What if the place where you’re least free became the place where you felt most connected?

That’s the remarkable paradox at the center of a recent New York Times essay by P.G. Sittenfeld, a Princeton-educated former city council member who served 16 months in federal prison — and emerged with a profound lesson about human belonging.

Sittenfeld describes finding deep camaraderie across every social divide imaginable: drug dealers and DEA agents, former mobsters and former preachers, Ivy Leaguers and men from Appalachia — all sitting at the same table, genuinely looking out for one another. The ego-stripping reality of shared circumstances, he writes, was “its own form of liberation.” With status markers gone, men were free to show up as their authentic selves.

Reading this, I saw the three elements of a Connection Culture at work — in the most unlikely of settings.

Vision. The men at Ashland shared a common purpose: get through a hard stretch of life together. That shared context created solidarity. When people feel they’re in something meaningful together, connection follows naturally.

Value. His cellmate always offered half of anything good to eat. His friend Doug beamed with joy at news of Sittenfeld’s release — perhaps happier than Sittenfeld himself. These men felt valued as human beings, not ranked by their credentials or crimes.

Voice. It started in a Bible study circle on his second day, when Sittenfeld broke down and admitted he just wanted to hear his wife’s voice. Rather than ridicule, the group listened, encouraged, and said they were all navigating this together. Real voice. Real listening. Real connection.

The lesson for leaders is simple but demanding: the conditions that foster connection aren’t accidental. They require intentional Vision that unites people around something bigger than themselves, genuine care that makes every person feel Valued, and cultures where every Voice is heard without judgment.

You don’t need razor wire to create proximity. You need purpose, regard, and the courage to truly listen.

Where in your organization are people experiencing that kind of connection — and where are the gaps?

Photo by Daniel Bernard on Unsplash

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A recent article in The New York Times highlights the impactful leadership of Nike CEO Elliott Hill.

What stands out about Elliott is his passion for excellence and his ability to connect with people, reflecting the culture of Texas Christian University, his alma mater. The article points out that under the previous CEO, Nike had become disconnected from its star athletes and leaders in various leagues. Upon returning from retirement at the request of Nike founder Phil Knight, Elliott made it a priority to travel globally to reconnect with these key figures.

The author notes that when Elliott enters a room, he greets everyone, regardless of their status, demonstrating his respect for individuals. This approach fosters human connection, which is crucial for building trust. As Michael Jordan remarked, Elliott Hill embodies what Nike needed, emphasizing his unique ability to establish trust with athletes, partners, and individuals worldwide.

For more insights, check out the full article here.

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One of the scenes that stood out the most at the Milan Cortina Winter Olympics wasn’t during the competition. It was a moment shortly after the last skater’s score was announced in the ladies free skate – the score that determined podium placement for three talented athletes.

American skater Alysa Liu realized she had just won the gold, but one of her first actions was to celebrate the bronze medal won by a 17-year-old first-time Olympian from Japan. Asked about that moment during an interview, she said:

“Human connection is what I’m all about and I love sisterhood. I’m an older sister myself and I carry it on with – I would call her a teammate of sorts. We’re all in this sport together so we share the love.”

Lack of connection and loneliness were contributing factors to the burnout that led Liu to step away from the sport at age 16. Her unprecedented comeback has been fueled in part by investing in relationships that keep her grounded and discovering a higher purpose for skating than simply winning.

Alysa’s story reminds me of some lessons that I learned about burnout earlier in my career. I wrote about Alysa’s story and my own journey for SmartBrief on Leadership. I hope it is a helpful reminder that reconnecting relationally and finding meaning in what we do can help us find the path forward.

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

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“A company is stronger if it is bound by love rather than by fear,” the late Herb Kelleher, co-founder, CEO, and Chairman of Southwest Airlines, once said.

When Kip Tindell, retired co-founder and Chairman of The Container Store, first heard Kelleher’s declaration more than 40 years ago, he was, in his own words, “completely taken by it.” In Uncontainable, Tindell explains how he and his leadership team intentionally built an “employee-first” culture that reflected love—and he credits that culture as a major source of the company’s success.

I still remember the first time I heard the word love used in a corporate setting. I was about to teach a leadership workshop at Lockheed Martin Aerospace when the unit’s leader—retired Vice Admiral of the U.S. Navy Charles W. (“Willie”) Moore Jr.—told the room full of mostly men that they needed to love the people they were responsible for leading. You could have heard a pin drop. Coming from a decorated Navy aviator, the L-word was completely unexpected.

Is it really okay to talk about love at work? Won’t that make HR nervous?

The VIA Institute on Character defines the character strength of love this way: to value close relationships with others, to be warm and genuine toward people, and to give and receive affection. In this sense, love has nothing to do with romance. It’s about genuine care, connection, and commitment.

Moore told a story about his mother who flourished from loving and being loved by the people in the church she attended. He added that many people were not involved in a loving faith community and feel lonely as a result. He explained that with so many lonely people in society many leaders underestimate their importance in the lives of the people they lead. In an era marked by widespread loneliness, work has become one of the few places where people can regularly experience positive human connection.

Beyond addressing loneliness, love makes a measurable difference at work. Think of a boss you’ve had who genuinely cared about you—and one who was indifferent. Which boss were you more likely to give your best effort for? Most people would say the boss who cared.

“People first… Love ‘em up” is a phrase that Alan Mulally said consistently at work for decades—as general manager of the multi-year project to develop the 777 aircraft at Boeing, as CEO of Boeing Commercial Airplanes, and as CEO of Ford Motor Company as he led the turnaround that brought Ford back from the brink of bankruptcy to become one of the most profitable automotive companies in the world. When he retired from Ford in 2014, Mulally was named by Fortune magazine as one of the top three leaders in the world. “People first… love ‘em up” heads the list of expected behaviors that are foundational in Mulally’s Working Together Leadership and Management System.

I’ve had extensive conversations with Mulally as part of research for my next book on Connection Culture and I asked him about using the word love in the work context. He believes that leaders need to genuinely care for those they lead and show them that they matter. He told me he would say to colleagues: “We’re going to create value for all the stakeholders and the greater good by working together. That means that every one of you is really important and we’re really glad that you decided to join us. Even more, we respect you so much. You’re a human being and you are worthy of respect and love. We’re going to treat you that way. … We’re going to include you on everything because we respect you. … We care what you think.” In addition to actively and consistently including people, he talked about leaders thanking people for their involvement, showing they appreciated them, and celebrating them.

Why Love Matters at Work

Love inspires performance and resilience.

Research summarized in Adam Grant’s Give and Take shows that when people see how their work benefits others, performance improves and burnout declines. Leaders who connect people to the human impact of their work bring out higher levels of effort, accuracy, and persistence. In a medical setting, it is easy to see the work being done as an expression of love and care; in a manufacturing setting, it may be emphasizing how your product is improving someone’s life or that the company’s commitment to product safety and quality is an expression of love.

Love pulls people together.

Teams grounded in care and connection are more likely to support one another during adversity rather than splinter under pressure. Unity makes a team more agile and adaptable so that it becomes a performance and competitive advantage when challenges arise.

Love reduces conflict and stress.

When love is present, people assume positive intent, overlook minor offenses, and extend grace. Supportive relationships also reduce chronic stress, a major contributor to burnout and poor health.

Relationship Excellence Enhances Task Excellence

Critics sometimes argue that love makes organizations soft. In reality, the best leaders combine love with high standards. Clear goals, meaningful metrics, and accountability reinforce that excellence and results matter.

What critics miss is that relationship excellence enhances task excellence. When people care about one another and about those they serve, they work harder, collaborate better, and care more deeply about quality. Gallup research consistently shows that the quality of workplace relationships matters more to engagement than the specific work people do.

In the 2nd edition of Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work, we share inspiring stories of how great leaders loved the people they led and achieved extraordinary results, including Admiral Vern Clark (Chief of U.S. Naval Operations, 2000-2005), Frances Hesselbein (CEO of the Girl Scouts of the U.S.A), Lin-Manuel Miranda (who wrote the music, lyrics, and script of the award-winning Broadway musical Hamilton and starred in the titular role), and the media mogul Oprah Winfrey.

Few leaders are willing to use the L-word. But when you hear one who does and who walks the talk, pay attention. You may be witnessing the kind of leadership that builds not only strong cultures but lasting competitive advantage.

Image: A photo I took of my wife and colleague, Katie Stallard, hamming it up with Alan Mulally, retired CEO of Boeing Commercial Airplanes and Ford Motor Company, when we were with Alan and friends touring the Museum of Flight in Seattle.

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If you have ever wanted to learn more about how the power of connection can help you and your team become smarter, happier, more productive and more resilient to cope with stress, then I have good news for you.

Join me for a free, virtual book club event hosted by the Blanchard Community as we discuss tips from my book, Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy and Understanding at Work (2nd edition). 

• Date: November 19, 2025
• Time: 3:00-3:45 pm CST
• Cost: Free

You can find all the details and register here.

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This morning, I had a Zoom meeting with Jeff Moore of Moore Leadership. He was the longtime coach of the University of Texas men’s tennis team. Now Jeff is writing about leadership and he’s teaching and coaching leaders.

I’m impressed with Jeff and his work, and thought I’d share a great article he wrote that I especially enjoyed. It’s about how J. Robert Oppenheimer led the team of scientists and engineers of The Manhattan Project to make the atomic bomb before the Nazi’s did. Here’s the link to Jeff’s article, “Leadership Lessons from Oppie.”

Photo of J. Robert Oppenheimer, Enrico Fermi, and Ernest Lawrence (courtesy the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory) via the U.S. Department of Energy – Office of History and Heritage Resources

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Think about a time when you were working in a team with members who didn’t trust each other.

Lack of trust presents a host of challenges and can ultimately derail the effectiveness of an otherwise talented team.

But, in order to trust people, you first have to connect with them. And in order to connect with them, you have to be open.

It takes courage and vulnerability to connect. The results though are worth it.

I’m looking forward to sharing more about the relationship between connection and trust in an upcoming webinar titled “Shades of Trust: Real Conversations on Connection, Character & Compassion.” The event is free and features a wonderful panel of speakers.

Register today to join me on Thursday, Aug. 28th, from 12:00-1:00 pm Pacific Time.

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I have a film recommendation for you: the beautiful and timely award-winning documentary Defining Moments: The Life and Leadership of Quiet Revolutionary Frances Hesselbein. I attended a screening in New York City in May and it deeply resonated with me. If you are not yet familiar with Frances Hesselbein, I can tell you she was a positive, connection-minded leader and one to emulate.

Leader, advisor, mentor, encourager, and friend to many—from young Girls Scouts in western Pennsylvania, across the US and the world, to cadets and officers in the military and at the United States Military Academy at West Point, to CEOs of major corporations and non-profit organizations, Mrs. Hesselbein lived to the remarkable age of 107, bearing witness to more than a century of history. The documentary thoughtfully portrays her life and leadership philosophy—principles that are precisely what we need in today’s government, businesses, and social sector organizations.

The film opens with Mrs. Hesselbein reflecting: “In our country and in many parts of the world, we have the lowest level of trust and the highest level of cynicism in my whole lifetime. What will sustain the democracy is the big question.”

Trust in leadership stems from our assessment of a leader’s competence, dependability, and familiarity with their life and character. It is also influenced by our perception of whether a leader is driven by a genuine desire to serve others or by self-interest. Is it all about them or about the mission, the organization, and a positive future?

“Leadership is a matter of how to be, not how to do,” Frances Hesselbein was known to say. “It is the quality and character of the leader that determines the performance and results.” The guiding principle in her life was articulated in this phrase that she embodied: To serve is to live.

In the film, we are shown several defining moments in Mrs. Hesselbein’s life that invite trust and admiration:

• As a little girl, she was deeply affected when she learned about the respect her grandmother had shown to a Chinese immigrant while other people in the town were indifferent to him or disrespectful. It led her to embrace the value of respect for all people.
• At age 17, following the death of her father, she left college to support her mother and two younger siblings. She continued her education part-time, attending classes in the evenings and on weekends.
• In her mid-30s, she stepped in to be the volunteer leader of a local Girl Scout troop of 30 ten-year-old girls when the previous leader moved away—even though she had no daughters herself, only an elementary-aged son. When told she was their last hope or the troop would need to disband, she agreed to take the post, temporarily, until a permanent leader could be found. Several weeks turned into eight years; she stayed with those girls until they graduated from high school. Her attitude of service began a 40-year relationship of increasing leadership responsibility within the Girl Scouts of the USA.
• When invited to interview for the role of CEO of the Girl Scouts of the USA, she traveled from her home in Johnstown, Pennsylvania, to New York City. Though she did not believe they were seriously considering her for the position, her husband urged her to go. During the interview, she spoke candidly about how she would completely transform the organization. To her surprise, they offered her the job. She became the first CEO to be chosen from within the organization and served from 1976-1990.
• Under her leadership, the Girl Scouts replaced a hierarchical leadership style with a more networked circular-leadership model, modernized its programs, expanded its reach to younger girls, and broadened its appeal while staying true to its core values. As one person observed, Mrs. Hesselbein put herself in the center of the organizational chart, not at the top. The comeback from the decline the Girl Scouts had been in was remarkable: the mainly volunteer workforce grew to 780,000 individuals, minority membership tripled, and total membership grew to 2.25 million girls.
• She developed a close and collaborative partnership with Peter Drucker, the father of modern management, who once said she was the greatest leader he had ever met—and that she could lead any organization. Coming from Drucker, who had worked with leaders like General Motors’ Alfred Sloan and U.S. President Dwight Eisenhower, that was a profound endorsement.
• The year she retired from the Girl Scouts, Drucker invited her to be the founding president of a new endeavor, The Peter F. Drucker Foundation for Nonprofit Management. She established it as a widely-respected source of leadership thought. (The foundation was later renamed the Leader to Leader Institute then became The Frances Hesselbein Leadership Forum in 2017 and now offers leadership resources and inspiration to leaders working in every sector of industry and around the world.) The foundation’s journal, Leader to Leader, became an award-winning publication under her guidance and continues to be so today.
• She was the first woman, and first civilian, to be appointed to be the Class of 1951 Chair for the Study of Leadership, a two-year position at West Point.

Her broad impact was formally recognized in 1998 as President Clinton bestowed upon her the Presidential Medal of Freedom—the highest civilian honor in the United States. After commending her work with the Girl Scouts, the citation stated: “She has worked to imbue other nonprofit groups with the hallmarks of true leadership: openness to innovation, willingness to share responsibility, and respect for diversity. With skill and sensitivity, Frances Hesselbein has shown us how to summon the best from ourselves and our fellow citizens.” Fortune magazine named her to its 2015 list of the world’s 50 greatest leaders. The obituary written by The New York Times in 2022 described her as a transformative and innovative leader.

I had the privilege of knowing Mrs. Hesselbein personally, and of contributing several articles to Leader to Leader over the years. She encouraged me to share my work on the importance of human connection in organizational cultures and I have previously written about her and ways that she fostered a culture of connection at the Girls Scouts of the USA.

Frances Hesselbein exemplified mission-driven, values-based leadership grounded in the character strengths of humility, love, and service. Defining Moments, in presenting the attitudes, words, and actions of this quiet revolutionary, captures her warmth, intelligence, and leadership wisdom, and emphasizes that a leader’s character is central to their effectiveness. This message feels particularly urgent today, as we begin to reckon with the consequences of overlooking character in those entrusted with power.

In the eulogy that he delivered at her memorial service several years ago, then U.S. Secretary of Defense Lloyd J. Austin III, a retired U.S. Army four-star general, spoke of his mentor:

Frances was one of the best leaders and managers in America, even without formal training. She was a mentor who drew out the very best in people. She was a trailblazer. She was a cheerleader for those working for progress. And she was a fighter —someone fiercely devoted to our democracy and determined to make our country better. …

Frances was a national treasure. But she never wanted to be put up on a pedestal. She wanted to help. She wanted to work. And everything she did reinforced a greater purpose. She showed us how to be the leaders we needed to be for those we serve.

With the prevalence of low trust and low employee engagement in a period of much change in the U.S. and abroad, I firmly believe we need more leaders like Frances Hesselbein. The film’s message is just what we need to hear at this inflection point in history. It is already beginning to receive recognition, winning a Telly Award for excellence in video and television, and being nominated for a Leo Award for Best Musical Score in a Short Documentary from the British Columbia Film and Television Industry, and I’m sure more awards will follow.

If you know of an organization that would benefit from a screening of Defining Moments, I encourage you to reach out to me at mstallard@epluribuspartners.com. I’ll be happy to connect you with the film’s executive producer, Sarah McArthur.

The film closes with this observation from Ms. McArthur, Editor-in-Chief of Leader to Leader and a close friend and collaborator of Frances’: “She showed us the principles to live by: humility, love, service, inclusion, respect for all people, listen first, speak last. She showed us how to go towards a bright future.”

Watch the trailer for Defining Moments on YouTube.

Photo Credit: Girl Scouts of the USA

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The month of May marks a time of transition across college campuses in the U.S. as students who have completed their degrees celebrate graduation and prepare to embark on their next chapter.

On the campus of TCU (Texas Christian University), Victor Boschini recently handed out diplomas and paused to pose for photographs for the final time as the school’s chancellor. Thankfully for the TCU Horned Frog family, the transition for this “super connector” has him remaining on campus in his new role as chancellor emeritus.

I’ve written before about TCU’s rise from regional liberal arts college to nationally recognized university, but the stats are astounding. For example:

• Since Boschini’s tenure began, TCU’s first-year student retention rate has risen from 83.5% to an all-time high of 94.3% in 2023. This compares to a national average retention rate of 70.57% and an average retention rate of 68.17% for schools in Texas.
• The Princeton Review ranks TCU among the top 10 colleges in categories such as best-run colleges, happiest students, and best quality of life.
• The university’s “Lead On: A Campaign for TCU” philanthropic initiative surpassed its $1 billion goal.
• Student interest has surged, with more than 22,000 applications for fewer than 2,500 freshman spots in the 2024-2025 academic year.

Irrespective of the sector or size of group that you’re in, there are important lessons you can learn from this successful leader and teacher about the power of connection that you can apply in your own setting. In a recent article published by SmartBrief on Leadership, Katharine P. Stallard and I explore what Chancellor Boschini has shared with us about his leadership philosophy and the importance of connection.

Click here to read it (free access and no registration required, so you can close out of the optional sign up if prompted).

Photo of Chancellor Boschini courtesy of Texas Christian University

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As many organizations move away from diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiatives, they are left asking, “what’s next?” 

My proposal is to replace DEI programs with something more effective: cultivating a culture of connection (also referred to as a “Connection Culture” or “Connected Culture”). This approach intentionally develops positive bonds among people, fostering collaboration, cooperation, employee engagement, strategic alignment, innovation, better decision-making, agility, adaptability and overall superior performance.

In a recent article published by SmartBrief on Leadership, I explain the challenge of many DEI programs and how Connection Culture addresses those challenges, why Connection Culture is a proven model for uniting teams, and how to implement Connection Culture in a way that avoids the pitfalls of DEI.

If you need help cultivating a culture of connection in your organization, reach out to me. From workshops to help train your team to books and resources, I can help your team get off to a strong start.

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