But either Islam's most celebrated British convert since Cat Stevens has developed a refreshingly laissez-faire attitude to the traditional Muslim prohibition of alcohol, or his pretty blonde companion must be a thirsty girl.
Either way, the couple made a £350 bottle of vintage Dom Perignon champagne disappear between them.
]]>So a big shout out to former Middlesbrough midfielder Phil Stamp, recently spotted helping his dad out in the running of a karaoke night.
At a Teesside nursing home.
]]>When a Turf Moor steward announced Tony Mowbray's arrival at last Tuesday's post-match press conference with the words, "Ladies and gentleman, the West Brom manager", the Baggies boss asked, "You don't know my name, do you?"
"No," came the reply.
In a similar vein, just imagine former Manchester City and Stoke midfielder Nigel Gleghorn's pride at being told he would be the subject of a four-page programme feature when his old clubs met last weekend.
Now imagine how he felt to open it up and find the headline paying tribute to one Nigel Glenhorn.
]]>In yet another sign of why Martin O'Neill's side are catching up on the big four, Villa sequestered a secure 'window room' at the club's Bodymore Heath training ground, complete with whiteboards listing the club's targets at every position in descending order of desirability.
The clever idea is almost certain to have come from chairman Randy Lerner, who also owns American football's Cleveland Browns. It is borrowed from the NFL's draft day system, where clubs list the names of their most-wanted college players on whiteboards and wipe them out as rival clubs take them with their picks.
Names on Villa's hitlist are said to have included Manchester City's Micah Richards, Everton's Leighton Baines, Wolves' Wayne Hennessey and Sheffield United right back Kyle Naughton - in addition to Wigan's Emile Heskey, who they bagged for £3.5million.
After Ron Atkinson's Owls shocked Manchester United in the 1991 League Cup final, viewers in Yorkshire barely saw the Cup lifted before the commercial network's coverage ended, depriving them of witnessing the post-match celebrations, analysis and interviews.
Happily, they did get to see an equally important sporting occasion instead... which is why one of Wednesday's fanzines is known as War Of The Monster Trucks.
]]>Training ground jokers refer to his specialities as "a taste of Death".
DAFT QUOTES OF THE WEEK
"Jo has become a national hero on half of Merseyside" - MIKE PARRY
“West Ham either win or lose - they've won five, lost five and drawn one�? - JOHN SALAKO
WICKED WHISTLE 1
Which player is licking his wounds after having a Carol Thatcher moment in a nightclub queue?
A bouncer overheard his 'playful' taunts at the black team-mate he was with and laid into the stupid striker. Only his mate's intervention saved him from a serious beating.
WICKED WHISTLE 2
Which current manager and former top flight player will have read Steve Bennett's comments with interest - as he was notorious for always being unavailable through suspension or 'injury' during the festive period?
CHANTS FOR PIES
Stamford Bridge was so quiet on Saturday Hull fans were singing: "Agadoo, doo, doo, push pineapple shake the tree; Agadoo, doo, doo, football in a library".
David Farrow wins a box of Pukka Pies for letting us know. Email the funniest chant you've heard at football this week to steve.anglesey@mirror.co.uk together with your name, address and choice of potato & meat, chicken & mushroom, steak & kidney or all-steak flavours
Do you agree with our choices? Who would you add to the list. Let us know below.
]]>"Unfortunately it's a function of modern day finance,�? he told Sky Sports News. “Absolutely there will have to be naming rights on the stadium.
"It's going to be a new stadium so it won't be White Hart Lane. If we want things to progress, things have to change."
With that in mind, here’s the companies we’d like to see put in offers:
The Football Pools
The only people who value draws more than Spurs fans
Lilywhites
A major force in the ‘60s and ‘70s but which has been living off past glories for years
Buitoni
Because there’s nothing Spurs players love more than a decent lasagne
Anusol
Because all that harping on about ‘winning stuff in years that end with a one’ was, frankly, a pain the arse
Teflon
Well, they already sponsor Heurelho Gomes gloves, so why not?
Got any more? Leave them in the comments below...
]]>Replicas of Robbie Blake's now famous kecks are on sale in the club shop or you could get them customised with your own message at www.footypants.co.uk.
Blake's message referenced his appalling poker luck, when even with a great hand he manages to get beaten in a Bad Beat, but what would you suggest for other footballers?
The Hunt brothers at Reading could have matching SLAVE pants – they made a deal at the start of the season that when one scores, the other has to play skivvy for the rest of the week.
Or former bookmaker's cashier Nicky Bailey could have ODDS ON. Although maybe it's not a good idea to put that on your pants.
Anyway, leave your suggestions for footballers' pants here and we'll get the best ones made up and sent to the player.
Snapped ahead of Manchester United's Champions League tie with Celtic, Dimitar Berbatov (left) looks like he's trying to smuggle something under his shirt into the Reds' training session.
But what?
A small fridge? Shaun Wright-Phillips? Wembley Stadium?
Let us know what you think by leaving a comment below.
]]>The identity of the new commercial partners has been kept under wraps, but 3pm has uncovered this secret list of the main contenders:
Iceland
The Icelandic banking system may be in disarray, but the budget frozen food sector has never had it so good.
Skint Records
Would certainly please Dean Ashton, West Ham’s very own Fatboy Slim
Iron Maiden
Band singer and airline pilot Bruce Dickinson rescued some of XL’s stricken passengers, so why not bail out their commercial partners too?
Ian Beale
The only man in the East End who’s actually making any money
BUPA
Would save the injury-stricken club a fortune in medical bills in the long run
B&Q
Could offer the board some useful tips on how to make money out of Hammers
Nintendo
The perfect match for West Ham: one has a popular, short, comedy Italian for a figurehead, and the other has Mario the plumber.
Fairy Liquid
So the fans can keep their hands soft while they’re blowing bubbles
Cash Converters
Could come in handy in January – who else is going to take Kieron Dyer off their hands?
Yorkshire Bank
Well, most of the club’s money will be ending up there anyway, so they might at least try and get some coming back the other way
Got any more suggestions? Post them in the comments below...
]]>L4Men will go head-to-head with the likes of David Beckham, Posh Spice, Paris Hilton and J-Lo on the celeb fragrance rack at your local Boots.
We’ve not had a sniff of the aftershave yet, but judging by Liverpool’s performance on the pitch we’ve compiled the following aroma notes.
“At first it smells brilliant, but soon fades to nothing�?
Along the same lines, here’s what a handful of other Premier League team’s fragrances might smell like:
Manchester United - “The sweet smell of success tinged with burnt hair. Popular in the Far East�?
Tottenham - “Looks promising on paper, but reeks of failure. And Tapas�?
Chelsea - “An oily, cosmopolitan fragrance that suits anyone with new money�?
Hull - “Surprising and refreshing with a hint of tiger�?
Arsenal - “We won’t go there�?
Got any more suggestions? Leave your comments below
]]>Nominate your favourite sporting funnies for future inclusion by adding a comment below...
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Some have called it the worst miss in history, But what do you think?
Nominate your favourites in the comments below, and we'll put the best on the main site.
He won’t miss next week’s clash with Belarus though, as Setanta have fixed him up with a Setanta subscription, and given him a DVD copy of the Croatia game for him to have.