Parenting four teenagers can be hard. Especially when you are trying to make a decision (what to make for dinner, what movie to see, how gets shotgun) and you have all four of your teenagers talking to you simultaneously.

Thankfully, I have a Decision Filter Checklist that I can lean on to help me make almost any decision in life.

I’ve created two seperate checklist. One for everyone and one for people of faith.

Decision Filter Checklist

1. What is the decision?
2. What are the alternatives?
3. What does my gut say?
4. What am I feeling? (fear, greed, FOMO, bored)
5. Has this decision been hot-seated at a mastermind?
6. Can I afford either decision (time, money, mental health)
7. How does this affect my family?
8. How does this affect others around me?
9. How does this fit into my perfect week?
10. What are the secondary benefits?
11. What makes me think I might be right about this decision?
12. What makes me think I might be wrong about this decision?
13. How do I think this decision will play out?
14. When do I need to make this decision?
15. What other decisions do I need to make to make this decision more successful?
16. What if I do nothing?
17. How will I measure the success of this decision?

Faith-Based Decision Filter Checklist

1. What is the decision?
2. What are the alternatives?
3. Pray – Ask God what He wants
4. What does the Bible say about this decision?
5. What would Jesus do?
6. What does my gut say?
7. What am I feeling? (fear, greed, FOMO, bored)
8. Has this decision been hot-seated at a mastermind?
9. Can I afford either decision (time, money, mental health)
10. How does this affect my family?
11. How does this affect others around me?
12. How does this fit into my perfect week?
13. What are the secondary benefits?
14. What makes me think I might be right about this decision?
15. What makes me think I might be wrong about this decision?
16. How do I think this decision will play out?
17. When do I need to make this decision?
18. What other decisions do I need to make to make this decision more successful?
19. What if I do nothing?
20. How will I measure the success of this decision?

Conclusion

Using a Decision Filter Checklist can bring peace of mind when making a decision. The checklist helps you think through questions that you may not have thought through on your own.

Life is fleeting, and as morbid as it may seem, there’s immense value in contemplating the day you die. This exercise goes beyond writing your obituary; it involves creating a vivid mental picture of the moment you transition from this world to the next. In this post, we’ll hop into a metaphorical time machine to explore the importance of this exercise and how to undertake it.

Why Write The Day You Died?

As of writing this, I’m 45 years old. It’s astonishing how quickly time has flown by. Just last week, I was cheering for my son at his high school football game, feeling like I had just finished my own high school football journey. Life’s pace can be overwhelming, and that’s precisely why writing “The Day You Died” can be so powerful. It brings life into focus, reminding us of what truly matters and who matters most.

How To Write The Day You Died: A Step-by-Step Guide

1. Tap into Your Future Self: Envision your future self. Pretend that your future self is writing a letter to your present self, describing what’s happening in their world. This exercise provides a unique perspective and offers assurance that everything will be okay.

2. Imagine the Hospital Room: Visualize yourself in a hospital room. Take a moment to answer essential questions:

• Who is present in the room?
• What do their lives look like at this point in the future?
• What are they saying to you?
• What are you saying to them?
• Reflect on your success.
• Consider what truly matters to you at that moment.
• Ponder what you regret.

Compose the Letter

Now, it’s time to write a letter to your present self from your future self. This letter will encapsulate the essence of “The Day You Died.” While this may be an emotionally charged exercise, it’s remarkably simple. Describe who was present and what they said to you.

The Day Mike Ruman Died

Dear Mike –

Today, you died. It was a beautiful moment.

You laid in a hospital bed, surrounded by your beloved wife, your children, your grandchildren, and your dear friends. They were all there, their faces reflecting a myriad of emotions.

Physically, you felt no pain, but emotionally, you were overwhelmed. A mix of sadness, excitement, anxiety, and, above all, profound joy filled the room.

This was the last time you would see your cherished family and friends, at least in this lifetime. The nurse gently informed everyone that “it’s time.” Your breaths had become increasingly labored.

First, Katie, your daughter, stepped forward. Tears welled up in her eyes as she said, “Daddy, thank you for adopting me and giving me a wonderful life. I don’t know how I’ll cope without you physically here, but I promise to keep your memory alive. I love you.”

Next was Sydney, your son, who added, “Dad, it’s been quite a journey. I’ll miss having you over, especially when you’d wrestle with my kids. You’ve always brought joy into our lives. I’m confident that we’ll meet again. I love you so much.”

Kyle, your other son, approached slowly. “Dad, you mean the world to me. You’ve shown me what it truly means to be a man. I’m honored to be your son, and I promise to carry your legacy forward. I love you.”

As Cooper, your youngest, took your hand, he looked deeply into your eyes. In his unwavering voice, he said, “Dad, you’re the best. Thank you for everything you’ve taught me. I’ll make you proud, I promise. I love you.”

Tears filled your eyes as your wife, Lisa, drew near. She gently kissed your forehead and whispered in your ear, “Thank you for the incredible adventures we’ve shared. I’ll carry your love with me always. I love you, and I’ll see you again soon.”

With that, you took your final breath, and it was over.

Remember, Mike, life is finite. Embrace each day, live fully, and cherish every single moment you have.

With love,
Future Mike

Conclusion

Writing “The Day You Died” may be emotionally charged, but it serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of living in the present and cherishing the relationships that truly matter. This exercise encourages us to embrace life with love, joy, and gratitude for every precious moment we have.

“What should I do about _______?”

That is a common question we hear from others. Our spouse, our kids, a coworker, a friend.

What I’ve learned is that they don’t always want you to answer that. Sometimes, answering that can be bad for both parties.

A response that works is ‘Do you want a coach or a cheerleader?”

What Does A Coach Mean?

If someone says they want a coach, what they are asking for is your advice.

Help them solve their problem or at least give them options or ask clarifying questions.

What I’ve learned is that what they really want is not a coach but a cheerleader.

What Does A Cheerleader Mean?

If someone says they want a cheerleader, what they mean is they want your support. They want to know someone has their back.

“I can’t believe that!”
“You got this!”
“Oh, I bet that’s tough.”

A simple cheerleader response let’s them know they’ve been heard. That’s what they’re looking for.

Why This Framework Works

I pay my therapist $115/hour and most the time he just asks me questions and as I answer them the situation starts to work itself out.

What my therapist is doing is giving me space to think through my problem.

In Summary

The next time someone brings a problem to you, pause, think about what they’re asking, and then clarify with ‘Do you want a coach or a cheerleader?”

It’s that simple.