Minnesota JoY

Asking Why Again

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 15:24:00 +0000

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world." ~ Fred Rogers

This is the second time that I've posted this quote in a span of months. Another senseless act, another day of asking why some people feel they have the right to hurt others. All I can do is hope and pray things will get better.

I read something that comedian Patton Oswalt posted on his Facebook page yesterday and it resonated with me. The words that follow are his and not mine.

Boston. Fucking horrible.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, "Well, I've had it with humanity."

But I was wrong. I don't know what's going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.

But here's what I DO know. If it's one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we're lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they're pointed towards darkness.

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."

So again, I'm looking for the helpers and thanking God for them. I'm reminding myself that there is more good in this world than bad and I'm trying not to cry.

BlogHer Book Club - A Good American

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 04:22:00 +0000

I was really excited to receive A Good American to review because the story sounded so compelling. When it arrived, I immediately dove into the book and didn't surface until I'd read it all. After I read it, I turned back to the beginning and started all over again. Alex George did not disappoint.

James narrates the story of his family, beginning with his grandparents Frederick and Jette Meisenheimer, who immigrated to America from Germany to escape the stigma of an unplanned pregnancy. The paths they chose,people they meet, and their love of music and good food intertwine as they make their way in their new home. This tale comes together in a beautiful and sometimes heartbreaking way.

James says, "And so began my grandfather's rapturous love affair with America-an affair that would continue until the day he died."

Two things happened when I got to the end of this book. I was in a complete state of shock and I felt an overwhelming sense of loss. Shock because there is a twist that you never saw coming and loss because I truly was not ready to say goodbye to the Meisenheimer family.

I truly hope that Alex George plans to write more books. (Alex? PLEASE WRITE MORE BOOKS.)

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own. If you'd like to join the book club discussion, visit http://www.blogher.com/good-american

p.s. Many apologies to the BlogHer Book Club and it's participants for the lateness of this review. My entire family (myself included) apparently contracted the Plague last week and are just now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel of sickness.

BlogHer Book Club - The Willpower Instinct

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 05:34:00 +0000

I'm a horrible procrastinator. Seriously. I have every good intention in the world of doing things right away and then life happens and the next thing I know I'm writing an book review at 11pm on a book that I JUST FINISHED READING. *ahem* Having said that, I have to tell you that The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It is AMAZING.

LIFE. CHANGING. YO.

The author is Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. and she is my new hero. She talks about willpower and literally breaks down scientifically how and why we have it. She also tells us ways to strengthen our willpower and increase our chances to attain goals. And guess what? She's smart AND funny. I kept reading parts of the book aloud to my husband. He already tried to swipe the book from me and he hates reading.

I could not put this book down. Being able to understand exactly why my brain and body act the way they do and seeing the things that I do to it to sabotage myself when it comes to goal achievement just blew my mind. Being given tools to help me improve my willpower was an absolute gift.

The author teaches a course called "The Science of Willpower" and suggests that the book be read over a ten week time period to emulate her course. I am going to do so and I literally can't wait to wake up tomorrow and start this book all over again.

Here's a video bonus :)

People? Read this book. You'll thank me later.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own. If you'd like to join the book club discussion, visit http://www.blogher.com/bookclub/what-your-willpower-challenge

Looking For the Helpers

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 01:51:00 +0000

BlogHer Book Club - My Life Map

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 05:02:00 +0000

When I was growing up, I read a lot. My life wasn't exactly peachy and I enjoyed the ability to escape into another world. I read those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books but they kind of drove me crazy. With my chaotic life and the constant uncertainty, I preferred stories that had a beginning, middle and end. Controlling my own destiny was not something I enjoyed when reading. I would rather pretend to be or do whatever was going on in the story so that I didn't have to think about being me.

I am going to be honest. I really struggled with reading My Life Map: A Journal to Help You Shape Your Future by Kate and David Marshall. Chapter One tells you how to use the book. It's not a standard 'start at the beginning and go to the end' journey. You have a choice in how you approach the actual process of life mapping. Having choices seemed to increase my anxiety about it.

I chose to use the 'Whole Life Map' as my guideline. I spent a lot of time focusing on the past portion because I have had an eventful life leading up to age 40 so that took a large chunk of time. In retrospect, perhaps I should have done a 'Ten Year Map' instead. I thought that I would struggle with mapping my future more than my past but I was mistaken. Looking at my life moving forwards was a lot easier for me.

You ask yourself so many valuable questions when reading this book. I really enjoyed this part because it helped me let go of the things I couldn't control about my past while showing me how much I am in charge of my future.

Bottom line - read this book. It really helps put things into perspective. :)

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own. If you'd like to join the book club discussion, visit http://www.blogher.com/bookclub/now-reading-my-life-map.

Brain Dump

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 04:14:00 +0000

My heart hurts. So many things going on all at once. So much to keep my mind constantly working. I don't think it is anxiety really, but maybe it is. My brain is just seems to be running full steam all of the time. My world keeps changing and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Harper is using full sentences and making her thoughts and wishes clear. Today she was in the car with me and she kept saying my name. I kept asking her what she needed but she just kept saying my name. After about the fourth or fifth time, she said "I LOVE YOU" then giggled. Ohmyheart.

Jamie is almost four is still entirely too attached to his pacifier. We've been explaining that when you are four you don't have a bink anymore. He seems ok with the idea of getting rid of it now, but we'll see how it goes. Tonight he said "I always love you Mama". That boy sure knows how to make me melt.

Katy is my sweet girl who loves to talk more than doing what she's supposed to be doing. Seems like about two weeks ago she was Harper's age, running around in a diaper and a fancy hat and nothing else. I had to get a splinter out of her foot tonight and her feet are almost as big as mine.

Laura is already a junior and I cringe at the thought of her starting college but it will be here in no time. My smart, sarcastic, and beautiful girl will be on her own soon. I'M NOT READY.

My in-laws are celebrating forty years of marriage on Sunday. I am confident that some day Brad and I will do the same but wow...forty years seems like an amazingly long time now. I'm sure Dave and Linda thought that once too.

Brad is hitting a ten year milestone in his sobriety. I can't even tell you how proud I am of this man. I never knew him when he was drinking and never will. I'm confident of that.

I'm in contact with all of my brothers. Not daily but the occasional text or Facebook chat to keep track of each other. For now that is enough but I can't wait to see their faces and meet their children and partners. Someday.

So many things on my mind, good and bad. Past, present, future all spinning around in my mind. I'm so aware of time passing so quickly all of the sudden. It seems like the days are going faster and faster. I just want everything to freeze for a minute so I can relax and enjoy it.

November 7th

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 22:56:00 +0000

A message to some of my family and friends:

I understand that you may or may not be pleased about the outcome of the presidential election.

I prayed for November 6th to come so that I would no longer have to see the constant barrage of posts on my Facebook wall demonizing the candidate you opposed and referring to him using demeaning terms. (Both sides are JUST as guilty so don't smirk and think I'm not talking about you). My cursor has hovered over the block or unsubscribe buttons more times than I care to count.

Today is November 7th. Please stop. I love you and don't want to have to block your posts. If you think this is about you, you might be right. Then again, there are at least a half dozen of you so your odds are good. What's done is done and continuing to go on and on about it just makes you look bad.

I commend your passion for the issues and am impressed that you know way more about them than I do. But please...ENOUGH.

Enough.

Love,

Yes, I voted for Obama. No that is not why I posted this. I voted for Obama because I was scared to see what would happen to women if I voted Republican. So, go ahead and call me a liberal idiot if you want. I usually run more conservative but voted my heart this time because I was petrified to see what would happen to my daughters if their choices continue to be taken away from them.

Hard Truths

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 03:49:00 +0000

I wrote another post today for Band Back Together. It's a follow up to to the one I wrote in October last year. I haven't heard yet when it will be posted. I'll likely need a lot of virtual hand-holding between now and then. I found out some hard truths about my abuser and am coming to terms with them.

He is still offending, or at least there is evidence that he has been doing so in the last decade. Seeing as how he swore he was done well before that and insisted he'd gotten help...well, it was disheartening to say the least. He's still offending and lying about it and somehow managing not to have to deal with the consequences of his actions.

He made the mistake of replying to a message that I sent him on Facebook. The reply he sent was fairly damning. Way too much time has passed for me to do anything about what he did to me but it's at least some fairly substantial proof that he was an abuser. I can use this in the future if I'm ever called to testify for someone else. He's since blocked me on Facebook, but not before I print screened our exchange.

When I found out he'd been lying about coming clean about it all, I sent him one final message. I'm not sure if he read it before blocking me and deleting our conversation and I'm sure it won't make a bit of difference but at least I was able to get the words out.

I cannot believe that you had the opportunity to do the right thing and you lied to [redacted]. You molested me for years and you admitted it to me on more than one occasion. I forgave you and moved on. I let you HOLD my DAUGHTER when we met last. You and I had an agreement that you would tell [redacted] and you did not hold up your end of the bargain.

You have the opportunity to make this right. Tell [redacted] the truth. Show me how you truly are not the same person you were. Please do this. Do the right thing.

Just know this, even if you don't tell the truth? I still forgive you and a part of me will always care for you because [redacted].

Please do the right thing. I am begging you. [Redacted] need to know and need to not be caught in the middle between [redacted]. I love them. Please don't risk my chance to finally know [redacted].

(Identifying names and details have been removed for the privacy of others.)

He will never stop and I don't know what to do. He has so many people completely snowed. He painted this picture of me being a sad and confused little girl and how he'd never do anything to hurt me and people believed him because he's convincing. He's been charged but not convicted on numerous occasions.

It was so much easier to move on when I thought he'd stopped. Now I don't know what to feel.

BlogHer Book Club - Diary of a Submissive

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 03:10:00 +0000

This review and the links therein contain adult content. You've been warned.

I can't lie, I'm a secret romance novel junkie. I can't go past a garage sale table full of books without checking out the covers to see if there are any that I haven't read yet. Put me in a patch of sun with a Johanna Lindsey book and I'm a happy girl. However, I like my books to hint around about the nitty-gritty instead of putting it all out there, yaknowwhatimean?

I never jumped on the '50 Shades' bandwagon because I heard too many complaints about the quality of the actual writing and I'm really not into the whole D/s scene. When you've not always been treated well in your life, the idea of giving up control is rather daunting, at least it is for me. Reading Diary of a Submissive by Sophie Morgan (a pseudonym) wasn't too far out of my comfort zone. Writing a review for it was another matter. ;)

Having said that, I have to admit that this book was written very well. The author was *ahem* very descriptive. Her humor and downright stubbornness charmed me in spite of myself. She answers a question right away in the beginning when she discusses her absolutely normal childhood. (I have wondered in the past why the submissive needs to be punished and assumed it was because of past mistreatment. She explains it very well in this article.)

I was very uncomfortable during more than a few parts of the book but Sophie's personality helped me make it through. If she writes another book, I might even read it - if only to check in and see how she's doing.

While submission isn't my cup of tea, it makes her happy and she's a consenting adult so who am I to judge?

I think sharing your story is always important. I'm glad Sophie was brave enough to share hers with us.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own. If you'd like to join the book club discussion, visit http://www.blogher.com/bookclub/now-reading-diary-submissive.

I Am The Face

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 13:29:00 +0000

Today is Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss Remembrance/Awareness Day. I remember when Brad and I were pregnant for the first time and the devastation we felt when we found out we'd lost our baby.

I later found out that one in four women have a pregnancy that ends this way. It didn't help ease the pain but at least let me know that I was so not alone.

You can download this badge at www.iamtheface.org

Much love today and always to the many families who have experienced a loss. You are not alone. *hugs*

Just Write - Week 56

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 14:41:00 +0000

Sometimes I feel like a failure.

I had all of these big plans when I started staying home. Meal plans, education time every day, lots of walks and outside play time, trips to the apple orchard and other fun stuff...I was going to be the best stay-at-home mom EVER.

Reality? I am sitting here on a laptop while the kids while they dance along to the Fresh Beat Band on Netflix. There are toys everywhere and the breakfast mess hasn't been cleaned up. Dishes from last night are still in the sink and the dishwasher hasn't been started yet. The load in the washing machine had to be washed three times because I kept forgetting about it until it got all stinky. There are goldfish cracker crumbs everywhere.

Granted, every day is not like today. It is rainy and gloomy and wet outside and it's hard to feel positive when we can't get outside at all. The sun helps bake some of the bad feelings out of my skin. I miss it's warmth and can't wait until it is nice outside again.

Some days I keep up with the mess and even get a little ahead of it. I have supper on the table by 6 pm and feel a sense of accomplishment. We all have clean socks and no one has to search for two that match. Some days I play games with the kids and there is lots of giggling.

It is challenging having four kiddos in the house that are ages four and under. I ~~wonder if I didn't~~ know now that I did set my expectations too high when I made all of those big plans. I'm working on being kinder to myself about how much I get done in a day. I wonder how to get enough done to feel better about myself.

So now I'm going to off of my behind and going to get those dishes done from last night. Then I'm going to get out the alphabet flash cards like I've been planning and play with the kids. Then, when nap time comes, I'm going to make a kinder and gentler 'plan' for myself that helps me get stuff done around here and still gives me time to play and relax.

Heather of The Extraordinary Ordinary invites us to Just Write and link up to her blog every Tuesday. She said to just write freely, capturing a moment without forcing it or spending too much time in clarification. Please visit her for details.

P.S. For those of you who worry, I am just fine. Today is just a gloomy and wet day and it's hard to feel good on days like these. I'm going to have (another) cup of coffee and kick it into gear and then I'll feel better. I just didn't realize how much it would take out of me having four littles in the house. We are adjusting to having limited outside time and getting a little stir-crazy from being trapped inside because of the weather. I love being home with the kids and wouldn't trade it for anything. In fact, I had a nightmare about my old job that told me very clearly that I am where I should be. :)

Earning My Own Money

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 17:00:00 +0000

So, as some of you know, I've recently become an independent consultant for a well-known company that sells kitchen items. I'm pretty excited about it and hoping it will give me an opportunity to supplement our household income.

I love being home but I am struggling a little bit with the idea that Brad is paying for almost all of it. (I also babysit two adorable friends from across the street three days a week.) I know being home and taking care of the kids IS contributing to the family. I just like the idea of buying holiday and birthday gifts with money that I earned.

My only problem is that I don't want to be pushy about selling. However, I love the products. I already had a kitchen full of them and becoming a consultant gave me even MORE kitchen stuff that I love. Kind of a -win-win if you ask me. :)

So here goes - If you are interested in great quality kitchen tools then please ask me about my new business. I'd love to chat with you about it! You can go to my site and order or contact me directly. Christmas is coming and I have some great gift ideas for you!

Even better, have a cooking show and invite your friends to try some yummy food and earn free stuff. Click HERE if you want to know more. :)

I've set a goal to make $1,250.00 in commissionable sales before December 27, 2012 (with the hopes of meeting the goal before October 29th if I can). So far, I've reached $470.07. If I reach my goal before December 27th, I will earn over $250 in commission AND get $100 in product credit so that I can get even more awesome kitchen stuff for myself. :)

Remembering

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 16:30:00 +0000

I wrote this past back in January 2010. Another dear internet friend has been sober for awhile and I remembered this post when I was chatting with her today. My husband is almost at his TEN YEAR sobriety anniversary so I decided it was worth sharing again.

Dear Maggie, Heather and Meagn,

You don't know me and I really don't know you. Regardless, I have something that is in my heart that will make it burst if it doesn't come out right now.

Maggie, I read your blog for the first time today and I need to tell you that I am so very proud of you. So. Very. Proud. Why I feel like I should tell you this will make sense shortly.

Heather, I've been following your for a bit as you probably know. Being a fellow Minnesotan, I have you on my blog roll but never seem to get around to doing much more than checking in once in awhile. So very glad that today was a day that I did. Congrats on one of the most important decisions that you will ever make. *hugs*

Meagn, hehee...you know me already and have gotten more comments from me than I’ve left for anyone else in forever. I have a special place in my heart for you and will continue to be one of your biggest bloggy cheerleaders.

Now to explain why.

I am the child of an alcoholic. My mom drank for as long as I can remember. So much happened to me as a result of her dependence on alcohol.

I watched her hop from one bad marriage and/or relationship to another. I watched her dump the 'good guys' because she didn't feel like she deserved to be treated well. I watched her stick it out with the 'bad guys' because she felt like no one else would love her.

I watched her strip for money. I sat next to her in the front seat of the car while she drove drunk. I watched her steal when we needed something and didn’t have any money because she spent it all on booze.
I took abuse from her when she was angry and frustrated with her life. I took abuse from her partners because she was too drunk to defend me or too drunk to notice.

I watched younger siblings because my mom was too drunk or hung over to get out of bed and care for them. I got on school buses and watched their little faces in the window as I drove away and cried and I worried all day that they would be cared for properly. (I was seven.)

I constantly moved from place to place because she couldn’t hold a job or was evicted for not being able to pay bills. I was always the ‘new kid’ and never felt pretty, or smart or important. I was always stared at for having the wrong clothes or the wrong accent or for just being different.

I had little contact with relatives, either because my mother was mad at them because she thought they were judging her or because they too were just as dysfunctional.

I lost my brothers, first one and then two more, because when she decided to leave their fathers she took only me with her. I have three brothers that I have seen very little of in 30 years. (One since I was five and the two others I’ve seen twice since I was 10).

I wondered if my brothers were the lucky ones and worried and thought about them often. At least two of them have spent time in prison and I wonder if I could have done anything for them if I’d stayed, even though staying was not a choice for me. I’d have done it, even though their father was abusing me. For them – I WOULD HAVE STAYED.

I watched my mother try to stop drinking again and again, only to fail when it became time for her to make amends to those she had hurt with her drinking. I saw her enter treatment programs and AA meetings. I watched my mother blame everyone else for why she drank and why her life was unmanageable. I watched her stop drinking again and again and again… until the next time she started because of a bad day, or because we weren’t listening to her or because of a million reasons that we just never understood.

I spent time being shuffled from friend to friend and relative to relative because my mother could not cope with being a parent and her alcoholism at the same time. I went into foster care when my mother went into yet another treatment program and we’d run out of friends and relatives that could or would take me again because of all the bridges my mother had burned with the fuel of her her anger and her drinking.

I went in front of a judge and finally told someone that I could not live with my mother any more. (I was 12.) I loved, and still do love, my mother but finally realized that I wasn’t going to survive if I stayed with her. I watched my mother walk away from me, angered at my ‘betrayal’ of her. She never understood that making the choice I did was the hardest thing I would ever do.

I insisted that the court documents for my custody state clearly that I was to go back to my mother if she ever quit drinking. I made sure the judge knew how much I loved my mother. My mother didn’t know this because she didn’t show up for court, but I wanted her to know in case she ever saw the court documents.
I graduated from high school and went on to college and started my family and got married and swore that I would never be my mother.

I gave up my dream that she would ever really be my mom when her father (my grandfather and one of the few stable people in my life growing up) died and she caused trouble during the process of setting up the funeral – the same funeral where she never showed up. That day I wrote her a letter. I let her know that I loved her and would think of her but that I finally realized that she would never be the mom I needed and that I was saying goodbye to that dream and to her. I asked that she consider herself no longer a part of my life because I needed to think of myself and my children and our safety and happiness and well-being.
I have not heard from her since.

I miss her though. I remember when she was young and pretty and smiling. I remember her singing to me. I remember her laugh. I still love her.

The reason I’m sharing is this:

Maggie, Heather and Meagn, you are giving your children, present or future, the very best gift there is. You are giving them a mother who will be happy, healthy and PRESENT for them. You are giving them good memories that will far outweigh the bad. You are giving them joy and peace and love.

Thanks to you, they will never have to tell a story remotely like the one I have. Don’t get me wrong, my life is good. I’m grateful to God every day for my husband and children. I would not have the blessings I have now if not for what happened then. My history makes me…well…ME.

But…because if what you’ve chosen to do, because of your strength and love for them and for yourself…you will never have to hear them tell a story like mine.

Because your children cannot say thank you, I will do it for them

THANK YOU.

Much love,

Melancholy

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 14:53:00 +0000

I'm sad for my dear friend today. She lost her dear kitty to the highway by our house, the same highway that has claimed two of our fur babies.

I heard another story about someone who lost her husband to cancer.

We just had to drop a ton of money on getting our pipes repaired.

My father-in-law is back in the hospital.

The kids woke up too early and I am tired. I know that the melancholy comes to roost more easily when I don't get enough sleep. Still, I am wondering today (as I often do) why so many bad things seem to happen in this world to so many good people.

However, the sun is shining. The kids have been fed and are running around being cute. I got some things accomplished around the house and hope to do more throughout the day. I know the sadness will pass because it usually does.

Just hug a few extra people today for me. It costs nothing and means everything.

Love to you,

Just Write - Week 54

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 14:58:00 +0000

Today started early with littles bouncing in my bed to wake me up. I vaguely remember my husband kissing me goodbye before heading to work this morning before the sun was up. I don't hear noise outside of my room, which means that Katy probably shut her alarm off again.

"Katy, are you up?"

"Yes Mom, I'm awake." This is said to me in a tone that says that she is still lying in her bed.

"Katy, I asked if you were up. I know you are awake. Get out of bed. What time is it?"

"Almost 7:30."

"You better get moving then or you are going to be late."

Silence.

"Katy, did you hear me?"

"Yeah Mom."

"Katy? GET MOVING."

Jamie starts jumping on bed. I tell him not to. Again. I continue to prod Katy along verbally until she appears in my room fully dressed. She kisses me goodbye and starts to turn away.

"Did you brush your teeth?"

*sigh*

"No Mom."

"Go do it now before you go downstairs and don't forget to take your pills."

"OK."

I kiss her again and she hugs me briefly.

"Love you honey, have a good day."

"I love you too Mom."

I hear various noises that indicate Katy is finishing up getting ready and then the door slams as she leaves.

I have wriggling little bodies in my bed, alternating between making each other laugh and annoying the crap out of each other. I finally resign myself to the fact that sleep is officially done for the day and take them downstairs so that Jamie can have his beloved Honey Nut Cheerios and so that Harper weave in and out of my legs like a cat while I prepare breakfast for them both.

This is my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Heather of The Extraordinary Ordinary invites us to Just Write and link up to her blog every Tuesday. She said to just write freely, capturing a moment without forcing it or spending too much time in clarification. Please visit her for details.

BlogHer Book Club - Daring Greatly

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 15:14:00 +0000

Because I adore books, having the opportunity to review books for BlogHer Book Club is like heaven for me. When I start reading a book for review, every time I see something that resonates with me I dog-ear the page so that I remember it for later. (Don't judge, I don't do it in library books.)

In the introduction to Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead, the author Brené Brown references TED videos online. Because I was unfamiliar with her work I checked this one out first:

Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability (TEDxHouston)

After watching the video, I dove right into the book. Before I hit Chapter 3 I had dog-eared 9 separate pages. NINE. Honestly? She had me at "Then I feel like punching someone in the face". Her explanation of the 'vulnerability hangover' reminded me of how I felt when I shared my own stories of childhood abuse.

"I am only as good as the number of 'likes' I get on Facebook or Instagram." (How did this woman get into my head??)

This book taught me so much about the risks and joys of being vulnerable. She has a gift for sharing ideas and thoughts with a keen sense of humor while using research to back it up. It turns out the two are not mutually exclusive. ;)

Watch the video then go read the book. You'll thank me later.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own. If you'd like to join the book club discussion, visit http://www.blogher.com/bookclub/now-reading-daring-greatly

Getting Healthy

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 15:42:00 +0000

You know how you get all dressed up and think "Dang I look good!" but then you see pictures of yourself later and think you looked like a hot mess? I hate that and it seems it happens to me ALL THE TIME.

(This is not a cue for anyone give me compliments, just so you know.)

Anyway, I know I look ok most of the time. I also know that I'm not a healthy weight for my body type. I also know that if I drop some pounds, I'll probably enjoy being more active and the kids would like that.

My husband recently started calorie counting and has shown some immediate and impressive results. His discipline has inspired me to do the same. I added a widget to my sidebar to track my progress. Brad found a cool app for our phones to record what we eat and both of us are just OCD enough to enjoy the calorie counting.

My daily goal is 1500 calories. Because I'm still nursing Harper, I added 500 calories a day to my routine, which takes me to 2000. (Good thing too because without those calories I'd never even come CLOSE to the calorie limit.) I'm treating the calorie goal as a guideline more than a rule because I need to eat enough and stay healthy to keep breastfeeding. I also track exercise and try to do something daily because the more I exercise the more calories I get to add to my day. :)

Yesterday was my first day and after adding my breastfeeding/exercise allowance I was at a goal of 2,117. I went over a bit and ended the day at 2,281. That was a good lesson for me about watching what I eat. (Those cheese-filled breadsticks from Kwik Trip are my weakness. Next time I'll eat one instead of BOTH.)

Counting calories for me is more about accountability. If I have to be mindful of everything that I put in my mouth then I'll make better choices. Making better choices puts me firmly on the road to healthier habits.

My weight right now is 167 pounds. My goal is to lose around 40 pounds. I don't have a deadline for this and if I lose a pound a week I will be happy. Like I said, this is more about getting healthy than losing weight. The weight loss is more of a good side benefit.

Rule number one: Check the label before you put it in your face hole. Is it really worth the calories?

Rule number two: Find a sweet thing that you can nibble on in small portions when you really feel like cheating. (Did you know that Reece's Pieces are 4 calories each? A couple of those are yummy but don't break the calorie bank AND have a decent amount of protein.)

Do you have any good weight-loss tips? I'd love to hear them.

P.S. I am already dreading all the Halloween candy that will be in our house soon.

P.P.S I just got a great deal on Groupon for a voucher for IHOP. When Brad and I are ready for a treat day we'll be going there. If you want to pay $8 for $16 worth of food (select locations in the Twin Cities area), click HERE and I get ten bucks for the referral if you join. This is not an advertisement and they didn't give me anything to tell you this...I just love a great deal and I also love IHOP. :)

Not Sure How To Feel

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 14:38:00 +0000

I'm sitting on the couch watching the kids play with toy cars. Harper comes up to me and says "Cally poop". Turns out that Harper pooped (on the floor) but was more than willing to blame it on the cat.

Jamie is running around with his backpack full of toys. He's pretending to go to school. His friend Abby started school and he's feeling sad about it. He keeps asking me if he gets to go when he's 4 like Abby. Poor guy.

I was cleaning up my bookmarks on Google Chrome and realized there was still some stuff on there from my old job. As I was deleting them, I clicked on one by accident. Out of curiosity, I decided to see if my position had been filled. (These things tend to happen very slowly at my old job.) Turns out that I've been replaced. I'm glad because the students and faculty at the university where I worked need a support person or the job wouldn't exist. I'm also sad because now there is officially no going back.

I knew that when I left that it was forever. There were many factors behind my leaving and most of them have probably not changed. Even if we decided that my staying at home was not working out, I'd still find a different job. Still, seeing it in writing that the door is now closed for me makes me feel...well, I don't know how to feel.

Not long ago, a student asked me when I was coming back. It was nice and I was happy knowing that I had been appreciated. Being away from the situation makes me remember the good stuff and forget about some of the challenges. Being with the kiddos at home is the right thing. I know it and they love being home with me and I love being home with them.

Can't help thinking about the 'what ifs' though.

Selfish

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 16:39:00 +0000

Harper is barreling full speed ahead to age two. I cannot believe how fast time has gone. We have had a very solid breastfeeding relationship. I was determined to do everything I could to make sure she didn't get anything but breast milk for as long as possible. I'm very proud that I was able to meet that goal for myself. Knowing I still have milk in the freezer and that I was able to donate milk to those who needed it in addition to feeding my baby was a blessing.

Now? She's mere months away from her second birthday and she shows no signs of wanting to stop nursing. I almost feel like she nurses as much if not more than she did at one. (She is in fact right now asking for 'na' and even saying please while she does it.)

I love that she's gone this long and that she still depends on me. I love snuggling with her and watching her be silly while she's latched on. We have this game where I make her giggle and she tries to laugh and not unlatch and she is flat out adorable.

*pausing for nursing break as she fell down*

Where was I? Oh yes. The World Health Organization issued a statement in January 2011 that "recommends mothers worldwide to exclusively breastfeed infants for the child's first six months to achieve optimal growth, development and health. Thereafter, they should be given nutritious complementary foods and continue breastfeeding up to the age of two years or beyond."

...or BEYOND??

The American Academy of Pediatrics in February 2012 reaffirmed it's recommendation of "exclusive breastfeeding for about 6 months, followed by continued breastfeeding as complementary foods are introduced, with continuation of breastfeeding for 1 year or longer as mutually desired by mother and infant".

I told myself in the beginning that I would nurse Harper until she was ready to stop. I said the same thing about Jamie and he stopped on his own when I got pregnant with Harper when he was about 16 months old. Harper is at 21 months and has no interest in stopping any time soon.

"As mutually desired by mother and infant"

What does this even mean? If I don't want to anymore I should just make her suffer through weaning? That seems horribly unfair to her. Sitting here typing, I told her no when she asked to nurse. She started crying and saying "pweeeese" in this sad little voice. How can I do this to her? I don't know if my heart can take it.

Sad face because Mama said no

She's not ready and just thinking about stopping makes me feel incredibly selfish. Part of me doesn't want to stop but another part of me just wants my body back. Some days I'm just done with little people being all over me and Harper feels a real sense of ownership to her "na" and isn't afraid to just help herself. (We are working on her...ahem..."table" manners.)

My goal was always 'self weaning' but it would appear that Harper has her own ideas.

Happy face because Mama said yes

I'm not sure what I am going to do yet. I want to do what's best for Harper but take care of myself too. Please feel free to offer advice in the comments and thanks for letting me vent.

P.S. Usual disclaimer: Please don't take my words in any way as a judgment of formula feeding moms because I was one at one time. You do what's best for you and your baby. Thanks!

Blogging Again

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 20:42:00 +0000

Howdy friends: Life has been busy and I've been a bad blogger. So many things are going on now that I'm home with the kiddos and also watching my neighbor's kids a few days a week. Summer flew by and I can't believe it's been so long since I've done an update.

I planned to use ad revenue on this blog to advocate for child abuse victims and then dropped off of the planet. Now it looks like I'm losing my BlogHer ads because I haven't been updating very much. I'll be honest, after sharing my story of abuse I kind of hit a brick wall with blogging. I had so many feelings to work through. I'm still a work in progress but I can't be an advocate if I don't talk about what is going on.

So...I'm back, hopefully for a long time. Thank you for being my friends and offering support and encouragement. I can't wait to claim this space again as my own and start kicking some bloggy butt.
Love,

I Love the P&G eStore and I Cannot Lie

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Thu, 09 Aug 2012 00:08:00 +0000

Did you know that Proctor & Gamble has an online store? I did. I found out not too long ago when I followed a link for a great deal on hair dye. (Yes, I dye my hair. Like you didn't know.) Anyway, this isn't about the true color of my hair. This is about an opportunity that I have to introduce you to the P&G eStore and make a little moola for myself while I'm at it.*

In order to show you the fabulosity that Proctor & Gamble has to offer, I agreed to review Crest 3D White Intensive Professional Effects Whitestrips. I've actually been using them for awhile and I love them.

Photo courtesy of the P&G eStore

I have always had yellow teeth. Genetics combined with past and current love affairs (read nicotine and caffeine) haven't helped matters. At my last visit to the dentist, I inquired about having my teeth whitened (which are in beautiful condition otherwise thankyouverymuch says my dentist) and my hygienist actually recommended Crest Whitestrips. I bought some on the way home and have been a fan since. I would love to show you before and after pics but I was so eager to start that I didn't even think of it at the time.

I am excited to let you know that if you order through my link, you will get 10% off ALL ITEMS (not just the Crest Whitestrips) through August 31st, 2012. Other items of note:

Free shipping for orders over $25
Because Proctor & Gamble is a huge Olympic sponsor, they are offering some pretty awesome Olympic-themed deals now.
You do not have to order the Crest 3D White Intensive Professional Effects Whitestrips but you do need to use my link as it does the bloggy magic necessary for me to get credit for your sales.
Please feel free to share the link to this post with your family and friends so that they can help me make the moola too.

For those of you who follow my dramatic (heh) life story, you know that I am trying to save money so that I can go to visit my brothers. So while I'm not saying that you must order from me, I sure would appreciate any sales that come from this post because it gets me even closer to my goal of reuniting my family. NO PRESSURE Y'ALL. Insert big hug here.

If you order, would you please let me know what caught your fancy in my comments? I really do love the site and would love to hear which products you ordered.

Also, did I mention having products shipped to you directly???!? Love this. LOVE. Hermits of the world rejoice with me. WOOOOOOOOOT!!

*In the interest of full disclosure, this is a sponsored post. While I don't get paid for the actual review, I will receive commission on any sales made when you make any purchases using the P&G eStore links in this review.

We Are Family

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 20 Jul 2012 01:24:00 +0000

I'm not even sure if I can explain all of what I am feeling right now. My story is complicated. (You can read some of it here, here, and here.)

I gave you lots of links but they are important to what I'm about to share so go read and I'll wait.

*hums*

Ok, all done? Good.

I am now in contact with all of my brothers. Even better? They met up this past weekend and Owen met Justin and Kenny for the first time. The level of joy I am feeling about this is pretty much off the charts. It has been my dream for my brothers to be all together. The next step is to get together with them all.

My baby brothers are together. Finally. FINALLY.

Finally.

Kenny, Owen, and Justin

My heart is so full that my chest feels tight. I can't wait to see them all in person. And to think, all of this happened because of Facebook. If I ever see Mark Zuckerberg in person, I just may kiss him right on the mouth.

We Will Miss You Buddy

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 03:48:00 +0000

We lost our dog Oliver today. He was an old man and died in his sleep, curled up by Katy's feet. We are all pretty heartbroken-Katy especially.

She blogged about it so please go visit her and give her some love?

We sure will miss you buddy.

Blocked

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 23:10:00 +0000

I haven't been around much lately. I've thought about my blog a lot but just haven't been able to put my words to paper (so to speak). My brain is blocked, perhaps because I am so darn tired.

The kids are home all day now that summer is here. My ideas for keeping them busy haven't really happened. Harper isn't sleeping, Jamie is up in the middle of the night at least once and we are all exhausted. I've been napping when they do to catch up on the lost sleep so I don't get as much done as I'd like. I'm disappointed that I haven't been able to follow through on all of my 'big plans' but we're doing ok. I need to make sure we are all getting enough rest to be healthy and I know that the rest of the things will fall into place in time.

The important thing is that we are together. :)

So Freaking Tired

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 15:21:00 +0000

We are so tired. We seem to make kids that don't sleep. Both are up multiple times a night.

We knew from day one that we would practice bed-sharing when the kids were little. Jamie transitioned to his own room without too much horrible drama when he was younger than Harper. She, however, is proving to be a tough nut to crack. We are trying to transition her to a crib in her brother's room and it is not going very well yet. She's in there maybe two hours before waking up VERY upset at being 'alone' in the crib.

Jamie was done nursing around 14 months are so and Harper is 15 months and shows no inclination to be done any time soon. I'm totally ok with this as I know that the World Health Organization recommends that "mothers worldwide to exclusively breastfeed infants for the child's first six months to achieve optimal growth, development and health. Thereafter, they should be given nutritious complementary foods and continue breastfeeding up to the age of two years or beyond." I knew that I would nurse her until it was beneficial for us both to stop. So far she is not ready but the night time nursing sessions are guaranteeing that a night of uninterrupted sleep is a distant dream right now.

Crying it out (CIO) is not an option. I just can't do it. She gets too upset too quickly and it's just not for us.

I guess I'm asking for advice on what to do. I know there are enough attachment parents around here that have probably gone through the same situation and can offer suggestions.

(I will say this as respectfully as I can - Please don't tell us how CIO really works or how we shouldn't have had the babies in the bed in the first place. We are confident in our decisions and don't want to hear how we are 'doing it wrong'. We just want to know how to move forward so that we can all sleep more. Thanks in advance for your help.)