This might be hard to believe for some who know me. There was a time recently when I was trained to be a pickup artist. After the mid-2000’s, I was certainly capable of meeting and attracting women. And I often did – on my own, or in groups of like-minded men. Prior to that time, I had the nerve, but not the game (not at all, as other friends can attest to).

One or two years ago, at the height of my pickup days, I would have been totally embarrassed to admit that I was still a virgin. But not today. I’m neither proud, nor embarrassed of the fact – though I am tremendously relieved. Relieved that I have never gone far enough in any previous relationship to lose the “V” label.

Previous girlfriends wanted to have sex at times when I was determined not to. When I was willing, the girl wasn’t. Etcetera. Even during my pickup days, I wasn’t interested in having sex. I wanted to simply improve my social skills and get over the fear of talking to strangers. It was all a lesson in social dynamics for me, not a shortcut to sex.

Now that I’m engaged and two days away from my wedding, I’m so thankful to God for keeping me from this particular sexual sin. Never in my marriage with Megan will I be able to compare her to other women from my past. I imagine that’s an important ingredient in a happy marriage.

Many gifts will be given on Saturday. But for me, there’s no greater gift I can give my wife on our wedding day than my sexual purity.

I was inspired to do this by reading up on some of the philosophies of 12-step programs (e.g., Alcoholics Anonymous). One of the 12 steps in all of these programs is to make amends to all the people you’ve wronged in the past. I thought this was a worthy undertaking for anyone – not just people in a 12-step program. It was a very Christian thing to do.

It’s true that God will forgive your sins if you ask for forgiveness, and that Jesus paid the penalty of those sins on the cross – but just asking God for forgiveness doesn’t make things right with the person you’ve wronged. As best we can, we should make restitution for the harm we’ve caused others. And that’s where amends come in.

I’ve made an extensive list of people I would like to make amends to. Not only people I’ve harmed during my youth, but some I’ve harmed in my professional life as an adult. In the next few weeks, I will be contacting these people and making it a priority to make amends with them – not only ask them for forgiveness, but also do whatever is in my power to make things right between us.

To start things off, I thought way back to my early childhood, living in Arlington, Virginia. The earliest episode of wrongdoing I can remember is when I stole toys from a local drug store after piano lessons. On the way home from the piano teacher’s place, my mom would often take us to People’s Drugstore (now CVS). I remember two occasions when I opened the package of a G.I. Joe figure and shoplifted the figure out of the store. One was a Cobra Eel frogman figure, and the other was Copperhead the driver of the Water Moccasin vehicle.

I’m not totally sure the Cobra Eel was shoplifted, but am definitely sure Copperhead was, as I thought long and hard as a child how I could remove the figure from the vehicle box without being seen by anyone. And that was the second time I had stolen a figure.

When I got home that evening, I used the same lie as the first time. I went outside, then ran back inside the house feigning excitement and claiming I had “found” the figure outside in the yard. I guess my mom thought it was too coincidental for me to find two brand new G.I. Joe figures in the yard in a short amount of time, so she called me out on my lie and was furious that I had apparently stolen the toy.

Overwhelmed with guilt that evening, I spilled my guts to my mom, while crying on the couch. She forgave me and, I believe, took the toy from me, or made me give it to my cousin Robby. I’m not totally clear on what happened to it, other than I never got to play with it.

God forgave me of that sin of theft, but every time I think back upon it, I feel paralyzed with embarrassment. Which is why I finally felt the need to make amends for it – albeit 25 years later.

To the best of my ability, I’ve tried to locate where that People’s Drugstore used to be. Naturally, it would now be a CVS, but I didn’t know where in Arlington it was. I asked my family if they remembered, but none really could. Jamie did suggest one possible location of a CVS on Glebe Road that was close to the vicinity where we lived.

I went to the CVS this afternoon and had a very awkward conversation with the manager.

I walked in and asked one of the clerks if I could speak with the manager. Soon after, a Middle Eastern woman came out and asked me how she could help. Stumbling on my words, I told her I had a very strange story to tell her. I told her (within earshot of several customers and employees) that I had come to this store when I was a child and shoplifted toys. I felt bad about that and was here to make restitution for my theft. I took out $40 from my wallet and handed it to her.

She was dumbstruck. She asked me why I bothered. I told her that I was a Christian and felt bad for my previous thefts and was here to make amends. I took out a Gospel of John and handed it to her. “It’s what Jesus would want me to do,” I said. She told me she would be right back.

She returned after several long minutes with another woman – her supervisor. She had explained the story to her supervisor, and the supervisor asked me to repeat the story. I did. She smiled and thanked me for the effort, but said I should give the money to a church instead. She said that God sees everything and that He knows I’m sorry. I told her I already give money to my church and that this money was for the store to make up for the money it lost from my shoplifting.

The supervisor didn’t know what to say. Eventually, she exclaimed that no one had ever done this before. She accepted the money, and I left the store.

I’m not sure what effects my action may have. I certainly feel like I can put that episode of shoplifting behind me and never be embarrassed by it again. As for the two women I spoke with… one of them seemed to be a church-going Christian, while the Middle Eastern woman just remained silent and observed what was going on. I can only hope that my action may spark up a spiritual discussion between the two women. And just maybe one of them will read the Gospel of John I gave her.

And the reason I’m blogging about these events is to inspire other Christians to think back on their past and make restitution with people they’ve harmed. You never know how God will use that.

God forgives sins, and if you’re a Christian, Jesus has paid for your sins (past, present, and future) already. But it’s up to you to set things right with the people you’ve harmed.

… Jesus said to them, “It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
- Mark 2:17

“I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.”
- Luke 15:7

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
- Romans 3:23

The only ones who will receive the benefit of Jesus’ payment on the cross are those who are humble enough to admit they need a savior. If you refuse to believe you need a savior, or believe you can earn your way to Heaven by being a good person, then Jesus is not for you. You will be judged on your “good works” rather than Jesus’ good works. And how can you possibly compare to Christ? Humble yourself and cling to Christ. Become a loser for Jesus and live forever.

[Note: The title of this blog post was inspired/stolen from the song "Jesus is for Losers" by Steve Taylor.]

As humans, we desire to be self-reliant and autonomous. But when we hurt someone else, we have feelings of guilt that don’t coincide with our autonomous lifestyle. Why do we care whether or not we’ve harmed someone? It’s survival of the fittest, right? We just need to look out for ourselves. Right?

The fact is, we all feel a sense of guilt when we harm other people. This is not a product of our environment and upbringing. We have guilt, because each one of us is imprinted with a moral code and a conscience that notifies us when we’ve broken that code. The moral code is written in our hearts. And it was written by God.

No one can claim that murder, rape, and hatred are neutral actions. We all know they are wrong. We are all aware of the difference between good and evil.

When we break the moral law written in our hearts, we rightly feel guilty. If we continue to ignore our conscience, eventually it will wear out and cease to notify us of our transgression. The Bible calls this the hardening of the heart. Sociopaths and serial killers fall into this category. Hitler would fall into this category. These are people whose hearts are so hardened that they no longer view their obvious sins as wrong. In fact, anyone who lives unrepentantly contrary to God’s moral law would fall into this category. You probably know someone who does this. You may even be one.

So, what do we do with our guilt? We’ve all broken the moral code within us, as well as the expressly written code of conduct in the Bible. No one is guiltless in the matter of sin. Anyone who claims to be without sin only needs to examine the 10 Commandments to find himself guilty of breaking God’s laws.

Ultimately, the question we have to ask ourselves is how can a sinner like me enter Heaven? How good do you have to be to enter Heaven?

Well, here’s the bad news… You have to be perfect.

“Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
– Matthew 5:48

“For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.”
- Matthew 5:20

“There is none righteous, not even one; there is none who understands, there is none who seeks for God.”
- Romans 3:10-11

God is holy, and we are not. God demands holiness, and we can never be holy on our own. No amount of prayers, penance, or praise-worthy actions will ever make up for the fact that you are not perfect. Just one sin keeps us from ever living up to the perfect standard of God.

So, if you have to be perfect to get to Heaven, who could possibly get there?

Well, here’s the good news… Jesus was perfect.

“And having been made perfect, He [Jesus] became to all those who obey Him the source of eternal salvation.”
- Hebrews 5:9

“For by one offering He has perfected for all time those who are sanctified.”
- Hebrews 10:14

You see, we will never be perfect on our own. But Jesus lived a perfect life for our benefit, and it’s only with Him as our representative that we can be seen as perfect in God’s eyes. We don’t deserve to go to Heaven, but because Jesus was perfect and paid for our sins, God no longer sees our sins as ours, but as Jesus’. God punished Jesus on the cross for all of our sins – past, present, and future – so that we could escape punishment. That is why we are now seen by God as perfect.

It’s through Jesus’ perfect life, punishment, death, and resurrection that we have attained perfection. It’s not our own perfection, but Jesus’ that will get us into Heaven.

So, if you’re looking to make up for your sins by doing good deeds, stop it. You can never make up for your sins. Instead, trust in Jesus’ payment for your sins to remove your guilt and provide you with the necessary perfect status before God.

This was a free gift from God – not something you earn. If you try to earn it, you lose it. The only way you can get to Heaven is through Jesus Christ’s perfection.

“But to the one who does not work, but believes in Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is credited as righteousness.”
- Romans 4:5

EFFECT of Salvation = Works
“Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself. But someone may well say, “You have faith and I have works; show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works.”
- James 2:17-18

Works are only necessary as an evidence of faith. But the only requirement for salvation is faith. Once you put Works into the CAUSE category, you have a false gospel, of which Paul says…

“… even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to what we have preached to you, he is to be accursed!”
- Galatians 1:8

The difference between CAUSE and EFFECT in the matter of salvation is of eternal significance.

We tend not to be bold in our sports predictions, because we’ll lose face if we’re wrong. But if we knew for certain who would win, we would tell the world who we were rooting for, bet all the money we had, and be the proudest, wealthiest person in the world when our team wins it all.

Well, here’s a news flash… God wins in the end.

Jesus WILL return and establish His Kingdom. He WILL separate the wheat from the chaff and throw the chaff into the fire. This is a fact. This is what is going to happen when Jesus returns. Every Christian should know this with 100% certainty.

The problem is we don’t have faith in what the Bible says to be true. Though we think Jesus triumphs in the end, we don’t live our lives in a way that expresses this belief. Instead, we look around us and see a world that does not believe in Jesus or obey Him as Lord, so we become bashful and keep our beliefs to ourselves. We certainly don’t want to go out on a limb expressing these beliefs, then find out we’re wrong. That would be embarrassing.

We also see life as an 80-year process. It’s a long road — so we’ll get to the religion stuff towards the end. Assuming we live that long. Because EVERYONE dies of old age, right?

Well, here’s another news flash… The end is near.

Does that sound fanatical? Do I sound like a crazy person on the sidewalk with a cardboard sign? That’s what John the Baptist sounded like — and we see what happened with his prediction.

Faith is being bold about a truth only you seem to know. Being willing to be perceived by those around you as a crazy person. Accepting the fact that you will be mocked and discriminated against — and being okay with that, because you know, in the end, you’ll be on the winning side.

“For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will also be ashamed of him when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels.” – Mark 8:38

How differently would you live your life, if you knew Jesus was coming tomorrow? What would you stop doing? What would you start doing? If He was coming over for dinner, what would you discard from your house? If He was going to review your personal finances, what expenses would you try to hide? How much more would you tithe? If He asked you how you spent your time, what would you honestly say? What would you like to say?

Here are two certainties: 1) You are going to die, or 2) Jesus will return before you die. Either way, the end is near. You have about 80 total years on this earth to know God, obey Him, and make Him known to others.

What are you waiting for? It’s time to go all in.

In the same way, a human life is only as valuable as what someone will pay for it. Couples pay twenty thousand dollars to adopt or artificially conceive a child. Wealthy relatives pay millions to ransom their kidnapped loved ones. And an individual will make any payment required to get the surgery he needs to stay alive. In fact, there’s probably no more valuable object in this universe than a human life.

But the world sometimes forgets this and puts the value of selfish comfort, business, natural resources, land, and politics above human life — which has been the cause of wars and bloodshed throughout history. In these cases, human life doesn’t really seem valuable at all. It seems that life is valued on a relative scale. Sometimes it’s of value, and sometimes it’s worthless. Is there any way to know for sure the value of life?

I believe so. Again, the value of something is based on how much someone is willing to pay for it. One Man paid the ultimate price in order to save the lives of many.

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to Earth in human form in order to live a perfect life, die a physical death, and pay the ultimate spiritual price of receiving God’s wrath upon himself, so that you and I could be freed from the penalty of our sins and live eternally with Him in Heaven.

In John 3:16, it says, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” It says in Romans 5:8 that, “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Don’t miss what that verse in Romans says… “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” That means when we were still hostile towards God and religion and couldn’t care less about Jesus, He still died for us.

Do you want to know what your value is? While the people you walk past in the mall, or the people driving on the highway beside you, or even the country’s government all seem to see you as nothing more than an obstacle, nuisance, or money source, there is Someone who values you above His own life. As unlovely as you and I feel each day, there is Someone who loves you immensely — a Friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). Jesus loves you, even when others don’t.

You are more valuable than you know. Jesus didn’t die for a political cause, or to acquire land, wealth, resources, or power. Jesus died for you. So that you could live.

You’re that valuable.

Conquer Your Fear, Share Your Faith by Ray Comfort & Kirk Cameron

For Men Only by Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn
Great insights on women — how they think, communicate, and feel appreciated. Important for any man to read.
Grade: B

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
Interesting reading for me. Many Christian women read this book, so I felt it was necessary to find out what they’re being told about men. Pretty much right on.
Grade: B

The Five Love Languages Singles Edition by Gary Chapman
Excellent book on how people express love to (and receive love from) other people. If you can’t seem to communicate your love effectively to other people, then you’re probably not speaking their love language. Learn to identify your own love languages and discover the love languages of others. Whether it’s words of affirmation, touch, quality time, gift giving, or acts of service, once you become familiar with the 5 love languages, you will find it much easier to express love and appreciation to other people.
Grade: A

Found: God’s Will by John MacArthur
Read this a couple times, because it’s so short. John gives 5 or 6 concrete steps in the Bible for finding God’s will for your life. Then surprises you with a final principle for discovering God’s will for specific concerns in your life. This book cleared up any doubt I had regarding God’s will for me in the coming months.
Grade: A

But in my ever-growing hunger for knowledge — especially on the topic of relationships — I figured I would have to familiarize myself with the 5 love languages at some point. So I got the book this week and finished it moments ago.

I admit I was wrong. This turned out to be an important book that I believe all people should read. Not only will it help you in your romantic relationships, but with all relationships in general (family, coworkers, friends).

Similar to secular self-help books that say everyone has a preferred “sense” in which they tend to communicate best (e.g., visual, audible, tactile), Gary Chapman — the book’s author — suggests that everyone gives and receives love in one of 5 ways (read: love languages). These five languages are…

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

Should you not recognize the love language of your romantic partner, friend, or colleague, you risk building conflict in the relationship through their perceived lack of love coming from you. If the way you choose to show love and appreciation is not the way the person wants or is capable of feeling love, then your efforts are in vain.

For example, if the other person’s love language is Words of Affirmation, all of your sacrificial service or gift-giving is not going to make up for the lack of verbal affirmation the person craves. Likewise, if the other person’s love language is Quality Time, then all of the encouraging emails and bouquets of flowers aren’t going to make up for the lack of love they perceive from the little quality time you spend together.

Right away, I knew what my weakest areas of showing love were… Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. For most of my life, I was very distant in my relationships with other people. I was distant verbally (didn’t often talk, much less provide encouragement to other people), and I was distant physically (wasn’t much of a hugger). And I certainly didn’t like to do acts of service — not even service that acted in my own interest, not to mention others’ interests.

If I was good at any of these languages, it was gift-giving (I love to give stuff away) and quality time (I love to spend time with the people I love).

As it turns out, my primary love language is Quality Time. I both love to give and receive quality time with those I love. I can’t think of a better way to experience the love of another person than having the chance to hang out with that person for long periods of time.

Secondarily, I think I also respond well to Words of Affirmation. I’m not totally convinced about that, as I tell myself I don’t care what other people think of me or what I do — but I’m sure much of that is bravado, and that I really do appreciate it when others publicly appreciate me.

Aside: If someone wanted to make me feel unloved, all that person would need to do is stop hanging out or communicating with me. (Can’t help but laugh at this, given my recent personal circumstances. It explains so much.)

The challenge for me is learning to identify the love languages of other people, then using their love languages to communicate my love and appreciation for them. As I said earlier, I have a lot of work to do in certain areas. The biggest of which I think is Words of Affirmation. I’ve grown up with and around such cynical, critical people that it’s hard for me to say something encouraging to someone without sounding disingenuous to myself. That’s just something I’ll have to get over.