The above quote appears in this week's weekly momAgenda spread, and when I read it I remembered being 12 years old. We all remember being 12 years old, right? The drama, the "oh why me," the "nobody understands," etc., etc. When I was 12 life had admittedly not been easy up until that point: my parents had long-ago divorced, and the situation between them was still ugly, and I had a stepfather who really did not like me at all. I spent a lot of time in my room thinking about my life and my problems and trying to sort things out, but most of all, feeling sorry for myself.
Interestingly, this approach did nothing to change my situation. My mom still traveled a lot for work, my stepfather still disliked me, and I still had no athletic prowess or artistic talent or even academic brilliance whatsoever compared to my friends at school. One night in my room, listening to the Journey Escape album for the millionth time, I had an epiphany: Nobody feels sorry for me, except me, so I might as well get over it. It was like a light turning on. I realized I was wasting my time feeling sorry for myself, and resolved to move forward and make the best of my situation. I can't remember exactly, but I think I might have even made a list of steps I would take to start feeling better and creating a happier life (even then I was a compulsive list-maker).
I don't know if it was resilience at work in that moment, or if it was sheer practicality, but it served me well. Was it a trait I was born with, or a skill my mom fostered in me? The reason I want to know is that I want my kids to have that same ability, the ability to stop wallowing (because we all wallow at some point or another) and pull themselves up and out of the muck.
We are so busy protecting our kids from harm, from discomfort, and even from teachers they might not "click" with, that we might be missing the chance to help them build up their own resilience skills. I certainly would not have chosen some of the circumstances of my childhood, but I would not trade the life skills I have now, and I hope I can find a way to pass them on to my own children. (Preferably, without the mean stepfather!)
What about you? How do you foster resilience in your kids?

1. SORT. Get rid of everything in your closet that does not belong there. I am referring to the classic interlopers, such as yoga mats, empty shoe boxes, suitcases, and, of course, presents you are hiding from your kids. Put those items in a storage spot that you do not use everyday, such as your attic or basement (or my personal favorite, the garbage).

2. TOSS. Go through every item of clothing and ask yourself the following question: Have I worn this in the last year? If you don't wear an item, it does not get a place in your closet. Donate it to someone who will use it! A second question to ask yourself is, Does this item flatter me? Think not just about whether you can zip it up; think about what it does for you. Does it make you feel beautiful, or does it just sit on your body? Only keep (and in the future, only buy) items that make you feel fabulous.

While you are tossing clothes that you don't wear or that don't flatter you, please toss out the wire hangers that are ruining all of your beautiful clothes. Invest in good hangers to keep your clothing looking good over time. And toss out all the dry cleaning bags so that your clothes can breathe.

3. ORGANIZE. Set up separate areas in our closet for dresses, shirts/blouses, and pants. If you are so inclined, you can organize by color as well (for example, place all your black pants together, followed by brown pants, etc). Fold sweaters (do not hang them, it ruins their shape!), t-shirts, and workout clothes. Put shoes in clear boxes (I like the ones at the Container Store) labeled on the outside, that way they won't gather dust. You can also use small containers (either put them in drawers or on closet shelves) to organize items like bras, underwear, socks, and hosiery. For accessories like belts, use hooks to hang them, or roll them up and place them in another small container.

Most important, follow these steps at least once a year, preferably twice. I like to organize my closet once in the spring and once in the fall. If you can maintain a neat and organized closet it will pay off by making your life easier--it will take less time and effort to get dressed each day!

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