Mike Doe

Pamela Anderson, Split Personality

Mike Doe — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 17:43:41 +0000

Pamela Anderson, oh how the mighty have fallen.

No, I am not referring to Pamela Anderson's boobs.

They are perky as ever, no doubt due to good genes.

She once starred in Baywatch, Playboy and "stolen" sex tapes.

Now Pamela Anderson does naked splits at Hef's mansion...

And her rocker exes, too sleazy and numerous to mention.

Pamela Anderson, it's time to get your head out of your ass.

And put it back where you belong: on the beach, in a bikini.

Angelia Jolie, Below Deck

Mike Doe — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 12:26:44 +0000

Angelina Jolie is naked in this photo, according to the fishes.

But MikeDoe.net has this reputation as a really classy site.

So you only see Angelina Jolie's eyes, which are "smoldering."

Yeah, yeah, Angelina, we get it, your eyes SMOLDER.

But if Billy Bob Thornton has "been there, and done that"...

And he has, my apologies to anyone who just ate.

Is seeing Angelina Jolie naked really that rare a privilege?

Aubrey O'Day, Dumbass or Genius?

Mike Doe — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:14:28 +0000

Ex-Danity Kane rocket scientist Aubrey O'Day is in the news.

For once it's not for posing naked in Playboy.

Aubrey O'Day called Adolph Hitler a "genius" on FoxNews.

Because dumbasses cannot "cause that much havoc."

She must have forgotten her own career...like everyone else.

What a dumbass.

The Tiniest Celebrity of All

Mike Doe — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 13:45:55 +0000

Verne Troyer is the world's tiniest celebrity.

He's the guy who played Mini-Me in the Austin Powers movies.

And nakedly peed on Surreal Life...with his "water cannon."

Okay, that last part was Verne's version of events.

Cut the guy's Mini-Me some slack though.

He still scores groupies with boobs bigger than his head.

Legs or Breasts, Man?

Mike Doe — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 22:18:28 +0000

Hooters hires hot chick waitresses to flirt with customers.

The Hooters Girls sell their customers lots of beer.

Hooters also sells chicken wings...and legs and breasts.

Mostly the latter.

A Dumb Blonde Oxymoron

Mike Doe — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 15:21:46 +0000

According to a fancy word dictionary...

An oxymoron "combines contradictory terms."

Such as "open secret" and "wholesome Kardashian."

So maybe dumb blonde is redundant, not an oxymoron.

Unless you're a dumb blonde and hence clearly confused.

Or as Britney Spears might say, "Oops."

But we must act naturally and tell more dumb blonde jokes.

In my unbiased opinion.

Love Dolls Need Love Too

Mike Doe — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 21:16:41 +0000

Nothing is sadder than a life without love.

Especially if that lovelorn individual is a love doll.

Love dolls were put here for a reason.

Love.

Never forget: love dolls need love too.

Even love dolls of ill repute.

Let It Be, "It" Meaning Paul's Money

Mike Doe — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 21:57:20 +0000

Paul McCartney married model-bitch Heather Mills in 2002.

Their divorce in 2008 kept the tabloids busy for over a year.

Heather Mills has one leg.

But that one leg was enough to kick Paul's McCartney's ass.

To the tune of $80 million in alimony.

That's a helluva payoff to avoid the pre-nup song and dance.

Sexy Threesome, or Librarians Gone Wild?

Mike Doe — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 13:35:25 +0000

This photo was sent to us by a reader named Divine.

Allegedly, this threesome photo is from a librarian's convention.

Divine's the one in glasses although her email seemed phony.

Why would a Mr. and Mrs. Juggs name their daughter, Divine?

As for Divine's sexy "librarian" friends, I'm equally skeptical.

What kind of librarians do not wear glasses?

Britney Spears, Crazy Celebrity Nostalgia

Mike Doe — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 16:35:02 +0000

Britney Spears used to party all night until the break of dawn.

She used to do lines and guys, and sometimes lines of guys.

But lately Britney Spears has lost her hojo.

We miss Britney's celebrity sideboob and celebrity freakouts.

But most of all we miss her amazing live performances.

Okay, that last line was just cruel.

But America needs Britney Spears to pull a Britney.