Ever since we moved to Milton 9 months ago my daughter Marissa has felt a little uneasy about spending the night away from home. Moving can be hard for the best of us and for a twelve year old, well… I cannot even imagine.

Recently her school was planning a 5 night camp that each of the students was to attend. The knowledge of this invoked much anxiety for Marissa and we had many talks in which I attempted to encourage her. At one point I asked her to think about some things that might help her through a lonely night away from home.

One morning I found her writing in bed and asked what she was up to. She said, “I’m having a moment of hope mom,” and she handed me a list that read like this.

Hope

• Think about how grateful I am for all I have (family).
• Think about how other people do harder things, and how I am stronger than I think I am.
• Think how it is only 5 days of my life.
• Think about how proud I will be of myself and how proud others will be of me.
• Think about all of my friends and how much fun I am going to have.
• Think about how God is always right by my side and I can always talk to Him…Song: Savior Keep Saving Me.

I am in awe of this beautiful redhead woman of courage who I am so very proud to call my daughter.

This past week Scott was out of town at a conference and Marissa went to camp.  I decided to take the opportunity to enjoy some time with Cambria so on Tues night I turned down all appointments to hang out with my oldest daughter.

We decided to go to Olive Garden but before dinner we went to the nail salon to make an appointment for a pedicure. Their last time slot was at 7:00 so we hurried to the restaurant and had a quick dinner so we could fit in some feet fun.

As we were leaving the restaurant at a harried pace, so as not to be late for our appointment, the hostess, as always said, “Goodnight.” Before I could think about what my lips would say I replied, “Goodnight. Love you.” What! Did I just say that? Love you?

Cambria and I burst out laughing as we kept right on walking out the door. I paused outside to bend over to keep myself from peeing my pants. We laughed all the way to the car. Cambria has been telling this story to everyone she sees this past week. Glad I can provide the material for everyone to get a hardy laugh.

I had such a great weekend. The top three reasons why: I wasn’t working, I was hanging with my youngest daughter, Marissa, and I saw the big orange ball in the sky.

Yesterday was the absolute best. I slept in a bit, went to cycling class and then went garage selling with Mariss. We were on mission: (Scott’s favorite saying) to find a nice, new queen size mattress. I have been praying forever for a good deal. Call me old fashioned, even a bit corny, but I pray for all needs in our life. We came upon an estate sale where we found a new mattress with the tags still on it. Only 25 dollars…hurray!

Probably the best part of the day came from the simplest thing. Mariss and I spread out a blanket on top of our lounge chair cushions out on the deck. We laid ourselves down and proceeded to absorb the warmth from the sun. It felt so good. I listened to the birds chirping and the children’s laughter next door. The aroma of fresh pine, smoke from a nearby fire and fresh cut grass all mingled together and filled me up.  In this peaceful state I drifted to sleep. It was the best nap ever.

I have wrapped this memory up in my head, to open at just the right (hectic) moment, to remind myself of how good life truly is.

In one of my recent posts I talked about how I loved my job, “most of the time.” This is one of those weeks that is in the realm outside of “most of the time.” I have been riding a roller coaster of appointment times not working with my existing schedule. If I don’t take a signing that is offered to me than I don’t get paid. That simple.

Today I was totally stressing as appointments got canceled and I got offered many signings during the time slot that is already obligated by a prior commitment. I got off of the phone and full of emotion I said out loud to God, “I am so frustrated. What in the heck am I supposed to do?”

I heard my daughter Marissa, call me from the other room. She greeted me with a huge smile on her face and said, “mom, I did it! I’ve memorized all of my verses for school! Can you listen?” So there I stood as she began, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life…Is not life more important than food? …Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap… and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. ARE YOU NOT MUCH MORE VALUABLE THAN THEY?…Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?…For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father know that you need them.”

Tears were welling up in my eyes as she spoke. We embraced each other in a big hug, “mommy it will all work out. It always does.” It is so humbling to hear the truth from the mouth of the one I am supposed to be teaching.

I got a present on Sunday. I love presents.

I was at church preparing for our new comers lunch and a woman came over to me. She said, “This was out in the lobby and a lady gave this to me and asked me to give it to you.” I looked down to see……can anyone guess? A coffee maker and a shiny new toaster, still in their boxes! I laughed out loud and then did what I always do when I’m touched beyond words, shed a few tears. Oh, and then I hugged the gal who handed me the gift.

It made me feel so cared for to receive this package.  Thank you to Lesley Coffey…whoever you are. I am hoping to meet you face to face so I can give you a big hug. You made my week. And guess what? The toast didn’t get stuck this time and now I don’t have to worry about my daughters getting electrocuted!

It’s also nice to know there are a few people reading this blog. Thank you.

Friday the 13th is coming. It happens to be lucky for me. Twenty-two years ago on Friday the 13th I tore a piece of paper out of my notebook with my phone number on it and handed it to a hot red head.  Scott called me on Monday and we went snow skiing for our very first date on February 19, 1987.

I am the luckiest woman ever because at age 18 no one has any sense in their heads, especially not enough sense to pick the one you will spend the rest of your life with. I know it was luck that I picked such a good match.

The thing that works for us is that Scott is quiet. I am not. Scott is patient. I am not. I like to cook. He does not. I hate to drive. He loves to drive. We both love to hike, bike, drink good beverages, eat at nice restaurants, and spend time together. We actually enjoy each others company (except for when he is twittering–my word for it is ‘twitterpated’).

Besides these practical elements, I am lucky to have married a man that loves me so much and tells me everyday how beautiful I am. He tells me this as if he is seeing me for the very first time. I am lucky because he loves my daughters and cherishes them in ways that would fill up pages to tell you.

I really don’t believe in luck. I was lead to this boy 22 years ago and I will forever be grateful.

I think a couple should get a shower after 20 years of marriage. This is not a new idea to me. I can remember my mom saying this as she looked at her tattered bath towels. I am now agreeing with her.

It’s not like I don’t have nice furniture and TV and computers, and lamps and tables. It’s the ‘other’ stuff that’s old. The other stuff would classify as things that are fading and don’t work quite right but I never feel like spending the money on a new one.

I have a few examples. I have an old chrome toaster (antique actually) that my grama gave me when I was collecting 5o’s stuff for my kitchen. There is a long chrome piece that has since fallen off and the toast if forever getting stuck inside the metal box. My daughter is using it right now and digging out a bagel with her butter knife,”Did you unplug it?” I say for the umpteenth time, panic in my voice.

We now “officially” need a new coffee pot because I broke the carafe last night. I gimme rigged the tea pot into the coffee maker just so I could have my cup of java this morning. We have not been satisfied with our coffee pot in a long time. If we try to make a cup in the afternoon it ends up tasting like plastic.

I would like some new kitchen stuff like accordion style measuring cups that fold flat and lay nicely in the drawer. My cousin in law Molly always has the newest and shiniest in her kitchen.Why don’t I do that?

It’s not like I don’t get extra money from time to time. I can certainly give myself a shopping spree. The practical side of me always says, “I already have one of those. It will do for now.” And then I go and spend my money on a new outfit or a cute pair of jeans. Priorities!

Unless a new tradition of  20 year marriage showers is created, we will continue sticking the butter knife into the toaster (unplugged).  I might ask Scott for a new appliance for Christmas. This is supposed to be a horrid gift for a man to give his wife but I am beginning to think after twenty years, this is the perfect gift!

A balanced life is the ideal and I am always striving to live in the happy middle place. However, that being said, I did not pick the right job for an ordered and balanced life. I cannot control the chaos that comes my direction when interest rates drop and I am left responding to every call. OK, I do not believe that I do not have control over my schedule. I do. My goal to pay my bills leaves me choosing the chaos. Or is it the bills?

My life is a dichotomy with two different personalities waring within me for two very different outcomes. One side of me is constantly striving to be in control of life’s circumstances so that I can keep my high strung self calm. Peace, tranquility and a sense of serenity is the desire of this self. The other craves adventure and change. Too much routine drives this side of me crazy. How can two desires live within one self you may ask?  I don’t think they co-exist very well. The fun side is definitely winning, and I ‘m not so sure I’m disappointed about that.

One side of me says “don’t do it. It might be too risky for the peace you desire” and the other side is screaming for excitement and new experiences.

I have come to reason that my job is perfect for me. I hate the chaos of it but without the chaos there would be no adventure. It is the unknown of my every day schedule that is foundational for the thrills I seek.

There is a price to be paid for living in ones passions. For me it means giving up the safety of the predictable place. I know what happens there and it is good but what is beyond the corner? I cannot know unless I go there!

Interest rates are down so I am running like crazy to help people sign their ref-is. I can’t count the times I have driven to Seattle in the last few weeks. I am loving it!

Last night I drove to the Rainier district and met an Ethiopian woman at her office which sat across from one of  Seattle’s Library’s. I had an hour to kill so on my client’s recommendation I went to Tuta Bella’s Pizza for dinner. Amazing food. The waiter recommended a couple of items, one of which was a cauliflower dish. If I could make cauliflower taste like this I would turn my kids into fans of the vegetable! The meal was topped off with a little Italian dessert (I am still not sure what it was) that looked like a mini ice cream cone turned on it’s side, compliments of my waiter.

With a too full stomach but a smile on my face I was off to my next signing which led me 15 minutes to the other side of town. Thinking I was lost I stopped at a mini mart and made a call. I looked around for a landmark to reference. I was sitting across from another Seattle Library. I found I was only one block from my client’s home so I off I went to meet the newly married couple.

I love my job (most of the time) because it feels like a little adventure awaits me everyday. I never know where I will go, who I will meet, and where I will find yet one more Seattle library. How many are there anyway?

Scott preached an awesome message today on prayer. I love listening to him. Today, while he was teaching I heard my thoughts say, “I like this guy…oh yeah he’s my husband.” I chuckled at my own self.

During his talk he mentioned that praying is really just communicating with God through out one’s day. He referenced me in this message. He said Michelle prays about everything. He said I pray for parking spots. What? OK, I might sometimes but it sounded so corny when it was being said to hundreds of people.

Being  a pastors wife is an interesting existence. I have learned not to take myself or the things my husband says about me from the pulpit, too seriously!