Oprah says, “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.”  Belonging to a coaching circle is one effective way to do just that.

Simply put, a coaching circle is a small group of individuals with common goals who want to work on those goals in a supportive and motivating environment. At formally structured working meetings, all members have their turn in the “hot seat” during which the rest of the group serves as that person’s Board of Advisors. Group members offer each other honest feedback, brainstorming, cheerleading and much needed truth-telling.  In the numerous coaching circles I have facilitated for my own business as well as iRelaunch, I have seen deep, trusting relationships develop contributing to tremendous professional and personal progress.

Coaching circles facilitated by a trained and experienced coach is ideal. The coach serves as leader, moderator and brings specialized tools and resources. Sometimes due to cost or availability, having a coach lead the group doesn’t work. In those cases, I would much rather see women pull together a DIY Coaching Circle then skip the experience altogether.

Here are my tips for putting together a group that will keep you motivated and in forward action:

1. Choose a well-matched group of individuals. The goal is to create a safe and courageous space where members can set big goals, take risks, and know that the other members have their back. Confidentiality is a must.
2. Set up the structure and expectations for the group. Questions to consider: How many members? Length of each meeting? Who will be the leader/timekeeper or does that rotate? What you are looking for from each other? Will there be specific topics you focus on each session, or more free-form? What kind of prep should members do before meetings? What will be the communication in between?
3. Determine the format for each meeting. I have found it helpful to decide on the amount of time for group check-in, how much time each person will have in the “hot seat”, and then amount of time for closing that session. We use a timer so that each person has the same amount of hot seat time to bring their wins and challenges to the group.
4. Train each member to use her time in the hot seat wisely. She should articulate what she needs during that session (“someone to kick my butt into action”, “encouragement”, “another set of eyes on this cover letter or business plan”) and what she hopes to walk away with. It is always most helpful to be crystal clear what you are asking for from the group.
5. Close with each person committing to specific actions they will focus on between now and the next session. The group should challenge each woman to set stretch goals – something bigger than she would have set on her own but still attainable. And the leader should track these commitments so at the start of the next meeting each person can report back on what she accomplished relative to the goals set. Accountability to the group is a strong motivator.

Due to the challenges of schedules, my coaching circles usually meet in person 1-2 times/month. However, I find that the members benefit between sessions by knowing that they will soon be reporting on their progress to the group. And, they are highly motivated by witnessing each others’ momentum.

Brian Carruthers says “You are, or will become, the average of the five people you associate with the most.” This is particularly important when you are taking a big leap with your career. Who can you associate with to keep you clear and in action?

It had been a while since I was in this preschool – my boys are now 14, 12 and 10. Looking back, it was a complicated time in my life; so many adjectives come to mind… sweet, intense, exhausting, ever-changing. Doesn’t Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, say that “the days are long, but the years are short”?

One thing I do remember very clearly from that sleep-deprived fog was the feeling that I had little sense what I wanted to be when I grew up (that is, when my kids grew up or at least got to “real” school). Following the births of my first two kids, I had negotiated several great flexible work arrangements before hitting the career pause button when my third son was born. My gut told me it was time to catch my breath as I now had three kids under the age of 5 and wasn’t completely engaged in the content of my work.

For the next few years I proceeded to live with the nagging question of what I would do when returning to work.  After all, I had always had some kind of job, as far back as babysitting in middle school.  While busy defining myself as a parent, I was also redefining myself as a person without paid work. Sociologist Pamela Stone does a great job looking at this in her book Opting Out.

Back to my audience…Taking a break from the typical topics they discussed weekly such as toilet training, discipline, eating, playdates, the mothers I met with began to look inward. How had becoming a mother changed their relationship to work? What was their professional identity now and what lay ahead?

We began our session with a quick Wheel of Life assessment, which provides a holistic snapshot of how satisfied one is with 8 main areas of their life, including career. Then we moved into a discussion of how to stay relevant while on career break, even without complete clarity of what was next and when.

This is the kind of thing no one teaches you when your kids are in nursery school. We do our best to prepare for parenthood, but don’t usually spend a lot of time anticipating the impact on our professional identity and aspirations.

Here were my Top 5 Tips for Parents on Career Break:

1. Update your resume, NOW. Even if you don’t plan to use it any time soon, you must capture what has happened to date. I can think of several clients that really struggled years later to recall the details of a position (dates, specific title, details of key accomplishments). Get it down now while it is fresh.
2. Keep in touch with old contacts and connected to your industry. This applies if you are expecting to return to your previous profession or considering making a change. Today with LinkedIn, it is easier than ever to stay passively connected to people from your professional past. Keeping a presence on the social networks, as well as real live connectivity, is important because one day you will likely need those contacts, or better yet, you may be able to help them.
3. Pay attention to what interests you. I find that my clients coming back from career break often return to work that is different than what they left. This is because we change and grow and our professional interests evolve. Even if returning to work does not seem likely in the very near future, keep a “someday maybe” file of professional work that interests you. Evernote is a great way to capture and organize your clippings. One day you will pull out this file and see themes emerging. Kind of like a file you keep for that “someday maybe” kitchen renovation!
4. Volunteer strategically. Choose your community work wisely. Work in the community is a great way to explore a new field or keep your existing skills sharp. Often times substantial volunteer work that shows leadership and accomplishment can nicely fill employment gaps on a resume.
5. Get support when you are ready to relaunch. Yes, it’s true: the longer you are out the harder it is to return due to a combination of external and internal obstacles. But it is totally do-able and often my clients are more satisfied with their work than ever before. Check out iRelaunch’s website for a collection of inspiring success stories. Support can come from a trained coach such as myself, or a dedicated friend, mentor or family member who will commit time to your progress.  When you find yourself lacking clarity or momentum, just remember you don’t need to do this alone!

The bottom line is that the years of being a mommy to young kids is unique and fleeting. It goes by so quickly. We all know that motherhood is all about juggling. So I invited my audience of predominantly newly SAHMs to juggle two opposing mindsets:  1) the ability to “be here now” and truly enjoy these precious years, with 2) the guts to peak ahead to the next chapter in their professional lives. It will be here before they know it!

Event Information:

WHEN: Tuesday, March 20, 2012, 6:30PM

WHERE: Sidley Austin LLP, 787 Seventh Avenue (between 51st & 52nd Streets). After checking in at the visitor’s desk in the lobby, please go to the 23rd floor conference center.

How do you advance your career while also balancing the responsibility of parenthood? It’s no easy task – but it’s up to you to actively craft your career path. MomCorps NYC President Stephanie Harbour ’05 will moderate a panel of career coaches who will share expertise on career planning for high-achieving professionals who are, or are planning to become, parents. Topics will include:

• How to handle maternity and paternity leaves
• How to change or maintain your role in a company when you become a parent
• Navigating office politics, especially in a non-family friendly company
• Balancing family and work commitments
• Climbing the corporate ladder and staying competitive in your career
• Re-entering the workforce after an extended leave

Both women and men at any career stage are encouraged to attend. But RSVP soon, as space is limited!

To learn more about PANYC membership, click here. For any questions about this event, please contact Cheryl Fitzgerald S’04cherylawal (at) gmail.com.

Other times the roadblock involves external obstacles. Yes some are big. However, surprisingly I find that even the most put-together working mothers can get very stuck and drained by small and petty annoyances.  You know, those little items that are not big enough to stop us in our tracks, but just linger on our to-do lists (and in our minds) for ages.

Tolerations: small (usually) petty annoyances that drain your energy

When left to accumulate in this way, these “tolerations” can take a large toll on our precious energy and concentration levels.  My clients are busy building careers and growing businesses  – so any kind of drag on their momentum comes with a cost. I always say that living with a long list of tolerations is like driving a car with one foot on the brake. And then we wonder why it’s taking so long to get to where we’re going!

Talane Miedaner writes about tolerations. She says that most of us are tolerating 60-100 things at any given point. Every time one of these tolerations comes to mind, and that little voice in your head says “I have to fix/deal with that”, mental energy is expended. Now multiply the energy lost by the times you have said that same thing to yourself. Aren’t you just tired thinking about it?

Here are a few categories of tolerations. Any sound familiar to you?

• Small things around the house or office (light bulb out, phone call that has to get returned).
• Something about yourself that is driving you crazy (bad habits such as the overflowing inbox, not having veggies cut up for healthy snacks in a hurry, a car that is a mess).
• Something about external situations (your spouse’s clothes left on the floor, kids who are now old enough to pitch in around the house but aren’t).

So what to do? How do we take this unnecessary weight off? First, recognize that some things may never get done, and let them go. But for the rest, get into action. During a recent session of my Momentum Coaching Circle, I had the group work through the following steps in clearing their tolerations:

1. Brain Dump your Tolerations (minimum of 25) – Make the scary list! I know, you say you already have a to-do list. But I want you to give yourself the gift of getting it ALL out of your head and onto paper. Even better, put it all in Evernote! This free and super-amazing app is my mental file cabinet and an indispensible tool for every working mom.
2. Cluster into Categories- By Action (i.e. fix, call, errand, organize) or by location (i.e rooms of house) or by time frame (i.e. easy to do, won’t get handled anytime soon).
3. Create a plan to get it done (select the people to enroll for help, set aside blitz hours or day).
4. Schedule it on your calendar (pick the time and protect it for this purpose).
5. Have someone to report back to and make sure you celebrate!

One bright client of mine likened tolerations to graffiti; a little bit is bearable, but when the growing amounts are left to accumulate, it takes over the wall.  What I want for my clients, and all working moms out there, is to have an emptier mind with much fewer tolerations.  Please create the habits that allow you to have the energy and clear mind to be your best self in work and life.

Imagine…. these young women are about to embark on a very exciting chapter of their professional lives – that first job out of grad school – and they are already looking ahead to a future chapter which includes the combination of working and raising a family. They know that their work/life fit will take many twists and turns and they want to choose a progressive employer with this in mind.

I was recently invited to begin writing for WorkingMother.com and entitled my blog “A Career That Works”.  This name is based on my conviction that fulfilling and satisfying work IS possible throughout the career span, recognizing that our definition of success changes during each chapter of our lives. And our description of “what works” is extremely individual and very fluid. Success during some chapters may mean working insanely hard, while other times may involve dialing down or completely hitting the career pause button. I advise my clients to get crystal clear on their personal definition of success and to make choices in alignment with their most important values.   And I help employers attract, develop, retain and promote these key women throughout their varied career stages.

As the study points out, the Working Mother Top 100 is a great place to start when evaluating how supportive an organization might be.  But what if the company you work for (or are considering joining) is not on that list? This study looks at what any company can do regardless of size. The good news is that even in the absence of formalized programs or policies common in bigger companies, environments can be nurtured that are beneficial to working parents, or any employee, seeking a healthy integration of work and life.

This white paper may have been written for the benefit of newly graduating MBAs, but I beleive it has great relevance to any woman assessing her potential for success within a company, and for employers that want to demonstrate their commitment to this very important talent pool.

I would love to hear your opinions on the findings of this study. Please visit my Resources Page to read this fascinating piece.  Do you agree? What else needs to be included in this conversation?  And how can we as women elevate the issues raised by these three insightful grad students who are about to leap back into the workforce?

Yesterday, I was reflecting on a workshop I led this week for Goldman Sachs’ 2011 Returnship class.  Similar to an internship, the Returnship program is a ten-week prep program to help accomplished professional women transition back into the paid workforce after a career break. I was brought in to help these women take a big-picture snapshot of their life today so that they can better anticipate opportunities and obstacles associated with their relaunch.

One hot topic we discussed was how shaking up the status quo takes real guts and often provokes what we in the coaching world call “Saboteurs” or “Inner Critics”.  The Wall Street Journal even describes how prevalent this is.

These little voices in our head are sneaky and usually very nasty. They speak to us in a critical tone typically reserved for our worst enemy.  Think back to a time when you contemplated reaching for something out of your comfort zone.  Now, fill in the blanks:

They make us feel like failure is guaranteed, so why not play it safe and put off even trying in the first place. Tim Ferris, author of The Four Hour Work Week says it well:

“Uncertainty and the prospect of failure can be very scary noises in the shadows.  Most people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty.”

I like to use the “School Bus” metaphor to illustrate for clients how disruptive unchecked saboteurs can be. And for my session at Goldman, I placed a little yellow die cast school bus on the conference table in front of me and said this:

“I want you to think of your saboteurs as bratty little kids riding on a school bus. They are jumping around in their seats and making a ruckus.  The bus driver is taking a new route to school, and they are panicked that the driver will get terribly lost.  They are so out of control that they are running up and down the aisles of the bus, and eventually push the driver out of the seat.  Now the bus is off its course.  You are the bus driver and you have lost control of the bus and where it is going.  The saboteurs are driving.”

Ever experienced this feeling?

The good news is, these voices are our much needed risk managers.  Their role is to protect us from taking unsafe risks (such as thinking we can fly, and therefore jumping off a skyscraper).  Now for the bad news: often they over-react and scare us away from achieving (or even setting!) the stretch goals so critical for professional and personal growth. This gang of bratty inner critics, much like rowdy kids on a school bus, take control and stop us from driving towards our dreams.

Take heart. Every human being, no matter how confident they may appear, wrestles with their own gang of saboteurs.  It is part of the human condition. (I am pretty sure my dog Lola does not struggle with any of this.)  If you are planning to ever go after something big in your life, might as well learn how to have a productive working relationship with your saboteurs.  You can’t get rid of them. Best-case scenario is that they are along for the ride, helping you avoid only the most dangerous situations.  Other than that, they are sitting nicely in their seats enjoying the view.

I teach my client the P.A.C.K. formula for managing their little demons:

Send that Saboteur P.A.C.K.ing:

1. P.ersonify and label the Saboteur: Is it a he or she? What does it look like? Where do you feel it in your body? Can you give it a name? Distinguish it from the real you.
2. A.cknowledge the small bit of truth the saboteur delivers.  Then say “Thank you for sharing”.
3. C.hallenge the part of their message that’s garbage. Ask yourself “What is the truth here, not the saboteur’s version?”.  Provide some evidence to disprove its argument.
4. K.ick it out or kindly ask it leave to the driver’s seat! Your saboteur can be on the bus, but not driving.

Don’t get me wrong; this isn’t easy.  It takes practice and will be a game you play your whole life.  So, here’s your assignment: Try to pay attention in your own life and be that awareness that notices the voice. Try the P.A.C.K. formula. BE THE BUS DRIVER.

Kudos to the women in the Returnship program.  They have taken some very significant first steps in challenging their saboteurs.  Not only did they get into action and apply to this program, but also they were chosen from hundreds of applicants.  Take that saboteurs!

TIME:  9:00am-5:00pm

LOCATION:  NYU Stern School of Business, 44 W 4th St, NY 10012

ABOUT:

I’m thrilled to have been invited to assist during the Assessing Your Career Options session at this event.  The conference is a one-day event at NYU’s Stern School of Business designed for experienced professionals who are looking for strategies and advice on restarting careers after time out of the workforce. I invite you to join me at this unique and valuable event!

Each participant leaves with the beginnings of a personalized return to work plan and a gift copy of Back on the Career Track, the acclaimed career reentry strategy book co-authored by iRelaunch co-founders Carol Fishman Cohen and Vivian Steir Rabin.  Join us for an exciting day of education, inspiration and networking with employer sponsors including Merrill Lynch Wealth Management, Accenture, Bloomberg, PWC and MIT Professional Education.

Held at a host university, the iRelaunch Return to Work Conference provides a natural gathering place for relaunchers to meet and learn about opportunities with local employers in a comfortable, educational setting.

Conference attendees are women and men who have taken time out of their careers for childcare, eldercare, pursuing a personal interest, or other reasons.

Regardless of why you took a career break, you’ll find practical advice and valuable contacts at the iRelaunch Return to Work Conference.

Harvard MBAs who successfully relaunched their own careers, Carol and Vivian have decades of work experience (and 9 children!) between them. They have shared their career reentry strategies and advice at more than 100 career reentry events, and are frequently quoted in the media.

• Are you a professional who has been out of the workforce for 1-20 years or more?
• Are you thinking about returning to work, but not sure what you want to do at this point in your life?
• Do you know what you want to do, but you’re worried about whether you’re marketable?
• Are you tired of answering online job ads and not getting any response?

If you answered yes, then attending this conference is for you.  Please visit iRelaunch’s website here for more information.

SAMPLING OF COMMENTS FROM PAST CONFERENCE ATTENDEES:

• “The day’s format was perfect with depth of content, time to network and occasions to learn and reflect.”

• “It was a tremendous confidence booster, without being intimidating. The workshops were thought provoking and revealing.”

• “I learned an enormous amount of information about the skills required to maneuver the internet job search process, local networking opportunities and creative marketing techniques for those ‘stay at home years.’”

• “Yesterday’s Conference was fabulous! Thank you both for providing such a forum, for your insights and experiences and for assembling amazing panels. The energy and enthusiasm in that room was contagious and I can honestly say that attending was one of the best things I’ve done as I seek to continue my career.”

COST AND SPECIAL DISCOUNT:

I am honored to be participating at this conference.  There is a special rate for associates of mine, which is $110 until September 4 and $130 thereafter (the regular fee is $160), and includes admission to all the day’s sessions, breakfast, lunch and a gift copy of Back on the Career Track.  To receive the special rate, enter Michelle Friedman in the “How did you hear about us?” box on the online registration form and you will receive a credit within 48 hours of registration.

In order to reserve your spot, register NOW!  Please book early, as places are limited.  Registration is on a first come, first served basis and last year’s NYU Conference sold out.

Hope to see you there.

TIME:  9:30am-12:30pm ET

LOCATION:  Scarsdale Public Library, 54 Olmstead Road, Scarsdale, NY  10583

TUITION: $60.00

INSTRUCTOR: Michelle Friedman, CPCC

ABOUT:

If you are a woman starting or growing a business, re-launching a career or taking your existing responsibilities to the next level, a concise plan is critical to your success. As life inevitably gets busy, your plan will be the GPS that pulls you back to the intentions you set and the specific results you hope to achieve. This class is based on One Page Business Plan® for Women in Business by Jim Horan & Tamara Monosoff. In this program, you will learn how to create a straightforward five-category plan covering the vision, mission, strategies, measurable objectives and high-payoff action items necessary to keep you moving along. You will walk away with increased clarity and motivation, and the start of your plan.

CLASS LIMITED TO TEN

To register for this event, please click HERE.

TIME:  9:30am-12:30pm ET

LOCATION:  Scarsdale Public Library, 54 Olmstead Road, Scarsdale, NY 10583

TUITION: $60.00

INSTRUCTOR: Michelle Friedman, CPCC

ABOUT:

Recent research has shown that awareness of your own strengths leads to greater self-confidence, life achievement and mental wellness. Yet most women have a hard time understanding or clearly articulating their strengths. This knowledge is invaluable throughout life, including times when you are leading others, considering career options, updating your resume or trying to run a harmonious household. Come learn more about strengths-theory, your individual strengths and how to apply this knowledge in your life. Content will be based on your results from Gallup’s StrengthsFinder 2.0, a scientifically grounded online assessment, which has been taken by more than 2 million people in 34 languages. Class limited to ten. Note: Prior to class, you will need to buy StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Tom Rath. The book contains a code for Gallup’s StrengthsFinder assessment which you will complete online. You will receive a personalized report which you should thoroughly review and bring to class.

To register for this event, please click HERE.

TIME:  9:30am-11:30am ET

LOCATION:  Scarsdale Public Library, 54 Olmstead Road, Scarsdale, NY 10583

TUITION: $150.00

INSTRUCTOR: Michelle Friedman, CPCC

ABOUT:

This three-part program is designed for women who are going places – such as launching or growing a business, returning to work, or taking on new professional responsibilities. In this program students will develop the confidence and self-awareness muscles that are critical when moving into uncharted waters. Gain an understanding of your personal values, learn to identify and manage self-limiting thoughts, discover strategies for making creative choices, and get ready to take action! Class limited to ten.

To register for this event, please click HERE.

TIME:  9:30am-11:30am ET

LOCATION:  Scarsdale Public Library, 54 Olmstead Road, Scarsdale, NY 10583

TUITION: $150.00

INSTRUCTOR: Michelle Friedman, CPCC

ABOUT:

This three-part program is designed for women who are going places – such as launching or growing a business, returning to work, or taking on new professional responsibilities. In this program students will develop the confidence and self-awareness muscles that are critical when moving into uncharted waters. Gain an understanding of your personal values, learn to identify and manage self-limiting thoughts, discover strategies for making creative choices, and get ready to take action! Class limited to ten.

To register for this event, please click HERE.

This summer I completed an intense certification program in New York City to become an MBTI Certified Practitioner. My purpose in attending was to bring another valuable coaching resource to my clients  – both 1-1 and teams.  I have watched my clients get a lot of value from working with StrengthsFinder, so I was eager to add another assessment tool to the toolbox.

My ENFJ sister.

I discovered that my type is ENFJ, which I believe is right on target and aligned with my work as a Professional Development Coach.  I received very detailed reports, and here is the gist: “People with ENFJ are highly attuned to others, using empathy to quickly understand emotional needs, motivations, and concerns.  Their focus is on supporting people and encouraging their growth”.  It is estimated that ENFJ’s are only 3% of the population, and I was thrilled to find out that Oprah and I are both in the ENFJ club!

MBTI results go very deep and really speak to your innate personality preference – how you are wired.  According to the theory behind the instrument, “When you understand your type preferences, you can approach your own work in a manner that best suits your style, including how you manage your time, problem solving, best approaches to decision making, and dealing with stress. Knowledge of type can help you deal with the culture of the place you work, the development of new skills, understanding your participation on teams, and coping with change in the workplace.”

Here were my big takeaways:

1. My results gave me confirmation of why I love my work so much, and an explanation of why my earlier career in Commercial Lending never felt like a great fit.
2. I now have a deeper sense of my strengths and the type of environments in which I thrive.
3. I also understand exactly what an ENFJ brings to a team – where my key value is and what roles I should play.  This explained why I so enjoyed my role on the WRT Women’s Retreat team.
4. I now know why I misunderstand some people whose type is very different than mine.  I am now able to reframe the disparity as differences, not problems, as there is no “best” type.
5. Knowing myself better gives me a clearer sense of where I should be directing my professional efforts for the future.

Overall, this has ben an incredibly valuable experience, and I can’t wait to introduce the MBTI to my clients.  The first step of course is to deeply understand your type.  But after that point, it is all about real-life application, which is so important in order to get the maximum ROI on the time and money spent.

So, what’s your MBTI type? How have you applied it? Please get in touch to inquire about MBTI Assessment & Debrief Packages.

If you had 1 minute to introduce yourself to someone new, what would you say?  Most people’s response ranges from boredom reporting the same old speech, to dread in having to explain their answer, especially if they are not particularly thrilled with what they would say.

First impressions are very powerful and set the stage for relationships to build upon.  Whether you are a woman who is working in an organizational environment, in your own business, or planning a return to the workplace, you need plenty of useful relationships to be successful. Relationships are critical in how we move ahead in life – particularly at a time of professional growth.

We all know that an “elevator pitch” is a few sentences to concisely relate what you do.  Here is a great tool from the Harvard Business School to get you going if you don’t already have one.

So, the next time you hear the magic question “what do you do”, I would like you to reframe the situation as a great opportunity. Why not think, “Yippee, I get to make a valuable connection here.”  Rather than rattle off your standard elevator pitch, I would challenge you to deliver a more valuable “Elevator Pitch+”.

 Elevator Pitch+ = What I’m up to now + where I am headed/my vision

• The plus signifies the addition of “where you are going” to “what do you do”
• The plus is a connector, representing the opportunity to make an important  connection with a new person.

This may evoke a cautious response in some of you – “I don’t want to share my vision for the future”..…”they might laugh at me”..…”who I am to dream that big”.  Relax, it doesn’t have to be a lot that you share.  For instance, you can say “Currently I am giving talks on a local level, but I really see myself taking this national and being a resource for a broader audience.”

The goal is that it is natural, slips right off your tongue, and is flexible enough to work in all situations.

Why is this so important?

1. Developing your own clarity – when you have to prepare your own thoughts for other people’s consumption, it forces you to get clearer.  And as you speak often about it, it helps you refine.
2. Practicing standing in your Strengths and Power – we can all use some practice in OWNING our strengths and accomplishments and being able to present them accurately and positively, with confidence.  Repetition is helpful. Don’t be concerned about appearing arrogant or a fake – most often I find women unnecessarily downplaying themselves rather than the opposite.
3. Opening Doors to Future Opportunities – how many times have you found that when you reveal what you are really interested in, the other person says “I have just the person for you to talk to”. By revealing a little bit of that dream, you increase the odds of getting connected to someone that can help you make it a reality.

So here is your challenge – Practice this 5 times this week.  Take advantage of situations that come up, both the ones that fall in your lap and the ones you have the guts to create.

• Fall in Your Lap:  “What do you do?”
• Ones you need to create: “I had such a busy day with clients, I am finally getting out for lunch”.  Now that person will naturally ask “what do you do?”  By dropping a little hint, you will pique an interest, and create those “Yippee” situations.

And now your next challenge will be how to stay in touch with your new connections! Please get in touch if you would like a thought partner in developing YOUR “Elevator Pitch+”.

So you can imagine my suprise when one of my private coaching clients today remarked that the word “ambitious” had a negative connotation for her.  Interesting….because over the almost 2 years we have been working together, I consider her one of the most ambitious women I know.  She is frequently thinking about her next career move and seizes many opportunities for professional growth.  And yet, when I asked her to compile a career plan for herself on paper that clarified her 1) mission statement, 2) major carer goals, 3) skills audit 4) action plan, she was downright uncomfortable with how ambitious it looked.  She couldn’t help feeling that owning and exploiting one’s ambition is more of a male quality.   She felt that women who are ambitious tend to be looked at in a different, and often more negative, way than ambitious men.

And she is not entirely wrong.  At Barnard’s Commencement this week, Sheryl Sandberg (COO of Facebook and mom of 2) talks about this cultural bias and sites several studies to back it up.  But she then goes on to argue that ambition is a good thing and pleads with the Class of 2011 to maintain their ambition, even as their careers take twists and turns as women’s’ careers tend to do.  She makes the case that, more than ever,  the world needs women who are willing to identify their gifts and passions and then go for it.  She believes that until we close the ambition gap, we will not close the achievement gap that keeps women from running more corporations and governments.

Back to my client…..as we continued to coach on the subject of ambition, she began to feel more at peace with her drive.  The aha for her was that ambition is actually her friend.  I asked “What is the risk of not having ambition?”, she easily replied “Stagnation. Boredom.”  Ambition serves as the fuel that enables her to go after scary growth opportunities.  It allows her to push through the temptation to stick with the easy, less risky, status quo. And isn’t that what makes life the wild adventure that it is?

Whether you are working in an organizational setting, running your own business or on-ramping back to paid work, how do you feel about ambition? Are you effectively using your ambition to fuel your next big leap?