Mindset of Success: The Science of Personal Leadership Development

When To Address Problems and When To Let Them Slide

2010-02-24T02:14:21-05:00

Conflict Management:
Deciding What to Address and What to Let Go

Do you avoid conflict and tense conversations? If so, you are not alone. Many people feel uncomfortable with conflict and stay away from it. After all, it’s human nature to take the path of least resistance. It’s always easier to do nothing than something, especially if the something is stressful.

Some people take the opposite approach—it makes them uncomfortable to let little things go. They’re perfectionists and have a hard time seeing how some issues are not critical, and how part of being a strategic leader is to let things go.

Which do you do?

The Covered Pot Syndrome

Keeping our frustrations to ourselves can create a covered pot syndrome: Your feelings are like boiling water in a covered pot, boiling over at the time we least want them to.

Our avoidance can let the conflict go to the point that it is much more difficult to manage. Pair that with your frustration (the boiling over) and you have a recipe for disaster.

As a confident leader in all your life roles (in your job or business, as a parent, as a sibling or neighbor, etc), the goal is to address situations that need to be addressed even if they are uncomfortable.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf Syndrome

At times it can be a smart strategy to let things go. If you address everything no one will take you seriously. They’ll think you’re a nitpicker and tune you out. As a leader, you need to show people that you can prioritize.

So, how do you decide when to address conflict and when to let it slide? Here are few things to consider:

1)    Frequency. Is it the first time someone has done something or is it part of an ongoing pattern?

2)    Severity. Is it a relatively minor issue that it makes sense to overlook or is it a top priority issue. Consider things like safety, impact on other projects, and impact on your credibility (your most important asset).

3)    Values. If something represents a major class with your personal value and ethical system, it often makes sense to address it or remove yourself from the situation.

4)    Other’s Needs. Something may not seem crucial to you, but it may to others. For example if your assistant is not getting something to a colleague that she needs to complete a project.

5)    Your Natural Tendency. If you tend to address everything, then look for opportunities to let things go. If you tend to avoid everything then look for opportunities to address conflicts.

Once you’ve determined whether or not to address something, there are some ways of doing so that can diffuse tension (yours and the other person’s). I’ll share these in another post.

Worry Makes Monsters Out of Shadows

2010-02-09T15:36:24-05:00

I like to say this ("Worry makes monsters out of shadows") because it's easy to lose perspective when we're worried about something.

Situations don't determine our feelings. Our responses to situations determine our feelings. What we think about the situation (our interpretation of it) determines how we'll feel and respond. This is why two people can be in the same situation and have totally different responses to it.

So what determines how we'll interpret something? There are many things but one of them is the frame of mind we're in as we enter the situation.

If we're already nervous or uncomfortable, we're more likely to interpret the situation in a way that makes us more nervous or uncomfortable.

What can we do about this?

The main thing, and easiest thing, is to remember this. It will help you regain perspective. If you find yourself reacting to a shadow (something small, benign) like it's a monster (something big, threatening), remind yourself that it may not be as bad as you think.

Turn the light on and see things differently. You'll see that it's likely much more manageable than it initially appeared.

What do you think James Arthur Ray's responsibility was in the 3 deaths at his spiritual warrior retreat?

2010-02-04T00:00:31-05:00

If you haven't seen the news, self-help guru James Arthur Ray was arrested and charged in the deaths of 3 members of his Spiritual Warrior event.

What do you think?

I have a lot of thoughts. It's late and they aren't well formed so bear with me. I do not know the details of the case and my intention is not to pass judgment, that does not help anyone, rather to explore factors that may have played a role which could help all of us in the future.

I highly doubt that Ray wanted this to happen. I do, however, think that leaders are responsible for the situations they design. Charisma, power, trust, authority are all tools for influence (they act on an emotional level which impacts the decisions others make), which of course can be used for good or evil. Evil can happen when leaders don't intend it if they are not careful. The more powerful these tools, the more careful the leader needs to be.

This tragic event seems like a devastating example of social psychology principles of mind control, group think, social pressure, obedience to authority...

I wonder if he would have set up that type of situation if he were truly aware of the social psychology and medical precedents with tragic outcomes. Had he done this research he would have spent a significant amount of time encouraging dissension (the #1 way to break group think), listening to your body, leaving and taking a break, etc... not just in a release for legal purposes but in a formal preparation. He would have had medical professional on hand, taken frequent breaks with the lights on, and so on...Again, I don't know if he designed these measures into the event or not.

From what I know of James Arthur Ray, he had a positive message to share. My guess is that after all of his fame and powerful healing sessions, he continued to up the ante. It may not have been a conscious intention (the fear that if he didn't provide a more intense experience each time he could lose his followers), and it certainly could have stemmed from a positive desire to provide greater help for his followers. I do think that somewhere along the way he should have gotten many outside perspective on the experiences he designed.

I hope other teachers, healers, seminar leaders, business leaders, members of the media, parents, etc, will take away the message that people's lives are literally in your heads and as a leader you accept a tremendous amount of responsibility.

We need to be mindful of treading very carefully with power, knowing the literature of potential responses in high social pressure group situations, encouraging people to break free from groups for any reason (in fact rewarding people for breaking free), and consulting with medical professionals when designing anything that involves heat, sweating, excessive drinking of water, etc.

And we all need to remember to listen carefully to our thoughts, feelings, and bodies. And as soon as we get that instinctual feeling that something isn't right, get out of the situation.

Building Self Confidence: 7 Qualities Praise Must Have to Build Confidence and Self Esteem

2010-01-28T15:01:19-05:00

Today’s article is inspired by my recent observations of both bosses and parents delivering praise. I’ve noticed that many well-meaning people are giving praise, apparently in effort to build someone’s self confidence, but the way they do it backfires.

It upsets me to see people with positive intentions who put forth solid effort but don’t get the results they want. I’ll share tips on how to help important people in your life build their confidence. This is a key concept in personal leadership.

Before reading the article, take a minute and think about the important people in your life and work: your family, your clients or customers, your employees, even your boss. Who can benefit from a self confidence boost? If you’re thinking something along the lines of, “my coworker is too darn confident, this doesn’t apply to her,” think again because people who are seemingly arrogant often suffer from a lack of true self confidence.

Whether you’re a parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent, neighbor, or friend, building confidence in children is one of the most important things you can do to leave a legacy and give back.

Enjoy the article and post comments or questions.

Building Self Confidence: 7 Qualities Praise Must Have to Build Confidence and Self Esteem

I think the most important leadership characteristic is the ability to build confidence in others. If you can have a staff filled with motivated, self-assured people willing to be creative and push the limits, your department or business will prosper.

If you’re a parent, other than good health, what more could you want than a child with good self-esteem. A confident child is less likely to do poorly in school, succumb to peer pressure, and suffer from anxiety and depression.

So, how do you go about building confidence in others?

What most people do is begin to lavish on praise. This is not the best approach.

While giving praise is certainly important and MUCH better than not giving attention or being critical or negative, some types of praise increase confidence while others decrease confidence.

Here are the characteristics of praise that builds confidence:

1) It is sincere. What makes praise sincere? The delivery. You stop what you’re doing and look at the person. Smile. If you can’t take the time to attend to the person, they’ll figure you don’t really care. Showing your genuine emotion contributes to the sincerity of the feedback.

2) It is specific. Saying “great job,” is not as powerful as saying exactly what you’re pleased with—keep the next point in mind when you do this…

3) It focuses on effort. When you praise effort people feel like they can reproduce the positive experience in the future, all they need to do is put the effort in. When you praise ability (“you’re so smart,”) people feel like they have to prove themselves and live up to that label which creates anxiety.

4) It is sporadic. This is another counterintuitive point. Research shows that variable reinforcement is more powerful than reinforcing a behavior every time. If you say it every time it loses its power and doesn’t get attended to as much.

5) It is sometimes “constructive.” Don’t feel that you can never give someone negative feedback for fear of damaging their self-esteem. Constructive feedback is important. If you’ve played a sport you know that the coach typically gives more attention (often in the form of criticism) to the top players. Keep the ratio of positive to negative around 4:1.

6) It doesn’t “sandwich” or use techniques. I don’t recommend using the sandwich technique of praise, criticism, praise. When you do this, people just hear the “but…” piece. Over time they’ll tune out the positive and wait for the negative. Instead delivery each piece of feedback separately using the 4:1 ratio discussed above.

7) It encourages learning. Praise that encourages growth, even mistakes and failures, opens people up to take risks and try new things. They figure that you must really believe in their ability to do it (or, more importantly, to handle it if it doesn’t go well) which boosts self confidence.

Who can you help by using these techniques for praise to build their self-confidence?

Not only will you help them feel and perform great, but you will as well. Try it. You’ll see.

If you find these tips helpful and would like more specific strategies on personal leadership, have a look at The Confident Leader. Leadership in all you do begins with you.

Making Decisions: How Over-Thinking Can Lead to Poor Decisions (and What to Do About It)

2009-12-30T10:33:23-05:00

A friend recently asked my opinion about whether she and her husband should buy a new house. She explained that she loved the house because it has many intriguing features—for example, it’s on a river and her boys could go tubing down the river in the summer. The downside is that living in that home would make her commute substantially longer. She asked my opinion based on research on decision-making.

Both Our Hearts and Our Heads Can Lead Us Astray

I told her I wasn’t sure. On the one hand, research shows that people’s satisfaction at work is most closely related to their daily interactions with their direct supervisor. This shows that the seemingly mundane things (like your supervisor’s communication style or my friend’s commute) are crucial and should be given significant weight.

On the other hand, I thought about research on intuition and decision making which shows that people tend to be happiest when going with their gut reactions rather than what they come up with when they rationally go through the process. Over thinking can create a less favorable outcome. In fact, we tend to be most satisfied when we don’t need to explain (to ourselves or others) why we selected what we did.

Relevancy and Good Decisions

I favored this second approach but I wasn’t completely sure so I did a little more research. I found a study of 900 women conducted by Daniel Kahneman and his colleague Alan Krueger, the majority of whom said that their commute was the worst part of their day.

Hmmm, maybe my friend should question the daily impact more carefully. But her gut told her the house was a good fit for her family.

Weighing the Factors

It felt right to my friend to have an active lifestyle on the river. However, would her family take advantage of the river on a regular basis? It would need to be enough to offset the tough commute. They’d only make use of the river for about half the year. Many people choose a larger house over a location closer to their work and regret it because the benefit of, for example, a larger master bedroom, does not outweigh the cost of a long commute to work.

So how do we balance out the different variables to make good decisions?

I recommend:

1) Get in touch with your intuition—what feels right.

2) Ask yourself if what feels right will be relevant much of the time.

3) Don’t think anymore. If you over-think step 2 you can talk yourself into anything (and out of the best decision)!

Moving Day! Revamping my blog, overcoming resistance, grateful for support

2009-12-14T14:28:17-05:00

I always get nostalgic on moving day. This move is a minor one (we just moved all of the materials about marketing a small business to ThePsychologyofMarketing.com) but for some reason I'm still nostalgic. Maybe it's the time of year with the holidays, or because I spent the past weekend with my best friend from growing up, or because my son is now almost 1 (and has his first tooth), but I feel that combined sense of missing the old and excitement for the new.

The old part that I'll miss is the ease and simplicity of having just one blog. It's funny, I always coach my business owner clients on the importance of speaking to just one market at a time but I resisted doing this myself for a long time (I think because I didn't want to write a second blog!). I've taken the plunge and now it's definitely worth it.

When I've moved, as I have many times in the past, one thing I'm always grateful for is the people who help. My husband and I hired movers for the first time the last time, and I was grateful to them-- they had to move us down 3 flights of stairs (no elevator) from a loft apartment on a 100 degree day (with 80% humidity!) in August. Before that, it's always been friends and family generously helping with the move.

With the blog migration, I am very grateful to my virtual assistant Rhonda Embry and the great people at TypePad support services (blog owners, I highly recommend their Tune Up services).

Anyway, if you're a business owner, please join me over at ThePsychologyofMarketing.com or Twitter and if not and you're looking for more professional and personal development tips, stay here, you're in the right place!

Happy Holidays!

Larina Kase

P.S. It took me several years to overcome my resistance to doing what I knew I needed to do (separate my blogs). Fear creates resistance (my fear was, well, is, having less time). What are you currently resisting? What fears does it bring up? Simply acknowledging the resistance is the important first step.

Oh, Technology!

2009-12-08T22:47:52-05:00

Well, I've overcome my technophobia. I'm not scared of technology any more. After setting up two blogs, getting a bunch of applications working, and teaching myself (very basic) video editing, I realize that I can handle it.

But I still don't like it!

The latest-- this blog feed to Twitter and Facebook randomly stopped working and it took 15 hours (!) to send a video to a colleague (not 15 hours of my time, just the transfer on the background of my computer)... nothing big, just enough to be frustrating on top of a busy day.

I advise clients to conquer their fears and THEN see if they want to do something or outsource it. I think I'm ready to outsource all technology! :)

What aspect of your work or life are you read to outsource?

Meeting People: How to Confidently Network and Meet New People Even If You’re a Shy Person

2009-11-10T22:33:31-05:00

As you know no matter what your professional goal, it’s crucial to be able to meet new people. Whether you’re trying to market yourself, share your ideas in meetings, expand your network, or build rapport and relationships, you need to excel at meeting new people.

This skill can be more difficult for people who are naturally introverted or shy. Shy people can be socially skilled but take longer to warm up and get comfortable or get overwhelmed when in groups or the center of attention.

Why are some people more confident than others—is it shyness?

Researcher Jennifer Beer recently conducted a study in which she filmed people meeting for the first time. She measured their shyness level and their mindsets, and their behaviors were coded by trained evaluators.

A fascinating result emerges

Those who had a fixed or stable mindset (they see their success as only due to their abilities) who were shy fared less well in meeting new people, appearing anxious and awkward, even after five minutes of interacting.

Those who had a growth mindset (seeing their success as a work in progress that improves with practice) were similarly uncomfortable during the first five minutes, but after that, they appeared more likeable and sociable.

Why did this happen?

The growth-minded people were able to see the situation as a challenge, whereas the fixed-minded people were focused on not making mistakes. They were more focused on themselves and how they were coming across, making them more insecure and self conscious.

What this means for you if you’re shy is three-fold:

1) By no means does being shy mean that you cannot be skilled in meeting new people.

2) Growth-mindset is important in becoming more confident. Look at the situation as an evolving challenge rather than a judgment of your worth as a person. Remember that a fixed mindset drains confidence over-time, whereas the growth mindset helps you build it.

3) If you are shy, you need to stay with the social situation long enough that you get more comfortable—in this study it was around 5 minutes. When you stick with it, you will soon show your natural likeability.

For more interesting research on the psychology of confidence and personal leadership development, have a look at my book The Confident Leader.

Do You Have Shiny Bright Object Syndrome? How to Get Focused and Finish What You Start (on Time)

2009-10-21T20:19:55-04:00

A lesson that I’m constantly learning is how to edit. I need to edit my writing, my business, and my life. The reason that I keep learning this lesson is that I have the bad habit of taking on too much. I have a lot of interest and it’s hard to let things go. Does this sound familiar?

A lot of entrepreneurs are like this. We have “Shiny bright object syndrome.” (My 6 month old is like this too!). It’s one of the things that makes us excel. It keeps things fun and interesting. It can also be a problem because we get scattered, don’t finish things, and get too busy. We begin one marketing activity only to get sidetracked with another. We focus in on one target market only to switch to another.

In today’s article, adapted from my book The Confident Leader, I share some of the challenges and suggestions for change.

Many if not most of the entrepreneurs I work with have a bit of this “syndrome.” We think, “What’s this new and exciting thing?” (Then, 5 minutes later) “Oh- woah, what’s that new and exciting thing?!” This is you if you:

Work with 10 windows open at once on your computer.
Have 5 books that you’ve begun but haven’t finished.
Get a rush from starting something new.
Have diverse interests and hate to be locked in to one thing.
Are extremely busy but often unaware of what you complete.
Are easily bored and often looking for something that will interest you.
Have been described as “well-rounded,” “A renaissance-type,” or “ADD.”

In fact, there is a personality trait called “Sensation Seeking,” which many entrepreneurs possess. It’s one of the more genetic personality traits and it entails enjoying novelty and dislike routine.

In a great book called Refuse to Choose, author Barbara Sher creates a profile of what she calls “Scanners.” A Scanner is someone who meets the above criteria and who has difficulty limiting themselves to one field. The difficulty is that Scanners believe they need to limit themselves, so they continuously feel disappointed in themselves and that they are letting down others.

This is why Scanners frequently experience discomfort. Instead Sher recommends embracing your Scanner ways. Carry a notebook like DaVinci used to have to write down all your brilliant brainstorms and all-over-the-place thoughts.

Sher recommends backward planning. Start with your end goal and write it in a circle on the right of a horizontal piece of paper. Then ask yourself, “Could I achieve that goal right now? If not, what would I need?” then write that in a circle to the left and ask yourself the same question. Keep doing this until you get to an action that you can do right now and then circle it and say “Now!”

Action Steps

These action steps are based on the 6 step GROWTH model in my book The Confident Leader:

Step 1: Get Your Vision and Intention — Picture how you’ll feel when you’re done. It can be exciting to start new things, but instead envision the wonderful feeling you’ll have when you get something done and check it off your list.
Step 2: Realize Your Commitment — Are you really ready? Maybe you’re beginning many different things because you aren’t ready to commit to the one. Figure out which one is the most important or easiest and commit to that one.
Step 3: Organize Your Team — Get accountable. Ask your colleagues and set up joint venture partnerships to hold you accountable for doing what you say you’re going to do when you say you’re going to do it. This accountability will help you form new habits.
Step 4: Win with the Right Decisions – Decide what not to do. Saying no to those things that do not fit within our strategic plan is the key to focus and productivity.
Step 5: Turn Anxiety into Optimal Energy — Overcome your fears. Write down what you’re concerned will happen if you keep focused on one (or two or three) things and let others go.
Step 6:— Harness Your Strengths and Release Control – Engage your strengths in every task. When faced with something you don’t feel like doing, challenge yourself to use your strengths to make it successful.

5 Steps to Becoming the CEO of Your Career

2009-10-15T23:37:50-04:00

Do you want to earn more, work less, and find greater enjoyment in your job or business?

Are you stressed out or burned out and ready to get into the driver’s seat of your career

If so, I’d love to help you. Here is a five-step program to help you take your career where you want it to go. aAs the CEO, you’ll be in charge, and you’ll create the profitable career you really want. Before we get started on the journey, answer this question:

What are some important characteristics or qualities of effective CEOs?

Here are some of my answers to this question:

They have a solid vision and plan for their company
The have specific short-term goals to attain long-term objectives
They understand the strategic positioning of their company in the marketplace
They are inspirational, proactive, action-oriented leaders

Here’s how you can create these qualities of effective CEOs.

Step 1: Create a Solid Vision

As a CEO has a strong vision for where the company is headed, you need to have a vision for your career. This vision will guide decision making, inspire and motivate you, and keep you going in the right direction.

The most powerful vision will be motivated by what’s important to you. When your vision is built upon your values, it’s more likely to be achieved. You’ll feel like you’re on a mission

Exercise: Brainstorm your core career values. These are things like, “Achieve balance to have time for family, “Earn a lucrative income,” and “Have room for continuous learning and growth.” Come up with values and rank-order them. Then use them to create a vision for yourself.

Step 2: Have a Solid Plan: Short Term and Long Term Goals

Goals are great if you make the right ones. Make all your goals SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timed.

Create your shorter-term goals for 1 year and 2-5 years. Then create your longer-term goals for 5-10, 10-20, 20+ years.

Make sure that your goals are driven by your vision and career values. Once you have your goals, it’s time to brainstorm creative ways to make them happen.

Exercise: Write down all your career goals- don’t forget to put them in the SMART format. Then divide them into categories: Short-term (1-5 years), medium term (5-7 years) and long-term (7+ years)

Step 3: Strategic Positioning

For a company to be successful, the CEO must have a clear understanding of where the company’s market values lies in comparison to competitors. What’s your market value? Do you know? If not, ask people, “How do you think I contribute to this company?” Look at your performance evaluations and find your key strengths.

As CEO of your career, do a SWOT analysis on your own competitive position in the marketplace. Analyze your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.

Exercise: List your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats in comparison to your peers, colleagues, and coworkers. Once you know your strengths and opportunities, start promoting and marketing yourself and achieve the goals you described in step 2.

Step 4: Bottom Line Profits and Success

Carefully review whether your career is currently in a deficit or creating profit for you. Use your vision and values to make this determination. Remember that profit includes money but also things like time, happiness, and significance.

What you are getting out of your career and what you are putting into it?

Do the liabilities and losses outweigh the assets and profits? If so, you’ll need to take action (see step #5).

Exercise: Create a P & L (profit and loss) statement. Determine exactly where you’re benefiting (profits) and where you aren’t achieving what you want (losses).

Step 5: Be Daring and Take Action

Now that you know your strengths and weaknesses, you can take positive action!

Address your weaknesses by requesting additional trainings, partnering with a colleague, speaking with more people who you can learn from, hiring a consultant or coach, and gaining confidence by pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.

Address your strengths by celebrating your successes, recognizing opportunities for advancement, requesting a promotion or salary raise, mentoring others, or starting your own company.

And don’t forget about the P & L statement. Be proactive and turn your losses into profits. For example, if your “loss” is that you work too much and aren’t earning enough, look for ways to delegate, become more focused and less distracted, and get organized so you get your work done more quickly.

Exercise: Create one action step for your strengths and opportunities, one for your weaknesses and threats, one for your profits (to build on what you’re doing right), and one to turn losses into profits. Make sure that all action steps are in line with your values, vision, strategy and goals.

Follow these five steps and you’re sure to have the mindset, confidence, strategy, and action to be the CEO of your career. Enjoy the profits and rewards you create for yourself and others!

Achievement Motivation: How to Frame Goals to Increase Intrinsic Motivation

2009-09-30T07:48:50-04:00

We all face times when we lack motivation. It turns out that there may be something similar about these times: the language we use to set goals. There are ways of framing goals that boost motivation and ways that sap motivation.

Today’s article is adapted from the chapter on building motivation in yourself, your supervisees, and your children in my book The Confident Leader.

If you’re a parent, this is particularly important for how you frame experiences with your kids because we learn intrinsic motivation early in life.

Enjoy and post questions or comments below.

You know goals are important, and may have heard that the best goals are SMART: Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, and Time-limited. What you may not know how important the language you use to frame your goal is. In 2002, motivation researchers from Rochester, NY and France learned something interesting from how teenagers dribbled basketballs.

3 Ways to Frame Goals

Students were randomly assigned to one of three groups. In the first group called “Performance-Approach,” they were told that their dribbling would be filmed to select those with the best dribbling, and the video would be shown to other students to teach dribbling. The second group, called “Performance-Avoidance” was told the opposite, that tapes of students with the worst dribbling would be selected to help other students learn what errors to avoid. A third group of students, called “Mastery Group” were told that the purpose was to assess the teaching of dribbling, and they would have two attempts to work on improving.

The only difference in the 3 groups was these 30-second instructions. Intrinsic motivation was measured by how long students continued to dribble when the evaluator told them they had free time.

Which Worked Best?

Results showed that students in the Performance-Approach and Mastery Group had equally high levels of intrinsic motivation, significantly higher than those in the Performance-Avoidance group. Three variables explained this:

1) Competence (how capable you feel).

2) State anxiety (how nervous you are in the moment).

3) Task absorption (how much you’re concentrating on the activity).

When you focus on the prospect of failure (as in the Performance Avoidance group), you feel less confident, become more anxious, and are not engaged in the task.

Take Away Points

Here are lessons learned from these basketball dribblers:

1) Create Performance Approach or Mastery goals for yourself or others to build optimal motivation and effort.

2) Keep yourself and those you motivate (your supervisees, your employees, your children, your peers) focused on success rather than the prospect of failure.

3) Boost motivation by recognizing people for what they do well rather than publicly pointing out mistakes.

4) Increase intrinsic motivation by allowing for unstructured time to continue a task.

5) Keep in mind that while mastery goals can be quite motivating, there are times when they aren’t a good idea because they can encourage you to keep going down dead ends, rather than strategically moving on.

6) And if you find yourself going into the Performance-Avoidance mentality, bring yourself back by getting absorbed in the task, and focusing on learning and the process.

Experiment with how you frame your goals and see if you feel differently and get better results.

Have a look at the book for more research-based tips on improving energy and motivation, making difficult decisions, and being the Confident Leader in your work and life.

The 5 P's to Powerful Presence

2009-09-24T17:45:48-04:00

Presence is a hard thing to define—it’s something that is felt rather than thought. Imagine someone with incredible presence entering the room… She automatically takes up space and commands attention. Her presence is magnetic, drawing others to her. She holds herself with grace and poise. She is clearly a confident leader in all she does.

Your presence communicates “I have something valuable to add here. If you’re wise, you’ll look at me and listen.” Presence is similar to charisma. The slight difference is that presence conveys authority and intelligence. A trendy Hollywood actor may have great charm and charisma, but lacks the presence of the classic Oscar-winning actors who are charismatic but also convey credibility and power.

Everyone can achieve a powerful presence. While research shows that certain characteristics (such as being tall and physically fit) automatically enhance presence, you can have a wonderful presence no matter what your natural attributes are.

Here I’ll share with you my 5 P’s to creating your powerful presence.

#1: Posture
Nothing instantly shows your authority as well as standing and taking up all the space in the room you deserve. Good posture is more than standing tall. It’s also about keeping your shoulders back, neck stretched, chin slightly tilted up, pelvis slightly tilted down, and feet firmly planted on the ground with your weight back in your heels.

If you’re unsure where your perfect posture is, consult a physical therapist or personal trainer. If you’re like most of us who sit hunched over at a computer all day, your posture is less than ideal.

#2: Poise
Poise is grace under pressure. Unfortunately many people are never able to exhibit poise because they are too afraid of failing. You may think that to have presence and convey authority, you need to be perfect and professional. The problem with this approach is that you may be too careful, thereby limiting your natural charisma, and preventing yourself from making mistakes.

You need to face the fire to convey your poise. Bring on challenges. Confront difficult situations and people. Show that you care but also stay calm and hold your ground. Your poise will shine through.

#3: Polish
A polished appearance is key to your presence. A disheveled appearance, wrinkled clothes, mismatched colors, and an out-of-date look greatly undermine your authority.

People who present themselves attractively are better able to influence others and command respect. If you don’t know what colors, fits, and fabrics look best on you, check with an image consultant or go to a high-end department store or boutique where they will measure and fit you.

#4: Projection
Project your voice with the right volume and pitch. Show that you have something valuable to say by speaking clearly and loudly. If you are a natural mumbler and soft-speaker, practice articulation by recording yourself speaking.

Know your natural voice. If you speak too loudly, have a scratchy throat, or have a very high-pitched voice, your voice may grate on people, so it’s worth working on. Projection comes from your mind as much as your vocal cords- have confidence in what you say, and you’ll naturally project.

#5: Pay Attention
Ninety percent of your attention should be on the person you’re speaking with, and 10% should be on yourself. You want to pay attention to yourself to be aware of your posture (keep it open) and facial expression (relaxed and warm).

When you pay attention to others, you enhance your charisma and personal magnetism. We like those who like us. Genuinely convey your interest in others and you’ll enhance your likeability, personal power and presence. You’ll be better able to communicate your ideas, positively influence others, and make a real difference.

As you practice these 5 P’s to your powerful presence, you’ll find that they are not difficult. They should be natural extensions of you—if you’re trying too hard and forcing it, you will get the opposite effect…You may be seen as arrogant or insecure. To practice, simply keep one or a couple of the P’s in the back of your mind—you don’t need to try to do them. When in doubt, simply use empathy and focus on others, and you can’t go wrong.

Maximizing Performance Appraisals

2009-09-18T15:27:10-04:00

As you know, performance appraisals can be very stressful for both the employee and the manager. Let’s explore how to make them not only useful and less stressful, but a productivity and loyalty-boosting experience.

How Managers Can Effectively Face Performance Appraisals

For the manager, these evaluations are difficult, especially when constructive criticism needs to be given. While it is important that managers give honest and direct feedback, they often fear compromising the quality of the relationship with their employees, hurting the individual’s feelings, decreasing morale and teamwork. Managers worry about how employees will take feedback and whether it will be taken out of context. Managers sometimes doubt their own leadership abilities and wonder, “who am I to give this type of feedback?”

It is also common for managers to dislike the performance appraisal where almost everything is positive because they worry that their employees will then slack off or think that they are pushovers for going so easy on them.

Setting up Your Session

Frame the session within the employee’s goals for her career and your goals for her and the company. Create direct links to using the session to make changes with specific incentives. The worst thing to do is not to follow-up because that sends the message that the session was not important. Make sure that the employee has the necessary resources to make the changes you are asking him to make.

Delivering Difficult Feedback

The best performance appraisals do not present any shocking information. Managers should give ongoing feedback to employees so employees know what to expect in their appraisals. This reduces the anxiety on both sides and improves the usefulness of the appraisals. Follow-up on the appraisals is equally important.

The employee will best hear feedback (positive or negative) when it helps them to accomplish their goals. If the manager can frame negative feedback as help or advice that can enable the employee to reach his career goals, it will be taken much better and even appreciated. It is also important to balance negative with positive feedback so the employee does not dismiss the important negative feedback as the manager being overly critical.

If your employee reacts negatively, here are a few tips. First, recognize that the employee is likely to have that reaction because they care about their position and want to do a good job. Second, try to empathize with their position or put yourself in their shoes. For a crying employee, you can say, “I see it is very important to you to do well in this position and I really appreciate that. Would you be willing to work together to make that happen?” Third, address the behavior specifically.

If the behavior is inappropriate, the employee needs to know. A good way to diffuse a defensive response is to give specific, concrete, behavioral examples. Fourth, if the employee is having a strong emotional reaction and not hearing your feedback, schedule a follow-up session to discuss it when he is feeling calmer.

How Employees Can Effectively Face Performance Appraisals

For the employees, performance appraisals are inherently difficult because evaluations are naturally anxiety-provoking. For most people, it is intimidating to feel that you are being critically evaluated.

Many employers are not the best about giving regular feedback, employees are often unsure what to expect and the fear of the unknown is difficult. There is often a good deal riding on these evaluations (your job, a promotion, a raise, etc) so that adds pressure to it.

When you have a review, go in with a strong working knowledge of your own performance appraisal. Know where you have been excelling and where you have been weaker. Proactively saying, “I have struggles a bit on this account and want to improve my sales skills,” will come across very well to your manager and make her want to help you. Also prepare specific questions and ideas about what you need to do your job better. Be careful not to complain but to request specific resources or assistance to help you perform your best.

Recognize whether your boss is giving you helpful criticism or whether he is being overly critical or malicious. If it is the latter, do your best to remove yourself emotionally from the situation and let the criticism roll off you. If your boss is reasonable and has some helpful pointers and ideas, remind yourself how the criticism will help you and that your boss’s purpose is to help you perform your best.

Creating Lasting Change

It’s critical for both employees and managers to follow up on the feedback in the performance appraisal. Employees can ask for and be open to both positive and negative feedback, and managers can go out of their way to provide employees with ongoing support and suggestions for improvement.

What we all really want is ATTENTION

2009-09-10T09:22:28-04:00

I’d like to share an excellent article by bestselling author and thought-leader David Meerman Scott. I had the privilege of interviewing him and really enjoy his ideas.

I'd like to be bold and boil down thousands of conversations I've had over the past ten years as well as about five years blogging into one word: ATTENTION.

Entrepreneurs, CEOs, and business owners want people to pay attention to their company. Marketers, PR pros, advertisers, and salespeople are on the payroll for one reason: To generate attention.

In thinking about attention, there seem to be four main ways to generate it today. As I evaluate companies on a regular basis it seems that they are spending too much time, money, and effort on three ways of generating attention, and not enough on a fourth way, which is to earn attention by publishing great information online that people will find.

You can BUY attention. (This is called advertising). You buy access to people through television commercials, magazine and newspaper ads, the Yellow Pages, billboards, tradeshow floor space, direct mail lists, and the like. Advertising agency staffers are really good at buying attention. The problem is that whenever you have an attention problem and consult an advertising agency, the solution always involves buying attention.

You can BEG for attention. (This is called Public Relations). You beg for access via the editorial gatekeepers at radio and TV stations, magazines, newspapers, trade journals, and more and more these days, bloggers, podcasters and other social networking sites. I realize that the word "beg" is a little extreme, but in my former life as VP of corporate communications for several public companies I did feel a bit like a beggar. And these days I get hundreds of pitches a month from people (usually PR agency staffers) who want me to write about something in the magazine articles I write or my blog or books and many of these pitches have a whiff of desperation about them. Public Relations agency staffers are really good at begging for attention. The problem is that whenever you have an attention problem and consult a public relations agency, the solution always involves generating attention from third parties.

You can BUG people one at a time to get attention. (This is called sales). You knock on doors, call people on the telephone, send personal emails, or wait for individuals to walk into your showroom. Again, sorry about the extreme nature of the word "bug" but that's what I feel when the confronted with pushy sales tactics. Salespeople are really good at getting attention one person at a time. The problem is that whenever you have an attention problem and consult a sales professional, the solution always involves generating attention one person at a time.

You can EARN attention online. (There is debate on what this is called.) People have referred to creating information on the Web as "inbound marketing," "new marketing," "social media marketing," "content marketing," and "permission marketing." The idea of all of these is creating something interesting and publishing it online for free: A YouTube video, blog, research report, series of photos, twitter stream, ebook, Facebook fan page and the like. An increasing cadre of social media gurus claim to be really good at generating attention through social media. The problem is that whenever you have an attention problem and consult a social media guru, the solution always involves earning attention by publishing content online.

I recommend that every businessperson know what the four ways to generate attention are. And you should understand the point of view of the person you are talking with about attention, especially when there is the inevitable pushback about earning attention through what I call the new rules of marketing and PR.

Most organizations have a corporate culture around one of these approaches to generating attention. (Examples: P&G primarily generates attention through advertising, Apple via PR, EMC via sales, and Zappos via social media). Often the defining organizational culture is because the founder or the CEO has a strong point of view. When the CEO comes up through the sales track, all attention problems are likely to become sales problems.

Chances are that your CEO did not come up via the social media track. So you’ll have to convince your boss to invest in social media. Most organizations over spend on advertising and sales and under-invest in social media, but nearly all organizations should be doing some combination of all four ways of generating attention.

David Meerman Scott is a marketing strategist, keynote speaker, seminar leader,
and the author of the award-winning BusinessWeek best-selling book The New Rules of
Marketing and PR: How to use news releases, blogs, viral marketing and online media
to reach buyers directly, which is being published in 24 languages and the new hit
book World Wide Rave: Creating Triggers that Get Millions of People to Spread Your
Ideas and Share Your Stories. He is a recovering VP of marketing for two publicly
traded technology companies and was also Asia marketing director for Knight-Ridder,
at the time one of the world’s largest newspaper and electronic information companies.
David has lived and worked in New York, Tokyo, Boston, and Hong Kong and has presented
at industry conferences and events in over forty countries.

Check out his blog http://www.webinknow.com/

Follow him on Twitter http://twitter.com/dmscott

Download his free ebook The New Rules of Viral Marketing: How word-of-mouse spreads your ideas for free at http://www.davidmeermanscott.com/documents/Viral_Marketing.pdf

Improve Your Work Relationships

2009-09-04T11:07:28-04:00

Much of your workplace success is based not on what you do but who you know. The better your relationships with coworkers and others in your workplace, the better your career will go. Here are 7 simple steps to improving your relationships at work.

1) Make small talk: Get to know your coworkers so it does not always seem all about work. The key to making appropriate office small talk is to not get too personal too soon. Keep it general at first and then gradually work your way up to discussing family and more personal issues when your coworker is also moving in that direction of discussions. Also keep small talk at work limited (don’t go on and on) to respect everyone’s tight deadlines.

2) Help each other out: Show them that you are willing and able to help them out when they are under a tight deadline. Not only will they reciprocate for you, but they will begin to trust and depend on you.

3) Ask them for their thoughts and opinions: This is a great way to show them that you really value and respect them. People like those who they feel like them. Show them that you value their advice and feedback.

4) Get away from the office gossip: Even if you have resolved not too gossip about your coworkers, you can be guilty by association. When workplace gossip starts, excuse yourself. This will show people that you will not be involved in the gossip and that they can trust you.

5) Do little things like get them holiday cards or birthday cards, congratulate them on their good work, and offer to grab them some lunch when you are going out.

6) Let others take the credit when they have done most of the work. If you are incorrectly given credit and praise, acknowledge the coworker who deserves the accolades.

7) Handle workplace conflict seamlessly: If you are not directly involved in the conflict, stay out of it, at least initially. If you decide you must get involved, plan out some negotiation strategies ahead of time and facilitate the resolution of the conflict. The key is to show that you care, but without becoming rash or worked up.

These tips, while effective, may not work in every workplace and with every person. When in doubt, ask. Ask your coworkers how you can best help them. Most importantly, be sure to follow up and keep your word by doing what you say you’re going to do.