“I wish I was like the wind, for no one knows where it comes from nor where it goes, and it can change direction without ever having to explain why.”

“Outer beauty is inner beauty made visible, and it manifests itself in the light that flows from our eyes.”

“Beauty exists not in sameness but in difference.”

“Elegance is not a matter of good taste. Every culture has its own idea of beauty, which is often completely different from ours. But every tribe, every people, has values that they associate with elegance: hospitality, respect, good manners.”

“No one can know the importance or greatness of what they do. Therein lies the mystery and the beauty of the Offering: it is the mission that was entrusted to us, and we, in turn, need to trust it.”

“Help us to see in each grain of desert sand proof of the miracle of difference, and may that encourage us to accept ourselves as we are.”

“Pour your love generously out onto the fields and pastures, down the streets of the big city and across the dunes of the desert.”

“The adventure of the days to come needs to be filled with romance, because the world needs that; therefore, when you are mounted on your horse, feel the wind on your face and enjoy the sense of freedom.”

We were eating carrots en route to Lagos when he asked me “Do I have anything in my teeth?” I knew immediately that he was telling me that indeed it was I who had bits of carrot lodged between my teeth.

I’ve lived abroad before and have worked with cross-cultural teams based on almost every continent, but still, communication in Nigeria has been an interesting learning process for me. Always indirect, often prolonged, and overly polite is how I’d begin to describe the common and appropriate communication style in Nigeria.

Silvester, my Kenyan housemate and volunteer colleague in Kaduna, used to tell me to sugarcoat more- truly good advice. I used to always be direct in my communication, but realized after many interactions that I needed to adjust the way I convey information in both casual and professional exchanges.

In America I was told not to waste valuable time and to be direct and to the point in all professional communication. I actively worked on my email and verbal communications to ensure that they were succinct yet professional. Here, I’ve had to completely alter my communication style in order to be effective in my work and in building relationships.

Pausing and patiently waiting for discourse to begin or continue is vitally important. Colleagues often come to my door and, when I answer, remain silent for several moments before greeting and eventually stating the purpose of their visit. Key information is often not revealed until a second or third meeting. Greetings and small talk must always precede the business at hand. Extensive verbal appreciation and repetition to emphasize agreement are very common in group discussions.

I continuously work on mastering effective and culture-appropriate communication techniques in each and every interaction, as interpersonal communication is a fundamentally important lifelong skill that enriches our personal connection with people from all over the world and allows us to be more successful in collaboratively achieving our professional aspirations.

bath time

Central Mosque in Lagos

Ojuelegba

Apapa Wharf

Onisiwo Island

strolling through Onisiwo Island

Makoko

on horseback at Lekki Beach

human-powered big wheel at Lekki Beach

Making Markets Work for the Poor presentation in Abuja on the Mary Slessor Foundation’s agricultural processing of palm oil and cassava

I want to beg of you much as I can to be patient toward all that’s unsolved in your heart, and learn to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms, or like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given you, because you would not be able to live them, and the point is to live everything. Live the question now, perhaps you will then, gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

—Rainer Maria Rilke, from Letters to a Young Poet

‘Success is not accident but hard work’

“Let’s get this party STARted!”

Calabar River (near Ikot Okon Abasi)

Harmattan sunset

In my community (Akpap Okoyong) I’ve often seen very public verbal quarrels between neighbors or spouses. I’ve also witnessed many physical fights between members of different communities, family relatives, and cult/gang members.

I’ve been the recipient of verbal insults a couple of times, perhaps the most unusual being “I’ll sell you”.

I’ve seen parents beat children with sticks, but also use the phrase “I’ll beat you” in a playful way (where I would say something like “Look at that smile”).

In the environment in which I was raised, we were taught to resolve conflicts with our words and that physical fighting is not respectable or acceptable. I can argue my point with facts or based on experience, stand up for injustice, and voice my disagreement. I’m comfortable with verbal disagreements and accept them as a necessary form of communication in certain situations. Physical clashes, on the other hand, bring about a feeling of uneasiness in me.

Once when I wanted to call the police to resolve a conflict that took place down the road from me (then found out there are no local police, we rely on our Youth Leader and his team for security and conflict resolution in the community) I was told to let them fight and watched as people I know and see everyday took swings at each other with such anger in their eyes. Others joined in the battle, taking sides based on family relations, including both men and women (with children being pushed out of the way, but witnessing everything). Each side had a few minor bleeding wounds and would wake up sore the next day, but nothing requiring a doctor’s care. Most surprising to me was the way everyone involved ended up laughing together immediately afterwards.

A friend of mine recently told me of a fight he was involved with in his community (another community here in Odukpani) over family land. His uncle sent his cousin to drum and announce that my friend’s father should not enter his part of the inherited family land (they are 4 brothers, including my friend’s father, who share the land for farming cassava and oil palm trees). So my friend was sent by his elderly and blind father to drum a response that the land belongs to him. A fight broke out between cousins and they struggled with each other like enemies. My friend told me that people die over matters such as this. One side may decide to send a cult/gang to machete or shoot the other to death in their home or when alone out on the farm. He said it is still a common way of resolving land conflicts here.

He also added that people usually go to traditional doctors to do juju in order to gain protection from physical harm, or to be made invisible. I told him I don’t believe that actually works, but he wouldn’t be convinced otherwise. No wahalla.

This is yet another opportunity for me to appreciate the diversity that makes the world interesting and beautiful.