The Modern Log

I jumped out that window a long time ago

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 21:59:00 +0000

Emma took this test and got the lovely and sophisticated Carole Lombard. What a delight. I would be envious, except ...

Your result for The Classic Dames Test...

Rosalind Russell (Ahhh! I didn't even know Rosalind Russell was an option. Oh, I could not be happier.)

You scored 12% grit, 62% wit, 14% flair, and 26% class!

You are one wise-cracking lady, always quick with a clever remark and easily able to keep up with the quips and puns that come along with the nutty situations you find yourself in. You're usually able to talk your way out of any jam, and even if you can't, you at least make it more interesting with your biting wit. You can match the smartest guy around line for line, and you've got an open mind that allows you to get what you want, even if you don't recognize it at first. Your leading men include Cary Grant and Clark Gable, men who can keep up with you.

Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the
Classic Leading Man Test.

Take The Classic Dames Test at HelloQuizzy

we were on and off, on and off, on and off again

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 01:37:00 +0000

Things that are true:

Kim should come back like right away.

I have "Baby Doll" from "Tapeheads" stuck in my head.

Wreckless Eric is a great show to see.

Cold turkey is the only way to quit longhaired musicians with glasses. Now I only like dentists with perfect eyesight.

I am way too tired to make paragraphs.

Me and Mandy Moore will probably become best friends this week.

Crab cakes need to be more readily available.

The New York Islanders (ughh) do not deserve Thomas Pock.

"Kim fun" sometimes sounds like Kam Fung.

My deep dark tan still seems to have gotten deeper and darker over the weekend.

The greatest bracelet ever is now mine.

The FreeCreditReport.com commercials are the worst. ever.

I forgot to make Kim watch the reggaeton IO commercial. (Watch it!)

I forgot to take Kim to Pio Pio.

Pio pio is really fun to say.

Probably a great song for me to sing is "Surrender" by Trixter, mostly because "Give It to Me Good" sounds too dirty.

Dollie never thought of making me an intervention.

on and off again

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 02:34:00 +0000

This was a good weekend for shows, two of my all-time favorites in two days.

Friday there was Mike Viola, the second of his four Joe's Pub shows, third of six shows of his I will see this fall. (Yes, we're going to Boston for the Candy Butchers bonanza). And then Saturday was James. Ohhh James. It had been too long, and an abbreviated (and pricey) set at Radio City wasn't going to be enough for me so we hit the road and headed to The Stone Pony — P.S. why hasn't anyone told me how insanely like this would be going to a show on my very own Shore Front Parkway? — for the real thing.

Mike Viola was great. James brought the house down. I am a lucky girl.

And I am left with a question: Which of these new lyrics is the greatest?

There was a snake in a shrub/ She had a rub on tan (Mike Viola's "Chemical Night" - co-written by daughter Isabel)

Too old for Hamlet, too young for Lear (James' "Whiteboy").

Tough call, right?

it's in me to sing

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 22:12:00 +0000

I haven't written about cooking in a long time, but I just made a very lovely salad that I don't want to forget.

Grilled chicken (6 strips, marinated in balsamic vinegar, olive oil, herbes de Provence)
Goat cheese (small log, with garlic and herbs)
radish (1 large, thin and thick sliced)
cucumber (1 medium, sliced)
romaine (1 head, chopped)
vinaigrette (balsamic vinegar, apple cider vinegar, orange juice, olive oil, salt, pepper, herbes de Provence)

This made two big dinner salads, and they were pretty fantastic.

I had to eat up early to get to work - it's VMAs night! Oh, just kidding. (About the working, not about it being VMAs night.) While the first VMAs that you don't work on are a big deal, the second are almost negligible. I will watch, because I always do and because I expect interesting things from Russell Brand. Tomorrow morning, I will check out all the magic made over at the MTV News site, salute its greatness and be grateful that I had nothing to do with it.

In other news, I love this song. It's by the Constantines, and it is everything that is great about the world:

mog.com

More about this song

three hams will thrill him

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 01:17:00 +0000

I went to Minneapolis! I had fun with my favorite people! I watched great TV shows! I went to parties! I did not go into a hot tub and faint, but I DID go to the fair, meet a chicken and try amazing and scary foods!

What I Tasted at the State Fair, by Jane

Pickle Dog
Pronto Pup (with mustard)
Big Fat Bacon
Nutella and marshmallow crepe
Culligan water
Wild Cherry Pepsi
Cheese Curds
Fudge Puppy
Frozen Cider
Roasted Corn on the Cob
Spam Curds
Pig Lickers
Michelob Amber Bock
Cream Puff
Leinenkugel Light
Perfect Pickle
Bull Bites

the session is NOT going well

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 03:10:00 +0000

Maybe it's the best thing for you, but it's the worst that could happen to me.

PS Honestly, how is this man not my best friend?

PPS Dallas or not, I'm still totally naming any boy-child I raise Sean Avery. Get into it.

I have water, I have rum

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 01:36:00 +0000

On Thursday night, I saw R.E.M. And while I have to say I was oddly disappointed to not hear "Underneath the Bunker" (have they ever played this live? My guess is "no"), it was a wonderful show. I can't imagine a better first time. Sloan was playing the same night, at the same time, at the other end of town. So we hurried out of The Garden after the last note and got to the Bowery Ballroom just in time to catch the last 45 seconds of Sloan's set. Does this count toward our quest to never miss an NYC Sloan show in 11 years? Probably not. The next night, Sloan played again. I danced and drank and sang and fought enough for two nights, easily. I had another wonderful time despite the efforts of that moron in the Brooklyn shirt ("But my ex-girlfriend used to go out with Chris!" Uh, why would that mean I'd let you cut in front of me?) and the-funny-only-to-Chris-Murphy "Skip Lowe". Yikes. Still, the fun never stopped.

Now we're in a bit of a show drought. Sure, there's Jarvis, but not until July 21. Then there is George Michael, on the 23rd, followed by Dead or Alive on the 26th. But what do we do until then?

Quest for Fire, I am looking to you. According to your MySpace page, early July is pretty quiet. Why not come to NYC and take advantage of the weak American dollar? It's the right thing to do.

Here's their video for "I've Been Trying to Leave." Clearly the subtitle should be (Toronto, and Go Play in New York).

another hit I'll take on the chin

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 02:14:00 +0000

Sloan's new album, Parallel Play, came out yesterday. My pre-ordered copy is somewhere in the mail, but Yep Roc is nice and lets you download it as well as having a hard copy.

This morning, after spilling my coffee on my light blueish green shirt ("I'd call that seafoam," said a co-worker who shouldn't say things like "seafoam"), on my long, hot walk to the train, I listened to the album for the second time - first on headphones.

I wasn't going to be easy to please after this terrible coffee-spilling start to the day (and after being bitterly disappointed in Never Hear the End of It), but I clearly and officially really like this record. I have a couple of favorites right now, but I share with you "The Dogs." It's the longest and maybe the best.

Sloan are on tour now. I will see them next Friday (not Thursday. I have REM on Thursday), and I think you should too.

mog.com

More about this song

don't worry about your future

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 15:52:00 +0000

This morning, on the way to work (sipping on an ICED coffee -- thank you so much, Daniela, for asking) I was listening to the previously discussed "Lovely Allen" and realized that I love it because it reminds me of Thrush Hermit's glorious "Patriot." The videos are quite different, I think you'll find, but I can't hold that against Holy Fuck. No one can come close to "Patriot."

In other news, Dollie and I spent about 50% of the day on the train yesterday, which was a wise plan as the train was cold. One of our journeys took us to BAM to see "Reprise," and wow, was that great. I give it five stars. You should see it and love it, for you will, plus then we can discuss Kommune. It's simply too good to spoil.

I know you seen me on the video

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 02:24:00 +0000

I have a strange relationship with music videos. I loved them, mainly. At first, they were a novelty to be enjoyed late on Friday nights or whenever I was visiting Long Island. Once we had cable, I began consuming music videos the way I had previously consumed books, constantly, passionately, voraciously. I still remember the first time I saw "Pictures of You," "Lies" (oh, "Lies"!), even "Underwhelmed" (how is this video nowhere online?).

Then music videos became harder to find. And I started in on a job where my daily (and most wonderful) task included reading comments from people who were very disappointed by the lack of music programming on a music channel. Hey, I understood. They weren't sending their comments to the right place, but if they were looking for a sympathetic ear, they found it.

During that seven-year tenure, music videos became increasingly easy to find. There were the nonstop videos on VH1 Classic, for one (of course they have since given up on videos almost entirely) and the whole watching-videos-online thing, which I just cannot fully embrace. I like the convenience, sure, but I have a really big, really nice TV that I'd rather be watching. On it, I view episodes of "Subterranean," usually a few at a time. I put watching off because it feels like homework, because I hate almost everything played. Seriously, mediocre songs, hideously ugly hipsters, bad animation -- this is not where music videos should have gone.

Tonight, while watching last week's "Subterranean," I saw a video that did it all right. The song is great, for one. The video is performance based, and the people look really into making music. (Hallelujah.) There are no lingering closeups of unattractive people or bad attempts at artistic filmmaking. It's a bunch of people (Holy Fuck, specifically) playing a song ("Lovely Allen," to be precise). And the director, Drew Lightfoot, is a genius, for he totally focuses at any given moment on exactly the instrument you want to see being manipulated right then.

I'd give this six stars if I did such things, but I don't. Instead, it gets five glorious stars. I will put the video here, but it's better on my big TV, for sure.

I didn't see it, I can't believe it

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 23:22:00 +0000

I just had the most wonderful idea, but I've already talked myself out of it.

While reading Popbitch, I noted a fantastic acronym: IDNSHC. I have read it before and enjoyed it before. (For the uninitiated, it generally pops up in "Stood next to ___ at the urinal" posts. You can figure it out.) Today, for some reason, I fell deeply in love with IDNSHC and wanted it to be a part of my life. It has a wonderful HRH and/or esquire sort of air about it, so I decided it would be wonderful to use it with the name of anyone to whom it applied. Now, of course, that would mean I'd spend the next few months IDNSHC-ing pretty much every name ever mentioned in this site, but it would be worth it.

My fear, and the reason I've abandoned this plan, is that one day, I may forget a needed IDNSHC and scandalize myself and others. So, yeah. I'm pretty broken up about this lost affectation. Please that I may use it just this once: Have you seen this story about Sean Avery, IDNSHC? I am living for his concept of what fashion should be.

just for today, let go and slide away

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 03:23:00 +0000

Every once in a while (more like every couple of years) I meet up with people I used to know and still sort of know, in the following-along-online way. Today was one such day.

There's the standard "What have you been up to?"/"Eh, the same. How about you?" exchange, generally. But this time was a bit more interesting. Me and Dollie, we've got a song. (You have heard this, right?) One other guy makes a living trying to figure out if someone urinating into another's orifices will transmit a crystal meth high. And then there's our movie-star peer.

Of course, I have seen this already and knew about it even before that, but I didn't really know how to show you. But I found out. Say Aloha to Aloha. (The magic starts one minute in. Embedding disabled by request, sadly. You must click here to see.)

In other news, I've been listening to Quest For Fire (featuring two Deadly Snakes) since I belatedly learned that they exist (oops!). So yeah, I like what I have heard so far and look forward to hearing more. That will happen in July, on The Storyboard Label, from what I understand. Hopefully they will play in New York soon thereafter.

Anyway, in the meantime, you will have to hear it on MySpace like I do. It's apparently being saddled with some sort of stoner-rock label, but I don't know much about that. To me it sounds like make-out music, you know, music boys play when they invite you over. The way I hear it, "Hawk That Hunts the Walking" exists in the same spirit as Verve's "Slide Away," which is an enormous compliment (seriously, why don't The Verve play that live anymore?) and means it's a total make-out song.

So yeah, crank up the computer and get busy!

PS I hate to see people lose, but dang, Sidney Crosby is one ugly bastard.

PPS I totally have a crush on Mike Babcock.

I know you feel let down

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:13:00 +0000

There's a dog barking behind one of the houses. I like to think it is because I am singing this song out loud in my kitchen with the windows open and the little guy is singing along. Probably not though.

Anyway, I am going to keep singing it, because I got out of work on time which means I am alone in the house for a bit. Until I go off the deep end and start singing out loud on the subway, or magically become a decent enough singer that I will sing in the house in front of people, this is one of my few chances to go for it. Singing is good for the soul, you know.

Singing this (Long Way by The General Store) is excellent for the soul. Tam (and Lola, of course), I thank you for bringing this into my life lo many years ago.

Speaking of many years, today is 12 since I met Dollie. Whoa.

mog.com

More about this song

you're an angel to me

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 01:31:00 +0000

Um, remember that whole re-crushing thing? Yeah. So it turns out, after watching Johnny Depp accept his MTV Movie Award, I've regressed further into re-crush territory. Clearly, I've never been righter than I was in 1987. Holy smokes.

seductive in small doses

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 23:04:00 +0000

Sometime last week or the week before, I got re-crushed on someone. Re-crushed is bad, worse than newly-crushed. With newly-crushed, there's a lot of learning to do, things to watch for, things to look up.

With re-crushed, there is all of that, plus all of the stuff I'd originally experienced/written/talked about to re-explore. In other words, I've been trolling my old online diaries and annoying the heck out of my friends by making them flesh out my remembrances.

It's bad, but it isn't on purpose. Something in my brain chemistry does this to me. I don't mean it. It's a sickness, for serious.

No one understands the disease quite like the Trash Can Sinatras, who have given us a completely exhilarating song about it -- good luck not getting caught up in it.

mog.com

More about this song

I love this song the way I love the people I get re-crushed on. "Hayfever" takes me over, "Drowners"-style. The crush takes me over, "Drowners"-style. By the time the song is over, you (well, I) believe you've been on the best ride ever that was just short enough to leave you feeling cheated. I don't think I've ever listened to it just once. Repeat! I can't remember why my last crush on this boy ended (someone else moved in, I'd guess), but once clearly wasn't enough. Repeat!

If you really want to enjoy the song, don't dig too deep. It's pretty dark. Poor Harry. He's creepy, yeah, but oh can I relate. [Wo]men, germs, why can't a couple of tablets take care of both? I think Harry might be a maniacal stalker (at least in the lyrics I am finding online ... many of which I never knew or would have guessed) but I understand much of his ailment.

I also must note that the first time I heard this song it was featured on a Details magazine giveaway CD. I am old.

shut it up now

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Sat, 31 May 2008 02:25:00 +0000

Poor Dollie. Oh, you have no idea what she's had to listen to for the past two weeks. It's about a boy, of course. It almost always is. I only talk about two things, work and a boy, not always the same boy, but generally only one at a time. At least this boy is pretty great, so that's helpful. The thing is, he really likes talking and listening, so in a perfect world, I could talk to him about him and he'd probably never get annoyed, but we don't live in a perfect world, do we? No. And poor Dollie has to pay.

if there's another way to do it you'd think I'd know by now

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Sat, 03 May 2008 13:28:00 +0000

This Personal DNA assessment is a lot better than the "incredible jerk" result I anticipated, so I'm pretty happy with it.

Benevolent Idealist

Stolen from Kim

waiting for tonight ... whoaaaaoaahahoaoahooo!

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Fri, 02 May 2008 04:10:00 +0000

Here is the story of tonight (please read it as a very bad limerick):

There once was a girl named Jane
Who loves the Rangers and everyone said they would lose
So she screamed and she screamed
And they played really great
And Henrik got a shutout and Jagr was awesome and then she went and drank too many snakebites and now reheated an old eggroll and will go to bed in her Avery Rules t-shirt.

The end ... ?

PS For the first time, Gardenvision showed TWO of my text messages!
PPS Definitely for serious, I name my first born child that is a boy Sean Avery. Internal bleeding will do that to a girl.

it's OK, I know nothing's wrong

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Thu, 01 May 2008 02:48:00 +0000

Why does the world hate me? I am a nice lady. Why is it that I must get terrible Sean "My Soul Brother" Avery news (which, for 20 minutes there, was basically, "He got a heart attack and probably died.") after a terrible loss, followed by a terrible episode of "American Idol" that I had to watch in the midst of other terrible times. No, really. I had to watch it. Like, for serious.

Also, why are people who are supposed to be my friends waging some sort of imaginary feud against me? Don't be mean to me. I am good! Where did I go wrong? I am at a loss. Honestly, I deserve better than this.

Do you deserve this video? It's hard to say. But I offer it to you anyway:

honestly I don't remember who you are

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 02:07:00 +0000

Here's what happened:

Hockey. We win, we lose, it runs my life. PS Have you met Fredrik Sjostrom?

<--

I mean, really. Whoa, right? Today hockey isn't looking great, but we will still win the Stanley Cup and I will still get my tattoo.

In other news, everything else is difficult and making me miserable, including the fact that my annual (see 2007 and 2006) so so so wrong obsession with a so so so wrong man has come around, and he's pulling a "CSI: Miami" this year. I can laugh about it now, but that doesn't make it OK.

Hmm, what else? Finally, after getting my hands on the book years late (and then choosing to put it on the backburner and avoid reading it right after my poor Nipsey went to heaven), I am reading "The Year of Magical Thinking." Which is great because I can't even listen to "11:11" without crying (believe me, I have tried!), clearly a book about death is just what I need during these fragile (for some reason) days. But what Joan Didion does (what she always does) is make me itch to write my book. So I have been, a tiny bit. A very tiny bit. I came home last night after an unsettling outing with El Fano (the movie was disturbing, not the company) and wrote two small parts. I think I only have about 1,200 other parts to go. Hooray!

In these uncertain times, a good song to listen to is "Second Chance," by Liam Finn, because it feels like a shot of adrenaline, mostly when it gets to the "you stand around your haunted home" mark. I love it right now, and I hope you like it too.

mog.com

More about this song

third-period conversations

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 01:19:00 +0000

Me: I can't believe I didn't win a Peabody again.
DB: Yeah, I noticed that.
Me: Another year, another missed Peabody.
DB: I could give you a Peabody.
Me: Really?
DB: Sure. I could pee on your body.
Me: Eew! No.
DB: Although it's PEAbody, like peas. I guess I could put peas on your body. Frozen peas. But you could really do that yourself.

...

DB: Ohhhh. Why is [hockey player] so foxy?
Me: He's very dirty. I learned that the hard way.
DB: What did you hear?
Me: Nothing. But I told you, I had that dirty dream of him.
DB: Did he give you a Peebody?
Me: No! Yuck.
DB: That's my joke of the day.

...

DB: I think People should do the 50 Biggest Butts list. I bet there would be at least forty hockey players on it. They'd probably be more likely to do the 50 Most Fabulous Butts. But I'd rather see Biggest Butts. Although Michael Moore might be on it. Who else? J.Lo, though her butt isn't even that big anymore. Kim Kardashian. Who is known for having a big butt? The lady who's always on the cover of King magazine. Let's say there's 10. So the rest are hockey players.

...

And ... we're in the playoffs! This will only get worse.

separate the girls from the boys

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 02:15:00 +0000

I was separated from the boys today at work. So, of course, I have taken to singing "North Dakota." Not because it's as dramatic as all that, but how many opportunities do I get to bust this one out (alone, in my own house.)

If you know, then you know. And if you don't, I'm here to help. (Click play, it will change you. And you could use a little change.)

mog.com

More about this song

OK, everybody: Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh ooooh oooooh ....

If you're having a bad day, I highly recommend singing this song at top volume for an hour. It's totally working for me. Of course, it helps if you already know the song and are also drinking beer. It's even more fun to sing it at top volume in a booth at Flannery's (or at least it was, 10 years ago) while drinking beer, but I take what I can get these days.

Now, it's drinking a 24-oz Corona out of goblet (I am a classy lady) and pumping the Hermit on iTunes while putting off watching "American Idol." I am also trying to buy myself some stuff at Sephora (honestly, that Black Honey collection was made for me!) to blank the pain away, but the site is being a butt.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure it's the singing that's really cheering me up. Also of note, I typed "Dakota" into the search, so I get to sing "North Dakota" and the Stereophonics' "Dakota." It's like a dream, really. I bet you wish you were here.

has anyone ever written anything for you

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 23:40:00 +0000

!!!!

let's burn up the night

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 03:08:00 +0000

Have I mentioned how much I love "Cheaters"? OK, so I love "Cheaters." My stepfather, whose TV watching is mainly limited to sports, "Law & Order" reruns, "Cops" and the Lifetime Movie Network (yeah, we can't figure that one out either) introduced me to it, and I've been hooked since.

Did you see that "Fashionable People" by the Joel Plaskett Emergency was the #1 featured video on YouTube? Because that pretty much completely blew my mind. Also, it inspired what is probably my second favorite Joel quote ever: "He's like the opposite of Samson--he had to cut his hair to BECOME awesome in his power! If that crap doesn't make him a million dollars in pussy, nothing will." Oh Shanno, I miss you so. [Top favorite Joel quote, also from Shanno: "Iron deficiency man"]

Canadian Music Week is happening now, but I am not in Canada. Remember the fun we used to have at CMW? Remember the fun we used to have full stop? It it time for a return to fun. I demand it. The fun starts now. Or soon. This weekend, let's say. I need some time to prepare. Plus I have a lot of "Cheaters" on the DVR, and we're at 98% capacity.

good ideas do not fall out of thin air

noreply@blogger.com (j) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 15:44:00 +0000

Mike Viola is moving. He's off to Los Angeles in a couple of weeks, for a good long while, I'd imagine. (He does have a little girl and all. You don't want to uproot a kid a couple of times a year.)

I warned Dollie that she wasn't allowed to cry at Friday's farewell show, but I started myself during the second verse of like the third song. And then I stopped. And then I started again like 10 other times.

So this was supposed to be the post where I talk about the huge role Mike Viola's music has played in my life, how we've probably seen him live more than 100 times over the past 11 years, how he came to our house and sang "I Want It That Way" to a Ewan McGregor pillow (on camera!), how he's the first thing that Dollie and I discovered and adopted together, and probably one of the bigger reasons that Jane and Dollie became jane&dollie®

But then ... Mike said they'd be back for another run of shows in the fall. So when we said goodnight, I didn't cry. Six or seven months? I can handle six or seven months.

In the meantime, enjoy this. And keep September-November clear.

mog.com

More about this song

The Modern Log

I jumped out that window a long time ago

Rosalind Russell (Ahhh! I didn't even know Rosalind Russell was an option. Oh, I could not be happier.)You scored 12% grit, 62% wit, 14% flair, and 26% class!

we were on and off, on and off, on and off again

on and off again

it's in me to sing

three hams will thrill him

the session is NOT going well

I have water, I have rum

another hit I'll take on the chin

don't worry about your future

I know you seen me on the video

I didn't see it, I can't believe it

just for today, let go and slide away

I know you feel let down

you're an angel to me

seductive in small doses

shut it up now

if there's another way to do it you'd think I'd know by now

waiting for tonight ... whoaaaaoaahahoaoahooo!

it's OK, I know nothing's wrong

honestly I don't remember who you are

third-period conversations

separate the girls from the boys

has anyone ever written anything for you

let's burn up the night

good ideas do not fall out of thin air

Rosalind Russell (Ahhh! I didn't even know Rosalind Russell was an option. Oh, I could not be happier.)

You scored 12% grit, 62% wit, 14% flair, and 26% class!