Amy would rather play music than do her homework, so she needs to form a Christian band! Jackie enjoys gorging herself on chocolates, so she needs to start a Christian chocolate lovers home group! Joe likes drinking and picking up chicks, so he needs to launch a Christian dating ministry! These are the worlds familiar to them. These are the people they’re being “called” to reach. Right?

God certainly wouldn’t punish these enthusiastic folks by calling them to give up their passions, leave their comfortable lives, or simply live a simple, obscure life. God wants us to be happy – and famous! God wants us to have successful ministries!

What are ministries? Why are we concerned with having them? Jesus and the apostles didn’t emphasize the need for every Christian to have a personal, tax-exempt ministry relevant to their culture. He gave us very simple directives… Love God, love your neighbor, preach the Gospel, and make disciples. These should be the personal “ministries” of every Christian.

Don’t know what ministry God is calling you to? You don’t need to wait on the leading of the Holy Spirit to know that God is calling you to love Him, love your neighbor, preach the Gospel, and make disciples. Jesus was clear about all of those things. He calls all Christians to do these.

I don’t know about you, but I barely have enough time to do any one of these things – much less all of them. Why would I need to spend what free time I have creating more work (read: ministry) each day?

If you and I focused on loving God with all our heart, soul, and mind, we wouldn’t have time for ministry. If we loved our neighbors as ourselves, our calendars would already be full.

Who do we spend the majority of our time with? Where is the bulk of our energy spent? If the answer is the Church or other Christians, then our priorities are off.

You don’t serve Christ by separating yourselves into Christian ministries and engaging the world from the perch of a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, or from within the confines of an isolated church building or home group (geographically in the community, but practically absent & non-existent). You serve Christ by serving your neighbors – both the wealthy neighbors (aka big donors!) and the “least of these” (Matt 25:40).

What is your personal ministry? Is it based around a personal interest? Is your dedication to that particular interest distracting you from fulfilling God’s command to love Him, love your neighbors, preach the Gospel, and make disciples?

If you’re more concerned with how much money your ministry raises, how many people attend your meetings, how well your marketing efforts are going, or how fulfilled your ministry makes you… maybe it’s time to ditch your ministry.

If you’ve never met your next-door neighbor, invited them over for dinner, or planned a neighborhood block party… maybe it’s time to ditch your ministry.

If you don’t spend time every single day reading the Bible and praying to God, learning more about Him, and worshiping Him… maybe it’s time to ditch your ministry.

Quit using your ministry as an excuse to disengage from the world and from God. Be ready everyday to be interrupted by an opportunity to serve or get to know your neighbors, or to go to God in prayer. Life already has too many distractions. Don’t get caught up in the logistics of “ministry.”

About two months ago, I believe God called me out of my current church in order to begin teaching and discipling new believers right in my community. My mission field was not to be the world, the country, or even the DC metro area. My mission field was to be my community – my neighbors, local shop owners, and schools. At first, I thought I would be ministering in Oakton, Virginia – but with a sudden, abrupt move to South Riding, Virginia last month, I have a new community to immerse myself into and reach.

My wife and I have been trying to find a church home within or near South Riding. A month later, we’re still floundering alone in the community. And that’s taking a toll on me spiritually.

I don’t have lofty expectations for our new church home. I only want three things… 1) that the church teach correct doctrine (i.e., Reformed theology), 2) the church have a passion for reaching the South Riding community, and 3) there be clear opportunity for me to teach in some capacity (e.g., small groups, evangelism training, etc.). I don’t think these are impossible or even outrageous goals. Surely, I can find one church in the South Riding area that meets these requirements. But I have not.

We’ve visited three Reformed churches in the area – each one with their pluses and minuses. If we can’t find another Reformed church, we’ll have to choose between imperfect options. But maybe we’re supposed to learn that no church is perfect, and that we need to be able to tolerate an imperfect situation.

But where should w compromise? Which of my requirements is expendable?

I’ve spent a decade going to a church that I believe taught imperfect doctrine. Why make the switch now?

I’ve been doing evangelism ministry independent of my home church for over a year, so what difference does it make if the church is focused on South Riding (as I am) or not?

And as for teaching, I can certainly go out and find new believers to join a small group at my home – all on my own. Why do I need to tie my teaching with a church?

I guess the answer to all these questions is… Because I’m tired.

I’m tired of trying to do everything on my own. I’m tired of having to plan all the logistics of my ministry. I want to be a part of a church that has the same calling as me – a church that can take some of the burden off my shoulders and work with me in ministry.

I don’t want to do everything. I don’t want the glory. I want to work with a church and other believers who are similarly called, so I can finally take a back seat and let other people shine.

Lord, help us to find a church in South Riding.

Click image for higher resolution…

It would be very easy for me to fall into a small depression over this large chunk of lost money. But I’ve been constantly reminding myself that it wasn’t our money to begin with. It was God’s money. We are simply stewards of the resources He’s given us. We tried really hard to be good stewards of His money. We kept our pride in check and purchased an old, inexpensive car for my wife. We shopped around and did research online. We enlisted several people in our car search and sought godly advice. We followed the “Dave Ramsey plan” in that we bought a “beater” so we could get out of debt faster. We did everything right.

But our best-laid plans are laughable to God. Our wisdom is foolishness to Him. Our perspective is so miniscule and limited, that we can hardly expect to understand why we go through struggles. However, we trust God that He’ll work everything out for our good.

As I waivered on the fulcrum of depression, I began to contemplate the fact that, as a Christian, this is as bad as it gets. My car could break down every week, I could lose my job tomorrow, I could even be beaten and killed next month – but the struggles I face during my few years here on Earth will be as bad as it gets for me.

When I die, it gets infinitely better. Upon my death, I will enter into the presence of God. There will never be pain, sorrow, broken down cars, or financial worry for me ever again. For Christians, our “hell” is our time on Earth. This is as bad as it gets. I could lose everything, and it would be nothing compared to the eternal judgment awaiting those who have rejected Christ.

I thank God that I will never experience true Hell, because Jesus has experienced it for me. He took my place, so that I could live forever with Him.

Churches have combined Sunday worship with evangelism – attempting to kill two birds with one stone – not knowing that by doing so, they’ve become less effective at both.

Sabbath or Sunday worship was established for the benefit of God’s people. It was a time for them to worship God, fellowship with other believers, and learn more about our Creator through the Scriptures. Though we are told that there will always be “tares” (read: unbelievers) among the “wheat” inside our churches – and that we shouldn’t bother trying to root them out (Matt. 13:29) – we are never encouraged to actively invite tares into our churches. “What fellowship can light have with darkness? … What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” (2 Cor. 6:14-15)

A “seeker” is someone churches think is actively pursuing God, but just hasn’t found Him yet, or hasn’t been intellectually convinced that Christ is the Messiah. However, the Bible makes it clear that there is no such person. In fact, the Bible states that natural man is at enmity with God (Rom 8:7), and there is none who seek after God (Rom 3:11). Only after being born again (i.e., spiritually regenerated) can a person even see the Kingdom of God (John 3:3).

The Apostle Paul states in 1 Cor. 2:14, “The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.”

R.C. Sproul rightly describes the so-called seeker as “…not seeking after God, but seeking the benefits that only God can give him, while at the same time fleeing as fast as he can from the immediate presence of God.”

The doctrine of man’s spiritual depravity is crucial to our understanding of the “seeker” issue. I won’t go into all the conclusions this doctrine ultimately leads to (i.e., the whole of Reformed theology), but it’s enough to say that the Bible makes it clear there are no such things as “seekers,” and the Church should not busy itself with trying to cater to this non-existent demographic.

About a week ago, I was on the train heading to work. A young man was sitting directly in front of me, and a mother and her young daughter was seated behind me. The man, probably no older than 25, spent the entire train ride talking loudly on his cell phone about very personal things to his girlfriend. Though I was not seated in the “quiet car,” where you are not allowed to talk or use electronic devices, no one else in the train car was talking. So everyone was forced to reluctantly listen to this young man’s conversation.

Throughout the conversation, the young man used vulgar profanity. I could feel the mother’s censorious gaze burning right through the back of my seat and feared my hair might catch aflame. I buried my head into the book lying dormant in my outstretched hands, but could not concentrate well enough to read with comprehension.

When we arrived at the penultimate train stop, the mother and daughter ascended their seats to leave. As she passed, the mother turned around and scowled at the young man. Unfortunately, his relentless conversation made him oblivious to her unsubtle, nonverbal feedback.

I tried to think of something to say or do to the man, once I arrived at our destination to express the train car’s collective and unspoken aggravation with him. But ultimately, I could only think of these words… “‘Vengeance is Mine,’ says the Lord, ‘I shall repay.’” I decided to let the whole episode loose from my mind and have faith (albeit blind) that the Lord would somehow, at some unforeseen time, correct this young man’s imprudent ways.

I didn’t at all think I would have the privilege of ever seeing such godly correction or discipline myself.

This morning, after getting off the train, I discovered that this same young man was walking directly in front of me, wearing the same smart suit he did last week. When we exited onto the streets of DC, up went my umbrella. The skies were open, and rain poured down upon the city with unrelenting ease. Though surrounded by thoughtful commuters toting a multitude of umbrellas in myriad colors, this man had no umbrella. He walked briskly down the sidewalk, dodging pesky impending pedestrians – his fine suit the only protection from the descending shower. To my bashful delight, he missed the crosswalk signal and had to wait with the rest of us by the street corner.

I considered how evil I was to delight in this swaggering, young man’s dilemma. But I also considered how wonderful it was to witness what I believed to be God’s vengeance in a most modest matter such as this.

Despite the lack of “meat” in the author’s argument, I posted a reply with my ideas on how God views illegal immigration. I’ve only begun to think about this issue from a Christian perspective, so I’m totally willing to be convinced otherwise. But for now, this is why I believe God would NOT support illegal immigration.

We welcome aliens into the United States — those who follow the rules and come here legally. Those who break the U.S. immigration laws should be punished or prevented from doing so — that’s why we have laws. Paul instructs us in Romans 13 to obey the governing authorities. Arizona’s SB1070 law simply forces local law enforcement to enforce federal immigration laws. That’s a good thing. You cannot make a biblical case that God wants people to break a nation’s laws in order to migrate into that nation.

Illegal immigration costs the country $13 billion a year. That hurts the legal residents of the country. The government has a responsibility to protect its citizens. Illegal immigration economically hurts Americans (schools, job market), and in the case of Arizona, endangers the safety of citizens living near the border. God told Israel to build a wall around Jerusalem. Why is it not “God honoring” to build a physical & legal “wall” around our border?

This might be hard to believe for some who know me. There was a time recently when I was trained to be a pickup artist. After the mid-2000′s, I was certainly capable of meeting and attracting women. And I often did – on my own, or in groups of like-minded men. Prior to that time, I had the nerve, but not the game (not at all, as other friends can attest to).

One or two years ago, at the height of my pickup days, I would have been totally embarrassed to admit that I was still a virgin. But not today. I’m neither proud, nor embarrassed of the fact – though I am tremendously relieved. Relieved that I have never gone far enough in any previous relationship to lose the “V” label.

Previous girlfriends wanted to have sex at times when I was determined not to. When I was willing, the girl wasn’t. Etcetera. Even during my pickup days, I wasn’t interested in having sex. I wanted to simply improve my social skills and get over the fear of talking to strangers. It was all a lesson in social dynamics for me, not a shortcut to sex.

Now that I’m engaged and two days away from my wedding, I’m so thankful to God for keeping me from this particular sexual sin. Never in my marriage with Megan will I be able to compare her to other women from my past. I imagine that’s an important ingredient in a happy marriage.

Many gifts will be given on Saturday. But for me, there’s no greater gift I can give my wife on our wedding day than my sexual purity.

I was inspired to do this by reading up on some of the philosophies of 12-step programs (e.g., Alcoholics Anonymous). One of the 12 steps in all of these programs is to make amends to all the people you’ve wronged in the past. I thought this was a worthy undertaking for anyone – not just people in a 12-step program. It was a very Christian thing to do.

It’s true that God will forgive your sins if you ask for forgiveness, and that Jesus paid the penalty of those sins on the cross – but just asking God for forgiveness doesn’t make things right with the person you’ve wronged. As best we can, we should make restitution for the harm we’ve caused others. And that’s where amends come in.

I’ve made an extensive list of people I would like to make amends to. Not only people I’ve harmed during my youth, but some I’ve harmed in my professional life as an adult. In the next few weeks, I will be contacting these people and making it a priority to make amends with them – not only ask them for forgiveness, but also do whatever is in my power to make things right between us.

To start things off, I thought way back to my early childhood, living in Arlington, Virginia. The earliest episode of wrongdoing I can remember is when I stole toys from a local drug store after piano lessons. On the way home from the piano teacher’s place, my mom would often take us to People’s Drugstore (now CVS). I remember two occasions when I opened the package of a G.I. Joe figure and shoplifted the figure out of the store. One was a Cobra Eel frogman figure, and the other was Copperhead the driver of the Water Moccasin vehicle.

I’m not totally sure the Cobra Eel was shoplifted, but am definitely sure Copperhead was, as I thought long and hard as a child how I could remove the figure from the vehicle box without being seen by anyone. And that was the second time I had stolen a figure.

When I got home that evening, I used the same lie as the first time. I went outside, then ran back inside the house feigning excitement and claiming I had “found” the figure outside in the yard. I guess my mom thought it was too coincidental for me to find two brand new G.I. Joe figures in the yard in a short amount of time, so she called me out on my lie and was furious that I had apparently stolen the toy.

Overwhelmed with guilt that evening, I spilled my guts to my mom, while crying on the couch. She forgave me and, I believe, took the toy from me, or made me give it to my cousin Robby. I’m not totally clear on what happened to it, other than I never got to play with it.

God forgave me of that sin of theft, but every time I think back upon it, I feel paralyzed with embarrassment. Which is why I finally felt the need to make amends for it – albeit 25 years later.

To the best of my ability, I’ve tried to locate where that People’s Drugstore used to be. Naturally, it would now be a CVS, but I didn’t know where in Arlington it was. I asked my family if they remembered, but none really could. Jamie did suggest one possible location of a CVS on Glebe Road that was close to the vicinity where we lived.

I went to the CVS this afternoon and had a very awkward conversation with the manager.

I walked in and asked one of the clerks if I could speak with the manager. Soon after, a Middle Eastern woman came out and asked me how she could help. Stumbling on my words, I told her I had a very strange story to tell her. I told her (within earshot of several customers and employees) that I had come to this store when I was a child and shoplifted toys. I felt bad about that and was here to make restitution for my theft. I took out $40 from my wallet and handed it to her.

She was dumbstruck. She asked me why I bothered. I told her that I was a Christian and felt bad for my previous thefts and was here to make amends. I took out a Gospel of John and handed it to her. “It’s what Jesus would want me to do,” I said. She told me she would be right back.

She returned after several long minutes with another woman – her supervisor. She had explained the story to her supervisor, and the supervisor asked me to repeat the story. I did. She smiled and thanked me for the effort, but said I should give the money to a church instead. She said that God sees everything and that He knows I’m sorry. I told her I already give money to my church and that this money was for the store to make up for the money it lost from my shoplifting.

The supervisor didn’t know what to say. Eventually, she exclaimed that no one had ever done this before. She accepted the money, and I left the store.

I’m not sure what effects my action may have. I certainly feel like I can put that episode of shoplifting behind me and never be embarrassed by it again. As for the two women I spoke with… one of them seemed to be a church-going Christian, while the Middle Eastern woman just remained silent and observed what was going on. I can only hope that my action may spark up a spiritual discussion between the two women. And just maybe one of them will read the Gospel of John I gave her.

And the reason I’m blogging about these events is to inspire other Christians to think back on their past and make restitution with people they’ve harmed. You never know how God will use that.

God forgives sins, and if you’re a Christian, Jesus has paid for your sins (past, present, and future) already. But it’s up to you to set things right with the people you’ve harmed.

… Jesus said to them, “It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
- Mark 2:17

“I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.”
- Luke 15:7

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
- Romans 3:23

The only ones who will receive the benefit of Jesus’ payment on the cross are those who are humble enough to admit they need a savior. If you refuse to believe you need a savior, or believe you can earn your way to Heaven by being a good person, then Jesus is not for you. You will be judged on your “good works” rather than Jesus’ good works. And how can you possibly compare to Christ? Humble yourself and cling to Christ. Become a loser for Jesus and live forever.

[Note: The title of this blog post was inspired/stolen from the song "Jesus is for Losers" by Steve Taylor.]

As humans, we desire to be self-reliant and autonomous. But when we hurt someone else, we have feelings of guilt that don’t coincide with our autonomous lifestyle. Why do we care whether or not we’ve harmed someone? It’s survival of the fittest, right? We just need to look out for ourselves. Right?

The fact is, we all feel a sense of guilt when we harm other people. This is not a product of our environment and upbringing. We have guilt, because each one of us is imprinted with a moral code and a conscience that notifies us when we’ve broken that code. The moral code is written in our hearts. And it was written by God.

No one can claim that murder, rape, and hatred are neutral actions. We all know they are wrong. We are all aware of the difference between good and evil.

When we break the moral law written in our hearts, we rightly feel guilty. If we continue to ignore our conscience, eventually it will wear out and cease to notify us of our transgression. The Bible calls this the hardening of the heart. Sociopaths and serial killers fall into this category. Hitler would fall into this category. These are people whose hearts are so hardened that they no longer view their obvious sins as wrong. In fact, anyone who lives unrepentantly contrary to God’s moral law would fall into this category. You probably know someone who does this. You may even be one.

So, what do we do with our guilt? We’ve all broken the moral code within us, as well as the expressly written code of conduct in the Bible. No one is guiltless in the matter of sin. Anyone who claims to be without sin only needs to examine the 10 Commandments to find himself guilty of breaking God’s laws.

Ultimately, the question we have to ask ourselves is how can a sinner like me enter Heaven? How good do you have to be to enter Heaven?

Well, here’s the bad news… You have to be perfect.

“Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
– Matthew 5:48

“For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.”
- Matthew 5:20

“There is none righteous, not even one; there is none who understands, there is none who seeks for God.”
- Romans 3:10-11

God is holy, and we are not. God demands holiness, and we can never be holy on our own. No amount of prayers, penance, or praise-worthy actions will ever make up for the fact that you are not perfect. Just one sin keeps us from ever living up to the perfect standard of God.

So, if you have to be perfect to get to Heaven, who could possibly get there?

Well, here’s the good news… Jesus was perfect.

“And having been made perfect, He [Jesus] became to all those who obey Him the source of eternal salvation.”
- Hebrews 5:9

“For by one offering He has perfected for all time those who are sanctified.”
- Hebrews 10:14

You see, we will never be perfect on our own. But Jesus lived a perfect life for our benefit, and it’s only with Him as our representative that we can be seen as perfect in God’s eyes. We don’t deserve to go to Heaven, but because Jesus was perfect and paid for our sins, God no longer sees our sins as ours, but as Jesus’. God punished Jesus on the cross for all of our sins – past, present, and future – so that we could escape punishment. That is why we are now seen by God as perfect.

It’s through Jesus’ perfect life, punishment, death, and resurrection that we have attained perfection. It’s not our own perfection, but Jesus’ that will get us into Heaven.

So, if you’re looking to make up for your sins by doing good deeds, stop it. You can never make up for your sins. Instead, trust in Jesus’ payment for your sins to remove your guilt and provide you with the necessary perfect status before God.

This was a free gift from God – not something you earn. If you try to earn it, you lose it. The only way you can get to Heaven is through Jesus Christ’s perfection.

“But to the one who does not work, but believes in Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is credited as righteousness.”
- Romans 4:5

EFFECT of Salvation = Works
“Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself. But someone may well say, “You have faith and I have works; show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works.”
- James 2:17-18

Works are only necessary as an evidence of faith. But the only requirement for salvation is faith. Once you put Works into the CAUSE category, you have a false gospel, of which Paul says…

“… even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to what we have preached to you, he is to be accursed!”
- Galatians 1:8

The difference between CAUSE and EFFECT in the matter of salvation is of eternal significance.

We tend not to be bold in our sports predictions, because we’ll lose face if we’re wrong. But if we knew for certain who would win, we would tell the world who we were rooting for, bet all the money we had, and be the proudest, wealthiest person in the world when our team wins it all.

Well, here’s a news flash… God wins in the end.

Jesus WILL return and establish His Kingdom. He WILL separate the wheat from the chaff and throw the chaff into the fire. This is a fact. This is what is going to happen when Jesus returns. Every Christian should know this with 100% certainty.

The problem is we don’t have faith in what the Bible says to be true. Though we think Jesus triumphs in the end, we don’t live our lives in a way that expresses this belief. Instead, we look around us and see a world that does not believe in Jesus or obey Him as Lord, so we become bashful and keep our beliefs to ourselves. We certainly don’t want to go out on a limb expressing these beliefs, then find out we’re wrong. That would be embarrassing.

We also see life as an 80-year process. It’s a long road — so we’ll get to the religion stuff towards the end. Assuming we live that long. Because EVERYONE dies of old age, right?

Well, here’s another news flash… The end is near.

Does that sound fanatical? Do I sound like a crazy person on the sidewalk with a cardboard sign? That’s what John the Baptist sounded like — and we see what happened with his prediction.

Faith is being bold about a truth only you seem to know. Being willing to be perceived by those around you as a crazy person. Accepting the fact that you will be mocked and discriminated against — and being okay with that, because you know, in the end, you’ll be on the winning side.

“For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will also be ashamed of him when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels.” – Mark 8:38

How differently would you live your life, if you knew Jesus was coming tomorrow? What would you stop doing? What would you start doing? If He was coming over for dinner, what would you discard from your house? If He was going to review your personal finances, what expenses would you try to hide? How much more would you tithe? If He asked you how you spent your time, what would you honestly say? What would you like to say?

Here are two certainties: 1) You are going to die, or 2) Jesus will return before you die. Either way, the end is near. You have about 80 total years on this earth to know God, obey Him, and make Him known to others.

What are you waiting for? It’s time to go all in.

In the same way, a human life is only as valuable as what someone will pay for it. Couples pay twenty thousand dollars to adopt or artificially conceive a child. Wealthy relatives pay millions to ransom their kidnapped loved ones. And an individual will make any payment required to get the surgery he needs to stay alive. In fact, there’s probably no more valuable object in this universe than a human life.

But the world sometimes forgets this and puts the value of selfish comfort, business, natural resources, land, and politics above human life — which has been the cause of wars and bloodshed throughout history. In these cases, human life doesn’t really seem valuable at all. It seems that life is valued on a relative scale. Sometimes it’s of value, and sometimes it’s worthless. Is there any way to know for sure the value of life?

I believe so. Again, the value of something is based on how much someone is willing to pay for it. One Man paid the ultimate price in order to save the lives of many.

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to Earth in human form in order to live a perfect life, die a physical death, and pay the ultimate spiritual price of receiving God’s wrath upon himself, so that you and I could be freed from the penalty of our sins and live eternally with Him in Heaven.

In John 3:16, it says, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” It says in Romans 5:8 that, “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Don’t miss what that verse in Romans says… “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” That means when we were still hostile towards God and religion and couldn’t care less about Jesus, He still died for us.

Do you want to know what your value is? While the people you walk past in the mall, or the people driving on the highway beside you, or even the country’s government all seem to see you as nothing more than an obstacle, nuisance, or money source, there is Someone who values you above His own life. As unlovely as you and I feel each day, there is Someone who loves you immensely — a Friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). Jesus loves you, even when others don’t.

You are more valuable than you know. Jesus didn’t die for a political cause, or to acquire land, wealth, resources, or power. Jesus died for you. So that you could live.

You’re that valuable.

Conquer Your Fear, Share Your Faith by Ray Comfort & Kirk Cameron

For Men Only by Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn
Great insights on women — how they think, communicate, and feel appreciated. Important for any man to read.
Grade: B

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
Interesting reading for me. Many Christian women read this book, so I felt it was necessary to find out what they’re being told about men. Pretty much right on.
Grade: B

The Five Love Languages Singles Edition by Gary Chapman
Excellent book on how people express love to (and receive love from) other people. If you can’t seem to communicate your love effectively to other people, then you’re probably not speaking their love language. Learn to identify your own love languages and discover the love languages of others. Whether it’s words of affirmation, touch, quality time, gift giving, or acts of service, once you become familiar with the 5 love languages, you will find it much easier to express love and appreciation to other people.
Grade: A

Found: God’s Will by John MacArthur
Read this a couple times, because it’s so short. John gives 5 or 6 concrete steps in the Bible for finding God’s will for your life. Then surprises you with a final principle for discovering God’s will for specific concerns in your life. This book cleared up any doubt I had regarding God’s will for me in the coming months.
Grade: A

But in my ever-growing hunger for knowledge — especially on the topic of relationships — I figured I would have to familiarize myself with the 5 love languages at some point. So I got the book this week and finished it moments ago.

I admit I was wrong. This turned out to be an important book that I believe all people should read. Not only will it help you in your romantic relationships, but with all relationships in general (family, coworkers, friends).

Similar to secular self-help books that say everyone has a preferred “sense” in which they tend to communicate best (e.g., visual, audible, tactile), Gary Chapman — the book’s author — suggests that everyone gives and receives love in one of 5 ways (read: love languages). These five languages are…

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

Should you not recognize the love language of your romantic partner, friend, or colleague, you risk building conflict in the relationship through their perceived lack of love coming from you. If the way you choose to show love and appreciation is not the way the person wants or is capable of feeling love, then your efforts are in vain.

For example, if the other person’s love language is Words of Affirmation, all of your sacrificial service or gift-giving is not going to make up for the lack of verbal affirmation the person craves. Likewise, if the other person’s love language is Quality Time, then all of the encouraging emails and bouquets of flowers aren’t going to make up for the lack of love they perceive from the little quality time you spend together.

Right away, I knew what my weakest areas of showing love were… Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. For most of my life, I was very distant in my relationships with other people. I was distant verbally (didn’t often talk, much less provide encouragement to other people), and I was distant physically (wasn’t much of a hugger). And I certainly didn’t like to do acts of service — not even service that acted in my own interest, not to mention others’ interests.

If I was good at any of these languages, it was gift-giving (I love to give stuff away) and quality time (I love to spend time with the people I love).

As it turns out, my primary love language is Quality Time. I both love to give and receive quality time with those I love. I can’t think of a better way to experience the love of another person than having the chance to hang out with that person for long periods of time.

Secondarily, I think I also respond well to Words of Affirmation. I’m not totally convinced about that, as I tell myself I don’t care what other people think of me or what I do — but I’m sure much of that is bravado, and that I really do appreciate it when others publicly appreciate me.

Aside: If someone wanted to make me feel unloved, all that person would need to do is stop hanging out or communicating with me. (Can’t help but laugh at this, given my recent personal circumstances. It explains so much.)

The challenge for me is learning to identify the love languages of other people, then using their love languages to communicate my love and appreciation for them. As I said earlier, I have a lot of work to do in certain areas. The biggest of which I think is Words of Affirmation. I’ve grown up with and around such cynical, critical people that it’s hard for me to say something encouraging to someone without sounding disingenuous to myself. That’s just something I’ll have to get over.

Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis [audiobook]
Interesting retelling of the myth of Psyche and an allegory for fallen man’s view of Christians. I wasn’t personally that interested in the story, especially because it wasn’t a clear, one-to-one allegory, but included lots of complex themes and plot points. Might like it more, if I read the book rather than listened to the audiobook.
Grade: C

C. S. Lewis’s Case for Christ by Art Lindsley
This was the first book on my reading list for the C.S. Lewis Institute’s Basic Apologetics course. I read it in one night, because it’s written in such a quick, easy style. It was fascinating to see how much insight Lewis had on the Christian life — even though the author rightly points out an example where Lewis was wrong about his interpretation of Scripture. Great insight into the theological mind of C.S. Lewis.
Grade: B

Choosing God’s Best by Dr. Don Raunikar
My first exposure to the counter-dating practice of courting. This book took on a much more personal importance to me, because I was/am going through this courting process. The book presents a biblical view of finding a marriage partner, contrary to the modern view of dating. The author explains how dating can be destructive to your future marriage, and how the Bible provides a less emotionally, physically, and spiritually damaging way of finding a marriage partner — which is courting. Revolutionary to my view of love & dating.
Grade: A

How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud [audiobook]
An alternative view of dating, directly contradictory to the ideas of courting. Dr. Cloud (best known for his Boundaries books) suggests that Christians should date many people in order to build social skills and eventually find out what they really want in a mate. He suggests going out with people — not because you’re interested in them — but because you need practice interacting with people. Something about this seemed disingenuous to me and very self-centered. Dr. Cloud also had very little biblical backing for any of his arguments. He approached the subject from a very secular, psychological point of view, rather than basing his views on Scripture.
Grade: D

Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) by Joshua Harris
Excellent exposition of the topic of lust. Joshua Harris talks about his struggles with lust and how he deals with it. Very short, but effective. Every guy should read this.
Grade: A

Wait for Me by Rebecca St. James
I thought this was going to be inspiring, but it rather seemed somewhat childish. Granted, it was written for young adults (i.e., teenagers) by a young adult (Christian musician Rebecca St. James). James is a virgin, who uses her celebrity to champion abstinence — which is awesome. I just didn’t feel as though she was an authority on the subject as I was reading her book, due to her age and “lack of experience.” Also, the majority of her scripture “quotes” were taken from The Message, which is a pretty poor “watered down” translation of the Bible. I just was not into it.
Grade: D

Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris [audiobook]
I’m starting to really like Josh Harris’ style. This is an excellent book on courtship (even better than Choosing God’s Best), with more real-world examples taken from Harris’ own courtship with his now-wife. Incredibly good advice for couples pursuing marriage through courtship.
Grade: A

The speaker insinuated that we could attain righteousness through our own efforts. That through training and discipline, we could become righteous and live lives full of joy and peace.

Whatever this ideal life is, it’s certainly clear that people like the Apostle Paul never attained it. Paul clearly wrestled with his fallen nature and never suggested anyone could live a righteous life through their own power.

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

- Romans 7:18-20

Today’s speaker didn’t mention anything about the limitations of our fallen natures and our total reliance on Christ to sanctify and redeem our lives to prepare us for good works. Want to be righteous? There are no tips and tricks. Ask God to make you righteous. All of your unrighteous living is due to an unrighteous heart and your fallen nature. There’s nothing you can do to change those. You need God to do it for you.

So, instead of telling people that they can affect their righteousness through behavior-modification, you should be driving people to their knees, asking God to make them more Christ-like by changing their hearts, and thus enabling them to do good works and live “righteous” lives. Instead of depending on ourselves, we should be depending on God.

And you shouldn’t set the expectation that people can attain totally righteous lives in a fallen body and a fallen world. That’s not possible. We won’t be capable of that until Christ returns and we have new, righteous bodies.

Like Paul, we should expect to fight a constant battle between our desires to serve God and the desires of our flesh. We will never overcome this until Heaven.

Thank God our righteousness is not based on our own behavior, but is solely based on Christ’s behavior. His perfect righteousness is ours by faith alone. When you find yourself sinning and in the midst of guilt, just have faith in Christ’s righteousness and be grateful that you will always be considered righteous in God’s eyes, because of what Christ did for you.

Thanksgiving is God’s will for God’s people because when we give thanks for who God is and what God has done in our lives, there is no room for jealousy of what others’ have, no room for complaining about what we lack. Even in times of deepest sorrow, there is a joy that rises up on the heart when praise comes even with tears. Thanksgiving makes the heart full of gladness which overflows from our lives and spills out into acts of kindness and generosity. When we are grateful, we cannot help but share our gratitude. And this is the will of God for our lives.

- From “In Everything Give Thanks” by Margaret Manning

A true belief that we are the body of Christ should rule out all jealousy, competitiveness, and comparisons. If a good thing happens to one part of the body, it enriches you as a member of the same body. Ask yourself a question: Would you be just as happy for the Christian in the pew in front of you to receive a spiritual blessing from God as you would be if you received it yourself? If you’re like me, you probably answered no. But I believe that the answer to this question could be a resounding “yes” if we prized the doctrine of the body of Christ. Think of how your joy could be magnified if you considered the good of others your own good!

- From “Called to Thanksgiving” by Betsy Childs

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
- Matthew 11:28-30

The next 90 days will be a lonely time for me. Not to say the past four years haven’t been. But to be so close to having godly companionship in recent weeks makes its imminent absence all the more potent.

I will be forsaking dating for the next three months. Not by choice, but by necessity. And while the prospect of going it alone is disappointing, I am encouraged by the fact that I’ve so recently flourished during a 4-month abstinence of worldly pleasures and can only hope this 3-month time of solitude will yield similar results.

I don’t believe God is done working with me. I think the circumstance I find myself in today is just another test of faith He’s placed in my life this year.

Since May, He has tested my commitment in many areas of life… my material possessions, my finances, my time, my church attendance/membership, my accountability to and fellowship with members of the Church, my struggle with lust and covetousness, my vocation, and my daily communion with God through Bible reading and prayer. One of the last areas in my life that has not been under the authority of Christ has been my dating life. And that seems to be the next step.

Like Abraham, God provided me with my heart’s desire after much prayer and sacrifice. But it was only to show me how He could bless me, if I made Him lord over everything in my life. Today, when He asked me to forsake the very thing I desired most for a season, I felt like Abraham did, when God told him to sacrifice his one and only son, Isaac — the one thing Abraham loved most.

I can only hope that I’ll show the same faith Abraham did, when he trusted God and was willing to sacrifice his son in obedience to God. I believe the next 90 days is my time to sacrifice my hopes and dreams and trust God that, in the end, he will provide.

It may seem today like the next three months will be a lonely time for me. But looking at the past year, I’m confident God is eager to use this time to sanctify and shape me into a more effective servant. After stripping away all the distractions in my life, I am forced to turn completely towards God. I have no other option but to spend time in prayer and reading His Word. He’s left me with nothing else.

If I can focus on God, I’m confident He’ll have something abundantly greater than I could have hoped or dreamed for on the other side of these 90 days.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
- Ephesians 3:20-21

I thought this would change once the NFL preseason started. For the first Redskins game of the preseason, I turned my TV on for the first time in 4 months, watched a couple of plays, then turned it off promptly once the first commercial began to roll.

Being away from television programming and advertisements for 4 months has made me very sensitive to the purpose and affect of advertising. I couldn’t even stand to watch one commercial, because it seemed so contrary to the life and worldview I’ve been establishing and fostering for the past 4 months.

My life this summer has been all about detaching myself from the love of material possessions, living a minimalistic lifestyle, and finding complete satisfaction and fulfillment from knowing and serving God.

The whole point of advertising is to make you dissatisfied with your life. Advertising takes advantage of your materialistic tendancies — the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life — all things the Bible warns you about.

Advertising promotes exactly the wrong things in life. Especially the advertisements you’ll see during football games. Whether it’s sex, cars, or wealth/retirement, these advertisements have nothing to offer the Christian man or woman, but hindrances to their spiritual walk.

And it’s only after being away from it for 4 months, that I can see advertising for what it is. Which is why I encourage every Christian to take an extended break from television — a “fast” if you will — to break away from the psychological hold advertising has in your life.

Not only will a fast from advertising help you be more content with the life you have, but the absence of television in your life will free up your time for other — more noble — things like family, reading, and prayer.

I didn’t set out to take an extended break from television. But I’m glad it’s turned out that way. I’m going to try and increase this 4-month blackout to an entire year. Yes, that means I’ll miss the NFL season, and yes, that means I’ll miss my favorite shows. But the time I’ll now have for daily Bible reading, prayer, friendships, and family will be more precious than anything television has to offer.

Wherever I am now, it’s definitely not my traditional role of being single. There have been several changes in my attitude and daily routines that scream loudly that I am no longer single.

There’s a joke saying (albeit true) amongst Christian men to “bounce their eyes” when they see an attractive woman who is not their wife/fiancee. Even though I’m not officially anything but single, I do find myself engaging in this practice today. Not only do I feel compelled to “bounce my eyes” at times, but I also feel compelled to “bounce my life.”

I’ve been single for a long time (it’s been 4 years since my last serious relationship). In that time, I’ve learned to be completely open to any and every opportunity to meet women. In essence, I’ve come to view every single woman I crossed paths with as a potential partner. I would be open to conversation and would initiate as many interactions as possible. This is how I became such a social person (as opposed to the extremely shy & quiet person I’ve been all my life).

Whether at work, at church, on the subway, or in the grocery store, I viewed all single woman as potential friends and dating partners. It became second nature for me to strike up conversations with absolutely anyone (except guys, which is a whole ‘nother blog post). I didn’t think twice to initiate.

But now, I find myself going against all of that social programming, as I’m trying to focus on one person. Despite my overwhelming compulsion to greet every female stranger I meet, I’m learning to “bounce my eyes.” Instead of flirting, I’m learning to be completely neutral in my conversations with other women.

I’ve even changed my daily routines. I no longer leave my condo at 8:15 AM, because I typically cross paths with a girl in the elevator, who I’ve flirted with on many occasions. I also don’t schedule one-on-one lunches with single females in the office anymore.

I don’t know what all of this means, other than the fact that I’m waiting to see if one particular “relationship” works out. I suppose it’s good to break old habits now, in order to have a successful relationship in the future.

I just wish there were a Facebook status for where I am right now.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Out of sight, out of mind.

Both can be said to justify specific circumstances, but both cannot in fact be absolutely true.

Another apparent paradox exists with these sayings…

Birds of a feather flock together.
Opposites attract.

I say “apparent” because while these both can apply to dating, they can also apply to friendships with the same sex, etc.

However, when it comes to finding a potential spouse, should you be looking for someone who is very much like you (in personality, interests, talents, vocation, and calling?), or should you look for an opposite?

I have never heard concrete, biblical guidance on this subject. But thanks to a book I just finished and the expository commentary of John MacArthur, I discovered this evening that we should, indeed, be looking for an opposite. Seriously, it’s in the Bible.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
- Genesis 2:18

According to Dr. Don Raunikar in his book Choosing God’s Best, “The Hebrew word translated ‘suitable’ literally means ‘opposite.’ God’s plan is to bring us a mate who can support us where we are weak and fill in the gaps where our own lives have holes.”

John MacArthur confirms this interpretation in his study Bible: “The words of this verse emphasize man’s need for a companion, a helper, and an equal. He was incomplete without someone to complement him in fulfilling the task of filling, multiplying, and taking dominion over the earth. This points to Adam’s inadequacy, not Eve’s insufficiency. Woman was made by God to meet man’s deficiency.”

So, someone like me shouldn’t be looking for someone who is identical to me — someone who has the same personality traits and interests. I should be looking for someone who would make a good companion and be strong in the areas that I am weak.

This brings up another cliche, though… You complete me. You always hear that you should not be trying to find someone to “complete” you, as you will be codependent. But what’s wrong with codependency? Is that not how God designed marriage? For two people to become one & depend on each other?

After my reading tonight, I no longer fear pursuing someone who is different from me.