Momma's Gone City

We've Got the Winters

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 01:48:00 +0000

It's hit me. I knew it would happen around this time, but I didn't know how fierce it would be. My skin is pale, my jeans are tight (hello extra SIX POUNDS), I've found myself standing in front of my closet, staring at sundresses for long periods of time, and the kids and I are just plain maxed out on the indoor activities. I've started to get irritable and cranky whilst staring out at the grey, 30 degree weather. This city is incredibly beautiful, but even IT has started to look dreary.

I'm tired of Winter. I'm tired of walking to preschool, or grocery shopping, or any other errand under the sun (AHEM, I wish) bundled and sweaty under four layers of clothing. I'm tired of rain boots and umbrellas and gloves and kid tantrums from dealing with all of that too. At least I know why I have to wear a jacket, they seem to think I'm doing it out of pure TORTURE.

I know I'm whining like an ungrateful California girl but really? This is getting absurd.

Don't get me wrong. The snow here in Manhattan is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. It feels and looks like heaven. We are expecting another snow storm and I am actually looking forward to it! The snow is new and fun to us still, and I'm happy that I enjoy it. I have been told that it actually doesn't snow here all that often, so I consider us lucky. We don't have to shovel or drive in it so it's really just fun. If it's going to be this cold, it might as well snow and give us an outdoor activity.

Because we're, well, going a little stir crazy.

Birdie has just about worn a track into our wood floors with her baby stroller, and Bubba (AND I, lest you forget) have played every board game no less than 100 times. And then there's the dress up.

Good thing I love them to death and they make me laugh until my stomach hurts. Even when I feel like I'm getting bored or tired or irritated, I'm pretty sure these are the days I'll cherish the most.

Potty Training Part DEUX

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 04:22:00 +0000

We've had a busy week. Seriously, I don't think there's ever a time when I don't FEEL busy, but the last seven days have been actually filled with people and things and events and activities. Every. Single. Day.

In-Laws came to stay with us from California for about four days to see the kids and celebrate my husbands 29th birthday. We also had a blast celebrating Valentine's Day (which is now my THIRD most favorite holiday. I love celebrating love, what can I say. I'm a sap). I was invited to attend the Toy Fair, which was huge and overwhelming and amazing! Then my mother and sister came to visit us for about 3 1/2 days and we literally walked around the entire city for about 16 hours in three days. It was wonderful.

This week was a huge week for Birdie, too. It's like she set a deadline for herself to have a few things accomplished before she turned 17 months old.

We switched her out of the high chair and into a booster seat, and now she eats a ton (with utensils) and screams a lot less.

A few days before that she also started asking to use the potty, and to my total surprise, she actually DID. She peed and poo-pooed every single time she asked to go potty! I really wasn't expecting this (We literally JUST trained Bubba) but I sort of knew she was ready. I didn't know what to do though, thinking she was a little young for PT, but I decided to run with it. I fetched a pair of Bubba's training pants and threw them on her.

Babylegs are essential for potty training, especially in the winter. (The boots are on because she loves them, even though we have a no-shoe policy. NYC=dirty)

On her 17 month birthday, we walked to Buy Buy Baby and purchased a couple of sets of her very own training pants. She is so proud of these (and it is SO cute to see her get so excited).

She has had a couple of dry mornings but I haven't really pushed the matter yet. I'm thinking we'll probably dedicate next weekend to really working on it if she stays consistent through the week. It's a little bittersweet... I mean, of course I hate diapers (most of the time), but she is my baby, and this major rush she is in to grow up is really kind of getting to me! I always knew that if I had a daughter, she would be just like me in all ways. I suppose this is what I get.

I am so proud of her.

Preschool in NYC: Our Experience

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 03:39:00 +0000

When I was pregnant with Bubba, I heard stories about some mothers who put their children on waiting lists for preschools while they were still pregnant. I thought this was a little crazy, and didn't pay any more attention to it until Bubba turned about 12 months old. I started to research the preschools in our area, which was in Northern California at the time. I found one that I absolutely loved. We toured it with one sweet woman who let Bubba sit in and enjoy the class and outdoor activities. I knew most of the children in the class and a few of the teachers as well. It was perfect for our family, and for Bubba. The tuition for his first year of preschool was going to be around $4,000 for 3 half days a week. Seemed like a whole lot of money at the time. I knew it was what Bubba needed though, so I asked to be put on the wait list for when he turned about 2 1/2. They called me in March of last year and told me that there was a spot for him open and asked if I was going to be registering. Not really knowing what our future had in store for us (we didn't know where Dr. J would be attending Dental School- still waiting on admissions letters), I had no choice but to withdraw our name from the stack.

Flash forward to May, 2009. We learn that Dr. J's options for Dental School were limited, and we would be moving to New York City in August. I scramble to find a decent neighborhood and pediatrician on the internet, which was hilarious in a totally stressed out way (I registered the kids into a practice in TriBeCa. TriBeCa is SO FAR from where we are now, I was so clueless). We fly to NYC in July and find our home within 4 hours of landing. Within a month the four of us are here, shell shocked and quickly learning how things are done in this completely and totally new and different environment.

I register Bubba for a pre-preschool program, 2 half days a week in a wonderful community organization. We love it. You've heard me go on and on about how great this place is, it was the pivotal point in getting us settled here in the city. This is also where I learned about the complete insanity that is preschool registration in Manhattan and the boroughs of NYC.

I came into this preschool registration business about three years too late with Bubba, so we're kind of flying on a wing and a prayer for getting him into a good program. Most of the moms that I have talked to have applied to an average of seven schools. Each school requires a $50 application fee, and most of the appointments for interviews needed to have been made by January. This means that you have to actually know which schools are out there, which ones are the "good ones", and which ones will be the easiest to get to, travel wise. Never mind the cost- I'll get to that.

We absolutely lucked out- in our building complex, there is a preschool, and it's a really good one. They even happen to give an ever so slight preference to the tenants of the complex. While I was in California, I scheduled our appointment in early December and sent poor Dr. J, knee deep in his first Dental School finals, to the preschool with a check and the required family photo so that we would be guaranteed an interview spot.

We were told to come to the school for our interview the day after Bubba's third birthday. I dressed him in a clean polo and jeans, myself in some J Crew separates, and Dr. J wore a nice button down white shirt. I have heard stories of the teachers and administrators asking the children to recite their ABC's, and putting the kids on the spot to do other three-year-old "tricks" during the interviews, so I was really nervous. This one wasn't like that so much, but they definitely observed Bubba in a few different situations (free and organized play, snack time and communicating with peers and teachers) and took many notes during the hour that we were there. He was a little angel, sweet as pie with with everyone, and even cleaned up when he was asked. Proud momma moments.

He can almost write his name! That ought to get him in, right?!

Not really knowing what the criteria was for getting a spot in the school, I asked one of the parent-teachers before hand. She simply said "we will base your acceptance on your enthusiasm for the school". It's hard to be enthusiastic, though, when you are also the one doing the interviews. I was trying to ask questions and get a feel for the curriculum and the teachers themselves, as well as being excited about the program. I'm also nervous because I believe that this may be one out of only two chances of getting him into preschool in September. We've only had one other tour and interview, and that was at the school that we are at now. I don't LOVE that program, but I will be happy with it.

There are 16 spots at the first school, and so far there have been 40+ applicants. From what I have been told, this ratio is really promising compared to most. There are a lot of preschools in NYC, as you can imagine. We have chosen two to apply to, and they are on the lower end, price wise. We are looking at paying five figures to send Bubba to preschool for four hours a day, five days a week for one school year. This is average. It's akin to paying $6 dollars for a half gallon of milk (TRUE STORY) here in Manhattan. The demand is so high, there are so many people that they can charge this much and people will pay it. Of course there are programs that cost less and some that are free, but those programs mostly start with a waiting list (similar to the school we applied to in CA), and unless you're child's name is on the list since before he/she was born, your chances are very slim.

It also helps if you have connections. In the documentary on preschool in Manhattan, Nursery University, one parent actually wrote a letter on their David Letterman Show letterhead to the school and the administrators accepted the child without batting an eye. "...even in today's difficult economy, the admissions process is considered more competitive than that of the nation's top Ivy League universities, and the demand has driven annual preschool admissions upwards of $20,000". As obscene as it is, that is the truth.

As you know, I don't work and my husband is in dental school, so the math doesn't really add up at all. We'll be taking out more loans for preschool this year, and as painful as it is financially, I am not really going to fight it. It is what it is, and we're talking about my son's education and early development, not a small home in the Midwest (although... ahem). I've done a lot of research and this is the best decision for our family, and for Bubba. He absolutely thrives in school. The relationships that he has developed with his peers and teachers has made an incredible impact on him and his confidence. He teaches his little sister to sing the "clean up" and "team work" songs while they put their toys away together. I know that he wouldn't be coming along this much socially and otherwise had I decided to home school him-which absolutely crossed my mind when we saw the price tag for preschool.

The benefits outweigh the risks for us here, now I am just crossing my fingers and toes that he gets into one of these schools. We'll hear the news along with everyone else in New York City on March 8th.

This entire experience has made me really curious about preschool around the country. Here in NYC, we can expect that the teachers will have their Master's Degrees and the ratio is generally pretty small; 16 children per 3 teachers. I would love to hear your feedback on your experiences putting your children in preschool, and whether or not you home school. We come from a family of teachers, three of which (my mother, my sister and my mother-in-law) all have their Master's Degrees in Child Development. I believe that the socialization is key in my own children, and will most likely not home school for that reason, amongst others. I have considered it though, and of course it is right for some families!

This has been an interesting process, thank you for listening and all of your feedback!

Slight Case of the Mondays

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 03:55:00 +0000

So today was special. It started out nice actually, and I thought that maybe it was going to be a decent day. We had a couple of errands to run in the morning, so that always means the day will be at least half productive.

That's when Monday threw up on me. I went to get cleaned up in the bathroom, leaving the littles to play in their room together for a couple of minutes. They have been getting better at this in recent weeks, but it only lasts for about 5 minutes at a stretch (I'll take it). Not three minutes into my teeth brushing, I head into their room to find every single toy they own on the floor. Their room was paved in toys. Three minutes, ARE YOU KIDDING ME. We I picked them up and proceeded to get them dressed for the day. This is usually the first major tantrum, and usually epic. Bubba hates getting out of his jammies and Birdie cannot stand having her diaper changed (and getting dressed). This happens twice a day, every single day without fail. Then there is the getting-out-of-the-apartment-OMG-JACKETS-AND-SHOES-NOOO0 Tantrums. Once we finally get out of the building, it is fine. Today the doorman was too busy reading his magazine to open the door for me and my brood in the double stroller. Whatever, I can handle it (can I get a memo on a doorman's job description PLEASE?). No biggie, really.

Both kids fall asleep as I walk from 28th street to 14th street to get to to Trader Joe's and Whole Foods for our weekly grocery stop. Decide to make a call to get some health insurance FINALLY. 6 calls in and I finally reach a person. I also run smack into some road work and someone using a jackhammer, WHILE two fire engines are screaming by. I lose the call. No biggie.

Realizing it is 12:00 and I need to be at the pediatrician's office at 12:20, I literally RUN from 14th to 34th street and arrive at 12:25. One elevator is out and there is a line to get upstairs. The Dr. determines Bubba does, in fact, have an ear infection and prescribes some antibiotics (HALLELUJAH! Last time we were there, the Dr. looked at me and told me I "wasted my time" coming there for a "common cold" Thanks, lady). Prescription gets filled in 45 minuted at the drug store across the street. I proceed to leave my other purchases at the store. No biggie.

Get home and try to put them both down for a nap at around 3pm. Doorman buzzes just as I'm reading stories and Trader Joe's drops off my first delivery. Both children fall asleep and no less than 5 minutes later, the doorman buzzes not once, not twice, not four but FIVE TIMES and wakes both children up. THIS IS A BIGGIE. I graciously thank the Whole Foods delivery guy and call the doorman, demanding his name. Same doorman as before. I'm beyond livid at this point. You can mess with pretty much anything else but DO NOT MESS WITH NAP TIME. This is my sanity hour.

Both kids up, I asses the kitchen. 8 bags of groceries to put away, and one of them is doused in pink smoothie. I love the delivery service, but every single time, something gets damaged. It's not usually pink smoothie.

I somehow make it through an hour of Candyland and HiHo Cherri-o and then Dr. J gets home. Huge sigh of relief! We had a nice ~~scream-filled~~ dinner (why don't toddlers eat?), and then it's bath time.

And this happens.

She looks tough with her Elmo and Cookie Monster tattoos, doesn't she? This little girl has me shaking in my boots, frankly. She's a little pistol- albeit a sweet pistol. More attitude than I have ever seen in someone so tiny!

They are both asleep now. Huz is studying and I numbed my brain with some Bachelor. Now it's off to do 4 loads of laundry in the basement. Sometimes, these days just need to be written down. At the end of the day, all I could do was laugh, especially at little Z in the bathtub half dressed. C'est La Vie!

Have a great week :)

Sesame Street Live!

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 02:52:00 +0000

Today was a very special day for Bubba and I. A day that I had been wanting for so long... time with just my little man. There haven't been many opportunities for me to have one on one time with the kids at all unfortunately, so when one comes up I definitely jump at it. Sadly, today my one-on-one time came at Birdie's expense. She was too sick to join us at the show, but on the bright side she did get some daddy time!

We have been wanting to take the kids to see Sesame Street Live at Madison Square Garden, but I honestly didn't know how we were going to make it work. Then I got an email earlier this week inviting myself and the rest of the family to not only see the opening show, but also to meet some of the characters! Honestly, pinch me. I was (and still am) more excited than Bubba ever was. He isn't much of a television watcher, so I don't think this was a huge deal to him. The same thing happened when we met Santa Claus. I was ecstatic, but him-not so much. In fact, his reaction to Elmo and Cookie Monster was exactly the same as his reaction to Santa. He took one look at them and nearly scaled his way up onto my shoulder. So I got to sit on their laps, too.

He was far more interested in covering himself and me in stickers and tattoos.

While he was busy with that and we were waiting to go into the theater, I was able to finally meet and chat with some fellow City bloggers that I love so much: Carol, Lisa, Corine, and Heidi, it was so great to meet you all!

The show itself was so much fun. It wasn't too loud, the lights were just enough, and the music was energetic without being too obnoxious. Well, relatively anyway. Dare I say I even got a TEENSY bit choked up when Big Bird told the children not to grow up too fast. I used to LOVE Sesame Street as a child, and when he said that I felt like I was a child again, sitting right next to my own baby.

The lights went up, we grabbed all of our goodies (and an extra Zoe doll for our Z at home) and headed outside to catch a cab home. Such a fun day.

If any of you will be in the NYC area for the next month or so and would like to see Sesame Street Live at Madison Square Garden, email me at MommasGoneCity@gmail.com and I will send you a code for a 50% off discount on tickets. Awesome, right?

Wordless Wednesday

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 14:38:00 +0000

Just a Tuesday...

The Smallest Pirate

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:56:00 +0000

Well, we did it. I didn't think we could actually get 20+ people in our tiny little apartment but we did! And comfortably, I might add. At least it seemed comfy. We invited Bubba's entire preschool class of ten children and their parents to celebrate his third birthday. It was a little cramped and slightly chaotic, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. The sense of community and home here in Manhattan was truly heartwarming.

My mom even came out for the weekend to bake the cake and make his special birthday dinner:

The best part: Stories and snuggles with YiaYia at the end of the day:

(Birdie's favorite thing to do is keep a washcloth on her head. Preferably damp.)

We're knee deep in the preschool application and interview process right now. Round two starts tomorrow. I'll be doing a post on this as soon as I can... it's completely bizarre. The preschool that Bubba is attending now isn't actually PRESCHOOL. It's a gradually separating program- essentially pre-preschool. Awesome ~~CHA CHING~~. I'll be signing up Birdie tomorrow for this exact class. Is it possible that she will be in a school program in a few short months?!

Happy Birthday, Little Man

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 00:02:00 +0000

Bubba turned three today... my sweet little baby has turned into a beautiful boy. I can hardly believe it.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

I love you to the moon and back, little man.

Quick Hello

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 05:05:00 +0000

I feel like I'm peeking my head above ground for the first time in a month.

I've had the stomach flu, hubs had it, and now two days before his third birthday, Bubba has it. In fact, I had just gotten through paying for his Pirate party supplies at Party City today when he yakked everywhere. It was one of those classic mother moments: It took an hour for us to walk to the store and an entire arsenal of snacks to keep them preoccupied. Yet no matter how much preparation you have, you never know what can come up. Fortunately, he aimed for his own seat and basically filled the bucket, horrifying all of the other frazzled moms in line behind me. Oh well, this is NYC. I'll never see them again.

This is one of those times where I get really irritated with our transportation situation. I would really rather not have walked all the way home with him sleeping in his soggy seat. I could have caught a cab, but that will make him even sicker, so that was out of the question. I just wanted to bundle him up and put him into his own dry car seat in his own warm car. Safe and sound. Being on the streets feels very abrasive... especially in these situations. Very cold, very rough. It definitely doesn't feel safe to me. But it is safe, considering the MILLIONS of people that live here and the mayhem that could occur on any given day.

My mother is taking a red eye from CA to see us tonight. She will be here for breakfast and coffee and snuggles in the morning and I can't tell you what that does for my soul. Just knowing she will be here to take care of me and my babies tomorrow makes me feel, well, safe.

We will probably stay in for the morning while the kids turn the apartment upside down with excitement. Then, we will take Bubba to Toys R' Us in Times Square to find a special treat for his birthday- providing he feels better.

Sunday morning we are having all TEN of his classmates over for pizza and cake and some Pirate shenanigans. It will be interesting to see how that goes over... 20 people in a 750 sq ft apartment. I'll be hiding under the table with my wine thankyouverymuch. I can't wait though, really. I am so happy that he has new friends here and I would have all 100 over if there were that many. I'm putting together a photo slideshow thing for Bubba that I will share when I complete it ~~2012~~. I started compiling the pictures the other night and I couldn't make it through the tears! I can't believe how fast three years has gone.

I'll be back this weekend to post pictures from the festivities! Happy weekend, everyone :)

Mission: Crack Pie

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 05:45:00 +0000

I've heard here and there about the Momofuku Milk Bar and their famed Crack Pie. So I had to take the kids to go find it. I decided to get a little more creative than usual and film it on our new Flip camera. This was my first time using iMovie... as if you couldn't tell. I hope you enjoy it!

By the way, all the hype that Anderson Cooper generates over this Crack Pie is absolutely worth it. It is fantastic. A New Years Resolution crusher in one fell swoop. If you ever get a chance, you must try it (that and their Compost Cookies. SO GOOD.)

Ok that was pretty terrible. I couldn't figure out how to edit the clips, so clearly this was just a straight stream of footage. Oh well, that was my first try. It was fun and I will definitely be doing more of those!

The adventure to find the Crack Pie was really fun too. I am always so proud of myself when I take the kids on a big adventure to find something and we actually find it. Small wins make my entire day. Even with the stream of fails it took to get there (READ: Bubba's pacifier).

I Found My Sleep Pose!

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 19:38:00 +0000

My good friend over at Ask Miss Mommy posted this interesting little quiz to find out what your sleep pose is. Seeing as how both of my kids are napping at the same time (FTW), I bit. You know, because I have no idea how I like to sleep, usually. SNORT. Anyway, here is the quiz if you are interested in finding out your own pose. The questions were so bizarre that I had to share.

Which texture strikes you as the most appealing?

Baby fur (um, babies have fur?)
Hand-warmed metals
Sun-warmed concrete
Chalk

What fit style do you prefer when it comes to bottoms?

Snug in the thigh, high in the rise (NO)
Tear-away style with side-snap closure (NO)
Extra long (for impromptu cuff-knot water survival) (Please explain this to me)
Loose and wide, so I can feel the wind (BARF NO)

What is your favorite animal?

Kangaroo (baby pouch, plus power and speed)
Sugar glider (baby pouch, plus patagium)
Opossum (rear-opening pouch, plus built-in repellant spray)
Hamster (cheek pockets)

(No, no, no and NO. What's with all the baby pouches?? I may be getting weirded out)

Who do you find most unsettling?

People who keep their arms perfectly stationary when they walk (yeah, that's weird)
People who secretly wear full clown makeup underneath their clown masks (I do this every day, of course)
People who own windchimes (neither weird nor unsettling)
People who hug too long (unless it's my mother or husband, that's weird)

Do you own your own equipment?

Yes, but it's second-hand and it rubs (How would equipment rub? What kind of equipment are we talking about here??)
I prefer to rent my equipment because I go out so rarely (Renting "equipment" because you go out too rarely. WTF)
Yes, it's in the garage, somewhere
Yes, two full sets! (SETS OF WHAT?!)

What is your preferred method of submersion?

Ocean or chlorinated pool
Bath or hot tub
Sun-warmed garden hose (really. How do you submerge yourself in a garden hose?)
Accidental spraying (whale tank) (yes. I do this every day.)

You're in the mood to go out, but your friends are all busy. You:

Take yourself to dinner, eat quickly, return home in under forty minutes
Form a fast friendship with someone on the street, guilt new friend into a night of over-confessional drinking
Stay home alone, experiment with shaving (EXPERIMENT WITH SHAVING?! Well yes. Duh)
Take yourself to the movies, talk loudly at screen and self

Do you enjoy the smell of fresh spray paint?

Yes (Obviously. A little too much, apparently)
No

The result?

The Colon is the chosen pose of individuals who, on their own, seem awkward or remote. (OH HEY AWESOME. THANKS.)

I hate sleeping this way because then Huz breathes in my face. So there.

If you do take this test- let me know if it was accurate for you! Maybe I'm just a slow learner. I've always been a lousy test taker.

My Little Gremlin

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 04:20:00 +0000

Bubba is going through something. We don't exactly know what, but I can tell you that he is trying to show us in every single possible way that he can. My sweet boy has left the premises and the Gremlin has emerged.

The tantrums are mind blowing, and I haven't the foggiest idea how he maintains his energy to keep them up. I get that toddlers have a lot of energy, but this is kind of amazing. I cannot count the number of times during the day that he flips out, but I'm guessing the average is about twice an hour. Screaming, yelling, sobbing, running, fist pumping, head rotating, nail spitting insanity. And then it stops, and he is the golden boy again.

I feel like I've tried everything. I've reprimanded and put him on time-outs, sent him to his room to "work it out", proceeded with whatever task we needed to accomplish at the time be it using the toilet or getting out of the building. Then there are the moments when I dropped to the ground and embraced him, telling him to slow down, to breathe. Feeling his heaving sobs and sopping up his tears and snot with my clothes... and yet nothing has worked.

He tells me that he doesn't like his sister. He doesn't like his "New York Home". He wants to go to Yiayia's home in California (his grandmother- my mother). In that moment, I believe that is absolutely the truth... because sometimes that is exactly how I feel. That's the thing about toddlers, they live in the moment. I have to remind myself of that constantly because then I realize that really, all he wants is his pacifier, or to watch his show, or to keep his pajamas on, or not eat his dinner, or not put his coat on. Honestly that's pretty much all he gets worked up about. So unless I pull a giant Duplo castle out of my ass that very moment, he is only going to be satisfied with whatever it is that he wants in that moment. So, I've taken to just getting on his level and looking into his eyes and hugging him. It helps both of us.

I've felt so terrible for so long for ripping him away from all of his family and friends and all that is familiar to him. I, too, grew up on the other side of the country from my father and my entire family, and I know the way it feels. Granted, I was older and I knew better, but there is absolutely nothing in the world that compares to the feeling of having a team of loved ones cheering you on every step of the way. He has those things in abundance when we are in California- he can see, hear, smell and feel them. I see what it does for him and it is incredibly beautiful. Skype doesn't do anything for him, unfortunately (though Birdie LOVES it), in fact it really sort of bugs him. I think that he is feeling that void right now, having been here in New York for one week after spending two in CA with constant attention from all sides. It breaks my heart to see him act like this, knowing that it probably has something to do with a lack of attention. This is our life though... there is Birdie, who also needs attention. There is lunch to be made, dishes to be cleaned, laundry to be done, groceries to be purchased. The moments in between I do my best to spend with him, but it isn't enough right now. I know that when he gets through this phase, we all will be unscathed. That is my mantra, anyway.

Bubba will be turning three in about two weeks. I know, because I have reached out to my friends and Twitter for empathetic moms during these times and as it turns out, that there is a reason they call it the Terrible Threes. I was so naive to think that we would be so lucky to escape them! Bubba was always the perfect child though... mellow temperament, always happy, content and cooperative. I never, ever thought I would see him act this way. Birdie on the other hand, I know that I am in for it with her and I've accepted it and braced myself. Either way, I am counting my many blessings and every day is a new day.

Thank you to Emily and Mommy X for sharing your stories as well and inspiring me to open up about our toddler troubles. I love this band of mothers that is the mommy blogosphere!

By the way, if I ever start my own little blog mom club, I'm calling it the Band of Mothers. Looks like I have a new goal for 2010!

Giveaway! Food Network: Cook or Be Cooked Videogame for Wii UPDATE!!

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 04:40:00 +0000

UPDATE:Winner!

Thank you so much to everyone that entered this contest. I went to Random.Org and the winner is Pres. Kathy from Elona Creations! . Congratulations! Please email me ASAP and we'll ship it off to you!

So do you remember when I tweeted about interviewing Beau MacMillan from the Food Network's new show Worst Cooks in America? WELL. Lesson learned... never count your chickens. I wasn't told about the time of the interview until the morning of, and guess where I was? In a cab with two vomiting toddlers on the way to the airport. I was going to call in anyway, but once they got sick that idea flew right out the window. The bonus is they still gave me a video game to give to one of you! I'm sure many of you have Wii systems... I don't, but I'm pretty much the only person I know that doesn't (but I have successfully convinced the husband to let us get one! Wii Fit here I come!).

I am a closet foodie. There, I said it. One of my most favorite things to do is go to fancy restaurants, and being here in NYC it is so amazing to try some of the amazing food that is available here (you know, in my spare time). This is the food capital of the world and I am loving every minute of it. I love the experiences from fine dining to hole-in-the-wall diamonds in the rough, to take out pizza & Chinese. Still, pretty high up there on my bucket list is to dine at the French Laundry in Northern California. Anyway... given my love for all things cuisine, I also enjoy food shows. I'm a huge Top Chef fan, but we also watch Hell's Kitchen and Iron Chef pretty religiously. I am also newly hooked on America's Worst Chefs... and I am happy to announce my giveaway for the Cook or be Cooked video game for Wii! Obviously I haven't played it, but I so totally WOULD. You know, if I had a Wii.

If you would like to be entered to win this game, just leave me a comment. If you would like another entry, tweet about the contest and include the post URL and my handle, @mommasgonecity so that I can see it and enter you again. Winner will be chosen randomly using Random.org

Contest ends Friday, January 15th at midnight.

Good luck!

Below is some info on the Food Network's new shows and the Wii game. I was not compensated at all for this post, other than the videogame that I am offering to you.

ASPIRE TO BE AN IRON CHEF AND DON’T WANT TO BE ONE OF THE WORST COOKS IN AMERICA? LEARN TO COOK BY ENTERING NOW TO WIN A COPY OF FOOD NETWORK: COOK OR BE COOKED VIDEOGAME FOR Wii™ COURTESY OF FOOD NETWORK

AN IRON CHEF AMERICA EVENT: SUPER CHEF BATTLE

Emeril Lagasse and Mario Batali take on Bobby Flay and White House Chef Comerford, each team creating the ultimate meal using the White House Garden's bounty. An Iron Chef America Event. Super Chef Battle. Sunday, January 3, 2010 at 8p/7c on Food Network.
Video Promo Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6SXLiG2JVc
Premieres Sunday, January 3, 2010 at 8pm/7c on Food Network

WORST COOKS IN AMERICA

Twelve of the most hopeless cooks in the country will compete in a high-stakes elimination series in Worst Cooks in America. At stake for the last two standing is the chance to cook for a panel of esteemed culinary critics and win the grand prize of $25,000. This six-week series will put the "recruits" through a culinary boot camp led by two acclaimed chefs: Anne Burrell, host of Secrets of a Restaurant Chef, and Beau MacMillan, executive chef at elements in Phoenix.
Video Promo Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMJGj0itBBY
Premieres Sunday, January 3, 2010 at 10pm/9c on Food Network

Find out more at http://www.foodnetwork.com/worstcooks

Word(less) Wednesday

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 00:14:00 +0000

I just can't help myself. I have to share these amazing photos that my friend Helene at Hellybee Photography took of my mom, my sister, the kids and I. Words really cannot express how much I love these pictures... but I will try.

My Heart:

*sigh*

Apartment Therapy with Kristan Cunningham

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 03:07:00 +0000

A couple of weeks before Christmas, I was invited to check out the new Raymour & Flanigan flagship store in the Upper West Side and meet with Kristan Cunningham... the adorable design diva herself. You might know her from the Rachel Ray show, or HGTV's Design on a Dime. She is now working with Raymour & Flanigan, a pretty amazing furniture store that has a surprisingly decent price range. I had seen Kristan on TV a couple of times and I am terrible at interior decorating, so I was really excited to meet her and get a few tips on my own apartment! Truly. As you can see, I really need the help.

I was really pleased with her feedback. I thought she was right on and I will probably listen to much of what she said!

A couple of disclosures before we begin: I was not compensated in any way by Raymour & Flanigan for this post (but there is a coupon at the bottom if you feel so inclined). Also, my apartment looks a lot nicer now than it did in these pictures. No, really!

1. Arrangement of furniture: Do you think we are utilizing our miniscule amount of space effectively with the placement of furniture?

Based on what I can see in the pictures, and given your obstacles like doorways and radiators, I think you did a perfect job with furniture placement- and I love that you went for "floating" the sofa. It looks as though this set up probably works great for your family in day to day life. But, if you were to add pieces in the future, you might want to focus on increasing your seating options, so that you have a comfy place for people to sit when entertaining. (See my answer to dining room question).

2. Couch: Clearly we need a new one. Unfortunately that won't happen (most likely) until my husband graduates from dental school. Given what we have to work with, how do you suggest we make it work aesthetically with the rest of the living room? It is a pull out sleeper couch- is there somewhere else we should put it? What would you suggest if we were to get a new couch, given that we have a 2 year old and a 1 year old, and the space allotment?

There's no reason to rush to buy a new one until it makes sense for you- but I do think that between the vanilla walls, light dining set and light walls, the current slipcover is washing the piece out, and feels disconnected aesthetically from the rich trunk table and area rug. The damask also feels a little formal in comparison to your other choices. A new slipcover in cotton twill or micro suede in a darker color will show less stains and dirt, and will help create more of a visual punctuation point in the room. The visual "weight" of the darker color will be balanced by the window frame and again, the trunk and rug.

When you do decide it's time for a new sofa, I suggest you think about 3 things: a durable fabric option in a darker color (for those kiddie feet and sticky hands), lower arms and back (especially since the piece is floating, you want to have a clear visual path into the dining room and higher arms could make the walkway feel closed in and the sofa itself feel trap-like), and cleaner, squarer lines (they make the same size piece feel smaller in visual scale, and are also more in keeping with the young, hip, modern, fabulous family you are! I'd also stick with a sleeper- anytime you can incorporate more sleeping options into your home, you should! I think this guy- in Java- would be perfect all across the board...

http://www.raymourflanigan.com/catalog/details.asp?Cat_ID=9&ID=102041

3. How can I fix my dining room* chairs? They are HIDEOUS and uncomfy. I love the table... need new chairs. Buy new or get creative?

How 'bout a little of both... Keep the table- which I also love, as it's classic and simple- and add these captain's chairs at the 2 ends. http://www.raymourflanigan.com/catalog/details.asp?ID=101712.

The dark chocolate leather will help make that whole vignette look a little heavier, which will tie better into the living area, spills will be a non issue, and they're as comfy as sitting in a living room chair. And that makes perfect sense, because they're substantial enough to drag into the living room area when you're entertaining- total double duty!- helping make the 2 areas feel seamless in style- just flank the trunk table with them, and suddenly, you have a real conversation area! Keep the two chairs in the middle, but add lumbar pillows in a fabric that coordinates with the pillows on the sofa- maybe a deep rust or sate blue to tie in that trunk- that'll help make these guys a little comfier until you're ready to invest in 2 more.

4. I want to utilize our wall space, make the room look bigger. Any suggestions?

You took a great step, by hanging the mirror over the dining table. Unfortunately, because the mirror takes up such a small percentage of the wall, you're losing a lot of the impact that a reflective surface can have. I suggest swapping that guy out for something much larger, or, adding various sized additional mirrors for a "gallery" style wall treatment. For the TV wall, the last thing you want to do is add fussiness around the screen that'll distract from your view when it's on. A floor lamp on either side of that credenza will add some texture and depth to the room without competing with the boob tube, as well as give you some warm light on that side of the room. By the way- I don't see a single lamp or overhead light- how the heck do y'all see in there!? I'd swap out that plant in the dining area for a table lamp as well so that you have a distribution of light throughout the space.

5. Where should Bob* live?

I think Bob should live on that nice deep window sill, as long as it doesn't get too hot there :).

*Bob is our fish. He is a superfish. Took a cross country, week long trip in two inches of unpurified water and lived to smile about it. I thought he needed a throne.

6. I am interested in the space saving furniture that we talked about at Raymour & Flanigan, and I'll bet my fellow apartment dwellers are as well. Can you suggest some of your favorites?

The captain’s chairs that I suggested for your dining/living solution are one of my favorites for that reason- they're a small enough scale to sit at a dining table, yet substantial enough to use as occasional seating in a living room or den.

I also love beds with storage incorporated underneath, like these http://www.raymourflanigan.com/catalog/details.asp?ID=9509 as they do the work of a bed and dresser in the footprint of just one.
And keep in mind that in a small space, anytime you place a piece of furniture, you're taking up valuable floor real estate, so try to make each piece work as hard as possible. You're entry table is a perfect example: you gained a surface, but within the same footprint could've gained storage a swell. A piece like this http://www.raymourflanigan.com/catalog/details.asp?ID=99335 makes better use of the vertical height and gives you a great place to stash away the life essentials like keys, mail and wallet- while maintaining a calm and tidy look. The open bottom on legs keeps it from feeling too heavy.

Or, you can tuck something like these storage ottomans http://www.raymourflanigan.com/catalog/details.asp?ID=101974#AboveTabs underneath to stash games and such, but also to call on when extra seating is needed, as they're lightweight and easy to move right over to the living room.

7. Would you suggest moving the kids area in the foyer somewhere else? Is this space we should be using in a different way, given that it is the first thing people see?

If you have space for that table and chairs somewhere else, I think that a lot of the visual chaos could be eliminated by taking them out of the equation. And you're exactly right- it IS the first space people see and will set the tone for the rest of your home, so making it feel calm and tasteful is important. Their art can absolutely remain, however. I'll have more thoughts on that in #8.

8. I could use some tips on color. We moved here three months ago and have been so busy with school and life that I haven't had any time to devote to decorating. Ok, I never do or will anytime soon. Anything you can suggest to tie the place together, rather than looking like a hodgepodge?

I think that the throw pillow on sofa / lumbar pillow on dining chairs idea is a great way to cross reference some colors between the two spaces, which will create some consistency. The trunk that you already own should be the touchstone for your whole palette, as it's the one thing that strongly suggests a color scheme- but does so in a subtle way. If painting is an option, I think that you can establish a scheme and make a dramatic statement from the moment folks walk in the door by painting that hallway in a dramatic shade, like slate blue.

There is a lack of natural light in this space already, so playing on that and creating this moody transition space will make your entry into the sun filled living area feel like an explosion into wide open space. Your kids art can then be framed inexpensively in matching thin edged frames to pop off of that color, and as they add up, you'll have an entire gallery space made up of your kids work, presented in an upscale, tasteful way.

I'm in LOVE with that couch. And it isn't $4,000! I'll let you know when I update my apartment with her suggestions... I'm afraid it might take me a while (everything does lately). The original idea here was to offer Kristan's tips to one of my readers. I am still very interested in doing this, but I don't know if she will be available. What do you guys think? Would you like some feedback on your place as well?? I'm thinking if I get a positive enough response here, she might just do it. Let me know what you think, and if she agrees I'll pick one of you (random) that sounds excited ;)

Also...this week I'll be giving away an America's Worst Chef's video game! YAY! TTFN!

Repair

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 02:42:00 +0000

Hi friends! It's been a long time. I haven't even opened my reader since before Christmas, but I've missed you all! I've missed this a lot. I needed to take a much needed hiatus from blogging in order to do some maintenance on my marriage and family. It worked wonders.

You know how the holidays tend to bring out the ~~worst~~ um, best in everyone? Well, our family was no exception. Without going into too much detail (because really, who needs that?), lets just say that there was a lot of drama between families. Drama over silly things. Everyone wanted to spend time with our children, and we are really fortunate for that. I didn't have a close relationship with any of my grandparents, so to see the love and adoration between Bubba, Birdie and their grandparents is very, very cool. Obviously it goes beyond this. It goes so far, in fact, that I wondered for a solid week if my marriage would survive it. There really isn't any drama that is like family drama. It was sobering and excruciating at times, with Christmas looming and exacerbating the intense feelings. We had a nice holiday in the end, and were able to spend time with wonderful friends and family that we miss so badly living here in the City. So I took the time in the evenings after the kids were asleep (my usual blogging time) to gather my thoughts, figure out what I want and need and how to fit them around the wants and needs of my children and husband. On many nights, Dr. J and I stayed up late talking and spending quality time together- something we don't get nearly enough of when he is in school. I spent evenings talking with my mother and watching her dote upon the kids...I love the way she loves them. By the end of our trip we were all happy and filled to the brim. The kids had an absolute blast for two weeks straight, and my relationship with my husband is stronger now than it has ever been. After four years you'd think we would have it figured out, right?! It's all a work in progress, I guess.

I hope that you all had wonderful holidays. I'm looking forward to doing a lot of reading tonight and in the next week.

There are a lot of really fun things happening here on this lil' ol' blog of mine. I am so excited for 2010! Happy New Year to all of you- I'm wishing you all of the best.

Well, I didn't know that!

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:31:00 +0000

One of my favorite people and an awesome blogger, Sue from Motherhood and Me did a really fun post called "Well I Didn't Know That!". It's geared at getting know our friends and fellow bloggers a little better. I was honored when she asked me to be the guest on her very first piece!

If you feel so inclined, my interview is on her blog, HERE. Check her out if you get a second, and maybe even learn a little more about me :)

California Part Deux

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:20:00 +0000

We are here in California for the second time since moving to NYC in August. Seems like a lot, doesn't it? It actually felt like a lot during our travels. We were so excited about coming for the holidays, but the family drama and the all around difficulty of travelling with the littles just made this trip seem excessive. Or the last trip was excessive. Either way, I swore under my breath many times yesterday that this would be the last time doing this journey by myself with them. At the very least, the last time with only two seats on an airplane. Birdie is most definitely not small enough to be a "lap" passenger. It's akin -in many ways- to calling a Beagle a lap dog.

They make it look so easy.

I burst into tears when we pulled into my mom's driveway last night, with the beautiful lights on the house and the Christmas tree peeking through the window. Ahh.. Home. This, this is why we went through all of that. Nothing in the world is better than being home with your loved ones. There is a lot of loss and tragedy out there in the world... things so sad they make you physically ill when you hear about them. Death of fathers, deaths of babies, deaths of neighbors.

I can endure a difficult day filled with puke, crying, and mean JetBlue employees. I can handle much more than that I am sure, but I cannot endure what some people are going through right now, especially with the holidays here. My heart and prayers go out to those families.

Daddy is taking the biggest finals of his Dental career on Friday and flying here on Saturday. Cannot wait to have him here safe and sound and stress free!

Magic and Pixies

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 19:38:00 +0000

Everyone seems to know that New York City is magic, especially during the holidays. I have always heard that, but for some reason it never really resonated with me. It wasn't ever a priority to come here, especially during the holidays. Apparently I am the only one in the world that this is true for... and now I know why.

Around Thanksgiving, we went to Rockefeller Center to see the ice skating rink and the beautiful Christmas tree. The energy and the excitement in the air were nearly palpable.

On Thursday after preschool, I took the kids to see (THE) Santa Claus at Macy's on 34th Street. I am probably completely insane for even attempting it, but when one of the moms at preschool said that there was a subway elevator at Union Square on 14th, I was all over it. Took the subway to 34th Street, with one sleeping baby in the back of the Phil & Ted's and one tired boy in the front. Got to our stop and found only two flights of stairs, which probably meant that I took the wrong train. So I paced from one flight of stairs to the next, until I made up my mind to try to drag the stroller (all totaled, probably 170 lbs including gear) up three flights of stairs. It was probably a very hilarious and pathetic scene, and it only took about 5 tries before someone offered to come help. Long story short, after two generous helping hands (if you're out there THANK YOU!) and 4 flights of stairs, we made it to the street, and there was Macy's in all of it's glory. By the time I made it inside, up the elevators to the 8th floor and into the line, both kids were asleep and I was SQUEEEEing all over the place. I could barely contain myself, and it was in that moment that I realized that this trip was for ME and only kind of for the kids. They slept through the 50 minute line and through half of Santa's Village (which was more stressful than it was magical, honestly. The elves are cheery little pricks, rushing me along every time I tried to take a picture. If you have ever read David Sedaris' Holiday's on Ice, you know what I mean. BTW, you MUST read it. Go buy it today). When we finally got to Santa, of course Birdie starts screaming and Bubba is backing it a corner whilst tripping over himself. Eyes like saucers and completely FREAKED. Does not want any Duplo, any more. So I got to sit with Santa too and I was probably overly excited about it. We were in and out of there within probably an hour and a half and it was pretty neat... it was just so amazing to be there and live here. I can barely put it into words.

one of these things is not like the other...

While these things are what make New York City what it is, especially during the holidays, I experienced something that made me a true believer of this city's magic.
During Thanksgiving, my husband and I were lucky enough to get a night out to ourselves. This doesn't happen unless we have family in town staying with us, so we jump at the opportunity. We didn't really have a plan for where we wanted to go, so after a couple of false starts and lousy bars, we ended up at Whisky River (suggested to be by my Twitter friend Patrick). I put a dollar into the juke box and ordered the Pixies "Debasor" (a favorite from my high school days). An hour later (at about 12:45 AM) the song still hadn't come on, and we were ready to leave. As we were leaving, the bouncer asks if we had a good time, and I just mentioned that I hadn't heard my song but other than that it was good. He asked which song and when I told him, he gave me a funny look and ran outside. That was strange, but this is NYC, so we proceeded to leave. The bouncer comes back into the bar with a newspaper and starts thumbing through it, finally pointing at an ad. "The Pixies are playing live, right now, around the corner. The show starts at 1AM, if you run you can make it". NO. WAY. I have been waiting for 12 years to see the Pixies in person, they were my all time favorite band (still are). So we thank him and start running. The streets were all closed for the Thanksgiving parade the next day, but they let us in when we told them we were looking for the Hammerstein Ballroom. The feeling of running in the cold, empty streets of NYC on the eve of Thanksgiving was absolutely and totally surreal. The show was sold out, but there was a lone scalper standing outside with two tickets. We paid for the tickets and made our way inside, where the band had already begun. We made our way through the crowd to the stage and sang along with every word, dancing and laughing. I felt like I was 17 again.

I love my children with all that I am, but it was rejuvenating for my soul to step away from them for a night and reconnect with myself and my husband. I didn't know how much I needed it until we left the house, and after this night I will be good for a while. The magic of this night, complete with Pixies, was enough to make me fall in love with this city all over again.

"Time to Talk" Day Interviews Part II

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 14:21:00 +0000

"Time to Talk" Day brought me to the Liz Claiborne Inc. headquarters in Times Square. This was a dream of mine when I was in school for fashion design. I dreamed of someday sitting in a huge fashion house, talking with celebrities and magazine editors. As I sat at my table, having just wrapped up my interview with Peter Hermann, I was in a state of excitement and disbelief, knowing I was there for a reason far beyond fashion and celebrities and magazines. I had no idea that with less than a moments notice I would be handed a bio and interviewing Kim Davidson.

Kim Davidson is the President and Founder if Kari's Candle of Hope, and a founding member of MADE (Moms and Dads for Education to Stop Teen Dating Abuse). Kim's daughter Kari Ann Gorman was murdered by her abusive boyfriend last year. She was 18 years old and had just graduated high school. Kari had been dating her boyfriend for roughly 7 months; She was a cheerleader, he was the quarterback of the football team. There was no physical abuse in the relationship until the day he killed her. Over the course of the 7 months, her boyfriend became increasingly controlling and possessive. Kari lost her spark and her bubbly attitude was all but gone. The night that she went to break up with him, he threatened her if she didn't stay with him. The next day, she went to pick up her belongings from his home and he shot her with his mother in the house and then shot himself in the cemetery where his father was buried.

Fast forward to December 3rd, 2009. I am seated across from Kim and her daughter Amanda, Kari's sister. I have very little experience with death, but I do have a sister and a mother that I am very, very close to. I don't know how to begin speaking to this person who has lost her daughter to such tragic violence, but she is here to talk to ME. Her mission has become Kari's legacy and she has come a long, long way. "I’m trying to bring teen dating violence education to every state in the country one state at a time. Back home we started a foundation in Kari’s memory to run workshops to train teachers, to take the curriculum into the schools. I think that’s where it’s got to start. Kids talk to other kids, and if we have this education in schools, it is compounding on parents talking to their teens which is a very hard thing to do. That fine line, how much do you say before you push them closer to the other person. Definitely their peers are a huge influence when they get to that age. Younger ages the curriculum teaches them what healthy relationships are and how to treat other people, so that as they grow up they wont think that constant text messages are normal, like so many teens do now.

The Davidson's are from a tiny community in Upstate New York. I wondered how a town handled something like this, and if they were responsive. How did she pick herself up and get this ball rolling so much in the last year?

"I just didn’t think it was an option. This was something I was supposed to do".

“Everyone has been very supportive in helping the legislation come through, to the point where its at, it’s been introduced. I started doing research, we found a press release of Lyndsay's Law and started reading it. We went to the law library, got a copy of the law and started writing to senators and assembly people and enclosed a copy of the law with a letter and I had a senator and assembly woman both introduce it into the senate in the house. I thought it was going to keep steamrolling, but then the breaks came on. It's in the House and in the Board of Education.

Kari's sister, Amanda had some of the most powerful things to say about teen violence. "Caring is different than controlling. I think younger people mistake controlling for caring all the time, and I think that with more education and more positive influences in their life, they are less able to be controlled because they know the difference".

I wasn't prepared to talk with someone so close to this issue. I was probably like most of you... perhaps not comfortable and certainly not used discussing domestic violence. After talking with these women, I was completely inspired by their courage and their cause, and I am humbled by the platform that I have here, in this little blog, to champion that cause.

MADE is working with the National Foundation for Women Legislators (NFWL) and their outstanding members to support the introduction of legislation to teach about teen dating abuse and violence. MADE aims to strengthen the pathways to healthy dating relationships and take the essential steps to break the cycle of relationship violence in the future.

MADE has also teamed up with REDBOOK, and I was fortunate to speak with Melanie Mannarino, the Deputy Executive Editor of REDBOOK magazine. REDBOOK helped launch MADE last December and has continued to cover the work of MADE.

"I have been in women’s magazines my entire career. First the teen market, and now women with Stacy Morrison, who’s our Editor in Chief at REDBOOK. She and I both got involved in domestic violence awareness work at Marie Claire magazine and so it was there where we joined up with the Liz Claiborne Inc. to really make domestic violence awareness sort of a lynch pin campaign for us every year."

"So we do in book features trying to get the readers attention on this issue in different ways because of course nobody likes to talk about domestic violence (but everyone reads magazines!). We made it a major cause for us every year, so whenever we feel there is a certain story we want to tell, certainly in conjunction with It’s Time to Talk day, and so we have run feature stories on what to do if you think a friend is being abused, or a co-worker. We just want to make readers comfortable with the topic and also give them some tools if they every come across this in their own life, whether directly or indirectly. What was really wonderful was last year when we partnered with Liz Claiborne Inc. on their MADE campaign, we asked our readers to volunteer to be MADE action leaders. So we picked two from each state to help Liz Claiborne and we got such an overwhelming response, it was so fantastic, but the nice thing there was we got some sad stories but others that just wanted to help. People not only shared sad stories when we asked them to join our MADE campaign, but they shared their inspiration for prevention. There is such a tendency with this issue to say 'Well that wouldn't happen to me, so I'm not going to pay attention to this', and how we’ve always tried to address it in the magazine is like, ok you don’t think it will happen to you, fine, lets set that aside. It might happen to someone you know, and we want to help you figure out what to do if it does. In that way, frankly, I'm sure we are also helping the woman who is secretly knows that she is in this predicament herself and she is going to read the article, and hopefully she’ll read the hot lines and phone numbers that we we include at the end. We’re doing our best to spread the word and destigmatize it."

I attended this event to learn more about domestic abuse. I never knew that it would affect me at the highest level, but when you are literally face to face with the effects, it is nearly impossible to not be moved. I am contributing to raise awareness about this issue by writing here, and I hope that even if this isn't something that you are used to, that you will retain some of the information and use it as you see that it's necessary.

The legislature will be coming to your state, please stay tuned.

Wordless Wednesday

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 22:34:00 +0000

(Wanting my healthy baby back!)

"Time to Talk" Day, the Interviews Part I with Peter Hermann

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 02:28:00 +0000

Last Thursday, I was honored to attend Liz Claiborne's "Time to Talk" day concerning Domestic Violence Awareness. Many different groups, individuals, companies and celebrities came together to talk about domestic violence. When I was initially invited, I didn't really know what to expect. I am not used to talking about domestic violence, and I am most certainly not used to being face to face with it. I would think that many of you aren't used to it either, but the statistic is that one in three women will experience, or know someone who experienced, some type of domestic abuse in their lifetime. You read that right. One in three. So why isn't it talked about more? If this blog ever serves any purpose for the greater good, I truly hope that it touches one of you out there as it did me. Speaking with a mother whose daughter was murdered by her boyfriend last year touched me, moved me, rocked me to my core and reduced me to tears. It made me remember an unhealthy relationship that I was in that I hadn't revisited since, and I sat, stunned, realizing that I was the statistic. I was one of the "lucky" ones.

Fortunately for future generations there are people, movements and organizations that work every day to bring this issue out into the open. By removing the stigma and being able to talk about what's going on, victims will feel more comfortable discussing their situation and ultimately remove themselves from it.

Peter Hermann in an actor (Edge of Darkness with Mel Gibson-coming soon, Cashmere Mafia, Law and Order), and is the co-founder of the Joyful Heart Foundation with his wife, Mariska Hargitay. The Joyful Heart Foundation runs retreat programs for survivors of sexual assault and child abuse. We initially started talking about our children, he has a son that is very close to Bubba's age. "You know, it’s strange when you have a kid, and then you start to think of how you want the world to look when he’s 5, 10, 15 so you want to plant the seeds so that they will bear fruit in 5 or 10 years in a positive way. My wife and I were at a dinner in Washington DC earlier this year, it was a Cancer event, and this woman sat down and said 'Nice to meet you I’m so and so, and I’m a 30 year cancer survivor'. That wasn’t all that she was, but that was simply part of what she had gone through and that’s why she was there. Our vision is that is that someday someone will someday be able to sit down at a table and say 'I’m a survivor of sexual abuse; I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse; I’m a survivor of rape', and not have the needle skip off the record and have the person sitting across from them not know what to say. Because it’s not what defines them, it’s simply something that happened to them and it’s not their fault and they don’t need to carry the shame. It's an unjust stigma in the sense that the shame belongs to the perpetrator and not the victim."

I took that cue and brought up Violence Unsilenced, a blog started by dear Maggie that offers an online forum, anonymous or not, where victims can share their stories, and find their voice. "We who are active in the blogosphere have a responsibility to listen to our friends and to spread the word, so that we can strip abusers of this critical power. I also believe very, very strongly in the cathartic power of writing". When I explained this blog to Peter, stating clearly that while I have nothing to do with that blog, per say, I believe that it offers a great place for readers and victims to tell their story. He agreed wholeheartedly, and shared the story of how his wife came to start the JHF. "My wife, Mariska Hargitay, works on a TV show. She plays detective Benson on Law and Order Special Victims Unit and she started getting these letters. She’s gotten tons of fan mail before on others shows saying ‘I like your work, I like your show' etc., can you send me a head shot, can you send me an autograph'. She plays detective in a sex crimes unit (on this show) and she started getting letters. ‘My name is Emily, I’m 16 years old, and my father’s been raping me since I was 12'. The letters just started coming in, coming in, coming in, coming in. Tons, all the time". In response to these letters, she started the JHF. "It’s interesting because the motto of the police is to 'protect and to serve', and that was her way of protecting and serving. I think that it showed to what degree that the community out there is so desperate to be heard, and they saw an advocate on television and they said 'That is who I’m going to tell my story to."

This is where Peter Hermann sat. I forgot to take a picture of him. Of course.

This is what he really looks like. Now you know why I forgot I even had a camera.

In addition to helping survivors of abuse, the foundation also goes deeper into the roots of the system. "The Joyful Heart Foundation runs retreat and community programs for survivors, and one of them is called “Heal the Healers”. The therapists, hot line advocates, emergency room workers, ambulance drivers, policemen/women, forensic doctors and psychiatrists, all the people that serve this population are so tired and are so infused with secondary trauma that they just need a break. And no one is going to them and saying ‘you need to step off the playing field and you need to recover' especially because 70% of that population gets into that work because of their own trauma. They are led into it in an incredible and beautiful way, because part of their journey also includes some abuse. So they have that in their past and hear this stuff day in and day out, so we’re running programs for that population. We just did a retreat program in Austin Texas for the Leadership of the National Domestic Violence Hotline where they get to recover and that's been a very fruitful area that we are going into. We serve this therapist who serves his population of however many and the influence spreads exponentially."

If you would like more information about the Joyful Heart Foundation, you can find them here: http://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org

One for the Books

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 01:56:00 +0000

This has been a week for the books. You know, the baby books that I never write in anymore (*SOB*). In many ways, this past week was groundbreaking, eye-opening, tear educing, and beyond fulfilling. There's no other way to share it than to just lay it out there for you.

Monday night, famished after the seventh hour of playing DUPLO, Bubba and I decide to share a bag of pistachio nuts. Immediately, he starts complaining that he has "ouchies" in his mouth. Then the vomiting started. I called the pediatrician, and am put on hold for SEVEN minutes-during which he goes from mild discomfort to heavy, profuse vomiting and wheezing. I am told by the on-call doctor to take him straight to the emergency room, so I threw some coats on both of us and literally RAN to the ER with him in the stroller (The ER is very close to our apartment too, it would have taken too long to wait for a cab or call 911). I will say that it was a totally surreal and dramatic experience, running him to the ER. I felt like I was The Fugitive or something. By the time we got there, he was in a full blown severe allergic reaction. They gave him Benadryl (which I had given him at home as well) and steroids to calm down the reaction. It was absolutely terrifying. I held him on our bed in the ER for five hours, he slept while I listened to the stories outside of our curtain, feeling entirely grateful for his returning health. The ER is a very, very scary place to be.

Wednesday morning, I bundle the kids up and we head over to the pediatrician's office to do some allergy testing. Bubba is a total champion kid, didn't even flinch when they drew his blood.

Thursday: I take the kids to Bubba's preschool, come home, put the kids down for a nap and get ready to head over to Times Square for my very first blogging event ("Time to Talk" Day for Domestic Violence Awareness). I arrive with time to spare and immediately they toss Peter Hermann into my lap. AHEM. Not literally ~~I wish~~. I am so flustered that I probably make a fool out of myself and then completely forget to take any pictures of him and record only half of the interview. Fail. My next interview was so emotionally intense that I felt like I was kicked in the stomach. I am not a journalist, and I don't know how they do what they do (funny, I always wanted to be one until someone told me I was a jerk for aspiring to be a journalist). So I brushed off my tears and continued with the questions. I will post these HOPEFULLY tomorrow, I just got done transcribing them. It's been hectic around here. During the interviews, I get a call from the pediatrician saying that yes, Bubba is in fact severely allergic to pistachios, cashews and walnuts. He must stay away from all nuts, at all times. COMPLETE shock. No where in our family is there a nut allergy. I'm still baffled.

After the interviews are over, I hop into the subway and head over to Pranna where BlogHer is hosting their Holiday Party. On the way to the party, I see a HankyPanky panty sample sale. I couldn't resist, of course, so I loaded up on panties and headed to the party. This is also my first BlogHer event. I don't have any business cards (but I've got plenty of panties!) and this is a networking event. Networking without business cards- EPIC fail. So I just mingle around with people and at the end of the party, head to the coat check with two new friends. They are there when I pick up my coat and panties. Parting words from my new "friends"? "We'll help you and your bag of panties grab a cab" with loud, heavy laughter. Fail.

That night, Z develops a fever of 102.5. She woke up with a 103 degree fever again on Friday, and being that it was almost the weekend, I want to get her seen. Not to mention her history with febrile seizures, I don't mess with fevers. We've been rotating Tylenol and Motrin since Thursday night. So we get bundled up and head to the pediatrician's office, a few blocks away. No sign of anything amiss, the doctor diagnoses her as having Roseola... a virus that starts with three days of fever and then ends with a nasty rash. So we head home and do not leave the house the entire weekend. HUGE cabin fever weekend bonus: It started snowing on Saturday, and it was absolutely breathtaking.

Z's temp crept up all weekend long, until this morning when we woke, it was at 104.2. This is easily the highest I have ever seen, so I bundle the kids up and head downstairs to grab a cab. No way am I going to walk these sick babies (J also had a temp of 101) outside in the 30 degree weather for 15 minutes. As it turns out, getting a cab at 8:30 in the morning is next to impossible in NYC. Yet another rookie mistake. Panicked, I start running to the pedi with Z in my arms and Bubba at my side while Dr. J tried unsuccessfully to hail a cab. I am cursing the city, cursing the cabs and the people in them all the way to the office, where we showed up 15 minutes late. We were back and forth to that office all day trying to get blood and urine work done, and finally at 7PM we left the office with good, yet frustrating results: Negative all the way around, except for some dehydration. It's a virus and there isn't anything we can do about it. She went down again tonight at 103.3 and I will be up all night, again, checking on her. I'm drained, and I just want my babies healthy again.

I should add that Dr. J has begun finals week in his first semester at Dental School at NYU. This is, without a doubt, the most stressed I have ever seen him, and there isn't anything I can do about it. Fail.

On the bright side, we leave for California again next Tuesday, and I have a TON of stuff I want to get done before then. Christmas in NYC is one of the most amazing things I have ever seen and I want to experience it all! Providing the children are healthy, of course.

"It's Time to Talk"

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 18:14:00 +0000

Momma's Gone City is participating in Liz Claiborne Inc’s sixth annual It’s Time to Talk Day a day dedicated to ensuring that Americans speak-up about a subject that most people simply prefer not to discuss — domestic violence. It’s Time to Talk Day events will be held nationwide, including at the Department of Justice in Washington, DC with Attorney General Eric Holder and Education Secretary Arne Duncan. I will be participating in a “Talk Radio Row” on domestic violence at Liz Claiborne headquarters in New York. Major partners for this year’s event include The Department of Justice, CBS Evening News, REDBOOK, Seventeen, DoSomething.org, one, MTV, the Joyful Heart Foundation, Talkers Magazine and Talk Radio News Service. For more information visit www.loveisnotabuse.com

Please join me on Twitter (I'll be tweeting with hash tag #timetotalk from the event) and posting my interviews tomorrow.

Wordless Wednesday

jessica.chenevey@gmail.com (Jessica) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 01:33:00 +0000