Michael Nichols | Grow on Purpose

The best vacation ever!

Michael Nichols — Wed, 22 May 2013 10:00:40 +0000

You went where?

We didn’t really think it was all that weird.

In fact, it was the end of the week before we realized that every person we’d met in North Dakota had responded the same way when we told them we were there on vacation…

They all said, I’ve never met someone who came to North Dakota for vacation!

St. Thomas, Hong Kong, Puerto Rico, Nepal, the Philippines, Mexico, Jamaica, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, the Bahamas – we’ve been there. And they’re all wonderful.

But I suspect that years from now we’ll find that our greatest memories have less to do with destinations and more to do with purposeful planning and living. [Tweet that!]

Don’t misunderstand – I’m not recommending that vacation planning becomes a chore and our destinations become boring. Not at all!

Here’s what I am suggesting – 4 things to keep in mind when planning time away with the family…

1. Get away – for real!

Not to grandmas. Not with friends. Not to amusement parks. Not on busy beaches.

There’s a time for those things – but not if you want to have the best vacation ever!

Great family experiences begin with planning intentional time away with only your immediate family. So we schedule at least 2 separate weeks every year for family vacation.

2. Involve everyone

We made a significant family decision a couple of years ago. We told Madison that she could choose to visit any place in the world that she is learning about in school or at church and we’d do our best to make it happen.

Now, we don’t have a lot of money – I work at a church. Which is what makes this a BIG decision for us. We now have to spend more wisely and save more money so we are able to deliver on that promise. And it’s worth the extra effort!

While we may not be able to travel abroad every year, this decision allows our children to engage in learning about our world and connect more substantively with the family.

So when we began planning our vacation last fall, I coordinated the planning. Sarah researched family fun. And Madison chose key sites and activities.

Several months before our vacation, Madison and I were sitting in Chick-Fil-A on one of our Saturday breakfast dates. I asked her, Where would you like to visit?

She listed several places around the world – I took notes. Then she dropped this bomb – I want to go see where the Indians hang the babies on the trees.

What?!

She clarified – apparently certain Native Americans used to wrap their children tightly and suspend the swaddled child on a tree branch at night to protect them from wild animals. (With Thanksgiving just a few days away, I’m guessing she was learning about Indian life at school.)

Because she was involved in the planning, Madison was very engaged while we were away – and we spent a day on an Indian reservation. During the trip she even emailed photos of her experiences to her school teacher.

3. Plan

If you’re able to relax – I mean really relax – it will be because you were purposeful with planning.

I’m sure you’re wondering – Why the heck did you go to North Dakota in March? (The average daily temperature was 20 degrees. There was 2 feet of snow on the ground when we landed in Fargo.)

So here’s why – Madison wanted to learn more about Native Americans. One of the largest Indian reservations in the US is in North Dakota. She also wanted to go skiing. And there’s still a lot of snow up there in March.

North Dakota was one of four US states that I had never visited. (I’ve visited Oklahoma since this trip so now there are 2 remaining – Alaska and Hawaii.)

So, with a little planning, I was able to check a couple things off my bucket list, Madison was able to discover more about her interests, Andrew did the baby thing, and Sarah was able to rest.

4. Chill

After spending 24 hours a day together for several days in close quarters – in the car, hotel room, restaurants – patience begins to wear thin. (At least that’s what I’ve been told.) If not kept in check, one explosion can destroy an entire vacation.

So we did several things to keep ourselves relaxed – we slept in, we didn’t fill our days with tons of activities, and, most importantly, we took turns serving each other. Sarah spent the day in the lodge with Andrew while Madison and I hit the slopes. One afternoon, I hung out with Andrew while the girls went to a children’s museum.

Since our trip, we’ve told numerous people that it’s the best family trip we ever taken together.

So how do you plan a memorable vacation? What would you add to the list? Include your ideas in the comments.

7 Things That Will Guarantee Your Failure

Michael Nichols — Mon, 20 May 2013 10:00:42 +0000

I lacked focus and clarity. I was having a hard time getting motivated to get in bed on time. To get up on time. To work out. To write. Maybe you’ve been there.

Why does this happen? We set out with big plans and we make great progress – then the wheels come off! And we can’t figure out how to get it all back together.

Weeks, months, even years slip by. Then one day – reality slaps you in the face! You’ve got to get moving again!

In this post I’ll tell you how you can get a chapter of Jon Acuff’s new book, Start, absolutely FREE!

Sometimes we don’t even know when or how we left the path. It was so long ago. Maybe it was a simple distraction. Maybe a transition at home or at work – or both!

Derailed

I got way off track in 2012. My wife finished a graduate degree and started a new career. I left a career in higher education and shifted into a new field. We moved 3 times – one move took us halfway across the country away from our families to join a new team. We left behind a great church and wonderful friends that we loved deeply. Our daughter, Madison, enrolled in a new school. We bought a new home. And we had a son.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not complaining. (In fact, each member of my family would tell you today that 2012 was the best year of our lives together.) I’m simply admitting – our proverbial train derailed!

Your life matters

You’ve been there, too – through significant transition, grief, pain, disease, bad news. Some days you’ve wondered if it even matters if you get out of bed.

Let me tell you – YOU MATTER!

Every person is valuable and every life is worth developing. [Tweet That!]

Your life matters! So what is it that is keeping you from making progress? Why haven’t you started?

Last week I asked myself a similar question – What are the things that keep me from starting? And I started writing. Ten minutes later I ran out of space on the white board in my home office.

Here are 7 things that were draining more than 5 hours out of my life every day! (It’s not pretty!)…

1. Social Media

I was checking Facebook, Twitter, Vine, Buffer, my blog stats – 10 to 12 times a day wasting more than an hour a day. There’s no reason for me to check these more than once a day. Nobody cares if it takes me a few hours longer to like their witty status or comment on their latest photo.

So I set aside a time every morning to process social media. And I can do this in a matter of minutes.

2. TV

Yeah, you do it, too – sit down to watch one program, and it turns into 3 (or more)! Before you know it the entire evening is gone.

I was wasting an average of 1-2 hours each evening watching television which caused me to stay up late. Then I had a hard time getting up on time the next morning – more wasted time.

3. Going to work early and staying late

This one sounds weird – let me explain.

I was going to work about an hour early nearly every day and staying an hour or so late. To be honest, those 2 hours were extremely productive because the building was empty and there were few distractions. But here’s the problem – I was neglecting top priorities in my life to spend more time at the office. How does that make sense?

So I stopped! Now I go in on time. And I leave on time (most days).

4. Finances

We use software to track our personal and business finances. We track most everything. Which means we keep all of our receipts and enter the transactions into the software.

I was doing this each day as we would make purchases – sometimes several times a day. Entering the transactions daily wasted about 30 minutes a day – mostly because I would get distracted and start looking at other areas of our finances while I had the program open.

If we are living within our budget, there’s no reason for me to enter the transactions daily. So now my wife enters them and I review them weekly – in less than 30 minutes.

5. Golf

For years, I enjoyed golf as a recreational hobby. Recently, I’ve noticed that it doesn’t do much for me anymore. In fact, I’ve found myself bored out on the course, thinking about how much time I’m wasting away from my top priorities. I even tried connecting golf to some of them – spending time with friends, my health, etc. It still felt empty.

I shared this with my boss. So he asked me, What refreshes you? What stirs your soul? Then he said, If your recreation does not fulfill these things, you are cheating yourself. (He loves fishing – he’s cheating himself!)

So I’m getting rid of my clubs to allow me to focus on what I love doing!

6. Projects

I am a doer. So its easy for me to focus on projects, processes, and planning while I neglect developing and serving others.

I’ll be far more effective if I set aside the projects in the short-term and focus on developing new leaders. And, with your help, new leaders will take your organization much farther than you could ever go alone.

7. Reading

I know, I know – leaders are readers. But my reading had become an excuse that was keeping me from writing. I was reading everyone else’s book instead of writing my own. So I set aside a specific time for reading each day. And I’m writing a lot more too.

Now, here’s what I want you to do – write down one thing that is keeping you from making progress. Do it right now – then share it in the comments.

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My Quarterly Review Tool – Free Template!

Michael Nichols — Wed, 15 May 2013 10:00:39 +0000

So you know you need to set time away to reconnect with the things that are most important to me. But just getting away won’t cut it!

What are you going to do during your time away?

Earlier this week, I wrote about The Importance of My Quarterly Review. Take a few moments to check out that post – it will add value to this one.

To help me be more productive when I get away for planning and reflection, I developed a template – a Quarterly Review Tool. And, today, I am giving you my template! It’s free – won’t cost you a dime!

Many of the items included in my Quarterly Review Tool I learned from Michael Hyatt and the coaches at Building Champions. Others I have added as I have grown as a leader.

A note of caution – if you take my template and use it as it is, it probably won’t be as effective for you – because we’re different. You will want to customize it to fit your needs.

I tweaked mine for more than a year before I was comfortable with it. As with many things of value, you’ll need to exercise some patience with it.

Everything won’t work the first time. And that’s ok! Make changes where they are needed, then test it again.

Whatever you do – don’t do nothing! Decide right now that you are going to take one step toward being more purposeful in your life and work – one step toward being awesome.

Quarterly Review Tool

1. Spend time praying. Yes, I pray daily, but this is different. I make time to get quiet, reflect, and give thanks particularly for all the things that have happened over the last 90 days. I pray about big challenges that I am facing.

It’s easy to get off course along the journey. This may not be your style, but it’s a way for me to reconnect with God to make sure that I am still on track with His agenda for my life.

2. Review my Life Plan. If you don’t know what a life plan is or don’t have one, you need one! Find out why everybody should have a life plan and how to create your own in my post, Your Life Matters.

So I review my life plan and then update it – tweaking the language in my Purpose and Envisioned Future for each of my life plan accounts. I completely re-evaluate my Current Reality in each area. Then I revise or draft new Specific Commitments.

I try to do this as though it were my first time through the Life Planning exercise. I ask this question, How is my life changing as a result of my life plan? Then I journal my response.

3. Review the 4 Critical Gauges for a Healthy Leader and the questions for each gauge.

4. Review my Business Vision. For me, it’s easy to check off a box, get enamored with structure, and get bogged down in details. So my Quarterly Review is an opportunity for me to reconnect with my Business Vision.

What am I building? What is our team becoming? What does the organization look like in five years? During this time I simply want to review the written document, try to visualize it, and make sure I am crystal clear on where I am headed.

If you don’t have a written Business Vision, I’ve written a step-by-step guide to walk you through the process of Creating your Business Vision.

5. Write goals for the upcoming quarter. Following my Life Plan review and my Business Vision review, I identify specific, 90-day objectives. This is a very short list of the 6–8 most important things I can do in the next quarter to move toward my personal and professional vision.

Specifically, I identify 2-3 goals for my personal life and 2-3 for my professional life. Then, I review these goals and track my progress at least weekly.

6. Work on high impact projects. The above items usually require 4-6 hours. Then I’ll spend another 8-12 hours to working on high impact projects. I focus on projects that are difficult to get to and do well in the noise of everyday life. It may be a book that I have set aside to digest. Or I may spend time working through strategic planning.

I come to the Quarterly Review with a specific prioritized list of these projects. Often I will review the list of projects with my wife and my team before I leave to see if we’re tracking together in our thinking.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m still learning and adjusting this process to work for me. Yet, I’ve seen dramatic improvements in my life and work – particularly in areas that are top priority for me.

Question: What would you add to your template? Let us know in the comments.

The Importance of a Quarterly Review

Michael Nichols — Mon, 13 May 2013 10:00:17 +0000

Your life and work are not something that you can plan once and then put them away. They are far too important for that!

I’ve learned that I must plan regular, purposeful time away if I am going to live out the things that are most important to me. And I must adequately prepare for my time away to maximize its impact on my life and work.

Let’s face it – the number one problem with goals is that people forget about them. [Tweet that!] And when you do, those things that you once identified as top priorities fade into the noise of life.

Get away

A few weeks ago, I spent a couple of days alone at a retreat center in southern Oklahoma (the first time I had ever traveled to Oklahoma!). These 2 days were huge for me – I spent time relaxing, reflecting, thinking, praying. And I made significant progress in a couple of areas in which my growth had stalled.

My quarterly reviews, like this one, are scheduled at the end of March, June, and September. (I also conduct an annual review at the end of December – more about that later!)

Getting away for these reviews is important for me. I don’t have to tell you that you’ll find greater focus and clarity when you leave behind the busyness and demands of the office. You know it’s true!

So do it! Plan time away. Budget for it. And protect it.

Prepare

Another thing I’ve learned about getting away is that I am far more productive when I have a plan before I go. Without a plan, I would fumble around for the first half-day trying to figure what I need to get done to make me feel like I accomplished something of value during my miniature sabbatical.

I wanted to be more productive with my time. So I did 2 things. First, I developed a tool – a Quarterly Review Template. Second, I identified the things that I needed to do before leaving…

I review my template and pull together items I need to take with me.
I write down one or two top priority goals for my time away. If I don’t get anything else done, these are the things I am going to accomplish. Then I review my goal(s) with my wife, Sarah, before leaving. You may also want to review them with your boss – or your team. You want to ensure that you’re working on those things that are most important to you, to your family, and to your team.

In my next post, I will provide my Quarterly Review Tool – the exact template I use for my Quarterly Reviews.

In addition to my quarterly review, I also conduct weekly and annual reviews. I’ve written previously about how my regular reviews have helped me find greater fulfillment and effectiveness in my life and work – take a few moments to check out these posts to see how these reviews differ:

Weekly Review Post. Every Sunday evening I review my life plan. And every Friday I review my business vision. In this post I detail four ways that my weekly review has brought dramatic improvements to my life and work.
Annual Review Post. My annual review is usually scheduled during the week between Christmas and New Years. In this post I review my process for creating my annual time block for the coming year and I provide a free template for creating your own annual time block. This helps me look ahead 1-2 years to ensure that I set aside substantial time for my top priorities.

I’ve seen, first-hand, the amazing progress you can make when you’re alone for a day or two without the usual distractions. So make it a priority – plan now to get away soon!

Question: When do you review your progress? What does that look like for you? And how do you prepare for it? Share your thoughts in the comments.

The ONE Thing That WILL Improve Your Leadership

Michael Nichols — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 10:00:59 +0000

This is a guest post by Tammy Helfrich. She writes about life, marriage, and encouragement and is the author of Becoming a LifeChanger: Move Away from Ordinary. Connect with her on Twitter, Facebook or her blog.

What has most impacted YOUR personal growth?

John Maxwell has always said that personal growth will open more doors in your life and work than anything else.

Leaders are readers

I have always been a reader, but for a long time I read mainly fiction books. I love a good story! However, for the last five years, I have primarily read nonfiction books – books about leadership, personal development, time management, and building community.

The result has been a significant increase in personal growth. Why? Because I’ve challenged myself to step outside of my comfort zone.

I’ve pushed myself to start and actually finish things.

I began to question more. And in the process, all kinds of doors have opened.

Enjoy the journey

A friend recently told me that he loves watching these doors open for me.

I have to admit that I hadn’t really been looking at it like that. I was just concentrating on the doors opening. And I was excited about it. But, he is right. When we step forward in faith, God opens doors. (Tweet that!)

Sometimes, the open doors make sense – they continue the journey. Other times, a door opens and life takes an unexpected turn.

Now that can be frustrating. Sometimes it’s not easy.

Let’s face it – life’s not fair! Some doors suddenly slam shut. We can’t always see the big picture. The road of personal growth is not easy.

That’s why it’s important to grow intentionally - into better parents, better team members, better friends, better community members, better leaders.

So how do we do that? Here are a few things that are working for me:

1. Interact with others who are making a difference in the world.

2. Feed your mind with positive and energetic messages. Read books. Listen to podcasts.

3. Step outside of your comfort zone. Try something new. Decide to change.

No matter where you are on your journey, remember, successful leaders know one thing – the secret is to keep growing.

So keep moving. Keep deciding. Keep learning. Keep leading.

Question: Now it’s your turn – what has most impacted your personal growth? Share your thoughts in the comments.

4 Steps to an OUTRAGEOUS Life

Michael Nichols — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 10:00:28 +0000

This is a guest post by Dwayne Morris, a blogger, author, and speaker who lives in South Carolina. Dwayne serves young leaders who have a passion to live a life that matters. Connect with him through his blog, on Facebook, or on Twitter.

Tired of being ordinary?

Following the same cycle day after day? Ever wonder if you’ve just wasted 24 hours?

The lyrics of a popular song include:

There’s more to this life living than dying

More than just trying to make it through the day

More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see

And there’s more than this life alone can be

There is far more to life than any challenge, pain, or hurt you may experiencing at this moment. I refuse accept the notion that an infinite God created anything or anyone to be ordinary.

So how does the life of an ordinary person go from ordinary to OUTRAGEOUS! Here are 4 steps to the outrageous life:

1. God is there

To experience OUTRAGEOUS, we must begin with the understanding that God is always there. Always!

We are not alone.

The challenge for us is to make sure we’re aligned with God. Once we are, He can begin to add more to our lives.

2. Your Contribution Matters

When it comes to doing the OUTRAGEOUS, God created you with a plan and for a purpose. Then He gave you specific skills to accomplish that plan.

Yet many talk themselves right back into mediocrity before they ever get moving toward the courageous life.

No matter how small it seems, your contribution to the OUTRAGEOUS life matters – a lot!

3. Obstacles are Opportunities

Let me state the obvious - If you are going to move from ordinary to OUTRAGEOUS, there will be obstacles. [Tweet That!]

Obstacles only become obstacles when we allow them to stop us in our tracks. Yet most of the time they’re opportunities to grow.

4. Don’t Limit God’s Possibilities

Plans are important, but they can sometimes limit what we’re able to accomplish in life.

When we follow the outrageous path, we discover that we are capable of more than we ever imagined.

The journey ordinary to OUTRAGEOUS is exciting – it will refresh your life and renew your passion.

Free Book

The Outrageous Life releases today on Amazon in several formats! Order your copy today!

And I’m giving away 20 FREE copies of the book. Here’s how you can get a copy for yourself or for a friend:

Leave a comment answering the question below. Include your email address in your comment - I’ll remove it once the giveaway is finished.
Then, Tweet a link to this post, or share it on Facebook. Use the hashtag #theoutrageouslife.

I’ll email the winners a link to download a free copy of the book.

[Update - It looks like we have 20 who qualify. Thanks for participating!]

Question: What do you love to do that you can leverage for the benefit of others? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

7 Classic Signs You Have a Frenemy

Michael Nichols — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 10:00:54 +0000

This is a guest post by Lawrence W. Wilson, a thinker, author, and pastor in Fishers, Indiana. He writes about the challenge of Christian leadership in a postmodern world. Connect with him through his blog, Suburban Pastor, or on Twitter.

Everyone has one or two. How many do you have?

A frenemy – someone who pretends to be a friend but is actually a rival.

Frenemies are often helpful and complimentary, sometimes to excess. But deep down they harbor a second motive, which is to compete with or humiliate their “friend.”

My First

I encountered my first frenemy – though I didn’t know the term – early in my career.

A man began attending church and appeared to be the ideal leader. He was highly committed, had a wealth of talent, and was eager to be my right hand assistant in a key area of ministry. We also seemed to hit it off personally, and it seemed like a great relationship.

After a while I noticed that our interactions were a bit one-sided. While he often asked about my spirituality, he always moved the conversation away from his own inner life. He knew all the challenges in my family and vocation and often dwelled on them in conversation.

I began to feel that he was more interested in reminding me of my difficulties than in celebrating my victories. It was becoming a toxic relationship, and I eventually ended the association.

Unidentified, a frenemy can become something of a relational vampire, draining energy by inciting drama, undermining, or passive-aggressive behavior.

So how do you know if you have a frenemy? Here are 7 indicators of frenemy action.

1. Instant Attention

Frenemies often crave intimacy in relationships and want to be your bestie five minutes after you meet. They ask for a lunch date, friend you on Facebook, and start texting all in the same day.

Friends understand that building a relationship takes time. [Tweet That!]

Frenemies want to be too close too soon.

2. Over Sharing

Frenemies will tell you their life’s story, including highly personal details, over your first coffee. They will volunteer to pick up your kids at school, help with your big project, or take the check every time you go for lunch.

In the back of your mind, you realize there is an imbalance in the relationship – and you’re right. The frenemy will expect that attention to be repaid, with interest.

Friends keep some things about their personal life private and allow you to do the same. Frenemies thrive on relational entanglement.

3. Criticism Given as Humor

Frenemies love the put down, usually given in front of others. When challenged, they generally claim it was intended to be lighthearted, opening the door for a second slam. “Gee, I was only kidding. Some people just can’t take a joke.”

Frenemies love sarcasm, and they are masters of the “Who, me?” expression.

Friends may engage in good-natured ribbing, but they respect your feelings. Frenemies use humor as a cover for dealing body blows.

4. Left-Handed Compliments

Frenemies are effusive with praise at the beginning of the relationship but begin to mix it with mild criticism and, eventually, insults. Don’t mistake this for the constructive critique of a mentor.

Frenemies say things like “That’s not bad writing, especially for a person with your education,” and “Well look who’s on time for a meeting. Seriously, I’m glad you could make it.”

Friends dish out unqualified praise and offer criticism gently, privately, and rarely. Frenemies often mix the two.

5. Digging Up Dirt

Frenemies feed on negative information and always dig for more. If you say you’re feeling a bit down, they’ll want to know why. Was it a fight with your spouse? Are you depressed? Tomorrow, they’ll press further. “How’s it going with your sister, still not speaking?”

At first it will feel good to have someone who remembers what’s happening in your life and seems to care. In time, you’ll notice that this is a purely negative exercise and every conversation becomes an interrogation. Worse, this behavior will be spiritualized with statements like, “I just want to know how to pray for you.”

Friends show concern about your personal problems but allow you a measure of privacy. Frenemies look for the sore spot in your life put their finger on it every time.

6. That Nagging Feeling

If you have the persistent feeling that someone in your relational web cannot be trusted or has an ulterior motive in seeking your friendship, pay attention – you’re probably right.

Friends disarm your fears over time by proving themselves trustworthy. [Tweet That!]

Frenemies produce a feeling of apprehension.

7. Sabotage

A frenemy’s goal is not to help you succeed but to ensure that you fail, or at least feel miserable in your success. This will eventually take the form of passive-aggressive resistance or outright sabotage.

The frenemy shows up five minutes late on your big day, signaling to the team that their agenda is more important. The frenemy will ask you to clarify an embarrassing misstatement in public rather than in private, saying that they “just want to be sure we’re all hearing the same thing.”

Friends care about you and help you succeed. Frenemies care about themselves and feel best when you are at your worst.

I am convinced that frenemies are often unaware of their true motive, which may be fueled by feelings of jealousy, inferiority, or resentment. Even so, it is best to identify these destructive relationships and deal with them quickly.

Question: How have frenemy relationships affected your life? Share your thoughts in the comments.

EVERYONE cares about ME!

Michael Nichols — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 10:00:56 +0000

This is a guest post by Jared Latigo. He’s a super passionate guy who is helping others live their passion through personal brand consulting and creating effective, targeted messaging. Check out his blog and grab his free eBooks. He also tweets, if you’re into that.

We’re born with it! And we never grow out of it.

Whether you’re 9 or 90 – everyone cares about ME! Right?

It’s easy to focus on self. Though some may deny placing themselves first, it’s very difficult for anyone to avoid the ME complex.

Grow on Purpose

Personal development is incredibly important. If we aren’t growing personally, we will never be able to be the leader or follower the world needs.

The great thing about this is that there is an incredible amount of information available today to help us to grow exponentially. Much of it is free or available at little cost.

It’s important that we take time to grow internally and think about the things we value most in our lives – work, family, spiritual. For more on this, check out Michael’s post, 4 Critical Gauges for Your Life and Work.

When we grow intentionally, we are able to serve and lead more effectively.

Help Others Grow

Then, help OTHERS grow. Help others gain traction and momentum. In fact, we should surround ourselves with people who are intentionally growing.

I have been around far too many people who are a total time and energy drain because they have little or no interest in growth.

You can feel them when you first meet them – and your conversations go nowhere. It’s draining to drag someone up the hill of personal development.

It seems counterintuitive – yet when we focus on the growth of others, we grow. And when we grow, we are able to lead with greater clarity, focus, and energy. [Tweet That!]

So what about this ME complex?

Make Everything About YOU

Turn the ME complex into a YOU complex! Make everything about others.

When you write, make it about helping others. When you sell, make it about benefiting others. When you buy, make others feel good about what they sold.

For example – one might say:

I recently started a podcast and I’d really like to have you on the show. I know you’ll share great information with the listeners. Do you think you could help me out?

Or they could say:

You’ve been doing some awesome writing lately and I’ve been intrigued by the ideas you’re churning out. I’d like you to be a guest on a podcast and share some of your wisdom with the listeners. We could even plug your product. What do you think?

See the difference?

Replacing I’s with YOU’s makes a huge difference!

I think you get the point – focus on others! When you do, they read it as, It’s all about “ME.”

Try this

The ME complex isn’t complicated to overcome. Just remember that most people are wondering, How does this benefit me?

Spend some time looking back through emails you’ve sent to people. Ask yourself, Are my emails ME focused?

Try a little exercise over the next few emails – make them about others. My guess, you’ll get better responses.

Question: What do you think? What did you notice about your recent calls and emails? Are they focused on you or others? Let us know in the comments!

It’s all about serving

I began looking for ways that I could serve Dennis.

Over the first few months, I helped him balance his checkbook. I showed him how to use financial software to setup a budget and track spending. I mentored him in his supervisory role at work.

My wife and I bought him a computer. We helped him get connected with a new church. I was able to listen as he experienced a very difficult situation.

Expect the unexpected

Dennis and I had been friends for a year or so – then one day he called. His tone was serious. He said, There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you.

I responded – What is it? I’ll do anything for you.

He said, I’d like for you to be my best man. Would you do that?

His request was totally unexpected. I mean – I knew he was getting married. And we were planning to attend his wedding.

But he has 6 brothers – and lots guy friends! Why me?

He explained, You’ve been a great friend to me. Your influence has profoundly impacted my life. I can’t think of anyone that I’d rather have as my best man.

I had never been asked this question before. (And I’ve never been asked since.)

Within days, I began researching what a best man was supposed to do.

One of the responsibilities of the best man is to make the toast for the bride and groom. This is generally preceded by the best man speech.

So here is the speech I prepared for one of my best friends in all the world:

I want to thank all the people who made this day possible – especially the parents of the bride and the parents of the groom. Not just for this beautiful day, but for their influence on the lives of these two wonderful people.

I want to thank all of YOU for coming to celebrate this very special day with DJ and Shelby. There’s no place I’d rather be. DJ has been a great friend to me.

He has always treated Sarah [my wife] with great respect. Occasionally he treats me with respect.

He has loved Madison [our daughter] like family. And she loves Peyton [his dog].

He has considered me a mentor, even though he knows me pretty well.

Sarah, Madison and I have great memories together with DJ and Shelby – like Sundays in Chattanooga for church (and shopping afterwards when Sarah talked us into it); times he and I chased golf balls around Dayton Country Club though we both would benefit greatly from a BUNCH of golf lessons.

I also remember sitting in a restaurant in Chattanooga with DJ, Shelby, and Sarah, when I realized that this is it – DJ has found his match. I’ve learned that DJ and Shelby balance one another perfectly:

DJ is a saver; Shelby is a giver

DJ is competitive; Shelby is good at calming him down

DJ eats for recreation; Shelby is religiously healthy

DJ can’t stand being late; Shelby doesn’t mind it

DJ is a hard worker; Shelby is going to make all the money

Dennis changes his name on occasion; Shelby is cool with hers

When I made the decision to accept a new position – one thing I knew right away was that I wanted to continue working with DJ. (And I guess I won’t be calling him late at night for a while about work-related stuff – he’ll be a little busy.)

He and I have spent a lot of time together. Usually it was when one of us was going through something difficult. It was in those very challenging circumstances, he was a great friend to me. And now my friend marries his best friend.

Marriage is not about finding a person you can live with, it’s about finding the person you can’t live without. And my friend has found that person.

So here’s to the union of two wonderful friends – one will never remember the anniversaries and the other will never forget them.

May you be friends to each other as only two lovers can, and may you love each other as only best friends can.

If I’m totally transparent, Dennis was a friend to me when no one else was. Through some of the darkest moments of my life that few knew about – Dennis was there.

For that I’m grateful – and I’m grateful to have been given the opportunity to be a friend.

Question: How have you been able to significantly impact someone’s life? What did you learn from it? Tell us about your experience in the comments.