Mollie Duvall- The Daily Life of a College Student

Never Ever.

2010-04-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

I will never ever use CheapTickets.com OVER THE PHONE. Why is it that with places like these, you can never understand them AND they try to argue with you? Why is it that when tickets are 298 online, on the phone they are suddenly 388? Don't tell me rates aren't guaranteed when the price has been consistent over the past couple days. Long story as to why I had to book on the phone (the circumstances wouldn't let me do it online). Contradictory to the name if I say so myself.

I got really frustrated with the lady I was talking to when she kept saying my line was bad. Indeed it wasn't. I could hear YOU just fine. I also closed the online chat on the lady who kept repeating stuff to me when she couldn't answer my question about why my fare was so high. It was almost like I was talking to an automated system. Put a brick in my face and I could have had a more constructive conversation with it than what I did yesterday.

Anyways...

I've been sick over the past 3 days. I had to call into work at 1 am this morning. I hate calling in because 1. bad timing with my lack of $$ and 2. I always feel bad...but luckily I wasn't the only one there so that helped a lot. I have to drag myself to school because it is almost over and stuff is due...and I've skipped more than normal lately. It's the worst to come back to class realizing something was due last Friday and you had no idea and can't turn it in AND being completely lost in lecture because hey...who knew you could cover 3 chapters in 2 class periods. Sounds like a lot of learning going on to me..or maybe it is crunch time for the professor.

I crave Summer

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. -Phyllis Diller

2010-04-04T18:36:00.000-07:00

So, I am still going to MN in June. I will be re booking my flight with a bit of an extra fee but it is not as much as I thought it would be, plus the price has gone down since then so it will be even better. I think being away and happy for a week will be good for me

I have been super sick the past couple days. I might attempt to get some homework done tonight because I haven't been in class the last 2 sessions and I have a feeling chapter homework will be due tomorrow. My gut has been very right lately. I also have a project due Wednesday that I will need to start. Procrastination at its best.

Enrollment is here in a week or so and I NEED to see an adviser. I have not seen one AT ALL since Freshman enrollment and part of my stress from this semester is my lack of direction. I think after seeing one I will be more on a straight path. So ready to graduate but still a bit of a way to go.

My life has a long way to go.

I've realized it's been just 4 months since my Endometriosis surgery. I have been doing well since but still have some flare ups every now and then. I know I will never be normal but I am definitely in normal-working mode.

To be happy, it first takes being comfortable being in your own shoes. The rest can work up from there. The hardest situation to stay happy in, I think, is when you're trying to find love, and yourself at the same time. It just doesn't seem to fit well. So I believe that happiness is being able to wake up and just know that this is what you wanted, and not what somebody else wanted. -Sophia Bush

I'm resting in your loving care.

2010-04-03T12:44:00.001-07:00

and I thank you for believing in me

It's been awhile.

2010-04-02T20:15:00.000-07:00

I really only know of 1 person who reads this. and honestly, I have no motivation whatsoever to write in this but I haven't had motivation to do much of anything lately...and I think using this as a way to express thoughts I would normally have issues saying verbally will help a lot.

As of right now....my moods are up and down. As of the second..I'm crying because of a conversation with a friend on text. I tend to reflect on the past and try to imagine what would be different if I gave certain people a chance. It's amazing how the outcome of something changes your life completely. My life has changed completely.

Over the past few days, I've been asking God to help me move on with all this baggage. To just be happy in HIS presence and not rely on it with anyone else. He has blessed me in so many ways through this. I know it's not meant to be hard and pain and suffering are essential to knowing God's love and peace.

looooooover.

2010-04-02T19:52:00.001-07:00

I LOVE YOU, MB.

Small Update!

2009-12-18T21:11:00.000-08:00

On the 21st, it will be 3 weeks since my surgery. It kind of seems a lot longer than that. Things are going REALLY well. I had my follow-up Wednesday and am on the pill to stop my estrogen since that is what feeds Endometriosis. So I get protection AND relief! (JK but good on the relief part...but maybe I'm not kidding, who knows.)

I have been back to work pretty normally. I worked Sun, Tues, Thurs, Fri, Sat this week. I am tired but I like it. I feel useful and productive.

There has been a turn of events. Let's just say it's better to keep your heart open to forgiveness. I forgive too easily, I know..but it's because I love. My mind is racing again.

md.

PS: If you're reading this directly from my blog, I am aware my background is not working. I will figure out what to do later. :)

Stay with me tonight..

2009-12-11T16:12:00.000-08:00

Your Call
Secondhand Serenade

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call-I'm angry
call -I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
x4
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Wise men say only fools rush in...

2009-12-10T17:31:00.001-08:00

Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
So take my hand, and take my whole life too
Cause I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows so surely to the sea
Oh my darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
So won't you please take my hand, and take my whole life too
Cause I can't help falling in love, in love with you
Cause I can't help falling in love, falling in love, I keep falling in love with you

So much better!!!!

2009-12-07T13:59:00.000-08:00

Hi friends.

I am doing so much better than the last post. I am starting to feel a lot more like myself...no more pre-surgery abdominal pain, and very little post surgery pain (unless I press on them). Not much nausea either or shoulder pain BUT I have had it controlled by Motrin and the nausea by a prescription. I think I can start getting off them, though. The only thing is that I am still sleeping A LOT. If I go out and try to do something it wipes me out. I went to church yesterday and although my attention span was out the window, it was nice.

The only issue is I feel hungover all the time. eh.

I am attempting to do the History final on Friday. Is it safe to say this semester has been WEIRD?? The final is just a map test...I have the map..I can label and color in what I need to remember. I don't think that requires much brain power.

I feel like sleeping some more. Wow. Maybe it's good for me..maybe I am not lazy. Maybe it's my body telling me it's not ready for me to run a mile yet...Maybe.

My mom is bringing me dinner home tonight..Tuna Salad sandwich with chicken noodle. Life is good. :)

xoxoxo mollie

Rough Day.

2009-12-04T19:59:00.000-08:00

I have to say that today has probably been the roughest out of all. I have periods of nausea (mainly at night), headaches and a large amount of pain in my neck/shoulder/arm area. I am usually good with pain but this is almost unbearable. I've been told that it is gas from when they inflated my stomach during surgery that has gone upwards. I haven't slept and have no appetite. It gets to the point where I just just start crying on the floor. I wasn't expecting this side effect at all and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I have done an exercise that helps release this gas but it's pretty minimal.

I went out with my sister today to get out and I felt great just walking around but when I sat down, the pain came back even worse that I almost felt like passing out...sigh. Lortab doesn't seem to be helping much at all.

I am going to try to go out again tomorrow to a Christmas party with my work friends. I really miss them. I haven't been to work normally in over a month.

Off topic..I am tired of some people. I know people get busy and caught up in things but there's always time to say hello for just five minutes. I am not dealing with it anymore because it sucks. I am done trying.

mollie

What actually happened that day and what happens now.

2009-12-03T00:27:00.000-08:00

When I wrote what they found in my abdomen, I was pretty much in another world. I just re read that post and I left a few things out.

Before the surgery officially started, I kept asking them to please find something..anything. My worst nightmare would be to wake up and hear the news that nothing was found and then having to go through and recover from the surgery for no reason. When I woke up, the first question I asked was "did you guys find anything?" and when they told me yes, I cried like I had just given birth to a baby. They thought I was in pain..which I was but I was crying out of happiness and relief- Since I was so drugged, I also could not stop..lol. I can barely remember what happened when I woke up but I remember them taking my temp and for some reason it said 105. Then they took it again and it was 98. Who knows how that happened- I probably had one of my usual hot flashes. :)

Based on what was written down, I had small lesions all over my uterus and the biggest one was on the left side..where it hurt all along. They also found fluid which they drained. They sure did a lot with just those 2 incisions. My follow-up is in 2 weeks and I think from here I will be put on a hormone that stops my period entirely..I also hope this controls fluid build up, too.

I honestly don't know how people recover who have to get completely mutilated. As you can see from the picture, they were pretty small incisions..but hurt like heck nonetheless. It is only day 2 and I am feeling a lot better than I did after the first 24 hours. I couldn't even get up or walk. To a point I still can't but I am laying a lot more comfortable (have to lay on my side).

The Day After

2009-12-01T08:09:00.000-08:00

Wow..whoever said the day after is the worst..for sure!

My meds don't seem to be helping much..just making me sleepy. I had a tube down my throat too so it's a little difficult to talk, no matter how much I try to clear my throat lol.

Apparently Endometriosis is incurable..but not unmanageable. I don't know for sure what will happen next to keep it from forming again..I am assuming I will be put on some kind of birth control that will keep me from having a period entirely. AWESOME! not sarcasm either :)

Some good news: I have received "Incompletes" in all my classes and one even excused me from the final and submitted my grade as it was. So relieved.

I got some photos of my incisions. It looks like there were only 2 but I will know for sure when I take that band aid off.

I am REALLY bloated in this

Love you guys.

xo mollie

Prayers Answered.

2009-11-30T17:14:00.000-08:00

My biggest fear during the surgery was that I would wake up and be told nothing was found.

I woke up and got a completely different answer:

They found stage 1 Endometriosis in my left and right part of my abdomen. One of the assistants told me the one on my uterous is the biggest one they have ever seen. I started bawling. Not because I hurt..although I was..but because I now know what has caused this pain for so long. I cried for a good 30 minutes. My dad came and visited me a few times and it made me so happy. I cannot thank him enough for spending all this money to help me get better.

I am very easily irritated right now so I am going to stop and go to bed. Just thought I would update.

My mom wanted pictures for this "memorable" event..so here you go:

Don't know what I was doing in this lol

Thank you all for caring. I will write in a couple of days.

xo mollie

Starting to have dreams.

2009-11-27T21:08:00.000-08:00

I knew it would happen..starting to have dreams about my classes and not finishing them. Sounds dumb but it's been really hard soaking it in that I may have to redo the class I worked my butt off in. It's possible to go from a 95 to an F or hopefully an incomplete in a matter of weeks. Who knew?

I heard from my sweet friend, Sandee today. It's always a joy hearing from her because sometimes it can be a while..which is okay because I know she is sick- So it is always so SPECIAL to get messages from her..not..going..to..cry.

Ready for Monday. Ready for Monday. It's been so..uncomfortable these last few days. I am just so glad I have the support I do. The family and friends that I do. I know there are always going to be those people who just don't get it and use hurtful words to justify themselves. Being sick has helped me to really push those types of people out of my life- No matter how much I think I care about them. No one deserves to be hurt in that way, especially when it's because of something out of their control. This is out of my control.

I don't have many updates regarding me because I haven't had to go to any doctors appointments. Monday is the big day. Never thought I would see the day that I would actually be excited to be cut open. Cut me all you want, just make this stop.

mollie

I am having surgery Monday at 2:30.

2009-11-25T12:23:00.000-08:00

As expected, the ultrasound came back normal. I am going to try to stay as positive in this post despite my feelings otherwise throughout this whole thing.

However, if they don't find anything during the surgery I may just go a bit insane. It hurts to even sit and type this yet the issue has not been diagnosed. Please God above, PLEASE..let them find something Monday. I just want to get back to my normal life.

That's all I want.

I love you guys. Thanks for listening

md

Today. Today COULD be love. Yes, I will make it a love kind of day.

2009-11-24T08:58:00.000-08:00

Today I had a 7:30 appointment at "Women's Health"-since they think it's problem involving my ovary/reproductive system (that's what they think now)..and I got to experience what it was like to be an "adult". That's all I am saying involving THAT.

I was hoping for an ultrasound today but the earliest is tomorrow. She thinks that I may have Endometriosis ('Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus (the endometrial stroma and glands, which should only be located inside the uterus) is found elsewhere in the body.') Basically, if that is outside of the uterus, it's not supposed to be. If they see no cysts on the ultra sound they will perform a laparoscopy in which I will be put under and they will go through my belly button with an instrument to see inside my pelvis. At this point, I PRAY they find something. I don't know what it is at this point that has caused me so much crap in my life in the last 3 weeks.

I know people go through worse things-way worse things. I have felt God's love so much through this and I know as long as He is there, nothing else matters. I know I will be okay eventually...it is just always hard to see that side when you're still right in the middle of it. I am TRYING to remain positive but as the days go by and I feel like nothing is progressing, I just feel kind of helpless. I regain these thoughts but lose them as soon as I get bad news or just no news. I need to keep my mind on Him. I can do all things through Him. I just need to keep remembering that.

md.

There's no need to say a thing when I'm before you.
In this silence I feel refreshed with peace.
Break this noise that binds the voice that tries to speak.
Open my eyes to see Your gracious, sovereign reach.
[CHORUS]
It is hard to talk when I feel that You are near,
When all is quiet it's the beauty that I hear.
This hidden place where I know that You've calmed my fears.
I know that You've washed my tears.

The seasons of change I've faced have never left me wounded.
Only scars of hurt, but never deeply rooted.
This healing I have felt, no burden can replace.
Redemptive hope has been the story of my pain.

[CHORUS]
It's hard to talk when I feel that You are near,
When all is quiet it's the beauty that I hear.
This hidden place where I know that You've calmed my fears.
I know that You've washed my tears.

All is lost without the breath of life You give, and You give so much.
I want nothing more than You, so here's my heart

[CHORUS]
It's hard to talk when I feel that You are near,
When all is quiet it's the beauty that I hear.
This hidden place where I know that You've calmed my fears.
I know that You've washed my tears.

It's not always happy endings but its happy in between...

2009-11-22T18:39:00.000-08:00

You keep tryin to get inside my head,
While I keep trying to lose the words you said
Can't you see I'm hangin by a thread,
To my life what I know, yeah I'm losing control and

Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, it's more than I can take
I'm so tired of turning and running away
When love ju--st isn't safe
(you're not safe, mmm-mm)

I'm strong enough, I've always told myself
I never want to need somebody else
But I've already fallen from that hill,
So I'm droppin that guard here's your chance at my heart and

Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, it's more than I can take
I'm so tired of turning and running away
When love ju-st isn't

Everything you want, but it's everything you need
It's not always happy endings but it's hap-py in between
It's taken so long, so long to finally see
The other isn't worth the risk

Oh no, my walls are gonna break
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
So tired of turning and running away
When love ju-st isn't safe

Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, it's more than I can take
So tired of turning and running away
When love just isn't safe

You're not safe
And that's okay

Here we go again: Another cycle of predictions.

2009-11-21T12:10:00.000-08:00

The last couple of days I was doing GREAT. No fatigue, headaches or much pain in my abdomen-thought I was back to normal despite the unpainful tightness in my stomach. However, I was barely active. Work today triggered it...10 times worse. I was determined to suck it up because I needed to get back. But once I sat down, the pain escalated to the point where I just started bawling. I got sent home and here I am with the prediction by my parents (dad is a doctor) that I may have a cyst on my ovary. It's a good guess because issues with this run in the family.

I don't get it. I don't get that after everything, the doctors never saw this as a potential reason for this pain. I am wondering if I had a cyst that it would have shown up on the results?

People tell me to rest this weekend. I can't. I have 2 exams Monday over the crap I missed from already being sick and yesterday was my first day back. There's no way I can catch up on this. My semester is completely out of wack now and I worked hard for the A I would have had in History. I think now I just need to accept the fact my grades won't be what they are expected to be..my dad understands that.

Yeah "more bad news"...but this could be a big break in all of this. Although it doesn't explain the nodes around my intestine that indicated a virus. Are 2 things happening at once that are totally separate from each other? They say bad things come in threes.

md.

Wordless....Friday

2009-11-19T23:39:00.000-08:00

I have been catching up with my photography assignment that I have been behind on since I was sick. I have one more picture to take and it's 1:32 am. Bah. I got this though and I love photography THAT much.

The theme is Take objects and put them where they don't belong.

Click the pictures to see original:

Shoes in an oven.

6 years today. I miss you, Andrea. You are my sunshine and thanks for having an amazing sister.

xo md.

Wordless Wednesday- Fantasy and Surrealism Photography Assignment.

2009-11-18T18:17:00.000-08:00

Updates, Friends, and Catheters.

2009-11-17T14:01:00.000-08:00

Before I start, to the person who text me and said I was the bearer of bad news, screw you. Your pointless words could MAYBE have been justified if I was telling you something stupid like "boys are always douche bags" (extra emphasis on "boy") Am I being mean? Sorry, I am not going to let this NOT affect me anymore. I can't help what has been going on with me and what you said last night has allowed me to see you in the light that you really are as a person.

I had my follow-up today. Basically nothing new except that I see the Urologist tomorrow and an Endocrinologist in the near future. They think the infection around my colon and the air in my bladder is due to the past urinary tract infections I have been having (I have had about 6 this year and last) and so I really don't know what to expect. I am afraid they are going to put in a catheter at some point though...(positive thinking..............). The Endocrinologist will see if the lesions found in my thyroid are anything to be worried about. My dad doesn't think so because they are very small and it would be difficult to biopsy anyways. I am not too worried about those.

I am feeling better pain wise but still have a lot of fatigue when I become active. I plan to return to school Friday and work on Saturday. I am ready to get back to normal.

I have decided that I am going to take a step back. If you want updates, tell me..if not, I won't ever say a word. Friends don't really seem to give a damn unless you're dead or near death and suddenly they "were your best friend" I am not asking for sympathy...but I can't seem to ask for prayers either. I can't seem to have certain friends there for me. I am sorry to those I have been bugging and appreciate those who have been here since the beginning. The conversation I had last night with someone really hurt me and I just don't know what to think about certain people anymore. I said this on Twitter and I will say it again on here..but in a more G rated version. When I decide to push people out, I need to keep them out.

-- These things I wish for you - tough times and hard
work, disappointment and happiness. To me, it's the
only way to appreciate life.

md

Who knows.

2009-11-15T21:31:00.000-08:00

So the CT showed nothing abnormal with my gallbladder and appendix but they found air in my bladder and lymph nodes around my intestine which indicates something viral..no one knows how air got into my bladder. I have an ultrasound in the afternoon tomorrow as well as a follow up on Tuesday. What are my thoughts? I don't really know at this point. The pain has subsided some due to the medication I am on but the pressure is still there as well as the nausea at night.

I have a prep test in the afternoon tomorrow in History but I don't know if I can even concentrate enough to absorb the material on the power points that I have been missing. I am so out of it.

Thanks again for all the love. I am ready for this to be over. I have a feeling I won't ever feel "caught up" until the end of the semester.

xo md

Sandee

2009-11-12T22:19:00.000-08:00

I am looking at my search engine referrers and I can see that there is somebody searching for info on Sandee and whoever it is, I want to tell you she IS still alive and fighting. She has been on oxygen for awhile now and is weak, but her sweet self is still here. Hope this helped someone out there who is worried.

Mollie

PS: Please comment if you are reading this and it was you. I would be happy to keep you updated. We also have a Facebook group that is dedicated to her that periodically has updates as well.

Blood Tests, Ultrasounds, and CT Scans.

2009-11-12T16:55:00.000-08:00

I get to experience my first CT scan/ultrasound this Saturday morning.

It is day 10 and nothing is better. I have been suddenly waking up in the middle of the night with throbbing headaches, nausea and abdominal pain (other than the pain I already have during te day). This is really upsetting because my school grades are going to go down the sh***er (no other word to give it justice, really) and I can't go to work until I can actually function without crying and being in agony. I pray they find something on the scan so they can remove it and I can start feeling better. It's hard to drive because I have to keep re positing myself to keep pressure off the left side of my stomach.

I had some blood tests and after having issues finding my vein, they got what they needed. I tested negative for mono so that is ruled out.

It's hard not to cry when some things are out of your control.

I've got this, though. One day at a time.

Thanks to everyone who has been texting. I have been getting drowsy like it's no ones business and if I don't text back, I am probably asleep and will when I wake up.

md.

Cause you're halfway in, but don't take too long... Cause I'm halfway gone

2009-11-09T21:44:00.000-08:00

Wohoww wohoww
Halfway gone
I'm halfway gone

You were always hard to hold
So letting go aint easy
I'm hanging on but growing cold
While my mind is leaving

Talk, talk is cheap
Give me your word you can keep
Cause I'm halfway gone and I'm on my way
And I'm feeling, feelin feelin this way
Cause you're halfway in but don't take too long
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone
Wohoww wohoww
Halfway gone
I'm halfway gone

You got one foot out the door
And choking on the other
Always think there's something more
It's just around the corner

Talk, talk is cheap
Give me your word you can keep
You can keep
Cause I'm halfway gone and I'm on my way
And I'm feeling, feelin feelin this way
Cause you're halfway in but don't take too long
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone

If you want me out, then I'm on my way
And I'm feelin, feelin feelin this way
Cause you're halfway in, but don't take too long
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone
Wohoww wohoww
I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone
Wohoww wohoww
Now I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone

Don't take too long, don't take too long
Wohoww wohoww
Cause I'm on my way
If you take too long
Wohoww wohoww
Cause I'm halfway gone and I'm on way
And I'm feeling, feelin feelin this way
Cause you're halfway in but don't take too long
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone

If you want me out, then I'm on my way
And I'm feelin , feelin feelin this way
Cause you're halfway in, but don't take too long
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone
Wohoww wohoww
Cause I'm halfway gone, yeah I'm halfway gone
Wohoww wohoww
Cause I'm halfway gone, yeah I'm halfway gone