Miss Grace's Disgrace

BECAUSE CAR RATS

2013-05-09T10:06:00.003-07:00

Yesterday morning, as I was driving to work, I felt something sort of....plop. Onto my lap. And I reached down to feel what it was and I squished something that was SMALL AND FURRY AND WARM.
And that something squirmed.
And I almost died a tragic and horrible flaming death right there on the freeway on a Wednesday morning.

Car Rats.

Car.

Rats.

As I was driving my car which I drive, two baby rats fell onto my lap FROM THE NETHERS OF MY STEERING WHEEL AREA.

They were ALIVE.

I SQUISHED one.

ON ACCIDENT.

BECAUSE LIVING BABY CAR RATS FELL FROM MY CAR ONTO MY BODY AND PERSON BECAUSE THAT IS THING THAT IS REAL AND EXISTS AND CAN HAPPEN BECAUSE CAR RATS.

No.

NO NO NO.

This can't be a THING WHY IS THIS A THING.

So I used a napkin to fling the baby CAR RATS into some freeway brush, then quietly hyperventilated until a highway patrol officer pulled up to see why I was pulled over (Is there a problem ma'am?) and then I tried to pull it together and drive the rest of the way to work, even though my mom had VERY helpfully pointed out that there were DEFINITELY more babies in there. SOMEWHERE.

I kept jumping and startling and probably driving somewhat erratically because CAR RATS.

Then I had to drive HOME.

Car.

Rats.

I took my car to the dealership this morning to address the CAR RATS and while they were appropriately sympathetic about LIVE LIVING RATS ON MY PERSON WHILE I DRIVE they were sort of distressingly NOT ALARMED by car rats in general.

Apparently it's baby car rat season.

Yesterday a man came in with a nest of baby rats under his passenger seat.

Car rats.

Car rats are real and they exist and you probably have them.

I thought I knew, but I really didn't know.

Car rats are worse than toilet mice.

Why do I KNOW that?

Car rats.

CAR RATS.

CAR RATS ON MY LEGSSSSSSS

San Pedro Square Market

2013-03-05T08:00:00.000-08:00

--
As you may or may not be aware, I work in public accounting.
There's a thing about working in accounting.
I work a lot.
Like, A LOT.
A lot a lot.
No, no.
Like I really work A LOT.
When I'm not working, my number one priority is my bed.
Or maybe my son.
It's really a toss-up.
But I really like to sleep.

Anyhow.

What was I saying up there?

Oh yeah, work.

Work is a bummer.

I was given the opportunity to check out San Pedro Square Market, and I have to be honest with you: I normally choose bed, and the chances of picking a few hours of sleep are significantly increased in the January - April months.

But you know what? It just so happens that I had recently flaked out on a couple of different friend gatherings at San Pedro; enough that I had the distinct impression that this is where The Kids These Days are hanging out, and also enough that I was starting to feel both profoundly old and profoundly lame. San Pedro is an open, square-type market (bet you wouldn't have guessed that from the name, huh?) in downtown San Jose.

So I gathered a posse, as one does.

I happen to have a particularly attractive posse that I like to gather. We are mostly accountants. Accountants and a nurse.

One of these things is not like the others.

And we did our hair Toddlers 'n Tiaras style, because once you turn 30, it's best to dress like a five-year-old when you go out.

Gettin glitzed.

Once we were all proper fancy we went to San Pedro, which really is not somewhere one needs to be fancy. Which is not to say that we were overdressed, just that it caters to an array of dress codes.

The website for San Pedro indicates that they have daytime activities and shops, but all I'm going to speak to is the alcohol bar and the taco bar. Because that's where I focused my time. Because I am a classy lady.

The square is nice and open, with a variety of shops and restaurants and such, and there are tables and an outdoor seating area for socializing. The taco bar had delicious quesadillas, which we charmed the nice young man into making even though he was closing down. The drinks were good and served by appropriately attentive bartenders. I had enough of them (the drinks, not the bartenders) that when I was specifically instructed to 'stop being awkward', I took this photo:

This means I win, right?

It was nice hanging out in downtown San Jose, which is easy to get to and close to where we all work, and therefore easy to get to after work. I went there with a mix of coworkers and not, and it was a nice open social setting ideal for talking about things besides the office, and taking awkward pictures, and getting something to eat when we were ready.

I had a lot of fun, and I would happily go there again, even as an accountant in busy season.

Photo. Bombed.

--
I was given $50 to spend at San Pedro Square Market. I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls Collective, and the content and opinions expressed here are my own.

Beauty Routine Lacking in Scientific Method

2013-02-05T13:26:00.001-08:00

I spend a lot of money on BEAUTY, which I use as a catch-all for skin care, eye makeup, and other whatever.
I haven't done a good job with my scientific method, so I can't definitively tell you which of these things DEFINITELY WORKS AND IS WORTH IT, but I can tell you that all of these things, in concert, give me nice skin and whatever.
Actually, no.
Some of it definitely works best of all. But some of it I just really THINK works.
I have extremely, obnoxiously sensitive skin, I'm very pale, I tend to break out if I use anything weird, and get dry and flaky if I don't tend to my skin at all, or some unflattering combination of the two. I've reached the fancy age of 30, where I've started to notice my fine lines and under eye circles.

For some things I find spending the extra money worth it, for others I find that I actually PREFER the drugstore brand.

Sephora Precision Pore Cleansing Pad, $5

I find this to be just as effective as those $150 Clarisonic pore cleaner things (which, I have one, and I sort of wish I didn't have one because I find that I use this more, it works just as well, and it costs $5). I find that I prefer the manual process to the equivalent-of-running-an-electric-toothbrush-on-my-face process, and if you hate it, you only spent $5 on it.

Sephora Brush Wand, $12

I bought this for traveling, because I always forget a key brush or get annoyed at myself for wanting to bring all of my eye makeup tools for a single night away from home.
I love it.
It hits all the eye makeup needs I want filled, and I actually PREFER the crease and smudge brushes here to some of my full sized ones. I keep it in my pencil case in my purse. It's only $12. Most of my single brushes cost way more than that.

Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser, $11.49 for the giant size

This is the only face wash I've found, in the whole of my entire life, that doesn't make my face either break out or dry up.

Tarte EmphasEYES Inner Rim Brightener, $19

I bought this because I don't sleep anymore and I'm trying to look like I sleep at least sometimes. I feel like it makes me look less tired. That could be psychological. But I don't THINK so.

Clinique Even Better Eyes Dark Circle Corrector, $39.50

This stuff is expensive, but again, I don't sleep anymore. And this has made my dark circles better.

Smashbox O-GLOW Intuitive Cheek Color, $26

So I don't like blush but this one is easy to apply and doesn't LOOK like blush, if you know what I mean. And it looks good on everyone; I put it on my friends when I do their makeup. I originally got it as a sample and liked it so much I bought the full size, which is saying something because even if I really like something I'll often only buy it once and want to move on and try another thing.

Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey, $15

I have been buying and wearing and buying and wearing this lipstick for the past 15 years. I hate lipstick and I like this. It's sheer, so it's not dark as it appears. It looks universally good on everyone.

Clearsil Ultra Rapid Action Vanishing Treatment Cream, $7.99

I have tried a lot of acne spot treatments for various dollar amounts and this one works as well as any of them and you can buy it at your local drugstore for less than $10.

The Supernatural, $30

This is like a tinted sunscreen mousse and it is my very very most favorite foundation-like product. It's very light coverage but it makes my skin look all smooth and pretty and it has sunscreen built in which is a must for me and I'm on my 4th tube of it which is REALLY saying something, as I already said about the blush. I see that it's out of stock on the Philosophy site. I used to buy it from Sephora but they stopped carrying it. This is making me feel like maybe it's on its way to discontinuation land, which would be CRUSHING to me. The tube tends to last me about a year. I don't wear it every single day, but I probably wear it several days per week.

Don't feel like finding pictures for:

Jojoba Oil (I buy mine from Trader Joe's for like $7ish I think?). I use this for my makeup remover, by putting it on a cotton pad and rubbing down my eyes and face. It feels weird to swab oil all over your face, but I find the dirt and makeup removal to be EXTREMELY satisfying, and (mind, I follow this with washing my face (Cetaphil, above)) it doesn't make me break out. And I am prone to breakouts. I also find that some eye makeup removers irritate my eyes, and this does not. And I just like it.

Coconut Oil (I buy this from Trader Joe's too, but they sell it in the food section). I use this for my eye cream. It feels nice, it smells nice, it works, it's cheap, most eye creams make my skin hurt, especially if they are meant to 'do' something.

I have also had many tried and failed 'I don't think this works that well don't buy it' experimental purchases I've made and samples that I've tried, but I'm bored of this, so I'll save that for another time.

Shorter Super Bowl

2013-02-04T10:29:00.001-08:00

- The 49ers forgot that they had a game so a ragtag band of noble fans stood in as replacements and tried to do their best.

- Their best was not, unfortunately, on par with professional football players.

- While the Niners were losing everything, Beyonce was winning at EVERYTHING.

- Then Ray Lewis killed the lights.

- This time it was rich white folks trapped in the Superdome, so people CARED about that shit.

- During the blackout, someone flew the Niners in and got them onto the field.

- It almost worked.

- Except then it didn't.

- I would TOTALLY go see The Fast & The Furious XIII.

- Gabriel almost started crying when, as I was picking him up after the game, his dad said something about rooting for the Ravens.

- "But dad! You SAID you were rooting for my team!!!"

- PBS has a better social media manager than you.

- Ibid, Oreo.

- Is the crushing sense of defeat worse when you are given some last minute hope to cling to?

- Not worse than being crushingly defeated, no.

Weekend

2013-01-28T11:39:00.001-08:00

Gabriel's birthday was Saturday.
He went to his basketball game in the morning, where his dad met him and took him up until the time of his party in the afternoon.
He had a roller skating party for the second year in a row, which I highly recommend for the following reasons:
- Comparative to other party venues, it's cheap.
- You don't have to clean up before or after.
- There is a built in activity, meaning that you don't have to organize children.
- It is a defined time period.
After that we went clothes shopping, out to dinner, and then home to open his presents from me. Giving Gabriel gifts is deeply pleasing because OH MY GOD MOM THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT I WANTED IT HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT I WANTED THIS I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW OH MY GOD I LOVE IT THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU'RE THE BEST.
It is a very satisfying response to giving gifts.

While I find that birthdays are very hard on children, and they're often impossible brats, Gabriel was in a good mood and nice and not insufferable for the entirety of Saturday.
He made up for this by having a very difficult day yesterday.
"Gabriel had a very difficult day yesterday" is parent code for "My child was a tremendous asshole." I firmly believe that at some point ALL parents WANT to beat their children.
What's separating us from them is that instead of throwing a shoe as hard as I could at my son's head, I locked myself in my room for ten minutes while we all Tried To Calm Down.

I went to the grocery store last night and I left Gabriel with my parents (we were taking a break from each other, after I so nobly resisted flinging a shoe at his head).
Because I was Taking A Break, I sat in my car and fiddled for quite some time both before and after the trip to extend it a bit, and I walked up and down every single aisle of the store, instead of just the aisles where I planned to buy things.
Did you know that the 'hispanic foods' aisle includes an entire refrigerator section full of Tampico? I might have put that in the 'frat party' section of the store, if there was such a thing. It would also include red SOLO cups, condoms, and rohypnol.

2013 Wishes

2013-01-23T09:44:00.001-08:00

I hesitate to call these resolutions, as some of them have nothing to do with me or my behavior, but here are some wishes I have for 2013.

- I hope that 2013 is the year that I actually stop hearing from that-ex-who-gets-creepier-every-time-he-contacts-me-or-leaves-things-for-me-on-my-doorstep. I have reasonable hopes for this one, as he doesn't know where I live anymore, and I think he's finally blocked across all avenues of communication.

- I really really really want the 49ers to win the Super Bowl.

- CPA license? I have one more exam to pass, and assuming I do, I can send all my paperwork into the state in August. Let's assume that I do. That's a hope. I hope that I do. Assume nothing!

- Let's make passing that fourth CPA exam an official wish/resolution.

- Finish knitting the hat I started before busy season started, make a non-hat garment (could be for myself or someone else).

- Go on vacation.

- Live through busy season.

- Return this pair of shoes to Zappos before the 365 day expiration date on my ability to do that.

- Hang the rest of my curtains.

- Put up this extremely pain in the ass and messy looking window film stuff that I bought.

- Finish painting my half-painted bathroom.

- Take some pictures (I'm not going to hem myself in with a QUANTITY GOAL) with my Real Actual Camera.

- Finish the tattoo I started 4 or 5 or god knows how many years ago (I actually have an appointment to do so, making this goal pretty attainable).

- Try to be less standoffish with and mean to boys.

- However, also: Maybe punch the next douchebag I meet right in the crotch.

- Put some pictures on my walls.

- Fix my broken shoe rack.

- This is really turning into more of a house To Do List, isn't it?

- But this feels like stuff that will LIKELY take me all year to get to.

- I still have boxes that I need to unpack, you know.

- Unpack the rest of my boxes!

- Organize Gabriel's room situation (he has a room SITUATION).

- Pay more attention to my cat.

- Get some sleep.

- See my friends.

- This got boring.

- I think I'm going to hit publish now.

2012, or whatever

2013-01-22T17:13:00.003-08:00

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Got a degree in accounting, drove on a field trip, took Gabriel on an airplane (took Gabriel on vacation), stayed with someone I had never met in real life prior to staying with them, started my new job.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My new years resolutions were have more sex and make morally unambiguous choices.
So...yes?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I have two adorable baby nieces born this year, Susannah and June.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?
The United States of America.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Money, time, whomp whomp.

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 22 - Susannah!
October 5 - June!
July 6 - My last day of classes EVER (I hope).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Master's degree 2.0, got the job I wanted, passed 3 of my 4 CPA exams.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Failing 1 of my 4 CPA exams, feeling like a shitty friend, having a lot of bad things happen to my people, discovering panic attacks.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I went off an anxiety cliff in August based on various THINGS.
And I got the flu. The real INFLUENZA flu.
I thought I was going to die.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Vacations.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Gabey! I know he's mine and I'm biased but he really is an excellent child. Even though he's also a brat. We've had a lot of big changes this year and I'm working long hours and he's just been wonderful.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Various people who it turns out are all woman-blamey when it comes to assault.
This douchebag who dicked around one of my friends and then went on a weird anti-me campaign.
A couple guys who were dicks to me.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Living my life or whatever.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
East coast visit! Reading Gabriel chapter books, how much Gabriel loves reading, Hawaii, graduating, paychecks, NIECES.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Some combination of Carly Rae Jepson and Drake.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier, I think. Maybe about the same feelings-wise but on an overall happiness trajectory.
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner? I'm not sure. I think I'm actually the same but I feel a lot better about my body.
c) richer or poorer? Richer, but only in that I have an income.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Reading.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Angsting.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family.
(I originally filled out this survey in an email for my friend Molly. This response was EDITED).

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
I dunno.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Girls, Game of Thrones, and I'm totally late to the party but I just recently discovered and am in love with The League.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I have made some strong FEELINGS RE-ALLIANCES, yes.

24. What was the best book you read?
The sequel to Daughter of Smoke and Bone, the name of which I cannot remember.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Avett Brothers

26. What did you want and get?
A job, a degree.

27. What did you want and not get?
Time.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Hunger Games or The Batman movie, which I'm pretty sure are the only two films I SAW this year.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 30. I worked, it was a Wednesday. My mom made me dinner. Boring, boring.

30. What is one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A housekeeper.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
Professional Hobo

32. What kept you sane?
Wine, coffee.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I dunno. Anderson Cooper?
Random fact: I JUST THIS WEEK discovered that Channing Tatum is a guy? I mean, I hadn't really tried to find out or looked at a picture or anything but my eyes happened to be on the television when someone said his name and it was like...whoa. I have been hearing that name all year and just been operating on the ASSUMPTION that we were all talking about a lady.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The election, particularly watching all election coverage on Fox News. OMG.

35. Who did you miss?
My friends. Gabriel.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I have some pretty epically good new coworkers.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
My friends put up with me, so they must really love me.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
So, I gathered up my savvy
Bought myself a business suit

A Preponderance of Gifts

2013-01-15T13:35:00.001-08:00

So Gabriel's birthday is coming up, and I bought him things.
The following things, specifically, if you are interested, or perhaps searching for what to buy a 7-year-old boy.
If your 7-year-old is like mine.
Which he (or she) might be.

Sleeping Bag

I bought this over the summer because Gabriel doesn't have a sleeping bag and it seems like the sort of thing that Little Boys Need, but I never gave it to him, and then I didn't give it to him for Christmas either, so now I'm giving it to him for his birthday.

Tent!

I have very fond memories of tenting up in the field as a kid. We live near some prime tenting fields. We also don't own a tent. Also, it goes nicely with the sleeping bag.

Basketball

I don't really feel this warrants explanation. I got him the size 5 one cuz that's the size they play with on his basketball team.

The Flight of Dragons

I really, really loved this movie when I was a kid. It is paired in my mind with The Last Unicorn, but the copy at our video rental place was at some point irreparably damaged so I saw this one a lot less and therefore have always coveted it a lot more. This is more of a share-my-childhood-with-my-child gift than anything else. It's about falling into a dragon board game and trying to save the good dragons from the fourth evil dragon brother/emperor/something?? The details are fuzzy.

StarFox 64 3D

Bought this on internet recommendations based on Gabriel's love of Kid Icarus and Lego Star Wars.

No Roses for Harry!

Harry by the Sea

I like to buy Gabriel books, he likes Harry books, I don't mind listening to him read them to me. Boom.

LEGO Space Bug Obliterator

Gabriel has specifically requested Legos for his birthday, and he spent his Christmas money from his great-grandmother on some other parts of this set, and this is his first 'big' Lego set.

I had a lot of fun shopping for Gabriel this year.

I also bought hims some clothes, but he really just needs clothes, so while I'm going to add them to his presents so he can open a great mountain of gifts like the spoiled child that he is, I don't count those as birthday presents so much as things I have to buy my child.

Sick Forever

2013-01-03T09:50:00.002-08:00

I feel like I've been sick forever. I was off work from 12/20 through to yesterday. In my mind this was to be a glorious two weeks of basking, holiday enjoyment, house fixing, fussing around, and so forth. In reality I got slammed with a head cold followed by a stomach bug followed by the return of the cold but more in the chestal region followed by I think maybe I have the flu.

The flu part is the worst part. I don't get sick very often, or stay sick for very long, and I haven't been this sick or sick for this long in years. Yesterday I spent a good portion of my work day trying Very Hard not to fall asleep.

I am fully aware that sick people shouldn't go to work and contaminate others but I had a moment of morning perkiness yesterday that got me into the office and didn't fall apart until I sat down at my desk. And then I was already AT work, which is really 2/3 of the going to work battle, and work is really far away from my home anyways, so at some point you're there and you're going to stay.

Today I'm at work again. I think that I might be slightly better because I feel less fluey but I also think that I might just be better medicated. It's difficult to tell.

Yesterday I bought DayQuil from Target that expired in July 2010. It is baffling to me that accidentally buying medication that expired 2.5 years ago is even an option. The other things I bought at Target include a space heater, two men's sweaters, fuzzy socks, and sweatpants. In case you were wondering what impulse purchases look like to the infirm.

Theories not based on science or research

2013-01-02T16:40:00.003-08:00

While I do still use regular chemically antiperspirant, I try to use the non-harsh-chemicals hippie kind whenever possible (like, if it's cold out, or if I'm just dicking around the house, etc.). I have done absolutely no research on this subject, but be that as it may, I'm pretty sure that putting aluminum that close to my lymph nodes every day isn't going to PREVENT breast cancer.
If you have research that supports my theory, that's cool, and I'm right. If you would like to tell me how Wrong City Wrong I am, I'm just not going to believe you. There's no way that can be good for you. I require no positive research confirmations for this to be true in my mind. Which is why I haven't bothered looking it up ever.
If you are interested in deodorant that isn't antiperspirant but still works to keep you from smelling, I recommend, in order of efficacy and personal preference:
Adama Ancient Clay Deodorant
Lavanila Healthy Deodorant
--
I have an array of THINGS to say about body temperatures.
First, my body temperature is naturally low. Like, in the 97 range. That's where it hangs out. I also know people with naturally high temperatures. So first let us all accept as fact that the human body is not universally 98.6 degrees, and that this is more of a working average.
Based on the working averages of body temperatures, I have observations as well as questions.

Observation the First:
I have a low temperature, and I am always hot. Controlling for other factors such as the actual climate and temperature, I have found, anecdotally, that other people I know who run cool, body temperature-wise, tend to heat up easily. I have also noticed that the people I know who run hot get cold easily. Well. That's interesting. Is there some science for that?

Observation the Second:
I tend to be attracted to people who are like, furnaces, with their overly high body temperatures. I wonder if that's a thing, or if that's just me.

Observation the Third:
Because my normal temperature is low, when I have a fever, it also tends to be fairly low, but still high for ME. I assume that people with higher resting body temperatures tend to run hotter fevers.

Which brings me to Question the First/Fourth:
Is my body worse at killing viruses because it doesn't get as hot as someone else's? Is there an illness correlation?

Wintry Things

2012-12-20T10:35:00.000-08:00

Gabriel's last day of school is today.
I think it's a little bit cruel that he doesn't have a holiday concert of some kind for me to attend. Is first grade not still a grade of felt elf hats and O, Christmas Tree?
I don't go back to work until January 2nd.
I have lots of errands to run. Post offices and wrapping papers and groceries to buy.
Someday I will finish painting my bathroom. I started when I moved in September. It has been taped and primed with the outlet covers removed....since then. It is such a SMALL room. You would think, wouldn't you?
This is Gabriel's first ever Christmas at his dad's. My biggest source of sadface on this one is the fact that I don't get to do Gabriel's stocking. It's my FAVORITE part of kid gifting.
It has been terribly, terribly cold this week. I know that other people who live in other parts of the country or world will roll their eyes at me, but it has been LITERALLY freezing (it was in the high 20s (20s!!!!!) when I woke up before the sun this morning, and I'm sorry, but I live in Coastal California. Our temperature range is 60 - 80, year round. I DID NOT SIGN ON FOR THIS. And. Also. Our homes are not BUILT FOR THIS.
MY WARDROBE is not built for this.
Maybe in Chicago your 6-year-old has a cozy winter coat and you have a powerful furnace system but I live on the Monterey Bay. I have none of those things.
We are simply not prepared.

Travelers Beware!

2012-10-09T13:49:00.001-07:00

So I was looking through some travel guide at my parents' house, for....somewhere in Europe. Paris? Maybe Paris.
Anyways, there is this big section explaining to Poor American Tourists about the Dangers! Of! Travel!
People will try to STEAL YOUR THINGS!
There may be ANTI-AMERICAN SENTIMENT.
Buy a special under-your-clothes wallet because pickpockets!

So.

Here's the thing about that.

I've been lucky enough to travel outside of the country quite a bit, and have been to several large cities outside of the United States, including London, Rome, Madrid, Santiago, Johannesburg, etc., I'm obnoxious, etc., etc.

I have also been to several large cities inside the United States, including New York City, Washington D.C., Philadelphia, San Francisco, Chicago, Los Angeles, name drop some more cities because I am a Very Worldly Person, etc. etc.

Are there pickpockets and scamsters and people who hate you because of broad sweeping stereotypes in other countries?

Oh yes, there certainly are.

But I'm pretty sure there are ALSO people who want to steal my stuff and people who hate me because of the way I look inside of this very country.

I mean, there are places that are less safe than the United States, certainly.
When I was staying in Durbin, South Africa, I flatly wasn't allowed to leave the hotel without hotel security, and I couldn't even leave with security if it was after dark.
Hotel security was a large man with an AK-47.

But I didn't feel any more at risk of being robbed blind in front of il duomo in Florence than I did in front of the Washington Monument in D.C.

And in neither place did I feel like I had to stuff my money down my pants because otherwise I might die.

You can't tell me that downtown Paris is a more dangerous place for a lost-looking caucasian woman than downtown Los Angeles because I don't believe you.

I don't tape my driver's license to my belly as a preventative measure when I'm walking through Queens at night.

I refuse to wear my purse around my neck and under my sweater just because I'm on a subway in London instead of a subway here.

I'm forming a group and it's called Citizens Against Looking Stupid. Or maybe Travelers Against Dressing Like Fools. Or maybe just Hey If You Wouldn't Wear A Fanny Pack Under Your Clothes In Your Home Town Don't Do It Anywhere.

Very Traumatic Toilet Experience

2012-10-08T14:25:00.001-07:00

Last night I had a Very Traumatic Toilet Experience.

Live animals leaping out of the toilet to eat me was, prior to this occasion, on the list of things that I'm afraid of in an, "I will glance in the toilet before I sit" sort of way, but not in a, "When I glance in the toilet there will actually be a living creature there" way.

Those are totally different ways to be afraid of something.

To illustrate:
I keep my shower curtain open because I don't want a serial killer to hide in my shower.
If someone (my mother, for instance) is at my house, and thinks that perhaps I would prefer that my shower curtain be pulled closed because of 'mildew' or whatever, then sometimes my shower curtain is closed when I go to the bathroom.
So I will open it, and hope that there's not a man waiting to stab me on the other side.
But I open it EXPECTING my shower to be empty.
I am LOOKING for a serial killer, but I am EXPECTING to find nothing.
That's how I was with live animals in my toilet.
I was LOOKING for a snake or a monster or WHATEVER, but I was EXPECTING to find nothing.

Imagine my surprise.

In my panic, I flushed it down the toilet, so I don't think it's alive anymore.

And my fear of live animals in my toilet has elevated to the kind where I am ACTIVELY EXPECTING TO FIND AN ANIMAL.

The problem with bad guys

2012-09-28T14:30:00.001-07:00

Two years ago, my friend's daughter was molested.
I was at the birthday party where much of this occurred. I met this man. I met his wife. I met his children. I didn't get any sort of creepy vibe off of him. Not a single internal alarm bell sounded. He was nice and normal and there with his own children who seemed perfectly nice and normal as well.
And he molested a little girl.
Right there.
At the child's birthday party I was attending with my son.
Intellectually I understand that I did nothing wrong in this situation. We were at a little boy's birthday party. I didn't KNOW that those little girls needed to be protected. I didn't know they needed to be rescued.
If I had known, I would have done something.
Of course I would have.
Anyone would have.
Everyone stepped in and did the right thing and this bad person is in jail and this sweet girl is being supported by her friends and family and is growing up to be good and strong and brave.
But I still feel guilty.
For being there and not doing anything.
I was there and I didn't do anything and I can't believe this thing happened to this person I love.
--
In August, a very bad thing happened to my best friend.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Intellectually, I understand that.
Just as I positively understand that SHE didn't do anything wrong.
The person who did something wrong was the man who raped her.
But I was there. I was there and I met that bartender and I told her I thought he was cute and I left her alone with him and nothing about him seemed off and I was never for a second worried about her until it was way to late to be worried.
I sat down in a booth to call a friend and fifteen minutes later she was covered in blood and white as a ghost.
And I know I didn't do anything WRONG.
I know that.
But I was there and I didn't do anything and I can't believe this thing happened to this person I love.
--
Everything you learn about bad guys leaves you with the expectation that you'll be able to tell who they are.
Something about them won't add up.
They'll leave you feeling creepy.
They'll LOOK like bad guys.
They'll ACT like bad guys.
The bad guys don't always look or act like bad guys.
I have been riddled by anxiety.
And mad.
I'm mad at that man and then I'm so ANGRY at our society and I'm mad at the detective who asked me, during my interview, "Does she do this often?"
And I was dumbstruck.
"Do what? Get raped?"
Fuck you, detective guy.
And scared.
I'm really scared.
And then over all of that I feel stupid because I have no business feeling that anxious and mad and scared when I'm sitting here whole and my friends are sitting next to me broken.
But.
Bad things can happen right in front of you and not only did you not do anything to stop it, you didn't KNOW that anything needed to be done.
I didn't know that anything needed to be done and I know that's not my fault and I know I didn't do anything wrong but that is absolutely terrifying.

I'm going to write a blog post about curtains.

2012-09-28T09:32:00.003-07:00

The weird thing about stepping away from your blog is how hard it is to come back.
I want to tell you how infuriating curtains are, but to do that I would have to explain that I moved again, and if I'm telling you about how I moved I should probably tell you why and then I need to provide some job backstory and talking about my job brings me around to my social life and some very bad things have happened to some of my very good friends but none of that is my story to tell so I can't really tell it but it's hard to explain how anxious and on edge and FURIOUS WITH THE WORLD I've been without telling these stories that aren't mine and before I know it I'm shutting my browser down again because no one really wants to hear about curtains.

And this is probably true.

I doubt any of you want to hear about curtains.

Whatever.

The house I'm living in now is my first experience with moving somewhere that has no curtains or mounting hardware or anything whatsoever.

Do you know what I did not know?

Curtains. Are fucking expensive.

In order to get like, regular quality curtains and not super-janky rods/hardware for JUST my bedroom and the living room, that would be like...close to a $1000. That sucks.

I found some curtain rods on sale at Cost Plus, and I bought some cheap Target curtains that I don't really like that much and I spent....$300. On curtains for two rooms. This is such a deeply dissatisfying purchase to make. It's not like a new couch or a TV or something that I'm going to sit around and actively enjoy. I'm not going to gaze fondly at my curtains. I don't even really LIKE my curtains. I just like them more than the extra money I was going to have to spend to buy ones I like.

Why are curtains such a racket?

September, September

2012-09-01T18:01:00.002-07:00

My first week of "real work" was this past one.
I started on the 15th, but then there was lots of training and then an airplane to Sunny Orlando Florida to train some more. I don't particularly like Florida but even so there's something cruel about staying in a sunny resort hotel with an endless river swimming pool and sitting in overchilled conference room for ten hours a day, staring at a computer and pretending to audit a pretend company's financial statements.
I was glad to come home and snuggle the boy.

The boy started first grade this week. He likes his teacher, some of his friends are in his class. My after school care thing is sort of ragtag at the moment. Hopefully not too latchkey-esque, but we single parents do what we've gotta do.

Oh yeah, real work.

By way of quick explanation, because I find some people need it, I'm an accountant, but I do not do taxes. I work in audit, which means that I'm one of the people going through companies' financial statements and books and such and saying, yes, they are making the money they say they are making and they have the assets they say they have and if you would like to invest in them, go ahead and rely on these. I'm way down at the bottom of that pyramid, but that's my general role.

My very first client was one that I got thrown on, as did everyone else on the team. It was supposed to be a quick cleanup job so they could file, and when I was handed my tasks, I stared at my computer and felt like weeping.

"Maybe I'm REALLY BAD AT THIS??"

As it turns out, the whole file was screwy and the things I couldn't find WEREN'T there. While that's bad for getting work done it was enormously good for my mental health. I was having an occupational crisis for like thirty full minutes on Tuesday.

I am hopefully halfway done with my CPA exams. I'm still waiting on scores for the second section I sat for. They should have been out a couple weeks ago. But aren't. I'm just going to assume that means I passed until I hear otherwise.

Next week I turn thirty.
I don't have any plans.
I mean, I'm going out tonight, but I don't have any ON MY BIRTHDAY plans.
I was sick all last week, which made me feel mopey, but now it's the weekend and I can breathe through my nose and I feel much more zen about the whole thing. I assume someone will probably remember to wish me happy birthday and hopefully no one will expect me to move mountains or anything.

Thirty.
Birdie, nerdy, purdy, sturdy, wordy, dirty, flirty.
Well okay then.

Items

2012-08-09T13:54:00.001-07:00

I have a niece!
My first niece ever!
Baby Susannah was born at 2:57am on Sunday, July 22, 2012. 9lbs, 7oz, 20" long, ridiculously perfect.

Susannah, 8 hours old and already looking like a perfect infant baby.

Seriously, look at that baby.
She came into this world all full of chub and adorableness.

The kids are all crazy for her.
Everyone's crazy for her.
She's adorable.

Gabriel is rather fond of her.

I have another niece set to arrive at the end of next month.
I get two nieces!!
My two nieces get to be the same age and have all kinds of good cousin times growing up together!
Eeeee!
--
I disappeared to the East Coast for awhile.
I started with Molly and Lora in Philadelphia.

I found my bar guys!

Super fun night involving ill-advised shots of whiskey, an almost-bar-fight between us and some regulars with a two-foot-long-pair of gardening sheers (defending the honor of Molly's laugh), karaoke, and that time I had the bartender turn on the Giants/Dodgers game. In Philly.

I wandered over to Matt in Hartford.

And you thought *I* had a big head

I ended up at BlogHer in New York City.

Awkward unsolicited lunchtime photography. Julia is thrilled.

Serious picture is serious. Spent all my spending money on costume jewelry and makeup. Because of course I did.

Yeah, I was at BlogHer, albeit quietly.
I've been going to the conference since 2008, and this was the first year that I didn't really know why I was there.
I'm not much of a blogger these days, I don't have much interest in fame-ishness, I see most of my internetty friends at other times throughout the year.
I'm not saying I regret going, cuz I totally don't, and I love hugging people and dressing up and watching 413 hours of Olympic Volleyball in the hotel bar, but I'm not sure it's my favorite way to spend my money anymore.
I guess I'm getting old?
--
I passed the first section of the CPA exam that I took in July! I have three more to go; the next one is next Tuesday. I want to get this DONE, but I am so comically bad at studying.
In fact, guess what I'm not doing right this minute?
Yeah, that's right.
Because the next section is regulation (read: taxes), and the IRS is stupid. You heard it hear first.
--
First day of full time worky worky is next Wednesday.
I'm excited about my life.
Weird as it sounds, I really love accounting.
I do!

Finish grad school, go to Vegas

2012-07-10T15:50:00.002-07:00

Friday was our last day of class.

So I drank beer during lecture, obviously.

I see nothing wrong with this.

Krystal had some too, but it made her sleepy.

Then we went to the airport, where we drank at the bar until it was time to go.
Took a cab to the casino.
Ate (?)
Briya and Julia arrived.
Got to room.
Drank?
Went out Friday.
Getting ready took awhile.
Did we have dinner?

Bugging Jessica while she tries to do her hair.

TIME LAPSE

The view from the club we were at. We're staying somewhere in the pyramid.

I carded anyone and everyone who tried to talk to us.
Oh.
You think my friend is pretty?
Let's see some ID.

I'm a very pretty girl, guys.

We had to take lots of rests and remain constantly intoxicated in order to not die of hangover.
This is at one of our many fried meals.
Seriously butter make everything better.
SCIENCE.

Jessica taking a mid-meal rest.

After we ate I went to the pool with Briya, while the other girls sought out bedrooms.
Then Julia asked us where we were at and I texted her the following:
Just coming back from poop with Briya.
Poll.
Pool.
Not poop or poll.

We went to the pool, and then we took a rest.

Our suite had a jacuzzi tub, which proved excellent for hangover rejuvenation.

The lighting in our room was terrible but I promised we all prettied up quite nicely.

Obligatory photo of assets.

Awkward self portraiture

I don't care if you give me a martini glass, I will drink with a straw.

Sunday poolside, where we spent hours.

Krystal and Jess, looking all good in their bikinis.

Deep fried mac n cheese exists. And it is delicious.

Sunday night, actually Monday morning, probably 4:30 am, post-club, in the casino bathroom, which p.s. has a sharps container? That's weird, right?

Then we almost died of hangover at the airport.

Previous Vegas trips chronicled here and here and here.

What I've been wearing lately. In case you care which surely you....might?

2012-06-26T16:23:00.003-07:00

Lots of this I'm sure you've seen before, because it's mostly not new.
And I post these pics on instagram for the most part, so you might have seen them recently!
But I've been feeling pretty good about my body and been into my closet lately.
Which is good!
I use an iPhone app to diptych my pics.

Target t-shirt (the laughably named 'boyfriend tee" over an Old Navy cami. Seven capris. Not the expensive Sevens, the big box retailer Sevens. I believe I got these ones at Marshall's though.

Dress from Anthropologie. Spendy but I regret it not one bit. Shoes from Old Navy. Bangles from thrift stores whenever I see them. My sister thinks this dress is skanky. FIE ON HER I SAY.

Dress is from Target. Shoes and cardigan are both from Marshall's. Necklace is from my mother's jewelry box.

This is what happens when I'm already halfway dressed and Gabriel asks if I can wear the same shoes as him. Which I can, so there.

This is a Weston Wear dress that my mom bought me for my birthday two (almost three!) years ago. Ruffle shoes from Ross.

Bought this last summer for my brother's various wedding social events. It's very comfortable.

Impulse-bought this right before BlogHer....'09 I believe? Still a favorite.

This is another dress that I bought in the summer of 2009.

A random purple-toned top-half outfit.

Me and my freckle mustache. Dress is thrifted, and I actually put it in the donate pile after I wore it this last time. It's too tight across the chest which makes it hard to zip up. Shoes are from Target, but I stole them from my friend Stella. Years ago. Freckle mustache is my own.

Dress from Anthropologie.

Random photo of my jammies! And a leg bruise! Target shorts, Old Navy shirt(s?). I like to give myself a headache when I lounge.

Wore this to my cousin's wedding on Sunday. Max & Cleo, on sale at a local store.

This dress, which is Free People, I bought in the summer of 2010. I wore the wrong bra for it today, but quickly found that I didn't care enough to change. It's a good lightweight summer dress.

Nephew Beach Day

2012-06-21T16:52:00.000-07:00

New Coat Closet?

2012-06-16T12:06:00.000-07:00

For any of this to make sense, first I need to explain my house a little bit.

First, the second bedroom (Gabriel's room) is a weird addition off the laundry room, which is off of the kitchen.

Second, my house is less than 800 square feet, and it has a hallway. This hallway has four doors. My bedroom, the kitchen, the bathroom, and the living room all open into this hallway. But! The kitchen and the living room also connect directly (without the use of the hallway). So basically I live in a wee little house where a large portion of it is taken up by hallway and doors. So many doors.

If I owned my house I'd knock out the hallway entirely and have a nice big kitchen. I rent, so I decided pretty quickly after I moved in that I'd just be closing off one of these doors and pretending that it was a wall. Either the door from the hall to the kitchen or the door from the living room to the hall is unnecessary. I need one, but not both. And I need wall space.

If you consider the rooms themselves, it makes the most sense to close off the door in the kitchen, as that would allow me to have a table larger than a postage stamp. But because Gabriel's room is off of the kitchen, and because I feel like little kids need direct access to bathrooms and their parents' bedrooms in case of middle-of-the-night emergencies, I felt like this would cut Gabriel off too much from the rest of the house.

Then I got a new couch, and I couldn't keep my old couch and my new couch without closing the living room door, and I'm emotionally attached to my old couch, so that made that decision for me.

So now I have a much more spacious living room, where more than two people can sit. AT THE SAME TIME.

And I just had a weird hallway end that I wasn't using.

The other day my mom was over, and asked my why I didn't turn it into a closet.

Why not indeed?

That's my bathroom door on the left. Immediately to the right is the door to the kitchen, I'm standing in my bedroom doorway.

And I have a coat closet.

Now I just need to find someone to build me a set of shelves, and my life will be complete.

I am stunningly boring

2012-06-03T01:08:00.001-07:00

This is me rambling at 1am in lieu of writing a paper that's due in a matter of hours.

But I do provide some updates and I do miss you, internet.

Sorry I'm not sorry.

No one wants to read it but I'm writing it so there you go

2012-05-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

I had an unpleasant puking experience this weekend.

First, all puking experiences are unpleasant, I realize that.

And any puking experience that in any way involves me is obviously infinitely more unpleasant than any other puking experience. That's not up for debate.

So anyways, this weekend I threw up, which was gross and I hate throwing up, but I felt better afterward, and then about 6 hours later I threw up again, with the same results of blech.

ANYHOW.

In case you are wondering why I'm talking about my puke on the internet (I mean, this isn't even about my CHILD'S puke, what kind of blogger am I??), there is an underlying complaint! About which I would like to complain!

Both instances involved puking up a combination of water and unsweetened dried mangoes. These mangoes are my go-to crazy lady purse snack to keep me from starving and whatnot, and I love them, they are my go-to.

But now...puke.

In fact, all dried fruit is sort of reminding me of pukeyness.

I need a new default purse snack.

That doesn't remind me of vomit.

That won't get all squished and ruined.

Or make me feel fat.

WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOOOO?

This is about my closet

2012-05-10T18:36:00.002-07:00

Hey we haven't talked about my closet for awhile, have we?
Well here's what I wore today:

Nothing new or special, but I did include bonus chicken earrings, cuz hey.
Why not?

These have been sitting on my mom's windowsill for months. I have no idea whose they are or where they came from. I am strangely drawn to them.

On Tuesday I got dressed like this:

The other days this week I either went to school in my yoga pants or didn't go at all.
/shrug.
That cropped trench coat was on sale for less than $20 at Old Navy. It is obnoxiously yellow, but that's never stopped me before.

I got one of those WEAR ME 27 DIFFERENT WAYS convertible dresses.

You can wear it exactly one way with a bra on.
False advertising.
But it's cute and comfortable and I think it might make me look slimmer which is always a selling point. It's a skirt with two long strips of fabric sewn to the front. If you have experience with baby carriers, you totally have this. If not, there might be a learning curve.

I bought this ridiculously short dress from the Target juniors section a few weeks ago.

Then I wore it out, loved it, and have been on a quest to find more of the same. I bought this exact one in a sort of 80s-esque floral, and I also go this one:

It's terrifying to think these are the clothes for our teenaged girls.
The zipper!

These aren't a particularly recent acquisition but I don't think I've showed them off yet:

I got them at Marshall's and they are some of my most versatile work shoes.

I bought some new tube tops from Old Navy because that's a thing I do:

And finally (drum roll please)! I bought, and have worn, in public, a bikini. Like the kind that shows your stomach.
There was a point in my life when I vowed that I'd never wear a bikini again.
I look exactly the same now as I did when I made that vow (actually, I'm probably chubbier now), so I'm not sure what changed.
But meh.
Whatever.
Bikini!
It's from the GAP.

My Official Twitter People Following and Unfollowing Philosophy

2012-04-30T15:01:00.001-07:00

You care.

Don't act like you don't care.

EVERYBODY CARES.

Okay, nobody cares, but I'm going to tell you anyways.

Twitter! I have the 'you have a new follower' notifications turned off, so I don't know or notice when new people follow me.

When new people TALK to me, I notice, and I try to always ALWAYS follow them if they are talking to me and follow me.

I follow new people who DON'T follow me if I know them in real life, if they are news source people, or occasionally otherwise, but very rarely.

I unfollow anyone who pops up into my stream and I think, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" or if they post something really insufferable and I don't know them all that well to begin with or if they only post links to their blogs and never actual content or if they think twitter parties are a normal thing to participate in or if they unfollow me or if they say something that I find super offensive or just makes me think that they're an idiot or if they auto-DM me or if they ask for votes in any sort of internet contest more than once exactly or if they send me skeevy messages and act like they want to see my lady parts or if they bandy about the C U Next Tuesday word in a way that offends me OR (more often than you might think) twitter unfollows people FOR me and I won't realize because it's madness in there and one day I'll see a retweet or other mention of a person and think to myself, "Why didn't I see anything that she (it is usually a she) posted OH LOOK I'M NOT FOLLOWING HER I DIDN'T UNFOLLOW HER," but if that happens I refollow the person and just hope for the best.

In sum, I will follow you if you follow me, interact with me, and aren't a twat.

I'm @grace134.