smut & sensibility

NCAVP Monthly Update: Reports of violence affecting LGBTQH communities in December 2011

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 00:00:00 +0000

[trigger-warning for anti-queer violence]

NCAVP Monthly Update: Reports of violence affecting LGBTQH communities in December 2011

The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (NCAVP) is concerned by reports of violence impacting lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and HIV-affected (LGBTQH) communities across the United States and Canada since late November 2011. 13 reported incidents of violence have occurred in California, Georgia, Iowa, Louisiana, Missouri, Montréal, Quebec, North Carolina, Ohio, Tennessee, Washington, DC, Washington State, and Wisconsin.

NCAVP is providing all information available regarding these reports and is not responsible for the complete accuracy of the specific details pertinent to allegations, police investigations, and criminal trials. Initial reports of these incidents come from media reports of LGBTQH violence and not direct service provision from NCAVP member programs. NCAVP has reached out to local organizations in these areas and is offering assistance to support their anti-violence efforts.

November 26, 2011: New Orleans police found Brenting Dolliole, a 23 year old gender non-conforming person, beaten to death in New Orleans, Louisiana. Investigators believe Dolliole died as a result of severe head trauma. New Orleans police have named Corey Kennedy, 24, as a person of interest but not a suspect in their homicide investigation. Local LGBTQ organization BreakOUT! held a vigil on Thursday, January 5^th in honor of Dolliole and Githe Goines, 23, a transgender woman killed in New Orleans in late December.

December 2, 2011: A gay couple woke up to find threats and anti-gay slurs including "Move or Die" and "Die" spray painted on their home in Columbus, Ohio. The homeowners suspect that the vandalism was in response to a heated meeting among members of their condo association the day before. The local Strategic Response Bureau is investigating the incident as a misdemeanor due to its threatening message. The couple has stated that they now fear for their safety. NCAVP member program, Buckeye Region Anti-Violence Organization (BRAVO), has been in contact with the couple and is providing police and court system advocacy in response to this incident.

December 2, 2011: An unnamed Public Works employee approached a transgender woman and grabbed her wig off her head at Z's Bar inDes Moines, Iowa. A witness recounted that when another bar patron tried to confront the man following the incident, the man hit her. According to local news reports, the bar's manager suspected that the man committed the act of harassment to win a $100 bet among city employee colleagues at an annual party at the venue. The woman who was harassed did not file a police report because she did not want to reveal her name. Following this incident, Public Works Director Bill Stowe announced that the employee would receive, “appropriate disciplinary action,” and a Public Works supervisor apologized to Z’s Bar for the incident.

December 7, 2011: Jacob Rogers, a senior at Cheatham County High School in Ashland City, Tennessee, completed suicide after enduring severe anti-gay bullying by classmates for years. Rogers’ closest friend, Kaelynn, reported that Rogers sought help from his school. School officials say they were only aware of one incident and believed the bullying had been getting better. LGBTQH bloggersTowleroad, Slog and Joe.My.God, successfully raised $5,000 to support Rogers’ family to pay for funeral expenses. The bloggers announced that the remaining donations will be distributed between the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, Trevor Project,American Civil Liberties Union and It Gets Better Project.

December 11, 2011: William Adam Lane, 22, confronted a lesbian couple with profane, derogatory comments about the couple's sexuality after he saw them embrace in Bellingham, Washington. Lane then smashed in the rear window of the couple’s car before he was pinned to the ground by one of the women. Police said they believe Lane was intoxicated at the time of the incident. Local law enforcement are investigating this incident as malicious harassment and a hate crime. The unnamed couple, 23 and 30, were reportedly not hurt by the incident.

December 12, 2011: Montréal, Quebec boutique owner, Ghislain Rousseau, was closing his store when a woman banged on the window and tried to smash it in with her foot as she yelled, “this is a f—king faggot store!”. Rousseau stopped the woman from attacking his store and shortly after two police officers arrived at the scene. The city held a public council meeting to address violence in Montréal’s gay village where the mayor committed to improving the neighborhood’s lighting and increasing its police presence.

December 13, 2011: Pro Shots, a shooting range in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, put up a billboard that reads "Pansies Converted Daily" with an image of a target sign and a rifle. Equality North Carolina has condemned this message as "veiled homophobic hate speech.” NCAVP member program, Rainbow Community Cares, also released a statement denouncing this advertisement as supporting violence against LGBTQ people. Pro Shots responded by announcing that they will take the billboard down.

December 14, 2011: Two men yelled homophobic slurs and attacked an unnamed man, 22, in Athens, Georgia. The man, who identifies as gay, was walking toward his car when the incident occurred. He was knocked unconscious and has shattered teeth as a result of the attack. According to reports, the survivor wanted the attack reported as a hate crime. Local law enforcement are investigating this incident as aggravated battery.

December 20, 2011: A transgender woman, 56, was stabbed in the back with a knife by an unnamed man while at a house inWashington, DC’s Kingman Park neighborhood. According to the police report, the woman was in the basement of the house when she got into an argument with the man which then led to the attack. The woman then walked to a nearby apartment complex where she was found by police lying on the ground and bleeding from the stab wound. Emergency responders transported her to a local hospital where she was treated for her injuries. Local sources connected to NCAVP have reported that the survivor is now at home recovering from this attack. This incident marks Washington DC’s 12th assault against a transgender woman where a knife or gun was used since July. Washington DC’s Metropolitan Police Department’s Special Liaison Unit announced that the Gay and Lesbian Liaison Unit (GLLU) is assisting in the investigation of this incident.

December 24, 2011: Dee Dee Pearson, 31, a transgender woman of color, was shot to death by Kenyon E. Jones, 26, inside an apartment in the 1000 block of East 43rd Street in Kansas City, Missouri. Jones told police he killed Pearson after paying her for sex and discovering that she was transgender. Jones, who has a history of drug related offenses, has been charged with second-degree murder and armed criminal action by the Jackson County Prosecutor’s Office. NCAVP member program, Kansas City Anti-Violence Project, released a joint statement with the Justice Project grieving this murder and calling for respectful media coverage of Pearson’s death. These organizations hosted a memorial service for Pearson on December 28^th.

December 25, 2011: Unknown suspects vandalized and destroyed depictions of same-gender couples in an art installation nativity scene outside Claremont United Methodist Church in Claremont, California. Claremont police are investigating this incident as a hate crime. The church plans to hold an interfaith vigil in support of LGBTQH communities in response to this vandalism.

December 25, 2011: Lyal Ziebell, 20, and Jake Immel-Rhode, 20, yelled anti-gay slurs and punched an unnamed man in the face outside PJ’s bar in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. Immel-Rhode then repeatedly kicked the man in the head. The man sustained a broken jaw and brain injury as a result of the attack, and believes he was attacked because he is gay. Ziebell has stated that he is “very homophobic” and attacked the man after he started “hitting on me.” Winnebago County authorities have charged Ziebell and Immel-Rhode with battery causing great bodily harm, burglary, and a hate crime modifier.

December 29, 2011: Local police found the dead body of Githe Goines, a 23 year old transgender woman, in a scrap yard in New Orleans, Louisiana after she had gone missing for two weeks. Local media reports have not accurately identified Goines as a transgender woman in the reporting of her death, but New Orleans sources connected to NCAVP assure that Goines identified as a woman. The Orleans Parish coroner’s office believes Goines was strangled to death. Local law enforcement have not released information regarding possible suspects in their investigation of this homicide. Local LGBTQ organization, BreakOut! held a vigil on Thursday, January 5^th in honor of Goines and Brenting Dolliole, a gender non-conforming person killed in late November in New Orleans. Goines’ death marks the 14^th homicide of a transgender or gender non-conforming person NCAVP has tracked in 2011.

According to NCAVP’s report Hate Violence Against Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and HIV-Affected Communities in the United States in 2010, there was a 13% increase in reports of anti-LGBTQH violence between 2009 and 2010. NCAVP believes that together communities can prevent and end violence impacting LGBTQH people and calls on community members, anti-violence organizations, and public officials to join efforts to end violence within and against LGBTQH communities.

Prevent: NCAVP encourages communities to create programs, campaigns, and curricula to prevent anti-LGBTQH harassment and violence and to promote safety. NCAVP is available to provide support and resources to communities for their violence prevention efforts.

Respond: NCAVP recommends increasing support for LGBTQH survivors of violence by increasing funding for services and banning barriers to service and discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation.

Report Violence: NCAVP encourages anyone who has experienced violence to contact a local anti-violence program for support and to document this violence.

Get Involved: Join NCAVP in our efforts to prevent and respond to LGBTQH violence. To learn more about our national advocacy, receive technical assistance or support, or locate an anti-violence program in your area, contact us.

Contact Information for Responding Organizations

BRAVO

Hotline: 866-862-7286

www.bravo-online.org

BreakOUT!

Phone: 504-522-5435

www.youthbreakout.org

Equality North Carolina

Phone: 919-829-0343

www.equalitync.org

Kansas City Anti-Violence Project

Phone: 816-561-0550

www.kcavp.org

Rainbow Community Cares

Phone: 919-342-0897

www.rccares.org

NCAVP works to prevent, respond to, and end all forms of violence against and within lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and HIV-affected (LGBTQH) communities. NCAVP is a national coalition of local member programs, affiliate organizations and individuals who create systemic and social change. NCAVP is a program of the New York City Anti-Violence Project.

Reverse Racism DOES NOT EXIST

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 02:01:00 +0000

REASON 1:
If you ascribe to the simplest and broadest definition of racism, which means "discrimination on the basis of race," THERE IS NO WAY FOR IT TO GO IN "REVERSE." Racism doesn't mean "hating on minorities"--it means "hating on ANYONE because of their race." Thus, "reverse racism" is a ridiculous concept/idea because any instance of racial discrimination would just be racism.

REASON 2:
If you ascribe to the definition of racism as institutionalized discrimination/oppression, "reverse racism" (which again, is a term that does NOT MAKE SENSE ANYWAY, AHHHH) doesn't exist. Discriminatory actions can be perpetrated by anyone, but racism needs the institutional backing. Racism is not a one-off moment of discrimination; it is a cycle, a web of power and structures that affirm one group's dominance over another. Racism has deep roots and a wide reach.

At the end of the day, a discriminatory action can stay encased in that moment where it happened, or it can reverberate throughout a persons life and be repeated over and over.

Of course, racism and discrimination don't play out in the same ways in every person's life because their other circumstances and identities affect their experiences. Still, the point is that if you can leave your moment of experiencing racialized discrimination relatively unscathed and without having great odds that it will be repeated, it was PROBABLY NOT RACISM. If you leave that moment and go back to a place where you are inherently valued more because of your race, where systems in place privilege you, IT WAS NOT RACISM because you live in a society that has the scales tipped in your favor on the axis of race.

Questions from a Closeted Kinkster

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 13:21:00 +0000

hi there, i saw you on twitter and noticed yr going to geeky kink! i'm a closeted young(ish) kinkster who would love to be the type that goes to cons, has play partners, etc, but doesn't know anyone or have any connections. do you have any resources or tips? what was yr first bdsm con like? were you intimidated? do you have a kink coming out story? feel free to neglect any of my questions if they're too prying.

Resources/tips: For online community, check Twitter and Fetlife circles. On Fetlife, be active on discussion boards for things that call your attention. On Twitter, find folks that are awesome and engage with them. Tumblr is also fantastic; just find BDSM bloggers, follow kinky tags, reblog some things you find hot and start making connections with other people that share those tastes/interests! Those online friendships can sometimes very easily translate into in-person friendships or even relationships. Speaking for myself, my primary partner and I started talking through OKCupid. Many of the people I smooch and/or am GOOD friends with right now, I met online first through various means. Also--meeting through friends of friends. Joining pre-existing networks of kinksters makes your circles grow exponentially. Speaking of which--there are some colleges with BDSM groups, most notably Columbia with Conversio Virium.

Go to events, definitely, if you feel comfortable (or ok) doing so. The Internet is awesome, but in-person interactions can also be very important. There are a wide variety of cons (some that allow play, some that don't) for different demographics (transfolks, queer women, youngsters, yada yada) and different proclivities (e.g. rope cons, high-protocol cons, etc.). You can search for them, and here's where Fetlife also comes in handy--people post events there! You can also go to munches and meet local BDSM folk. A safe way of dipping your toes in might be to go to conferences that don't allow play (e.g. Fetish Fair Fleamarket, which is also pretty cheap) or going to conferences with curious friends and sticking together. Generally, though, here are some names of fun cons you could check out:

Dark Odyssey (they have Fusion, Winter Fire, and Summer Camp)
Trans CampOut
Geeky Kinky Event
Wicked Faire
Floating World
TESFest
FetFest
Fetish Fair Fleamarket

Also, different organizations host parties and/or do classes like the New England Leather Alliance. ALSO OH MAN, check out KinkAcademy.com. SO MANY RESOURCES AND VIDEOS. Awesome education on-demand (by subscription). Totally worth it. Finally, don't feel pressured to have 69 play partners. Everyone has to start somewhere, and it's about satisfaction, not numbers. Similarly, it's not about being on ALL THE SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS EVARRRR, but being happy with the stuff you're on.

My first con: was the Fetish Fair Fleamarket in Providence. Fun classes, cool fashion show, lots of people, vendors, the whole thing--but no public play, no dungeon. It was a "safe" con in that respect; no need to put myself out there (even though I would have done so if I'd had the chance). Wasn't intimidated. Was very excited. Felt "holy shit, these are my people" when I walked in. Super happy to see so many kinksters in one place. It was joyous. Not everyone feels that way, though; some people are overwhelmed, intimidated, scared, nervous, and the list goes on. It's about seeing what ways make you interact, but also feel comfortable.

Kink coming out story: I'm always coming out to new people! My favorite stories usually stem from trips in airports or on mass transit. Hilarious conversations usually ensue. One involved 2 drunk guys talking to my boss/colleague and I when we were in Florida for an adult novelties convention, and us showing them male chastity devices because they wanted to see toys and those were at the top of our bag. Perfect coincidence. On a more family-related level, I came out to my mother indirectly when she read my chat logs and some stuff in my journals when I was a teenager. I've come out to her again since, both directly (saying I'm into a variety of kink stuff) and indirectly (hello, bruising!). I've come out to friends, but usually without making a big kerfuffle about it because sexuality is such a huge part of my life in general, that it's not super surprising or unheard of in the circles that I travel.

When did I notice I was kinky? The first big inklings came when I was 14 and I had this kind of random role-play via chat with a guy (he was 18) from an art-site I frequented (deviantART). It started out pretty mellow, and then it turned into this sexualized, violent thing involving me getting impaled in the chest by a rusty spike. I don't even know. It was bizarre. I was confused and turned on and mildly horrified...and that began my first online dating situation. WILD wild stuff, I tell ya. The other big milestone was watching Secretary. Classic. I have SO many fond memories of that movie. It's kind of become code for kinky. If someone tells me they like "Secretary," it's usually a sign that they're kinky. NOT always, but often. For some people, it's like flagging--the hanky code, but with movie choices.

In Mississippi: Vote NO! Save the Pill on 26! Save the Vote on 27!

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 12:09:00 +0000

This is reposted from an email bulletin by Sister Song, a women of color reproductive health collective:

In Mississippi: Vote NO! Save the Pill on 26!

Save the Vote on 27!

What is Initiative 26?

On November 8, 2011, Mississippians will be given the opportunity to vote on a dangerous amendment to the state Constitution, which will read, "Should the term 'person' be defined to include every human being from the moment of fertilization, cloning, or the functional equivalent thereof?" This amendment would redefine personhood at conception and it seeks to undo laws that protect abortion rights, stem cell research, in vitro fertilization, and even birth control.

Many of the amendment's supporters view it as a means to overturn Roe v. Wade in the state of Mississippi, in order to persecute women who decide to have abortions and the doctors that perform them. However, there are implications for people who decide to parent. By defining "personhood" at conception, this could end up criminalizing women who experience miscarriages, stillbirths, or women whose lives are at risk who decide to save their own lives, rather than the fetus. Initiative 26 could lead to more government intrusion into women's personal lives, such as accessing our medical records to investigate miscarriages, dictating what kind of birth control we use and interfering with medical decisions in treating women whose lives are at risk. By giving constitutional rights to a fertilized egg, the amendment could ban emergency contraception, birth control pills and IUDs as well as all abortions, even in cases of rape, incest, or to save the life of the woman or girl. In short, our rights will be violated in order to uphold the rights of the fetus.

This amendment will disproportionately criminalize (low-income) women of color as we have seen in other states. Mississippi has the highest concentration of African-Americans, high poverty rate and low education ranking, allowing for this issue to be at the heart of intersectionality for women of color, especially Black women. Because the majority of anti-choice proponents are Republican and white, this issue is highly racialized. Pro-life often means something different in the African-American community. Because of issues around gender, race, class and cultural history, Blacks may describe themselves as being both pro-life and pro-choice. We cannot allow Initiative 26 to become a moral issue, especially when it directly impacts and criminalizes so many women, especially poor women of color. We must not be influenced by rhetoric that considers women who choose to have an abortion as "murderers" when 61% of women who undergo the procedure are mothers, and 84% will become mothers.

What is Initiative 27?

On the same ballot there is also a controversial Voter ID exclusion measure, Initiative 27, which will allow voting restrictions that will directly impact women of color. This initiative, if passed, will implement measures that are reminiscent of the 1960's lack of access to the ballot. These two initiatives may be one of the most important opportunities on the ground for the Pro-Choice and Reproductive Justice Movements to work together. To read more about these two Initiatives and what the related intersections mean to women of color, specifically Black women, click here to read an article by our National Coordinator Loretta Ross.

How to join the fight:

What You Can Do..

First educate yourself on what these Initiatives really mean and the consequences of their implementation.
You can help in this get-out-the-vote effort by voting and urging everyone you know in Mississippi- your friends, family, co-workers, or members of groups you are affiliated with-to Vote No on Initiative 26 and 27 on November 8, 2011.
To take direct action, you can donate to various organizations to help the statewide Mississippi coalition campaign buy desperately needed television and radio ads.
You can share informative posts on Facebook, Twitter and other social media outlets to dispel any myths and clarify the impact of these Initiatives.

Your Ignorance Is Showing: Ridiculous Comments on Empowerment, Objectification, and Domestic Violence

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 17:44:00 +0000

Alternatively titled: "A Response to Cate Stewart and Lisa Lansio"

For those of you who don't know, I'm one of the two co-leaders of SHEEC this year--a group with which I've been heavily involved since its inception in 2008/2009. I was at a conference in Colorado this week and sadly had to miss 3 of our events, including a showcase/open-mic in honor of Wear Purple Day/Spirit Day and Love Your Body Day that would benefit Sojourner House, a local domestic violence agency founded by Brown students in 1976. The Showcase featured 2 local poets, the Gendo Taiko (Japanese drumming) crew, Attitude (a dance troupe), as well as a few other performers (of the singing/acoustic-guitar variety).

After a set of great performances, the last two individuals who signed up for the open-mic portion took the stage and began to attack the event and the people who were in it, saying that having a campus pole-dancing troupe perform was "not respectful" and that "it just perpetuated gender roles and objectified women." One said that "she came here expecting to be empowered, but that’s not what happened for her at all" and that we "need to stop singing about gendered things" (and I believe the example was getting kissed in parking lots? Which...what?).

The other added that "women need to stop playing the victimized role, stop blaming men for our problems, women bring it upon themselves" and that "women have the power just as much as men and are as much to blame for abuse as men, that women are not chained to the floor and can just walk away from abusive situations." That same one mentioned some of the performers who talked about abuse or abused women and their mindsets have no right to speak issues that they were not physically a part of (which is actually inaccurate, but I'll get to that later).

This is my response, not only as SHEEC's Co-Chair, but as an individual:

First of all, the controversial pole-dancing performance. I'm tired of defending and explaining this one, so I'll keep it short and sweet. Empowering women doesn't mean desexualizing them. Objectification is only a problem if it's not paired with due subjectification (read this post as well as the comments). Finally, we support a group of educated women who want to "stretch the boundaries of pole dancing as something far more than simply sexy," who "want to create a place where people feel comfortable, athletic, and yes, sexy!" and who "consistently challenge the stereotypes that surround vertical dancing, and seek to bring together a wide range of art forms through experimentation and openness in [their] performances."

We wanted to showcase individuals who would address the core of our event, who would speak to their relationships with their bodies via song/dance/poetry and would show us a bit of themselves through their art. This event wasn't meant to empower every person, but provide a space so people could share what empowered them and talk about what didn't. Sorry, Cate and Lisa, if this didn't empower you personally, but that's not what the event was for. We wanted to start the conversation and show the varied emotions people had regarding their bodies, trying to focus on the positive, but also trying to highlight the complexity and (thus billing it as something "silly and serious and complex" in our advertising).

Now, what I consider the most egregious part of this evening (again, from what I've been told) was the commentary around abuse and the power women do or don't have.

As a CLASS of people, no, women do not have the same power men have. This, of course, is affected by the intersections of people's identities and how they affect their place on the social ladder/s, but if we're only considering it on the axis of sex, no. We are not seen as equal and we do not have the same power men do. Some individual women may have more power in specific contexts, but ask yourself--is that because they're women or is it because of something else? And furthermore, think of the difference between winning a battle and winning the war. Few and exceptional individual cases of powerful women don't erase the massive inequalities across society.

We are not blaming individual men for "our problems." First of all, they're EVERYONE'S problems. Second of all, what we *are* blaming is a system that in most instances, privileges men and masculinity and devalues or even punishes women and femininity (not that the two--m/m and w/f--are inextricably joined, but are often thought to be). It's not the fault of individual men (or women) acting in a vacuum; it's the fault of everyone taking actions that contribute to this system, and that's why EVERYONE has to work against it.

"Women bring it upon themselves" is such a problematic statement, I don't even know where to begin. My first reaction is to say "Your privilege and ignorance are showing." I'll call upon the words of S. Biko: "The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed." READ ABOUT OPPRESSION AND POWER. Expand your myopic view. Your personal experience as a a woman and even as a victim/survivor of abuse does not qualify you to invalidate the experience of others, particularly women who have experienced trauma.

Abusive situations are DEFINED by a power and control imbalance, so NO, if the abusive partner in a male/female couple is the male, the female partner does NOT have the same power. She is also NOT TO BLAME for the abuse; no victim of abuse ever is. Read up on slut-shaming and victim-blaming to educate yourself on this. Intimate partner abuse is also often reinforced by other forms of institutional abuse/power; again, these things don't occur in a vacuum. Context is important!

Many circumstances make it difficult for women (or any abused partner) to walk away from their situation, and the comment about them "not being chained to the floor" is offensive in its disrespect and flagrant ignorance. This an excellent resource that answers the "why doesn't she just leave?" question so often posed to and/or about victims. Also check this out for more information. I personally hate this question because it blames, shames, and disenfranchises victims, though I understand where it comes from (because I once asked it too).

I commend Jenn, Chay, Linh and the other SHEEC planners that were there and handled this as gracefully as they could given the circumstances. Thank you for positively representing SHEEC and doing damage-control, for letting those two girls know that you respected their right to have an opinion and their desire to share it, but that they did not have to attack other performers to express them. I also want to thank the performers for weathering that storm and for reaching out to us after the event with very touching emails.

Having a conversation or constructive dialogue is not the same as being argumentative and rude. Debating a point is not the same as attacking a group of people and not listening to their defense. Constructive criticism is no the same as ignorant remarks made to shame others and devalue their experiences. Learn the difference, Lisa and Cate, and then try again. We're willing to listen if you are.

SHEEC is a group that was made to address issues of gender, sex, sexuality, and all the things that go along with it. This means we aren't going to shy away from difficult conversations, controversy, and tackling the taboos. In fact, it means we're more likely to address them because we come from a place that sees addressing those topics as a PRESSING NEED instead of as something to be avoided. We want to make people feel challenged and productively uncomfortable while also nourishing those who need it and providing support for folks marginalized due to their sexuality or desires. If you are looking for a "safe" group that doesn't push envelopes, this is not it.

I Think I Might Be Pregnant...

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 06:19:00 +0000

I might be pregnant. I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend and I'm about 5 days late (I'm pretty regular). I have NO idea what to do about it. I consider myself Pro-Choice, but I'm also a believer that things happen for a reason? I'm very confused. While I believe it is every woman's right to choose what she wants to do with her body, I feel that if I were to choose aborting this hypothetical child, it'd be selfish that another being got denied life because I was too careless to prevent it.

Hi Anonymous! It's normal to feel confused, especially around a situation like this. Because you're already 5 days late, I'm assuming this sexual contact was more than 5 days ago and thus taking emergency contraception wouldn't do much. So, my suggestion would be to first assess your risk (to see how likely it is that you are pregnant), and then take a pregnancy test ASAP to check it out. In my opinion, you don't need to think further ahead until you have the results and facts more concretely; over-thinking the possibilities will probably just stress you out. First of all, though, remember that many things can throw off your cycle, including changes in diet, stress-levels, and exercise...it doesn't have to be a pregnancy.

In terms of assessing risk, I'd ask you a few questions

Did he ejaculate inside of your vagina (or on your vulva)? If yes, there is a chance you could be pregnant.
Did he pre-cum inside of your vagina? If yes, there's a possibility, but it's fairly slim. Pre-cum doesn't contain sperm unless there was a previous ejaculation and the guy didn't pee between ejaculating and pre-cumming; then the sperm comes from semen still in the urethra.
Did you engage in any activity that could've led semen to enter your vaginal canal (e.g. anal sex with bf ejaculating)? If so, there is a chance of pregnancy.

Like I said before, it's perfectly normal to feel confused and even feel at odds with your political beliefs/thoughts. Remember, though: being pro-choice doesn't mean automatically having to get an abortion; it means considering the options and having the freedom to pick the one that best suits you in a variety of ways. Keeping a child or putting it up for adoption doesn't make you any less of a pro-choicer (or feminist, if you ID that way). There are support groups, message boards, counselors, and a variety of folks available to talk you through these thoughts and situations. See what resources you have at your disposal. Be wary of crisis pregnancy centers, though--many are anti-choice/pro-life and use scary rhetoric that doesn't actually give you all the information you need to make an educated choice about what to do if you're actually pregnant.

After assessing your risk, I'd suggest a pregnancy test ASAP. (The longer you wait, the narrower your options get for dealing with it.) They have them at drugstores and some HS/college health clinics, but access to them depends on your location. Some places even offer them for free! I could perhaps help point you in some direction if I knew your area? Feel free to private-message me or email me, if you want! If you can't access them or don't feel comfortable doing so, perhaps asking a friend would work? Some folks even ask strangers because there's little investment in their opinion! While pregnancy tests are not infallible, they can at least give you a preliminary answer. I'm a fan of always taking two tests just in case (one a few days after the other). For more info on how to do them, how they work, and all that, click here.

You can choose to mention that you're going to take a pregnancy test to your boyfriend, but you can also choose to do it without notifying him. Depending on how you feel about your relationship and how long you've been going out, you may feel a need to talk through this with him (before, during, and/or after), but it's also perfectly fine for you to take care of yourself first. Bottom line, though: you don't have to go through any of this alone, and you get to decide who you talk to--find someone who will be helpful, respectful, and supportive. If you're in the US or Canada, you can call Planned Parenthood's hotline (1.800.230.PLAN), the NAF hotline (1.800.772.9100), and/or Backline (1.888.493.0092).

If for some reason you feel you need another test or another opinion, you can try to visit a local Planned Parenthood or any sort of clinic with access to a physician, and OBGYN, and/or some sort of professional that can either perform a fluid (urine/blood) test or do an ultrasound.

So, post-test, if you AREN'T pregnant, this is a good opportunity to think through what you would've done if you had been. It can be something to bring up with your boyfriend, and something to keep in mind next time you are thinking of how to protect yourself against pregnancy. Maybe using another birth control method could be useful? Maybe making up some rules regarding contraception and when you can have sex? Who knows. If you ARE pregnant, you should learn about your options so you can make the best decision for you. The short-list would be: put it up for adoption, keep it, or abort it. You don't have to make the decision immediately, but definitely be aware of your time-frame!

(Now, this is my VERY PERSONAL VIEW on others bringing life into this world and by no means do I wish to impose it on you; I wish to merely share it in an attempt to provide perspective.) I'm someone who considers overpopulation and the fact that we have so many kids in the foster system already when thinking of bringing new life into the world. For someone who does not want a child and/or feels unprepared to (and/or cannot) care for one, I feel it's best to put it up for adoption or to abort it. Due to the aforementioned issues, I believe that if a fetus is going to grow into a baby, then it should be born into a space that can nurture it, and it's often more sensical to pursue abortion rather than adoption when such a space can't be provided/secured.

It's not an issue of being selfish or not, especially now; this fetus is something that can grow only if you help it grow, and you have the choice to make that happen or not, and to decide what will come of that. Personally, I don't think it makes you selfish to not keep it, but in the end, the opinion that truly matters is your own. At the end of the day, you should make the choice that, given everything, is best for you and you can safely make.

For more information, feel free to contact me again + please check out the amazing Scarleteen resources on this topic.

A Paragraph on Sex-Positivity: GO!

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 10:12:00 +0000

At its core, sex-positive individuals like myself see sexuality as a potentially joyful and productive aspect of human life, one that should not be rooted in shame and relegated to whispered conversations. I find it such an important and boundary-breaking way of looking at the world because it doesn’t dictate specific courses of action so much as it promotes comprehensive education and the availability of options for people to make their own decisions. Thus, there is no “one correct” way of experiencing pleasure and/or expressing one’s sexuality, but instead plenty of room for nuance, fluidity, and difference. For me particularly, sex positivity is deeply tied to ideas about feminism, anti-oppression work, and notions of intersectionality; it’s about the individual, but also the community. Bringing a sex positive attitude into practice means striving for the liberation of individuals from structural forms of oppressive control—recognizing that these don’t play out in the same ways for everyone—and asserting the right of people to pursue their sexual pleasure in ways that feel right for them, as long as they do so in a consensual, informed manner.

Tumblin' Into Self-Love

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Wed, 11 May 2011 16:12:00 +0000

The media is everywhere, dictating what we should do, buy, eat, and think. It’s also dictating, subtly and not-so-subtly, how we should look in order to be appreciated and desired. Because we live in a media-heavy world that (overall) uses racist, ableist, sizeist, sexist, homophobic, distorted images in marketing, many people don’t see themselves as represented (or at least not fully). Certain bodies and communities don’t get attention, and if they do, it’s usually negative on some level. Furthermore, based on what’s perpetuated, many people see themselves as flawed and unattractive, creating a barrier to establishing loving, intimate relationships with others and with oneself.

So how can we disrupt the constant signal from mainstream media and learn to love ourselves more? How can we undo some of the damage that has already been caused? Smashing the entire advertising industry and all forms of media is not the immediate solution. There are steps we can take, smaller but meaningful, that involve our media more carefully and surrounding ourselves with positive images and empowering messages.

There are havens for different types of bodies and niches for all sorts of desires and communities out there, and one of those places can be Tumblr.

So what’s Tumblr?
Tumblr is a blogging platform where users can post text, videos, audio, links, images, and quotations to their “tumblelog” and other users can “follow” them. Every member has a “dashboard” where all the posts from the people they follow are aggregated, making staying up to date with other users quick and easy. Its focus isn’t on personal, “journal-like” entries (though those certainly exist in great numbers), but instead on “microblogging” and sharing interesting content. Essentially, Tumblr is both a place and the medium for collage-creation; Tumblr provides the cyber-territory as well as the content that people can use to paste information and build networks.

What makes this different from Livejournal, Wordpress, Blogger...?
Unlike other platforms that focus more on the individual’s story (e.g. Livejournal), Tumblr focuses on sharing and dialogue. Due to Tumblr’s structure, it functions as a big social hub for people all over the globe. I think the key is its “reblogging” feature, which allows users to put someone else’s content on their own tumblelog. This, in turn, not only spreads content rapidly (making certain things go viral immediately), but also allows for dialogue between users (when people reblog others’ content and then add on comments and/or more information) that spreads commentary beyond the place where it originated.

And how does this relate to self-esteem?
By making conscious choices about which blogs to follow, people can essentially curate their own little empowerment stream. By providing people with a constant flow of content on their dashboard, Tumblr can help people grow more comfortable with and/or accepting of certain bodies and communities. Like I mentioned earlier, Tumblr can also open up dialogue and facilitate community-building/networking, so people can discuss and come together via this platform. The “dark” side of this is that people can isolate themselves and create a “bubble” that some say excludes and marginalizes as well. However, I’m not advocating for Tumblr to become the one and only tool for consciousness-raising that’s supposed to build community and expand minds and achieve world peace...I’m saying that people can use Tumblr as productive tool to help them in a larger project of self-loving and appreciation.

So where do I go from here? How can I use this tool?
Join Tumblr and follow blogs that you find empowering--blogs that show people like you and/or those that you find attractive. By surrounding yourself with self-selected, positive content, you’ll be able to undo some of the damage that mainstream media has potentially caused, see bodies and opinions that are otherwise invisible, and get in touch with like-minded individuals. Be warned, though, that like any other place where people can post content, you may find certain things offensive and/or triggering, so practice self-care and be aware of what you’re clicking (or what to do in the event that you click something unpleasant). Take the opportunity to also step outside yourself and beyond your comfort zone. Because we all have multiple identities, it’s likely that by following even like-minded individuals, you’ll be exposed to new things that might push your boundaries and/or expand your horizons.

Now that I have Tumblr, how do I start building an empowering dashboard?

Take advantage of the fuckyeah[insert noun].tumblr.com phenomenon. Basically, these Tumblrs are repositories for the things they advertise on their URLs (so fuckyeahfreckles would have tons of content related to freckles). There are many useful ones that relate to body image, self-esteem, appearance, sex, erotica, and more! If you want to check for FYs, search for them here: http://isitafyeah.com/. If your desired FY blog doesn’t exist, create and curate it!

Look at the Followers Lists for small blogs you find empowering. You can do this with bigger blogs, too, but the more well-known the blog, the harder it will be to sift through followers to find ones that directly appeal to you. Another variant of this is to look at the people who have liked or reblogged certain posts you find empowering and inspiring.

Explore Tumblr (http://www.tumblr.com/explore) by clicking on categories or by searching for specific tags (e.g. lace, empowerment, sexy, food, etc.).

Get To Know Your Body: Part II (How to be a Better Patient)

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 00:11:00 +0000

As a follow-up from my last article, discussing the importance of knowing one’s body and being more educated regarding health, here I bring you a list of tips and advice regarding how to interact with the medical establishment as it relates to one’s own body/health:

Follow doctor’s orders, but if you choose to disregard/modify them, make sure you’re taking informed risks. It’s foolish to assume all patients follow all directions ALL THE TIME. Assess your risks if you’re going to disregard a rule so you can make a truly informed opinion. Don’t believe everything you read online, though the ‘net can be a terrific resource. Trust articles in peer-reviewed journals more than random websites. To be a better consumer of information, you’ll need to up your media literacy skills (but that’s another post entirely). Regardless, as much as you can manage, follow your doctor’s orders!

Be honest with your practitioners. Don’t hide things from them because you’re ashamed or think they might judge you. Whatever the awkwardness, it’s more important to tell them the truth because that information is what will help them take care of you.

If you don’t like your doctor, get a new one. However, don’t confuse “don’t like because they’re incompetent or they make me uncomfortable” for “they sometimes tell me things I don’t want to hear and might be more strict than I want them to be.” Feel free, though, to shop around for a doctor that resonates with you, your personality, and your particular budget/insurance.

Don’t assume “no news is good news.” Doctor’s offices are often swamped, and it’s your responsibility to remember when to get (or at least ask for) your test results.

Before going in for a procedure, look online and talk to your doctor to learn what to expect. This is especially helpful when dealing with first time exams, particularly pelvic and prostate exams. It will help you know the timeline and what will happen, so it might help assuage stress. It can also help you catch if something’s missing! Did the doctor forget to give you something or do a certain procedure? Politely ask them about it, and why they chose not to do it. If you approach it tactfully and not in a condescending or impatient manner, it can be a way to show you’re invested in your health and have done your homework.

Give more information, rather than less. This doesn’t mean bore your doctor with the minutiae of your life, certainly, but that doctors sometimes need more information than we give them. If you think it MIGHT be related to your health, mention it just in case (for example, if you’re taking up a new intense sport, a friend passed away, you’re starting a new diet, etc.). You should also try to be concise, but not at the expense of important details. This is a process of trial and error, and the more you learn about how your body relates to your health and daily activities, the better equipped you’ll be to make these decisions about what’s relevant in the future.

Inspect your body and get in touch with it (literally and figuratively). I’m not saying you need massage oils, Celtic music, and a warm bath (though those can be lovely); I’m just saying pay attention to your body, feel it out, and look for changes. You can only tell when something is deviating from its normal state if you KNOW that normal state is in the first place. Don’t be afraid to touch yourself (again, literally and figuratively); consider it an investment in your health and future.

If you feel strange or develop a lump, a body of symptoms, pains, etc., WRITE IT DOWN. Keep a log of what you’re feeling and when it started, so when (and if) you have to talk to your doctor, you can give them a better picture of what’s going on and how long it has been a certain way.

Be potentially willing to educate your doctor. Though doctors receive a LOT of schooling, there’s a lot of information they still need. Especially when it comes to “alternative lifestyles” or structurally-oppressed groups/minorities, many doctors don’t have the skills and knowledge to treat them in sensitive, aware ways. Not everyone has the privilege/luxury to pick whatever doctor they want or see a doctor that fits their particular needs, so they’ll be in a position in which they need to deal with the hand they’re dealt and educate their practitioner. There are many online and print resources that you can make available to them, so you don’t have to harness all this knowledge on your own! It’s an unfortunate situation, especially for those who are usually placed in a position where they have to educate people around them regarding their identities/lifestyles, but until the structures that build these conditions are addressed and changed, it’s either a choice between educating a doctor or receiving sub-par and potentially inadequate care.

Be aware of language differences and particularly loaded terms. If a doctor asks if you’ve engaged in “risky behavior,” ask what they mean. If a doctor asks if you’ve “used protection during sex,” ask what they mean. These are vague questions loaded with assumptions and, not only is that problematic in itself, it can lead to misinterpreting the question and answering in a way that might sound/feel truthful, but doesn’t get at the meat of the discussion. Know that words you use might not be interpreted in the same way by doctors (especially when it comes to sexual health and sexual activities!).

Check on your family medical history. This is especially helpful when assessing risk factors and patterns of disease! If you are in touch with your biological parents or biological relatives, ask them for their medical history (or records, if they have them). If you’re not in touch with your biological family, start keeping records of your own; these can benefit potential future generations.

Voice your concerns and ask questions. Doctors aren’t mind-readers. If there’s something making you uncomfortable, tell your doctor. If you need to think about it and organize your thoughts beforehand, that’s fine, but make sure to let them know at SOME point. Like any other relationship, a doctor/patient one needs communication, especially because your health depends on it!

Remember what you discussed during the visit. Either ask them to write it down for you or bring a little notepad (or whatever writing device is useful for you). If you have issue with your sight or just prefer things that are audible, bring a small tape-recorder or something like it.

Educate yourself regarding STI-testing. Again, many doctors generally have a limited background in sexual health, so make sure to educate yourself, especially regarding new technologies, tests, and research. “Recommended” tests are based on statistics and population analyses regarding infection rates, but you should ask for tests based on your own sexual history and level of risk/concern, so look up information about those before going into the office. This is crucial for those who are non-monogamous (whether openly or clandestinely) and those who are LGBTQ, since doctors sometimes operate under a model that assumes heterosexuality and monogamy. As I mentioned earlier, language is also important, so make sure you and your provider are very clear about what you’re discussing (e.g. “sex” might mean “penis-in-vagina intercourse” to some people, while it may be a broader category for others).

More specifically, related to certain practices/tests:

Don’t go to the OBGYN while you’re menstruating. It makes it much harder and messier to do proper check-ups.
If you’re going to get a pap-smear, refrain from intercourse for at least 24 hours.
If you’re getting a physical, try to schedule it during NON-winter months, since by then, doctor’s offices are full of flu-ridden people. Read: they’re busier and you’re more likely to get sick, too.

Fond Telluride Memories

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 20:20:00 +0000

For those of you who have no idea what Telluride, TASP, or CBTA mean:

Telluride Association: Founded in 1911 by LL Nunn, Telluride Association is a nonprofit organization that creates and fosters educational communities that teach leadership and service through democratic participation.

TASP: A Telluride Association Summer Program (TASP) is a six-week educational experience for high school juniors that offers challenges and rewards rarely encountered in secondary school or even college. Each program is designed to bring together young people from around the world who share a passion for learning. Telluride students, or TASPers, attend a seminar led by college and university faculty members and participate in many other educational and social activities outside the classroom.

SO. These are excerpts from my CBTA application essays (read: my application to live in the Telluride House if I attended Cornell)

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The no-draping policy. I'm not clear on how prohibitive this policy is, but I think it's a little silly. As far as I know, our factota were supposed to stop whatever draping they saw...something like that. Personally, I feel that draping helped us bond even more! You can ask almost any TASPer and I bet my left shoe that they will tell you the same thing. Our draping wasn't sexual; it was just fun and comfortable. Plus it was fun to have pillow/blanket fights and jump on people (being careful to not kill anyone, of course). We were also fond of sleeping anywhere BUT our rooms, and if we did sleep in our rooms, it was almost always because we were a) very tired or b) having a sleepover. Our factota encouraged us to sleep in our own rooms, but our sleepovers caused no harm at all. Actually, I do believe said sleepovers cut down on exclusivity to a certain extent because everyone was together, :P.

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After meeting one of the girls in my seminar because she was also from Puerto Rico, I grew even a little more nervous. She was nice and we had things in common, aside from our mother-country, but she’d said she was apprehensive about TASP because it seemed a lot more “nerdy” than another summer program she’d attended the previous year. I left that rendezvous desperately hoping that the people wouldn’t be snobbish, obsessed with their grades and status, and/or condescending. I guessed that they had to be interesting to have been chosen for TASP, so I put my worries in the back of my mind and trusted the committee who selected the students.

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Before I get into the positive criticism, suggestions, and all those things, I really want to make you all comprehend the impact that TASP had on my life. Let me start off by saying that I had NEVER been exposed to such intelligent, dedicated, and incredible people in my LIFE. My school is small, we have about 700 students from Nursery to 12th grade, and I live on a street inhabited mainly by old people, so my contact with a lot of people my age was limited to school. Thanks to extracurricular activities I did get to meet people outside my school-circle, but that’s somewhat of a recent development. For most of my life, my friendships revolved around my school. I had NEVER befriended someone who was Asian or Indian and I had never heard of the Amharic language. My goals for college were existent, but not too well-defined; I knew I wanted to study Communications, but I’d never really looked up colleges or done much research. I had planned to go to Ball State University in Indiana and that was basically it.

Thanks to TASP, my horizons broadened so much. The other students inspired me to strive for more and not settle for Ball State because I had enough potential to get into better and more competitive schools. I developed a network of friends who could advise me about thing related to colleges and standardized tests, or basically anything that I needed guidance on, because they were undergoing the same things as well; they knew all about college, the admissions process, etc, because they’d been educated about it early on and they knew what they were doing, while I was treading on somewhat unknown ground. Aside from the fact that I found people whose goals were similar to mine and who wanted to study in the US (most of my classmates will be staying in Puerto Rico for college), they were all unbelievably fun and interesting. We had deep, philosophical discussions that came naturally and sleepovers where we all bonded and had fun blanket/pillow fights. We had themed dinners and crazy games of Sardines at midnight when mere hours before we’d been tackling each other up at North Campus in games of Capture The Flag.

In essence, my six weeks at TASP were like a little slice of utopia. At the end of my stay there, I felt that Telluride House was my home and I didn’t want to go back to Puerto Rico. Though I love my island and I missed having my own bathroom (HYGIENE! HOW I LOVE THEE!), I couldn’t see myself ever being the same person again. I couldn’t think about how strange it would be to wake up back in my own bed, NOT surrounded by TASPers… about how it would feel to eat without having to stand in line and chatting along the way. How I wouldn’t have 31 other teenagers in the same house to share things with, to go out to coffee shops and have late-night discussions with. I’d have to get back to my regular sleeping schedule and leave behind the crazy meals at midnight and 4 AM. There would not be glasses randomly placed around the house, filled with semi-sweet chocolate chips. There would be no Great Nunnsense Board. There would be no glorious sunsets from the balcony and no ballsy squirrels coming into the house. There would be no Housemeetings and no Pubspeaks…

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I came out of TASP as an improved version of myself. Because of TASP, I feel empowered and determined, focused and willing to take on the world. I’m ready to go out there and conquer my dreams. I have a LOT on my plate this senior year, but I’m organized and working hard to get where I want to be and do what I want to do. I know I’ve stated that I’ll never forget this experience and used the word “amazing” and its synonyms about a gazillion times, but I can’t stress it enough and I don’t think that someone who hasn’t been at one of these summer programs could ever understand the magnitude of its importance and impact in my life and the lives of the other teens that attended. However, at least I can humbly attempt to convey my thoughts about it and let outsiders have a little glimpse into what TASP was and how much it meant to everyone.

NOM's Tour Mastermind NOW SUPPORTS CIVIL MARRIAGE EQUALITY!

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 16:28:00 +0000

LOUIS MARINELLI NOW SUPPORTS

OUR CIVIL MARRIAGE EQUALITY!

Yes, you read that correctly. While still not in full support of homosexuality on some levels (where he needs our help to correct misinformation), Louis is now [a] repudiating virtually all of the vitriol that he put on the public record; [b] is owning up to the major role that he's played with NOM, including admitting that he was the impetus behind the whole summer tour; and [c] is coming out in full support of the civil marriage rights that gay people are seeking. And even more important that that: He, the man who gave NOM its official "protect marriage" Facebook page and who has been working as an independent contractor with the org. ever since (and still is, reporting directly to Brian Brown, at least up until the moment this post goes live), quite literally credits exposure to the NOM tour as the very thing that led to his change of heart!!!!!

NOM'S TOUR MASTERMIND,

FACEBOOK FOUNDER,

AND ONLINE STRATEGIST,

LOUIS MARINELLI, NOW SUPPORTS

OUR CIVIL MARRIAGE EQUALITY!

THE MUCH-BALLYHOOED SUMMER

MARRIAGE TOUR 2010

OPENED HIS EYES!

Source: HERE! Click through for more information, including an interview with Louis!

Response to Ridiculous TFP Article

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 04:43:00 +0000

Want to read the article I'll be dissecting? Click here.

What we faced today at Brown University, an Ivy League university, had the flavor of a religious persecution. As we peacefully campaigned, about 250 frenzied pro-homosexual students gathered to scream, spit, taunt, insult, assault, and even attempt to destroy our traditional marriage banner. Only with supernatural protection, and a strong police presence, did TFP volunteers manage to complete the campaign without serious injury.

I'd say religious persecution indeed, but the persecutors were TFP volunteers--those who came to our campus waving banners proclaiming their views on "traditional marriage," upsetting, frightening, and alienating members of our LGBTQ and LGBTQ-friendly population, handing out pamphlets saying we were going to hell, listing all the reasons why we were "wrong" and "sick."

I'd amend their paragraph to say "pro-LGBTQ rights" students. What primarily rallied us together were our feelings about civil rights--a desire for equality, especially in relation to same-sex marriage.

We didn't gather to "scream, spit, taunt, insult, assault" -- we gathered to counter-protest. There is a difference between "screaming" and "chanting," by the way. In any massive crowd of people incensed by a political/personal issue such as this, you will ALWAYS get people who get rowdy or don't behave in the most tactful manner. However, to pretend like most (or even MANY) Brown individuals were "out of line" is a flat-out falsehood. Similarly, implying that without the Brown police and "supernatural protection," there would've been a threat to the TFP volunteers' bodily integrity and that only thanks to police were they not seriously injured is ludicrous. Finally, comparing the behavior and "united front" of a TINY contingent (12-15 people at most) of people who are TRAINED in protesting and are doing this as part of a national tour to hundreds of passersby, students, staff, and others who impromptu gathered on Brown's campus due to the presence of TFP is A TERRIBLE, INACCURATE, UNFAIR comparison.

I also need to mention that our central quad is NOT public property and that TFP's campaign/protest/hatefest invaded our campus without permission.

I'm pretty sure no one spit ON protestors. What I witnessed and got captured on film was that some people received pamphlets from TFP, tore them up, then spit on THE PAMPHLETS.

Suddenly, a loud thud-rip noise was heard. I looked up and saw a pro-homosexual student literally crashing through our traditional marriage banner, attempting to destroy it. Running at top speed, he flung himself into it and ripped one side loose. Some students watching from a distance approvingly cheered the act of violence.

That's true, and I think that student was extremely misguided in what they did. It was inappropriate on many levels and should never happen again.

"Why are you here?" many students asked. We politely told them how the TFP was on a state-wide tour defending traditional marriage. They would just stand there in a sort of daze, and repeat the question again: "But why are you here?" Some of them just couldn't believe it.

Of course they couldn't believe it. For some people, it's hard to think that at a generally liberal, tolerant location such as Brown University, there would be such a protest. Being at Brown sometimes shields people from the cruel realities of the world, such as rampant homophobia, so it's jarring to see that homophobia and hatred right in the center of our campus grounds. Furthermore, it must've been a case of confusion due to the fact that TFP is not a student group and did not request to be on Brown's campus, so they had no permission to be there and people were wondering why/how they were there.

TFP volunteer Mr. Danniel Pribble debated with one pro-homosexual student, illustrating how the acceptance of homosexual vice leads to the acceptance of pedophilia. In fact, during a recent session in Canadian parliament, experts claimed that pedophilia is a "sexual orientation." / "What moral grounds do you stand on to oppose pedophilia, once you've accepted homosexual behavior?" asked Mr. Pribble. "You're right," answered the student. "I don't have any substantive objection with pedophilia."

The conversation about pedophilia is a very complex one that usually gets many parties riled up. It's also completely irrelevant to this event and its purpose, and the comparison of accepting homosexuality and accepting pedophilia is a stupid one. I'll point out the biggest hole: pedophilia involves minors, people who are unable to legally consent to sexual activity, while homosexuality, as long as it's between CONSENTING adults, is exactly that--consensual. Anyway, the opinion of ONE student on pedophilia is by no means representative of the LGBTQ community at Brown or any group, for that matter.

As Mr. James Bascom distributed pro-family literature, a woman with a rainbow ribbon on her lapel said: "You're being so intolerant!"/ "Why don't you tolerate us?" inquired Mr. Bascom. "So tolerance is a one-way street, then?" / "Yes, yes. It is," said the woman. It became amply clear that free speech at Brown University is not free and that the opposition would do everything they could to silence our message of truth: that marriage is between one man, and one woman.

This argument keeps coming up, and it's still ridiculous every time. Being "tolerant of intolerance" DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. Long story short: tolerance doesn't have to be awarded to groups that advocate hatred and keeping sections of our population as second-class citizens. Finally, the TFP message isn't "a message of truth"--it's a message of OPINION that disguises itself as a "message of truth."

By now, the number of pro-homosexual students increased to about 250. The pitch of their screaming intensified too, and in the chaos, one of our youngest volunteers, Zachariah Long, 17, was spat upon in the face.

I am SO very doubtful that this happened, so very doubtful.

Approaching Zachariah, one student said: "Can I shake your hand? Because it takes a lot of courage to be out here." Another added: "This is great! But, I'm going to go right now before something happens. Keep up the good fight. Thanks for being here. It takes a lot of guts. It's really brave."

If ONE more person says "Oh wow, it's really brave to be conservative at Brown," I swear I'm going to have a conniption. Since when is it oh-so-brave to spout hatred and claim opinions as facts? It's about as brave and informed as going into a room full of women and saying "YOU SHOULD ALL BE IN THE KITCHEN MAKING ME DINNER." Oy. Bravery is in the eye of the beholder, I guess, though, so what might be "brave" to some, others might just call "stupid" (e.g. facing off against a ravenous tiger just for fun, or protesting like this at Brown). Anyway, even if what TFP did was "brave" by some definitions, it's by no means positive, right, or something we should be admiring. I'd also like to point out the courage/bravery of all the COUNTER-protestors, as well as LGBTQ people in general.

On the other side of the intersection, Mr. Leo Fitzsimmons, a TFP supporter, explained why marriage is important: "marriage produces children. And there's no future without marriage. Same-sex 'marriage' does not produce children." This simple reality befuddled the student who responded with profanities. "God bless America," responded Mr. Fitszimmons. The young student, who looked like an American, was so upset that she yelled, "I'm not American!"

Marriage is important because it produces children? So should infertile couples not be allowed to marry? There's no future without marriage? Oh right, because adoption doesn't exist, no one is ever born outside of wedlock, people in same-sex marriages can't bear children if not biologically with their partner, and people have to be married and in love to propagate the human race...

Also, what is the need to talk about someone "looking like an American"? What does it mean to "look American"? THIS IS SO PROBLEMATIC. Do they men she looked Caucasian? And who CARES? This entire sentence is so riddled with problems, I don't even know where to begin. It's freaking me out.

Seeing the violent attitude of the pro-homosexual students, the police chief wanted to escort us to our van and ensure our safe departure. After completing the 1 hour and 30 minute rally in its entirety, we prayed three Hail Marys, shouted our motto "Tradition Family Property – America" and left. Policemen surrounded us on all sides and were assisted by a patrol vehicle on the street. A rowdy group of approximately 250 pro-homosexual advocates attempted to break through the perimeter to harass us. Without ceasing, they screamed obscenities and yelled in chorus over and over again: "God loves gays!"

The Brown police was there to make sure people protested peacefully and nothing got out of hand. MOSTLY, though, they were trying to make sure traffic kept flowing, no one got hit by a car (since the protest and counter-protest were getting huge and, towards the end, it all turned into a march), and that sidewalks remained clear at certain areas. It's not like they "wanted to escort" TFP to their van, but that it was part of their job to do so as part of the BROWN DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC SAFETY because they are there at all big events, especially protests.

Thank God, the police protected us as we packed our vans. But when we pulled away from the curb, many pro-homosexual students closed in to hit the sides of our vehicles with their fists or palms. A hard object, maybe a rock, was thrown against one of the vans.

I highly doubt something was thrown, but whatever.

Get To Know Your Body: Part I

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 21:15:00 +0000

No, really. Get to know it.

I feel everyone should be in touch with their body. Many individuals hand over their health to a practitioner and don't really check to see what they're being given and/or told (which can be a problem if the doctor filled out the wrong prescription or didn’t know something integral about the patient’s health that could affect their care). I find it terribly unfortunate that so many people don’t know what's going on inside them and lay their lives fully in health-care providers' hands. Not to say we shouldn't trust doctors, but to trust them blindly is a mistake. Healthcare is a two-way street and I think patients definitely have responsibilities to ensure that they’re getting the best care possible, partially because they have insider knowledge about their bodies/ailments AND because doctors aren’t perfect (did you know many of them receive less than one week of sex-ed as part of their professional training regimen?).

Patients need to know their bodies to better assist clinicians in collecting data to inform decisions about how to proceed in a medical setting AND they also need to educate themselves about the medical processes that are affecting them or COULD affect them (due to risk level, heredity, etc.). However, while I feel it’s somewhat irresponsible to just go to a doctor without knowing anything about one’s body or the medical care one is receiving (or hopes to potentially receive), I must acknowledge that not everyone has access to this sort of information. Heck, not everyone has access to the conversations that would even bring up the need for this type of preparation, never mind the actual information that would aid in it! For that reason, we need to not only urge people to get to know their bodies, but help provide systems that encourage it. We need an approach that deals with the individual, but also the structural issues that create (or help) body shame/fear/ignorance flourish.

With that said, it’s my hope that by personally promoting body-knowledge in certain circles and classes, it will become a more normalized practice and thus spread. Furthermore, there are many different levels of knowledge and awareness about these issues, so while not everyone has to have a PhD, we should all strive to cover as many bases as we can with the backgrounds and life situations in which we are enmeshed.

But back to the point: know your body.

Why? If a patient is unaware of what standard procedures are, what to look for in a provider, how to recognize warning signs for specific illnesses, how could they advocate for themselves and ask for what they need? How could they tell if their doctor forgot something, or if their doctor is incompetent (or, vice-versa, amazing)?

The reason I bring this up is because I’ve gone through some interesting patient/doctor interactions and I’ve reaped the benefits of my preparation. For example, I went to the OB-GYN a few years back and she was very impressed by my knowledge concerning HPV (Human Papilloma Virus), Gardasil (an FDA-approved vaccine that protects against certain strains of HPV), blood-work, and urinalyses. She repeatedly said how amazed she was that I understood all these terms and knew what was going on. I explained that I like knowing what I put in my body and understanding the things I'm told, so whenever I get a lab result, vaccination, or prescription, I look up information about it. For example, when we did my check-up, I talked about how I'd had my Gardasil shots and so I felt I wasn't super at risk for genital warts, but that I knew the vaccine only protected against certain strains--16, 18, 6, 11--though not all of them, BUT that 2 of those it covered were the ones that caused 90% of genital warts and the other 2 were the ones that caused 70% of cervical cancer. I also discussed that I was skeptical about having a UTI (which parts of my urinalysis seemed to point to) and we both concurred that it was probably just a contaminated sample, citing the number of bacteria and squamous epithelial cells as proof.

Because of this research and knowledge, I was able to ask things and explain some of my concerns while simultaneously pulling in facts to substantiate my questions and comments. I think this was the biggest thing for me, honestly; being informed helped me articulate better what I needed, thought, and was afraid of in a language that was meaningful and appropriate for the setting. Furthermore, it helped me realize when I was later dealing with an incompetent doctor!

Next: how to prepare to be a better-educated patient!

For Gloria Anzaldúa (in the vein of "Your Body Figured")

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 23:00:00 +0000

You were always a precocious little girl.

Bleeding before your time, red where only other colors should be.
Secret rags that you washed and hung on a low cactus, chest bound tight as if you were trying to shove everything back inside of yourself.

Did you ever feel special encased in those girdles?
Did you feel snug and protected, cradled like a little doll inside a chrysalis?
Or did you feel trapped, squeezed inside a too-small cocoon that was made by someone else—your mother-moth?

Stunted growth at twelve only affected your body; everything else kept expanding, including the pain. It made you dissociate—thoughts carried off somewhere else while your nerves screamed, energy coursing to your brain, telling you to do something. Years later, fibroids and fevers, body pulsating and rocking and drowning all at the same time. Everything floating out of you, concrete reality left behind, in a twist of fate, the tighter the pain and the girdles and the world coiled around you.

You were always a spiritual person.

Your name—a chant, a praise raised as a glory to whom?
In life, to your heritage: mestiza, a borderlands calling for a new consciousness.
Maybe now that you’re somewhere else you’d say the earth, warmed with dripping blood that haunted you for so long, blood that shamed parts of your body into hiding.

Your name made you a bearer of good news, a daughter of Eve and angels, unholy union that brought us all closer to peace through gospel-song. You would not be socialized into silence; you would rebel and write and claw at the privilege, the ground, and the barbed-wire fences meant to separate us. You focused on the gaps and the connections that you could create there, fashioned out of your own flesh, the bones in your back, a stairway to heaven constructed out of ribs. Your back, broken and rebuilt as a bridge for others to cross. Your innards scooped out to deal with the pain and the lumps, leaving a hole where you could finally live, where others could rest from the world. Dark and cavernous, you dove inside to write from the core. Yet there was still pain, its epicenters on your skin, drawn all over your body like tiny targets.

You were as groundbreaking as an earthquake.

They called you traitor, a cultural betrayer, for rocking the boat and exposing the rot, the soft underbelly—so pale from being hidden from the light. You knew what you were doing.

You knew you were born a queer.

Brown University Against Homophobia

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 03:09:00 +0000

After experiencing a "pro-traditional marriage" rally this past summer (at the hands of none other than The National Organization for [Opposite-Sex] Marriage in its disturbing nationwide tour), I was more than ready to deal with TFP (which stands for, wait for it: TRADITION, FAMILY, AND PROPERTY) coming to Brown's campus. (For background, please check the sources linked at the end of this post which provide coverage of the events that transpired.)

My feelings about the event were definitely mixed. On the bright side, I thought the response from people at Brown was tremendous. It was invigorating to see so many folks (and tons of heterosexual allies) showing their support, chanting, holding signs, donning rainbow flags, pins, and even blankets to demonstrate that TFP's message of intolerance and religious fanaticism wasn't going to be tolerated on our campus without, at the very LEAST, a counter-demonstration. I was glad we finally had one of these groups come to Brown while people were HERE and could do something about it (unlike, say, the Westboro Baptist Church Hate Machine a few years back, which came right after we all left for summer break). Plus any opportunity I get to wear my ROY G. B(I)V outfit is welcome!

On the not-so-bright side, though, I was upset by the fact that they stepped on my beloved campus spewing their hateful message. It's always somewhat scary (and really bizarre) to be surrounded by people who hate what my communities stand for and who legitimately think we're going to burn in some hell, who see our lives as revolting and horrible. It's personally offensive to be reminded that many people still consider us subhuman or sick or harmful to society. It's painful to be reminded that many politicians and state legislatures think same-sex marriage isn't necessary, or isn't a worthwhile cause/investment, and to know that so many people have suffered because their relationships haven't been acknowledged.

This isn't just about marriage, though. In what's known as a blue-state, in the heart of a liberal campus, we are yet again reminded that we are not considered equal citizens. Just as recently as 2009, Governor Carcieri vetoed a bill that would have added domestic partners to the list of people authorized by law to make funeral arrangements for each other. His reasoning? "This bill represents a disturbing trend over the past few years of the incremental erosion of the principles surrounding traditional marriage, which is not the preferred way to approach this issue." (Thankfully, this bill eventually passed in 2010.) Even more recently, in 2008 and 2010, Mr. Carcieri ALSO vetoed House Bill 7044/Senate Bill 2055 that would've added “gender identity and expression” to RI’s hate crimes statute. Reasoning? "Those who struggle with gender confusion deserve our compassion and understanding -- not laws that cement them into an identity which denies biological and objective reality." (This bill was just heard once again on Tuesday, so we'll see what happens now.)

While inside (or facing off against) any crowd of staunch conservatives, Republicans, anti-choice/pro-life people basically saying that I'm going to hell, that I'm a horrible, degenerate human being, that my family is ashamed of me, that I'm something that shouldn't exist, and even worse...I wonder...how many of these people do I pass by as I walk down the street? Does the cashier at CVS secretly hate these big things I stand for? What about the woman sitting next to me on the bus? My professors? Will I ever run into people who were at the protest and wrote horrible things that entirely misrepresented what happened? I'm all for finding connections with people and trying to get along on SOME level, even if we have fundamental differences of opinion, but when those bridges we've built are rickety and sometimes depend on ignoring REALLY big differences, you can't blame a girl for being nervous.

Anyway, just because I've gone through this type of thing before (again, this summer's anti-NOM protest was a perfect example), it doesn't make it any less infuriating. Like I told the Brown Daily Herald, I think the group came here, in part, to gain media attention. "Because it's a college and there's this idea that kids are wild and crazy, especially at Brown, they think they can find fodder for their anti-LGBTQ rhetoric." It pisses me off because I KNOW what their interest is, I KNOW what they're going to do with the footage. No matter how peaceful and "proper" we are, they will always spin it into something different. This past summer, NOM did the same thing, except our "battlefield" was the RI Statehouse.

If you want to see for yourself, just compare this NOM blogpost with this TFP blogpost. Similar? No surprise there. So many anti-LGBTQ/same-sex marriage folks use the SAME DAMN TACTICS each and every single time, it actually makes them easier to spot. NOM folks misrepresented attendance, artfully cut their sound-clips and videos, and basically tried to portray all the anti-NOM-ers as these wild, violent rainbow-wielding creatures who were going to hurt their children (both the ones at the rally and those all over America) and try to take over the world with their big, gay agenda of degenerate ideas.

*facepalm*

It's good to remind myself that there are many places in the world, even in my own backyard, that aren't like my LGBTQ-friendly, sex-positive circles. It reminds me why I have to continue doing the work that I do; there is still a lot of violence, hatred, shame, and misinformation in the world. The important thing here is that we will not give into their fear-mongering. We will stand and we will take action despite (or even because of) our fears and insecurities. As I said in an interview for the Brown Daily Herald: "We know they have a right to free speech, but if their speech is hateful, the Brown community will not stay silent."

******************************

Coverage in The Raw Story: "Anti-marriage equality rally overwhelmed by student counter-protest"
Coverage in Queerty: "Brown University Becomes Site Of Rhode Island Marriage Bagpipe Showdown"
Coverage in the Blog Daily Herald: "Crusaders for traditional marriage take over Waterman"
Coverage in the Brown Daily Herald: "Students rally against anti-gay marriage demonstrators"

And now, for the utterly laughable and entirely unfortunate coverage from the hate-group itself: "Video: Pro-Homosexuals at Brown University Respond to Peaceful TFP Rally with Violence"

[Update: As of 3/29, YouTube has removed the TFP video for some reason. Strange, but I won't complain. The less hate on the internet, the better.] While I could deconstruct the video, its tactics, its supporting group, and their horrible little mission, I'll instead leave you with a comment that someone on YouTube left in response to the TFP statements about provocation (TFP claims they weren't provoking the campus and were met with "shocking violence," among other things):

I think you would do well to look up the meaning of “provocation.” When bagpipe-playing, 20-foot-tall banner toting groups of people come to the place where you live to courteously inform you that you are going to hell and there is nothing you can do about it, I would be hard pressed to find anyone who would be pleased. There were no assaults; please, try to stick to the facts. And your victim rhetoric? Please. 20 seconds of feeling unsafe? Try a lifetime.

The Devil and Shelley Lubben

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 16:41:00 +0000

Shelley Lubben: The sketchiness around her, her work, and her "charity" is really intense. In short, she's an ex-porn performer turned anti-porn activist who runs a non-profit called the Pink Cross Foundation. In their own words:

Pink Cross Foundation is a faith-based IRS approved 501(c)(3) public charity dedicated to reaching out to adult industry workers offering emotional, financial and transitional support. We largely focus on reaching out to the adult film industry offering support to women and men. Pink Cross Foundation also reaches out to those struggling with pornography offering education and resources to recover.

Pink Cross Foundation also works to combat community deterioration due to pornography and prostitution through attempts to educate legislation in order to enforce health and safety laws within the pornography industry, to protect adult industry workers from sexually transmitted diseases and other job-related abuses, to ameliorate the secondary negative effects of pornography on the general public and to toughen laws to protect children from accessing online pornography.

However, I hope we all know that what someone CLAIMS to do and what someone ACTUALLY does can often be two very, very different things. As a 501(c)(3), the Pink Cross Tax Returns are public record. Check out toward what the money has gone! You can turn to one of the comments on this blog post that succinctly highlights it. Also, check out these LENGTHY exposés: Part 1-2 and Part 3. Want more? Check out this and this.

When you look at the numbers, it really seems like she's only marketing and helping HERSELF.

Personally, I have ZERO respect for this woman. Profiting from her fake desire to "help those stuck in the porn industry," placing the blame for her mistakes and situations on the porn industry and taking ZERO responsibility herself, spreading lies and misrepresentations to further her own agenda instead of providing clear facts in context, overacting to elicit "compassion" and show "how intense" her "struggle" was? Horrible, horrible stuff. As someone in academia and the sexuality field, I think what she's doing is damaging, irresponsible, WRONG, and utterly reprehensible.

Anyway, what this post was actually about--I wanted to let you know there's a documentary in the works about her! Parts 1 and 2 are HERE and HERE. P.S. RACISM ALERT. There's a lovely bit in Part 1 of the documentary where she discusses a client who was "a crazy Chinaman" whose penis was "too small" for a condom. She goes on to say he accidentally impregnated her and how horrible it was because she didn't want to "give birth to an ugly Asian baby." WHAT. She also does a marvelously insulting faux Chinese accent. Check it out. Way to go, interlocking systems of oppression.

Showing You Care in The Right Language: Part II

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 19:15:00 +0000

If you've read Part I, you're already familiar with the idea that humans receive and express love and care through 5 main avenues: physical touch, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, and quality time. Once you've learned what those 5 "languages" are, you can figure out which languages YOU use to express and/or receive love. Then, when you know what your needs are, as well as your partner's, you can begin to express your love in a fruitful way, and that's what this article will cover. Remember: to show love, you must do it in a way to which your partner will be receptive! Showing love is not about doing what's most comfortable for you, but what is most effective and loving for your partner!

Finally, maintaining a healthy & helpful cycle of check-ins to make sure all is running smoothly will guarantee that the love-train keeps chugging along during your relationship. At the end of the article, I'll also address this.

Note: Though this article will center on romantic pairings, much of this advice can be tailored to ALL sorts of relationships (yes, even the platonic one you may have with your TA!).

Some Tips for Showing Love in All the Languages

Physical Touch

While I could talk about big bedroom moves, touch is oftentimes a much more subtle art; there can be lots of variety depending on what you want to express and to whom. For romantic partner, or even close friends: is there a specific body part that they're self-conscious about? Sometimes expressing your appreciation for it through touch can work wonders (but be careful: sometimes self-consciousness runs too deep and a lot of attention can actually be harmful). Does your partner walk a lot? Offer them a foot-rub! If you're in public and don't want to get too affectionate, try placing a hand on the small of their back, locking pinkies, or brushing their shoulders as you pass them by. Holding hands can also be very powerful, especially as a means to show a variety of emotions, including concern and deep care. Experiment with a slew of affectionate gestures to keep your partner feeling loved in a lot of different situations! For non-romantic partners, pats on the back, firm handshakes, hugs, and other forms of contact can keep them feeling appreciated.

Quality Time

First of all, turn off your phone (or at LEAST set it on vibrate), step away from your computer/TV/electronic device, and focus on your partner. Give them your undivided attention. This is crucial for folks who need quality time. To ensure that this happens, planning weekly "date-nights" that you commit to can be helpful. These can range from all-day Saturday outings to Thursday-night home-cooked dinners, or even 1-hour lunch-breaks a few times a week; it's up to you & your partner to decide how often and how long these blocks of quality time have to be. Lock these into your calendar and honor them; don't just reschedule on a whim. Do activities that you both enjoy and allow you to spend time truly being present with each other (read: watching a movie probably rates lower on the scale than walking in the park and talking).

Gifts

Pay close attention to this person, and give them something based on your observations. Do they collect anything? Are they missing a vital rubber-ducky from their huge rubber-ducky collection? Are you on a trip and can you get them something cute from that location (bonus points if you can send it while you're still on that trip!) that shows more thought than a mere t-shirt or shot-glass? Is there something from their childhood that you could base a gift on? (For example, I had a torrid love affair with a character from an obscure Disney movie and my partner got me a figurine of the character for my birthday, as well as the DVD of the flick for the holidays). Sometimes practical gifts can also be helpful, and they can conveniently straddle the line between gifts & acts of service!

Acts of Service

The magic words are usually "Let me do that for you." Sneak a peek at your partner's to-do list for house-chores and surprise them by completing one or more of them. Vacuuming the carpet? Check! Doing the dishes? Check! Watering the plants? Check! The best things are those that will ease their burden, so don't waste time in helping them out with something that's completely irrelevant (e.g. perhaps color-coordinating their closet, while cute, is not a huge priority). For college students, it can be something like going to get their mail, printing out their big final paper and delivering it to their professor's campus box, getting them rolls of quarters for their laundry, taking out their trash, or printing their class readings for the week. With all of these things, though, make sure that your partner is okay with you doing them; while some folks appreciate service, there are certain tasks they want no one else to complete but them! If you don't want to ask right before doing something, have a conversation about what TYPES of things they're okay with you doing, so you have a general idea and can make calls based on that.

Words of Affirmation

Words don't always have to be spoken! Doing the clichéd, but still adorable, post-it note message system can work wonders. You can put a spin on it by leaving them in unexpected places (inside sock drawers, on ceilings, in the fridge, in closets, in shoes) or by giving unexpected compliments (mentioning that you noticed how the freckles on their arm align perfectly to mimic the Big Dipper can show your attention to detail!). This also works well with folks with whom you don't have a romantic relationship; sending a thank-you card in the mail in this digital age can give some folks the warm n' fuzzies. Another cool (and potentially anonymous) way of showing you care could be by creating an "event" in this person's calendar (be it paper-based or digital) to the effect of "National Celebrate How Awesome [Insert their name here] Is Day." There's also the tried & true method of simply verbalizing "I like/love/appreciate you!"

Keeping It All In Check

Dr. Chapman recommends doing regular "tank checks" throughout the week. By conceptualizing one's feelings of being loved as liquid filling an imaginary tank, one can develop a vocabulary to describe feelings in a very concrete way. If one's "love-tank" level is low, there's a need to fill it up! Through this metaphor and through the practice of checking the "tanks" regularly, partners can develop a habit of communicating about how they're feeling and what they need without resorting to passive-aggressive complaints or awkwardly worded pleas for attention.

A possible way to do this is to ask your partner "How is your love tank tonight?" If, on a scale from zero to ten (or whatever you devise), it is less than the maximum, ask them "What can I do to help fill it?" Then, follow through as best you can!

If yours is the tank that is feeling low and your partner hasn't asked you about it, take initiative and bring it up. Let them know how you feel, and have some concrete ideas that they can grab onto so they can help make you feel better. You could say something like "Hey, my love tank is feeling a little empty right now. I think some cuddling would make it feel fuller. Could we snuggle and watch a movie after dinner or something?" Remember to be realistic, and always try to come up with a few options just in case one or more of them aren't viable at the moment. Partners aren't mind-readers, and holding them up to unrealistic and unexplained expectations will only be a disappointment for everyone involved.

Showing You Care in The Right Language: Part I

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 20:00:00 +0000

Have you ever been in a relationship where you feel you're giving someone gallons of affection...and they don't seem to realize or appreciate it? Or worse: they complain that you're not showing them enough love? Before cursing your communication stars or complaining that your partner just doesn't "get it" and you couldn't be MORE loving, consider the following: maybe you're just not speaking the same language (love-language, that is).

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book "The 5 Love Languages," there are five main "languages" in which people can receive and express care. When people's languages for showing love are not compatible with the languages in which their partners receive love, all parties involved can feel at a loss. So how can you avoid having this happen? The first step is to learn what the love languages are! Then, you'll be ready to analyze and figure out which ones are yours and which ones are your partner's. (Stay tuned for part II where I'll talk about how to show your love in fruitful ways and how to keep a relationship love-steady.)

The Five Love Languages

Physical Touch

This is perhaps one of the most well-known languages, one of the "oh, that's obvious!" ones. It's that attitude of "it's obvious," though, that can lead to miscommunication with partners; not everyone enjoys touch to the same degree! Touch can encompass a wide range of expressions, too, from sexual contact to a totally platonic holding of hands while walking down the street to grab dinner; it's not just about the hot n' heavy. Touch can also embody a wide range of emotions: concern, care, love, comfort, excitement, happiness, the list goes on. For people whose primary love language is touch, feeling physically/spatially distant from their partner can be torturous, as their connections thrive with proximity.

Quality Time

For folks who are into quality time, that usually means turning off all electronic devices and having their partner's undivided attention. Chores, the day's stresses, kids, friends, ringing telephones, dirty dishes--all of these should take a backseat for a while. Showing someone love in this fashion means making them feel special and taken care of, so make sure you eliminate all distractions and keep your attention focused on them. For that same reason, try your best to minimize the number of postponed dates or cancelled engagements with them, since those can be extra hurtful. Also, when having a conversation, no matter how trivial, it can feel distancing to have a partner constantly checking their email or texting, so please pocket your phone!

Gifts

This is not about being materialistic, money-hungry, or obsessed with accumulating things! For folks who are into receiving gifts as a love language, the important thing is the thought behind the gift--the effort and attention to detail, rather than the fact that they're getting an object. Perfect gifts show their receiver that the giver knows them, is listening, and cares for them. For these folks, hastily-thought-up gifts, missed anniversary presents, and things of that nature can feel pretty terrible.

Acts of Service

Easing the burden on someone can be a truly meaningful act of love, and for those whose primary love language is "acts of service," it's one of the most meaningful of all. For those folks, something as seemingly "trivial" as having their laundry taken care of, or their dishes cleaned, can mean the world. Like with the language of receiving gifts, it's less about the actual object or thing being done/given, but the emotion behind it. While the burden being eased is a big draw, the fact that someone is taking the time to do them a favor is what really sets this person's heart aflutter. For that same reason, being flaky, lazy, unpredictable, and irresponsible when it comes to fulfilling obligations or doing tasks can really hurt and irritate your partner.

Words of Affirmation

For folks who are into words of affirmation, compliments can be everything. Kind words that show you appreciate them, that you're listening, that you validate their feelings...all of these can work wonders. For that same reason, be very mindful when critiquing your partner; watch your language carefully so you don't unintentionally hurt their feelings. This should be a general rule, of course, but for people who know their partners are particularly sensitive to words, this should be an even higher priority.

Figuring Out Your Love Languages

For how you express love, start off by asking yourself a few questions:

How do I usually express my love to others? When I want to show someone how much I value them, what do I immediately try to do? Does it vary depending on the person? What factors go into how I express my love? Does it vary when I'm in public versus when I'm in private?

For how you receive love, ask yourself the following:

When I feel unloved, what do I feel is missing? When I've been feeling unappreciated in the past, what have people done to cheer me up? In bad relationships, what do I usually complain about? What things have people done for me that have made me feel really good and appreciated?

Once you've answered these questions, you'll have a better idea of how you usually express love and prefer to have love shown to you. Remember: they don't have to be the same language (and they usually aren't!).

No-Cost Birth Control - SIGN THE PETITION

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 16:18:00 +0000

The Department of Health and Human Services is currently debating whether to make birth control available at no cost under the new health care law. Removing the economic barrier to birth control would have a major impact on young people's lives. Distributing condoms already makes a huge difference — and increasing access to no-cost birth control would have an even broader impact.

Are you interested in helping me get signatures? Email brownsheec@gmail.com!

Are you interested in SIGNING the petition? Email or comment with the following (FULL) information:

First Name
Last Name
State
Zip code
Email

[Review] Echo Dildo by Tantus

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 01:07:00 +0000

So I had been seeing this dildo in shops and online for a while. I didn't buy it, but oh how it tempted me. The gorgeous copper, the delicious purple, the...well, I don't really love the gold... But copper and purple, oh copper and purple! The dildos were so pretty! And girthy! And the swirls/swells looked terribly promising. So, before this dildo drove me crazy by popping up everywhere without me owning it, I finally decided to get it with the help of the wonderful folks at Fascinations. Now I'm the proud owner of a midnight-purple hunk of awesome.

Behold: the Echo dildo (with bullet-vibe!) by Tantus

Packaging:

The little vibrator!

Here's where you insert a bullet vibe...or a finger! Am I the only one who loves dildo finger-puppets? Anyone else? Anyone?

These pictures really don't do justice to the lovely color of this toy. Check out the images on the Fascinations site, definitely.

How does this contraption work, anyway?:

Depends on what you want to do with it, of course. To use with a partner, you can use it manually or put it into a harness for some strap-on fun. For playing with yourself, since it's somewhat flexible, it can work from pretty much any angle. For maximum stimulation of the G-spot or prostate, though, make sure that the ridges are facing in the direction of the person's front (same as if one were trying to manually stimulate the g/p-spot through a "come-hither" motion).

Other uses:

DILDOPHONE. (This gives new meaning to Lady Gaga's song "Telephone" and the line "Sorry, I cannot hear you / I'm kinda busy.") Also, dildo finger-puppets! Add some googly-eyes and voilá. I didn't take a picture to show you, so use your imagination.

Also, I wonder if it's doable to make Jell-O molds out of the plastic casing, or perhaps makeshift chocolate-lollipop molds if the plastic is properly treated/greased/something...? Someone should try this and let me know if it worked. Heck, I might just try this for Brown's Sex Week in March and report back on my findings!

Specs/Important things to note:

This toy is made out of Tantus' wonderful "platinum silicone" which is pliable yet sturdy. The dildo has some give, but it's not as soft and squishy as other toys (e.g. the Raquel). Super easy to clean, and very smooth (especially once lubed up), though the ridges provide resistance when using the toy in a penetrative fashion. Because it has the little hole for a bullet-vibe, it's a dual-action toy: you can use it as a vibrating dildo, or a non-vibrating dildo.

Total length is around 6.5 inches (insertable length: 5.5 inches) and the diameter is 1.5 inches. It's O-ring compatible and looks delightful in a harness (I'm partial to Spareparts harnesses because they come in lovely colors, feel like a dream, and are available in sizes that fit a wide range of people).

Since this is a silicone toy, use water-based lubricant with it OR slide a condom over it if using silicone-based lube.

Keeping it clean:

As with all silicone toys, there are a few ways you can clean them. In a pinch, just wash it with soap and water. To sanitize it for maximum cleanliness or for safely sharing with a partner, boil it for 5-10 minutes (remember to pull out the little vibrator if you do this!), wipe it down with a 10% bleach solution, or pop it on the top rack of your dishwasher.

Final Thoughts:

I FINALLY HAVE IT. VICTORY IS MINE.

You might also want to check out:

Tantus Charmer - Similar, but smaller and thinner.
Tantus Throb - Ridged, but in a vein-pattern instead of screw-like ridges

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - Sexuality educators set the record straight: “Talking about sexuality does not increase sexually transmitted infections” despite what non-experts report.

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 17:38:00 +0000

For Immediate Release
Sexuality educators set the record straight: “Talking about sexuality does not increase sexually transmitted infections” despite what non-experts report.

Contact:  Megan Andelloux
HiOhMegan@gmail.com
401-345-8685  

Contact: Aida Manduley
Aida_manduley@brown.edu
787-233-0025

In yet another attempt to shut down access to quality sex education, South-Eastern New England conservative advocates hit the sex panic button in a multi-state, email and phone campaign to colleges all over New England last week.

On February 3rd and 4th , certified sexuality educator and sexologist Megan Andelloux (AASECT, ACS) received word that numerous colleges and university faculty received a document stating that colleges who brought sex educators such as Ms. Andelloux onto their campuses were linked to the increasing rate of transmission of HIV in RI. Furthermore, among other misleading “facts” that were “cited,” the author of this bulletin claimed that Brown University was facing an HIV crisis, which is false.

Citizens Against Trafficking, the face behind the fear-mongering, spammed numerous local institutions from a University of Rhode Island account with its latest malicious missive that targeted specific individuals as well as Brown University. The author of the letter, Margaret Brooks, an Economics Professor at Bridgewater State, suggested that colleges and universities that host sexuality speakers, including those who are professionally accredited, are partly to blame for the four new cases of HIV which have been diagnosed amongst RI college students this year.

Ms. Andelloux states: "My heart goes out to those students who have recently tested positive for HIV. However, there is no evidence of any link between campus presentations on sexual issues and the spike in HIV cases. Rather, I would suggest that this demonstrates a need for more high-quality sex education to college students.“ It is unclear why people at URI or Citizens Against Trafficking, a coalition to combat all forms of human trafficking, is attempting to stop adults from accessing sexual information from qualified, trained educators. What is certain however, is that this Professor of Economics miscalculated her suggestion that a correlation exists between increased HIV rates in Rhode Island and the type of sex education these speakers provided at Brown University: one that emphasized accurate information, risk-reduction, pleasure, and health.

Barrier methods have been shown by the CDC to reduce the transmission of HIV and other STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections). Research has shown that when individuals have access to medically accurate information, are aware of sexual risk reduction methods, and have access to learn about sexual health, the number of infections and transmission of STIs decreases, pain during sex decreases, and condom use increases. The CAT circulated bulletin is blatantly misleading about many issues, and often omits information that is crucial to understanding the full picture of sex education at Brown and in Rhode Island.

When individuals who do not hold any background in sexuality education speak out in opposition because of their fear or prejudice, society becomes rooted in outdated beliefs and pseudo-science that do injustice to people everywhere. Furthermore, when those individuals personally and publicly attack those devoted to providing sex education with false and misinformed accusations, it not only hurts those who are defamed, but also the community at large.

We ask for an immediate retraction of the vilifying and inaccurate statements made by Ms. Margaret Brooks and Citizens Against Trafficking in their latest newsletter. We also ask that esteemed local universities such as URI and Bridgewater State continue to hold their employees to ethical standards of normal scientific inquiry and require that their faculty hold some modicum of expertise in a field of education before raising the public level of panic over it.

Megan Andelloux is available to answer any questions the press, Margaret Brooks, University of Rhode Island or Citizens Against Trafficking holds. Aida Manduley, the Chair of Brown University’s Sexual Health Education and Empowerment Council and Brown University’s is available to discuss the upcoming Sex Week and sexuality workshops held at Brown University.

Signed,
Megan Andelloux
Shanna Katz
Reid Mihalko
Aida Manduley

##########

Last-Minute Uninvitation: Shame on OSU

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 08:18:00 +0000

For those of you who haven't heard, Tristan Taormino (of sex-ed, puckerup.com, and feminist porn fame), booked to give the keynote speech at the Oregon State University Modern Sex conference (scheduled for February 15th and 16th), has been UNINVITED from the event. The university representative who uninvited her cited her "résumé and website" as the reason.

What?

You read right folks. A speaker who was booked to give the KEYNOTE talk at a conference was uninvited for the very body of work that made her worthy of being invited in the first place. But it gets messier. Read on for the story:

On October 28, 2010, organizers of the OSU Modern Sex conference booked Taormino to give the keynote talk; they confirmed the date and agreed to fees, and Tristan’s management received a first draft of the contract on November 1. That contract was incomplete and sent back to OSU for revisions. As with many negotiations, the contract was pending as all the paperwork got done, but in late December, OSU again confirmed Tristan’s appearance and conference organizers told her manager to purchase airline tickets, for which OSU would reimburse her.

On Tuesday, January 18, 2011, Steven Leider, Director of the Office of LGBT Outreach and Services contacted Colten Tognazzini, Tristan Taormino’s manager, to say that the conference had come up short on funding. Tognazzini told him that since the travel was booked and the time reserved, they could work with whatever budget they did have. Leider said that would not be possible: “We have to cancel Ms. Taormino’s appearance due to a lack of funding. It has been decided that OSU cannot pay Ms. Taormino with general fee dollars, because of the content of her resume and website.” At OSU, ‘general fee dollars’ include taxpayer dollars given to the University by the Oregon State Legislature to defray various costs. They differ from ‘student activity dollars,’ which are part of every student’s tuition and help fund student groups and activities.

Tognazzini spoke to a source at OSU who speculated that the University feared that when it went before the legislature in regards to future funding, legislators would use OSU’s funding of a “pornographer” on campus as ammunition to further cut budgets. This source, who wishes to remain anonymous, told Tognazzini, “I think they’re uninviting Tristan because they don’t want to have to defend her appearance to conservative legislators.”

Now, I won't talk about the politics of caving here and why it's a messed up situation from an ethical or sex-positive standpoint. Instead, I want to talk about this issue from the perspective of a student event-organizer at a university; I want to touch upon the process of organizing events and what that entails. Bringing in speakers isn't easy, especially if you're at state-sponsored institutions and trying to book people who are in some way "radical" or just not mainstream. I'm privileged because I attend a private institution that, in many ways, is very pro-student and fiercely + eloquently defends our freedom of expression and education (if the way administrators handled last year's KinkForAll Providence, Get Your Heart On: Sex Educator Showdown, and Sex Week 2010 issues with cranky conservative critics is representative of this). For those reasons, and because of my passion for quality sexual education & frank discussion about these things, I use that privilege to the best of my ability. I organize dozens of events for my campus and the community at large (I aim to make all the events I coordinate open to the public), but I couldn't do as much if I didn't have the support of my peers and University.

Mind you, when I say support, I don't mean Brown condones or accepts the things my speakers talk about, necessarily, but the University actively supports their RIGHT to say them and the importance of having a dialogue on campus--of showing different, empowering, and educational perspectives (many of which are also fun and very engaging, not just academic). Brown supports my rights as a student to be an activist, to fight for what I believe in, and to shape campus in various ways. For that, I am thankful. At the same time, I'm saddened that not everyone is in such a position. We see a case of this lack of support at OSU. From what I can see (and what I deduce), the organizers for the conference aren't the ones who decided to last-minute cancel on Tristan; the decision came from higher-ups who feared retaliation from those who control their funds. It is this fear that drives many decisions regarding comprehensive sex-education, and while it's a shame (and something I endeavor to help change), I can understand it. The job of a university administrator isn't easy, and we must understand why sometimes they're put in double-binds that force them to take actions like this one.

HOWEVER, organizers shouldn't confirm events or speakers for which they do not have funds definitely secured (or means for securing them), especially in cases like this. Furthermore, event-planners should have enough self-awareness and knowledge of their institution's policies to understand which speakers might be deemed "controversial" or "problematic," know what the system could do to them (e.g. cancel an event) & why they would have reason to, and have plans to handle situations if they arise. In those cases where one is attempting to bring someone who could be criticized by the opposition and cause problems, it's important to speak with university administrators and see what their stance is (ideally in writing!), so the ball doesn't get rolling on something that will have to be canceled at the last minute. Still, shit happens, and sometimes universities cave, stomping all over students' most carefully laid out plans in the process. In those situations, however, organizations (and universities) should be prepared to do SOME form of damage-control.

Honestly, my first question here would be "well, why were they planning on using the general fee dollars in the first place instead of the student activity dollars?"

While I'm not going to bash OSU for the decision to cancel Tristan's talk (though I don't agree with it, of course), I think it's shameful that they're not going to reimburse Tristan for the costs she has already incurred. While they hadn't signed a contract, they had been in negotiations and told her everything was set, and to reserve her plane tickets. If OSU is going to uninvite her, the least the could do is reimburse her. That would at least leave them with some amount of grace and dignity; as it stands, however, OSU's position is not one I can respect. Honestly, it's clumsy and unprofessional. I only hope that they rethink this and make the right decision, or at least one that's better than this one. While they may not be able to use general funds, there are many other ways to raise money, and the bodies responsible for booking Tristan should be responsible for figuring out a way to make this situation right.

Check out Tristan's full press-release here.

***
Note from Tristan:
Don't Let the Anti-Sex Conservatives Win!

If you support free speech and my mission of sexual empowerment, please voice your opinion about OSU’s decision to cancel my appearance at the last minute (and not reimburse me for travel expenses) to the following people. I would really appreciate your support —Tristan

Larry Roper
Vice Provost for Student Affairs
632 Kerr Administration Building
Corvallis, OR 97331-2154
541-737-3626 (phone)
541-737-3033 (fax)
email: larry.roper@oregonstate.edu

Dr. Mamta Motwani Accapadi
Dean of Student Life
A200 Kerr Administration Building
Corvallis, OR 97331-2133
541-737-8748 (phone)
541-737-9160 (fax)
email: deanofstudents@oregonstate.edu
twitter: @deanmamta

Dr. Edward J. Ray
President
600 Kerr Administration Building
Corvallis, OR 97331-2128
541-737-4133 (phone)
541-737-3033 (fax)
email: pres.office@oregonstate.edu

[Review] Icicles No. 8 Glass Wand by Pipedreams

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 20:40:00 +0000

Let's start the new year off right: with a review and a story (the two usually go together for me)!

I was not someone who meaningfully experimented with penetration before experiencing PIV/intercourse--not because of shame or fear, but because I simply wasn't interested. The ways in which I explored my body (and I started at around 11 or perhaps a bit earlier) were very outside-focused, and I derived enough pleasure to just not really care about my vagina. At the behest of a pseudo-ex, and the comments from a friend, I put one finger inside myself while I took a shower when I was about 14 or 15. I was entirely underwhelmed, and decided that I wasn't interested in going that route anymore.

Fast forward to now: I'm a HUGE penetration enthusiast. What exactly changed? Who knows. My body definitely goes through stages of what it finds most pleasurable, and somewhere along the line, in 2009, I found that penetration was no longer underwhelming. In fact, it was very, very far from underwhelming. Still, the thought of putting something hard and completely rigid into any orifice other than my mouth (and there we'd be talking about toothbrushes, cutlery, and things of that nature) seemed...unappealing. Hard, heavy toys like the njoy Pure Wand, while lovely and shiny, were a little intimidating and seemed like they might be uncomfortable.

If that was so, however, why did they get SO many amazing reviews? Was I really missing out on something? Should I just go for it?

The answer (surprise, surprise) was YES--do it! This summer, I received a Pure Wand for my birthday. It was shiny, heavy steel. Gorgeous. Sleek. Fun times ensued, and so I decided my next frontier would be glass. There were so many glass toys in a ridiculously wide variety of textures, shapes, and colors. As a sucker for all things shiny, shimmery, and glittery, I was overwhelmed and didn't know where to begin. I already owned two beautiful glass toys I'd won in contests, but they were medium to fairly large buttplugs, and that wasn't a frontier I was ready to cross just yet. So what was girl to do?

Enter the sexy folks at Fascinations, who sent me the Icicles No. 8 glass wand to review.

Success! I could now begin my shiny, shiny journey into the world of glass.

"Elegant, upscale, and hand-crafted with amazing attention to detail, this luxurious line of glass massagers will leave you breathless. Each hand-blown Icicle glass wand is sleek, unique, and made to play hard."

Packaging:

Ooooh, pretty. The packaging looks great, which I appreciate. I may love bright colors and eye-catching things in general, but when it comes to design, I'm more a fan of well-done simplicity. In this case, it's all about elegance.

When opened, it's kind of like a book, one of those with the secret compartments. I LOVE SECRET COMPARTMENTS WHEN THEY HAVE SEX TOYS INSIDE!

It's protected inside the packaging by a foam casing.

And this is what it looks like completely out of the box. It's a bit thinner than I imagined, for some reason. Perhaps we should chalk that up to me being terrible at imagining measurements, though.

Closer up. I'm in love with the colors of this glass dildo. The swirled blue pattern inside makes it much more appealing and beautiful than a plain glass wand. Doesn't this look like something out of a fantasy story?!

Specs/Important things to note:

This wand has a clear body with a lovely blue swirl inside. It's also iridescent, which makes it look magical and beautiful. I love that this toy is not only useful, but also aesthetically pleasing.

The body--crafted in gentle, sloping waves--is on the thinner side, but you can use the ball at the base to get a thicker penetrative experience. Instead of using the ball for a grip, you can insert the wand ball-first instead. If your hand is covered in lube, and/or you have poor grip, however, that might not work out too well because you'd be trying to hold onto the thinnest part of the wand while engaging in some type of penetration. To get around this potential slippery issue, either clean your hands, wipe the thin end of the toy off before insertion, or use gloves (especially nitrile gloves, which usually have textured fingertips).

My measurements may not be exact (yay, onscreen rulers!), but this toy's around 7ish inches long from tip to tip (remember you'll lose some length when you insert it because you'll have to hold it), and at its absolute widest (the ball-grip), around 1.5/1.75 inches. Most of the body is much thinner, though, so never fear.

What's it made out of?:

This baby's made out of pyrex glass, which means it's hypoallergenic, non-porous, and body-safe.

How does this contraption work, anyway?

This is primarily a penetrative toy, so...you stick it in somewhere! You can be more sensual and creative with it, though. Drag it along the skin to tease yourself or a partner; the glass is very sleek. You can also use it for massage by placing it parallel to the skin and rolling it along or by using it to apply direct pressure to certain areas of the body. If you want to make the massage go smoother, add some lube or lotion and go wild (but remember to not penetrate a vagina if the wand is covered in lotion!).

This is also a good toy for temperature-play, which is something I hadn't really done much of before. If you want to get the wand hot, run the glass under warm water or put it in the microwave. Conversely, if you want to chill it, put it under cold water or in the freezer. If you're playing by yourself, you can close your eyes and touch the wand to various parts of your body, feeling the temperature change. If playing with someone else, you can bring a blindfold into the mix and surprise your partner by touching them with the wand in a variety of places.

If you're into vibration and want this toy to vibrate, directly sticking a hard, plastic vibrator to it might be a mistake (CLACK CLACK CLACK!). However, if you place some sort of barrier/buffer between the glass and the vibrator, you can make it work. Remember you'll lose some of the power of the vibration when using a buffer/barrier, so make sure to crank up the setting higher that usual if you're aiming for equally-strong vibrations.

Finally, I wouldn't particularly recommend this for solo anal stimulation (the base isn't flared enough, I think). If you're playing with a partner, though, as long as the penetrator has a firm grip on the toy, it should be fine. Read: be aware, and have non-slippery hands! In this case, I'd encourage insertion of the thinner side, so that the penetrator can grab hold of the ball-end and be more secure.

Keeping it clean:

You can just wash it with soap and water! How simple is that?! Or, to be more thorough, you can run it through a dishwasher (on the top rack). You can also put it in a pot of boiling water for about 10 minutes and let the water work its magic.

Other uses:

Weapon to defend yourself against an assailant (as pictured above)?
Shiny microphone for those days you want to sing in front of the mirror.
Aid in fantasy role-play or LARPing...or something. Seriously. It looks like some magical wand. Perhaps it's a wand that has been lost for many years and you can role-play that you're on a quest to find it? Just a thought.
Sexy paperweight (be careful of it rolling away, though).
Massager
For those creative folks out there, you can make it a part of an art installation!

Final Thoughts:

This is one of the toys I brought home for the holidays. It's fairly easy to pack, pretty to look at, and fun for play. If you're looking for something with a lot of heft or girth, this is probably not the toy for you, but if you're looking to foray into the world of glass and are a bit nervous, this is an excellent toy. It's simple, but not boring; beautiful and curvy, but not intimidating with a million colors and nubbies and extreme angles. I'd definitely recommend this toy for anyone looking to get into the world of glass!

You might also want to check out:

ANYTHING in the Crystal Delights line by Virtually Adult
Icicles No. 4 for one that vibrates!
Icicles No. 5 for something with a slight curve and texture
Icicles No. 10 or No. 11 for more girth and texture

Love Letter

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 21:59:00 +0000

(originally written on November 23rd, 2010)

You are amazing.

For so many reasons, you are amazing.

You’re intelligent, sweet, silly, sassy, hilarious, caring, talented.

You’ve taken care of me when I’ve felt horrible. I’ve cried into your chest when I’ve been upset about being replaced in one of my communities, when I’ve been hurt by my family’s unacceptance, when my other partner has made me feel like utter shit, when I’ve mourned the past because I thought my ex may have never loved me in the first place.

You’ve respected my decision-making skills, even when they have brought me (directly or indirectly) pain. You’ve worried over me, and advised me, and held me. You’ve never harmed me. You’ve always considered me a worthwhile human being, and held me in high-esteem. You’ve been proud of me. You’ve been there for and with me. You’ve called me out on my shit, and worried when it seemed like I was compromising my beliefs for someone else who didn’t deserve it.

You’ve cooked for me, and sung with me, and danced with me. You’ve pushed your boundaries for me. You’ve adored me. You’ve devoted yourself to me so much, and I thank you. You’ve treated me like a queen, and been the best partner I could’ve ever imagined.

I’ve constantly felt your love and your presence, even thousands of miles away.

Our relationship has been amazing.

You’ve been amazing.

And for that, I wanted to write this…as a thank you.

As a way of showing you how much you mean to me.

As a way of saying I love you.

Slut

noreply@blogger.com (mz. aida) — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 08:22:00 +0000

This is something I wrote this summer and posted elsewhere. It's time it showed up here.

--------------------------------

I feel like a slut. Which isn’t actually a bad thing. All woo-woo empowering language from “The Ethical Slut” and redefinitions of the word slut aside, right now, what this word means to me is that I’m a person who loves sex and enjoys it. I’m a person who might want to have sex with many people, and that’s okay. It means I’m more free to enjoy a relationship for what it IS and not what it COULD be, or what I WANT it to be “in the future”; a relationship IS and I can cherish it and nurture it and just let it evolve at its own pace.

Being a secure slut right now means finding beauty in many places and wanting to be a part of it. It means wanting to consume and create wonderful things, by myself and with others. It means having a greater appreciation for other fantastic human beings, and wanting to manifest that in a sexual way, because of how magical and spectacular and funny and ridiculous and intense sex can be.

Being a confident, partnered slut right now means connecting with others using my body, but also my brain, and really enjoying those connections, however brief or intense they might be, AND also having someone to come home to, be it myself or my primary. Oftentimes both!