For the record, this has nothing to do with anything I’ve ever mentioned on this blog, on Facebook, or anywhere for that matter. It is a new thing that seemed to come out of nowhere. However, having learned from experience a teensy, tiny, little bit about how God works, I can say for certain that it was no surprise to Him.

So this thing (this good thing. I think it’s good.) happened (very quickly I might add) and immediately I felt this overwhelming pressure to get down on my face (literally) prostrate in prayer.  I could not stop crying either.  At first it was silent prayer, then I was moved to speak the words aloud. This went on for quite some time. I thought I was finished, got up, gathered my wits, thought about how strange that felt and it happened again.

This time I admit, I did not lie on the floor, but on my bed. Again with the tears and the silent prayer then the spoken prayer. Then confession.

For HOURS.

I cannot remember a time that the Holy Spirit has ever pressed down so hard on me to pray. The best way I can describe the way the heaviness draped over me is–imagine laying on the ground (warm and snug) and having to bear the weight of of a couple feet of heavy, wet snow. That’s how I felt. I couldn’t do anything more than lay in my bed and cry and pray.

This morning, I woke at 5am with a lighter weight, but serious call to prayer. I prayed from 5-7 in bed this morning.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say I think there will be more heavy prayer today.

I don’t know what this all means. I mean, I understand how it pertains to what happened. I do not understand this overwhelming and very weighted, very heavy call to prayer.

Has anyone experienced this??

And I lost my temper again.

My back hurts again.

My car is broke again and I’m homebound until Phil can fix it (the car being broke is disheartening, being homebound? not so much)

My floors have not been mopped since before Christmas. I started to clean them today, but my back hurts. Again.

I emptied the clothes off of the couch in the living room and vowed to keep them off. But the pain came and I excused myself and they’re piled again.

The dishes aren’t done.

My bedspreads need a trip to the laundry mat.

My floors need to be vaccuumed and swept.

My bed is unmade.

I have no idea what to cook for dinner tonight.

I want to blog about some things but I’m not finding the words.

There’s so much laundry to be done.

The sun was shining and now it’s not.

These are the days grace feels so far away. Also the days I feel incapable of understanding grace. Incapable of giving grace. Incapable of receiving grace. Defeated. Down. Weary.

These are the days I question my purpose. My effectiveness. My resolve.

These are the days I analyze. Do I say “Yes” to too much? Do I overwhelm myself? How can I know when I’ll fall into pain? Did God allow my car to break (again) to keep me home (again)? God repeats things that are important. Is He repeating Himself with this broken-car-must-stay-home message twice in a few week’s time to teach me something? What am I missing?

Grace is my (God-given) word for 2012.  He is relentless in His lessons. I am clueless as to what point is being made. As much as I’m trying to pay attention, I’m missing something.

8×10

Currently for sale: $30

8×10

Currently for sale:  $30

16×20

lives in Northwest Indiana

It’s been a couple weeks since I posted, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been working. Quite the opposite.

At last count, I’d rid this home of 43lbs of stuff.

And I’m positive I’ve  gotten rid of (at the very least) 200lbs in the last few weeks.

257lbs to go and it’s only week 5??

Dude.

The boxed I emptied:

To Goodwill:

p.s. I did not take a picture of the trash I threw out. Maybe I should’ve, but can you trust me when I say it was a LOT? There is also another donation bag with quite a few books that I forgot to photograph.

Let’s take a look at another (wonderful!) side effect of decluttering…organizing!

The Studio is starting to slim down.

The “guest room” is still not a guest room. That is one of my goals in all of this. To be able to store those totes and other odds and ends somewhere else (or to go through them yet again.) Truth is, most of what is in the totes is either extra bedding, blankets, or seasonal clothes. So I’m a little confused as to what to do with them.

Our bedroom/living room. Still looks a little cluttered to me, but I’m trying!

My desk/office area (still cluttered)

Our closet is looking good. However, there’s still a pile of clothes on the bed and a full laundry basket and no hangers or drawers left. *sigh* Obviously I have to go through the clothes again.

And finally, the photo of the most organized place…because I need to see something good to feel like I’ve accomplished something!!

You can see all of my #Lose500 posts here.

16×20″ Mixed media on wrapped canvas.  $75