baskets on Mission Street!

Luv Ya!

Trust?

2012-07-10T18:58:00.001-07:00

Would you rather trust yourself with someone you certainly don't trust or take the risk of trusting someone you're not certain you can trust?

Is it a conundrum to desire safety/security, stability and honesty? Is it a setup for failure? Am I cheating life (self) if assurance is what I yearn for, even if it comes at the cost of principled relationships? What has integrity ever afforded me?

I took my integrity into my local financial institution and asked them to cash it; and I left in debt. …charged with CONTEMPT as their safety & security is based on sub-prime, exploitation and marketing tactics, camouflaged as "fine print". Is fair exchange really no robbery?

Could the joke really be on me: "Why aren't you married?"…as I ponder, "Why aren't you single?". Must one relinquish peace, sanity and seemingly self-respect in the name of love? Could this be a fair exchange devoid of robbery…quid pro quo? So, have time, lonesome goodbyes and faith been a waste in pursuit of something that is an illusion: safety in the midst of other human beings?

Is life's sole purpose to be enigmatic? …and the degree to which one tries to grasp its meaning is inversely proportional to ones success in life: hence the adage, "Let It Go!" So, why try…anything? Could this be Deepak's reasoning with the Law of Least Effort: hence the adage, "Fuck It!"?

If I had a penny for my thoughts, I'd be sipping sangria in Sag Harbor with a chef and the sunset on deck!

Instead I quest with certainty that I'm on the journey designed exclusively for me, exactly where I'm meant to be.

My Attitude?
Gratitude!

Luv YA!!!

Sentenced

2012-03-05T09:07:00.001-08:00

Sentenced to Life, the possibility of parole after...after, after
Thinking that what you see is what you get, i stand convicted,
Apparently, convicted of being too damn nice,
foreshadowed my plight
Convicted of loving another indiscriminately despite what was best for me
Knowing no better than to throw caution to the wind, w/ both feet I jumped in to what manifested as a frying pan
Yep, I got burnt, one might think I would've learned
Dodging a 9mm bullet, from the frying pan I jumped right into the skillet
Daring to love again
Convicted of wanting to be his friend, accepting a disorderly not destined to be anything great
Convicted of thinking that my love might make the difference
But to that there was indifference married to an inability to see what was in his own best interest
I was in my prime, plead guilty to the crime & did my time.

Sentenced to Life, the possibility of parole, after...
After pulling myself up by my boot straps, I found that
No amount of resistance causes the love bug to flee, even after it had bitten me
Convicted...with the determination to get it right...
Because ladies, let's be fair, who in here doesn't want that other, that lover that allows you to know that your heart beats, that you can surmount defeat, that ride or die in your life, that make your toes curl, that getting on your nerves, that make you glide through that red light cuz' he consumes your mind, that turn your frown upside down, that if he gets too close the hairs on your neck stand, that...that...that Black MAN!
So, as i was say'in...

Convicted...with the determination to get it right I bought into the fairy tale called shining knight
But, his armor is what I missed, replete w/ bliss by a kiss from one when undressed was really a frog
Happy at home couldn't satiate his desire to leap & sit, or should i say shit on many thrones, didn't someone ever tell him to, "leave well enough alone"
So while my love was being drug and taken for granted,
He dug a ditch that his swag couldn't fix
I was twice convicted with an itch to perpetuate my own undoing in the best interest of pursuing, no knight, no Mr. Right, but my own light...
Ohhh, but first, I was Convicted of penal code 411 turned up 911
I paid my restitution and turned within and realized my solution

Sentenced to life, without the possibility of parole...
Convicted w/ the Truth: everywhere I go, there I am
Then, I was charged w/ becoming a better woman
More than cliché, is to be your own best friend instead of looking for it in a man!
But, whoever said, "You can't win for loosin'!" was yeah...
'Cuz, then I was convicted of being too bourgeoisie
Graduated from being too naive to too outspoken,
Now, I'm too independent & intimidating, "Are you fucking joking?"
I'm too suucessful, too happy, too much acting like I don't too much need a man, too educated, too beautiful, too athletic,too much nurturing, much too candid, too spiritual, too ambitious, too much class, too much sass & jazz, too much bringing sexy back, too much nails & toes tight, hair right...
And on that note too much short, too much natural, too much straight, too much weave, too much fried, dyed and laid to the side...
"You're just too muuuch, Miss!"
Just call me CONVICT...because I have had too muh of this ISH!

Sentenced to Life, the possibility of...
If the possibility is all I have, I'll wear it like a crown, pierced by the thorns,
And hustle, holding fast to faith while I visualize for more,
Convinced of the possibility of him that sees past my vessel to a level that allows kindreeed spiriiiits to parlay this thing into the rest of our...
Does it have to be a dream from which I continue to awake, in this state...
shaking my belief in the possibility of you and me, just like that, to eternity
If Bonnie can do it w/ Clyde, then Why not you & I,
You be Tarzan, I'll be Jane...we don't even need the fame
You can be the beast, I'll be your beauty & you can even get the booty...
But, I see a YOU that wants the whole, package, not just the wrapping

But instead you w/lust in yo' eyes, blinded by the white...
Oh...I know, it's the gold & the bling illuminating yo screen that has you to think of me as a piece of meat best suited to be wearin' yo sheets...
Oh, okay...it's the pink that let me think that it's all thiiis flyneeess that solicited the wink, when instead its "him" to whom you speak
Or is it the green that has you captivated,
no time in space to be dedicated to another human being,
Orrrr, I get it...it's the incest that's got you a mess,
Committed to yo' momma or yo' sista,
But, yo' sistah Yolandah told you to..."Be Blessed"!
I get that I'm not perfect, just a very close second, I reckon,
if someone would soon get the lesson, "Stop wreckin' yo blesson"
To believe or not to believe, that is my question
If you impel me to believe that THIS is the best that I can get,
Then give me capital punishment; because I'm not doing this...

Approaching 2 score of this love'less,
One woulda think of me a menace,
Fuck It...sentenced!

Luv YA!

Take Out the Trash!

2012-01-02T21:06:00.000-08:00

Greetings Sisters,

The last couple of days have brought the realization that my sisters (and I) need somewhere to dump our trash. We know what the trash is...the CAC Acts, fear, doubt, procrastination, etc.

Whatever it is, you've all expressed a desire to go into this new year without out it. I offer this space as a dumping ground. All I ask is that as you take out your trash, you connect (comment) with another sister who has dumped hers and needs to be pointed in the direction of healing.

As we lighten our loads and allow the abundance of the Universe to express through us, I offer the following affirmation:

"I RELEASE all fear and doubt; and my good comes to me easily and effortlessly."

Luv YA!

DIVINE INTERVENTION: Use As Directed

2011-12-24T20:22:00.000-08:00

What does it mean when people say, “GOD is so faithful”? Until yesterday, I always wondered why God was faithful…aren’t I the one who should be exhibiting faith? Why does He/She/It have to demonstrate faith in me? Now, I get it…“God is so FAITHFUL!”.

There is no infidelity, inconsistency, broken promises, etc. Yesterday, I was about a mile beyond the end of my rope; there was no rope. Then, amidst the debris of the crises of my life that I’ve spent the last month-and-a-half clinging onto, God appeared. Last night, I drug myself to a party where I had a Divine Appointment with my Maker, I know.

She showed up in the form of a 5’7”ish female with Diva Swagger and Confidence and an agenda. She was fervently on her way out the door; and then there was me. I had just come in and was taking a moment alone to gather myself and prepare to be engaged by a houseful of…”Happy Go Luckily Happys”.

She passed me once as she headed to the restroom, thoroughly engaged on a phone call. On the way back she passed me; then she turned around, introduced herself and welcomed herself to sit with me. The rest is history, or should I say “her”story!.

The interaction MUST be likened to an impromptu conversation with a grandmother who sniffs-out turmoil amongst a member of her clan, an old girlfriend who knows you’re lying when you say, “I’m Good!”, a sister who knows just where it hurts, a best friends who knows exactly what to administer and a prophet who can discern truth that inherently sheds light (on your darkness). Opting to focus on spirituality more than any given religion, I MUST acknowledge, that she was (is) Savior, sent by the Savior, God expressing as a tried/triumphant WOMAN. This was nothing short of God, I’m sure.

And in an instant, the word/touch/.love from God that I’d prayed to “feel” was sitting right before my eyes, administering the words, songs/prayers to mend the broken places. It was the most appropriate treatment and she wasn’t sent a moment too soon/late. There was Divine Intervention in my life on December 23, 2011, at approximately 9:10pm. All was well; and…

Today, all I know is faith, hope, prosperity, joy, unconditional love, stillness, and did I say FAITH. My God is FAITHFUL. It may have been the 11^th hour and 59^th minute…God showed up RIGHT ON TIME!

So cut the CAC Act, Mel, be still and know (thy GOD).

Luv YA!

Getting Good Loving-Chapter 9

2011-11-26T16:37:00.000-08:00

Working It Out

Serious relationships are built and sustained not only on heartfelt feelings but also on the degree to which partners are willing to "give up" a part of their lives to each other.
~Haki R. Madhubuti

Sign Me Up...

So happy to have completed the journey, or shall I say commence it.

Many experiences have me wondering if I'm still interested. ...so much ambivalence. To love? Or not? To Work It Out or Just Do Me? Aeiiiiiii...Aeiiiiiii...Aeiiiiiii!

Luv YA!

Getting Good Loving-Chapter 8

2011-11-21T09:56:00.000-08:00

Seven Ways to Find Love & Make It Last

Give up the defensive position.
Give up the need to be right.
Stop stonewalling tactics that allow neither party to open up in an intimate, honest discussion of issues.
Stop using manipulation to get your way.
Back off and surrender.
Practice active listening.
Try gratitude.
Give feedback in a clear, honest and compassionate way.

~ Audrey B. Chapman

8, or 7???? I'll take all the insight afforded me. The previous chapter is appropriately situated before this one; it fertilized my mind to receive this information. Let's see what she's talkin' 'bout!

Luv YA!!!

Getting Good Loving-Chapter 7

2011-11-12T03:24:00.000-08:00

Giving Up Entitlement

It is important that we as a people be responsible and responsive to ourselves. Rarely does a person say, "I choose" to be happy and take responsibility for his or her own happiness.
~Melvin L. Hardy Jr.

Can you teach an old dog new tricks? How is it that I envision this being so empowering; yet, I'm so resistant? ..."be responsible and responsive" to myself...and foster healthy relationships with others? Are not these two dynamics mutually exclusive? Is "relating" to each other with a modecum of interdependence a basic human right that we are, in fact, entitled, too?

While self-reliance is seemingly safer in this world...I'll try to keep my mind open and move forward.

Luv YA!

Getting Good Loving (Check In)

2011-11-07T07:27:00.000-08:00

Is anybody there? Hello?

Well, I remain, and with open arms. I haven't aborted the mission; however, it's been an interesting week. Thus, I didn't complete Chapter 6. I intend to do so this week.

Initiation has been the theme for me and I'm weathering the storms of life at my best. Actually, I still have this bull by the horns.

Never before in life have I ever been arrested by something so intense, unrelenting and intangible. What is this thing:
-heart pulsating
-feelings hurt/forgiveness effortless
-peace w/ being misunderstood/misunderstanding
-clear reflection of the ugly aspects of me, allowing me to learn to accept/love the same
-abandoning all reasonable/rational thought
-desiring to hold the weight of another, fostering well-being

What is this thing called...

Luv YA!

Getting Good Loving-Chapter 6

2011-10-28T17:39:00.001-07:00

Love Games, Power Plays And Sexual Defenses

Her Side...
[Men] turned out to be a major disappointment. Said one thing and did another. Couldn't back up half of what they led me to believe. Then begged me to be patient. And like a "fool", I tried it, until I got tired of idling, and the needle fell on empty. They wanted to play house. Or The Dating Game. Or Guess Where I'm Coming From? Or Show Me How Much You Love Me Then I'll Show You. And then they're the ones who got scared when they realized I wasn't playing. "You too intense," one said. "Too serious," said another.

His Side
[Women] are all the same, that's for damn sure. Want all your time and energy. Want the world to revolve around them. Once you give 'em some lovin', they go crazy. Start hearing wedding bells... Every time I turned around, my phone was ringing off the damn hook. "Hi Franklin," one would say. And I would sit there and try to guess which one it was. "Watcha doing?". What a stupid-ass question to call somebody up and ask. It oughta be obvious that I wasn't thinking about her, or else I'da called her, right?

~Terry McMillan
Disappearing Acts

Whaaaaaaa?!

So while I KNOW "Her Side" to be The Truth (okay, well maybe just true), I have no idea what man with any modicum of common sense would think that ALL women behave this way.

But, damn...I have called a brother with the opening salutation: "Watcha doN?". And what's worse: his response, "Wassup?". Aaaahhhhhhh! Arghhh! How dare Terry McMillan reveal such truths.

Thank God for growth.

Luv YA!

Getting Good Loving-Chapter 5

2011-10-21T21:34:00.000-07:00

Damned If She Does, Damned If She Doesn't

"Lawd, these things we women
Have to stand!
I wonder is there nowhere a
Do-right man?"
~Langston Hughes
Early Evening Quarrel

In perusing this chapter the thing that's convicted me most is the acknowledgement of "Superwoman" as a myth.

As I paced around my place, racing to get it presentable to entertain, I decided to allow over-achieving to flee from this place. I've been working, serving, striving all week long. The good news is, I'm not nasty. The news is, a few dishes in the sink, books throughout the living room, stains on the mirror are indicative of nothing more than "life" in this place.

The "representative" has clocked out, I'm doing "me". This is a Friday at my house, Friday, 10/21/11, to be exact. This is good enough for me. I hope it's good enough for you.
Feet up, goblet & remote in tow. I think it's quite acquiescent that I'm willing to share.
Lovin' Superwoman...but, leavin' her.

"Damn, I didn't order my Mary tickets!

Luv YA!

Getting Good Loving-Chapter 4(b)

2011-10-14T21:47:00.000-07:00

It seems that this chapter calls for an additional week. Although some of you are reading at your own pace, I still welcome your comments at any point. I feel like this book has the potential to bust (wide) open the myths and parasites that plague our relationships, if we'll allow ourselves to look at/contemplate them (and ourselves). I'd like to...No, I'm going to keep this book in rotation. It's very necessary.

I would love to know how Black Men feel about the accusations/revelations of these tactical moves intended to control black women while shielding themselves.

Luv Ya!

Getting Good Loving-Chapter 4

2011-10-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

I understand that many of you are still reading previous chapters. No worries...the posts will be here endlessly and your comments are always welcome.

It's a Man Thing

"I don't think it off the wall to speculate that most of the problems between men and women are related to a man's panic in the face of a woman's anger."

~Dr. Frank Pittman

I've perused the chapter and, I feel like I might come out of this one with indelible "nuggets":

A Wary Freedom
Black Women: Targets, Threats or Allies
The Black Men's Roundtable: "Why the Sisters Get Me Down"
The Need for Control
If I Split My Heart in Two, You Can't Break It
The Best Advice: Don't be Nice
You Can't Hit a Moving Target
I Give You Everything Else: Don't Ask for my Heart, Too
A Woman Needs to Know Her Place
Musical Chairs
A Black Woman for Security
Some Would Rather Switch Than Fight
Getting His Act Together

Luv Ya!

Getting Good Loving-Chapter 3

2011-09-30T08:04:00.001-07:00

The Entitlement Syndrome

"The belief that a partner should make one happy is not uncommon; most men and women entering a romantic relationship hope this will happen. With maturity, some couples come to realize that no one person can make them happy all the time, but other couples struggle with this desire throughout their relationship. Partners have a right to expect honesty, patience, support, cooperation, and most of all, respect from each other. What they cannot expect is for someone else to provide them with self-esteem or to make up for past suffering or injustice. Self-fulfillment is possible in a relationship when the partners focus on what is good in the relationship, rather than what is missing."
~ Audrey B. Chapman

This is good stuff. I'm really looking forward to this chapter; although something in me wants to resist the idea of another telling me what I have the "right" to expect or not expect, from a mate. I'm going in with trust in her expertise, and will see what income out with.

Let's Go, Ladies.

Luv YA!

Getting Good Loving - Chapter 2

2011-09-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

Raising Our Daughters, Loving Our Sons: The Setup

"We are the children of those who chose to survive."
~Nana Poussiant, Daughter of the Dust

Huh? In the words of one of my best(ies), "Lawdy, Lawdy, Lawdy".

This is sure to hit home for me...and I'm already claiming, "This right here...this sh*t right here...is some buuuull.". Definite setup. "Unkay Mel, breathe!".

Luv YA!

Getting Good Loving-Chapter 1 Response

2011-09-19T21:53:00.000-07:00

There are a few things that stood out to me:

"Besides fighting with black men, far too many women resort to fighting with other sisters over the few black men that are available." (p. 4) WTH...I can relate to this as the perpertator and the victim. I feel like this is a very real threat to the success of a committed relationship for me. I've considered finding the type of committed love that we've dicussed in other...well, ,let's just say, I'm totally, TOTALLY out of the box. OUT!...while keeping my heart open to black men.
"When expectations go unfulfilled, fantasy often steps in to fill the void...Of course we all know that a perfect man doesn't exist anywhere for anyone." (p. 6) I feel like I've internalized this, have been tested and passed with flying colors. I KNOW there is no perfect being and I'm, finally, okay with that. But...uhhhmmmm, well, this requires a balancing act; because sometimes kindness (i.e. compassion for one's humanness) can be mistaken for weakness. This requires confidence and a healthy sense of self-worth, I think.
"For many black men, the ultimate fantasy is the best mother they can imagine. She is accommodating, a tireless listener and an unquestioning cheerleader. What he wants is unconditional love, but romantic love always comes with conditions." (p. 7) Arrrrrrrgh! Speechless.
"Black men have successfully gotten away with their sexist behavior because they have successfully kept our focus on racism." (p. 12). I thought this statement/topic was very interesting. As someone who has been surrounded by male energy, I so get this. It can be very alienating and encourages what A.B. Chapman acknowledges: "...many {women} suffer in silence.
"...Most black women have difficulty understanding that 'opening up' can be a very frightening experience for the average black male." (p. 15) I have struggled to "get" this, to no avail. What is the fear? What is the worst that can happen? What happens if they don't take the risk (to love)?
"The reality is that far too many black men and women grow up with a great void and need for emotional closeness, but are taught in hundreds of ways that they won't find this fulfillment in each other. This book is my gesture of loyalty and commitment to BLACK LOVE! I can only hope (and pray) that I'll be a participant.

Luv YA!

Getting Good Loving: Chapter 1

2011-09-16T13:15:00.001-07:00

The Way I See It...

"Do not depend on anyone else for your happiness. Happiness is something a person acquires for themselves with their energy and the tools of their mind.
-J. California Cooper, "In Search of Satisfaciton"

Hey Divas,
In the famous words of MC Hammer, "Let's Get It Started!". The majority of us have received our books and are ready to indulge. I'll add a new post by next Friday. Otherwise feel free to express yourself by commenting on this one.

If you don't mind, please create a profile for yourself (offered when you submit your comment). It'll allow us to become familiar with each other. If you're more comfortable with anonymity, consider making up a moniker.

All I know is, yesterday gave me enough reason to appreciate this statement (by J. California Cooper). Life is a tricky son-of-gun! There has been a key "peace" of my happiness that rested outside of my awareness until yesterday. I can't wait to read this weekend.

Luv YA!

Book/Blog Club Launch

2011-09-13T17:21:00.001-07:00

Hi Ladies,

Today, I received the latest version of "Getting Good Loving". I know some of you are still awaiting your book; so, I'll hit you up again on Friday (9/16/11) about the first read.

In the meanwhile, please be sure to subscribe to the blog because I'm no longer sending emails.

Luv YA!

Forgiveness, According to Dr. Estes

2011-09-04T13:03:00.000-07:00

FOREGO (Leave It Alone)

To begin to forgive, it is good to forgo for a while. That is, to take a break from thinking about the person or the thing for a while. It is not leaving something undone, but rather taking a vacation from it. This prevents us from being exhausted, allows us to strengthen in other ways, to have other happiness in our lives...

FOREBEAR (Abstain from Punishing)

The second phase is to forebear, particularly in the sense of abstaining from punishment; neither thinking about it or acting on it in small or large ways. it is extremely useful to practice this kind of containment, for it coalesces the issue into one place instead of allowing it to flow everywhere. This builds focus toward the time that one proceeds to the next steps. This does not mean to go blind or dead and lose self-protective vigilance. It means to give a bit of grace to the situation and see how that assists....

FORGET (Aver form Memory, Refuse to Dwell)

...in other words, to let go, to loosen one's hold, particularly on memory. To forget does not mean to make yourself brain-dead. Conscious forgetting means letting go of the event, not insisting it stay in the foreground, but rather moving it off stage, allowing it to be relegated to the background...

FORGIVE (Abandon the Debt)

There are many ways and portions to forgiving a person, a community, a nation for an offense. It is important to remember that a final forgiveness is not a surrender. It is a conscious decision to cease to harbor resentment, which includes forgiving a debt and giving up one's resolve to retaliate. You are the one who decides when to forgive and what ritual to use to mark the event. You decide what debt you will now say needs to be paid further...

~Women Who Run With the Wolves

Luv YA!

Anger, According to Dr. Estes

2011-09-03T07:27:00.000-07:00

The outrage or irritation we naturally feel about various aspects of life is exacerbated when there were repeated incidents of disrespect, harrowing, neglect or high ambiguity in childhood. A person thusly injured is sensitized to further injury and utilizes all defenses to avoid them. Gross losses of power, meaning loss of certainty that we are worthy of care, respect, and concern, causes extreme sorrow and angry childhood vows to, once grown, never allow oneself to be harmed like that ever again.

Additionally, if a woman was raised to have fewer positive expectations than others in the family, with harsh restraints on her freedoms, deportment, language and so forth, her normal anger is likely to escalate over issues, tones of voices, gestures, words, and other sensory triggers that remind her of the original events. Sometime educated guesses can be made about the wounds of childhood by closely inspecting what matters adults irrationally lose their tempers over.

We want to use anger as a creative force…

To turn the other cheek, that is, to remain silent in the face of injustice or mistreatment, has to be weighed very carefully. It is one thing to use passive resistance as a political tool as Gandhi taught masses of people to do, but it is quite another matter when women are encouraged or forced to be silent in order to survive an impossible situation of corrupt or unjust power in the family, community or world. Then women are amputated from the wild nature and their silence is not serenity but an enormous defense against being harmed. It is a mistake for others to think that just because a woman is silent, it always means she approves of life as it is.

~Women Who Run With the Wolves

Luv YA!

Book/Blog Club - Book Order

2011-09-01T13:47:00.001-07:00

Hey Ladies,

Although many of you have already done so, it's time to order this work of art/transformation/love. Amazon.com is really inexpensive.

On Friday, September 16, 2011, we will start reading. In the meanwhile (after you receive your book), please give me an idea of your preference, one chapter per week or one chapter every two weeks.

Also, remember to subscribe so that you can receive new posts notifications. I have a feeling this is going to be FABULOUS!

Luv YA!

Hot Water Lovin'!

2011-08-27T08:30:00.001-07:00

Thrilled to have been called to the task...BANGIN'! But, don't try this at home.

Luv YA!