Cricket Blog - Mirror.co.uk

What the Australian papers said about drawn 1st Ashes Test

2009-07-14T11:49:10Z

"To suggest( England captain Andrew Strauss's) intentions were good after sending( them) on to the field to deliberately waste time in the dying minutes of the tensely drawn First Test is ridiculous." Herald-Sun

"England tailender Jimmy Anderson thought it was Christmas in July when part-time spinner Marcus North was brought into the attack." The Age

"Ricky Ponting's limitations as captain were exposed... on a supine surface." The Age

"Next time you question Ponting's tactics, manner or motives, just think - we could always have Strauss drably leading our nation into battle.'' The Brisbane Times, who described the England captain as "like a blushing schoolboy who needs a note from his parents to play."

Curry on Twittering Bumble

2009-07-13T09:34:57Z

At Least there was one former England coach able to raise a smile during yesterday's hapless procession.

David 'Bumble' Lloyd, the bard of Accrington himself, has already acquired 15,000 followers of his Twitter feed.

Bumble's latest revelations include a full match report on his Saturday night curry with Sky Sports colleague Nasser Hussain, who - shock, horror - over-clubbed on the popadoms and could not finish his main course.

Mike Gatting and Sir Les Patterson to challenge waitresses...

2009-07-13T09:34:57Z

Yorkshire's Ashes gala dinner at the Queen's Hotel in Leeds next month will be hosted by Mike Gatting and Sir Les Patterson.

The mind boggles.

Waitresses can expect to operate a busy shuttle from the sweet trolley for one, and to maintain a discreet distance from the other - to avoid being goosed.

Faith healer no help to Simon Jones

2009-07-13T09:34:57Z

Faith healers have kept a low profile since former England manager Glenn Hoddle's ill-fated attempt to sprinkle his team talks with a dash of hocus-pocus.

But now it transpires that England's cricketers have tried the healing hands treatment to cure serious injury normally addressed by conventional medical practice.

Simon Jones, England's king of reverse swing in 2005 until a bone spur in his ankle ruled him out of the final Test at The Oval, has revealed he resorted to a faith healer in a desperate attempt to be fit.

"She came round to the team hotel and did her thing, but unfortunately it didn't work," said Jones, who was a helpless spectator at Sophia Gardens as the Aussies butchered England's Ashes weaklings.

At least Jones resisted footballer Ray Parlour's famous chirp when Hoddle's faith healer Eileen Drewery laid her hands on his curls: "Short back and sides, please love."

Lee Westwood beats Sky to offering Michael Vaughan a job...

2009-07-13T08:28:45Z

Speculation persists that Michael Vaughan will be moving into a Sky Sports commentary box already heavily populated by ex-England captains,

For the moment, though, it remains wishful thinking. Newly-retired Vaughan, who watched the first two days of the Ashes from England sponsor Vodafone's corporate box, has had only one job offer to date - to carry Ryder Cup golfer Lee Westwood's bag.

Sadly, the offer did not extend to this week's Open Championship at Turnberry, where Westwood's caddie Billy Foster will be back on parade after a 90-mile charity walk.

"Michael's only used to carrying a bat and a helmet, so we'll have to train him up," said Westwood, who is Vaughan's stablemate at Andrew 'Chubby' Chandler's ISM management group

We could do with more than Jack Hobbs' bat...

2009-07-13T08:28:45Z

Bidding for a bat used by Jack Hobbs to score two Ashes centuries in Australia in 1924-5 is expected to start at £800 at auction in Salisbury this week.

Pity the great man himself isn't still around to show some of England's feckless batsmen how to hold one.

Some more celebrity members and a day to remember

2009-07-12T21:17:44Z

So first Piers Morgan came and sat with the Army and then we had the legend that is SImon Jones. The top guys at Glamorgan CCC brought him up to sit with us yesterday and he looked rather sheepish as we all sang his song. And he wasn't the only Simon to join us. Later in the evening we partied with Simon Weston. I pointed out to him that if he could get through what he had endured then England could surely bat out a day at the cricket. They did in the end, but his efforts will put their 'bravery' into context for those of us lucky enough to meet him.

Which is not to underestimate what we pulled off today. All happy days in the end and it means that a series that would otherwise have been on a downward spiral - in the opinion of pretty much everyone who had been to Cardiff - is now surrounded by a buzz not a million miles away from, ahem, 2005. And this time we haven't lost the first Test. It's hard to believe that we're only three days away from the next instalment and therefore time to open the second Christmas present, to continue my analogy from an earlier post.

Before that we're having the second of our Fans' Ashes games between the Barmy Army and the Fanatics on Regent's Park on Wednesday. If the cricket bug has bitten you and you can't wait three days, head down and check it out. More details on our website. A great opportunity to find some Aussie supporters to wind up if nothing else.

Richard Branson's sauce is a bridge too far for uptight Aussies

2009-07-11T09:44:56Z

Patriotic Sir Richard Branson has upset Aussies with an opportunist publicity stunt which had humourless cobbers demanding his arrest.

Promoting his Virgin Media Fifty50 Ashes charity, the tycoon had a massive image of himself beamed across the iconic Sydney Harbour Bridge with the caption: "Good luck Ricky - you'll need it. Dicky x".

As we all know, Aussies love dishing it out, but they can't take it.

And sure enough, they didn't enjoy a Pom desecrating one of their famous landmarks, forcing Branson to issue a qualified apology on his Twitter feed.

"I'm sorry if I've ruffled a few Aussie feathers with my message... maybe the truth hurt," said Tricky Dicky.

Incidentally, the bridge - known locally as the Coathanger - was built by Teesside engineers Dorman Long.

Stephen Jones hoping Lady Ruck is batting for us

2009-07-11T09:42:41Z

British Lions scrum-half Stephen Jones, who managed to survive an entire Test series in South Africa without having his eyes gouged, was among a large contingent of Welsh rugby stars on parade at the Test yesterday.

Jones was joined by Jonathan Thomas, Mark Jones, Ian Evans and Gareth Cooper in parading the James Bevan Trophy - held by Wales after their 21-18 defeat of Australia last autumn during the lunch break.

Jobsworths sour Cardiff Castle reception

2009-07-11T09:40:33Z

Jobsworths are alive and well and obstructing the blameless in Cardiff after all.

A lavish reception thrown by the Welsh Assembly for cricket media at majestic Cardiff Castle appeared to be an extension of the city's previously unblemished good manners and hospitality.

Sadly, the pipsqueak tendency resurfaced when one correspondent left briefly to meet his fairer half off a train and was denied the chance to finish his buffet by the venue's tedious no-readmission policy.

'Bored' Omari Banks nailed for tampering

2009-07-11T09:37:46Z

Even some players think county cricket is boring...

While England and Australia have been slugging it out, West Indian Omari Banks has been censored for ball-tampering in a second XI match across Cardiff Bay.

Banks, banned for digging his thumb and fingernails into the ball for the cider county's stiffs against Essex at Taunton Vale, told a disciplinary hearing he "did it out of boredom" and "didn't think the rest of the team noticed".

Somerset were penalised five runs in the match, fined £500 and docked points. It must have sent a shiver down umpire Billy Doctrove's spine - he was the silent partner when Darrell Hair accused Pakistan of ball-tampering at The Oval in 2006.

Now what's in Matilda?

2009-07-11T08:35:24Z

Check out the words to the Barmy Army's version of Waltzing Matilda, chortled England spinner Graeme Swann... so Mirror Sport took him at his word.

Suffice to say that we can't reproduce them on a respectable newspaper blog, but in essence they reveal that Matilda is promiscuous and she doesn't get much sleep.

Bad days at cricket are still better than good days at the office

2009-07-11T07:47:16Z

Not many days ago I equated the coming of the Ashes to waiting for Christmas. The similarities were obvious then and are becoming even more obvious now. Not least because Christmas tends to be over before you know it. And also because after all the excitement, Christmas can often be disappointing.

Because let's face it, the presents we've opened so far haven't been great. Disappointing bowling, batting that came in a really big package but ultimately wasn't completely fulfilling and the Aussies playing the part of the in-laws who manage to annoy you at every turn. All of which means this Ashes series has still to take on much shape.

That has been reflected in the stands to a certain extent. There has been the usual amount of anti-Aussie banter and they have even managed to come up with the odd comeback which makes a change, but the atmosphere has been steady rather than spectacular. We have been embracing our visit to Wales with a selection of Welsh songs such as Bread of Heaven and Men of Harlech and after all the controversy surrounding it everyone seems impressed with the ground.

The queues for food and drink are not too prohibitive and although those for the toilet can be fairly depressing, at least they move quickly. And everyone involved, from the police to the stewards have been absolutely brilliant. Very friendly, not overly officious and up for a laugh. Apart from the fact that the pitch looks suspiciously like one aimed at getting five days out of a game rather than a great game (although perhaps that's more our bowling than the pitch) it's a definite success.

We also had a celebrity join the Barmy Army this week as Piers Morgan (am I allowed to mention his name here?) was lucky / unlucky enough to be sat in front of the Army on day two. He was good fun, getting involved in some banter and passing judgement that Bill the Trumpet was good enough to go through to the next round of Britain's Got Talent. He even overpaid for a Barmy Army magazine when I pointed out that he was rich enough to pay more. (You can get yours for the normal price, just £2, here).

So all in all it's been an interesting few days. Not quite what we hoped for, but as our old adage goes a bad day at the cricket always beats a good day at the office.

First Glamorgan golf buggies - what about Lord's stairlifts?

2009-07-10T11:17:24Z

Following Glamorgan's inspired touch of ferrying spectators in shuttles from the car parks to the turnstiles in golf buggies, can we suggest the MCC buys into the new age of public relations?

How about stairlifts in the Lord's pavilion next week to help the old codgers reach the roof terrace?

Bonzer bouncers belong to Flintoff

2009-07-10T10:49:32Z

Excerpt from the Courier Mail in Brisbane, allegedly reflecting the opening day's play in Cardiff: "Australia unleashed a vicious Ashes bumper war."

Marvellous effort, that - especially as Ricky Ponting's workmanlike toilers rarely made a ball rise above stump-high, apart from the one from Mitchell Johnson which Andrew Strauss punched to slip.

On the other hand, Freddie Flintoff's assault on Phil Hughes in yesterday's post-lunch session was a pucker bouncer barrage.

Freddie was so pumped up he threatened Steve Harmison's record of 96.8mph, the fastest timed delivery by an Englishman.