Mike Villar: Rising Internet Star

Taxi driver dude, wtf?

Mikey — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 10:14:53 +0000

For the past 5 years or so, I’ve always driven myself to get around. On the average, I would say that I only take public transportation or cabs thrice a year.

My stress levels, however, have gotten to a point where I strongly detest driving on account of me getting pissed off by other drivers a little too easily, and a lingering fear that the bouts of road rage I have would, someday, end up in homicides. Multiple, violent homicides.

So yeah, earlier this week I was invited to attend a press event over at hotel near where I work. Since the venue was only 3 blocks away from the office and I really want to avoid driving as much as I can, I decided to take a cab to get there.

So I flag down a cab, get in and–before I go on–a disclaimer:

A lot has been said in this blog about people from the provinces but, truth be told, I have nothing but respect for them.

I mean really, how can you not respect people who leave their quaint little home town and cross the seas to find a better life in Manila? These people do seventy-hour weeks in department stores or factories so they can buy Magic Sings so they’d have something to entertain their drunkard friends the next time they come over the small-ass apartment they’re renting.

All this while overachieving people like me get high paying jobs landing on their laps, spend their time magically turning a good chunk of their salary into alcohol and end up blowing almost PhP 5,000 pesos on various sexy girl webcam access sites because they’re stressed and miserable. And horny.

That said, it turns out that the guy who drives the cab I got into is from the province and speaks little Filipino, let alone, English. Now, I usually sit in the front passenger seat of cabs and talk to drivers a lot so, after getting in, I said “The EDSA Shangri-La” and asked him how his day has been so far.

He replied in what sounded like heavily-accented Filipino, most of which I couldn’t make any of. So I thought, no biggie, probably not a good idea to converse with somebody who doesn’t speak much Filipino. It’s all good though, as long as he takes me where I need to go.

The EDSA Shangri-La is around 10 minutes away from the office. Five minutes into the ride, I get a feeling that the guy doesn’t know where the fuck he’s going. “You can turn right on the street after San Miguel Avenue” I suggested, he looked at me with a face that couldn’t be more unenthused and nodded. I took it as a “Yes, fat chops, I’m a cab driver, I know where the fuck I’m going so why don’t you just shut the hell up and relax?” So, I leaned back on my seat and did.

As we neared the corner leading to the hotel, I said “That’s the building right there [pointing], you can drop me off where it’s safe” Again, he looked at me and nodded, and again, I leaned back and tried to relax. As we approached Shangri-La, I noticed that he wasn’t slowing down to pull over. Already missing our destination, I said “You can just drop me off right here” even if “right here” was already a hundred meters past where I was supposed to get off.

At this point, I remembered why exactly I sit in the passenger seat whenever I ride cabs–So that I can easily open a can of whoopass on the driver if he tries anything funny like say trying to Kidnap me to hold me for ransom–and really, that was what was running through my head at that point. The guy, after all, was zooming farther from where I intended to get off at 60KPH. I said, more firmly “That was my stop right there, turn the cab around..no, on second thought, I’ll just get off here. Stop the car!”

I forget what I said exactly but I finally got him to pull the cab over at the EDSA side of the far end of SM Megamall–a good block away from where I wanted to get off.

Before getting off, I explained to him, largely through an intricate sign language routine, that I was trying to get off there [pointing to the Shangri-La] and not here [pointing down] but he just looks like he doesn’t get it.

I seriously could’ve gotten further in the conversation with a stray dog and, moreso, with a chimpanzee who, I’ve been told, are slightly more intelligent.

Seriously, what the fuck was that? I respect the fact that Filipino or English probably wasn’t the guy’s first language and he’s really just trying to make a living. But come on, how much Filipino/English do you have to understand and know how to say as a Taxi driver? We’re talking just knowing what left, right, turn around, “there” and “stop” means here.

How would you like it if you came up to me and asked “Mikey, I need the revenue projection report for our Q4 Holiday campaign” and me, staring at you for a good 10 seconds before finally saying “Thank you Mario, but the princess is in another castle.”

Christ.

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A success tempered with hard lessons. ATTN: PayPal

Mikey — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 12:32:37 +0000

Early this week, we were finally able to fulfil our obligations to those who donated via PhilippineAid.com and, more importantly, to the victims of Typhoons Ketsana and Parma–at least as far as remitting the funds we have collected via our PayPal account to the Philippine National Red Cross would go.

To date, PhilippineAid.com has managed to raise over $16,648 (PhP 776,795 using today’s conversion rates) in two collection drives.

PhilippineAid.com was such a resounding success that, to me, would be one of the best and brightest proofs of concept whenever discussions on how to harness the viral power of social media to drive similar charity campaigns pop up.

It is also a success tempered with hard lessons.

In the 6+ years I have spent developing my marketing career, I have always relied on my personal skills to achieve my goals. I have focused a lot on coming up with air-tight, business plans to raise money or spinning my wheels thinking of how I could exploit the latest technological developments to inch me, little by little towards my goal. With the entire Philippine Aid thing, I learned that being part of an aggressive, determined and supportive community of peers is just as valuable, if not more.

And really, all the credit should go to everyone who have, collectively, wagered their formidable social capital to support the cause—from the average Joe tweeting and blogging about the site to the celebrity who helped spread the word—you guys fucking rock.

But perhaps, the most important, albeit prosaic lesson I have learned in organizing Philippine Aid was that fundraisers, even if being ran with the noblest of intentions will inevitably be met with skepticism and distrust.

FAILPal

Unbeknown to most people, less than 48 hours after PhilippineAid.com went live, PayPal, restricted our account due to legal and regulatory constraints which required me to submit additional information about my charity / non-profit organization.

I really cannot blame PayPal for doing this and I am, in fact, glad that they have such a security measure in place. After all, there are a lot of opportunistic people out there who are just itching to exploit calamities such as the typhoons that hit the Philippines.

The fundamental flaw in PayPal’s Account Review process is that they assumed that I run a non-profit organization who is collecting donations on behalf of the Red Cross. I made no such claims. In fact, I explicitly said that Philippine Aid was collecting funds for the victims of tropical storm Ketsana–the proceeds of which will go to the Philippine National Red Cross whom, at the time the site was setup, didn’t have their own PayPal account.

Another impression I get that the restrictions were being placed arbitrarily. I mean, really, there’s this guy who publicized that he’s going to try and help a battered wife find a new home, raises over $16,000 in donations but for one reason or another, didn’t get the account review treatment?

It was also unfortunate that the time when PayPal restricted our account was the time when PhilippineAid.com reached its proverbial tipping point. A time when there was a deluge of people who just heard of the site (virally, through social networks) wanting to donate but couldn’t because our PayPal account was rejecting their transactions.

As a remedial fix, we directed our traffic to TXTPower’s PayPal drive. That, however, didn’t last long either after PayPal clamped down on their account as well. (TXTPower President Tonyo Cruz writes about his experience here)

Fortunately, the Philippine National Red Cross setup their own PayPal account about a day after (to which both Philippine Aid and TXTPower directed both our collection drives) but we could only guess how much donations were lost due to PayPal’s terrible indiscretion.

After numerous calls to PayPal’s customer service department and emailing back and forth with their compliance department, PayPal finally restored access to my account on October 7, 2010–a good 8 days after they froze my account.

No discount for charities based in Asia?

In my numerous calls (and subsequent escalations) to PayPal, I also tried to confirm whether or not an organization based out of the Philippines can apply for the discounted fees they offer Non-profit organizations based in the United States.

The answer was that, unless an organization can provide a 501(c)(3) certificate which proves that they are exempted from some Federal Taxes because they operate exclusively for religious, charitable, scientific, testing for public safety, literary, educational purposes, to foster national or international amateur sports competition, promote the arts, or for the prevention of cruelty to children or animals (link); they cannot avail of the discounted fees.

I am terribly disappointed in the way PayPal handled our dispute with a glaring lack of a sense of urgency and the disservice they are doing to charities and non-profit organizations outside the US. This disappointment is further exacerbated by the fact that we missed out on, based on the trends we were seeing, thousands of dollars worth of donations–donations which would’ve gone a long way in the ongoing relief operations for Ketsana and Parma victims.

Congratulations PayPal. You have lost a customer.

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My SEMCON 2009 Presentation – Twisted Twitter Tactics #semcon09

Mikey — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 07:56:36 +0000

Here are the slides of my SEMCON 2009 Presentation: Twisted Twitter Tactics, how to turn Twitter into a mega traffic channel overnight.

Twisted Twitter Tactics

View more presentations from mikevillar.

To recap: For businesses, Twitter is effective as a Marketing/Lead Generation platform only if it is used to build trust for your brand. Start with considering using it as a Customer Service tool. I see what you did there @SMARTcares, I see what you did there and I love it.

I’d also like to thank everyone who attended SEMCON 2009, you guys were great. See you next year!

Here’s a secret: Mike actually updates his Twitter and Plurk accounts more than he updates his blog! Follow him on Twitter and Plurk and see a HUGE difference in your penis size in just two weeks!

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We raised over $6,000 with PhilippineAid.com – Status Update

Mikey — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 18:01:40 +0000

The Good News
In our aggressive, social-media driven campaign that lasted less than 48 hours, Philippine Aid managed to generate a total of $6,647.51 in PayPal donations. You may have noticed that the ChipIn Event we used to monitor our progress has ended. This is due to the fact that PayPal has flagged our account and required us to submit a letter of subordination from the Philippine National Red Cross as means of verifying our intentions. I am personally meeting with the board of my local Philippine National Red Cross chapter (Rizal, the chapter spearheading the relief efforts in areas most affected by tropical storm Ondoy) tomorrow morning and they shall, with great pride and gratitude, furnish me with a letter of subordination.

The Philippine National Red Cross Rizal Chapter Administrator, Mrs. Repollo was ecstatic to hear about the success of the campaign and profusely thanks everyone for their donations.

The mission to rebuild the nation is far from over though and as such, more than ever, we wish to encourage everyone to keep the donations coming and keep spreading the word. I have replaced the ChipIn widget we used prior with that of our friends’ over at Txtpower.org. Who has a similar initiative going; we are all working for the same cause.

We have begun the process of withdrawing what we have collected so far into our local bank account and, as stated, we will be depositing managers checks in batches into the Philippine National Red Cross’ bank account.

With the current conversion rates, less PayPal fees, you and PhilippineAid.com have generated PhP 307,362.25–money that will go a long way in helping in the ongoing relief and rebuilding operations.

Our friends over at Txtpower.org report collections of over PhP P1,217,188.96. These are very hard and trying times for the Philippines and the victims of Ondoy but, on the brighter side of things, the donations collected so far is a huge victory for the international community and Filipinos all over the world who have exhibited tremendous altruism with the help of the internet particularly Social Media.

The Philippine National Red Cross recognizes this as I hear word that they too have officially started using PayPal to collect donations. I am in the process of getting their account details so I could update the widgets on this site and so you could directly send your donations to them.

Also, Philippineaid.com has gotten a lot of praise lately; praises which we take reluctantly because the people who are truly worthy of praise are the donors and supporters of this site who have made everything possible. You are all heroes in your own right.

The Bad News

The bad news is that as the flood waters subside, we get a grim, more accurate picture of the devastation Ondoy has caused the Philippines. As of 3PM of September 29, 2009, the National Disaster Coordinating Council estimates PhP 4.6 Billion worth of damages in its damage assessment. (link)

The death toll has also reached 246 people and is rising. There are also over 101,000 families taking refuge in various evacuation centers nationwide.

Friends, the battle is far from over. Along with the relief operations there is some major rebuilding needed to be done. People lost lives and property and we, as a community, should NOT let up as our donations are needed now more than ever.

Send your donations using the widgets below:

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The Philippines Needs YOUR Help

Mikey — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 20:25:40 +0000

At the time of writing, 73 people have died and over 300,000 people have been displaced by Tropical Storm Ketsana (local name “Ondoy”) that struck the Philippines with heavy, torrential rains on Saturday, September 26, 2009. (link)

Waters rose to as much as 5 meters high in some areas and the Philippines, seeing the worst flooding in over 30 years, was caught unaware. Metro Manila and 5 outlying provinces are now in a state of calamity.

Shanties were washed away and thousands of houses and vehicles were submerged and destroyed by the floods.

Even up to now, there are over 9,000 families taking refuge in evacuation sites and there are thousands of people stranded in the roofs of their houses waiting to be rescued.

The damage to lives and property will take months to rebuild but, immediately, we need food, clothing, and medical supplies to treat our refugees.

The Philippine government is doing its best to deal with the situation. However, the National Disaster Coordinating Council is severely under-budgeted and can only do so much. The nation and various Non-Government Organizations have come together to provide aid to those who were affected by the flooding but we fear that it isn’t enough.

That is why we are turning to the international community for support and help. If you wish to help rebuild a nation and provide help to those affected by this horrible calamity, use the widgets below (PayPal / Credit card). All proceeds will go to the Philippine National Red Cross.

You can also help by helping spread the word about this site! Paypal

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Maid Love

Mikey — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 16:34:44 +0000

It finally happened. Earlier this month, my family went ahead and hired a stay in maid. Now, this is not the first time that my household had a maid and there was actually a point in time when we had three. Five years ago though, after my parents retired, we had to cut some corners and the maids had to go.

It was quite a transition but, eventually, we were able to adjust and run a tight, clean ship. The fact that I’m a little on the obsessive-compulsive side made sure that my part of the house (my room, my bathroom and some parts of the kitchen) were clean. Really, I can’t sit still until all my shirts are stacked neatly in the dresser or until my bathroom floor is dry after I use it.

However, while my room and bathroom are orderly, I can’t really say they’re clean. You see, I’m really good with maintaining an illusion of order but I really don’t like to go down and dirty. I’m not, for instance, a big fan of cleaning glass. I’m not one to say “You know what, I just finished drinking beer and my glass coffee table is now riddled with circular beer stains because I didn’t use a coaster. You know what, where’s the chamois and the windex? I’m going to go crazy on this bitch!”

I’m also not a big fan of making my bed after I wake up as I see it as a pointless activity considering I’m going to mess it up again in a few hours when I turn in.

This is where Annie, our new maid, comes in and does her shit. For PhP 3,000 a month, she takes care of the dirty business. She makes my bed 5 minutes after I’m out of it. She goes crazy in my bathroom with her little bottle of Zonrox and scrubs the floor until it has this delicate luster to it. She makes sure my table is clean enough to eat rice off of. I’m telling you: this girl means business.

What makes everything so much better is Annie also falls on my side of the obsessive-compulsive scale. Yesterday for instance, I came home to find all the wires connecting the peripherals of the entertainment system in my room together neatly tied and organized. I also found the mess that were my DVD’s organized into neat stacks classified by type (Playstation, XBox, movie and software). And I found my underwear piled neatly in my undergarment drawer–the newest ones on top and the oldest, most worn out ones at the bottom. It’s almost freaky.

All of this awesomeness aside, there are two fundamental problems I see getting in the way of me fully appreciating Annie.

First of these is the fact that I sort of feel sorry for her. Sorry because she is working for one of the country’s–if not Asia’s–biggest douchebags. I mean the fact that I am writing about finally getting a maid speaks volumes about me. It’s sort of like saying “Hah! Everyone, get a load of me! I have an awesome maid! This means I’m successful! My maid comes from a place that is not Metro Manila! A place where people don’t have running water and where women have to hide from armed bandits every night for them not to get raped! I’m fucking awesome!”

The second is I find it awkward that she also does our laundry. Now most of you probably don’t see anything awkward with this but then again, most of you probably use a tissue to wipe the semen off your belly after you masturbate rather than just pulling up your boxers, allowing your man juice to be absorbed by the fabric and basically just waiting for it to dry up and become hardened splotches on your underwear.

I’ve been so used to my mom doing our laundry (most of you probably think this is worse but ask any new mom if they get grossed up cleaning up after their infants shit their diapers. And arguably, semen is less gross than shit. Arguably.) that I’m having trouble coming to terms with the fact that someone’s virgin hands are going to end up touching the splotches on my boxers; Splotches that are the direct result of only the most lecherous of urges. And sometimes, random pictures of girls on Facebook.

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Two things that could ruin my wedding

Mikey — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:17:37 +0000

From what I have observed in myself over the course of me proposing to my girlfriend to now, there are two potentially devastating things about me that could turn my wedding, which is a mere three months away, into one gigantic clusterfuck.

Let me explain: preparing for a wedding isn’t exactly cheap–to put things into perspective, let’s just say that in the last couple of months, I have spent half of what I earn annually booking some of the suppliers I need for my wedding.

All of this would’ve been fine If I was doing really well for myself. Well I could probably say that I sort of am but then again, let’s not forget that I am also paying for the house I bought early last year.

Add the fact that the actual preparations are taxing both mentally and emotionally into the mix and you’ve got yourself the perfect formula for an obese, manic-depressive train wreck waiting to happen. So stay the fuck clear.

Anyway, to cope with all the financial and emotional stress that are weighing heavily down on me, I’ve stepped up to take in more work and made it a point to drink myself into a coma every chance I get.

This becomes problematic when:

My Workaholism

In my wedding, I will be known to some people as the “sales pitbull” and the “douchebag screaming into his BlackBerry in English” to some. The thing is, with what I do, whenever I see a deal that needs closing, I attack it like a cheetah would attack a gazelle: Going for the lithe hind legs first before dragging the carcass back to my den for midnight snack and some necrophilic action.

My hunger for money nowadays is only dwarfed by my thirst for beer, so really, it’s only natural for me to be talking to Chinese internet moguls via my BlackBerry 24/7. If the guests in the wedding couldn’t understand the importance business and trade has in modern society, then I suggest they kick themselves back to 18th century France so they could listen to Rosseau tell them how awesome communism is and invite them to share their meager broth with him.

My Alcoholism

I cannot say this enough: I love to drink. You can blame my Ilocano genes or my dark past but the fact of the matter is I love alcohol okay? This insatiable thirst coupled an unlimited supply of booze afforded by the mobile bar I signed as one of the vendors for my wedding is a lethal combination. In my wedding, I would start off innocently enough, first swinging back the ceremonial glass of wine my future wife and I would share. Then I’ll knock back a few beers while going table to table for pictres. Then the wheels would come off–Somebody just handed me a Jaegerbomb!

Next thing I’ll remember is me putting my penis in the chocolate fondue. Another blackout. Then I’ll vaguely remember trying to rally everyone into dancing the Macarena on the dance floor. This will be followed by another blackout. Then it happens: The moment of true humiliation: I’m struggling to keep my balance on one foot holding a bottle of tequila before finally falling backwards into our wedding cake.

I wake up the next morning in a forest wearing an Igorot outfit hugging a rice cooker.

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Your phone numbers, a warning

Mikey — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 10:13:13 +0000

Friends, I might be suffering from a medical condition similar to sleepwalking but far more embarrassing and awkward the morning after and deals significantly more damage to the sufferer’s dignity.
Simply put, upon reaching a certain level of drunkenness, I whip out my phone and send SMS to almost EVERYONE on my phone book. Worse, upon reaching an even higher level of inebriation, I end up whipping out my laptop to send messages to random friends on Facebook.
Most of the time, this isn’t a problem as the people I end up sending SMS’s and Facebook messages to are close friends who know me as someone who likes to dick around a lot when I’m drunk and simply scratch their heads and brush my messages off.
It sometimes becomes a problem because of the fact that, creepy as I am, I have managed to amass a contact list of over 500 phone numbers—if we met in a conference 3 years ago and you handed me a business card, chances are that I still have your number. I have the numbers of people from high school I haven’t spoken to since. Worse, I have really old phone numbers of people I don’t even remember meeting (mostly girls—whose listings on my phone only appear as first names).
And, like you probably have already guessed, I sometimes end up sending messages to these people too. Again, to be clear, the messages I send are mostly silly stuff like “yo” or “sup”, but sometimes I get slightly creepy and send out that occasional “what are you doing? I’m at home, wanna drop by for a drink?” There should be no issues with this if the recipient is a friend I speak to regularly; but, if it’s like a CMO of a company I met on a business dinner back in 2006, not so much.
Anyway, I was knocking back a few bottles at home by myself early this week. To cut the story short, the next morning, upon checking the sent items on my phone and my facebook account, I was greeted with two interesting message logs that both read like a lost season of Grey’s anatomy—both were a tale of a complicated romantic web replete with dialogues on the indignity of a struggling relationship.
The kicker—both SMS and Facebook exchanges were between myself and men.
The moral of this story: Do not, ever, trust me with your phone number. Doing so will only result in a clusterfuck of shame and awkwardness for everyone involved.
Posted via email from Rising Internet Star

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What about the Real Time Web?

Mikey — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 11:09:42 +0000

This could be an open door for the content business. For instance, currently aggregators have to get their news the old fashioned way, through RSS feeds and news alerts that they retrieve throughout the day. That is not realtime news. Using The Associated Press as an example, AP could post their stories to a HUB. In realtime, the HUB can update member websites so that they will always have information first, before any aggregator. It may not take long for aggregators to recognize the new data on the member sites, but they won’t have it first.
The Internet is about to change

I never got everyone's obsession with being the "first" to receive news. With the current incarnations of the real time web only being able to provide raw, barely digestible, incoherent information at best; it's almost always better to wait for a credible news agency to aggregate and process everything into something more palatable and useful before being consumed.
Posted via email from Mike Villar: Rising Internet Star – Lite

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King Cobra-la la la la la!

Mikey — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 11:15:40 +0000

I don’t know if this is normal, but I’ve reached a point in my life where watching cable TV ranks about as low as “carpentry” and “foreplay” as far as the list of things I enjoy would go.

The detestation I feel towards watching cable TV, I think, has something to do with the fact that there’s just far too much noise–too many ads and being a professional marketer who spends a great deal of his billable hours creating and optimizing such ads, I want to stay away as far as possible from them when I’m trying to relax.

When I do watch cable TV, I only watch National Geographic, and only when I’m too lazy to whip out my laptop to watch full seasons of some of the shows I follow in it.

Anyway, I was watching a National Geographic special on king cobras earlier and was, surprisingly, hooked and fascinated by the entire thing.

The thing that totally blew me out of the water was the King Cobra’s mating ritual. Intercourse, for this particular specie of snake almost looks like a graceful, beautiful and almost lyrical dance. It was seriously so beautiful, that during the 15-minute clip showing the ritual, I needed to stop to masturbate and cry thrice.

[I am actually stopping to masturbate and cry right now. I need a minute]

[...]

[...]

So yeah, after doing it, the two King Cobras sort of just laid there intertwined, cuddling. If snakes are anything like humans–more specifically, if snakes are anything like me, I surmise that the guy snake was probably asking the girl snake to evaluate his performance while smoking an invisible snake cigarette and was about to whip out his snake wallet to pay the girl snake with snake dollars for the sex. Of course, he doesn’t have enough and the girl snake will then call her snake pimp to beat the crap out of the guy snake. The guy snake will then proceedto beg the snake pimp not to kick his ass. Eventually the two reach a compromise involving a laptop and a company-issued blackberry.

But before anything like that could happen, another male ambles into view wanting to have sex with the female cobra himself. Like hell the original male king cobra would allow that to happen, so a fight ensues. In the end, the original male loses (supposedly because he’s obese) and slithers away in utter shame and disgust.

The winning male then slithers towards the female to claim his prize and attempts to have sex with her. But something goes wrong–he smells the sperm of the original male on the female and his intention quickly shifted from having sex to committing murder (Honestly, I’d be pissed too)

The winning male then proceeded to clamp down on the females neck and rolls her around to strangle and finish her off. This went on for around 20 minutes–in between of which, I was busy switching to and from yelling “YEAH! That’s what’s up bitch!” and jacking off.

The female eventually dies of suffocation. It was an awesomely intense scene.

My feelings of sexual satisfaction and channeled machismo were short lived though. Because after killing the female king cobra, the male proceeded to eat her. whole.

At that point I was all like “What. the. fuck?”

Now, I don’t know why the hell I’m so bothered with that entire scene. Maybe because it’s just plain repulsively ugly. Or Maybe it’s because the entire episode felt like a metaphorical portent of what my married life is going to be like.

OR, more likely, maybe it reminded me of my past; specifically that “incident” in San Juan, Puerto Rico back in the summer of 1992 which involved me, a dead prostitute and Ving Rhames.

Whatever. I don’t know.

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