Miss Wordy Pants

Why Are You Laughing?

2013-05-09T10:33:00.000-07:00

It was something I heard daily as a little girl. "Why are you laughing?"

I was that little girl who was wildly entertained by everything everyone else did, and I definitely didn't hide it well. I laughed at everything. Things that the other kids merely chuckled at had me cracking up. And I was relentlessly made fun of for this.

Now, I know why I was like this. I was home-schooled up until sixth grade, so I didn't have much human interaction during that time. That meant that when I finally did get into school and around other kids, everything they did amazed me.

And since I didn't spend any time around other kids before then, I never learned what was normal behavior and what wasn't. I never learned to "play it cool" like all the other kids did. So I went on being amazed by every joke, every cool stunt on the playground, every sarcastic comment.

But the other kids didn't appreciate my appreciation, so I became embarrassed by my laughing, and did everything I could to try and hide it. I started stifling my laugh. Unfortunately, this often turned out looking like I was stifling a sneeze. Not pretty.

So then I started covering my mouth when I laugh, it was the only way I knew to hide the fact that I was laughing. And this became a very bad habit. For years I would cover my mouth with my hand when I laughed, and sometimes just to cover a smile. It was the only way for me to avoid looking uncool to the other kids, and revealing the fact that I was a total weirdo who laughed at everything. But no matter how hard I tried to hide it, I never did grow out of laughing.

The thing is that now, I've learned to be proud of it. Laughing isn't something to be ashamed of. Laughing shouldn't be stifled. If you ask me, all of those other kids who played it cool all the time should be the ones who are ashamed. They hid their emotions from one another. They tried so hard not to show each other that they were affected by another's actions. They all became drones, acting exactly the same as everyone else. All in the name of being cool.

I see now what it was all for. It was all so that they could withhold validation from others. If someone tells a joke, and instead of laughing you make a mean face and walk away, the joke teller is going to feel terrible. They're going to feel embarrassed. That's what everyone wanted everyone else to feel. And my expression of my entertainment messed that all up for them.

So now, I'm thankful that I remained different. I'm grateful that I was the weird one. And Mom, if you're reading this, thank you for keeping me away from other people during those critical learning years of my life. It allowed me to be who I am without having it altered by stupid and pointless social norms.

And from here on out, I won't be trying to hide my laugh. Laughing is just an expression of happiness and joy. It makes you feel good, and it makes those around you feel good. I feel sorry for those kids who taught themselves not to laugh, and I hope they managed to grow out of that phase of stifling emotions. I can't imagine what an unhappy life one must lead if they refuse to laugh when life calls for it.

Bookish Nightmares

2013-04-24T13:49:00.000-07:00

I recently bought a copy of Bossypants by Tina Fey, after the book had been sitting on my To-Read list since well before its release date. I just have to share with you what I dreamed about that very night...

After a long while of anticipation, I finally sit down to read Bossypants. I lean back in my lounge chair, take a sip from a tall glass of fresh iced tea, and begin to read.

I quickly realize that something about this book is terribly wrong. I'm just not comprehending what's going on. None of it makes any sense. It's as if there's a huge part of the story that I missed.

That's when I double-check the cover. To my horror, a single line of fine print reads: "Third installment in the best-selling trilogy."

I gasp, chocking on a mouthful of iced tea. I manage to spit it out all over the book, and the cover becomes spotted with a yucky brown color.

I jump out of my chair and rush to the nearest book store in search of the first two books. After a long hunt on my own, an employee informs me they are sold out. Great. So I move on to the next book store. And then the next.

Before I know it, I have checked every book store within a 200-mile radius of my home. Not one has the first two books in stock!

It's a tragedy. I can't begin to read the book I just bought before I've read the first two books in the series! What ever will I do?

Believe it or not, this story is entirely true. Please tell me there is someone out there who also loves books a great deal and can relate to this. I can't be the only one who has nightmares about accidentally buying the third part of a trilogy before the first two... can I?

Today, the Coffee Shop Comes to ME!

2013-04-10T12:40:00.000-07:00

This is where I write. Every day. For hours at a time. By myself.

Don't get me wrong, I love to write. That's why I do it so much. But this one spot can get pretty old, you know? I've been looking for ways to switch up my scenery while getting my word count in.

Since I love coffee so much (I pretty much drink it all day, every day), naturally I would default to the coffee shop. After all, it has everything I could possibly want while I'm writing.

Never ending supply of coffee.
Those cool tables that are freakishly tall. You know the ones I'm talking about. When you sit in them, your feet dangle in the air, miles above the ground. It's really quite liberating, if you ask me.
Noise. I enjoy the noise of coffee shops very much. Mellow background music, low chattering of other people. It inspires creativity for some strange reason. I get more done in one hour at a coffee shop than I do in the silence of my home.
Power outlets for my laptop, and free wi-fi.

However, as you can imagine, doing this regularly can get pretty pricey. Coffee shops generally aren't very welcoming if you show up every day, order only one drink, and stay for hours. Trust me.

Today, I figured out a way to make my usual writing spot (see picture above) into a coffee shop. I know what you're thinking and no, it's not black magic. It's THIS:

http://coffitivity.com (Go ahead, click the link. But first, prepare to be amazed!)

I found this completely by accident, and it's awesome. It plays a really cool MP3 that mimics the sounds of a coffee shop. So, with that web site and these supplies:

I've got my own coffee shop at home. And I am a happy girl.

Oops, My Nerd is Showing!

2013-03-21T11:31:00.000-07:00

Extremist statement of the day: Harry Potter is a gateway drug.

Harry Potter is to the nerd world as marijuana is to the drug world (supposedly).
Harry Potter is to the nerd world as fish is to vegetarianism.
Harry Potter is to the nerd world as.... eh you get it by now.

It will change you. One day you'll wake up and you will be the nerdiest nerd there ever was, and you'll wonder how on Earth you ended up there. You might think: "but it's just a book! Everyone has read it at least once. I draw the line here, and won't move on to anything else." Well I'm here to tell you that this is false. I should know, it happened to me. And I want to share my story with you.

It all started when I was just out of high school. I had managed to avoid Harry Potter (for the most part) up until then. I was all into hip hop and dotting my i's with little hearts and saying the word 'like' a lot. I tried my hardest to keep it cool. No nerdness allowed.

But I am a writer. I looooove me a good story. So I got curious about Harry Potter. Ten sentences into it, I was hooked. I loved it. It was exciting. It wasn't like those other books I was reading, which told stories that fit within the world I knew and was used to. No, this was a whole new world. One with witches and goblins and HOUSE ELVES!

And so it began. I loved the Harry Potter world so much, I started searching out similar books. Soon, I found myself lost in books like Name of the Wind (if you haven't read it, DO SO NOW). That was when many of my friends gave up on me and left. I had no idea that it was about to get much, much worse.

Of course, I am a writer. And writers don't just read. We like to make stuff up. We like to create characters and then destroy them. We like to think up people and worlds and scenarios and then play the 'what if' game with them. So naturally, I was a huge fan when I discovered The Sims. I would spend hours playing out different scenarios with those little virtual people. It got much more fun when I learned how to mod the game and install fun downloads and cheats that allowed me to get around many of the restrictions of the game.

When this got a little old, I turned to other games. Thus, I was officially introduced to the gaming world.

And it didn't stop there. Nerdiness continued to seep into my life. It affected the movies and T.V. shows I like to watch, the magazines and blogs I like to read, the clothes I buy, the way I decorate my home, even my eating and drinking habits (butterbeer, anyone?).

Now, my life is completely upside down. I spend much of my time in Darnassus, creating potions and selling them in the Alliance Auction House. I am anxiously awaiting the release of the PS4, and the day when someone creates a way to play Quidditch in real life. I shout Avada Kedavra at spiders, I still get all teary-eyed when I watch the last episode of Firefly, and I REALLY miss Rose Tyler.

I firmly believe that, had it not been for Harry Potter, I would still be ignorant of the nerdy life I live now. I wouldn't be concerned with guilds and golden snitches and time machines and mechanical problems on the Serenity.

Or, maybe I was a nerd all along. Maybe it was just hiding away in the darkest corner of my soul and biding its time until its inevitable release. Maybe it would have relentlessly clawed its way out eventually. Either way, I'm here now.

But don't worry I'm still the same girl I've always been...

Bazinga!

P.S. Anyone up for L.A.R.P. in my backyard this weekend? Anyone?

Versatile Bloggers

2013-03-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

I was nominated for a Versatile Blogger Award! This is another one of those tag-you're-it games where you link to fellow bloggers whose blog you really enjoy. Let me just make it very clear that I LOVE THESE!

So thank you, Kimmy, for nominating me! I feel quite honored that you thought of me when awarding for Versatile Blogger.

In case you're new to this, here are the rules:

If you're named as a Versatile Blogger, thank the person who nominated you.
Link to the person who nominated you.
Select 15 bloggers or blogs that you follow and enjoy reading. Nominate them for Versatile Blogger (you might want to let them know somehow, so they can keep the ball rolling).
Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

I don't think that I even read 15 blogs on a regular basis, but there are some that I subscribe to and always love reading.

Kimmy at Inside Kimmy's Mind. Yes, I'm probably cheating by nominating the person who nominated me, but I don't care. She's one of my favorite bloggers. She deserves it.
Sarah at SillyGrrl. She's a web designer. She has saved me several times with her blogging advice, and it's always really fun to read about her adventures in aerial acrobatics.
Kristie at Kristie Was Here. I love reading her posts because she's always so honest. She is incredibly inspiring.
Jenna at Recently Roached. She's hilarious!

Wow, that's only four. I really need to start expanding my horizons...

So I'm really not sure how much Kimmy knows about me already, but I'm really not that interesting. I don't think I could tell a complete stranger 7 things they don't know about me. But I'll give it a shot, anyway.

I am a huge fan of coffee. It's pretty much the best thing in the world, in my opinion.
I like all kinds of music. Seriously, I can jump from 50 Cent to Ellie Goulding to the Silversun Pickups to Irish folk music. I do not discriminate.
I am quite the closet-feminist. You usually won't know it until someone says something stupid like "girls belong in the kitchen" and I'll flex my muscles and bite their head off.
I am also a closet-gamer. I just got into World of Warcraft, and now I am quickly losing my grip on reality. (More on this in a future post, I think...)
I put sour cream on everything. If I happen to be eating something that I can't put sour cream on, I will dip it in sour cream. All of the extra fat I have on me can be attributed to this, but I just can't bring myself to care.
I love my dogs. They keep my up off my butt for significant amounts of time.
I hate matching socks more than any other chore there is.

There. Seven things Kimmy probably doesn't know about me. That's seven things the rest of you probably didn't know, either. Feel free to participate on your own blog, even if I didn't link to you above. You can leave a link to your post in the comments below! And if you want to know more about Versatile Blogger Awards, read about it <HERE>. Have fun!

Oh, Please Excuse the Mess...

2013-02-25T11:56:00.001-08:00

I know it's a disaster up in here.

I neglect this blog like it's no body's business. Well, apparently it really is no body's business lately. My business should be all up in this shizz like it's the thing to do this season. Because it is the thing to do, you know? But I'm not doing it.

What I'm trying to say is, I know I'm not keeping up with this blog like I should. Believe me, I slap myself on the wrist every day because of it. It keeps me up at night. Sometimes I dream about my poor blog drowning in an ocean of disconnected and scattered words. Words that should be organized content on my blog.

Trust me, I'm working on it. I'm working very hard. So hard, that I'm even taking an online course in HTML so I can redesign this blog myself. So far, I haven't been happy with any of the pre-made layouts I've chosen because they all feel so generic. I want to be able to customize everything. I want this blog to be 100% mine. So keep an eye out for new a new layout and design in the near future!

And I sincerely thank those of you who are still reading, regardless of my sporadic attendance here. Those of you who subscribe still are troopers and I appreciate you! I promise, things will get better. Soon. Expect a steep incline in the quality of this blog, guys!

Alternative Attitude...

2013-01-28T11:27:00.001-08:00

After giving it much thought, I decided not to make any "resolutions" or "goals" this year. After my complete failure to keep the ones I made last year (not that I even remember them), I've decided to take a different approach this year.

I'm abandoning all expectations. I'm choosing to live this year free.

Free of the pressure to get up every morning and work out so I can acheive that fitness goal I set for myself. I'm just fine the way I am.

Free of the never ending reading list I assign myself. I find that when I really want to read something, it gets added to the bottom of a list of 20 books (or more!). I will read what I want, when I feel like it. I'll enjoy it a lot more because it's no longer an ongoing chore.

Free of the stress of completing a task just because I promised myself I would. I will not force change on myself because it's trendy to commit to change of some kind at the begining of every year.

I change every day. Things are happening all the time that make me think, teach me something new, and alter my opinions. Those little changes are the ones that I will embrace this year.

Because it's not always about the big picture. When I look back on my life later, it won't be the years that I remember. It will be specific moments and events that I experienced. I don't want to overlook those because I'm too focused on what I'm 'supposed' to be doing.

I know it's already almost February, but I wish you a happy 2013. I hope you sqeeze as much out of it as you possibly can!

Coming Back to Life

2012-12-03T19:06:00.000-08:00

I stopped.

I stopped it all. I didn't go cold turkey, it was a slow and steady process. In fact, it was so slow that I didn't really notice it at first.

Until one day I looked around and my world was quiet.
My iPod playlists were long outdated.

My notebooks had a shameful layer of dust on them, and my favorite ballpoint pen was crusted over with dried ink.

I had done the exact same thing every day for days. No, weeks. Maybe months.

Probably months.

I went idle. All of the things that bring me joy, the things that make me happy all fell by the wayside.I fell into a rut, just doing what was necessary to get by.

I needed reminding.

Reminding that life is too short to let things go. It's too short not to fill every day with the things that truly matter. It's too short not to follow your heart.

So now I'm slowing down and remembering the things that truly matter. I'm letting my heart take the lead again, and I will follow it wherever it takes me.

I am freeing my inner self, my spirit. I am putting my life in her hands, and I will see what she chooses to do with it. And one day, hopefully, I will learn to become one with her.

Until then I will remember not to let my fear guide me.

I think that's why I stopped. I let insecurities and other negativity influence the path I was taking. I started choosing the safer routes over the ones I knew were truly right.

I am thankful that I recognized it. It turns out, my inner self is pretty loud, and refuses to be ignored without a fair fight.

So I am picking my pen back up, and dusting off those old notebooks. I'm turning the music back on and I'm going to dance. Hell, I'll take my iPod and my writing utensils out into the street and dance there if that's what I feel like doing.

No more idle Kristen. Just thought y'all should know.

Why I Don't Watch Television

2012-08-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

I always get a funny look from people when I tell them I don't watch TV. They pause, as if they are trying to figure out if they heard me correctly. They raise an eyebrow. Sometimes they ask me to repeat myself, just to be sure they didn't misunderstand...

I understand why people react this way (sort of). In today's world, it's not often that you meet someone who doesn't watch TV, so it tends to be a common topic of discussion. But I don't watch TV. And no, it's not because I can't afford to pay for a decent lineup of channels, like most people tend to assume. It's not because I don't have the time. I'm just completely uninterested in watching (most) TV. I think it's time I finally explain my reasoning in detail.

Basically, TV has gone to shit.

My free time is precious to me, and I prefer to spend it either learning something or being thoroughly entertained. In order for a show to fit that criteria it has to: a) be a documentary, b) have a clever plot, or c)be a witty comedy (like The Office). Sorry, but most of what I see on TV is just not worth my time.

My Mom is really into "Reality TV" like Teen Mom and The Kardashians. I think it just baffles her that I don't like to watch these shows, but really, what is so great about them? Teen Mom is about a bunch of spoiled little girls who have babies, argue with their boyfriends, and pawn the kid off on their parents so they can go party. The Kardashians is about a bunch of brainless women who are only famous because they are pretty and like to exploit their asses. Why in the hell would I want to watch that?

And then there are the gazillions of "American Idol" knock-offs who feature people who used to be famous as judges. You spend all season watching the show, and then what? The winner gets a record deal and becomes a one-hit wonder. Big freaking whoop!

The problem is that I don't take anything away from watching these shows. I don't learn anything. I don't even identify with the lead character. Hell, there isn't even a plot to keep me guessing what will happen next! It's mind-numbing, if you ask me.

But don't get me wrong here, I do watch some TV. I follow The Office because its witty humor cracks me up and lifts my spirits. I like the CW's Revenge because it has a killer plot that always keeps me on the edge of my seat, wondering what's going to happen next. I like Fox's New Girl because I can identify with the lead character in a lot of ways, and the show is very unique compared to anything else that's on TV. I'm also really in to a few British Comedies like Black Books and the IT Crowd (Sadly, I don't think they are on air anymore).

Basically, I want to watch something that's smart. I'm not interested in watching really stupid people parade around and act stupid. I'm not interested in watching out-of-touch celebrities fret over why their best friend threw a pool party on the same day as them.

If that's what you find interesting, then go right ahead and watch it. Just don't be offended when I walk away from you if you start chatting to me about Bad Girl's Club or Jersey Shore. Because that's probably what I'll do.

What Happens To A Writer When It All Goes Wrong

2012-07-05T15:59:00.000-07:00

I have been absent from the blogging world (and many other worlds, now that I think about it) for more than three weeks now. Okay, so I haven't been totally absent; I've been sitting in the very back of the room and listening in on your conversations like a total creeper.

No comments. No new content to offer up.

Someone finally notices me sitting in the back, looking like I haven't showered or slept in days.

Don't mind me, I tell them. No, really. I have nothing to say. I just want to sit all alone back here. But please, don't let my presence interrupt your conversations. You're providing a wonderful distraction!

Group continues to talk, now in hushed tones. They shoot me dirty looks. I stare on, ignorant of their discomfort.

Someone tells a rather compelling story about something their kid did recently. Burped and farted at the same time, or something to that effect.

I laugh. The loud, hysterical laugh of a crazy person. The whole room goes quiet, everyone stares at me. I smile back, rocking slightly in my chair.

Someone asks me what my problem is. A few people get up and leave, others move to a table further away.

I'm so glad you asked! I howl out a high pitched explanation. You see, I did Camp NaNoWriMo last month. I tried to write 50,000 words in 30 days. The problem is, I tried to write 50,000 good words in 30 days. I tried to rush through my very first novel for the sake of....

I trail off, the rest of my sentence just a jumble of random words mumbled incoherently. A few people give me sympathetic looks. A few more get up and leave.

I reach into my pockets and start pulling out papers. They are crumpled, ripped, stained by spilled coffee and rum. I pull out more papers, scattering them on the floor around me. I pull out even more papers. My pockets are bottomless.

I get off my chair and sit on the floor, swimming in the loose pages that might have been my novel. I reach into my pocket again, this time pulling out a tin flask. I take a long, painful drink.

I go on rambling.

She is such a twat, I just can't stand her.

Who? Someone asks out of sheer pity.

My main character! I scream. I begin to sob. Another drink from the flask. My tears fall and disappear into the pages scattered around me.

...So shallow, stupid little girl with no thoughts, no opinions or convictions. She's dreadful! IT'S ALL JUST BYPRODUCTS AND FILLERS...

I get up off the floor and leave, more papers spilling out of my pockets on my way out the door. My sobs and screams can still be heard as I walk down the hall and out of the building.

Someone calls the police.

*DISCLAIMER: This is not, or did not actually happen. This is a completely fictional scene, created in an effort to communicate my thoughts and feelings about my failing novel. Friends and family, no AA pamphlets, please!

Falling Behind

2012-06-06T14:42:00.000-07:00

Writing my novel for Camp NaNoWriMo has meant a great deal to me this month. I did a huge amount of preparation beforehand: creating a detailed plot outline, compiling a "noveling playlist" on Spotify to help get myself in the appropriate mood for writing this particular novel, and I made an excel spreadsheet showing what my daily and total word counts should be on any given day.

(In case you missed it, read the original post about Camp NaNoWriMo HERE)

A screen shot of my excel spreadsheet labeled "Word Count Tracker"

Notice the big fat "0" in the "Actual Word Count" column on day 5? That's right, I took the day off. I had planned to take one single day off, and increase the required daily word count for the next two days in order to catch up.

But take a look at day 4's actual word count, and compare it to the word count that was required for that day. That's right, I fell short. By more than 600 words.

So now, in order to get myself back on track, I need to tack an extra 1,000 (ish) words onto the agenda for the next couple of days, in addition to the 1,667 I already had to do. It's totally doable. And it's not like I don't have the time for it. But I'm freaking out over this little set-back. WHY??

Falling behind freaks me out. I know it's not that big a deal. I know I can make it up easily. It's not even the extra work I have to do. It's just simply the fact that I'm behind.

And instead of getting on the ball and working toward getting caught up, I avoid the problem. I stuff my face with Ben&Jerry's and "catch up" on TV shows I'm not even interested in. If I manage to avoid the problem for one full day, then I fall even further behind. Then I get even more freaked out, and it turns into a vicious cycle, usually ending in my feeling so overwhelmed that I give up.

But I'm not doing that this time. I was the one who set these goals for myself. I set them because writing those 50,000 words in 30 days meant a lot to me, and I was determined to make it happen. I can afford to take one day off and make it up in the next two days. I am NOT letting this very bad habit get in my way of accomplishing this goal. I will sit down today, and I will write 2,000 words. And I will do the same tomorrow. And then I'll be caught up. It won't be nearly as bad as it seems.

I had to call myself out on this, here. For the sake of my story, the characters in it, and my goals.

Testing: Tattoo

2012-05-31T16:23:00.000-07:00

I have one tattoo. It's on my left shoulder. When I got that one, everyone warned me that once I got the first one, I would get more. Apparently, that's what usually happens, you catch the "tattoo bug".

Even though I knew right away that I would want another tattoo, I've waited three years to get another one so far. Luckily, a tattoo is something I need to be absolutely sure of before I get it done! Throughout these three years, I've had many ideas for my next one. Some of them were kinda cool, but most of them were really stupid. None of them stuck for very long, except for this one:

Disclaimer: this is drawn in pen!

Recognize it? It's the Deathly Hallows symbol from Harry Potter. Now, before you angrily skip straight to the comments to yell at me, (or worse, close the page!), let me explain.

(In case you didn't know this) I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan! I've known for a very long time that I wanted to get a tattoo that relates to Harry Potter in some way, I just couldn't figure out what; until the Deathly Hallows symbol showed up. I like the myth behind the story very much (in case you don't know the story, read about it here), and the symbol just looks so cool! Also, I'm putting it on the inside of my left wrist, and it's small enough that it can easily be covered by my watch or just about any bracelet.

I've drawn the symbol in pen (what you see in the picture above), in exactly the size and location I want it. The idea was, if I get tired of seeing it there, I can simply wash it off and be done with it. But, surprise surprise, I'm not the least bit tired of it! I like it even more now that it's been on my wrist for a while!

Though it will probably be a while before I actually have it done, the matter is pretty much settled. Do you have a similar tattoo? Any advice on getting tattoos like this one? I'd love to hear it before I schedule my appointment!

Summer Camp for Writerly Types

2012-05-29T13:01:00.001-07:00

I'm attending Camp NaNoWriMo next month!

Okay, it's a virtual camp, but I'll still pitch a tent in the backyard and roast marshmallows on the barbeque grill. Probably.

I'll be assigned to a "cabin" with three other people who like to write. And, with each other's encouragement and support, we'll all write a novel!

That's right. The goal of this program is to write 50,000 words in 30 days, and assemble all those words so they resemble a novel.

Think I can do it? Well, whatever, I've already signed up, and outlined the novel I'm going to write. It might come out looking like complete and utter crap (the novel, I mean), but at least I can say I did it. Right?

Here's a link to my camper profile. From there, you can check out the book I've planned (don't judge, the details will get better as I write!).

You can also click the "sponsor me" stamp on the right side of my camper profile to donate to The Office of Letters and Light (the nonprofit that hosts Camp NaNoWriMo). All donations go toward funding programs like this one, which encourage people of all ages (in 45 countries) to write. Isn't that worth a few of your dollars?

If you'd like to join me at Camp NaNoWriMo, head over to campnanowrimo.org and sign up. It's completely free, and you'll get 50,000 written words out of it!

Seeing Red

2012-05-22T19:01:00.000-07:00

I've dyed my hair quite a few times in the last few years. It went from my natural mousey-brown color, to medium brown, to dark brown (almost black), then back to my natural color, then to blonde, then to the light golden brown you see here. It's been just about every color but red, until now!

After a very long time of considering and working up the nerve, I've dyed my hair red!

The stylist warned that the color would fade a lot in little time, due to the fact that my hair's been bleached in the recent past. A second application should get the color to stay. (I've officially learned my lesson about highlights!)

I don't think I'll be changing the color again for a very long time.

Campfire, Clear Waters, and a Tan Made of Dirt

2012-05-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

Last week, I spent five days with dirt under my finger nails.

I spent nights in a tent, the sound of water rushing through the nearby creek singing me to sleep.

I shared my sleeping bag with my dog, and we stayed warm.

I went kayaking on a lake so clear, I could peer right through its window-like surface and see the fish swimming around underneath.

I saw an Osprey catch a fish just feet in front of me, and I got it on video.

I thought I had gotten a really nice tan, but it turned out to be mostly dirt.

I forgot to bring pen and paper. Instead, I occupied myself with a really great book.

My hair smelled of campfire.

I got to breathe fresh mountain air.

I fed chipmunks. Then they took advantage of my generosity the next time I wasn't looking. Roxy made a game of chasing them out of camp.

I went for long walks through the forest, where all was quiet except the sound of my footsteps.

I didn't worry about a darned thing the whole time.

It was amazing.

Friendly Visitors and Disabled Comments

2012-05-12T07:48:00.000-07:00

I just hate it when I happen to stumble on a great blog, written by someone who seems totally cool, and they don't seem interested in interacting with readers.

I recently found a blog written by a girl of about my age. I loved her most recent post, so I invested some time reading older posts to get a sense of who this person was and what the blog was about. She reminded me very much of myself. Her blog was so upbeat and fun, and she had such interesting things to say! I wanted to read more from her!

What? No follow button? Hmm...

Then I ran across a post she had recently written about her hair. She dyed it red, something I've been dying to do for ages. It was the perfect shade of red. Not too bright, not at all tacky. It was exactly what I've been looking to do with my own hair! I just had to ask her about it!

What? Comments disabled? What the heck?

Okay, I guess she just wasn't interested in contact with her readers. To be honest, these things were enough to make me feel unwelcome on her blog. I felt as though I wasn't meant to be reading her posts, like I had accidentally barged into something she didn't mean to be sharing.

This clearly wasn't the case, though, as she had put out advertisements for her blog (which is how I found it in the first place). She also had sponsors and a page views tracker on display. This tells me that she welcomes readers, she just doesn't want to hear from them.

This got me thinking about different motives for blogging. I don't know what was driving this girl to blog, but I suddenly remembered what is driving me. The reason I blog is to contact others. It's my way of broadcasting who I am, in hopes that my blog attracts other like minded people.

I want readers here to feel welcome. I strongly encourage comments, questions, suggestions, links to other blogs I can check out. I sincerely hope that my blog never makes a single visitor feel unwelcome.

Things That Don't Matter

2012-04-30T19:03:00.001-07:00

Do you ever stop to think before you react to something in a negative way?

Do you ever ask yourself, Does this really, truly matter? If so, why?

If not, you should.

Some people seem to worry too much about things that don't matter. I'd like to use Debbie* as an example.

Debbie planned a picnic for today because the weather forecast she saw on the news yesterday predicted abundant sun. However, to Debbie's dismay, she woke up this morning to heavy rain. Debbie curses the rain and the weatherman who failed to predict it. She spends the day in a bitter mood because her plans were ruined. What Debbie could have done instead was made the best of the rain. She could have had a night in with her friends, watching movies and having drinks. Or, she could have had a cup of hot chocolate while reading a good book. But instead of choosing to see this unpredicted occurrence as an opportunity, she chose to see it as a misfortune. Debbie wasted a beautiful day.

Here is another example.

Debbie has a friend named Rhonda*. The two have been friends for a very long time. Rhonda hits a rough patch in her life and questions her choices thus far. She does a few things that are out of character for her, like switching careers and taking up a new hobby. Whatever it is, Rhonda feels she has lost herself and is attempting to rediscover who she really is. This is a time when she really needs her friend Debbie to support her. But instead, Debbie is judging her. Debbie doesn't agree with the things Rhonda is doing. She thinks Rhonda's new job doesn't fit, her new hobby is (insert negative thought). Debbie can't support Rhonda because she disagrees with the new changes Rhonda is making, even though they don't directly affect her at all. Debbie talks a lot of crap about Rhonda behind Rhonda's back.

I used to be really close with someone like Debbie. She treated me just like Debbie treated Rhonda in example two. I couldn't truly be myself around her, because any little thing I did was a big deal to her. She judged me for small things that didn't affect her at all. She would actually get angry with me over how I was living my life, just because it wasn't how she would do it. I honestly don't know why I put up with it for so long, I guess I just thought that it was my duty as her friend to put up with her negative personality, and to try to convince her to be more positive. A while back, she said some pretty mean things about someone who did something she disagreed with. She wanted me to join her in a slander fest, but I refused. The person in question was also a friend of mine, and nothing she did personally affected either of us in any way. It didn't matter at all. When Debbie accused me of being a bad friend for not going along with her, I decided I'd had enough.

The moral of the story? Don't be like Debbie. Don't keep friends who are like Debbie. People like Debbie will most likely end up with a life only half-full of things that don't matter. Life is way too short to worry about anything that doesn't matter. Surround yourself with people who love, support, and respect you for who you are, and do the same back to them.

Love, respect, acceptance, tolerance, support. These things matter.

*I did not use real names. These people are entirely fictional, created only to give you a clear example.

Book Review: Socialpunk by Monica Leonelle

2012-04-15T16:36:00.000-07:00

I was contacted recently by Monica Leonelle, author of the Social Punk trilogy. For the release of the first book, she was doing a "blog tour" in order to get the word out about the book. I thought this was an awesome idea, so I happily agreed. I was given a free copy of the book in exchange for promising to write and post an honest review. So here is that honest review.

*DISCLAIMER: I am in no way being paid for this. The incentive for writing this review is: a free copy of this book, and an entry in a prize giveaway (which you will have a chance to enter, too!). Also, I really just love to read books, and have been meaning to post a few book reviews, anyway.

Initially, I didn't think I would take a significant interest in this book. It's kind of a sci-fi meets fantasy for young adults, and I usually don't take well to those kinds of stories. However, this book was surprising easy for me to get really into right from the beginning. Here's the official description:

Ima would give anything to escape The Dome and learn what’s beyond its barriers, but the Chicago government has kept all its citizens on lockdown ever since the Scorched Years left most of the world a desert wasteland. When a mysterious group of hooded figures enters the city unexpectedly, Ima uncovers a plot to destroy The Dome and is given the choice between escaping to a new, dangerous city or staying behind and fighting a battle she can never win.

I immediately identified with the main character, Ima. She's a shy, inward girl who is dealing with a really messed up home life. She's a very likeable character, Monica does a great job of bringing Ima's hopes and fears to life on the page. It's the same for the other characters, as well. Each character is entirely unique, and their personalities and backgrounds (to a reasonable extent) are made known. I like that I can understand why each character does what they do based on what I know about them. They make sense to me. Therefore, the characters are very easy to get attached to.

The story from there on (without including any spoilers) is about Ima being ripped away from everything she knows and thrown into a strange world she doesn't understand. It follows her through her struggles with herself, her fears, and her morals. She also deals with learning that she may not be exactly who she thought she was, and her going through significant changes as she finds out her true identity. I love the character transformation throughout this story.

The story is fast-paced and incredibly exciting. The worlds that Monica created for this story, and the way that they intertwine with each other, are mind-boggling. This book reminds me a bit of a more modern-day 1984 by George Orwell. It deals with plots by the "higher-ups" in government to control people on a massive scale. While some of the things that happen in this book are outrageous, they are still credible in the sense that this is how things could be. It's scary, because you feel like you are in this world, experiencing the corruption, and you want to join the characters in their fight to change it. And I couldn't help but make connections between what happens in the world today, and what's happening in this book. It's kind of like we went down a slippery slope of corruption and greed as a society, and ended up in this book; the worst of all possible outcomes.

I have very few complaints about this book. One being that the names of the characters are too similar. While I recognize that there is a deeper meaning to the similarity in Cinder's and Ember's names, it's sometimes quite difficult to keep track of who is who. The same thing goes with Nasser and Nahum. These two characters were introduced at roughly the same time in the book, and it was hard (at first) not to mix them up. This was a bit confusing. My second (and last) complaint is that the book contains quite a few minor typos. I know this has nothing to do with the story, and most people wouldn't even notice, but as a self-proclaimed "Miss Wordy Pants," things like this really bother me. But I digress. There's no doubt I'll be one of the first in line to purchase the second and third installments. I just can't wait to find out what will happen next!

Get Social Punk for Kindle: http://monicaleonelle.com/SocialpunkA
Get Social Punk for Nook: http://monicaleonelle.com/SocialpunkB

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No, I Don't Want to Go Get My Nails Done!

2012-04-10T13:12:00.001-07:00

I really don't like getting my nails done. I think it's stupid to shell out money for someone else to do something you can just do yourself at home. I don't care if you think I'm rude, stupid, non-girlie, negative, or whatever else you think of me.

I. Don't. CARE.

To help you understand me a little bit better, though, I've put together a specific list of reasons why I hate getting my nails done.

This is probably what I look like while I'm getting my nails done

I don't like strangers touching me. To me, this seems incredibly simple. What don't you understand about this? It's creepy to have complete strangers messing with my hands. It makes me very uncomfortable.
I can't get a damn word in. It's the same thing with professional hairstylists. They just don't listen. They do what they want, regardless of what you asked for. In the end, you will very likely end up with no hair, or nails that are so short they are almost nonexistent. And you still have to pay full price for that BS.
Those tools are sharp. And they don't know how to use them safely. I'm sorry but I just don't think you should have to bleed just to get a pretty design painted on you nails.
I just KNOW they're talking crap! Every nail salon I've ever been to is run by ladies who speak other languages, and they use it to their advantage. They laugh and talk to each other in whatever language it happens to be while they're working, and I'm convinced it's because they're making fun of their customers. Even if they're not, it makes me feel left out and self-conscious. I eventually end up tuning them out and watching the stupid soap opera they're showing on the TV behind the desk. And that's just freaking boring.
Cool, my nails look nice. Now what? For a few hours after getting my nails done, I walk around holding my hands in the air like someone's pointing a gun at me. It's a completely involuntary reaction, I just don't want to mess them up. I just dropped $20 bucks on this shiny paint job, and I don't want it all chipped up, so I'm very careful not to touch anything. That never lasts long, though...
It's ruined within one day. I have a life, people. My pretty polish gets all messed up during activities like washing dishes, opening soda cans, gardening, washing my hair, using paper clips, untying a knot in my shoelaces, holding my dog's leash, and about a million other "normal" things. My nail polish NEVER stays nice for more than 3 hours, so why the heck should I waste the money?

Now don't get me wrong, I love painting my nails. I just do them myself at home, for free. I can patch up a chip in under 30 seconds. I can change the color every day if I want. And I won't have to waste my money. So just don't ask me to go get my nails done! Besides, it would be much more fun to stay in, order a pizza, rent a movie, and do our nails ourselves!

Photo source: Kevin Jarrett, CC BY 2.0, via Flickr

Lessons Learned

2012-03-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

You know that old saying, 'you learn something new every day'? I'm a firm believer. At the end of each day, I try to take some time out to reflect on things I've learned that day. There are some lessons I've learned recently that I'd like to share with you.

You should never fold a yoga mat. EVER.
Negativity is a choice. I can simply refuse it, and turn to positivity instead.
They always say that you choose who your friends are, but no one ever said you can choose your family. But I believe you can. The family that you build for yourself doesn't necessarily have to be your blood relatives. It should consist of the people who truly love and care about you, and will be there for you no matter what, whoever they may be. I've learned recently who those people are.
My dog is an excellent judge of character. She knows instantly whether or not she likes someone. I'm learning that she is always right, and I should start listening to her.
I'm young. I have time. It's okay that I don't have it all figured out.

Some of these are some pretty big lessons. I've been busy lately, making some BIG changes and figuring out which stepping stone might get me further across the pond of life.

Have you learned any lessons lately?

Tripping Over Boxes... Again

2012-03-28T20:23:00.000-07:00

The decor in my home has changed. It's transitioned from a clutter of books, plants, and candles to empty shelves and full boxes. It's moving time again.

I will miss:

The large yard. It's nice to just go right outside to play fetch with Roxy, instead of going all the way to the dog park.
The large patio space in the back yard... although I hardly ever got to use it, either because of the stupid landlords needing me to stay out of their way, or the winter weather.
The spare bedroom that I use as my office.
The tree outside my "office" window.
The garden in the backyard. This passed fall, I successfully grew carrots and sugar snap peas.
The fenced front yard.

I will NOT miss:

The stupid landlords. Out of the ten months I've lived here, they were here every day for seven of them. So I've only had the last three months to live my life, uninterrupted. Assholes.
The drawers in the kitchen. They don't have tracks on them. Or handles. So I have to pull them by the corners, leaning backward so I can use my body weight to force them open. I often break my finger nails, and scrape the tips of my fingers. Also, since the wood in the drawers is scraping against the wood in the slots, my dishes are always covered in wood shavings.
The lack of central heating and air. This house is an oven in the summer, and a freezer in the winter.

I have very high hopes for the future and everything it will bring. I am excited to embrace new opportunities that may come my way. I am very thankful for the people who are currently in my life. Without them, things wouldn't be looking so good right now.

What the Heck Was That You Did With Your Face, Just Now?

2012-03-23T15:02:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, catching someone smiling in public is a rarity anymore. When I go out, whether it be shopping or just going for a walk, I tend to smile at the people I see. I do this because I'm just happy as hell to be out of my house. Also because I think it's just friendly. Apparently, my behavior is abnormal. I've come to this conclusion based on the responses I get from people. Typically, one of three things happens:

They take one look at my cheerful, smiling face, and immediately avert their eyes. They look at the ground, their watch, their fingernails, even the ceiling. Anything that allows them to avoid eye contact with me while we're in passing. It's as if they've never seen someone smile at them before, and they don't know what it means or how to deal with it. So they just pretend it isn't happening.
Others just stare. These people seem to recognize that I'm making some sort of odd facial expression that's aimed at them, but they don't seem to understand what it is or why I'm doing it. They look at me like I have a third eye in the middle of my forehead. I can just see their thoughts written all over their face: "What the heck was that you did with your face, just now?"
This one I only get from females, so I'll use 'she' instead of 'they' this time. She glances at me, just long enough to recognize that I'm smiling. Then she quickly responds with a contorted sort of closed-mouthed grimace, one that looks more like a muscle spasm than a smile. It's there for half a second then it's gone, if I blink I'd miss it. Most of the time, she doesn't even bother to retain eye contact while making this face. It's just sort of an afterthought, after she's already looked away. This, my friends, is a fake smile.

You all know what a fake smile looks like, right? Surely someone's shot one your way at least once, it seems to be all people really bother with these days. But I just want to stop one of these girls and ask: why bother? If you're not going to smile at someone, why go through the trouble of making that stupid face? I recognize that you're just pretending. And honestly, I am a bit offended that you thought your 'afterthought face spasm' would suffice as a response to my genuine, whole-hearted smile. It just makes me think you're a dreary, insincere, negative, and uncaring person. Or was that what you were going for?

Are people doing this because they're really not happy enough to crack a smile, or has it just become socially unacceptable to smile genuinely without a clear reason? Are people butchering smiling just like they are butchering the English language; replacing it with crappy shortcuts and abbreviations that require less time and effort?

Whether that's the case or not, I will keep smiling just because I want to. I don't care how weird everyone thinks I am. I'm just happy to be alive, and happy to be where I am, and happy to be who I am. I'm just freaking happy. By smiling at people, I'm making an effort to send a little bit of that happiness their way. If they don't know what to do with it, that's their problem.

Please tell me someone else can relate?

The Flu is Kicking My Butt

2012-03-20T14:58:00.000-07:00

This is me today. On my couch, in my pj's with my blanket and tissues, watching reruns of Cops.

Being sick really sucks. It's the typical flu: sore throat, fever, stuffy nose, achy muscles, etc.

It's kept me out of work for three days now. This morning I woke up with high hopes that I'd feel better and be able to resume my normal daily duties. Much to my disappointment, I sat up and realized that probably wasn't going to happen. My room was spinning, and my head was pounding.

Regardless, I stubbornly stumbled out of bed and into the shower, determined to get ready for work. It turns out that no amount of willpower can overcome the inevitable issues that arise from mixing the slippery shower floor with an impaired sense of balance.

Fast forward to breakfast time, I tried to choke down some oatmeal. Unfortunately, the dizziness was making me queasy, so breakfast ended up being a waste. The reading on the digital thermometer was the last straw. I finally gave up, and called in sick.

But I can't help feeling guilty. Even though I know that I can't realistically do my job while being this sick, I keep trying to convince myself that it's not as bad as it seems. Then I stand up, and it's even worse.

To hush my feelings of guilt and soothe my sickly spirits, of course, I want to eat. I want a big bowl of rice crispies or lucky charms. I want ice cream. Heck, I would gladly go for some steamed broccoli and a glass of orange juice. But sadly, I have none. This house is not well-equipped for this.

For now, I'll take my plain oatmeal with a grain of salt (and a glass of water), and go back to my Cops reruns. Tomorrow will be better.

How to Follow

2012-03-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

I've been hearing that Google Friend Connect does not exist anymore, so I took the widget off my blog. However, those who followed me with this service are still showing up as followers. Hmmm...

While I don't know what's going on with Google Friend Connect, I can offer you another way to follow my blog: Bloglovin'.

It's a way for you to follow all of the blogs you love in one place. All new posts will show up in your "reader" for you, and you can even group them up however you choose and get email notifications for new posts. I strongly urge you to check it out, if you're not already using Bloglovin'. Oh, and you can register your own blog so people can follow you there, as well. I really is quite handy.

So click the button in the sidebar to follow me via bloglovin'. Mkay?

Blog's Mini-Makeover

2012-03-18T11:06:00.000-07:00

I did it. After my last post about how my blog desperately needs a redesign, I decided to just go ahead and do it. Well, I didn't really redesign it, but I did the very best I could with my incredibly limited web design skills, and my lack of money to pay a pro.

This isn't simply a blog makeover, though. This is the beginning of a series of changes. Changes to my life, my home, my work, myself. It was getting to the point where I don't really recognize myself in any of these things. So I will change them. And I'll keep changing them until I'm happy with them.

I won't ask you what you think about the new blog. That's partially because many of you may not be able to recall from memory what it looked like before (I know I don't exactly keep you coming back regularly). But it's mostly because I'm not concerned with what you think about it (no offense). My blog is for me. I'm the one I need to please. So instead of worrying about whether or not readers will take well to a design or not, I need to worry about whether or not it truly reflects who I am. And I'm not quite sure about that yet. I'll get back to you.

So if you like it, great. But if you absolutely hate it (and still want to read what I write), may I suggest subscribing via email? You can read my posts in email format and never have to look at my blogs design again. Just sayin'.

I promise my posts will start becoming more consistent. P-R-O-M-I-S-E!