Although these are crucial for long-term success in raising a child with ADD or ADHD, the most essential parenting trait is trust.

A child with a disability of any kind has the potential to grow and develop beyond any expectations that adults in his life current hold for him, but only if he himself believes in his future.  Without belief, he is limited to modest gains at best.

Children who believe in themselves and their outcomes are committed in their endeavors.  We all know from experience that the things we are committed to are not only easier for us, they are the things we stick with until we complete them.

The messages you send your child influence his level of commitment through his belief about who he is and what he can accomplish

Think back to a time in your life as an adult when things were tough for you.  It might be a particularly challenging time at work, a health crisis, difficulty in a relationship or a financial setback.

Now that you have that instance in mind, think about the people you interacted with during this stressful time.  Did you feel criticized … judged … or did you feel their acceptance and willingness to be patient as you tackled the challenge?

It’s obvious that if you felt negative messages from others, it worked against you.  You may have made errors … you might have lost your temper … you might even have given up.

Adults have far more coping strategies than children do.  If you, as an adult, were influenced by the negative messages of others, think about what it is like for your own child.

Your child reveres you. Your child has no ability to separate your parenting messages from his or her sense of self-worth.  Children get the meaning of parental messages twisted in their minds.  Because children see their failures larger than they see their successes, and because they believe that failure is a sign of their imperfection, they believe that when they disappoint their parents, their parents don’t like or want them.

Parenting children with special needs requires that parents have a success-oriented belief system.

A success-oriented belief system is grounded in the understanding that today’s thoughts fuel tomorrow’s results.  Parents who appreciate that their child’s success is grounded in a “can-do” attitude know how to foster resilience and persistence in their children.

Strategies for developing a success-oriented belief system:

• You uplift your child from a position of liking yourself. Commit to developing and maintaining a strong, positive self-image.  Be on a quest for personal development.
• Be committed to positive change in the family dynamic.  Be alert to identifying and committed to eradicating maladaptive parenting patterns.  Begin to see yourself as your child’s mentor, not your child’s boss.
• See your child’s life in positive and goal-directed terms. Reframe the meaning of genetics to understand how little is “set in stone.” Understand that individuals with disabilities are capable of attaining and becoming more than anyone can imagine or believe!  Commit to focusing on what will be, and not to giving undue emphasis to what currently is.
• Be comfortable with your child’s free expression. Never, never, never plan your child’s life to suit your needs or fulfill your desires.  Believe in your child’s dreams, not your own dreams for your child.  Teach your child to lead her life with purpose and clarity.

Raising a child with special needs pulls forth from you power, clarity, and connection with your life’s purpose, and connection with the knowledge and ability to guide your life in more purposeful ways.  If you are struggling in one or more areas of your relationship with your child, I suggest the best way for you to improve the situation is to rededicate yourself to 100% trust in your child’s ability and willingness to grow beyond your wildest expectations.

In order to really get control of their ability to devote the right amount of attention to a task at the right time, students must understand how their body looks and feels when they pay attention.

The following role playing activity can encourage students’ insights by drawing their attention to the body language that illustrates strong listening.

Have your child play the role of the speaker, reading two or three paragraphs from a book or article.  The parent will take the role of the listener.  As you listen to what your child is reading, talk about the behaviors that show you are listening (see below for a list), and use a digital recorder to record your observations.

Play the recorder for your child and model each behavior again as it is mentioned on the recording.  Draw your child’s attention to each aspect of your behavior that illustrates you are paying attention.

Now it’s time to change roles.  You are the speaker and your child is the listener.  Play the recorder and ask your child to demonstrate the behaviors he hears on the recording.  Practice until your child shows he understands and can model the correct behaviors.

Make a list of attentive behaviors and post in your child’s room to refer to during homework and put a copy in the front of every notebook or binder.

How does attentive behavior look to others?

The following signs of good attention are easy to demonstrate and observe:

• Eyes focused on the speaker and/or the visual material (such as textbook, board, etc.)
• Sitting upright, feet on floor, hands on desk or in lap
• Head level or tilted slightly to one side
• Response or reaction is “on topic” and appropriate to the context (e.g., taking notes during note taking sessions)
• Physical activity (hands or body) assists understanding (many students with ADHD use note-taking or doodling to increase attentiveness rather than keeping their hands and body completely still)

The goal of this activity is to show students how to pay attention and also how to sustain concentration until a task is successfully completed.

To give your child an idea of what it actually means to “pay attention,” use a metaphor such as adjusting the volume dial on a radio.  Using a scale such as 1 to 10, develop reference points so that your child has a basis for comparison.

For example, a setting of “1” indicates a person has the volume turned down so low they can’t hear what’s being broadcast.  A “10” indicates the person can loudly and clearly hear everything being broadcast.

Paying attention requires that students maintain differing levels of energy for different types of academic tasks.  To increase your child’s awareness of the energy needed to perform different academic tasks, first start by using the radio metaphor to help him or her understand the amount of energy needed for various everyday tasks such as brushing teeth and watching a television program.

Have your child think about tasks such as taking a shower, eating dinner, or riding a bicycle, and using the scale of 1 to 10, have him suggest a number that represents the amount of energy needed to complete that task.  Keep at it with other tasks until your child gets a good sense of the scale and really begins to understand that some tasks take longer and require more energy than other tasks.

Next, have your child apply the technique to academic tasks such as reading a section in a textbook or studying for a test.  Have your child write down her estimate of the amount of attention needed to perform the task.  Share your estimates as well.

Try having your child write down the amount of attention she spent on the task the last time she performed it and the grade she received!  Help her compare the energy expended to the results she obtained and notice how well the outcome matched the effort expended.

If necessary, discuss ways to increase the amount of attention needed in order to perform better on the task next time.  If distractions get in the way of paying attention, try the Bracketing Distracting Thoughts technique.

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Listen to Special Kid School Talk the first Sunday of every month (except for major holidays) at 3pm PST.

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Begin the transition process early

At least a month in advance, show your child on the calendar when school will start. Include a little drawing of something that symbolizes fun to your child, such as a kickball or an artist’s palette—something that he connects with school.

Back plan from that date, writing into the calendar times to go shopping for clothes, school supplies, and a cool new book bag.

Also plan ahead for end of summer fun experiences such as a day at the beach or a barbeque with friends. Be sure your child knows these great events are coming up and looks forward to them.

In fact, start this year by establishing a special celebratory event as an end-of-the-summer-custom that will ease your child’s transition back to school in the years to come!

Remind your child of some favorite fall activities such as football games, apple picking and Halloween, and connect the return to school with these favorite activities.

While you’re looking at the calendar, be sure to show your child times for relaxing and being with family and friends, such as weekends and holidays.

Children need routines to be at their best

We often relax bedtimes and other routines during the summer, but August is the perfect month to begin the gradual transition back to the structure of academic life.

Start now to put more structure into the schedule—don’t wait until the week before school resumes, or your child will have much greater difficulty getting into the flow.

Make bedtime a bit earlier each week, until your child is going to bed at the “school bedtime” by the third week of August—children’s bodies need to make the new bedtime a habit in order to adapt and be ready for learning.

Be sure to have structured academic time each day. This can be a couple of hours in the morning or in the afternoon, but it’s important to give your child the structure of learning. Making academic gains is often more difficult for our kids—they can’t afford to fall behind. For tips on fun ways to practice academic skills (at any time of year!) download free audio files from my website.

Be sure to discuss the structure that will be in place for homework time when school starts. Before school starts is a good time to talk with your child about the homework rules of the house. It’s best to develop these rules in collaboration with your child so you both feel they are fair. Discuss homework time as part of your child’s job as a student.

It is vital to find a few moments everyday to give each of your children undivided special attention. Treat yourself and your child to exclusive, one-on-one time together each day. Develop joint interests and pursue them passionately.

Children with special needs can be fearful and uncomfortable with transitions, making it important for parents to give special consideration and care to the back to school season! With careful attention to routines and advance planning, our kids can handle transitions with calm security.

Compared to reading, parents are more tolerant of problems in math. But math is very important in children’s lives and future careers. Many of the fastest growing occupations require math through algebra and even calculus.

Math is the most cumulative subject in school. Therefore, if your special needs child falls behind, he is particularly prone to developing “gaps” in knowledge that will haunt him in future years.

Elementary teachers do a poor job of teaching math

Math is the most poorly taught subject in school, particularly in elementary school. Research has proven that elementary teachers are uncomfortable with math—not only with teaching math, but with using mathematical principles in their own lives. In fact, many elementary teachers suffer from math anxiety themselves. Therefore, most elementary teachers are not good influences on the mathematical learning and attitudes of their students.

The combination of a teacher’s poor understanding of mathematical concepts, inadequate knowledge of teaching methods in mathematics, and limited knowledge about modifying teaching approaches to reach learners with atypical learning profiles can create dismal results for special needs children.

Tip #1

Stress to your children the importance of mathematics in their lives and careers.

Jobs in science and technology require a strong knowledge of math, and play a vital role in the advancements that give us our standard of living. Students who understand mathematics have dramatically more career opportunities than students whose math abilities are weak.

The level of math sophistication is much greater for today’s students

Because the nature of math education has morphed dramatically since most parents went to school, often parents find themselves beginning to struggle with math concepts when their child reaches middle school.

If a special needs child has struggles with math, parents need to face the harsh truth that they may not stand in the ideal position to help their child themselves, particularly when math becomes conceptually difficult. Due to the history in the US of poor math teaching, parents may have limited knowledge of mathematics and may not appreciate the central role math plays in the lives of today’s citizens.

Tip #2

If you are finding that you do not completely understand the work your child is bringing home, you should bow out of the “direct teaching” role. Direct teaching involves explaining concepts and procedures to your child, much as a teacher or tutor would. If you don’t fully understand the math you are teaching your child, you and your child run the risk of ingraining inaccurate beliefs and inefficient habits that can take months to undo.

Math anxiety is rampant in the U.S.

Did you know that at least 66% of adults have strong negative feelings about math! This is largely due to poor teaching adults received in school. These negative feelings are easy to communicate to your child. When children feel negative about a school subject, they unconsciously engage in self-sabotaging behaviors such as tuning out in class, not doing their homework, not asking questions when they don’t understand, and not practicing the concepts and skills enough to make them automatic.

This starts a vicious cycle of failure…as the student “back away” from learning math, he or she begins to fall behind in learning, and this creates even more dislike and avoidance. Eventually, what’s called learned helplessness sets in.

This enemy robs a child of their power. This beast whispers in a child’s ear phrases such as “you’re stupid” “you’ll never learn this stuff” “who are you kidding, you don’t need this” and the ever-present “this is boring”

These self-destructive messages tear at a child’s resolve, limit what he or she can learn, and reduce future educational and career options.

Tip #3

If you have negative feelings about math, make a conscious effort to change these feelings, and encourage your children to feel positively about math. Praise your child’s efforts, especially when the going is tough.

Math has to “make sense” in order for your child to want to learn it

Students respond to a program that puts understanding and enjoyment into math. They benefit from meaningful learning experiences that overcome frustration with “math that just doesn’t make sense.” They learn concepts and computation more quickly from real life situations.

Tip #4

Show children how math is used in their lives.

At stores, have them develop mental arithmetic skills by adding up the cost of a few items, by estimating sales tax, or by figuring out the cost of one can of soda from the price of a six-pack.

Put some fun into math by playing games while riding in the car or standing in line. For “Guess My Secret Identity,” give your child clues such as, “When divided by three, I’m equal to your age,” or “If you add 22 to me, I’m the length of a football field.” Be playful and creative and have your child make up riddles for you to solve.

“Summing in all up”

Special needs kids want to succeed in life and their parents want to do everything possible to help them succeed. If you are among the majority of parents who have negative attitudes toward math, feel your math skills are inadequate, and express your feelings opening to your child, I urge you to make every effort to eliminate these tendencies from your parenting repertoire!

Even if you have, up until now, suffered from the power-robbing demon of math self-doubt, your children can learn math skills and can appreciate the wonderful role math plays in their lives. But they can’t do it without your support and encouragement!

Educational therapy has three important components. The first is specialized programs and methods that help students ameliorate the learning problems that hold back their learning. The second way educational therapy is superior to tutoring is that educational therapists are trained to teach skills and concepts using a student’s strong abilities, while circumventing a child’s learning weaknesses. By far the most important distinction is the power of educational therapy to defeat special needs students’ greatest foe: learned helplessness—the belief that they are stupid. Learn about this powerful approach in our first Special Kid School Talk radio show, available for download below. We also discuss how to keep children’s skills moving forward during the summer. Get tips for reducing the “summer brain slide” so your child can return to school without losing concepts and skills.

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Build Your Child’s Enthusiasm for School

Children who’ve had more difficulty with the social or academic aspects of school can be reluctant to return to the demands of the educational environment.  The antidote to reluctance is to get a toehold on eager anticipation of FUN!

• Help your child stay focused on and excitedly anticipate the people, places and activities he or she enjoys, such as joining a team, seeing a good friend, or getting to wear that new shirt!
• Make plans with your child about the first days of school, guiding her to expect the best outcomes!  Talk about all the cool things she’ll learn in her favorite class, who she’ll eat lunch with, and how nice the new teacher will be. The more she focuses on desirable outcomes, the more she will want to head back to school!

Prepare Early for Changes

Everyone is a little fearful of change and some of our kids have particular difficulty with change because they experience an unconscious anticipation of negative events.

• At least a month in advance, show your child on the calendar when school will start.  Include a little drawing of something that symbolizes fun to your child, such as a kickball or an artist’s palette—something that he connects with school.
• Back plan from that date, writing into the calendar times to go shopping for clothes and school supplies, and setting aside time for end of summer fun experiences such as a day at the beach or a barbeque with friends.
• In fact, start this year by establishing a special celebratory event as an end-of-the-summer-tradition that will ease your child’s transition back to school in the years to come!

Create Routines

We often relax bedtimes and other routines during the summer, but August is the perfect month to begin the gradual transition back to the structure of academic life.

• Start now getting more structure into the schedule—don’t wait until the week before school resumes, or your child will have much greater difficulty.
• Make bedtime a bit earlier each week, until your child is going to bed at her “school bedtime” by the time the third week of August arrives—her body needs to make the new bedtime a habit in order to adapt.

Plan for Homework Time

The homework routine often becomes an activity that neither parent nor child look forward to.  Here are a couple of points to keep in mind to make the experience as efficient and stress-free as possible.

• Homework is supposed to be easy enough that your child can handle it alone, yet have enough “teeth” so that he is practicing skills he has not yet acquired.  If the work your child brings home is too difficult or too easy, speak with the teacher immediately to get the proper adjustments made.
• Children do not naturally know how to plan, organize or manage their time, work space, supplies or study methods.  They need to be taught how to do all of these things.  School does not typically teach students these skills, so don’t expect your child to “bring them home.”
• Your role as a parent is to insist on conditions in the home that give your child the best advantage in developing these skills such as a proper study area, consistent time set aside to do homework, no interruptions from cell phone, computer or favorite music (classical or instrumental music during homework time is fabulous, but nothing distracting).
• When your child shows you he doesn’t know how to handle any of the essential elements of managing the workload efficiently and independently, you need to put into place a system of teaching him how to manage it.  This instruction can come from you, a tutor, or a more highly-trained professional.  The point is that these essential skills are learned over many years and don’t develop without close supervision.

Keep Academic Skills Fresh

Children need to practice reading, writing and math all summer long to keep their skills from fading.  For many of our kids, learning requires extra effort. Long “vacations” from skill practice mean a loss of hard-won learning abilities.  The more kids struggle to learn, the more essential it is to include daily skill practice in their summer routines.  What’s wonderful, however, is that the practice can be FUN!

Very few people think the rest of the body has anything to do with academic success. But surprising results from brain research indicate that learning cannot occur without cooperation between the body and the brain.

Emotions and Stress

Because of the way the brain is wired, emotional states run our lives.   Every activity in which your child engages is infused by his emotions.  Emotions are constantly changing, and are easily influenced.

Emotions such as joy encourage brain cell development by releasing chemicals such as dopamine. When children are happy and calm, they learn and remember more than when they are anxious, tense or irritated.  Your child’s brain releases dopamine in response to pleasurable circumstances such chocolate ice cream.  But even more importantly, the brain releases dopamine in response to security, recognition, and success.

Dopamine travels to the front of the brain where it influences skills essential for learning.  The frontal lobes of your child’s brain are largely in charge of critical skills such as paying attention, recognizing and discriminating critical features, decision making and judgment, all essential for intelligent behavior and school success.

Unfortunately, fear and threat greatly inhibit intelligent behavior.  Circumstances that your child finds unpleasant and out of his control produce a stress state in the body.  Chronic stress reactions release chemicals that reduce blood flow to the brain, cause atrophy of nerve cells, and impair memory.

Help your child succeed academically by encouraging him to focus on his strengths, stay positive about his ability to learn, and “dream big” about the future!  And most importantly, develop and maintain a strongly supportive relationship between you and your child.

Motivation and Inspiration

Learners respond to challenging tasks, not to tasks that are too hard or too easy.  If the work your child brings home is not “challenging,” you must work with her teacher to adjust the difficulty level of the work.  This is a key to helping your child discover that she is a strong learner who can succeed in academics.

Learners with special needs have experienced much more failure and disappointment than other learners.  They often suffer from learned helplessness—a disempowering belief that they are “stupid” and “can’t learn.” When your child repeatedly views her behavior as flawed, her future success is stifled.

When your child thinks about her failures, her inspiration is soured, her body releases less dopamine, and her opportunity to be brilliant is reduced. Therefore, as hard as it may be, direct your attention toward your child’s academic problem only long enough to find a solution, then turn your undivided attention to that solution.  See your child as a successful and confident star.  One of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child in terms of an academic mindset is to view her as a strong, successful student.  Find every opportunity to notice your child’s academic strengths.

Social Influences

The same areas of the brain that deal with social situations—determining the moods and intentions of others—frequently process learning tasks.  These areas include the visual centers of the brain, the frontal lobes, the areas of the brain that process other senses, and interpret emotions.  Because of this, the social environment shapes your child’s brain in dramatic ways.

A brilliant researcher and scientist, Lev Vygotsky coined the term “zone of proximal development” to indicate that adults and more able peers profoundly influence a child’s learning and mental development through their interaction while completing tasks.

It is vital that these interactions be positive and productive.  Working harmoniously with your child may be difficult, but it is a goal worth working toward because of the tremendous boost to your child’s intellect that comes from positive social interactions.

Parents must be careful not to “do too much” of their child’s school work.  As important as the social interaction platform is, brain research is also clear that children must learn to rely on their innate skills and develop the conviction, by conquering challenging tasks, that they are competent learners who can handle any learning task.

Movement

Movement stimulates the growth of brain cells which are necessary for learning.  It gives children the opportunity to explore the world and gather information that develops their intelligence.  The brain requires feedback in order to learn and grow, feedback that comes from interaction with the environment.  Movements allow children to express their knowledge and begin to tackle the next stage of their learning.

In particular, children who have learning issues benefit from regular movement.  Try these activities before beginning homework, and at regular intervals while working.

Encourage your child to engage in cross lateral physical activity for five minutes every hour.  Cross lateral movements engage hand and foot on opposite sides of the body.  Most of these movements are more effective when done standing.  The addition of rhythmic music provides a boost.  Some cross lateral movements students enjoy are:

• Karate Cross Crawl:  Kick while punching or chopping with alternate hand and foot (right hand chops while left foot kicks).
• Double Doodle.  Draw a design with both hands simultaneously.  Be sure the designs are mirror images of each other, rather than facing the same direction.

Most students remember new information better when they talk, write or draw.  For those students who remember information best by writing, provide them with a white board and erasable markers or encourage them to write on paper.  Allow your child to act out what has been read, build a model, draw a diagram or chart, sing or dance. Encourage your child to “teach” new information to others in the household.

Body’s Natural Rhythms and Preferences

The human mind is made for short bursts of focused attention.  Therefore, frequent changes of pace are crucial to learning.  The mind needs to reorganize and consolidate new information during non-learning periods.

The brain responds to novelty, so let your child change aspects of his study environment when they no longer stimulate him.  For example, use different colored paper or pens, put up a poster or picture in the work area, and change it every month or so, or change the screen saver on her computer.

A child’s storehouse of background knowledge is the support system for new learning.  Bolster your child’s supply of knowledge by taking trips, answering the relentless “why” questions, and having meaningful discussions about the nature of the world!

Nutrition

Unfortunately, most children are improperly nourished!  In our busy, fast-paced culture, nutrition has taken a back seat, and children’s brains are paying the price.  Brain-rich foods include complex carbohydrates such as whole-grains and non-processed cereals.  Leafy green vegetables and fruits are essential, in addition to lean meats, nuts and omega-three fatty acids found in fish.  If children’s diets do not include needed nutrients, research indicates that supplementation is very helpful.

Water is a key nutrient for the brain.  Be sure your child’s brain stays hydrated by teaching him to drink enough water at regular intervals throughout the day, and not to substitute other fluids as his water allotment!  A general recommendation is 8 to 12 glasses per day.

Physical environments

Factors such as seating, lighting and ambient sound have a profound effect on children’s learning.

Your child’s chair should allow your child’s shoulders to stay back and be at the correct height so that his feet touch the floor comfortably.  Poorly supporting chairs restrict blood flow, cause fatigue and reduce concentration.  Poor posture strains muscles and stresses the back.  Some children concentrate much better when they sit on the type of inflatable balls that can be found through occupational therapy or sensory integration catalogs

Light has profound influences on the body.  For example, ultraviolet light found only in natural sunshine, activates the production of Vitamin D in the body and the manufacture of melatonin which regulates body rhythms.  Whenever possible, be sure your child has access to natural lighting, both by playing outside and by reducing artificial lighting in the home in favor of natural light.  Study outside whenever possible.

Our brains can process an astonishing 20,000 bits of auditory information every second!  During learning periods, reduce distracting noise such as that coming from artificial lighting, TV sets, or washing machines.  If outside noise is a problem, hang drapes or wall hangings to absorb sound.  Use “white noise” to soothe and focus your child.  Good sources of masking noise are fish tanks; upbeat, instrumental music; and desktop waterfalls.

Learning occurs because a complex orchestration of bodily processes works cooperatively with the social and physical environment to cause a change in the nervous system!  Learning isn’t just “in the head.”  Learning is a team effort that plays out on a cellular level with all cells of the body playing their individual roles, and on the larger social level as the learner interacts with people and experiences that hold personal meaning.