My Mother In Law is Still Sitting Between Us...

And Now for Something Completely Different...

2012-03-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

Growing up in Oklahoma, every Saturday night we sat on the green, plaid divan at green, metal, fruit-graphic-laden TV trays (Unspeakable!), my mother would grill steaks (Morton's Seasoning and Worcestershire on bacon-wrapped fillets mignon), for her and my father, and frankfurters for my sister and me, who didn't LIKE steaks just yet.

There would be baked potatoes, (I'm butter only; parents like sour cream.) Pillsbury bread products of some sort, and sauteed mushrooms with Morton's seasoning and extra garlic and butter.

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I'm so Excited!

2012-03-03T07:08:00.000-08:00

Wow. I didn't remember the "nighttime" theme in this song. Still a classic.

Ah, presexuality innnocent adolescence.

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Happy Birthday, Sis!!!!!

2012-03-02T00:29:00.000-08:00

I hope you have the most wonderful of days, that your girls make you beautiful cards or at least hug you lots, and that you enjoy your husband and our parents this weekend!

I cannot be there and it is my loss. Love you! And I know you love me, too.

Looking forward to the next time we are together; expect at least one phone call from me today.

Cutting off Contact

2012-03-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

From the Yahoo Group for Adult Children of Hoarders, reprinted with express permission from the member:

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Hi, everyone.

I haven't posted much since I joined but I do read the posts made here daily.

You all give such wonderful words of advice to those of us who need support when cutting ties with our HP [hoarding parent]. I am at that point and was very comfortable with that decision until today.

My mom is of the dirty, animal, no power, no heat, no AC, type no running water, etc. hoarder.

She has been diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder and is not being properly treated.

She is flat out a mess right now. Bills aren't getting paid. She showers maybe once a week when she goes to a friends' house. When she gets home from work she sits in her car for hours until she goes inside just to sleep then it's back out to the car. She keeps all of her clean clothes in the car and is at the point that she's buying new underwear because she isn't doing laundry.

Mentally she's beyond a disaster. It's painful for me to even talk to her and she wants to talk every day
She doesn't want me to even acknowledge that any of these problems are going on.

I spent my whole life taking care of my two younger siblings and the house and I can't just talk to my mom and pretend that nothing is wrong.

So I decided about three weeks ago (after a phone call with my mom screaming at me for suggesting my little sister sell some old prom dresses to get a new one for this year) that I was going to cut ties. I can't have a healthy mind set dealing with this crap. How can I care for her if she doesn't care for herself?

My mom has been calling her friend many times a day and saying how she has nothing left to live for because her kids don't love her and no one cares about her.

My sister actually told me a few months ago that she is afraid that when she goes to college about two hours away my mom will kill herself.

My mom's friend doesn't understand why I'm "abandoning' my mom and sort of put a guilt trip on me.

I think my mom's problems are too big for me and her happiness isn't my responsibility.

I'm a grown up now and i want my own happy life without that elephant in the corner. I know that my mom does not have the ability to be normal and I'm not going to wait with my fingers crossed for that to happen.

So I haven't gone to my therapist since October of last year (I've had some other issues I've been working through) This afternoon I had a borderline panic attack on my way home from work.

I am an emotional eater and all I could think about doing was eating half a dozen cheeseburgers while my heart and breathing was racing. I have NEVER felt the urge to binge like that. At one point in my life I was overweight (thank you college, lol) but I'm at a normal weight now and I know that I'm at a very low point right now.

I made an appointment with my therapist for Friday because I feel like I need help being okay with my decision to not have contact with my mother, and also how to defend my decision to others so I don't panic about it like I did today.

So COH ,I'd just like some wisdom and a pep-talk or whatever other advice you can offer me. Thank you.

****

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Dear Readers, this shit is real.

It is NOT just about the crap.

It is about mental illness and child abuse.

There is a brochure and a list of questions to ask potential at-risk children on the right under chiLken links. C'mon. We must maintain some levity.

Print it. Distribute it. Live it.

I Love this Bar.

2012-02-29T00:42:00.001-08:00

Okay. It's not a bar.

But I tip my hat to any victim brave enough to share their secret.

And we all come from different places and pasts.

Sharing helps legions.

I said LEGIONS. NOT lesions.

Gawd, you all are perverts.
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So, Greg Told Me he Doesn't Love Me.

2012-02-28T15:21:00.001-08:00

After we tiffed for a bit on the phone over nothing , and granted, I was a contributor to the conflict, I ended the conversation and said, "I love you, Honey."

Greg: "I don't love you."

Click.

I may have already known that.

The "I don't love you" part,

Not the "Click."

That part took me completely by surprise.

"So, How did You Two Meet?" - Part Five

2012-02-28T05:58:00.000-08:00

Another six months went by.

I didn't pick that time pattern; it merely fell into place.

I moved on and healed.

I met a fellah. Not a keeper fellah, but he was kind and respectful to me.

Greg called and asked me to meet him at Bub's.

We had beers and burgers, I believe. Yummy.
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Now this is Simply Tragic

2012-02-27T04:20:00.000-08:00

But I'm a'doin' it anyway.

I'm going through keepsakes so I may document and purge.

Here is some poetry from elementary school.

Please forgive me. I know not what I do.

You may apply for a refund anytime.

Pre-Beastie Boys

And now it is in recycling.

You're welcome.

I'm available for Bar and Bat Mitzvahs and Quinceañeras.

My Exciting Weekend

2012-02-26T05:41:00.000-08:00

Our buffet

Greg was with me in Burbank this week, and we had our ups and downs. Oh, and I have some findings to share from the interwebs.
(All attribution can be traced back through links. Please go visit them.)
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Grill

2012-02-24T06:17:00.000-08:00

So we bought a house.

We made it a home. It is lovely.

I dreamed of a grill since we had such a lovely backyard. We could cook-out, entertain, etc.

Greg and I researched Consumer Reports and America's Test Kitchen for way too long.

Then he reviewed the weekly circulars in the paper even further.

Next we went to several stores for a hands-on experience. OSH, Home Depot, Lowe's.

Sigh.

We're six months in to this purchase already.

So here's how it goes at Lowe's.

There are hundreds of pre-assembled grills out front so that you can open and close the lid and feel all manly.

Many were smashing; some were unimpressive.

I was good to go at that point. Pick the one I want and put down money.

Nope.

None of them were perfect.

Um. It's a grill. It will be outside. It will never be perfect.

Nope.

Once the decision was made (thanks be to God), we had to buy a grill, unassembled. That way Greg could control it, put it together himself, and place it in our backyard.

Six months for a decision. I'd say another six months for an assembly.

The last time we used our grill? I could not tell you.

Seriously? Spend the extra $10 for assembly.

Life is too short.

"So, How did You Two Meet?" - Part Four

2012-02-23T09:34:00.002-08:00

So I had begun Round Two an empowered woman.

I reunited with Greg and we were "seeing other people."

During that period of time I was very busy. (I was not at Greg's beck and call.)

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I'm asking YOU, Dear Readers.

2012-02-22T06:15:00.000-08:00

So it's time to sign up for the Blogging A to Z Challenge.

I participated last year, and it was a good writing exercise which made me stretch a bit. But my posts were rarely about hoarding, often random, and possibly confusing.

New readers joined me and I found some new, precious blogs and blogger friends as a result.

What think ye?

Was it too impersonal? Too confusing? Too yawn?

I want my writing to improve and expand, but I don't want to lose you guys.

Here is a link to all the A to Z posts from last year. I did try to weave Greg and I, and hoarding, and whatever else relevant I could into the posts, but I was not always successful at that.

Yes, this blog is mostly for ME ME ME, but I do care what you Dear Readers think.

Please let me know.

New Blogroll Member

2012-02-20T21:26:00.000-08:00

This person needs your support. Or maybe her story will help you.

The Secret Dragon Hoard

I've added her to my Blogroll. Thanks for the heads-up Hoarder's Son.

My Exciting Weekend

2012-02-19T11:25:00.000-08:00

My Grandma and her Patrick Menfolk

Greg was with me in Burbank this week, and we had our ups and downs. I worked my regular hours and then some, the house is nice and clean (at least MY part of it), I rediscovered hot tea, and treated myself to a night in a hotel.

Oh, and I have some findings to share from the interwebs.
(All attribution can be traced back through links. Please go visit them.)
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I Thought it was Going to be a Mookie Blaylock Night

2012-02-17T11:32:00.000-08:00

Image via

I wrote recently about our poltergeist, Mookie Blaylock.

Yesterday, I had a creeping suspicion he would be active. It's not the weather, it's more of a scheduling thing.

Greg is always in town when he is active, and I am usually gone most of the day when he tries to show me that he misses me (?) with his antics.

Greg had an early morning dentist appointment, and I worked at the office the majority of the day. After a quick hot lemon tea at Tallyrand, I cautiously returned home.

Would he be noisy? Would he have blocked the entrance to a room with stuff? Worse, would he have broken something?

In the past, Mookie shows his temper by breaking either common possessions or specifically my stuff.

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You HEARD That?!

2012-02-15T13:45:00.000-08:00

Rose via Captain Tom

Our next door neighbors are almost finished rebuilding their house. They have been lovely, always sticking to the construction schedule, and never beginning before 7:00 a.m. We even received a gift certificate to Tallyrand for Christmas to thank us for being so understanding about the noise.

It hasn't been that bad.

Monday night I slept in our guest bedroom due to some sleep / noise issues. Tuesday morning the workers began working. It's really been a nice built-in alarm clock.

Bed was warm and cozy and I was putting off getting ready to go to work.

"Hey, Sam. Bring that saw over here, right on the sawhorse. Thanks, man."

*buzz, buzz, buzz*

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A little late for a Valentine, but Meh.

2012-02-14T20:16:00.000-08:00

Originally posted Monday, February 14, 2011

My Exciting Weekend

Image via Pioneer Woman

Okay this one is cute.

Two Web-Based Studies on OCD / Hoarding

2012-02-13T09:17:00.000-08:00

Hi, Dear Readers.

I was contacted by Amy Przeworski, a researcher in the psychology department at Case Western Reserve University. She asked if I would post about two online studies on OCD and hoarding. For more information about Amy or her work, please go to http://psychology.case.edu/faculty/przeworski_amy.html.

The purpose of the first study is to gain information about the relationships of individuals who have OCD
and / or hoard:

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My Exciting Weekend

2012-02-12T12:45:00.000-08:00

I won this in a contest by lip synching to Whitney Houston.
R.I.P., Lady Whitney

Wow. Greg came home to Burbank Tuesday evening, and we had our ups and downs.

I got lots of sleep, and lost lots of sleep. I named our poltergeist "Mookie." Greg, and our friend Alison from NOLA, were on TV spreading the word about children trapped with mental illness and hoards.

My one friend secured employment with my other friend, and I have BEAMING texts from each of them about the other.

I look forward to watching the BAFTAS and the GRAMMYS Sunday evening. And I am fortunate to have many warm, caring people in my life to give me hugs and smiles throughout the week.

Oh, and I have some findings to share from the interwebs.
(All attribution can be traced back through links. Please go visit them.)
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On TV in San Diego!

2012-02-11T12:57:00.000-08:00

View more videos at: http://nbcsandiego.com.

Greg and Alison are so brave to share their stories.

Thanks to both of you, and to Marianne and Rory for making this happen.

Dinner and Friends

2012-02-11T12:23:00.000-08:00

Marti via

Every time I talk to a different person about hoarding (YES, I'm THAT annoying loudmouth.), I am reminded of another personality layer that can be involved in the disorder.

Last night I talked with someone whom I've been acquainted with for years but run into infrequently. I don't know how we got on the topic. Perhaps he asked how Greg was doing.

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What shall I name my Poltergeist?

2012-02-10T08:15:00.000-08:00

Image via

Earlier this week, I wrote about discovering all the lights and the radio were unplugged in our guest room, and I blamed it on our poltergeist.

Now I want to name it.

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Poltergeist Strikes Again

2012-02-08T00:24:00.000-08:00

You: "Sidney! You go to bed early every evening that you can. Why are you up at midnight on a night before work?"

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My Exciting Weekend

2012-02-05T20:05:00.000-08:00

Greg was half home and half in San Diego this week, and we had a bumpy ride. I had a great week, nonetheless, working, celebrating my birthday, and watching the Superbowl, so YAY world!

Oh, and I have some findings to share from the interwebs.
(All attribution can be traced back through links. Please go visit them.)
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2nd Update - Aw Yeah...

2012-02-04T15:30:00.000-08:00

Image via

It's my birthday.

Not a milestone. But it's my birthday!

I'm somewhere between those two images this weekend. Okay, I'm nowhere near Fifty Cent, but I also don't have Jake Ryan gazing lovingly over a cake on a table.

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