Miss Grace's Disgrace

Hair Retrospective 2 of 3 - High School and College

2010-07-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

I left of last time in Junior High School, when my hair first became wildly curly. Let's continue our journey, shall we?

In ninth grade, I discovered gel. And got a little overzealous in my curl-controlling attempts. I think this is L.A. Look, the green one. My hair was literally hard to the touch. And crispy. And awesome?

I actually think this from some summer in junior high, but I'm throwing it into this series because THIS IS WHAT MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE RIGHT NOW. I'm not so good with the brushing/combing/etc.

Tenth grade, when I got switched over to private hippie school. Thus begins what will continue into a long history of 'hair twisted up and back.' My bershon face is because I broke my front tooth the week prior, and I WILL NEVER BE PRETTY AGAIN AND LIFE IS SO UNFAIR.

In 11th grade I start smiling again even though you can see my horrible unsightly broken front tooth. My hair is it's natural hair color, shortish, and it's actually much curlier than this, but by now I've figured out that if I keep it up when it's wet, it will dry much straighter.

Senior year, hair down and fairly productless/in its natural state. I think there might be some sort of lemon juice thing going on, but I was pretty blonde just from outdoorsness, etc.

Hey! College! So. College? Yeah.

Then I dyed my hair brown VERY briefly (don't have a pic online to show you), and then I tried to dye it back to blonde, which is where we'll start up with photos again.

Oh wait.

Here's a super washed out pic, but you can see that my hair is fading out of the brown into the....something?

Yeah, see the weird blonde dye line happening halfway down my face? That's the evidence of the brown hair.

I think this is more or less back to what my hair looked like (naturally) when I still spent a lot of time outdoors/in the sunshine and before I got preggers and stuff.
Um. Yeah. Also I'm dressed like chicken and putting my hand on my friend Cody's stuffed banana hammock.

Gratuitous picture of me in South Africa, next to some lions, in Kruger National Park.

BRAIDS!!!!!!

Next time, post-college to now. At some point I get married to my bangs and refuse to ever ever EVER give them up.
EVER.

Diptych - Vespertine

2010-07-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

Kellee and I have started using dictionary.com words of the day (eventually even the most brilliant minds run short on ideas), and today our choice is vespertine.

Of, or pertaining to, the evening.

And do you know why my standardized test scores are always artificially high? Because I actually remember learning that word, in junior high.

I threw a fit, and we're taking next week off because I'll be in New York City making an ass of myself in front of a bunch of other bloggers.

The week AFTER that (8/11), our theme will be bijou (I totally recommend looking THAT one up, I was thinking of bayou, and THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING).

All diptych info, including explainy information and a list of participants, can be found here.

One Year

2010-07-27T06:08:00.000-07:00

Ozymandias

I met a traveller from an antique land

Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.

And on the pedestal these words appear:

"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.

-Percy Bysshe Shelley

BlogHer - Pro Tips

2010-07-26T13:13:00.000-07:00

1. Whining on twitter about what parties you didn't get invited to makes you sound: like a whiner. Cut it out. There will always be private parties, at any conference, and there will always be people who aren't invited.
I say this as someone who probably wasn't invited either.
Would you believe that I'm not invited to MOST PARTIES?
It's like, only my FRIENDS want to invite me to their parties, and complete strangers who have never heard of me couldn't care less about my attendance.
Go.
Figure.
Stop worrying about what you're NOT invited to, start thinking about the places you ARE going, suck it up, and have fun.

2. Most people won't recognize you. Don't worry, most people don't recognize me. I don't recognize most people.
Seriously, I'm bad with faces.
And names.
Even if you talk to So-and-So every freaking day on The Twittah, unless you've printed up your avatar and pasted it to your forehead? Don't expect too much.
If you do paste your avatar to your forehead?
Can I have whatever you're having? Please?

3. Don't get your panties in a bunch because everyone's talking about shoes and clothes and pedicures. If you don't care about that stuff then just continue not to care about that stuff, filter out the noise, and carry on with your day, easy peasy mac n cheesy.
Similarly, don't get your panties in a bunch TALKING about shoes and clothes and pedicures.
If you shop at major national retailers? Someone else will probably have your dress. Or your bag. Or your earrings. Or whatever.
There are couple thousand women at this conference, and I guaran-goddamn-tee you that a big old chunk did their shopping at your favorite store. (And based on my highly scientific twitter research, that is especially true if your favorite store is Anthropologie (guilty as charged)).

4. Go for whatever reasons you're going (social, business, what have you), practice patience, follow the golden rule.
Have fun.
Everything will be fine.
Don't forget your psych meds.

Julia Julia Julia

2010-07-26T06:40:00.000-07:00

Hey Julia,

I know I've mentioned it a few times before, but we've been friends since we were seven. That's pretty fucking rad, no?

(Click to embiggen)

I'm glad I still know you, and I'm extra glad that you're still so ridiculously awesome.

Here's to another 20 years.

Get out there and have the best damned birthday in the history of ever. I love you sweetness.

-Jenny

Who knows how to make it a night out? Me, that's who.

2010-07-25T14:27:00.000-07:00

(Photos sniped from @califmom, cuz that's how I do)

Hair Retrospective 1 of 3 - Birth to Junior High

2010-07-23T08:23:00.000-07:00

Look at me with my baldness!

So. That continues for awhile (I'm the baby on the left).

Aw I'm two and still don't have enough hair to cobble together a pony tail (on the right).

2 1/2 - is that the best we could do? Really? It's awfully floofy.

And when she was almost three, she finally grew herself the baby mullet.

At 3 1/2 my hair was long enough for pigtails.

The start of the bedraggled hippie child little messy fluffhead years. It gets worse.

Well, first it gets better for a minute. In kindergarten my dad did my hair.

Oh yeah, there it is.

When I told my mom bangs? She should have said no.

Awesome.

This is fourth grade? Someone needs to brush my hair. Although I can vouch for my mother: I wouldn't let anyone brush my hair.

Huh. So...this is pretty much what I do with my hair today. Some things don't change.

Let's skip ahead to 6th grade, and the greatest outfit in all the land.

And then when I was 12, my hair got VERY SUDDENLY CURLY. VERY CURLY.

Stay tuned for my next installment: Awkward high school years and college mistakes!

You Sir, are ALLERGIC

2010-07-22T06:58:00.000-07:00

So yesterday morning I'm sitting at my desk at work, where I've been sitting five days a week for over two years now, when my eyes started watering uncontrollably. I went from normal Desk Sitting to OMG IT LOOKS LIKE I'M WEEPING AND I DON'T KNOW WHY WHAT'S GOING ON WITH MY FACE in about thirty seconds.
That was weird.
Then my nose started running.
I splashed some water on my face and told a bunch of coworkers that I was NOT having a nervous breakdown, despite appearances.
Then my face started getting all puffy and swollen, and there was a collective decision made by the Forces of Work that homegirl needs to get her ass into urgent care, stat.
Then on the way my throat started closing up.
Then I got there and they shot me full of whatever they shoot you full of when you're having an allergic reaction such that your body is trying to kill you.
Then because somewhere in there my Cough of Doom (a preexisting condition) flared up, I got to breathe some steroids on the nebulizer.

Anyhow, prior to ALLERGIC FIT OF MYSTERY AND DEATH:
I ate kashi cereal and soy milk for breakfast, same as 90% of mornings.
Had coffee, same as 110% of mornings.
Was wearing clothes I wear all the time that aren't made out of weird materials.

Allergies that I have (that I know about (that I don't think are related to yesterday because, well, I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF JOB)):
Latex* - When I was working in the medical field it got to a point where I would break out in a rash if I touched anything containing latex. I remember we had a set of masks that were SUPPOSED to be latex free but the tie-thingies WERE NOT, so I had this weird rash ON MY FACE. Now that I DON'T work with the stuff every damn day this seems to have eased/mellowed/perhaps disappeared? I've definitely come into contact with latex in the past 2-3 years without negative effect. My preference is still to avoid it though, for obvious reasons.
*Why yes, this is the worst allergy EVER IN THE WORLD, and it can be VERY AWKWARD TO DISCOVER, if you know what I mean.

Nonoxynol 9 - This is ALSO a very awkward allergy to discover.

I get a rash when I spend A LOT of time in chlorinated pools, and all sorts of different beauty products make me break out, but I think that's more about sensitive skin that allergies.

My eyes get really crazy itchy and dry sometimes, but that seems to be more related to Extensive Computer Time than any other variable.

And that's it, that I know about, for preexisting allergies.
So what do you think?
I didn't do anything different or new, I didn't eat anything different or new, the weather has been the same (and that would be some SERIOUS sudden onset hay fever type allergies), etc.

I have an epi-pen now.

And also a MYSTERIOUS ALLERGY.

Diptych - Crooked

2010-07-21T05:56:00.000-07:00

This week is crooked. I was THISCLOSE to also using a picture of books, because Kellee and I are IN SYNC like that. But not N'Sync or anything. Although Justin? Hey girl hey! Call me?

All of the dyptych info is posted on Kellee's site here, and next week is vespertine. It's totally in the dictionary, cuz that's where we got it.

Climbing Trees

2010-07-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

Well he just blends right in there, doesn't he?

Mimi's Mani/Pedi

2010-07-18T21:28:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I got my toesies painted turquoise.
To say that Mimi noticed would be a bit of an understatement.
It was the VERY FIRST thing she zeroed in on when I saw her on Friday. "Why are your toes blue? Can my toes be blue? CAN YOU MAKE MY TOES BLUE???"
She wanted turquoise toesies too.
I only have pink and red at my house, so it required a special trip to the store, but as soon as her mom gave the okay, I was quite happy to oblige.

I grew up with a woeful lack of girlishness in my family, and I always craved it. Camille is tough and fast and an expert tree climber and boy, the girl does not mess around, but she also loves all the girlie stuff.
She's my first cousin, so she's got the same lame non-girly adult relatives that I had.
Except for me, and I am so very happy to fill that role for her.
Do you know how much I would have loved having an adult female who was willing to paint my nails?
A lot.
I would have really loved it a lot.

Tractors, the key to Gabriel's heart

2010-07-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

More BlogHer-ing

2010-07-15T14:47:00.000-07:00

Some unrelated things bound loosely together in my mind by my upcoming trip to NYC to nerd around with a bunch of my friends Who Live on the Internet:

*Shoes! Should I bring sneakers on the OFF CHANCE that I want to get all exercisy? My flats don't take up much room, how many can I bring without seeming ridiculous?
Can I wear these with everything? I have my self 67% convinced that I can:

*Hey, are you going? When will you be there? I'm getting in early on August 4th, leaving on a morning flight on Sunday August 8th. Staying at the conference hotel, with Julia and Lora. Last year I met up with a bunch of people on the Wednesday night in the hotel bar. That was lots of fun. Wanna do that again? Let's do that again! Hey, with some emailing or something?

*Site seeing! Who's going where when? Want to invite me? I have Wednesday and Thursday to explore. I've hit most of the museums in NYC on prior trips, but it would be cool to take a picture of the Statue of Liberty I guess. I'm totally willing to do that via the Staten Island ferry, I ain't fancy or nothin'.

*Does someone have a handy mapped-out version of where we're staying so I can figure out where to buy snacks for the room?

*Hey, so. I have one of those old school phones that only calls people and sends text messages and stuff. It doesn't connect to the internet or facebook or twitter, and if it takes pictures, I sure don't know how. I actually AM changing service and leaping into this decade and getting a smartphone but I may not have it before I go on this trip. You guys? I might not have access to twitter or my email while I'm wandering aimlessly around. I NEED YOUR PHONE NUMBER. SRSLY. Otherwise I will be a lost little lamb adrift in a sea of loneliness. So....call me? Or text, actually, I'm sort of phone-phobic (Hey I'm a blogger and I'm socially awkward! What a strange thing!).

*Laptop - should I bring it? Last year I had to cuz I was liveblogging but I don't have one of those tiny netbooks, I have like, a heavy computer-type laptop. If I don't bring AND ALSO don't have a clever phone will I regret it for all of my days?

*I don't THINK I'm bringing my DSLR on this trip, because I brought it last year and didn't use it AT ALL. Plus I have a pretty little point and shoot. But. Again with the regrets. Will I regret not having it?

*Clothes! I think I'm going to bring 2-4 fancy small dresses, and a couple festive type cleavage enhancing shirts, my favorite hawt jeans, my favorite comf jeans, and then a few daytime dresses, and a cardi? And a swimsuit because I never go anywhere without one. My mom always says that it's worse to have a swimsuit and not need it than to need it and not have it.
AGREED. What else?

*Mic Wrangling! I'm mic wrangling this year, for some awesome sessions too!

*Money! How much cash on hand do I need? Cab rides, food, drinks, what do I need hard cash money to pay for?

*Um....yeah. So. What else? Who's going? Get in touch with me, okay?

Diptych - Angular

2010-07-14T08:15:00.000-07:00

I love this week's post. Be sure to check out Kellee's as well.
Want to know about our diptych project? Go here for an explanation, archives, and list of other participants.
Stay tuned for next week, 'crooked.'
Thanks for playing!
--
Over on Disgraced Shopping, I'm talking about a company very near and dear to my heart. I really would love you FOREVER if you clicked through and took a look (plus there's an opportunity to get some free goodies).

Check this out: Sisterhood of the traveling Dress of Awesome

2010-07-13T06:06:00.000-07:00

I bought this dress when I was living in Florence, summer 2002.
It was clearly sized incorrectly as an Italian medio (which is normally the equivalent to an American size 5).
It was marked down and marked down and marked down again, priced at only 15 Euro (at the time the equivalent of $15).
It was the only one, and it fit me, and I bought it, and it was magical.

Yeah my friend James is putting a dollar in my shirt with his teeth. What of it?

I gave it to Julia a couple years ago, because since I've had Gabriel, it fits me sort of like a sausage casing, and I felt it needed to move on to greener pastures. Up until this weekend, she had never worn it because the straps were too long.
So we reinvented it as a strapless dress, and here we are.

Lapdance, received at 3am, in a hookah bar. We are awesome.

The trunk of my car is very relaxing

Fabulous, no?

The Greatest Weekend in All the Lands

2010-07-11T19:54:00.000-07:00

On Friday I helped Califmom celebrate the awesomeness that was her birthday.

On Saturday Julia and I reinvented Good Choices.

Slideshow below may not show up in your reader, but I muchly recommend clicking on through.

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

#BlogHer10 OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

2010-07-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

(Some pictures are yoinked, clicking through should lead you to the original source)

Shopping List

2010-07-09T09:37:00.001-07:00

Does anyone else do this?

Keep track of what you need/need to do/whatever with a dry erase marker on the mirror?

Just me?

BlogHer10 - Party Dresses!

2010-07-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

Wanna see my choices?
Pretend I'm wearing appropriate underwear? I mean like, strapless bras where required and push-up bras where required, and spanx as needed and etc. In these pics I'm....not.
And! I tried to take pics at an angle where you could see hemline, but if you can't see it, the longest dresses only come a couple inches below knee.
Anyhow!
My choices!

This one is SUPER slinky/swanky, deep vee back which is hawtness for the tattoo, but tightness is a little tight on the belly, but good on the booty.

This one is fabulously comf with the floofy taffeta skirt option, plus it has sequins all around the hem.

This one, well first of all pretend it's not blurry and that I'm wearing the right bra. But this one I think maybe makes me look fat, and it's a little big. I bought it on super sale. In fact. Do you want it? It's a big size 10 (I normally wear a 12 and it's large on me).

I got this dress to wear to a wedding when Gabey was 6 months old. It is VAIR forgiving on the body. I really like it for flatteringness, but I *am* a bit tired of wearing it all the time.

Pretend about the bra. This one I thrifted last fall. It's flattering, if a bit boob-revealing and also a bit long for the skimpy top half. I like it.

Things I love about this dress: Pockets! I love the back straps, I like the exposed zipper on the side, it's different, it's super comfy. Thing I don't like: does it make me look fat?

I bought this dress 2 1/2 years ago and have never ONCE worn it out of the house. One reason is that the material is super clingy in a way that is spanx-mandatory. But I think it makes me look slenderish, and it's SILVER, and I love it, truly. Just need to balls up and wear it already.

This dress is much more chocolatey brown IRL than it looks in this pic. It is pretty comfortable, although I'm not CONVINCED it's something I can wear chonies with. It does this crazy HOLY J-LO TUSHIE thing that is....good if you're into that sort of thing, which I suppose I am?

Anyhow, I'm not packing ALL of them.
What do you think?

Shake. That. Ass for me. Shake that ass for me.

2010-07-08T08:47:00.000-07:00

So there I was, thrift centering around, and what did I find but a new-still-in-shrink-wrap copy of Pompilates! For $2!
What is Pompilates, you ask?
Oh man well it's in Spanish, but don't let that intimidate you, because its purpose is dang clear:

It's a tush workout.
In Spanish.
I was instantly, completely, 100% committed to making that purchase.
I even had a two dollar bill handy.

POMPILATES es un nuevo concepto de video que combina los mejores ejercicios de pilates y aeróbicos enfocados a las pompis.

You get to choose PompiSalsa, PompiAfroBeat, or PompiTechno for your background music.

And it's only 15 minutes but OHMYGOD.
You know how long I made it?
CAN YOU GUESS?
I lasted 6 minutes, 22 seconds, before spontaneously combusting, collapsing in a gelatinous heap on the floor, and crying for my mom.
And today it hurts to move.
I'm totally doing it again tonight.

The Spanish part is not a big deal because you're watching the lady do everything, and actually its much less annoying than a typical workout video because all of the encouraging bullshit washes RIGHT over my head.

Also there's totally a dude as a part of her two man crew; a little Hispanic dude working his buns.

POMPILATES: Es por tus pompis, admírate.
--
(I'd like to thank Nate Dogg for inadvertently titling my post (<--that song is NSFW, but also AH-MAZING)
--
Link is affiliate

Diptych! Dust!

2010-07-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

Whoa! We're actually still doing this! Thanks for your patience guys.

Stop on over to Kellee's as well (she's my partner).

Next week we're doing 'angular.'

Kellee's got a list of participants and topic schedule up right here.

Fifth Grade

2010-07-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

My opinions on Fifth Grade when I was a fifth grader:
*FIFTH GRADE WAS HORRIBLE
*My teacher hated me, he was out to ruin my life, because he hated me and it didn't matter what I did or how I did it because he hated me.
*School was stupid and they make you do all of these STUPID assignments that are STUPID and OBVIOUSLY I know how to do all of this STUPID STUFF and WHY do I have to turn it in to YOU, STUPID TEACHER WHO IS STUPID?
*OHMYGOD my life is unfair.

Somewhat relatedly, I totally ditched school in fifth grade. When I was ten. Elementary school.
It was horrible and I hated it and it was horrible.
--
My current opinions on homework are essentially unchanged. I hate having to provide Proof of Learning. It sucks the joy out of the acquisition of knowledge.
--
Today my mom handed each of her adult kids a box of all the school work she'd saved; do with it what you will. My preschool drawings have spent their maximum term in my mom's hutch, and either I can save them for myself, or not.
This box is pretty magical, and not just because it's labeled (no joke) 'Mars Travel/Recreation'.
--
Up until today, I had myself pretty well convinced that fifth grade was probably not as bad as I remember it.
Even though I have a really good memory and I remember it being bad.
You guys?
YOU GUYS.
Some of the stuff from fifth grade is positively EVIDENCE in my favor.
Since it's Independence Day, I think it's only fitting that I share what I have on the Revolutionary War. I didn't scan the whole bloody report, because I'm lazy, and it's not actually embarrassing or poorly written. Although, kinda. I mean, I wrote a novel on the Revolutionary War. Wrote and illustrated.
Okay maybe I should scan the whole thing.
Later.
What I'm going to show you is the 'About the Author' section that I wrote, and my Fifth Grade teacher's evaluation.

First, About the Author (click to embiggen):

It reads: About the author
Jenny J- is a ten year old girl going to Bradley School.
This book was inspired by a school assignment. Story was forced labor.

I remember being forced to do these idiotic assignments, which, whatever, but I remember my PARTICULAR RAGE at being forced to write the About the Author section, and having to include the inspiration for the story. THIS WAS A HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT YOU DUMB FUCK THERE WAS NO INSPIRATION!!
Regardless, this is pretty fucking bratty snipe snipe snipe at my teacher and what I thought of his stupid report requirement.

But! The evaluation (click to biggify):

Reads: Very late. C
You have some authentic touches.
There are many excellent lines in this, Jenny.
The problem of the tory/patriot families is hardly mentioned and not resolved.
Explanation for the mother's death??
I enjoyed your story, even if it was forced. Look at it this way Jenny, any work you do is forced.

I just DUDE. Okay fine I turned it in late and there's obvs some legit grading and criticism but that last line? It KILLS me. It's my evidence that he was SO VERY MUCH an equal participant in our antagonistic relationship. Why include that little barb? Why include it when grading your TEN-YEAR-OLD STUDENT?
I'm not saying I wasn't a brat, because, obviously. Look at my About the Author post one more time if you don't think I was a brat. But seriously? SERIOUSLY?
I'm just saying.
My fifth grade teacher was exactly as much of a dick as I remember him being.
That is all.

Christmas Lights in July

2010-07-04T12:41:00.000-07:00

It seemed like an artsy sort of good idea at the time.

Happy Fourth and stuff.

Happy Birthday Laura

2010-07-03T01:29:00.000-07:00

So. I was totally on the phone with my mom while this was going on (you can see me in the mirror), but I'm still taking credit for...owning the laptop? Having photobooth all up and running this morning?

I dunno.

Something.

Happy Birthday Laura!

We're still not twins, even though everyone still thinks that we are.
You're still pretty annoying, even though you say that I'm the annoying one.
I still like you a lot, even though I like to tease you..
And you're still one of my best friends.
Sisters are good things to have.

This isn't even really real

2010-06-30T21:34:00.000-07:00

(Not a real post)

1. I want to delete my facebook.

2. I started actually using tumblr, and it's filling a void I didn't even know I had.

3. I'm already tired of people bitching about BlogHer. It doesn't happen till August.

4. Still can't find my iPod touch. It's been months. I could cry, if I thought about it too much.

5. I kind of want to write a 'how to inadvertently lose 15-20lbs' post, but to do so would require a lot of....acknowledgment of some OCD behavior I have. Plus I'd have to talk about the cheese thing again, and I'm not to that stage of grief yet.

6. Gabriel's starting a new school next week. We're both excited.

7. I went to the mall to buy a new strapless bra a couple weeks ago. And came home with a pair of designer jeans instead? OHMYGOD YOU GUYS I LOVE THEM. I am converted. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO OWN DENIM. My ass looks ah-mazing.

8. BewbFest 2010. Do it. I wasn't going to submit anything because I wanted to be all smug and non-participatory as a member of BEWBFEST HALL OF FAME. But, I kinda miss our boob site, so I sent something in. I'll tell you to vote for me when the time comes.

9. By the way Boob Emancipation has apparently died. The domain needed to be renewed and only Holly could do it and she lives in Scotland now and....yeah. Sadface. No more boobs. Sorry guys.

10. I really, really, REALLY want to finish my tattoo. I was supposed to have an appointment on the 10th, but I canceled it when my car died, cuz, y'know, money. But I'm still sad and jonesing for my tattoo fix and whatnot.

11. My friend Gwen needs help. I think the internet can help her.

That's all for today.