The challenges of our lifetime just never end, huh? I guess I thought that at some point I would just be able to chill, for like, ever. But that probably wouldn’t be living. There are complexities and injustices and work to be done for the rest of our lives. So I am trying to accept the challenges if not with joy then with grace.

The chart above with the linear growth chart is how it often looks from the outside looking in on a person’s life. Especially if you follow someone’s life and work only through the lens of social media. It can be frustrating to watch others seemingly move with east through their work and life and relationships. I try to constantly remind myself that the world does not move in a linear manner. So I made the chart below as a reminder of the true cycle of growth and change. As long as my cycles are consistently expanding, then I am alright, even at the “lows.”

I find that when you take the chart off the wall and look at it from a different angle. It’s an ever-expanding cyclical motion that moves me through this life. Some days I ask myself, “am I really going through this same challenge again?” And yes, I am, but this time I will do it without the major internal drama and with a little more grace. That’s what I am looking for these days, moving a little more gracefully through all of the things that come my way.

The question everyone asks at a party: so what do you do? I never quite know how to answer. Most of the time I assume people are actually asking the question: So what occupation do you have that pays your rent? But that’s rarely the most interesting thing about any person. I “do” a lot of other things besides work. If I had to answer the question, it would be with some charts like these. These charts capture my life in this moment, but are constantly shifting and changing as I grow up.

So the next time we meet at a party and I ask, “So what do you do?” What I really mean is: what fills your pie charts?

This is a re-post of a full page that used to live on this website, but now seems more fitting as a blog post.

I NEVER SAID IT WAS GOING TO BE EASY.

I am worried about the environment, like really really worried, you probably should be too, but that's not what I am here to talk about. I am here to tell you about some small and large changes you can make in your life to do something about it. A lot of the things listed here are kinda hard to do, I get that, but I am not here to make it easy for you. You might want to hear that everything is going to be okay. It's not. So, make all of the excuses you want, but at the end of the day, or the end of your life, or the end of your children's lives this earth will be less habitable than it is right now. Therefore, I present you with an incomplete list of some very easy and some very hard things to do you lessen your impact on this planet we call home. Just remember, perfection is not the goal here, small incremental updates is the only way to lasting change.

A GENERAL LIST OF THINGS TO TRY AT HOME TO REDUCE YOUR IMPACT

REDUCE YOUR PAPER CONSUMPTION

The first step in changing any part of your consumption is noticing what comes into and goes out of your life. Take a couple of days to make a mental note every time you dispose of a piece of paper (and whether you recycle it or not).

Get a reusable coffee cup and use it as much as possible.

Stop buying paper books, switch to e-books (but also see my point about electronics, so keep buying paper books, but plant two trees for every one you buy? I dunno).

Do you need a receipt for that? NO!

I bet your bank offers paperless statements. Sign up for them. Today.

Speaking of paperless statements, you can get paperless bills from your cell phone provider, gas and electric and your internet and cable provider.

Switch to cloth napkins at home: pretty straightforward, but you can reduce your paper napkin and paper towel waste by switching completely to cloth napkins and towels. The key is to just stop buying the paper ones and force yourself to use cloth ones.

ELECTRONICS...

This one is tough. There is a reason that your electronics aren't made in the U.S.A. and it's not because labor is cheaper (okay not just because). The United States has (had???) the Environmental Protection Agency to regulate how much damage manufacturers can do to the planet when making a thing. Many other countries, like China, for example have no such regulations. It's hard for me to get preachy about electronics because I am a sucker for a new iPhone every two years. However, I am doing my best in other departments like continuing to repair my camera and using a monitor that is nearing 10 (!) years old and I don't have a TV. I guess what you can do here is try to make them last twice as long as they are "supposed to" and definitely take your old electronics to recycling centers. Anyway, I have a lot of feelings about this, but no real actions except for buy less than what you need. Every time I want a new gadget I think about this lake in China that is being mined to make our cool shit.

BUH BYE PLASTIC BAGS

I feel like I shouldn't have to say this, but you have to stop getting plastic grocery bags.

*cough cough* If for some reason you don't already own a plethora of totes, I sell some cute ones in my shop!

CHANGE YOUR BEAUTY PRODUCTS

Yeah those. This one is really tough to start, but not that hard to stick with. Beauty brands have picked up on the fact that people are becoming environmentally conscious, so they are making more and more products with fewer harmful chemicals.

Here's the cool thing about choosing better beauty products, they are better for your health and for the planet's. Win-win. I'm in a rush here, so I will give you a short list of ingredients to avoid, but there is a really amazing website called Skin Deep that can tell you so much more about nearly every major product on the market. Do your own research.

Ingredients to avoid:

Triclosan and triclocarban

Retinyl palmitate

Retinyl acetate

Retinoic acid

Retinol

Retinyl palmitate

Oxybenzone

Parabens

Phthalates

If you want to keep it simple and go real hippie-like you can exclusively use Dr. Bronner's Castile Soap and wash your hair with Apple Cider Vinegar.

NO MORE COFFEE FILTERS

My very least favorite thing to clean is a french press. Something about scraping the old coffee grounds into the compost bin really annoys me. But I do it, almost daily, because I know it's better than using a coffee brewing method that requires a filter. If you are really passionate about your chemex or pour-over, consider a reusable coffee filter.

SOME IDEAS FOR WHEN YOU ARE IN THE MOOD TO SPEND MONEY

I will admit that I use shopping as form of therapy, but am making a real effort to change my relationship with physical things. I know the happiness I get from shopping is fleeting, so here's a short list of some ways to spend money without accumulating physical things:

Get a massage or acupuncture

Get a haircut (but no more dyes, those are killing the earth)

Take yourself out to a really fancy meal

Or at least out to fancy cocktails

Get a gym membership or upgrade your current one

Spend an hour at the farmer's market choosing the perfect meal

Find a shoe repair shop and get one old favorite pair fixed.

Take a train ride to a nearby city for a day.

Take an art class or workshop.

LOOK AT WHERE YOUR CLOTHES COME FROM

This is so much more than an environmental issue. The fashion industry starts at the cotton farms, goes to manufacturers (usually outside of the US, exploiting workers), then add shipping (fossil fuel) and again low-wage workers in the U.S. to staff the retail stores or shipping warehouses.

The only truly safe bet when purchasing clothes is to buy used. I know, I know, it's not for everyone, but I am not here to give you an easy way out.

You could also try to get your friends together for regular clothing swaps if you are not that into thrift stores.

Lastly, there are companies that are doing better, the clothes tend to be more expensive, but that is because they are paying workers fair wages and buying more sustainable fabrics. The good news is these are usually great investments and can last you a long time.

Yes, I am also aware that I make products out of new materials and sell them to people. Nobody is perfect.

For more information watch The True Cost and read this article about worker treatment in major online retailers' warehouses.

STOP ASSUMING THAT BECAUSE YOU DONATE YOUR CLOTHES TO GOODWILL OR SALVATION ARMY THAT YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK

Nope! Most of those clothes end up getting shipped (fossil fuel) to Haiti and sold by the ton. From there they either end up in landfills or with a small number of people who are trying to do something productive with your garbage.

FOOOOOOOOOOOD

This deserves so much more than a paragraph or two but I am going to try to keep it simple. You could become a vegetarian, but nah I am not going to do that so I can't really tell you to.

You can stop eating beef and drinking milk. The largest impact we can have right now is to reduce the total number of cows being raised here. Cows emit so much methane into the atmosphere.

If you really want to eat beef (I do) do it very rarely and buy pasture-raised, grass fed beef. While you are at it, buy only grass fed butter and seriously stop drinking milk. That shit is not good for you after childhood.

Other things you probably already know (buy maybe not) are to buy local produce. Like, go to the farmer's market or a local farm.

Back to the point on paper, if you stop eating processed food you will throw away (recycle) less packaging. That's a plus. Oh and processed foods are no good for you anyway.

I see a lot of Instagram posts hating on “the algorithm.” I can see and understand why it’s frustrating to so many people, but it’s time to stop blaming the algorithm. It’s doing exactly what is was intended to do. If you want to exist outside of the confines that someone else built, it’s time to find a new space to do so.

There is no singular person or action that’s pushing your content out of feeds, it’s just that people aren’t engaging with it. Period. There is very little publicly available data, and we often think that it’s the visible data that is being tracked. Things such as “llikes,” “saves,” and “comments.” Those visible indicators are probably very little of what Instagram is tracking. They know if you slow your scrolling by a microsecond to look at a post a little longer, they track if you watch the whole video or tap tap tap to skip Stories or scroll through a whole carousel of images. Even if you never like a single photo from a particular account you can still be engaged in their content and that’s what the algorithm is going to feed you. The algorithm is more interested in the unconsious actions than the conscious.

So if you believe for whatever reason that you are being banned by Instagram it’s not them, it’s you. I’m not saying this to be cruel, but it’s the truth. The algorithm isn’t manipulated to punish a select few. It’s a highly intelligent organism that shows users EXACTLY what they want to see.

I don’t trust big tech companies. This sort of behavior isn’t what I want to participate it. I see only two ways to hold them accountable: 1. legislation (which, let’s be real, will take a long-ass time) and 2. to disengage with the platforms that aren’t treating you the way you want to be treated. Your data is incredibily valuable to them and you have the option to withhold that data.

Removing yourself from the platforms is not without consequence. Some businesses rely solely on these platforms for marketing, but the problem is that it’s just going to get harder to be seen there.

Until the algorithm is set to improve my life rather than hold me hostage on the app, I’m going to put very little energy there. I have Instagram installed on an old phone that remains at my studio. No more evenings spent scrolling, just occasional posts and annoucements and a brief scroll through close friends to see what they are up to. That’s it for me until things change.

So if you are feeling “shadowbanned” I’m not even totally sure what that means, but the term comes up a lot. I encourage you to find other ways to communicate with the people you are seeking to serve. Email newsletters, good old fashioned blogs (oh hi there) and a million other ways to communicate with people.

I spent about four hours over the last few days obsessively watching J. Kenji Lopez Alt videos on youtube. There is something magnetic about him. The kitchen is nice, but also messy in a real way. There is no veil of perfection about his home. Sometimes he has to pause recording to get his kid a bowl of blueberries, sometimes the dog comes in for a piece of pepperoni. Sometimes he calls his wife out for scratching the surface of his 20 year old non-stick pan.

He’s a total nerd in the most charming sense. Some videos he gets himself on a kick about pressure, temperature, and cooking times. He talks himself in a spiral that only a physicist could follow. The food he cooks on his videos looks downright delectable. After watching hours of these videos I am pretty sure we are friends. He’ll be inviting me over for dinner after we get our vaccines.

As of yesterday, my oranges are sliced to perfection, my knives are sharp, my cast iron seasoned and my food truly tastes better. All thanks to this guy who at first glance appears pretty regular. But he's not regular at all in the sense that he doesn’t hide all of the parts of himself that most of the rest of us are tucking away.

It’s hard to fully pinpoint my attraction to him and his life, but at the end of the day I want what he has. I want the house, dogs and a mighty collection of pots and pans, but more importantly I want to act like my most authentic self so deeply and pervasively that others can’t help but enjoy my company (digitally or otherwise).

I've already purchased two new kitchen tools, that's the easy part of emulating his life. There's the little piece of me that thinks if I just have all of the products he has, then that's it, right? But I know better. That's the easy part; the part that this country was made for: buy this thing if you want to be like this person. What he really has is an ability to be authentic online without insecurity or apology. So, now onto the hard part: how do you show up on the internet in 2021 and be 100% yourself?

I am not sure I have the right words to describe how I am feeling/doing/acting right now. We are two weeks into a home quarantine because of the coronavirus. I definitely am having a lot of feelings, but no words seem to encapsulate the depth and breadth of my experience.

Here’s some words that might be skirting around The Truth:

oscillate
waver
waves
grief
discomfort
unreal
melancholy
hope
action
despair
enjoyment
love
revel
luxuriate
leisure
hurried
anxious

No matter though. I now can’t remember where I read this, but one day last week I read, “Emotions need motion.” And so, while it’s difficult to pinpoint WHAT I am feeling. I am now focusing on HOW and WHERE I am feeling it and letting it pass through me. It’s a little uncomfortable at first to let it all wash over me at once, but once the moment passes I feel free of it. So I wanted to pass on this nugget to anyone who happens by this random corner of the internet, because giving your motions some space for movement will help! Promise.

If change were easy, everyone would do it.

If change were fun, everyone would do it.

If change brought only pleasure, everyone would do it.

Shifting, transmuting, cycling through growth is not easy or fun and is rarely pleasurable. I still feel called to try. Something is at the end of the cycle calling my name and I walk towards it. Eggs, cocoons, pollination are all symbols of that messy middle part. This is the least comfortable stage for me and it feels like molasses.

This is the part where I question even trying, think about giving up. I see only the step that’s right in front of me and take it.

Step. Step. Step.

When I remember to look up I see I the butterflies, the bees, the ravens and the fish at sea. They remind me that the cycle will continue.

The Moon will make her rotation around the Earth, the Earth around the Sun and I too will make my way around the circle once more.

Then, begin again.

Lately I have been trying to feel my emotions more deeply. Turns out, no emotion is one-sided and basically every feeling I have exists in the tension between two or more places. Sometimes I try not to label my emotion at all. But, some days it feels better to file it in a category so I can observe it if the same feeling comes up again. Instead of naming a singular feeling, I have been working on naming the two ends of the spectrum. Above are some recent feelings that have come up for me.

I just returned from an amazing vacation and while I was thrilled to be back in my own bed, I really mourned the end of the trip and all of the experiences I had there. Holding both of those feelings at the same time seems “not allowed.” We are taught from a young age to express our feelings in single word answers, and it turns out that’s not really how the human mind / body / soul works. For every up there is a down and you can and do feel the up and the down in the exact same moment.

I would love to hear about your dueling emotions as well.

You know that phrase, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?” I think that men constructed this to pit women against one another, that men were so threatened by women that they made up stories and narratives to make us out to be jealous, and for a while, we believed them, trusted them. And the women who didn’t believed them were killed for holding onto their beliefs. But now that we are in the season of smashing the patriarchy, we are here to take back our stories.

The word “witch” came up twice for me today, and I think that when something appears to you over and over again, you need to follow it. I always wanted to be a witch: the kind that could make things fly, or light candles by blowing on them (hello, Practical Magic). I grew up in the era of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Charmed, The Craft, Practical Magic, and Harry Potter. To say I was obsessed is an understatement. What was it that spoke so much to me about these magical realms? Is it really so far-fetched to believe in magic?

I listened to both of these podcasts today that reminded me to believe in magic:

Strange Magic - Episode 0
The Goop Podcast - Is Science the Way to Describe Magic?

Listening to these women talk so pragmatically about magic made me think. Magic isn’t some external power that is granted to you, it’s an energy that already lives within you. Do you ever just think about the mere fact that you are alive? It’s FUCKING MAGIC. Like the idea that you come out of the womb and suddenly take your first breath and fill your lungs with air and it gets delivered by a complex system of blood vessels all over your body and then sends a signal to your brain to cry? To cry and scream because you can, because you are alive. That’s magic.

So, I guess my point is, to believe it when you feel that magic bursting inside of you. That little voice that says, "paint this, try this, write that, make this.” You just have to believe it to see it.

I have been thinking a lot about the systems we live in like capitalism, democracy, even smaller systems like your apartment building or place of work. As I spend time thinking about these things this list of questions has developed:

• Who designed this system?

• Who did they design it for?

• Who does it benefit? Exploit?

• Who was intentionally left out? Who was unintentionally left out?

• Where is your information about this system coming from?

• What assumptions are you making about it?

• Who, if anyone, does this system silence?

Mostly, I am building a business and want it to be addressing some systemic issues that our society faces today, so as I design the business from the ground up, I am trying to keep these questions in mind.

Have any other questions I should add? Email hello at bekkapalmer dot com!

I've spent the past year or so trying to reduce the amount of stuff coming into my life especially things that I don't really want or things that turn to waste quickly. I both wanted to save money, but also I am really sick of having to clean out my closet and house and just want less stuff period.

I am pretty careful about making big purchases and generally make them with a lot of thought and care, but my weakness lies in impulse purchases. It's fun, it feels good in the moment, I get that quick high of getting something new, and usually it's fairly low in price so it doesn't feel extravagant. But then, when I started adding up the cost of my impulse purchases I realized I could save hundreds of dollars a month if I learned to curb that impulse. Additionally, when I clean out my closet or kitchen or wherever, most of the stuff I want to get rid of started as an impulse buy.

Here's some prompts and questions I have learned to use when I am about to hit that checkout button.

1. Pause, take a deep breath. Sometimes this is the only thing I have to do to look at said item and think, okay I don't really need that, or I will just throw this away in six months.

2. Can I let it go? Meaning, if I walk away right now, how much longer will I continue wishing I had this item? Usually it goes away in about an hour.

3. Do you want this item long-term? If I am still thinking about a piece of clothing or decor the next day or two days later, then I think, is this something that will last me a year? Ten years? What's the lifespan of this item and can I responsibly dispose of it when it's time is up.

4. Will buying this thing cause me financial anxiety? Listen to your gut reaction when you answer this one. It's usually so obvious, but sometimes I make up a huge list of excuses to buy something, but generally, if it's going to stress me out to spend X money, then I need to walk away.

5. How long will this item be on the market? This question is great because usually it can buy you time before you click purchase. Like the perfect vintage shelves on ebay aren't going to last long, but certain slow fashion clothing brands are going to continue making those pants for another 10 years so just wait until you are ready to buy it. If something is fleeting, meaning that you have limited time to buy it, I always think that another thing will come into my mind to replace this desire so I can let it go.

6. Is there something else you want more than this? Pretty much always a yes for me, I have some clothes and jewelry that I am always saving up for, so when I look at something new or that I just learned about I can always say to myself, "Well, you want those Jesse Kamm overalls more than this t-shirt, so just let it go."

I've been on about a one year quest that began with me wanting to change my career, but it turns out this process has changed my whole life. A year ago I officially started Closed Mondays and thought, I want to take this seriously and make it my full-time gig. I was looking to get out of commercial photography and make things by hand all day every day. 

So, I did a trade with a business coach for a few sessions and then was deep on my way to learning how to run a business and it turns out that it helps to have your life running smoothly in order to get your business doing the same.

Now I spend a ton of time talking about books, podcasts and other content that really helped me, so I've put together basically a step-by-step of what I would suggest to someone if they wanted to go through the long a tedious process of finding your life's work and then DOING it.

One podcast I listen to pretty regularly is the Tim Ferriss show. I generally take it with a big grain of salt (like Maldon sea salt, not your average tiny grain table salt) because he speaks from a place of white male privilege and doesn't always see that or notice that he is missing marginal voices on his podcast. I mention his podcast several times in this post, but just want to say, listen, take what you need, but also continue to find a diverse set of voices to guide you through your life. Anyway, that's where I found an interview with Debbie Millman that would be the impetus of change for me. 

Start there, take a listen and then, here's the most important part is do her assignment of the ten year plan. In her words, "do it like your life depends on it, because it does." Sitting down to write this out and taking it seriously gave me direction. This is a crucial step, because you can do all of the business classes and self-help you want, but if you don't have a destination in mind you will never get there. It will also help you to see what you want to prioritize in life and get rid of anything that doesn't fit into your dream world.

The next part is both the worst part and then later it's the best part. You gotta do some work to see what kinds of cobwebs have made a home in your subconscious that are holding you back. It hurts, it sucks, childhood trauma is real and scarring, however, once you find it, it's a lot easier to move past it. What I found personally is that many things that happen in my life that I don't necessarily want or like are patterns that have come up over and over again. Once you see the pattern, you will never unsee it and it will be easier to spot those friendships/relationships/problems on the horizon and steer clear in order to avoid repeating the same thing all over again.

There are a lot of methods to get into your head, I have tried most of the ones listed below and use a combination that works for me. You might look into some of these and say, "come on, are you for real, this is bullshit" and that's fine, if it doesn't speak to you, it's never going to work for you so try the next thing on the list or find your own way. But you won't move forward without looking back. 

• Finding your shadow and reparenting with Lacy Phillips of Free and Native

• The Tools by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels

• The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron

• You are a Badass by Jen Sincero

• Let it Out a guide to journaling by Katie Dalebout

• Counseling or psychotherapy

I have tried a lot of these methods and found a mix that speaks to me. There are infinite ways to dig into your psyche and find healing. If something doesn't work for you, try another method. I would say that the ones that seem to work best are the ones with a daily routine as it takes a lifetime to heal your mind.

Okay so you dug deep, and are coming out of that cave. Now it's time to get really good at prioritizing the things that truly matter to you. That means, learning to say, "No." This is the number one most important lesson I have learned this year. Every time you say "no" to something that doesn't serve you, another, better opportunity will crop up. Seriously. It works.

Listen to Tim Ferriss again, he's got some great methods in this episode for saying no.

My favorite method of saying no is to create a set of rules for yourself and blame the "no" on them, so it  takes the personal out of it. "Thanks for reaching out, as an artist I am wildly protective of my time during the workday and have to say no to any events during that time. If you have another event in the evenings or on weekends feel free to reach out again"

"I am re-focusing my business on what matters most to me which is making baskets. This means I am no longer taking on jobs for product photography but you could reach out to my trusted colleague __________ for this job."

I have read the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown yet, but listened to a few chapters online and it seems EPIC. It's on my long list of books to read to change my life.

While you are doing all of this good stuff clean out your physical life too with The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up my Marie Kondo.

So far, that's where I have gotten with this process in my life. I have seen a 180 degree turn in my career in the best way possible, and digging through my subconscious has helped me in so many ways I can't even count them. I'll keep ya posted on any updates, further reading or listening that I come across.

Some other books that I've been reading lately that intersect with the above:
Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés Ph.D.
A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
 

I woke up in the middle of the night last night in a panic. For the first time in a long time my anxiety wasn't about my financial situation, but about the state of the world. I kept seeing this image of a starving polar bear. It's hard to get a grasp on global climate change, it's such a massive idea, and we don't always get images that allow us to relate to it, but the bear is sticking in a lot of people's minds.

Last week I listened to an interview with M. Sanjayan (links to iTunes podcasts). I've been working hard on reducing my footprint over the past year and M. said this, "Don't let perfection keep you out of the game... If you want to make some small changes in your life, what you eat and how you cook it makes a huge difference. It's probably the one thing that you could do. How you cook and how you waste food. Wasting food is a big big deal." The energy output to produce, distribute and cook the food you eat outweighs even the kind of car you drive.

I thought about this last night, how the over production and wasting of food especially in our country, is literally causing polar bears to starve to death.

I was waiting to write here again for that silver bullet, the one thing that I could think of that everyone would and could do to save the planet, but there is no such thing. So I am back, hopefully often, to present the tidbits I find here and there and the ideas I come up with to make a difference.