observations

messages

2015-08-20T19:53:00.003+02:00

What do you mean ‘I haven't read your message’? It's marked as read, isn't it?

indigestion

2012-12-16T17:54:00.004+01:00

Parts of vegetarians that cause indigestion: hair, nails, teeth, personality.

makeup

2012-11-13T21:25:00.002+01:00

Makeup – used once or twice a year to create monsters, used the rest of the time to conceal them.

velocity

2012-05-16T15:35:00.000+02:00

The velocity at which objects pass through the line of sight is geometrically proportional to how interesting they appear.

wound, bad

2011-11-25T18:58:00.000+01:00

However bad a wound may be, it cannot bleed forever.

elbow, kiss

2011-11-24T15:55:00.000+01:00

If you can kiss your own elbow, seek medical assistance immediately.

wishes, careful

2011-11-16T13:27:00.001+01:00

Be careful what you wish for; your spouse might find out.

driving

2011-10-23T13:45:00.000+02:00

Once you’ve decided to drive like an idiot, kindly make your intentions known by wearing a hat.

moving

2011-06-02T15:58:00.002+02:00

Moving – the process in which numerous large and heavy objects, after being transported to the destination safely and intact, are rendered useless, resulting from a few small and light objects being lost along the way.

Halloween

2010-11-03T15:07:00.001+01:00

On a typical Halloween there are people out there who are scarier without the mask on.

dog, eat dog

2010-10-14T14:48:00.003+02:00

It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there; except for parts of Asia where it’s a tiger-eat-man world.

worry

2010-04-10T18:05:00.001+02:00

Live now and worry later or worry now and live never.

dog, owner

2010-01-15T14:36:00.001+01:00

There are two types of dog owners: the sick bastards that don’t pick up after them, and the sick perverts that do.

vampire, friend

2010-01-08T14:53:00.001+01:00

A vampire is a friend in bleed.

disappointment, bitter

2009-11-26T11:13:00.001+01:00

Bitter disappointment: the sensation felt on the second day of working as a garbage man, a career chosen carefully after numerous and consistent observations of the fact that they only work Tuesdays.

try, hard

2009-10-13T13:24:00.001+02:00

However hard you try, the need to try hard never ceases.

multiplicity

2009-10-07T18:21:00.000+02:00

If multiple personalities get along really well is it still correct to call it a disorder?

tricks vs. treats

2008-10-31T17:31:00.001+01:00

Trick-or-treat is out, trick-and-treat is in: spike the sweets with a strong laxative.

faith

2008-07-09T12:57:00.002+02:00

Faith is good, facts are better.

hide, better not

2008-03-17T11:52:00.000+01:00

There’s a funny game we play, me and her, called “Hide and Sick”. She hides my stuff and I think that’s sick.

horse, ride

2008-03-04T10:03:00.001+01:00

I could never ride a horse. My mother told me not to play with food.

big

2008-01-10T14:05:00.000+01:00

The bigger you get the more space you take up.

Norweigan winters

2007-11-20T10:20:00.000+01:00

A few centuries ago a Norwegian man decided that making it through the winter without any broken bones was just too lame. So he went and invented skis.

wasps

2007-08-31T14:36:00.001+02:00

Death does not render wasps harmless.

engagement ring

2007-08-24T18:13:00.001+02:00

The engagement ring: if you’re pretty it’s a stop sign, if you’re ugly it’s the consolation prize.