Mindset of Success: The Science of Personal Leadership Development

Lessons From A Cell Phone Free 4 Months

2010-07-26T11:24:24-04:00

Last fall I got a fabulous cell phone that I used for everything. I checked my email and Twitter updates while in line at the grocery store. I scheduled all of my appointments with it. I basically depended on it for everything. After only a few months with my new phone it died. It was my fault (my baby used it as a teether) so it was not covered by any warranties.

I made a crazy decision: Go without a phone. I had no idea what would come of it but I believe in the importance of challenging ourselves and figured it would be a good way to practice what I preach. At a minimum it could help me with breaking a bad habit, and at the maximum, who knew?

I wasn’t sure if I could do it, and it’s been tough. Very tough. But it’s taught me some valuable lessons. No pain, no gain, eh?

First, I learned how to be more present. With the phone I was tempted to constantly multitask and do a million things. Without the phone I reconnected with what it’s like to just be and not do.

Sometimes we live like human doings rather than human beings. When we’re mindful and fully present in what we do, we may do less but we experience so much more. There’s a reason it’s called mind-FULL-ness, we are more filled with what’s important and more fulfilled. It’s the difference between eating candy for lunch and eating a healthy balanced meal.

Second, I better focused on my son. All of those moments of “I’ll just check one thing,” can add up. I worried that my son would come to think that he came second and receive only divided attention. Now, when I work I work and when I play I play.

Third, I connected with my intuition. You never know when your intuition will strike . Problem is, if it’s ready to strike while you’re doing other things, you won’t hear it. The best way to listen to intuition is to allow quite time and space. Whether you’re going for a walk or standing in a line, let your intuition go to work while you aren’t working.

Fourth, I was safer to myself and others. I use a headset while driving but the distraction of talking on the phone makes you less focused on driving. I took for granted that I can drive on autopilot with minimal effort, and that is true, but I’ve learned that I can drive much better and safer when I pay attention.

Fifth, I’ve developed my patience. I’m not naturally a patient person. I really need to work on it. Before I felt like I was constantly on the go and in a hurry. Now I’ve learned that I don’t have to do everything the second I want to, and I have a new general sense of calm and peace that others have picked up on.

Finally, I’ve learned that most things are not urgent. This goes along with the patience thing. We often feel like something is urgent when in reality it can wait.

Now that I’m getting my new cell phone, I’ve committed to making some changes. I do not have great will power so I must keep temptation at bay. I will not take it with me everywhere or have it nearby when it’s playtime with my son. I will keep it in the trunk of my car when I drive. And I will love having it with me when I do!

What challenge can you take on to learn important lessons? Is there anything that you’ve come to depend on? Or that keeps you away from being present and mindful in the moment? Can you challenge yourself to 4 months (or even 4 days) without it?

The Unknown Type of Procrastination: Trying to Do Too Much

2010-06-30T15:08:43-04:00

Procrastination is often about avoidance of an undesirable activity. It may be that when you do too much, you choose things that are more desirable—even if the less desirable activity isn’t horrible, you just choose to do something else.

Another factor is curiosity. When something comes up (like email messages) we feel like we just have to find out what they’re about. As a result, we end up putting off or procrastinating on something else.

The short-term rewards always outweigh the long-term unless you make a conscious effort otherwise.

So what can we do differently? We can learn a lesson from the simple ABC’s: Antecedents, Behaviors, Consequences

For example, if I tried to squeeze in emails and ended up being late for an appointment, I could write down:

Antecedents:

1) Not giving myself a cushion of time. My 20 minute drive-time calculation was based on an ideal scenario rather than a real scenario. Even if I’d gotten off the computer on time, I would have been late.

2) I told myself that checking and answering 5 important emails would only take 10 minutes, when I know in reality it takes longer.

Behaviors: Checking my email messages and starting to respond to them until I realized I was very late.

Consequences: I was 10 minutes late to my appointment. Experienced a lot of stress rushing there. I felt bad because my whole schedule gets thrown off when my clients are late, so I know how horrible it is to have people be late. I had to wait and ended up wasting time.

Next time you’re faced with a similar situation, you can take out your ABC’s and remember not to make the same mistakes twice.

Whenever you risk cramming too much in and putting off what you really need to be doing, think of the ABC's. You can do them pro-actively about being on time:

Antecedents: Decide that wild horses can’t stop me from being out the door at 12:35

Behaviors: Turn off computer at 12:30 and get everything together. Leave at 12:35

Consequences: Feel great that I’m on time and didn’t keep people waiting. Save time by being seen right away. Check emails when I get home and have more time.

Soon you’ll see that overcoming procrastination is as easy as 1-2-3 (or A-B-C)! Well, maybe it isn’t so easy, but it’s a habit you can break and it will feel great.

Learn more strategies for making important changes in life and business with my book The Confident Leader, about which international bestselling author Kevin Hogan said, “This groundbreaking book will become a classic.”

Update to last post about important decisions and my dog Casey

2010-06-29T21:03:54-04:00

I got so many emails and comments about my last post and I greatly appreciate the thoughts, concern, and encouragement.

I'm happy to say that my dog Casey is doing much better. We've been doing intensive behavioral training with him and he seems less fearful and more confident, even around my son. We still keep them separated if we aren't right there to supervise, but overall it is going better.

Now I'm expecting baby #2 this fall so we'll see how he does with two kids!

We'll be ramping the training back up as soon as that little one can crawl, I'm sure.

Making Life-Altering Decisions

2010-04-20T11:00:00-04:00

Making Important, Challenging, Life-Altering Decisions

My husband and I have recently been struggling with an agonizing decision—whether we need to remove our dog Casey from our home. Casey is afraid of children. When dogs are scared they often become aggressive because they feel they have to defend themselves. It would be fine to keep Casey away from kids except we have a one year old who is learning how to walk, and will be running around before we know it.

Difficult Decisions

Our vet and trainer have recommended “rehoming” (a verb I wish I never had to learn) him or constantly monitoring him and keeping him separated from our son Landon.

Neither option is appealing—either we go through the sadness of losing him and removing him from his sister and best friend (our other dog, Maggie) or live in a constant state of hyper-vigilance.

As you know from my other articles and blog posts, much of the research on decision-making points to how we tend to be happiest when we go with our intuition. As a rule I try to do this and it typically works, often in combination with some form of rationale analysis.

But what about when our emotions are involved?

Making decisions is challenging anytime, but especially when the decisions touch on our values and raise emotions. Emotions impact our ability to both think rationally and hear our intuition. With major decisions in life that touch upon our core values, emotions are likely to be heavily involved.

What I’ve learned in these instances is that we can do one of three things, any of which can be helpful and often a combination is best:

1)    Reduce negative emotion by doing something relaxing or invigorating and then listen to our intuition when we’re in a calm state of mind.

2)    Rely on our natural support systems—those who know us well and can help to connect us with our core values and beliefs. Those who are not implicated in the decision and can help us see the situation objectively.

3)    Rely on outside or expert opinion. There are some decisions that we are not qualified to make and we need to get assistance from a subject matter expert.

My husband and I are doing all of these with particular emphasis on #3. Human behavior I know well but I’m not an expert on dog behavior so I need a specialist to assess the risk level and guide us through the decision. Fortunately, my husband and I have a wonderful dog trainer and vet, both of whom have been working with our dogs for some time.

We’ve decided to do another month of training and to keep Casey and Landon separated unless we are supervising closely and then re-evaluate. It is tempting to make a decision right now to free us up from this anxiety of having to decide, but we believe this is the best course to take for the long-term good of our family.

I’ve found that the most important thing to do is to not constantly think about and analyze the situation. We can convince ourselves of anything and when we’re unclear we’ll convince ourselves of everything, adding to the confusion. It’s hard not to do this but I’m trying and it’s helping.

Are you faced with any emotional decisions? Any of this that you can use or any other things you’ve found helpful?

How To Assertively Address Conflict and Diffuse Tension

2010-03-30T14:45:00-04:00

Addressing conflict is one of the more challenging tasks we face in our professional and personal lives. Here are four ways to improve your conflict management skills:

#1: Start When It’s a Molehill, Not a Mountain

Most of us avoid addressing conflicts. At some point, however, we realize that the situation needs to be addressed. Unfortunately at that point, the conflict has escalated and it becomes harder to address. As you know, timing is everything.

Confront clashes when they are small before they spiral out of control. Proactively address the people involved and together brainstorm ways to solve the issue at hand. If you’re feeling nervous about doing this, do it anyway. Several great changes can result: your anxiety decreases, you build confidence and you diffuse the tension.

#2 Be Patient, Listen, and Express Empathy

The most important thing that you want to do is communicate empathy. If someone feels that you do not understand where they are coming from (even if you don’t agree with it), they will get stuck on trying to convince you to see their point of you.

When, however, someone feels that you have expressed accurate empathy and understanding of their point of view, they are more likely to remain open and hear your ideas.

Listening when you vehemently disagree with someone is challenging, but it will definitely pay off, so force yourself to do it. Don’t make assumptions. If you aren’t sure you understand where they’re coming from, ask a clarifying question like, “I hear you saying…Am I interpreting that correctly?”

#3 Use Assertive Communication and Tension Diffusing Skills

After you’ve expressed empathy, you don’t want to follow it up with a statement like, “but you never get your work done in time.” That will negate the empathy.

Avoid saying, “but.” Decrease defensiveness by using assertiveness skills, such as “I” language and not using global terms like “always” and “never” that put people on the defensive. (“I feel stressed out when we get close to a deadline.” rather than “you always get things to me late.”).

Assertively make specific requests for change and let employees know what is expected. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to try these strategies out to see what works in your situation. You’ll probably find that you have a great conflict manager inside you.

Don’t Let Anxiety Lead You Astray

In conducting research for my book The Confident Leader: How the Most Successful People Go from Effective to Exceptional, I found that our natural skills are often masked by anxiety. This means that you likely have the ability to handle conflict well, but when anxiety takes over, you’re likely to overcompensate (people please, become too tough, etc.).

When you’re in a relaxed state of mind, allow yourself to listen, to your trust your intuition about how to handle the discord. It will likely lead you in the right direction and you’ll see that you have an excellent conflict manager inside of you.
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When To Address Problems and When To Let Them Slide

2010-02-24T02:14:21-05:00

Conflict Management:
Deciding What to Address and What to Let Go

Do you avoid conflict and tense conversations? If so, you are not alone. Many people feel uncomfortable with conflict and stay away from it. After all, it’s human nature to take the path of least resistance. It’s always easier to do nothing than something, especially if the something is stressful.

Some people take the opposite approach—it makes them uncomfortable to let little things go. They’re perfectionists and have a hard time seeing how some issues are not critical, and how part of being a strategic leader is to let things go.

Which do you do?

The Covered Pot Syndrome

Keeping our frustrations to ourselves can create a covered pot syndrome: Your feelings are like boiling water in a covered pot, boiling over at the time we least want them to.

Our avoidance can let the conflict go to the point that it is much more difficult to manage. Pair that with your frustration (the boiling over) and you have a recipe for disaster.

As a confident leader in all your life roles (in your job or business, as a parent, as a sibling or neighbor, etc), the goal is to address situations that need to be addressed even if they are uncomfortable.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf Syndrome

At times it can be a smart strategy to let things go. If you address everything no one will take you seriously. They’ll think you’re a nitpicker and tune you out. As a leader, you need to show people that you can prioritize.

So, how do you decide when to address conflict and when to let it slide? Here are few things to consider:

1)    Frequency. Is it the first time someone has done something or is it part of an ongoing pattern?

2)    Severity. Is it a relatively minor issue that it makes sense to overlook or is it a top priority issue. Consider things like safety, impact on other projects, and impact on your credibility (your most important asset).

3)    Values. If something represents a major class with your personal value and ethical system, it often makes sense to address it or remove yourself from the situation.

4)    Other’s Needs. Something may not seem crucial to you, but it may to others. For example if your assistant is not getting something to a colleague that she needs to complete a project.

5)    Your Natural Tendency. If you tend to address everything, then look for opportunities to let things go. If you tend to avoid everything then look for opportunities to address conflicts.

Once you’ve determined whether or not to address something, there are some ways of doing so that can diffuse tension (yours and the other person’s). I’ll share these in another post.

Worry Makes Monsters Out of Shadows

2010-02-09T15:36:24-05:00

I like to say this ("Worry makes monsters out of shadows") because it's easy to lose perspective when we're worried about something.

Situations don't determine our feelings. Our responses to situations determine our feelings. What we think about the situation (our interpretation of it) determines how we'll feel and respond. This is why two people can be in the same situation and have totally different responses to it.

So what determines how we'll interpret something? There are many things but one of them is the frame of mind we're in as we enter the situation.

If we're already nervous or uncomfortable, we're more likely to interpret the situation in a way that makes us more nervous or uncomfortable.

What can we do about this?

The main thing, and easiest thing, is to remember this. It will help you regain perspective. If you find yourself reacting to a shadow (something small, benign) like it's a monster (something big, threatening), remind yourself that it may not be as bad as you think.

Turn the light on and see things differently. You'll see that it's likely much more manageable than it initially appeared.

What do you think James Arthur Ray's responsibility was in the 3 deaths at his spiritual warrior retreat?

2010-02-04T00:00:31-05:00

If you haven't seen the news, self-help guru James Arthur Ray was arrested and charged in the deaths of 3 members of his Spiritual Warrior event.

What do you think?

I have a lot of thoughts. It's late and they aren't well formed so bear with me. I do not know the details of the case and my intention is not to pass judgment, that does not help anyone, rather to explore factors that may have played a role which could help all of us in the future.

I highly doubt that Ray wanted this to happen. I do, however, think that leaders are responsible for the situations they design. Charisma, power, trust, authority are all tools for influence (they act on an emotional level which impacts the decisions others make), which of course can be used for good or evil. Evil can happen when leaders don't intend it if they are not careful. The more powerful these tools, the more careful the leader needs to be.

This tragic event seems like a devastating example of social psychology principles of mind control, group think, social pressure, obedience to authority...

I wonder if he would have set up that type of situation if he were truly aware of the social psychology and medical precedents with tragic outcomes. Had he done this research he would have spent a significant amount of time encouraging dissension (the #1 way to break group think), listening to your body, leaving and taking a break, etc... not just in a release for legal purposes but in a formal preparation. He would have had medical professional on hand, taken frequent breaks with the lights on, and so on...Again, I don't know if he designed these measures into the event or not.

From what I know of James Arthur Ray, he had a positive message to share. My guess is that after all of his fame and powerful healing sessions, he continued to up the ante. It may not have been a conscious intention (the fear that if he didn't provide a more intense experience each time he could lose his followers), and it certainly could have stemmed from a positive desire to provide greater help for his followers. I do think that somewhere along the way he should have gotten many outside perspective on the experiences he designed.

I hope other teachers, healers, seminar leaders, business leaders, members of the media, parents, etc, will take away the message that people's lives are literally in your heads and as a leader you accept a tremendous amount of responsibility.

We need to be mindful of treading very carefully with power, knowing the literature of potential responses in high social pressure group situations, encouraging people to break free from groups for any reason (in fact rewarding people for breaking free), and consulting with medical professionals when designing anything that involves heat, sweating, excessive drinking of water, etc.

And we all need to remember to listen carefully to our thoughts, feelings, and bodies. And as soon as we get that instinctual feeling that something isn't right, get out of the situation.

Building Self Confidence: 7 Qualities Praise Must Have to Build Confidence and Self Esteem

2010-01-28T15:01:19-05:00

Today’s article is inspired by my recent observations of both bosses and parents delivering praise. I’ve noticed that many well-meaning people are giving praise, apparently in effort to build someone’s self confidence, but the way they do it backfires.

It upsets me to see people with positive intentions who put forth solid effort but don’t get the results they want. I’ll share tips on how to help important people in your life build their confidence. This is a key concept in personal leadership.

Before reading the article, take a minute and think about the important people in your life and work: your family, your clients or customers, your employees, even your boss. Who can benefit from a self confidence boost? If you’re thinking something along the lines of, “my coworker is too darn confident, this doesn’t apply to her,” think again because people who are seemingly arrogant often suffer from a lack of true self confidence.

Whether you’re a parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent, neighbor, or friend, building confidence in children is one of the most important things you can do to leave a legacy and give back.

Enjoy the article and post comments or questions.

Building Self Confidence: 7 Qualities Praise Must Have to Build Confidence and Self Esteem

I think the most important leadership characteristic is the ability to build confidence in others. If you can have a staff filled with motivated, self-assured people willing to be creative and push the limits, your department or business will prosper.

If you’re a parent, other than good health, what more could you want than a child with good self-esteem. A confident child is less likely to do poorly in school, succumb to peer pressure, and suffer from anxiety and depression.

So, how do you go about building confidence in others?

What most people do is begin to lavish on praise. This is not the best approach.

While giving praise is certainly important and MUCH better than not giving attention or being critical or negative, some types of praise increase confidence while others decrease confidence.

Here are the characteristics of praise that builds confidence:

1) It is sincere. What makes praise sincere? The delivery. You stop what you’re doing and look at the person. Smile. If you can’t take the time to attend to the person, they’ll figure you don’t really care. Showing your genuine emotion contributes to the sincerity of the feedback.

2) It is specific. Saying “great job,” is not as powerful as saying exactly what you’re pleased with—keep the next point in mind when you do this…

3) It focuses on effort. When you praise effort people feel like they can reproduce the positive experience in the future, all they need to do is put the effort in. When you praise ability (“you’re so smart,”) people feel like they have to prove themselves and live up to that label which creates anxiety.

4) It is sporadic. This is another counterintuitive point. Research shows that variable reinforcement is more powerful than reinforcing a behavior every time. If you say it every time it loses its power and doesn’t get attended to as much.

5) It is sometimes “constructive.” Don’t feel that you can never give someone negative feedback for fear of damaging their self-esteem. Constructive feedback is important. If you’ve played a sport you know that the coach typically gives more attention (often in the form of criticism) to the top players. Keep the ratio of positive to negative around 4:1.

6) It doesn’t “sandwich” or use techniques. I don’t recommend using the sandwich technique of praise, criticism, praise. When you do this, people just hear the “but…” piece. Over time they’ll tune out the positive and wait for the negative. Instead delivery each piece of feedback separately using the 4:1 ratio discussed above.

7) It encourages learning. Praise that encourages growth, even mistakes and failures, opens people up to take risks and try new things. They figure that you must really believe in their ability to do it (or, more importantly, to handle it if it doesn’t go well) which boosts self confidence.

Who can you help by using these techniques for praise to build their self-confidence?

Not only will you help them feel and perform great, but you will as well. Try it. You’ll see.

If you find these tips helpful and would like more specific strategies on personal leadership, have a look at The Confident Leader. Leadership in all you do begins with you.

Making Decisions: How Over-Thinking Can Lead to Poor Decisions (and What to Do About It)

2009-12-30T10:33:23-05:00

A friend recently asked my opinion about whether she and her husband should buy a new house. She explained that she loved the house because it has many intriguing features—for example, it’s on a river and her boys could go tubing down the river in the summer. The downside is that living in that home would make her commute substantially longer. She asked my opinion based on research on decision-making.

Both Our Hearts and Our Heads Can Lead Us Astray

I told her I wasn’t sure. On the one hand, research shows that people’s satisfaction at work is most closely related to their daily interactions with their direct supervisor. This shows that the seemingly mundane things (like your supervisor’s communication style or my friend’s commute) are crucial and should be given significant weight.

On the other hand, I thought about research on intuition and decision making which shows that people tend to be happiest when going with their gut reactions rather than what they come up with when they rationally go through the process. Over thinking can create a less favorable outcome. In fact, we tend to be most satisfied when we don’t need to explain (to ourselves or others) why we selected what we did.

Relevancy and Good Decisions

I favored this second approach but I wasn’t completely sure so I did a little more research. I found a study of 900 women conducted by Daniel Kahneman and his colleague Alan Krueger, the majority of whom said that their commute was the worst part of their day.

Hmmm, maybe my friend should question the daily impact more carefully. But her gut told her the house was a good fit for her family.

Weighing the Factors

It felt right to my friend to have an active lifestyle on the river. However, would her family take advantage of the river on a regular basis? It would need to be enough to offset the tough commute. They’d only make use of the river for about half the year. Many people choose a larger house over a location closer to their work and regret it because the benefit of, for example, a larger master bedroom, does not outweigh the cost of a long commute to work.

So how do we balance out the different variables to make good decisions?

I recommend:

1) Get in touch with your intuition—what feels right.

2) Ask yourself if what feels right will be relevant much of the time.

3) Don’t think anymore. If you over-think step 2 you can talk yourself into anything (and out of the best decision)!

Moving Day! Revamping my blog, overcoming resistance, grateful for support

2009-12-14T14:28:17-05:00

I always get nostalgic on moving day. This move is a minor one (we just moved all of the materials about marketing a small business to ThePsychologyofMarketing.com) but for some reason I'm still nostalgic. Maybe it's the time of year with the holidays, or because I spent the past weekend with my best friend from growing up, or because my son is now almost 1 (and has his first tooth), but I feel that combined sense of missing the old and excitement for the new.

The old part that I'll miss is the ease and simplicity of having just one blog. It's funny, I always coach my business owner clients on the importance of speaking to just one market at a time but I resisted doing this myself for a long time (I think because I didn't want to write a second blog!). I've taken the plunge and now it's definitely worth it.

When I've moved, as I have many times in the past, one thing I'm always grateful for is the people who help. My husband and I hired movers for the first time the last time, and I was grateful to them-- they had to move us down 3 flights of stairs (no elevator) from a loft apartment on a 100 degree day (with 80% humidity!) in August. Before that, it's always been friends and family generously helping with the move.

With the blog migration, I am very grateful to my virtual assistant Rhonda Embry and the great people at TypePad support services (blog owners, I highly recommend their Tune Up services).

Anyway, if you're a business owner, please join me over at ThePsychologyofMarketing.com or Twitter and if not and you're looking for more professional and personal development tips, stay here, you're in the right place!

Happy Holidays!

Larina Kase

P.S. It took me several years to overcome my resistance to doing what I knew I needed to do (separate my blogs). Fear creates resistance (my fear was, well, is, having less time). What are you currently resisting? What fears does it bring up? Simply acknowledging the resistance is the important first step.

Oh, Technology!

2009-12-08T22:47:52-05:00

Well, I've overcome my technophobia. I'm not scared of technology any more. After setting up two blogs, getting a bunch of applications working, and teaching myself (very basic) video editing, I realize that I can handle it.

But I still don't like it!

The latest-- this blog feed to Twitter and Facebook randomly stopped working and it took 15 hours (!) to send a video to a colleague (not 15 hours of my time, just the transfer on the background of my computer)... nothing big, just enough to be frustrating on top of a busy day.

I advise clients to conquer their fears and THEN see if they want to do something or outsource it. I think I'm ready to outsource all technology! :)

What aspect of your work or life are you read to outsource?

Meeting People: How to Confidently Network and Meet New People Even If You’re a Shy Person

2009-11-10T22:33:31-05:00

As you know no matter what your professional goal, it’s crucial to be able to meet new people. Whether you’re trying to market yourself, share your ideas in meetings, expand your network, or build rapport and relationships, you need to excel at meeting new people.

This skill can be more difficult for people who are naturally introverted or shy. Shy people can be socially skilled but take longer to warm up and get comfortable or get overwhelmed when in groups or the center of attention.

Why are some people more confident than others—is it shyness?

Researcher Jennifer Beer recently conducted a study in which she filmed people meeting for the first time. She measured their shyness level and their mindsets, and their behaviors were coded by trained evaluators.

A fascinating result emerges

Those who had a fixed or stable mindset (they see their success as only due to their abilities) who were shy fared less well in meeting new people, appearing anxious and awkward, even after five minutes of interacting.

Those who had a growth mindset (seeing their success as a work in progress that improves with practice) were similarly uncomfortable during the first five minutes, but after that, they appeared more likeable and sociable.

Why did this happen?

The growth-minded people were able to see the situation as a challenge, whereas the fixed-minded people were focused on not making mistakes. They were more focused on themselves and how they were coming across, making them more insecure and self conscious.

What this means for you if you’re shy is three-fold:

1) By no means does being shy mean that you cannot be skilled in meeting new people.

2) Growth-mindset is important in becoming more confident. Look at the situation as an evolving challenge rather than a judgment of your worth as a person. Remember that a fixed mindset drains confidence over-time, whereas the growth mindset helps you build it.

3) If you are shy, you need to stay with the social situation long enough that you get more comfortable—in this study it was around 5 minutes. When you stick with it, you will soon show your natural likeability.

For more interesting research on the psychology of confidence and personal leadership development, have a look at my book The Confident Leader.

Do You Have Shiny Bright Object Syndrome? How to Get Focused and Finish What You Start (on Time)

2009-10-21T20:19:55-04:00

A lesson that I’m constantly learning is how to edit. I need to edit my writing, my business, and my life. The reason that I keep learning this lesson is that I have the bad habit of taking on too much. I have a lot of interest and it’s hard to let things go. Does this sound familiar?

A lot of entrepreneurs are like this. We have “Shiny bright object syndrome.” (My 6 month old is like this too!). It’s one of the things that makes us excel. It keeps things fun and interesting. It can also be a problem because we get scattered, don’t finish things, and get too busy. We begin one marketing activity only to get sidetracked with another. We focus in on one target market only to switch to another.

In today’s article, adapted from my book The Confident Leader, I share some of the challenges and suggestions for change.

Many if not most of the entrepreneurs I work with have a bit of this “syndrome.” We think, “What’s this new and exciting thing?” (Then, 5 minutes later) “Oh- woah, what’s that new and exciting thing?!” This is you if you:

Work with 10 windows open at once on your computer.
Have 5 books that you’ve begun but haven’t finished.
Get a rush from starting something new.
Have diverse interests and hate to be locked in to one thing.
Are extremely busy but often unaware of what you complete.
Are easily bored and often looking for something that will interest you.
Have been described as “well-rounded,” “A renaissance-type,” or “ADD.”

In fact, there is a personality trait called “Sensation Seeking,” which many entrepreneurs possess. It’s one of the more genetic personality traits and it entails enjoying novelty and dislike routine.

In a great book called Refuse to Choose, author Barbara Sher creates a profile of what she calls “Scanners.” A Scanner is someone who meets the above criteria and who has difficulty limiting themselves to one field. The difficulty is that Scanners believe they need to limit themselves, so they continuously feel disappointed in themselves and that they are letting down others.

This is why Scanners frequently experience discomfort. Instead Sher recommends embracing your Scanner ways. Carry a notebook like DaVinci used to have to write down all your brilliant brainstorms and all-over-the-place thoughts.

Sher recommends backward planning. Start with your end goal and write it in a circle on the right of a horizontal piece of paper. Then ask yourself, “Could I achieve that goal right now? If not, what would I need?” then write that in a circle to the left and ask yourself the same question. Keep doing this until you get to an action that you can do right now and then circle it and say “Now!”

Action Steps

These action steps are based on the 6 step GROWTH model in my book The Confident Leader:

Step 1: Get Your Vision and Intention — Picture how you’ll feel when you’re done. It can be exciting to start new things, but instead envision the wonderful feeling you’ll have when you get something done and check it off your list.
Step 2: Realize Your Commitment — Are you really ready? Maybe you’re beginning many different things because you aren’t ready to commit to the one. Figure out which one is the most important or easiest and commit to that one.
Step 3: Organize Your Team — Get accountable. Ask your colleagues and set up joint venture partnerships to hold you accountable for doing what you say you’re going to do when you say you’re going to do it. This accountability will help you form new habits.
Step 4: Win with the Right Decisions – Decide what not to do. Saying no to those things that do not fit within our strategic plan is the key to focus and productivity.
Step 5: Turn Anxiety into Optimal Energy — Overcome your fears. Write down what you’re concerned will happen if you keep focused on one (or two or three) things and let others go.
Step 6:— Harness Your Strengths and Release Control – Engage your strengths in every task. When faced with something you don’t feel like doing, challenge yourself to use your strengths to make it successful.

5 Steps to Becoming the CEO of Your Career

2009-10-15T23:37:50-04:00

Do you want to earn more, work less, and find greater enjoyment in your job or business?

Are you stressed out or burned out and ready to get into the driver’s seat of your career

If so, I’d love to help you. Here is a five-step program to help you take your career where you want it to go. aAs the CEO, you’ll be in charge, and you’ll create the profitable career you really want. Before we get started on the journey, answer this question:

What are some important characteristics or qualities of effective CEOs?

Here are some of my answers to this question:

They have a solid vision and plan for their company
The have specific short-term goals to attain long-term objectives
They understand the strategic positioning of their company in the marketplace
They are inspirational, proactive, action-oriented leaders

Here’s how you can create these qualities of effective CEOs.

Step 1: Create a Solid Vision

As a CEO has a strong vision for where the company is headed, you need to have a vision for your career. This vision will guide decision making, inspire and motivate you, and keep you going in the right direction.

The most powerful vision will be motivated by what’s important to you. When your vision is built upon your values, it’s more likely to be achieved. You’ll feel like you’re on a mission

Exercise: Brainstorm your core career values. These are things like, “Achieve balance to have time for family, “Earn a lucrative income,” and “Have room for continuous learning and growth.” Come up with values and rank-order them. Then use them to create a vision for yourself.

Step 2: Have a Solid Plan: Short Term and Long Term Goals

Goals are great if you make the right ones. Make all your goals SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timed.

Create your shorter-term goals for 1 year and 2-5 years. Then create your longer-term goals for 5-10, 10-20, 20+ years.

Make sure that your goals are driven by your vision and career values. Once you have your goals, it’s time to brainstorm creative ways to make them happen.

Exercise: Write down all your career goals- don’t forget to put them in the SMART format. Then divide them into categories: Short-term (1-5 years), medium term (5-7 years) and long-term (7+ years)

Step 3: Strategic Positioning

For a company to be successful, the CEO must have a clear understanding of where the company’s market values lies in comparison to competitors. What’s your market value? Do you know? If not, ask people, “How do you think I contribute to this company?” Look at your performance evaluations and find your key strengths.

As CEO of your career, do a SWOT analysis on your own competitive position in the marketplace. Analyze your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.

Exercise: List your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats in comparison to your peers, colleagues, and coworkers. Once you know your strengths and opportunities, start promoting and marketing yourself and achieve the goals you described in step 2.

Step 4: Bottom Line Profits and Success

Carefully review whether your career is currently in a deficit or creating profit for you. Use your vision and values to make this determination. Remember that profit includes money but also things like time, happiness, and significance.

What you are getting out of your career and what you are putting into it?

Do the liabilities and losses outweigh the assets and profits? If so, you’ll need to take action (see step #5).

Exercise: Create a P & L (profit and loss) statement. Determine exactly where you’re benefiting (profits) and where you aren’t achieving what you want (losses).

Step 5: Be Daring and Take Action

Now that you know your strengths and weaknesses, you can take positive action!

Address your weaknesses by requesting additional trainings, partnering with a colleague, speaking with more people who you can learn from, hiring a consultant or coach, and gaining confidence by pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.

Address your strengths by celebrating your successes, recognizing opportunities for advancement, requesting a promotion or salary raise, mentoring others, or starting your own company.

And don’t forget about the P & L statement. Be proactive and turn your losses into profits. For example, if your “loss” is that you work too much and aren’t earning enough, look for ways to delegate, become more focused and less distracted, and get organized so you get your work done more quickly.

Exercise: Create one action step for your strengths and opportunities, one for your weaknesses and threats, one for your profits (to build on what you’re doing right), and one to turn losses into profits. Make sure that all action steps are in line with your values, vision, strategy and goals.

Follow these five steps and you’re sure to have the mindset, confidence, strategy, and action to be the CEO of your career. Enjoy the profits and rewards you create for yourself and others!