All that glisters is not gold.

莫名奇妙

2013-03-24T23:39:00.000+08:00

This person made me felt super perplexed. I got to know her through F1 last year when I was working for Ritz Carlton and she was one of the suite ambassadors for F1. She is probably about 12-13 years older than me? Pretty, nice and funny.(All suite ambassadors are either ex SQ girls or still flying seniors)

We kept in touch since then and whatsapp each other here and there. She struck me as someone very friendly and engaging so I thought I found a nice friend.

She knew about my new job when I started in November, and mentioned that she has an "enemy" who works at my office building. This so called enemy apparently is some married guy who dated her very close girlfriend, along with a few other girls at the same time.

One day, around the first week of CNY, we were whatsapping and she asked me, working in a big company will I mix with other colleagues from other depts etc.. To which I said not really coz not so close, then she mentioned "how about other company in your buildings?" Which I felt was so weird. She is always asking me about my work.. and about where our company bring us to CNY dinner.. (which she gave me a disclaimer saying that she doesn't work that's why she's so curious)
Then I mentioned "I rmb u have an enemy in my building right?"

That set her off. She started a super long rant to me in whatsapp about this "enemy" in my building again. This time she gave me the whole story about how her girlfriend love this guy so much, yet he played with her etc etc, and had many other gfs outside of his marriage etc. She was super agitated and kept saying that the guy was "jian". for hurting her girlfriend.
So I responded with things like "what an asshole..bla bla bla.." that girls usually respond to such stories.

THEN. That weekend, I remember it was a Sunday when I was with CC on the train, she called me. It was the first time she called me. It was an unknown number and I picked up asking "who is this?" And she said "is this Michelle" and I said "who is this?" again, and this went on for a few times -_- until finally she went "Hey Michelle... It's xxxxxx la.."

I was quite surprised, and I said "Hey.. What's up, why you call me?"

Then comes the strangest conversation in my whole life. Let's call her B and me, M. I'll try to recall the exact conversation as accurate as I can

B: "Eh girl.. I didn't know you know Dennis leh.."
M: "Huh? Who is Dennis?"
B: "Rmb I told you about the guy working in your building... I don't know you actually know him la...."
M: "Huh? Er I think you call the wrong Michelle is it?"
B: "No la.. Its you correct. Michelle Teo."
M: "I really don't know anyone called Dennis la. The only Dennis I know is my cousin's husband and he lives in Indonesia?!"
B: "Girl, girl, calm down. Don't worry I am calling as a friend. I just don't want you to get hurt, after all you are still so young, it's not easy to resist temptations I can understand."
M: "Er what temptations? I might be young but I'm not stupid? "
B: "So you are saying my friend is stupid to get cheated??"
M: "Hello B, in the first place I really don't know this Dennis. I have zero idea who is it. Why are you so sure I know him?"
B: "Er.... Coz my friend saw your photo" (wtf?!)
M: "from where? She saw my picture in Facebook? How she know me? You show her? or am I a fb friend with this guy or what?"
(my first thought was that the only way she can see my photos is through Facebook, and perhaps her friend identified me wrongly, or that I am a mutual friend with this "Dennis" hence she called me up?)
B: "Yah.."
(Super contradicting part comes)
M: "I don't understand. Is it someone who looks like me? I think your friend is mistaken la.."
B: "Er Michelle.. actually my girlfriend.. She knows some people outside. And she did some investigations. So you were inside lor. There are pictures of you."
M: "HUH? Wtf?"
(photos?? like where? in bed? LOL)
B: "I really just called to warn you.. coz you still young la.. he's very good at sweet talking, don't get cheated by him.."
M: " So where am I in these so called photos that you got of me? Can you show me?"
B: "You were at your office there lor.. I don't have it with me. its with my gf."
(Feeling more and more ridiculous)
M: "So what was I wearing in the pictures?"
B: "er... Office clothes"
(Wow so descriptive)
M: "I don't know what is going on but this is so ridiculous..I don't know how you get my photos and if it's even true or not, but I really don't know this Dennis and I have no reason to be involved with him anyway. I am v happy with my bf. In fact, he is beside me right now."
B: "Oh? Your bf not working?"
(so random)
M: "Yah he don't work on Sundays. Ok anyway thanks for calling. Bye."

I hung up. I did not hear from her since.

Super 莫名奇妙 right??? I can't get this around my head. Wtf is happening??

Anyway, I came out with several possible scenarios that led to this:

A) This Dennis exists. Works at my office building. Cheated on B's gf (whoever that is), she hired a PI, who took pictures of him at our lobby AND I happened to take the same lift and come out same time or give the impression that I know this person? Maybe I was talking to my colleague behind? Dunno.

B) SHE -"B"IS THE GF. Extreme paranoia due to being the "other woman" and jilted by this "Dennis" dude. She told me she has a husband but I have seen zero pictures of his husband. B's facebook profile name is not even her own name?! It's a strange male sounding name. Nor does her profile picture has her face. She told me that her husband is an air steward and is always flying around. Some of the nuggets of their lives that she told me seems authentic though. Like her husband is very unromantic and doesn't care about V-day and stuffs. I have zero idea. She can still be the "other woman" while married, I suppose.

C) This Dennis is really one of my colleagues? But his real name is not Dennis. Lol.

Ok that's all that I can think of for now. I really don't know what's going on. That day after hanging up I felt like texting her to scold her. Our conversation really unsettled me. But CC told me not to since we don't know what she's even thinking and by contacting her I am just encouraging her?

I increased my privacy in FB and blocked her from seeing my basic info (email, twitter, blog address).

Who knows, she is even reading this now. haha.

Maybe I am too sensitive but right after this incident, I noticed that her WeChat statuses is sounding a little crazed.
At that time, she had something like "you are a fool bla bla silly" or something like that. I changed my status to "delusional?" because I was so irritated by this incident, and right after that, she changed hers to "Naive or ignorant... stupidity..??? hmmmmmmm..."

lol now I am the stalker. Her whatsapp picure (which never has her face on it) is a WALL OF TEXT, word for word as follow:
"Biggest joke is wen a person
makes U think that U r the 1
controlling the strings @ e
beginning...THEN... u realised (or
never will realise) e puppet is none
other than u... 老狐狸... As sly as a
fox, as brave as a bear.... as fast as a
hare... oh oh all I wanna be...."

I don't think this sounds normal right? How can someone be so angry over her "girlfriend's" tough love life??

Sent from my iPhone

Hahaha

2013-03-04T17:15:00.001+08:00

Ok my Aunty Flo is here today! Yay.

Found a blog written few years ago by a girl who was trying to get pregnant. Her writing "voice" is so cute!. All her posts sounds like one of those shopaholic novels. Like this excerpt.

"I was talking to one my co-workers the other day - his wife is pregnant and due in a couple of weeks - and he told me that they had been trying to get pregnant for over a year but his wife has had some "women" problems and one day she was at the lab getting an ultrasound and the doctor said: "I see an egg in your ovary right now so you better run home and get busy." So she called him at work and he rushed home and that month she got pregnant.
I wish I could have an ultrasound every day and someone can tell me exactly when I'm ovulating."

Cute right?! I'm happy for her that she conceived eventually after all..

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L is for..

2013-03-04T01:58:00.000+08:00

Life? Love? Lust?

Life has been somewhat slowing down and I've been slowing getting into the swing of things, particularly for work.

Work's been fun. In a blink of an eye, I've been there for 4 months?!?! Whoa. Pressure's now on me to perform huh.
What with the series of measures recently introduced by the government. We are all quite lost at work and like many other trade counterparts, are adopting the "wait and see" attitude for now.

(TMI alert. Lol. ) Am quite upset now because my period has not come yet. It's making me edgy and nervous. All signs are there, everywhere hurts and I'm so damn tired everyday. I am hoping feverishly that it is indeed my impending period and not the opposite.

If you had been in this same situation as me, you would probably have googled, like a thousand pages. And read all the forums on signs and symptoms. And accutely realizing that most people are in fact, wishing the opposite. They are "TTC" aka Trying To Conceive -_-

Apparently obsession on this topic knows no bounds. My foray into reading these forums has freaked me out totally.

Having said that, the thought of a family with CC isn't that bad. I actually had the urge to write this post mainly because I was lying in bed, wondering (more like obsessing) when my period will come and started thinking of CC.

He makes me very happy most of the time. Even when he pisses me off I'm still happy. Maybe it's because we only meet 1-2 times a week? It seems like with every single Sunday that I meet him, I love him a little more.

Lots of his mannerisms and quirkiness that people don't see. It's super cute and unabashed, totally different from the impression he gives people and I love it.

Just before bed I spoke to him on the phone. We hung up and proceeded to start a conversation in Whatsapp. Lol. Love CC lots and CC loves me. Yay. I can't speak for the future but right now I really cannot imagine being with anybody else.

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If I ever do get married.....

2013-01-03T13:43:00.002+08:00

VALENTINO

2013-01-02T08:55:00.000+08:00

And that's the thing about love:

People reckon they can be joined as one from now and forever more.
What they don't quite realize is we are born alone in this world and always will be alone.

In love, we are scores of parallel lines running alongside each other. If you dare hope; if you DO hope, these lines run together, side by side, perhaps together always, from now and forever more.

CC quite randomly asked me yesterday "so what's your new year resolution?" Right off the top of my head I told him, "Lose weight and save money!!"
He, deadpan, "That's what you said last year. And the year before."
-_-

One can dream! I can do it! 3-5 kg to go!

To love and being loved.

Happy 2013.

Sent from my iPhone

BREATHE, MICH, BREATHE

2012-11-01T01:22:00.001+08:00

Wow I totally forgot that iOS 6 can attach pictures in emails now. What a pleasant surprise.

Now I am lying in bed, due to wake up in....... 5.5 hours. Gosh. Tomorrow is the first day of work. Needless to say, I am simply nervous wrecked. Over thinking and imagining all kinds of scenarios, lol...

Having a blocked nose for a few days already. I am nasal enough usually but I cannot stand it now I am horribly doubly nasally. No idea how to unclog my nose.

Had been recording my thoughts in twitter. It's just much easier. But my problem is that I have so much to say and 140 characters isn't enough AT ALL.

All I can say about how I feel now is that I am extremely grateful and happy with how things are coming along for me. Thankful for the job opportunity which seems awesome so far (we shall see how my first day goes tomorrow). I mean.... It's my first time working in a MNC.. The benefits are good (hell, a car once i get my license, a blackberry for work...), culture seems good and I am really looking forward to learning and challenging myself, as cliche as it sounds.

Very thankful for my family and CC too.
CC especially, forever supportive and motivating when i was about to go crazy. though I had to put up with countless ribbings from him about me being a "white collar worker". Lol.. Loooooong way to go man! What an asshole. Aside from that I just can't gush enough about him. He's not THAT perfect... And not THAT sweet... But I still feel so much love for this man that no matter what he do it just makes me feel that he's so cute and lovely. Tsk I'm really in deep. All I can hope for is that the feeling's somewhat mutual or else I'm so dying from a heartbreak next time. But so far so good la. Lovely CC. Can't wait to see him.

The purpose of me typing this is actually hoping that I'll be sleepy soon and I can hurry sleep. Because time is running out!! I'll be so exhausted tomorrow gosh! So nervous!

For the minority for are actually still reading my blog, (and actually read the whole bloody entry,) my office will be near suntec. around the area can call me for lunch. Hahahaha ok bye.

2012-10-10T19:04:00.001+08:00

"The message had three parts, and if I had to translate them into earthly language, I'd say they ran something like this:

"You are loved and cherished, dearly, forever."

"You have nothing to fear."

"There is nothing you can do wrong." "

Words that struck me deep when I read it in the article of a doctor's short experience of the afterlife when he had a brain infection. I am not a particularly devoted Christian, and at this moment I realised that faith cannot be explained nor defined by any spiritual "laws" or ways. It is what it is.

I may be believing in this man's account because after all isn't it better to believe that there is something beautiful and worth going to after life, rather than the alternative of a cold rotting body and where the mind was once bright and limitless, it is reduced to being a void of nothingness.

Just now, I felt a rush of love that filled me when I decided that "yes I do have this faith". It doesn't affect anything I do, the way I live my life and how I feel about anything else. Strange enough, right after I decided that I have faith and felt love filled me, I immediately received a phone call that brought very very positive news for me. As always I do not want to get my hopes high but this time round this seems like it is going in the right direction.

AHHHH. I am so glad.

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Happy 2

2012-08-25T22:44:00.000+08:00

It was our two years anniversary yesterday! Was really looking forward to this day ALL MONTH because we were gonna have a full day dedicated all to ourselves! Away from the full speed everyday routines of our lives!
Usually with his work and my school and whatsnot we only have a day or two to meet a week, so for this day CC took leave! Hahahah that's a miracle because the last time he took leave it was LAST YEAR April for our Thailand trip.

Ahh. Where do I begin. CC with his goodness and annoying quirks... Yes Mr perfect who I always gush about is annoying at times too! He's a worrier and sometimes he withdraws into a state of moodiness which I find it hard to relate to because I'm, well.... The opposite of moodiness! I yak and yak on and on about anything all the time
-_-

Yesterday was lovely! We had lunch at Catalunya.. Thankfully we made reservations because the place was packed during lunchtime! Food had hit and misses but the signature pork was so damn good!!

After that we walked to MBS (madness because of the afternoon sun but we were quite cheerful actually lol). CC got me a nice wallet for our anniversary! Attempted to walk Gardens by the Bay but failed terribly because IT WAS SO FUCKING HOT. But I have to say its the gorgwous!! Would totally make plans to go back there properly soon! Maybe late afternoon or early evening.

Then we went to Wanderlust to check in. Ahh miss this place. Exactly 2 years ago CC and I got together at this place when I was still working for the hotel. Brings back lots of memories and coming here 2 years later is really different but still happy.

Had Thai steamboat for dinner, then went Mustafa, bought Swee choon back for supper and had a great night sleep. Simple but happy anniversary..

Woke up early today for breakfast at Cocotte, went back and sleep awhile more then it was time to check out! (late check out given of course :P) settled for a simple beef Kway teow lunch at Amoy and CC went to work while I went home.

I really enjoyed myself and it's only after I went home and had some quiet time to think about it that I realized..... That I love all of yesterday, the fine dining, the gift, the hotel stay and all... But all these really honestly doesn't really matter if it wasn't with him.

And I feel that I am as happy, and sometimes even happier during our weekly Sundays at home, eating chicken rice and basically just hanging out - me reading a book and him playing his PS3. That kind of feeling, I can't describe. So I'm kinda glad that our relationship is based on this simple.... Togetherness. :)

Aiya we don't know what will happen next time and how we work with different situations and circumstances but I'm just gonna be happy and take a day at a time.

Moozik

2012-08-14T01:23:00.000+08:00

Gah... Don't you hate it when a particular song plays and you CRINGE as memories of a horrible date or a particularly emo period of time comes flooding back to you?

I adore music... I am not a musician but I appreciate most genres of music and I love music that evokes the emotional side of me..

There are some songs that I no longer listen to because the memories and people that are associated with it makes me uncomfortable.. Though there isn't that much that I can remember of anyway. The brain is a powerful, protective thing huh.

But certain "milestones" in my life are marked with certain musicians/songs and now whenever I listen to these people that exact *feeling* of that particular time will come back. I find it so amazing!

April 2010 when I first started work with the hotel was Marina and The Diamonds "family jewels" Album. I bought the cd a few days before I started work and the constant replays during that point of time resulted in me now being flooded by my working memories whenever any of the songs are played.

When I first met/got together with CC, the particular song I had on repeat was "Our Hell" by my super favourite musician Emily Haines. I am very, very fond of this song. It brings back memories of tenderness, feeling lost, and taking the plunge into something unknown (which was exactly how I felt at that time).

Before that, I had almost half a year of depressing "dark holes" period where I moped around feeling hopeless and lost tons of weight (which was quite shiok).. Songs included Metric "The Gates" and Emily Haines "Crowd surf off the cliffs".. Seriously depressing stuffs. I don't want to get back to there again.. But now listening to these songs isn't as bad as expected because I'm much more happier now haha.

Everybody's choice of music is very personal and that's what I love about music, it's out there for everyone but yet to each person, it's a different set of memories, different set of emotions attached to it. Love my me time with my iPod.

We must have done something right in our previous lives

2012-08-09T16:19:00.001+08:00

iPhone camera sucks! Metric rocks!

2012-08-04T20:58:00.000+08:00

I have finally seen my favourite Canadian band live! Finally!!
I know I have been gushing for the longest time on ALL my social media platforms.. But I am really happy to have seen them! Front row seats and i was so close to them!!!

Emily Haines was much better than expected singing live, and the tweaks they made to the songs for the concert just sounded perfect.. The guitarist, bassist and drummers(Jimmy, Joshua & Joules) were so great at their parts too.. Encore was awesome and everything just went so well.

Now my next wishes is to be able to catch them again the next time they are anywhere near me. I'm such a fan girl!! *swoons*

Hmmm

2012-07-29T02:54:00.000+08:00

In a pensive mood (hello it's 2.30am) and my mind refuses to quiet down and let me sleep..

I don't know what is bothering me. Is it strange if I say that the lack of things bothering me IS bothering me?

Ironic because I kinda sum myself up as someone who seeks only pleasure pleasure pleasure in life. I live for happy moments and endless pleasure for myself so a worry free me should not be, well, worrying me.

These moods usually surface only when I'm PMS-ing. Wait. Lemme count.

Oh. I'm about 12 days away from the next period so technically (and based on experience) this could actually be PMS. Damn... I thought I was in a pensive and contemplative mood!

But.. I don't know.. Things are going great so far.. And I'm loving everything. I'm pretty sure things will go great in the near future as far as I can see..

Maybe the nomad in me wants to be elsewhere right now. I want to be out there somewhere else.. Be it alone or with my love.. Just anywhere new, different, anywhere. I hate and love routines all at once and right now I wish there is a new stage to look forward to in my life. I hate to be unsure.

Life sucks because when you're always happy you forget how it's like to be sad and lost and crying in the dark and desperately wishing that you're even a tiny bit happy instead of miserable all the time. Being human fucking sucks. I never want my life now wrecked. So what is it now? I think the only way for me is to be even happier. Haha.

But of course that doesn't mean I don't feel anything. I'm so happy! I love being me, I love opportunities given to me (pls pls pls pls pls call me back arghh the wait is killing me), I love being loved and being in a committed relationship with CC. It takes no effort at all. Nothing is perfect nobody is perfect but moments always seems so perfect when you're happier and accepting of people around you with an open heart.

I might be so cheesy now but I feel that I was given a clean slate to start over the moment I met him and nothing else matters, nothing in the past, only the uncertainty of the future.

I love my family dearly because I truly believe they are the only people in the world who will die for me.

Two nights ago I dreamt that my dad died and I woke up gasping with unshod tears..

Cc is not a perfect person but he is oh so lovely most of the time. Of coz there are things he does that annoys me from time to time but I am allowed to show my annoyance and he never gets er, annoyed by me being annoyed. Haha. Yea there are people who actually gets upset over little petty things and my CC is not one of them. I love unpetty people! Pretty sure I made the word "unpetty" up but auto correct did not correct me so... It exists? Lazy to google.

I love my mom when she speaks in her weird super funny and cute logic.. I love my dad when he is obliging and humorous.. I love my sis in all her affectionate and annoying ways... I love CC with his generosity and all decency. Decency is such an underrated trait. You can't cultivate it and you can't force it upon yourself. You just are or not decent. I love CC especially when he talks to animals and when we send each other cute pictures we found online. I love him because only I can see who he really is behind the quiet demeanor he displays in public.

Oh I can go on and on.........

What happened to being pensive?!

2012-07-14T00:25:00.001+08:00

"对人要仁，对亲要情，对爱要忠，对长要孝，对友要义，对已要心, 对敌要忍，对事要清"

On a side note, I HAVE GAINED WEIGHT!!! At first I attributed it to PMS water retention... But my period came and I'm still as bloated as ever. Not only that, it was evident that I look plumper. Why, oh, why. This depresses me so much. I might not seem like it but I am really hung up over my body weight. For a period of time I was maintaining a weight that I was fine with... And didn't expect this to happen. So upset. I don't want to be fat like my fattest 1 year plus ago again. I hate to diet... Have to get back to exercising and establishing a healthier lifestyle. God, Bo pi Bo pi!!!!

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2012-07-05T00:04:00.000+08:00

Why must we make our own lives so complicated?

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What

2012-06-26T19:54:00.000+08:00

I don't know why there is this growing sense of discontentment in me. I'm still young, 21, so obviously there is a whole lot of things that I want to do and enrich my life. I just hate waiting for it.. So impatient. I hate this lull, I want to get out there.. So many things. I want to realize my full potential.. Be who I am able to be.. Sometimes I feel that my moral compass is wonky. Life is more than keeping by the lines and walking down a straight road with a clear end ain't it?
So much more...

Sent from my iPhone

2012-06-22T04:55:00.001+08:00

You know what... I give up on having friends. Acquaintances, dinner dates, occasional meetups, yes. But a real friend? I don't know where to find this person anymore. Thought about it, came to conclude that a true friend is someone who is willing to be a "friend" without expecting anything in return. Is there anyone who love me enough as a friend to do that for me? Not even my bf I think. Everything has to be "maintained". To and fro, to and fro. You treat me good i treat you good. You console me last time, i console you this time.

People my age goes by appearances that I am too tired to keep up with. Thats why i have ceased going out and socialising. I have suddenly became a part time miser (how sad) because I find myself calculating the cost price of an overpriced breakfast meal and yet think nothing of buying some lame crap to satisfy my cravings. Trends of endless brunch meals all day breakfasts and hunts "for the best egg benedicts" are all the rage now. Seriously?!
I'm no chef and CC is no Masterchef but the last time (and only time) he made egg Benedicts it took about literally 30 seconds.

Oh well. I can only say I tried my best. If i cant be this unconditional loving friend to someone else, i shouldnt expect that from anyone else right? With all the limited time and money I have, i really did tried my best. So many things happened couple years back and all I'm left with are things that I don't tell people. Thankfully I didn't in the first place. Does that mean even my subconscious knows that nobody is worth confiding into? Sometimes we can't help but care for people whom we care for. But that's all we can do- care and pray and hope things turns out ok for them.

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2012-06-19T04:00:00.001+08:00

Moms

2012-06-13T00:32:00.001+08:00

Whenever I feel particularly frustrated at my mom, I'll try to think of things she do for us selflessly and appreciate it. Little things like:

1) everybody had their own personal cups/mugs at home to drink water from right? We have 4 cups at the water area which we'll drink from all day and every single morning there is no cups there. Cups will be found beside the sink, because my mom washes them every single morning. That means clean cups for every day, for every one in the family! It's easy to just take your cup from the sink every morning without thinking but I must remember that my mom took an effort to wash them every single morning!

2) mom spends her day antagonizing over what to cook for dinner. How nice the food is really shows how much effort someone puts into cooking. She buys the groceries, preps all the stuffs all alone. Sometimes she transfer fish/meat out from the freezer to the chiller early in the morning because it needs to thaw and just in time for late afternoon when she cooks. I think my mom is a great cook because she always makes sure we have variety in our dinner and she ALWAYS cooks too much dishes because she's always stress that it's not enough. It's not that hard to go home for dinner daily when your mom cooks awesome homecooked food.

3) her daily morning routine is, without fail:

wake up 8-9, drink coffee eat breakfast read newspaper, makes coffee+bread for my dad (my dad has been eating the same thing for breakfast for the past 20+ years), vacuum floor + mop, wash clothes. I do help la, sometimes do the vacuum mop thing, and most of the ironing is done by me.
But to do housework everyday before your rest of the day starts seems so tiring! So cannot take for granted. Somemore my mom so petite and skinny -_-

4).... I can't think much now.. But first 3 is enough for me to appreciate my mom. Plus when I was borderline frustrated with her earlier on, I could feel her pulling back a little bit and attempted to explain her opinion in a nicer way and was being supportive because she knew if she sounded a tad more pushy I would had been angry. So I really appreciate that!

Thats all.

It's bloody fucking warm and I've got hives on my arms wtf. Sweating in my air conditioned room as well urghhhhhhh. On a separate note CC is as wonderful as ever. I've got a sudden overwhelming rush of affection for him lol. Not that I don't have affection for him usually la, just that sometimes it comes in a wave when I'm not with him and I'm thinking of him. So glad I met him. <3

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2012-06-12T18:01:00.000+08:00

不要紧不要紧，我可以的我可以的！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

THINGS TO CHECK OFF MY LIST

2012-06-01T02:03:00.000+08:00

GO HARRY POTTER EXHIBITION BUY METRIC CONCERT TICKETS LOST 3-5 KG CURB SPENDING SETTLE JOB FOR NEXT 3 MONTHS

Oh oh

2012-05-31T02:15:00.001+08:00

I wanted to also say that I'm so pleased I found my perfect makeup routine. Not that anyone cares but I'm writing it down here in case I forget..

I got part of the makeup steps online, forgot where, but I love how it turned out!

After applying my skin care, I usually start with a
Uv skin correcting base,
then Concealer-
Liquid foundation-
Loose powder..
Zzz so mafan right. When I'm not working it's usually just skincare + bb cream and Loose powder that's all.

My skin is far from perfect.. Lots of unevenness and very prone to breakouts. Sigh.

Anyway. The makeup routine is so easy. But I like that I look natural and refreshed.

Draw Eyebrow
White eyeshadow for first half of lids
Brown/taupe-ish for second half and slightly extend
Black eyeliner
A bit of White eyeshadow for first half of lower Lashline
A bit of Brown/taupe-ish eyeshadow for second half of lower lash line
Mascara base
Mascara
Coral lipstick
Blusher

Done!

Pretty common routine but the trick is the white eyeshadow used. I've always shunned white eyeshadow because I thought it looks kinda tacky but putting it on only half of the eyelid seems to does the trick.

Happy!

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Random updates

2012-05-31T01:03:00.001+08:00

Okay the past week was pretty fab!

I went back to Indo with dearest cousin Lili last Friday to see my new baby niece and she. is. so. adorable.

Spent lots of time with naughty but too damn cute Kaynice and ate lots of food. I love Indo food!!!

Came back, settled into work routine, and finally I met CC last night after 10 days of not seeing each other. I really missed him! Can't wait for Saturday when we can at least have half a day together.

Just now I went for a buffet dinner with Michella and Desmond. Such fun. Stuffed myself and talked lots of crap.. I miss my classmates! We really talked non stop for 4.5 hours lol. About Running man... Weird potential tenants.. Sammyboy.. Lol.

Tomorrow I'm going for my IPL appointment and meeting CC during his break and then Friday I'm working.

This week is pretty great so far. I must learn to cherish what I have and be thankful. That's all!

2012-05-18T21:51:00.001+08:00

To people whom I've established close contact, became confidantes, yet grew apart and slowly became strangers again, should I apologize? I think I should.

Sad to say, that is a cycle of life. There are parts of my life where memories are bitter and going through it was anguishing. I thank God for the people who accompanied me through it. I made some wrong judgement during these times too and sought solace from where I should not. This is the only way to undo anything.

Of course, I'm being my usual dramatic self, but for what it's worth, Sorry.

PHOTO SPAM.

2012-05-18T03:24:00.000+08:00

TOO LONG POST. DON'T READ. LIKE A BORING NOVEL.

2012-05-18T02:21:00.001+08:00

Urgh now is a weird moment because I'm not exactly feeling awful BUT I don't feel good either. i feel... resentful.

Women are from venus, men are from freaking depths of the freaking universe! Ahhhh but all the same we love them don't we? Being with your lover is always different from say, your best girlfriend. (not that your gf is unimportant, it's just two completely different categories of relationship)
I guess its just that this very moment I need some tlc but the bf is asleep now. I don't really feel sad? It just happens that right now I need and he cannot give? Hence the slight resentment.

My inner psychologist is speaking to me now and I feel better after a superfast conversation in my head that forces me to be logical and not escalate into another pms-fueled crying fit.
It went like this: "why do i feel like crying AGAIN? I thought my pms is supposed to stop after I have my period? Is it because the current issue is not pms-related-oversensitivity and it is a REAL issue? omg. why do I feel like this?"
then my inner psychologist says "rmb about the women are from venus, men are from mars thing. guys sucks coz they don't whine about how tired they are, and when they don't whine, you kinda don't feel it? yet when they whine you feel that they are... whiny. so...... just don't take it personally. they are tired!"
and you know what I really feel much better after talking to.... myself. lolol.

CC is the type that falls asleep in 3 seconds I kid you not. I wish I m like him. Instead I am tired but I insist in finding something to do in my phone. watch a film, read a book, I just refuse to sleep (like now). & I do know that he really is tired because hell, he works 12 hours a day. plus he falls asleep real fast. By the time I am done sorting out my thoughts in my head and making myself comfortable to fall asleep, he is usually fast asleep.

Aiya basically I miss him now la. Guys are such thickheads. Girls sucks too. Feel annoyed when your bf doesn't sweet talk as much as you like, yet feel thankful that your bf is not the sweet talking type. Seriously ah, I had it with the sweet talkers.So thank God. And being the gf of a chef, or should I say being a chef's widow, I had it coming. But knowing what to expect is different when you are really upset and need someone pronto by your side! But fortunately I enjoy my alone time most of the time. I like shopping alone, I like wandering in town on weekdays alone, I like watching movies alone. That makes me stronger er, spiritually and I get to observe loads of stuffs that I can't when I am distracted by someone with me. & that makes me more appreciative of the times I have with him because when you are not alone your perspectives changes too. When we are together we never run out of things to say and I am so happy that I can even gossip to him when I am bitching about someone lol... It's just different for everyone I guess. I don't complain about his work timings because like I said, I knew what I was getting into. & I know the worst feeling in the world is the feeling of having to choose between your different obligations. Like your work or your gf. why should you choose? When all is good, both co exists. Both you love. unless it goes out of hand and you severely neglect your gf then obviously you better hope she is okay with it. But who is to judge in different styles of relationships as long as both parties are fine with it?

Which is why I hate it if I am forced into a situation where I have to choose like this. & thankfully very rarely. unless you count choosing between my family or bf on sundays. zz that is a very sad one but I chose CC because he only get one off day a week.

And the bad thing about being alone most of the time is that your imagination goes WILDDDDDDDDD. not in the way that I don't trust him and imagine him smooching some other girls, but in the way that if I am feeling awful, it becomes it worse because I am alone and there is no one to soothe me.

I always feel awful and think of the worst scenarios but the moment I meet CC (and unless he is in one of his rare, moody mood), I just feel so astonished that how could I be feeling so miserable when there is perfectly nothing wrong with him, with us. He is just such a gentle, crazy, little boy, towering over me 25 cm taller. I just hate it when he is so uncommunicative but I really got to remember that their thinking is seriously far less complex than a girl's thoughts. We have a MILLION things running through our head at a single moment but I think to guys in general, to CC, it probably (and maybe very accurately) goes like this : "Hungy. Work stuff. Sex. Hungry. Michelle. Work Stuff. Food food food food. Sex sex sex. work work work. Tired wanna sleep sleep now......" SERIOUSLY. I think that's really what he thinks. Just being a normal guy and in a way I am thankful for that. Sometimes I wish for a more sensitive male specimen, yet I am much more often THANKFUL that he is not sensitive. I mean... it works both ways? if he is a more in-tuned and sensitive guy, then he is also a more sensitive person as a whole and you would have to take care of his heightened emotional needs as well. A typical guy is not typical at all. He is someone you can joke at, joke with, poke fun at, laugh, play, be rough and he doesn't get offended because he will jab back at you, make lame sex jokes all the time and do typical guy things like fall asleep in 3 seconds. lol.

& about the food thing. He seriously has a crazy passion for food. I don't know. I think he might actually make it big someday. I have always known and I am fine with the fact that if he have to choose between his passion and me, he would choose his passion. Unless he has to save my life la. hahahaha omg I just remember that I love asking him lame, fucked up questions like:

"if you have to choose between me, and your passion, who would you choose?"
him, dramatically "nobody can get in the way of me and my passion!"

"ok, if I am dying, and the only way to save me is to burn down your whole artelier of your precious books (including the $700 monstrosity of a book he bought), what would you do?"
"burn my books lor" (cue my delighted laughted because obviously I ask such questions to listen to answers I wanna hear lol)

"ok then what if you have to choose between me getting a cut on my arm or burn your books?"
"wah.. you know how much is all those books?"
"SO you would rather I bleed?! fuck you!"
hahaha it was so funny.. and i love genuine answers. if he says he would rather burn down all his books than have me get a cut.... I don't know how would I feel. I would rather get a cut than have him burn his books. he dont even need to ask me. so does that means I love him more? I don't think it works this way in real life. its just being practical and realistic.

You see, the only way to not be upset is to think of happy things and appreciate what you have.

Now that I feel better I would like to say that I had a wonderful wonderful weekend last week, though it ended with a crazy insane Sunday night of PMS crying fest. It was HORRIBLE. but lets not talk about that.
I had a mini pizza surprise party for CC at jx house and it was really lovely! He was surprised and the cake was really nice. I just want him to be happy because when he is happy I am happy.. I haven't got him anything yet because I can't make up my mind. sigh. I hate how I am always stressed regarding matters like this.
Anyway after the pizza party the next day I went to RWS to stay with my family and we went to USS the next day and it was such an enjoyable time! The feeling of being with your beloved family and having fun. One word I can use to describe how being with my parents is like is.. "indulgent":.

in·dul·gent/inˈdəljənt/

Adjective:

Having or indicating a readiness or overreadiness to be generous to or lenient with someone: "indulgent parents".

I really feel this way. they don't spoil me with expensive gifts or luxury lifestyle but when we are out they are always "wanna eat what, just order..".. "go play, we wait here for you both", and they never get annoyed at me for being me because they are so used to me. ... it was just a stress free, funny, happy day for me and I am so glad that it happened. My mom took the most touristy pictures and she's the only person in our family who bought those USS memorabilia lol.

I love my family and I love my bf. Life with both are different and they love me differently too. But till I get married, I would say that my family still loves me the most in this world. Expectations, yes, but the unconditional love that comes with it are worth trying to live up to expectations.

Why do I say till I get married? because if I really do get married, the only thing I want to be sure of is not riches, big houses, cars and bags that I will get, but the same unconditional love from my husband. love me like how my family love me.

Actually I didnt intend for this wall of text but at the emotional state that I am at, this is a form of therapy for me. I have so much more to say and I don;t know where to start.