All that glisters is not gold.

Hi, my name is crazy

2012-01-17T01:47:00.001+08:00

Urgh I'm officially mad! PMS took over my life today. I went from cheerful - tired - sad - happy - wanna cry- crying - cheerful and now sleepy and CRAZY.

I had no idea what is my problem man. Just now when I ended work, CC texted me that he's on his way back and next stop is Raffles place and the only thoughts that immediately ran through my mind was "Why does he sound so cold?" and I scrolled through our conversation to deduce if he's "cold" or not. Then.. "why he never say he wanna come meet me and accompany me partially on my journey home??".. Then. "omg why I'm so upset now???".. And basically I had a hysterical silent monologue in my head.

Yes I'm crazy. So I was ALL MISERABLE on the journey home and met this pervertic old man who kept leering at me and I felt so sorry for myself wtf. I know.

Then came home, stuffed myself with fish maw soup + nuggets + ngoh hiang and I felt remotely better.

CC called and we actually had a normal conversation and he sounded so earnest and cute and I'm crazy because I was super upset at him just an hour ago.

Ok actually there's lots more I wanna talk about but I'm so sleepy now I can't take it bye.

Angst

2012-01-09T01:26:00.001+08:00

Incoherent thoughts ramblings ahead:

Every single person is asking me how do I plan to celebrate my 21st and seriously right now I can't be fucked man. Wanna get friends to eat at my house and CC will cook but my mom kp coz she don't like the idea of our house getting dirty (the parents will be overseas at that time.) sigh wtf. Not like I'm having a party or what, just a dinner la but my mom is OCD. Aiya anything la. Actually i wanted a BBQ but that is out. Planned for a bbq during 15th jan as an early celebration because the following Sunday 22nd is reunion dinner day and 29th is my bday already. It'll be 7th day of cny + a weekend so dunno ppl will be out visiting not. But anyway 15th won't work now because it's like 6 more days and how am I supposed to organize anything in a week.
Gonna be working the day before my bday and 6 days straight after my birthday, one day break, then another 6 days straight of work. Thinking of that makes me tired.
Urghhh so turned off!
Appreciate my family's good intentions la coz they keep asking me what I plan to do and mom actually suggested to book a hotel room (but that won't work because of various reasons I'm lazy to explain) but I'm just very sian. Didnt wanna make a fuss of my 21st because honestly I don't really care for birthdays.. but then again don't wanna let it pass like another ordinary day (like my previous bdays) because after all I'm turning 21 only once! Wtf I'm so contradicting.
I just want to have my close friends to gather and come eat with me and my boyfriend cooks for everyone. Ok la need to go talk to my mom about this again.

Anyway a couple of friends was asking what I'll like to have for my 21st. Honestly speaking I just want people I'm comfy with to have a meal with me and I'm thankful for these people's presence in my life. I really really can't think of anything i want but if you really wanna get me something, I wouldn't mind vouchers (LOL). or Aiya anything that you'll think I like man. As long as it's from the heart :p
even a handmade card will suffice seriously.

Come to think about it if not for my parents there won't be me, not like I have a choice in being born, but I shouldn't miss the big picture by antagonizing about my birthday. So here's a reminder to myself to be thankful to my mom and dad for giving birth to me and raising me to be all healthy and relatively normal and well adjusted. Should be having a day for dinner with just my family and I + a cake to sing happy birthday for because every single year even when I don't have a party or celebration, my parents will still buy me a cake. so.. Okay. Everything see how la.

//rants over

Hello Hello

2012-01-04T00:14:00.001+08:00

Wow.. it is REALLY 2012 already. I passed the festive seasons pretty uneventfully. No partying, not much alcohol, no hungovers of course, lol. Spent some quality time with the bf and pretty much lazed around because I haven't had a chance to laze around much before this!

Nonetheless, held some expectations for 2012, wishing that everything will go smoothly for me and my loved ones, no annoying horrible surprises from life, and hoping for me to have focus and determination to do what I need to do!

I don't really make resolutions but there are a few things I want to achieve within this new year:

- Be kind and considerate towards the society and people around me.

- Lose a bit more weight (please just 2-3 more kg to go) and maintain it.

-Get my ass back to Alliance Francaise and continue with my lessons.

- Save and not spend on unnecessary crap that I always end up buying.

-Be more hardworking and less procrastinations when there are things to be done!

-Sleep earlier/more.

Okay. That's about it. Pictures spam below! :)

Tedious Thursday

2011-12-22T16:48:00.000+08:00

Omggggg I'm so tired. Sitting in my study room and stoning now.

Yesterday I spent the whole day cleaning my room and threw out like literally 8 big bags of stuffs. Mom had suddenly decided to spring clean wtf.
I dislike it when she rushes to do all these and get super obsessive compulsive and cranky. I mean, set reasonable targets la. Spread it over 3 days and we'll (aka me) all help what. She managed to clear the ENTIRE STUDY room it was crazy. Entire table top of things were g o n e. Windows for the whole of lower level were scrubbed and curtains were stripped. Then she rushed to make dinner and kept saying no time -_-

Today I woke up at 11+ and my mom was in a vicious mood cleaning the upper level spare room windows so I set work to clean mine. Gah took me 3 hours + to clean the grilles + windows + upper flaps. My back + arm was breaking!
Finally done and i just showered, gulped down some dumplings soup (which was super nice) and now I'm slumped at my study chair.. Am I whining too much?! I am doing these willingly la. My mom is doing 5 X more work than me and she's thinner and has lesser strength I think. Haha. But I'm just not used to doing this la. Its so tiring. Oh plus my period came last night wtf.

Am even amazed that I'm at my study room now, book in front of me. I think I need a nap bye. Random pictures below.

Craving for...

2011-12-15T00:21:00.001+08:00

- a Steak
-Scrambled eggs (yes I still crave for it. Wanted to make today at home but we ran out of eggs at home.)
-Japanese food
-Dim Sum
-STEAK I REALLY WANT STEAK
-Salted fish fried rice add egg
-Crispy koloyok 古老肉 cai fan from
Bishan
-Steak steak steak beef steak

If I can afford to spend right now I'll totally go out immediately tmr to satisfy any of these cravings that has been going on for ages.. but I can't. I need to study too. Cravings will remain cravings for now.

2011-12-14T15:23:00.000+08:00

Ok so I'm not so depressed anymore. I was moping around and really being batshit crazy for the past couple weeks? Wtf dunno what got into me! Too many depressing things happening around me and I got affected really badly. But I should have faith in myself. And in CC too. Hehe. So all of a sudden on Sunday night I just suddenly snapped out of it. I'm fine now!

Plus finally satisfied my salted caramel ice cream cravings. We patronized it since it just opened when there were like only 2 other people eating ice cream there.. Till now the business is booming and there is always a queue and they added tons of tables inside + outside too. The owners must be so happy. Think they broke even already. Machine is ex but they increased prices to $3 per scoop and usually people get the double scoops which is $5. 1000% profits anyone? F&B busines is super profitable if you have the crowd and the right suppliers OR the niche market where you charge exhorbitant prices and uses more expensive supplies etc.

See I'm rambling again. I must be back to normal. Oh and I had major cravings for scrambled eggs and CC asked me to get some eggs on the way when I met him on Sunday. So I was really pleased he remembered. But dunno by reflex or sheer one-ear-in-another-ear-out, he ended up making a half scrambled omelette. -_- Which I still love. Because I love eggs and there's iberico ham too.

Sent from my iPhone

Florence and the Machine - Never Let Me Go

2011-12-12T02:09:00.001+08:00

Looking up from underneath
Fractured moonlight on the sea
Reflections still look the same to me
As before I went under

And it's peaceful in the deep
Cathedral where you cannot breathe
No need to pray no need to speak
Now I am under all

And it's breaking over me
A thousand miles down to the sea bed
Found the place to rest my head
Never let me go
Never let me go

And the arms of the ocean are carrying me
And all this devotion was rushing out of me
In the crushes of heaven for a sinner like me
But the arms of the ocean delivered me

Though the pressures hard to take
It's the only way I can escape
It seems a heavy choice to make
And now I am under all

And it's breaking over me
A thousand miles down to the sea bed
Found the place to rest my head
Never let me go
Never let me go

And the arms of the ocean are carrying me
And all this devotion was rushing out of me
In the crushes of heaven for a sinner like me
But the arms of the ocean delivered me

And it's over
And I'm going under
But I'm not giving up
I'm just giving in

I'm slipping underneath
So cold and so sweet

And the arms of the ocean are carrying me
So sweet and so cold
And all this devotion I never knew at all
In the crushes of heaven for a sinner released
But the arms of the ocean delivered me
Never let me go
Never let me go
Deliver me
Never let me go
Never let me go
Deliver me
Never let me go
Never let me go
Deliver me
Never let me go
Never let me go

And it's over
And I'm going under
But I'm not giving up
I'm just giving in

I'm slipping underneath
So cold and so sweet

2011-12-10T23:18:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired it's not funny. Nursing a headache and still on the way home.

Work is.... Draining. I hate guessing what others is thinking. I hate second guessing myself too. Past few days was just me being all PMS-y when I'm not supposed to be. Meeting CC tmr. Hopefully that helps loads.

It's only when people outside are horrible to you (or basically don't give a hoot about you) , that you realize what a big contrast that makes to say, your family and bf. Like, they actually care for me! Wow. I get food and love when I'm with them. With outsiders all I get is indifference and fake niceties. Fuck man I think I also should no longer eng-xiu some people also la. Zzz.

Dad texted me to tell me about the eclipse and that he only saw it blurred but not turn red. I alighted from the bus and stared at the moon for awhile before walking to the train station to continue my journey home. Maybe eclipses makes people unhappy? I'm
seriously feeling unhappy. Tmr will be better I think.

Bye, with some Astrud Gilberto. Funny World.

"Funny, how loves can be
Funny, how you wanted me
I dreamed of holding you
Funny, how my dream came true
Funny thing, I should choose you
Otherwise I would lose you

Funny, how dreams can die
when someone tells you goodbye
Funny, that I could cry"

2011-12-08T01:44:00.000+08:00

Just tweeted,

"Emo outbursts just. Doing some serious thinking. How can you tell if someone loves you or not? Or is everything in life just one big gamble?"

Sent from my iPhone

2011-12-03T23:43:00.001+08:00

"If you love someone, you believe she is the best person in the world. She doesn’t see herself like that, and that’s the only thing he wants to show her. That’s love. He wants her to love herself the same way he loves her. " -Robert Pattinson

PHOTO SPAM

2011-12-03T00:58:00.000+08:00

Spamming photos, some from months ago.

Happy Birthday Tiernan

2011-11-28T12:42:00.000+08:00

When upset, window shop and make collages.

2011-11-22T01:20:00.001+08:00

Musings. Of a pms-ing mind.

2011-11-18T20:10:00.001+08:00

There's not enough space in twitter for me to rant so I'll blog instead. In point form. About totally random stuffs.

- last week I complained to bf about being tired from studying + working at same time and he told me to suck it up (in a nice way). LOL. that made me felt better actually. because we'll reap what we sow and nobody owes us anything except for ourselves. We owe ourselves a good life that we must work hard for. I'm learning more and more everyday. About the value of money. About managing my time, studies...

- Pms-ing like crazy now. I cried yesterday night and watched 2 episodes of Pan-Am and 1 episode of gossip girl and went to sleep and was better when I woke up.

- Met bf during his break just now. He's so cute in his uniform. I just love seeing him because he's very cute and I don't have to look out for cars when I'm crossing the road because he'll look out for me, I don't have to look for the drinks auntie because he'll ask me what I'll have, I feel happy and safe with him. Plus he buys 8 days for me every single week without fail. And he has nice hands.

-But even with all these reasons above I still can't explain why I love. If you take any of it away I still do. Except that when the person you love is nice to you, it makes it easier to love. And love grows. If he's a jerk, it makes it easier to leave him but you can't take away the love until its gone. So don't ask someone "why do you love your bf/gf/husband/wife". If they do give you reasons it might not be love. But even if it's not love but they are happy with what each has to offer, who are we to judge.
And don't ask "why are you still with him when he's such an asshole?".
Love is such a blind silly thing.
Oh and I'm no expert in love. I'm "only 20". Maybe all of this turns out to be shit and I become all crazy and die of loneliness next time.

- imho, I think relationships fail when 2 no longer has a common dream. Or no longer sees each other's vision. For now Cc and I have dreams. Chatted over Bak chor mee just now and we fantasized about our own shophouse where he has his restaurant downstairs and with a beautiful living space upstairs. Totally something I want! It might not happen next time but it's good to dream and at that very moment, what we shared was special.

- I miss my grandmother. I'm scared I'll forget her next time. It's been 5 years. I wish she can see my cousin's daughter (her first great grandchild). She'll be so happy. She's the best grandma one could have and I really really mean it. I hope I'll see her in heaven or something. Or have her be my ah ma again.

- watching the 7pm kampong drama show and suddenly realized that the guy acting the tiny part of the policeman in today's episode is also the guy who played "Ah Tan" in the movie 2359. He's Malaysian.

- yesterday I went to watch the movie "Drive" with Kate and Eileen. It was SO GOOD. some people might find the pace slow but I really really liked it. Great cinematography, retro-ish music that I love that sounds like a mixture of Stars + The XX. I didn't expect Carey Mulligan to be able to pull off being a mom. But she did it. Her character was a young mom anyway so it was alright. Ryan Gosling was cute in a erm, retarded way. He smiles a lot and speaks little but it was cute all the same. You should go watch it! Oh, it's m18 because of some violence + gore. Like, there's this scene where this girl Blanche got her head blown off and you can see all the blood and stuffs.

- My sis is turning 18 end of this month. I don't know what to get her. :/ I AM TURNING 21 IN JANUARY Wahahaha. No plans though. I don't really do birthdays save for a meal with the family. That's fine by me actually.

Ok I think I'm done ranting. Gonna go watch tv. Bye.

"C'est lui pour moi, moi pour lui dans la vie"

2011-11-18T15:17:00.001+08:00

My favourite line in the whole lyrics.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY & YES HE'S BACK

2011-11-11T01:15:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MUMMY. I love you very much. I wish for you to be healthy and lovely always!

also,
YES CC'S back. It's like nothing have changed. Fetched him from the airport and it was so good to see him. Met him for the next few days and I got lots of CC goodness! He came to fetch me from school yesterday and he came to eat with me during my work break today. Precious time spent because guess what...... He's starting work NEXT MONDAY. hahaha.

Everything's just good now :)

Love you mummy :)

2011-11-09T09:51:00.001+08:00

Food diary 3/11/11

2011-11-04T00:39:00.001+08:00

9.30 am: Hotdog bun (bread + hot dog + egg omelette)

11.30 am: hot coffee

11.45 am: 3/4 pack of strawberry pocky

Lots of water

3.45pm: Roasted duck + roast meat rice with lots of gravy

3.45pm: Teh o Peng

1 bottle of mineral water

7 pm: 2 small yam muah chee (the Taiwan snacking kind)

11 pm: Hot dog bun again (one set leftover. Heated the hotdog and added cheese to bread and omelette :X)

Lots of water

11.30pm: 5 pieces of potato chips.

Remarks: Disappointed in myself! Shouldn't have added roast meat to my duck rice even though I have to admit it was DELICIOUS. Shouldn't have gave in to the hot dog bun when I came home too.. but it'll be such a waste to throw it away because it's delicious too and I'M HUNGRY.

2011-11-03T10:40:00.001+08:00

Today's songs that played in my iPod is awful. It's all the songs I picked and put in of course, songs that I like. but the iPod picked these songs that are... Depressing. I don't know why most of the songs from past traumatizing periods came out. Hate being reminded of negativity and things that happened before, people that were out of my life forever. Though I guess once a while it's good to have a reality check. Denial only worsen and if there are problems, it'll only manifest.

1) Nothing and Nowhere - Emily Haines
(this one kills me)

2) 心雨 - 周杰倫

3) Is this the end - Zee Avi

4) The Gates - Metric

5) Couldn't care less - The Cardigans

6) Someone like you - Adele

7) And then you kissed me - The Cardigans

8) Quiet - Rachael Yamagata

9) Crowd surf Off the cliff - Emily Haines

It's all awesome, non-noisy songs. Just really depressing to me when all put together.

2011-10-29T01:36:00.001+08:00

Ended my paper today. PHEW.

Bells a ringing

2011-10-26T17:31:00.001+08:00

my beautiful new cousin-in law!

My darling niece. She's so observant and talkative and smart for a 2 year old. I cannot stand it but want to see her every minute of the day. Seriously. It's kids like this that makes me want to have my own PRONTO. I hope my kid next time turns out as adorable man, seriously.

These are my after-work face.

SUPER HECTIC past few weeks.

Gonna mug hard for this 2 days. I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT as long as I focus i focus focus focus focus I'm smart im smart im smart im smart (yeah right but whatever as long as I pass man).

On a side note, I've watched 4 episodes of Pan Am last night. Its not a great series but I love the whole 60s theme. Beautiful clothes ala Mad Men and really great english and french songs from that era. Plus pretty air stewardesses. heh.

Ok gotta go be serious and studious now. My darling's coming back in 10 DAYS. yay.

Blah blah mich

2011-10-20T03:27:00.004+08:00

I truly am the queen of procrastination fml. I don't even want to go into details about what is left undone OMG! *panics*. I did complete a fair bit of my assignments and essay though. It's just that exam's next Monday and I am kinda freaking out because I am leaving tomorrow for my cousin's wedding. Stats's no sweat la, we had pretty strong hints from lecturer (LOL) so I'm fine, its just the thought of me coming back on Sunday and the next day is exam- still kinda scary!

What needs to be done MUST be done. to achieve what I want to achieve.

On a brighter note, my CC will be back in 17 days.. woohoo! awsum possum.

2011-10-18T01:50:00.000+08:00

2011-10-15T23:25:00.001+08:00

Omg! My baby is coming back in 20 days. yay!!!!!!!!!!

The Pierces- We are stars

2011-10-06T21:08:00.001+08:00

We are stars,
Fashioned in the flesh and bone,
We are islands,
Excuses to remain alone,
We are moons,
Throw ourselves around each other,
We are oceans,
Being controlled by the pull of another.

And I just wanna be loved by you,
Yeah I just wanna be loved by you,
I see nothing worse than to sail this universe without you.

When we met,
I was pulling an angel out of a liar,
We forget,
Satisfaction kills our desire,
We are dreamers,
Wishing upon what we were born from,
We made plans,
Kill them ourselves,
And then we mourn them.

And I just wanna be loved by you,
Yeah I just wanna be loved by you,
I see nothing worse than to sail this universe without you.

And I just wanna be loved by you,
Yeah I just wanna be loved by you,
I see nothing worse than to sail this universe without you.
(I just wanna be loved by you)
I see nothing worse than to sail this universe without you.
(I just wanna be loved by you)
I see nothing worse than to sail this universe without you,
Without you.