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Exploring the Deeper Journey of Motherhood

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 20:17:00 +0000

Acts of Gratitude by Sarah Juliusson
I saw a beautiful thing this weekend. A woman sat down next to me at the bar of a busy neighborhood restaurant. It was lunchtime on a rainy Saturday – just an ordinary moment in an ordinary day – not a time you expect to witness magic.

Leaning conspiratorially forward, she beckoned furtively to the waitress and asked to pay for the meal of another customer. Many months ago, the woman had helped her, a complete stranger, in a difficult moment. This was her opportunity to give back. The bill was paid with a smile, and she quickly left asking the waitress to deliver her gratitude.

Gratitude. How often do we express our gratitude to those who have helped us in ways big and small? How often do we feel appreciated for what we have offered? As mothers we experience both a bounty of giving and receiving help. Saying thank you is important, yes, but I find myself musing on the different ways we can experience and express gratitude.

Remember the random acts of kindness movement that began emerged in the 90’s? Suddenly tolls were being paid for by the car ahead, and flowers gifted on street corners. Perhaps we can extend the idea to include random acts of gratitude.
Whether it was a moment that occurred two decades ago or support you received yesterday, why not reach out with a simple gift of gratitude? Envision a world with more thank you cards, more mysterious flower deliveries, more bundles of cookies on our doorsteps….

Consider this our Mama Renew nudge to reach out,

say thank you, bring kindness into our world,

and share gratitude in new and unexpected ways.

Incorporating Mindfulness into Motherhood

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 20:14:00 +0000

Incorporating Mindfulness into Motherhood

How to Love Your Children with All Your Might and Still Raise a Good Kid

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 06:51:00 +0000

Growing up, Elizabeth Lesser was devoted to her dolls. As a parent, however, she's learned that such excessive giving isn't always the best for her children.

There is a Persian myth of the first two parents who loved their children so much that they ate them up. God thought, "Well, this can't go on." So he reduced parental love by something like ninety-nine and nine-tenth percent, so parents wouldn't eat up their children. —Joseph Campbell

My children and I grew up together. I was 22 when my first son took up residence in my womb. I was just a kid—a big kid having a little kid. But it didn't feel to me that I was too young, because I had been planning on having a baby for a long time—since I was about four or five. I was one of those little girls whose greatest joy was to cradle a doll, sing to it, and tuck it into its crib. I would never go to school without arranging the babies and stuffed animals comfortably on my bed, making sure they were warm in the winter and cool in the summer, and grouped according to their current likes and dislikes of each other. I already was afflicted by the motherhood gene: I could feel what my dolls were feeling; I wanted them to be happy and safe; I worried about their wellbeing. My sisters found in my devotion to my dolls a reliable way to antagonize me. I once found a baby doll hanging in my room like a lynch mob victim, the pull-string of the window shade wrapped around her pudgy plastic neck.

For months after this incident, I paid extra attention to the doll, hoping its little psyche had not been traumatized. If such a thing existed I would have found a doll therapist and spent my allowance on the baby's recovery. Even after I stopped playing with them, I never banished my dolls to a box in a closet. I knew that would hurt their feelings. I still have them; they sit silently on a shelf in my grown-up bedroom. I rearrange their seating every now and then.

Can you really love your children less ?

5 Keys To Your Child's Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 02:49:00 +0000

"Practically everything we do as parents is motivated by a desire to see our children be happy. The good news is that there is much you can do to encourage them to discover true happiness for themselves. Every day, in each moment, you can offer essential encouragement through your loving presence, your own example and your steadfast support. As you encourage your children to be happy, you may notice that something else happens, which is that you become happier too." - Dr. Robert Holden

"If I could wish for one thing in my life, it would be that my children grow up happy," says Diane, a mother of two girls, ages 6 and 2. Diane is not alone. A research study conducted in 67 countries interviewed parents from diverse cultures, faiths and income levels about what they most wished for their children. The number one answer, by a long shot, was happiness. Every parent wants his or her child to be happy. If you are a parent, you know how true this is. Unconditional love is only interested in happiness.

In my happiness course, Be Happy, I give my participants a test called The Happiness Genie for Kids. The idea is that a genie appears in your life and offers you a series of wishes you can make on your children's behalf. Each wish is a forced choice. For example, "I wish my child has wealth or happiness." In the last course, 100 percent of parents chose happiness over wealth; 95 percent chose happiness over academic excellence; 95 percent chose happiness over fame; and 90 percent chose happiness over success.

We know what we want for our children, but how do we do it? Well, first it's important to understand that you cannot make your children happy. That said, there is plenty you can do to encourage them to be happy. The distinction between making and encouraging is a vital one. Parents who believe they can make their children happy are prone to making other mistakes like trying too hard to be a good parent, intervening too much, being overcontrolling and believing they always know what's best for their children.

In adult-to-adult relationships, when a person makes it their mission to make their partner or friend happy, they usually end up disappointed, in unhealthy sacrifice and in a role (full-time employment, more like) as a helper. Similarly, if you believe it is your partner/friend's job to make you happy, you will also be disappointed. What's true for adult-to-adult relationships is also true for parent-child relationships. True happiness isn't something you manufacture for others; it exists in their spiritual DNA already. What you can do is offer encouragement to help bring their happiness out.

Practically everything we do as parents is motivated by a desire to see our children be happy. The good news is that there is much you can do to encourage them to discover true happiness for themselves. Every day, in each moment, you can offer essential encouragement through your loving presence, your own example and your steadfast support. As you encourage your children to be happy, you may notice that something else happens, which is that you become happier too. 5 keys to your child's happiness Photo: © 2009 Jupiterimages Corporation

Babies of Working Moms Get Just as Much Cuddle Time

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 17:44:00 +0000

by Bethany Sanders (Subscribe to Bethany Sanders's posts)

Cuddle time is a big part of a baby's day. Photo:ScaleOvenStove, Flickr

Babies of working moms get just as much cuddle time as babies of stay-at-home moms, says a new report out of Australia. Researchers followed parents of 3,000 babies between the ages of three months and 14 months to find out how they spent their time.

While working moms spend less time with their babies -- about 83 minutes less a day than their stay-home counterparts -- their babies often spend those minutes with their dad or grandparents instead. Babies of both groups of moms spent 138 minutes a day being cuddled, and also enjoyed equal amounts of time being read to and talked to as well.

Interestingly, while having a working mother doesn't have a significant effect on how much attention babies get, breastfeeding does. Babies who nursed spent an extra hour a day with mom, and received an extra half hour of cuddling, holding and talking -- probably while nursing. Then again, breastfed babies also slept about 40 minutes less a day, so that time may have taken place in the middle of the night when moms -- working or not -- would rather be sleeping.This study -- finally -- appears to settle at least one part of the mommy wars. Working moms devote as much time as possible to their babies, and when they can't be there, that other loving parent no one seems to write guilt-inducing studies about -- dad -- steps in. And if he can't, the grandparents are there.