MindBonics: It's a Mind Love Thing

Fake The Date

2011-06-25T01:32:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I think I finally figured this shit out.
Yes it took me a whole quarter of a century to realize that in order to win in the dating game you have to be totally fake. I guess I’m just getting this because I’ve never been a fake person in this lifetime. I always tend to keep it a hundred percent real with whomever I’m dating. But as you can see, that shit does not work at all.
So you’re gonna have to lie, cheat, and act your ass off in order to come out on top (figurative and literately).

Here are some pointers…
• No matter how much you like the person, act like you don’t give two fucks about their existence. The suspense alone will keep them around.
• Always date other people, no matter what. Gotta keep those options open.
• Never express how much you like/care for/adore the person you’re dating. Playing hard to get is what’s popping in these streets.
• Don’t ever give up any information. Everything should be on a 'need to know' basis.
• When they text/BBM you wait at least a half hour to respond.
If they call you, don’t answer. But don’t worry, they will call you again (but be careful not to over do it. The person will give up if it’s been over two weeks of no answer).

There are more rules to this but the game is to be sold not told, so do your own research.

Even with all this fake shit going around, I don’t think I can partake in this foolery.
I’m really not ‘bout that fake life.
So I guess my real ass is gonna remain dolo.
One day someone will appreciate it *shrug*.

When I started this blog I was sooo pro-love.
But to be totally honest, I don’t believe true love exist anymore.
In this new society it’s not acceptable to be with one person.
I (personally) do not know one couple that has been faithful in their relationship. The shit could’ve been two months or two years, somebody cheated.
So please spear me with the 'Real Love Does Exist' bullshit.

Just fuck and be merry…..Oh yeah, & wear a condom!

Run....

2011-06-14T19:14:00.002-04:00

I’m ready to run.
Ready to run from all feelings.
From all emotions that’s attached to him.
Only because it does not feel recuperated.
So I’m afraid.
Petrified to be left standing on a cliff alone.
Without him to catch me.
To be my assurance that I’m not the only one in this.
But I fear rejection.
So I’m running.
Running back to what I know.
Loneliness.
Where there is no pain from possible heartache.
I rather put on a front like I don’t care.
Act nonchalant about how I feel when he wraps his arms around me.
Or how the pure sound of his heartbeat puts my mind at ease.
And his eyes.
His eyes tells a story that even if it was only told in braille, I would learn how to read it.

Maybe if I remain patient and hope.
But hope is not good enough.
My pride wants me to run.
Because my mind is tired of wondering.
And in the real world....there are no happy endings.

Gone....

post signature

2010....

2010-12-31T13:33:00.002-05:00

What an interesting year for me.
Despite the few moments of depression that I had to overcome, 2010 was a great year.
I took chances I would have NEVER taken.
Lost my job, which lead me to finally pursue my passion.
I met a lot of cool ass people.
Found a new love for photography.
Had my first ‘tour life’ experience.
But what really made my year, is that I found a part of myself that I never knew existed.

I feel free.

I love the fact that I’m going into the New Year with this positive, loving, and open outlook towards life. A far fetch for someone who use to be stand-offish and shy. I grew this confidence and patience that surprised the shit out of me. I guess that’s what happens when you learn to completely love yourself.

In 2011 I wish everyone a prosperous year. Live out your dreams and don’t let anyone or anything hold you back. I know it’s the most cliché thing to say, but it’s the truth. The only person that can hold you back is yourself.
So much can change within days, hours, minutes…
So have faith in God.....He won’t lead you wrong.

Just Rambling....

2010-12-19T04:32:00.005-05:00

I’m Lost.
Lost in my journey of life.
I feel so incomplete.
Yet I have such great things happening in my life.
Something is missing and I have no clue what it is.

Lately I’ve been having this urge to move.
To move far away.
Somewhere like San Francisco.
San Francisco….The City Of Love

Maybe I will find the definition of true love there.

Speaking of love….
I thought I met my soul mate.
Okay, that was type drastic. I meant I thought I met the perfect person.
We had a major connection, but the connection turned into friendship.
A friendship I wouldn’t trade for anything.
I guess it was God’s will for it to work out that way.
He’s too busy chasing chicks with fat asses.
While I’m just Lost.
Lost in my journey of life.

But I did fall in love this year.
I fell in love with photography…

So as the New Year quickly approaches, I decide to use all the passion and mixed emotions that is running through my veins and put it into my art.
Because Love Is Art.

Reflect...

2010-11-10T12:47:00.001-05:00

So I just read my last two blog post and I must say, damn I have some underline issues I have to deal with. I also laughed because I noticed whenever I express feelings of depression people hesitate to comment. I guess it’s too much of a touchy subject, which is understandable in a sense.
Honestly I use to walk around like everything is grand, but I realize it only made my situation worst because I held everything inside. I found that venting has seriously helped.
It took awhile to build the courage to express such dark emotions on a public forum. Especially when the people around me daily have never envisioned me in that mindset.
I’ve gotten a few phone calls and emails, which were highly appreciated and uplifting.
So I’m here writing this post to let my readers know that I am fine.
I just had a moment.
Thank you *muah*

Blocked....

2010-11-07T22:42:00.003-05:00

As I sit here in an inebriated mindset I began to think of everything….
The Past, The Present, and Future.
A future I’m afraid of.

I currently feel like my life is one big bungee jump without the support.
Like I’m plummeting my way to the end head first (pause).

I just feel like shutting down and not let anyone in.
Free myself from all communication of the world.
But what good would that do? It will only jeopardize my passion and I’m already lonely as is.
It just that I feel like NO ONE understands me. They expect me to remain as this strong person they envision me to be.
Like my feelings or concerns doesn't matter.
Which leads me to think things like ‘Why would my feelings matter?’ which is a twisted thought within itself.
Granted there are people that are worst off than I am. But when the moment comes that I rarely need a shoulder to cry on, I don’t want to be told to ‘Man Up’. I want to be able to cry like the human being that I am, and be told that 'everything will be alright’.
I want to be held.
Not judged for having a moment.

But no, I’m Super Fucking Woman….There’s no Kryptonite allowed in my world.

Current Emotions

2010-10-22T23:55:00.000-04:00

I am ALONE!
Everyone thinks I’m this awesome person but I don’t see it.
My heart is completely broken.
I’m tired.
I’m tired of acting like everything is alright.
I’m tired of being strong.
I’m tired of hearing about everyone else’s problems.
I’m tired of helping everyone else solve their problems.
I’m exhausted.
What about me!
What about me?
I’ve giving up…. On hope. On love. On trust.
I have goals.
But my dreams have died.
I feel used.
I feel unappreciated.
Unheard.
Misunderstood.
Trapped.
Confused.
I am DAMAGED!

post signature

The One?

2010-09-25T17:36:00.001-04:00

I think we’ve all gone thru it.
Married or Dating.
We all had a moment where we look at the person we’re in a relationship with and wondered, Is This It?
Is this the person I’m supposed to be with for the rest of my life?
You’ve been with this person for so long that the little flaws begin to overbear the many good qualities they possess, and you begin to wonder if there’s something more out there for you.

Some may take the route Tiger did.
Some may choose to just take a break.
Some might just end it completely.
And some may just choose to ignore the issue and deal with what they have out of convenience.

Which all means most tend to deal with this situation cowardly.
Is it better to run from those feelings instead of addressing it?

Or is it just not worth discussing?

I’ve heard the excuse, ‘Well, Solomon had many wives’.
So what does that mean?
Is it destine that someone in the relationship will always get the short end of the stick (pause) since Solomon was allowed to be a whore?

Or maybe we’re looking too deeply into this LOVE thing.
Maybe it’s just in our nature to ‘explore’.
For the ancient Chinese proverb does state:
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves. Possessive and controlling friendships and relationships can be as harmful as neglect.

I blame those damn Disney movies.
There’s no fucking Prince Charming and Happily Ever After.

What Happened To Love...

2010-04-10T18:01:00.001-04:00

I recently found out that a friend of mine just went through a bad break up.
He lost the girl he thought he was going to marry to good ol’ infidelity.
Probably out of frustration after asking himself why, he sent a BBM asking
‘Is the era of faithfulness over?’

My Answer:
The era of faithfulness is not over.
We're living in a society where cheating or having more than one mate is being imposed on us by many different outlets.
It’s up to us to learn to decipher the difference between what we see being portrayed in the media and what goes on in real life...
The word of God is no longer being instilled in our youth. They took God out of schools and frowned upon morals.
Which led me to believe, we as people (in America) don't believe in 'love' anymore. It’s now a game on a reality show to see who gets the last glass...
But what it really boils down to, is your upbringing.... If you believe in monogamy, you are more willing to fight/work for that love instead of having 4 or 5 different mates running around because that's what society deemed as 'cool'.
But then again, there are people that are never satisfied, and those are their demons...no one else's.

I guess that wasn’t the answer he was looking for, because I never received a response.

To be betrayed by the person you love is a pain that I would not wish on my worst enemy.
It’s like your world is going to end because you can’t seem to recall how you survived before you met that person.
But it’s all apart of this thing called life.
God put and take people out your life for a reason....A reason some of us will never figure out.

I Got A Story To Tell...

2010-04-06T19:52:00.002-04:00

Fresh off my annual NY trip, and I must say I’m exhausted (mentally).
For the first time in history I uttered the words ‘I can’t wait to leave New York’.
Don’t get me wrong, I had a blast. But due to a series of ~~unfortunate~~ preposterous events, I was ready to get back to my safe haven, better known as my room.

I love New York!
& It didn’t help that the weather was great...It made me love my old city even more.
Strolling thru the streets with my best friend made me wish I had a clone that I could send back home, so that I could stay here forever.

Within the few days that I was there, I was able to catch up with a few friend.
I even got the chance to have brunch with the ever so fabulous Karrie B.

But as the days went by, things were getting weirder by the hour.

Long Story Short…

I woke up in my hotel room after I passed out (sick), to someone staring down on me like the chick in Paranormal Activity, and a call of panic from my best friend telling me to get the hell out of there.
As I slowly got out the bed, I noticed rose petals and signs on the floor that read “April Fools”, “I did this to you because I love you”, etc…
My mind started racing and I did exactly what my best friend told me to do...I got the fuck up out of there.
As my best friend and I walked to the corner store, she informed me that my twitter has been hacked by the delusional person that was standing over me, and that other weird events had occurred.
I checked my BlackBerry to find that all my BBM messages were erased and calls were answered. I contacted everyone that I last held conversations with, and asked them if they received any weird messages from me.
Everyone said no, except one.
The person that I would practically kill for was subjected to the psychotic behavior of the deranged person that was lurking in my room, and that pissed me off more than any of the other things that were happening to me at the moment.
I did not know WTF was going on!!!
I was lost, shocked, and violated on so many levels.
I was speechless.
My best friend and I returned to my room and kicked dude out.
I even changed rooms under an alias.
As I unpacked in my new room, I discovered that my luggage was searched, and items were missing.

And that was only part of what I went thru with that moronic person on a weekend that I should be celebrating my best friend’s born day…

There’s so much more to tell (like how this all happened). But it’s too much for me to get into.
I’m just happy that it’s over, and that I can get on with my life.
It could have been a worst situation.
I was lucky to have God and friends around me.

"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough". – Frank Crane

Lesson Learned…

Imma Be On Time....

2010-02-16T01:36:00.004-05:00

....When My Stars Align - Kid Cudi

So as of late, I've been getting the
"When are you going to.............?" questions.

When are you going to start dating?
When are you going to be in a real relationship?
When are you going to realize you're getting older?
When are you going to start having kids?

(record stops)

Ok, I can take the first three questions, brush them off, and roll my eyes in true Crys.C fashion.
But, When I'm going to have kids?!?
Like, really?
That question always irks me for some reason, whether it comes from my mom or a friend.
It's even more awkward when it comes from an ex.
It's like everyone has bids on my womb...
Betting on when I'm going to pop one out honestly shouldn't be a concern.

I've heard everything from 'You don't want to be 60 with a 10 year old' to 'After 35 there are too many risk'.
That's all well and dandy...
If old ass Halle Berry can have a seed, then what makes them think I can't?
I have a whole decade to reach 35. So there's no reason for me to be on a hunt for a sperm donor at this very moment.

I really don't see what's the big deal. It's not that I have anything against having kids (it's thought of child birth that scares the ish out of me), I just can't envision myself raising my kid in a fatherless home. If I'm bringing a life into this world, I want it to be with someone that I can see myself with for the rest of my life.
So until I meet that person that I want to combine genetics with, I will be just fine.

God has a plan for everyone.
If it's meant for me to be the aunt with no kids, then so be it.
But if it's in His plan for me to be a parent, then it will happen

In Due Time...

It's Music B!+@%...

2010-02-04T00:19:00.004-05:00

Everyone that knows me, knows that I love music.
I love everything about music. From the play of words, to the creativity of how a track is put together.
I must say, nothing excites me more than discovering new artists.
(i.e.) When Kid Cudi and Mike Posner's first mixtapes came out, I literally had a musical orgasm...

As of late, good music is hard to find.
Everyone thinks they can rap or sing, so real artists are a rare commodity these days.
Lately all it takes is the right image and a hot beat.
But that's a whole different topic that I'm not gonna get into right now...

I was having a mini convo with Wordaholic and she stated how Raheem DeVaughn sings a lot about women so he must be raised by and around them.
That statement made me instantly think of Dwele. Then I started to think of Neo-Soul as a whole.
Artists in that genre aren't afraid to express their love for the women in their lives thou songs, and to be honest, I can't recall hearing any of them singing about how a woman is a bitch, whore, or chicken head.
So it made me wonder...
Why is it, as a society we respond to songs like 'Is That Yo Bitch' (and make them hits) but ignore songs like 'A Few Reasons'?

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against Hip-Hop. You might catch me rapping along with Cam'Ron (word for word) on any giving day.
And I have to admit, I have a very filthy mouth at times, and will be quick to call someone a bitch (don't judge me, I'm working on it).
But why is that cool?
It disgusts me to hear a man disrespect a woman. But yet I'm a walking contradiction...
I use those words, and I support the music.

I guess my real question is: As a society, how did we get to the point where bitch became a part of our daily vocabulary?

Well as I type this I realize, ~~ain't shit~~ there's nothing I can do until I improve myself...

Waiting...

2010-01-06T15:02:00.003-05:00

Anticipation of your touch,
Has left me yearning
Has me thinking of you,
First thing in the morning
Can’t seem to get you off my mind
Keep thinking about the last time
I smelled your scent
The places your fingers went
Oh what bittersweet memories…

Zodiac Love...

2010-01-04T09:11:00.000-05:00

I find astrology very interesting.
It’s just amazing to me how well it explains each sign’s personality.
Some may be on point, yet at times it’s just plain bull.
Although I would read my daily horoscope from time to time, I find it conflicting. I always wondered what makes the person that comes up with this stuff know/think that everyone within that specific sign is going thru the same thing.
I guess it could be just a hit or miss process.

I recall being told that astrology is the ‘work of the devil’. I don’t know if that’s entirely true. I know that there are stuff like black magic, witch craft, voodoo, etc are evil workings which sort of include astrology.
But that’s a whole different story.

So after receiving a few New Years horoscope from Wordaholic, I decided to look up my sign’s ‘love compatibilities’ (out of curiosity).
I am a Gemini, so it said that I am compatible with Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius, Aries, and Leo.

Here are some key points I got from it...

Libra: This combination is a perfect match. Both are affectionate, fun-loving, and fond social like and travel. Both also are stimulated by intellectual issues, as well as social interactions. These two tend to share a delightful sexual harmony and love to spend money.
Personal Experience: My 1st love was a Libra, and boy was that an emotional ride. I would say the description is fairly accurate.

Sagittarius: As opposite signs of the zodiac, they make an ideal match. Both love new experiences, people, and sensations which will bring great adventures together. Yet both will find it hard to keep their attention focused for long. They are both are very outgoing, sociable, and flirtatious, but jealousy is rarely a problem. This is a fabulous match, but usually requires strong external interest shared by both, in order for a long-term commitment to be successful.
Personal Experience: None, but very interesting.

Aquarius: A perfect match. Both signs love to socialize and have a wide range of outside activities. Jealousy and the idea of ownership of a partner are very uncharacteristic of either of them. Loads of energy between the two. Each has superb intellectual skills, love to talk and toss ideas around.
Personal Experience: My junior high boo was an Aquarius. We were just young and enjoy our lives (stress free). Good Times.

Aries: A harmonious and mutually stimulating combination, they will have an instant attraction. Both love doing everything at a fast pace and acting on impulse. This focus will bring a love life that is exciting and stimulating. Although the Aries can be bossy and/or possessive, both love to talk and won’t be afraid to speak their minds. These two can be great friends as well as lovers.
Personal Experience: None, but sounds like good fun.

Leo: Will be attracted instantly when they meet. It’s practically love at first sight. Fire and Air together ignites a blazing passion, and Gemini’s playful sexuality draws a brilliant response from the Leo who is affectionate and responsive. Gemini’s flirtatious behavior may wound the vanity of the Lion. Leo can be bossy, vain, and demanding. Yet Gemini is lighthearted and witty. Socially, you’ll each try to upstage the other, but will have a lot of fun doing it. Together you make a great team, with good long-term potential.
Personal Experience: None. Sounds like nothing but great sex and problems. I’m scared.

Now the signs the would bring me misery (j/k)...

Taurus: Not an easy match. Too slow for you.
Cancer: This relationship is not going to be easy. Too stable and domestic.
Pisces: Will not be a stable combination. Too emotionally needy and you'd hurt them far too often.
Virgo: This relationship will take a lot of adjustments and patience. Too flaky. Yet when on the same page it can be very satisfying.
Scorpio: Despite the attraction, not an easy match. Too jealous and secretive.
Capricorn: Will require a lot of compromises. Too cold and set in their ways.

So what have I learned from all this????
Not a got damn thing.

If you live by what an astrology chart says, that means you’re putting limitations on love.
Although we all like the idea of a perfect relationship it will never happen.
Love comes in different forms. So you will never know where you might find it.
((A Leo may satisfy your every fantasy, but a Capricorn may give you the stability you may need.))
But we should always remember, when it comes to love we should never settle. Just aim to find that person that fits you in more ways than one.

Source: Just Google 'Zodiac Compatibility'

No Resolutions For Me…

2009-12-28T17:22:00.007-05:00

Boy this year went by fast.
And I have to admit, it’s been a very memorable year for me.
A lot of weird and good things went down that I will never forget.
But the best part of it all is that I have not regrets.

With 2010 being 4 days shy, I started to think of what my resolutions are for the New Year. But I had to laugh at myself because to think of it, I can’t even remember what they were for this year.
So why even bother?!?
I’m such a typical Gemini. My mind is all over the place and I’m always trying to do too much at once.

I came to the conclusion that I should just continue to go with the flow and keep my faith in God.
Things will definitely fall into place.

But there are two main things I have to focus on.
1. Getting my degree in web design
2. Getting my body ‘beach ready’ because I plan on doing a lot of traveling.

Other than that, ya girl is straight on all that ‘2010 is gonna be my year’ crap.

Oh yeah! And maybe in 2010 I’ll have a better love life, because my shit is looking type bleak…

'Tis The Season....

2009-12-14T17:03:00.006-05:00

So Christmas is next week and I’m still not feeling it.
This is my favorite holiday, so I don’t know why I’m not in the mood.

I’m a giver, so I still went out and did my usual Christmas shopping.
I just love the fact that this holiday brings family and friends together to spend quality time and exchange gifts.
To see the jubilant glee in everyone’s eyes when they tear open the neatly wrapped presents to find something that they wanted, brings me joy.
Yet, even with those thoughts of happy moments to come, I’m still not feeling the Christmas spirit.

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older.
Maybe it’s just a minor phase that I will snap out of on Christmas morning.
Or, maybe it’s because something is missing…

I need a drink.

My Explanation of Slackness…

2009-12-06T22:33:00.002-05:00

Wow... It's been a minute since I've been on here.
I did not notice how long it's been (time goes by so fast).
What really snapped me out of it was Don commenting on a very old post.
I felt bad for my lack of reading material.

A couple months ago I would have blamed my slackness on twitter
....(but that was not the case)
I decided to quit and delete my account for two reasons.
1. Twitter became my mini blog and started neglecting my site.
2. Some people that I knew began to look phony to me. It’s like they took on a whole new personality once they logged on.
Yet after deleting my account and losing my followers….I still did not post (SMH) or checked up on the blogs on my list :(
Instead I was building other sites, working my ass off, and researching things like the new world order, occult mind control, illuminati, and freemasonry.
But I gave up on the research. All it did was drive me crazy (too much info & too deep for me)…

I also had another moment of depression. I don’t even know what that was about.
But I had to go to work daily with a fake ass smile on my face and deal with people when I did not want to be bothered. At the time I rather be locked in my room, curled up in my bed.
It was so annoying to me to have to go on with my everyday life like it’s all good, and have to listen to other people’s problems when I was internally dealing with my own issues that I could not figure out.
But I listened and gave the best advice I could.

Well everything is good now.
I rejoined twitter and promised myself to find a balance and start blogging more.
I still haven’t figured out what my little moment was about, but I’m back to the old me.
I prayed that God would take that pain away from me and he did.

Seedless Dating...

2009-08-04T10:55:00.013-04:00

May I take your order...
...Yes. I would like a #1. Tall, Dark, and Handsome with No Kids Please

Due to the fact that my first love cheated on me and had a ~~little bastard~~ ..child, I aim not to date dudes with kids.
I can’t lie...Back in the day I was tricked into a few dates by guys that hid their kids pretty well.
I would somehow find out that the charming young man that I was getting to know was actually a deadbeat plotting on planting his next seed.

But as my peers and I start to get older, I began to realize that meeting a dude with no kids is actually becoming a commodity.
Same goes for the guys.
I’ve heard my boys brag numerous times about meeting a chic with no ‘baggage’.

We all have certain qualities we look for in a mate.
When talking to other females about dating, most of them have ‘A dude with no kids’ high on their list.
I guess it all stems from the drama.
Personally, I'd rather not deal with the baby mamma drama.
Her being spiteful and stressing the guy out by keeping the baby away, Calling/Texting him about how she wants them to be a family…etc, etc.
Oh, and lets not forget the hood fact that your dude can always get the kitty from his BM whenever he likes (and that alone will make me kill his ass).

In no way or form do I have anything against people making babies.
I might end up being someone’s crazy ass baby mother one day (knock on wood).
You never know what God has planned out for you.
But I must admit. I am selfish!
I want my child to be his/her father’s first and only.
I do not want to share my future kid’s father with anyone else.
Which also means, my kid’s pops will be my husband, and God knows I’m nowhere near ready for that white picket fence dream.

Well, we all know that no one is perfect.
So when getting to know someone you have to choose to look past certain things.
It’s up to you to pick out what means the most.
Many of us have unrealistic qualities of the ideal mate in our minds.
That girl or guy from down the block with the two rug rats could actually be your soul mate.

Because We Need Options…

2009-07-28T11:46:00.012-04:00

'She thinks cheating is the worse thing that can happen…'
I was minding my own business, watching Terrell Owens publicist Kita act as if she not in love with him. Then out of nowhere I hear that statement come out the month of someone I thought was on my side.
I swear if looks could kill, I just murdered his ass.

‘She thinks cheating is the worse thing that can happen. I see if I was married, but other than that cheating aint shit’…
Is he serious???
His friend who I happened to be quite fond of (because he seemed to be a stand up guy) then turns to me and said, ‘We all need options. That way we know if we’re with the right one’ (which killed me because he's the one in a relationship).

I was too thru…
I don’t know how the convo started, but either way I wasn’t in the mood to entertain these knuckleheads tonight.
As they carried on with their little conversation while playing tonk, I turned back to the show I was watching but my focus was gone.
So many questions ran thru my mind.
Even though I would love for them to explain their logic, I just did not feel like having this debate tonight.

When I got home I decided to finally start reading this book that's been on my to read list for months. In the first chapter, the character discussed the effects of a dead beat dad.
He made a statement that sort of stuck out to me (pause).
Having five women became eaiser than having one...

It's crazy, but that seems so true.
Now my question is.......
........What the hell happened to monogamy???

Ok so the word monogamy has 3 meanings.
1. the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime
2: the state or custom of being married to one person at a time
3: the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time
Which applies to both married and single folks…
So why make some one your girlfriend/boyfriend if you’re not ready to commit to that title?
That shit is just a waste of everyone’s time and emotions.
That’s why there’s a status called Friends With Benefits.

Yeah I agree 100% with the fact that we’re young and we need to explore our world (safely).
I think if you meet someone and you guys aren’t on the same level, let it go.
But if you wanna smash that badly and she wants a relationship (or vice versa)…Keep it 100 and tell ‘em look let’s try the friend thing.
There's a great chance they might be cool with that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is:
If everyone knows where they stand from jump, it will eliminate all the drama, confusions, and problems.
Stop giving out false hopes to these chics/dudes.
That way everyone will Play Their Position.

a Lover And a Friend

2009-06-30T22:45:00.007-04:00

I was just sitting here thinking about my past and my future, and something hit me.
I’ve never been in a real relationship.
That shit is crazy.
Nine years in the game and I never had a real relationship.

To my understanding, in a relationship, your mate is supposed to be your lover and best friend. Someone that accepts and love every part of your personality without judgement. A profound connection, where nothing is inhibited.

Well, ain’t none of them negros were my bff.

I honestly thought my last boyfriend was my best friend.
I told him everything and I held nothing back.
I was able to be myself and not feel like I had to act as if I was "perfect".
But then I realized that all that shit was one sided.

But I’m not bitter at all about it.
When the time is right, I guess that person will enter my life.
(I'm so not looking... I need a break)

Meltdown Anyone???

2009-06-15T10:40:00.009-04:00

So I might officially be crazy!
I had a minor breakdown last night when I looked in the mirror and did not recognize the person staring back at me.
Fresh off my first argument with the new guy, I began to feel like my world was closing in.

It all started Saturday morning.
I woke up feeling majorly depressed for no apparent reason, and had this crazy ass migraine that wouldn’t go away.
I locked myself in the bathroom for about 2 hours. I had to regroup because I refused to face the day looking how I felt.
But that didn’t work.
My attitude still showed no matter how hard I tried to smile and ignore the feelings that I had deep down inside.
I felt I didn’t have to address these feelings, because I honestly did not know what they were.
Why am I feeling this way when for once my life is going so smoothly?

So I started picking on little things in my mind.
Things that normally weren’t an issue, started to bother me.
I was annoyed by everything.
I felt lonely!
So what did I do?
I picked on the person next to me.
I said things to him that was unnecessary, and I took his jokes seriously.
Did that to him for two days.
My sanity began to slip away.
I had to get away.

Wasn’t in the mood for liquor, so I figured maybe some kush would ease my mind (don't judge).
But I opt for good ol’ music therapy, and it helped a bit.
As I showered I prayed.
I asked God to help me find me.

I had no one around me that I felt would understand me. So I texted my best friend to let her know that I’m going insane, and her reply shed the most light I’ve seen in days.

"Loneliness can do it to u. Feeling lonely even when you’re surrounded, or even if you have someone to share your life with.
Or, things could be moving too quick. You could forget who u are & what you want, all in trying to make something of what you’ve now got.
…Or, it could be something else! The devil is a LIAR…so u get on your knees, lift your hands to Jesus, bow your head, close your eyes, and pray! Love you".

Busy Me

2009-06-12T11:27:00.004-04:00

I've been so caught up in this awesome life of mine that I haven't got a chance to blog.
I have a few things on my mind, so I'm definitely post ASAP.

Until then, here's a pic of my birthday cake.
I'm still in love with it (LOL)....

Sent via my BlackBerry®
www.MindBonics.com
It's a Mind Love Thing™

The Countdown Begins...

2009-05-27T10:12:00.001-04:00

Wrong = Right

2009-05-26T14:29:00.002-04:00

Ever been in a situation that seems so wrong but feels so right?
You see the hazard signs, but you’re like fuck it! & you keep driving…

I catch myself in one of those situations every once in a blue.
I don’t do the shit on purpose…But I just seem to end up on that route.

But what would life be without the option of taking chances?

You only live once, so why not take a gamble on Love?

Love Is Last

2009-05-24T21:16:00.015-04:00

Love is too damn complicated and I honestly don't want to deal with it anymore.
The thing with me is that when I love, I love hard, and that shit is just a receipt for disaster.

I don't even know how I get in the situations I get myself in.
But it always ends up the same.
That's why I've built this tough exterior.
I act as if nothing bothers me to the point it has became me.
Now I'm cold hearted.
Could care less.
Niggas will be niggas.....So what can you do?

You can give someone your all, but what do you get in return?
Disrespect, lies, and infidelity.

Yeah, So What I'm Bitter Bitch...

Okay, now that I got that off my chest...Back to the regularly scheduled program
(So Over It Now!!!)