Ms. Tantrum

Finding Happy

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 19:21:00 +0000

I know I promised that I would blog all the time, but things changed RAPIDLY over the last few months...things that were bigger than blogging in the middle of it all.

First, I moved out of the compound with forty two cats, three kangaroos, two giraffes, six dogs and a wildebeest and into a condo with my lovely friends who had an extra room and the willingness to put up with me while I went through the divorce from Mr. Tantrum. They have been amazing at supporting me and my wild schedule, and are so much fun.

Bacon has adjusted somewhat to the new arrangement. He is still at the compound in his bedroom with all of his things, and at his school. I have him three days a week, two after school and on Sunday. This helps keep the much needed AUTISM routine and prevents complete and utter breakdown. It is weird being at the compound on the days that I have him during the week...but it is what is easiest for Bacon, and that is all I care about right now.

I am working on getting a third job, because hello...I cannot sit still, and have lots of bills to pay. I am trying to find an apartment closer into the city avoiding the whole 50 mile a day commute back and forth to the sticks. Eventually the goal is to have a condo in the city...and maybe have Bacon come live with me. (If he wants to....he's still a little upset that I left Mr. T, and it is going to take some time for him to fully understand that.)

I have also found myself and happiness. I found that despite being scared shit less when I left, the freedom that came with happiness allowed me to realize what I really want in my life. That the thing that was holding me back in my marriage was not in fact my ex husband, it was me. I realize that by trying to hold things together in an effort to appear perfect and beautiful and wonderful I was actually hurting myself. Admitting that I wasn't happy, and walking away was the best thing for all of us.

This new journey is amazing, and wonderful, and I can't wait to share it with all of you.

Hibernation? No...Total CHAOS!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 17:43:00 +0000

I haven't been ignoring all of you. Remember when I told you about Betty, and my job and how I love it? Yeah, well, a LOT has happened since then.

First Betty and I planned a trip to the beach, a girls weekend. Right before we left the salon owner informed us that she was leaving because she "needed a job with insurance" and she was starting that "job with insurance" the following Monday. Leaving Betty and I to run a salon.

Second we found out that the other reason she left was that she was far behind on the rent with the landlord and he was SUING her. (Where she took the money we gave her for rent we aren't sure.) The landlord loves us, redid the lease for us all new and shiny, and is happy as a clam. We big puffy heart him.

Third we sort of flipped out.

Finally, we got it together and in no particular order: finished remodeling the salon, found a kick ass stylist to come in and rent the third station (even if it did take 6 weeks), amped business back up, got our heads sort of back on straight, sent our children back to school, found a really amazing hamburger place, became addicted to sandwiches, and have also taken to using far more hair and self tanning products than normal.

I also have been busy doing wedding makeup, wedding hair, and booking more manicures and pedicures with the latest technology in gel polish (the stuff stays on for THREE WEEKS) than I can shake a stick at. I love it.

I always wanted to own or be co-owner of a salon, just maybe not be THROWN into it like a football at the forty yard line.

Bacon is doing well in spite of Momma working eleventy billion hours. He actually kind of WANTS to spend time with me now when I am home, and is doing well at school. (On the days he doesn't come home with 12 referrals for calling some adult a doody head, or pouring milk on another kid. He's 6...boys do weird stuff.) I am still exhausted, but it is now a happy exhausted, and am finding I don't need as much coffee to keep me going. STRANGE, I know.

I promise to update more often now that everything is settling into order and there are no more walls to paint or spackle for a while. I have missed all of you....and have missed out on telling you all the HILARIOUS stories about some of the crazies that come into our lives on a daily basis!!

Sailing Away....

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 23:03:00 +0000

I am so excited about leaving tomorrow for some Rest and Relaxation. I cannot wait. Especially since Bacon's sleep study is COMPLETE, and we have no other pending medical appointments for a while.

They moved the study to Monday because they had a cancellation which was GREAT. We checked in to the sleep lab at 8pm, and Cheryl got Bacon all ready to go. He got to jump on the hotel bed (yes our sleep lab is in the 5th floor of a HOTEL! This makes patients more relaxed since there isn't that icky hospital smell!), crank up the television and run down the hall. Then he sat and watched GARFIELD while she attached eleventy billion wires and doo dads to his head, chest legs and face. There were so many wires that they zipped them up in a tube like thing that then made him appear to be some kind of Star Trek cyborg. He had a REALLY hard time with the tubes they put up his nose, but after some GIANT tears he fell asleep and did beautifully on the infrared camera, and hooked to the wires.

After the study was over he got to take a shower and then we headed down to the breakfast buffet. They had scrambled eggs, sausage, waffles, bagels, oatmeal, donuts, toast, and more. Bacon settled for a bowl of plain Cheerios, a biscuit (like the fluffy kind from KFC) and a Pepsi. SERIOUSLY. Mr. T and I just sat and the table and laughed hysterically.

Bacon does NOT need surgery to remove any body parts. He does have sleep apnea, but we are treating it for environmental allergies before we do anything else. He also has restless leg syndrome, so we went today and had some blood work done to determine if he needs iron supplements etc. I am also trying the bar of soap in the bed trick that a client told me about. We will see where we end up. I am just relieved it is all over.

I am also ready to head off into the sunset with Betty, sit on the beach all weekend and maybe drink some wine and eat grown up food. No kids screaming for bums to be wiped, no husbands pawing at us for anything...although I think they may be calling us to see how we are....I am also ready to not feel guilty for enjoying a little time to rest and relax. I deserve it after all!

Psychosis

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 15:53:00 +0000

This week has been full of doctor visits. Two trips to the psychologist for Bacon, one to the sleep study clinic and one trip to Urgent Care for Mr. T. It has made me tired, and sick.

It started on Sunday when Mr. T woke up so swollen that we thought we would have to cut off his wedding ring. Fortunately, with some cold water and butter it came off only scraping the first three layers of skin off his finger. He still appeared to have hands that looked like Mikey Mouse's gloves. He decided that he should go to the doctor. (The man never goes to the doctor, so I knew it was serious.) It was decided by the doctor that he had some sort of allergic reaction to something he touched, and was given benadryl, and some other anti itch stuff. He also FINALLY asked about his 1200 year old cough, and got an asthma diagnosis. With an inhaler he has not coughed once this week, for the first time in 1200 years!

The first trip to the psychologist was just for Mr. T and I to consult with him. Bacon went yesterday for the first time. I assumed that he would observe and talk to him, but of course you know what happens when you ass-u-me....Instead he told Bacon that we could go to the toy store a few blocks over once he answered a couple of questions for him.

Bacon took forever to decide to answer the questions.

He paced the hall, rolled on the floor, shoved his hand down my shirt and grabbed my boob, said he had a headache, and went to the restroom 4 times.

Finally when the doctor said time was up and we wouldn't be able to go, he answered the questions. We got to go to the toy store.

Mr. T and I got a LOT of homework.

The sleep study consult went well, he will go in and be hooked up to monitors on the 12th. And they will more than likely decide that his tonsils need to come out. I just hope we can get it all done and over before school starts. He is thrilled to have the sleep study done because he saw it on the show HOUSE and HOUSE is really cool.

Now, today, I will be headed to the doctor because the cold that Bacon brought home from school has moved into my chest and between the coughing and burning I have been keeping myself awake at night. More than likely bronchitis...which is so much fun to have in the middle of summer, but thankfully a little antibiotic treatment and I should be better in time for the next round of trips to the doctors.

Betty and Me

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 02:50:00 +0000

I love my job. I may have mentioned that a few times lately, but I really do. I have great clients, and a great little (and by little I mean like less than 1000 square feet) salon, and great co-workers.

One of them and I have become very marvelous friends.

We have lunch, text each other before bed, and even got our boys together to beat the crap out of each other's "NUTS" while we squared away insurance.

This of course translates into our husbands - both on the same day mind you - thinking that we are somehow secret lovers.

We went to a marvelous lunch yesterday in the Belmont neighborhood and then got tiny little cupcakes after. Betty's husband called on her cell and asked what we were doing. "We just got cupcakes." she told him.

"DUCT TAPE?" Mr. Betty replied

"NO! C-U-P-C-A-K-E-S!" Betty screamed into her phone

"Are you two going to tape each other together with that duct tape?" Mr. Betty asked all excited like.

"NO!! CAKE!! WE HAVE CAKE!!" Betty screamed before hanging up on him

We giggled uncontrollably at how bad his hearing is and continued on to acupuncture.

Then I came home and was asked the following line of questioning:

"Where'd you get the bag of goodies?" Mr. T asked

"At Zupan's and Saint Cupcake."

"What were you doing down there?"

"I was with Betty. We had lunch."

"What is going on with you two? Are you secret lovers or something?" Mr. T asked excitedly

I ignored his question, threw a shoe at his head and went to sleep. Clearly neither Mr. T or Mr. Betty understand the importance of girl bonding. Especially when you live in a house of all men - Betty has 3 boys under the age of 16, and I have Mr. T and Bacon - and eleventy billion animals. Somehow I don't see things letting up either, because sometimes it sounds like Mr. Betty and Mr. T are the same person...and I am sure that once we get them together to kick each other in the nuts things will be worse...MUCH WORSE!!

Lessons Learned

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 17:14:00 +0000

Nana Tantrum raised me, so very little shocks her. She rolls with it when the kids say weird stuff or throw a hissy fit on the floor. She is really good at that, thanks to all her experience with me and my brother. However two weeks ago when Bacon asked her about earwigs and babies she fell on the floor and nearly died.

I think it went like this:

"OH WOW!! LOOK!! An EARWIG!!" says Nana

"AWESOME!" the grandchildren chime in unison

"Nana?" asks Bacon, "Do earwig babies come out of their momma's butts?"

That is when Nana fell on the floor and died or fainted or stroked out or something.

When I arrived that evening for dinner I got scornful looks and questions about the butt thing.

It turns out that the whole thing started in May when we were driving Bacon to school past the horses and the cows and one was giving birth. We thought this would be a good "teaching" opportunity, and a good time to "witness the miracle of life" for all of us so we pulled over to watch. The baby was born and Bacon cheered and we went to school.

A few weeks ago Mr. Tantrum and I were watching "I didn't know I was Pregnant" on the health channel when Bacon was in bed and supposed to be asleep. OF COURSE HE WASN'T ASLEEP BECAUSE HE NEVER SLEEPS and might just be a cyborg, and burst into our room right as the actress got on all fours and pushed that baby out onto the gurney. From that he deciphered that babies come out of butts, and I was fine with that.

I didn't realize that he would then hold on to this knowledge for eternity and use it against me in the Nana court of law. But he did, and I had to explain all of this craziness. Nana was fine with it, but I think that she is still secretly shocked and appalled that he asked her that.

I have learned that any "miracle of life" or "teaching" opportunities should be passed on...and he can find out about all of that when he is a parent and his children ask Mr. Tantrum and myself if babies come out of bug's butts.

Eleventy Billion Reasons We Can't See Your Baby

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 16:29:00 +0000

I forgot to let the world know that the newest member of our extended family arrived on July 17th. Bacon and his little cousin did not have to witness the birth (much to my relief) and as of yet none of the immediate Tantrum 3 have seen the baby.

Which of course Bacon doesn't fail to remind me every.other.minute.of.the.day.

We would have gone to see them at the hospital, but Bacon had diarrhea.

Once the diarrhea was cleared up he got a Sea Lion like cough from his best friend at summer camp.

Then on Friday while driving out to see Nana Tantrum for dinner he puked three times when we were ONE BLOCK FROM OUR destination.

Thankfully, Bacon was just overheated/carsick, and was fine once I got him home and settled in. He still has the Sea Lion cough however, and I don't think that ANYONE I know would like their baby to get that at not even 10 days old. (Although these are the same people that thought everyone would like to see the video of said baby coming out of her mother's vagina, so you never can be certain about these things.)

That said, Bacon still cries/screams/whines that he hasn't seen his baby cousin yet. When I try to explain he replies that there is no sickness in him and he just wants to look at her and feed her tomatoes.

He also now wants a baby sister or a big sister or maybe a donkey. He really isn't sure. I have tried all the usual distraction techniques: "LOOK! AN EAGLE!", dancing around and making up stupid songs, telling him I am booked solid at work, or just falling asleep. Maybe if I get him a donkey he'll quit asking for a sibling, somehow though I doubt it, he'll just want a saddle to ride the pony and a sibling to walk it around the ring for him.

Just for Mrs. De Elba

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 02:58:00 +0000

I was surfing the internets this evening looking at weird stuff while finishing my Merlot. I came across the perfect gift for my good friend Mrs. De Elba. I just wonder if then by wearing this she would spend all day barfing from the smell. I know I probably would. What's next Eau de Baby Barf?

Tantrums Galore

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 17:12:00 +0000

This weekend was all about "family fun" for the three of us Tantrums. We went to the Oregon Coast on Sunday and climbed to the top of a lighthouse, visited an aquarium, walked on the beach and ate seafood. It was a nice day and despite a few outbursts from Bacon it really was great.

Monday however was something straight out of a horror film.

We took Bacon to see Despicable Me at the theatre and he sat through the whole thing. (Usually movies in the theatre result in 200 trips to the men's room.) As we left things got ugly. He screamed that he wanted to stay at the theatre and that we were mean. We got him in the car and it got worse, he jumped over the seat and started punching and screaming and clawing at Mr. Tantrum. Snot was flying, tears were flowing and he just kept at it. After taking away TV, video games, computer games and summer camp he still kept going. I finally whipped out my phone and started videoing the antics and he stopped.

Mr. Tantrum and I were exhausted, and feeling defeated. We aren't sure what to do or how to make this stop. He behaves badly and then immediately says he's sorry only to turn around and do it all again 2 minutes later. We explained what saying your sorry means, but he still doesn't get it.

I'm still exhausted and ripping out my hair trying to figure out just what to do and how to handle this. We have tried homeopathy, and clearly that is only helping his bathroom accidents, and after taking an online quiz it looks like he may also have Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Do we medicate for that? Do we try to use a psychotherapist? Do we just start drinking heavily and let him destroy the house and everything around him?

I don't know what to do. So today I am asking for your suggestions, help and what has worked for you. I am going to call and see if we can get in with his less than helpful pediatrician for some help too...But right now if I have to deal with one more of these fits, I may just end up in the nut house myself. If only for some peace and quiet.

Summer Loving

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 23:22:00 +0000

Summer has hit with a bang here in Portland. It was a high of about 58 on the 4th of July and today, the 7th of July the mercury is pushing 100. I love it, in fact, I always can count on the weather being like that here. It is nice to rely on it.

Everyone else in the state however is all "OMG!! The heat! I'm MELTING!" Of course the local news channels are no help with their "Summer Twenty Ten Weather Alerts" every other minute of the day.

We don't often get THIS hot here, and normally we have a gradual increase from 50 to 100, but this year no such luck. Deal with it people. Oregon is EXTREME anyway. We are one of the best places to live, but also the 39th fattest. We have more blue voters than red, and all kinds of weird recycling and other "save the earth" type stuff that I haven't seen anywhere else in the country.

If you need me I will be out in the kiddy pool getting my tan on. It is time I soaked up some real brown instead of the stuff out of the bottle...lord knows the real vitamin D will do me some good!

Fear and Birthing in Portland

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 17:09:00 +0000

The Tantrum extended family is awaiting the birth of a baby. A girl, and she should be here around the end of July. This is exciting and nerve wracking all at once. It is also becoming a battle over who should do what when and all of that.

Mostly because my MIL wants to be there for the birth of her third grandchild. (Which I totally understand and get.) What I don't get is that she wants Bacon and his cousin Little Monkey to go along for all the doctor appointments leading up to this. She doesn't seem to understand that I am not ready for my 6 year old Aspie to learn that babies come shooting out of vagina's, and that I don't think that it is something that he needs to be a part of. She doesn't get this. She thinks that everyone in the free world should be in the room to watch the baby shoot out of her vagina. She also doesn't seem to understand that Bacon is my child and Mr. Tantrum and I agree on the fact that he is far to young to be scarred with that kind of thing.

I mean I didn't even want to see my babies shooting out of my vagina.

In the meantime I will be coming home from work early to watch the boys so granny can go to the doctor's appointment. I will also keep thinking up ways to make more money to pay for the day camp that Bacon will be going to since granny will be tied up with the new baby. I was thinking about selling my rotten eggs to a fertility clinic, but then realized that they can't get them out, and how much do people really pay for rotten eggs anyway. You probably get a lot more when you are skinny and twenty something anyway.

I think I will also just be drunk from now until the end of July. That way it will make all of this chaos. Plus when it is all over I can go to Betty Ford for a couple of months to unwind and relax in peace.

Shave and a Haircut?

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 22:00:00 +0000

The weather here in Oregon has been dismal. So dismal that we have set records for the coldest/wettest June in over 55 years. It stinks. However we had a couple of glorious days of sunshine last weekend, and all the men were out in shorts with knee socks and sandals, and all the women were out in Capri's with their white legs showing. The kids rolled in the dirt, jumped on their trampolines and managed to get filthy.

Mine managed to get pitch in his hair and not tell anyone. For FOUR DAYS.

Then he went ahead and decided to use the safety scissors when Granny was going to the potty for two seconds, and cut all the pitch out of his hair. He made it look like this:

He of course didn't tell Granny what he had done, he waited until she looked at him weirdly when they were eating lunch and asked if Mommy or Daddy had cut his hair.

"No. I did it." He told her.

"Actually buddy it looks kind of uneven, you think Granny can even it up for you?"

"No! It's perfect!"

At some point she managed to snap some pictures and send them to Mr. Tantrum and myself (I was at work at the BEAUTY SALON I work at) and I had a mild stroke when seeing them. I showed them to the girls at the salon and they agreed it was time for a buzz cut. However Granny had already taken care of that and sent me the after picture.

After seeing it I had a MASSIVE STROKE, and then decided I needed to go home. On the long drive home I realized that it was only hair, and it would grow back. I also decided that since summer would be coming soon it was like a field cut for a first grader, and now I didn't have to fight about washing hair, sweatiness or foul odors. He loves the new cut and shows it off to everyone.

He knew what he had done was not a good choice because he hid the scissors under the pile of hair in the garbage can. He also promises us when we leave for work that he won't cut his hair, the cat's hair, the dog's hair or anyone else's hair until he can go to beauty school and get a license. Which is a relief for now...I am sure that there will be some other hair related episode here soon....I just hope that it isn't too soon!

Oh, Hi. I have a blog?

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 22:53:00 +0000

I have gotten more than a few comments about how I haven't been blogging lately. Yeah, I am a lazy mom, who was finishing school and getting all settled in the house with eleventy billion people, twelve cats, fourteen dogs and twelve fish. Making it to the bathroom to pee on most days is nothing short of a minor miracle, much less finding time to do something other than Facebook, when I am on the computer.

I have graduated from beauty school, and did it over 7 weeks early! I am working in a lovely LITTLE salon with two friends from high school as the nail tech. I love going to work everyday, and am so lucky to do something that I really honestly do LOVE. (Okay, so having to call 911 today because a homeless man who was drunk came in and wanted to kill himself was not something I loved, but you know you win some and you lose some.)

Bacon turned 6 and has only 2 days left of kindergarten. He has had an amazing year, and made some fantastic friends. His teachers are amazing, and I would very much not be opposed to marrying them, if only polygamy was legal in Oregon.

Getting situated in the house has been okay. There have been no further raccoon attacks, and no wild horses to wrangle, which is a relief. I have heard a lot of coyotes lately at night though and think that they may need to be shot here shortly. AND we see deer every day and lots of bunnies. It is nice to be able to hear nature at night when you sit outside and not cars and screaming.

The strange diet has gotten weirder and is even more restricted, although I am not at all doing good about sticking to it. I just hope that my doctor can soon decide whether or not I can stop it so she can just do the colonoscopy already. I mean she'll probably have to do it anyway so why eat a bunch of stuff that tastes nasty and makes me all bloated anyway!

I hope you are all well and still a little interested in the hi jinx that go on in casa de Tantrum...I have really missed writing and "chatting" with you all!

We All Fall Down

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 05:54:00 +0000

The first few weeks of the New Year of self discovery have been...um, jacked up. Well, mostly health wise, and mostly in really freaky ways that I wouldn't expect. Making things chaotic and more freaktastic than normal.

First, was the one where Max my boy pug ate so much kitty roca that he ended up with impacted bowels and couldn't poop. So I took him to the vet and spent $200 only to have him crap all over the floor before I even got to pay the bill.

Then there was the one where we all saw a naturopath who gave us remedies. I was optimistic that this would improve our health, but instead got an ear that hurt like hell and bled. I stopped taking the little pellets and my ear feels better. It is probably a coincidence, but I am not taking any chances after what happened last night.

At 10:30 Mr. Tantrum came to tell me that he was taking his dad to the Emergency Room. I promptly went from almost asleep to panic mode. I also then didn't sleep a wink all night.

It appears now that my Father in Law was experiencing numbness in his right side, and had been advised to go to the ER to get checked out. That advice was good because it appears that he had a mild stroke. He spent the night in the hospital and most of the day there having every test run and being monitored. Neither of these things are calming for him. He is exactly like me, Type A over achiever that cannot sit still if we are sedated and tied to a chair.

We have run the gamut of emotions today from sheer terror to laughter about what he now can have. (Someone suggested shots of Olive Oil, someone else a diet of entirely celery and Hawthorne berry.) About all I finally feel is relief that he is going to be okay, and that there is no long term damage from the incident.

I am thankful that when he actually had the stroke he was with someone that actually got him to sit down and take an aspirin. (He thought he was having a mild heart attack or something....which either way the aspirin more than likely broke up the clot.)

I am thankful that we all will continue to be together (all 19,000 of us, cats, dogs, sheep and koalas) for a lot longer. I am worried about my parents too, because they aren't old enough for this stuff, and heck my father in law is a really healthy guy. But the stress of the last year probably didn't help with this either.....stress increases Blood Pressure and other things. So we are going to cook better, lower fat fresher foods that still taste good, and we are all taking up jogging at the command of Bacon...although somehow I think that when we are done with the jog we aren't going to be getting any bacon for breakfast anymore.

2010 A Self Discovering Odyssey

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 22:24:00 +0000

2009 sucked royally for everyone, and despite the joy that 2010 is finally here, I slept through the change. I have vowed that the next New Year's Eve however will be a party just like the one in When Harry Met Sally (the one where Harry finally professes his love for Sally) just with less hair and better dresses. I have also vowed to become more patient and kind, and to do what I think is right and true regardless what other people think or say. I am also going to make more time to blog and spend less time on Facebook.

Things with the transition to many branches of the same family living together have calmed down substantially, and we are finally in a MUCH bigger bedroom that is in a quieter part of the house. Bacon sleeps on the sofa in our room for now, but as things settle into a better routine he will again be in his bunk bed. He is also still loving school, and we even had the class bunny for a week of Christmas vacation. I am terribly allergic to the bunny so it was very interesting but he loved it and was sad to see the 300 pound animal leave to his buddy Max's house for the second week.

I loved the holidays...we were with Nana and Papa Tantrum at their house Christmas day, and the sound of Bacon and his cousins playing and laughing was better than I imagined. I missed my cousin who is in England raising her boys terribly, but hope that one of these years I will be able to have them all come over and stay with us for the holiday. The sound of 6 little Tantrums playing seems magical. (Oh, and yes I have the piano bench for the 2 oldest to sit on and share at dinner!)

As hard as it has been to transition to this new life - picking up and moving everything and leaving so much behind, feeling like you have failed even though you had a marvelously successful business - it is becoming clearer that this was what we all needed. We needed our family. We needed Crazy Aunt Ethel and Pop Pop and Nana and Papa. We needed Aunties and cousins in the house with us, and we needed to remember that even though we have less possessions we have more love and joy than anyone deserves. Who cares if we live in a house with cats and dogs and fish and more Thomas the Tank Engine items than you can shake a stick at? We have each other. We have boys who fart at dinner and run though the house playing hide and seek and tag all day. Do we fight? Of course....getting used to a new house and so many people's ideas of how things should be can be hard....but it is never anything that we cannot get through.

Here is to a year of love, family and prosperity. And by prosperity I mean the growth of your self and your soul.

The One Where I Piss Off an Entire Country

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 04:33:00 +0000

I have been very busy with school and raising a 5 year old, but am still alive and kicking despite the 10 degree temperatures and the breaking of just about every faucet in the house. I am so thrilled to be manicuring, and waxing and applying makeup that I forget that I am supposed to be LEARNING things.

I digress however and have a tale to tell. It is the one where I am going to piss off an entire nation.

I have been getting little notifications that I have new comments on a post for the past couple of weeks. I was thrilled to find that I had a HUGE contingent of fans in Japan, and that they were leaving comments for me. I didn't care if I couldn't read them, I would translate them later on.

They kept coming.

And coming.

So I settled in with a glass of wine and took to babblefish.com to find a free translation service. I was shocked at what I found. Somehow some spammers had found their way to my nice little mommy blog and were posting ads for Japanese Smut for only FIFTY THOUSAND YEN! ($510 US) WOW! What a bargain! If only moms wanted to look at Japanese mom's boobies!

I have deleted them, and made commenting just a little bit harder. I think too that the Canadian pharmacy ads will stop as well. (At least those I could READ right away, and those were not sure to infect some system with a CTD.) computer transmitted disease

Keep a sharp eye, and if you want to leave a comment, don't panic if it doesn't pop up right away, I'm going to be moderating it from now on to protect everyone!

Finals

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 01:58:00 +0000

It has been a long time since I have been a student. Especially one who had a short course to cram as much knowledge as possible into my already tiny brain of useless knowledge, and then regurgitate it all for a state mandated exam. I have successfully given myself an ulcer in this process, because I am an overachiever, and want to get a perfect score on everything. I have done reasonably well, and shouldn't keep worrying, but still do. Two more exams and then it is on to waxing and facials for five weeks. Then on to practicing on the public.

We are preparing for Thanksgiving with Nana and Papa Tantrum, and hoping to keep things low key. I have already made the cranberry conserve, and have to pick up that gluten free pie crust mix tomorrow. Nana has been very understanding and agreed to make gluten free gravy and a special order of gluten free stuffing for me. I am so excited about the day of eating until you explode I can hardly see straight.

I am also thankful that one of our friends survived a very serious fall that should have killed him. I am thankful that the not so little girl that I used to babysit, has been finally ruled cancer free after three grueling years battling a brain tumor. I am thankful that despite it being a stinky year for all of us, we are all still breathing and together.

I hope you are all well, and doing fine. Even if you don't gorge yourself on pie and potatoes and turkey this week....remember to hold your family tight and be thankful for something, anything. It will make you feel so much better, and help your attitude ten fold.

When The Moon Hits Your Eyes, Look The Other Way

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 05:45:00 +0000

I dropped Bacon off at school with Mr. T this morning and we dropped off some boxes for banjo making in his classroom. Of course I should have known that this would mean that some sort of conversation about behavior would happen, but I wasn't prepared for the one that occurred.

His teacher's assistant came out to talk about some bad behavior that Bacon had been exhibiting, and that they were working on it because she didn't think it was serious enough to warrant a call home. He has been mooning (or Bare A$$ing) his school mates at recess, and on occasion has also shaken his butt while peeing in the bathroom at the urinal. This has caused distress and dismay to the other kids so she has been working with him about where it is okay to show your butt.

Then he said tonight that he had a bad day at school because he went to the Principal's office for sticking his hand down his pants at recess. I know there is more to the story. The whole tone of "I don't want to tell you." Told me that there was more to the story than just sticking his hand down the butt of his pants.

On Monday, I will see about speaking with the principal and coming up with some sort of plan for behavioral therapy at school. Lord knows I don't want them thinking that this is okay at home, and since he isn't with us most of the time, maybe they can help us to better nip it in the butt - ha, ha - now before he gets worse or expelled from school.

In the meantime, I am going to see if I can't scout out some sort of shock collar like belt. Something that will give you a mild shock if you take your pants off anywhere except for the bathroom.

The Tenth Level of Hell

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 04:14:00 +0000

Turning two is hard. I know, because I did it and then watched Bacon do it. This week my adorable nephew did it. He had his party today, complete with a gluten free vegan cake, (he has horrible allergies) and more gifts and stimulation than necessary. Both he and Bacon were exhausted after the first hour.

Of course with the age of two comes hitting, and nephew is hitting Bacon, which sends Bacon into a screaming maniacal girly girl. This leads to nephew going into time out - and crying because of it - and Bacon sobbing and screaming some more.

It is the tenth level of hell.

It is also the exact reason that I only have one child, and would have been horribly lousy as a mother of any more than that.

School HiJinks

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 05:24:00 +0000

Bacon is in school full time. I drop him off about 7:45 every day, and he goes to his morning class right near the gym where they wait for the teacher to get them. (Why they don't go straight to the class I am not sure...but this is how it works.) Today I dropped him off myself, because Mr. T had to meet the phone guy at the new store at the butt crack of the morning.

Of course I should have known this meant that somehow I was going to be told something horrible, like Bacon had maimed a small animal, or broken an overhead projector, but was dumb and thought I would be in and out in no time. I was wrong.

Mrs. Black stopped me in the hall and said, "I am so glad it's YOU dropping him off this morning. I need to talk to you about an INCIDENT that happened yesterday." She said incident the same way that you tell someone you have diarrhea, and you like she thought if she reported this to Mr. T something traumatic and life changing would happen.

I took a deep breath and smiled sweetly, and knew that something horrible was about to happen.

"Bacon told some kids at recess that he was going to..."she looked around suspiciously for spies before continuing, "kick their a-s-s-e-s. Now, I talked to him about it and gave him a warning because BOTH duties heard him. Normally they would write him up and it would go on his PERMANENT record, but he apologized so it is okay. But could you talk to him about his okay language?"

I assured him I would, and told her how sorry I was. I then hurried out of the building and burst into hysterical laughter. Yes, I probably should be horrified that my child said ASS on the playground. I should probably be worried that he will be denied admission to YALE because he has a mark on his school record for this behavior in Kindergarten, but I couldn't get past the fact that Mrs. Black had to spell the word to me when there were no children present. That there was nothing for me to sign, and the fact that BOTH teachers on recess duty managed to hear my child - in a school of 200 kids - say that word. What the hell were the other kids getting away with?

We have talked to him about it, and he has assured us that it wont happen again. I know that it won't. I think that this particular teacher just isn't all that great with him, and she has shown it with her inability to deal with him and the other kids. It doesn't matter to me though we pay her to take care of them regardless of if she can deal with them or not.

In the meantime watch out for your language. You don't want anything to go on your permanent record!

Bacterial Overload

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 03:14:00 +0000

I started school last Tuesday and am thrilled to be back deep in the hands on training and book education of becoming a bonafide nail technician and esthetician. I knew that there would be pretty polishes, and fun facials, and some legal stuff to memorize. I forgot that there would be a lot of rules about sanitation. I also forgot that I moved to one of the most stringent states with sanitation guidelines, and laws.

I have spent the week studying all the forms of bacteria, germs and pathogens. I have learned what to do and what not to do in the salon - and at school - and in the process have become some sort of hand washing obsessive compulsive freak show.

That's right, I am now a germaphobe stuck in a house with 10 people, and in the middle of a media pandemic about the SWINE FLU! It is all I can do to not race from room to room doing the following in no particular order:

- Tossing out bars of soap. (They are breeding grounds for germs)

- Tossing out any cleaner that doesn't have an Environmental Protection Agency Number. The state says that it is not efficient at disinfecting otherwise...so why have it if it doesn't kill GERMS!

- Smacking people upside the head for bringing over friends who have:

- A weird cough

- A fever

- A rash

- A dog named Bob.

- I am even contemplating wearing a mask 24 hours a day, and using paper plates and disposable utensils until we can make sure that the germs have been destroyed.

Of course I am still freaked out that we haven't had any time to destroy the Box Elder Beetle infestation in the attic and hallway. (And consequently my underwear drawer.) I am hoping beyond hope that those little suckers don't carry germs...or if they do that they aren't transmittable to humans.

In the meantime I will try to keep my insanity to myself, and pray that we don't get any weird cooties. I am praying that none of you do either. This has already been one ugly germ season and it isn't even Christmas yet!

400th Post

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 20:17:00 +0000

Four Hundred Posts. Man this one should be amazing, and blow you all away, but it isn't and it probably won't. After all, it is October here in the pacific northwest and the cold and rain and wind have come along with that lovely grumpy mood that we all love so much.

Also living in a house full of so many people it seems a little harder than I thought to find a quiet place to think and unwind and breathe. Which makes me more edgy than ever. It feels horrible to be that way, to think that way. To have someone constantly bothering you over something to not even be able to go to the bathroom alone. I mean I have a 5 year old, we are so way past that now that I had forgotten that was something that would happen.

Hopefully this week with me returning to school I will be able to find that quiet. That peace, and a piece of mind that seems to be lost in the meantime. Hopefully I will be able to adjust to the multitude to people here as well, but not so much that when we get our own house that I won't be able to enjoy the sounds of silence.

Wildlife, Hippy Food, and Delirium

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:44:00 +0000

It has been about a week since I last checked in. This is because 1) Despite the fact that school doesn't start for me until the 27th I have been busier than I thought possible, and 2) Living in the boonies means lots of crazy stuff starts happening to you.

First off, on the day that I told you about the raccoons, I went to run a couple of fun errands with my sister in law for my nephew's second birthday. As we were driving home we were talking about the raccoon mob and I mentioned how I realized I wasn't in the city anymore. As I said that we turned on to our street and were faced by a horse. A HORSE without its owner or reigns. Being two able minded women we managed to corral the horse to our neighbor who has horses and "would know what to do" and got her to help us. (Even though she was sick, and had to come out in her nightshirt to do it.) After she got the horse in the stable, she found the owners and they managed to get him home.

Secondly I have been helping my brother out a few days with my niece and nephew while he is at work before Nana Tantrum gets home. We have baked cookies, and cobbler, and watched TV. Perhaps the most startling thing that they insist that we do is "Build a chicken coop" I am not sure why/where they got this idea, but it always has to be done around 3pm, and under the kitchen table. I don't ask questions, I just try not to giggle too loudly.

I have also been perfecting my baking skills. And not the wheat filled kind. The gluten free-egg free-dairy and corn free kind. My nephew has horrible eczema and they think it is a food based allergy, so the blood tests that came back for those foods have been taken out, leaving him very little in the way of tasty options. In comes Nantie, and her baking and Google skills, and he now has added a very tasty Banana bread, and a Macaroni and Cheese with butternut squash in it that even Bacon likes. We have even gotten Bacon eating Nitrate Free, organic hot dogs! Before you know it we will all be...no wait, never mind, it will NEVER come to any of the Tantrums wearing Birkenstocks. We may eat like hippies, but we will NEVER dress like hippies!

Amidst all of the chaos my laptop also decided to die. The power port is currently being fixed by one of my father in law's very nice friends. (The Apple store told me that my model was "vintage" and that I would need to buy a new machine. Um, no. I like my machine very much thank you, and it works just fine, except for the not being able to charge the battery thing.) So soon, I will be able to update more regularly. I will be back on a 9-5 schedule, and we will adjust a little more to the "country life."

I hope you are all well and that things are decidedly more calm for you. We also have a weird bug infestation, not at all like the bed bugs that Kate dealt with, but I will save that post for this weekend when I attack them with arsenic and old lace. (A battle will ensue I am sure, my brother in law is against killing anything. Even if it is a nasty bug that leaves poop stains on the walls and lays eggs in the underwear drawers....this is a battle he will not win while I live here.) At least it will make for good writing.

The Call Of The WILD

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 16:04:00 +0000

I forgot when we moved in with the in laws that we sort of live in the boonies. The house is on 5 acres, and there are frequently deer out in the yard and on the drive to school and while it takes a bit to get to the grocer or Starbucks it isn't unbearable.

All this aside, I think I may have been delusional when I thought that the wilds of nature wouldn't try and kill us right in our own home.

On Friday night as we were cleaning up from dinner I went to let one of the 5 cats in the sliding glass door, I saw 4 new really cute cats with masks on. Then I realized that those weren't cats, they were GIANT RACCOONS that were trying to kill the cat on the deck. I screamed because, being a city girl I didn't know just what you do with a raccoon, Mr. Tantrum jumped into action scaring them off the third story deck, causing one to thud to the ground. The other three disappeared as quickly as they appeared into the night.

We made sure that all the menagerie of animals were secured in the house, and locked the doors. Now while this isn't as scary as the 79 year old woman in Florida who was attacked by a wild mob of angry raccoons, it was pretty darn startling. I mean coming face to face with the masked bandits was weird. I wanted to simultaneously pick them up and cuddle them and drop kick them off the deck all at once.

Mr. Tantrum said that this week there will be an instructional course on all the animals that could be seen here at the house and which ones are "safe" and which ones are not safe. This is great, because my sister in law told me that a raccoon could have torn his face off in one fell swoop. I feel really secure that he will be teaching that class.

One Week Down, 51 to Go

noreply@blogger.com (Ms. Tantrum) — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 01:15:00 +0000

The first week here at the house with 10 people, 5 cats and 2 dogs has ended successfully. I am very tired mind you, but that may have more to do with the sinus infection I have acquired rather than the raging lack of sleep that I have. It also have more to do with the fact that Mr. Tantrum still snores like he is trying to call for his long lost Yeti mate, and the fact that Bacon seems to be following in his footsteps.

I survived the pumpkin patch field trip. The parents were fabulous. I am not joking either. I thought for sure they would take one look at my half dead butt and laugh hysterically. (We got in at midnight the night before from a furious packing trip from Seattle - the bus to the pumpkin patch left at 8:45 SHARP!) We also live no where near my beloved Seattle drive thru Starbucks so I was running on about no caffeine, when Bacon's teacher informed me that I had Bacon and his arch nemesis for the day. (I think she didn't know that Mr. T had informed me of the eleventy billion problems they have had at school, and that somehow I had a magical fairy pixie wand that would fix them. Or that I am a complete and utter MORON, and would be fine.) It was fine and the two are now temporarily BFF'S. (Or maybe it was that magical pixie wand.)

I also got signed up for school, on the 27th I start my 850 course to become an estethician/nail tech. I am so excited I think I might pee. Before too long I will be waxing eyebrows, and forming gel wrapped nails along with facials and hopefully at some point Restalyne injections and other lip plumper's.

In spite of the changes, we are adjusting nicely. We are getting used to everything and everyone and what and who likes stuff. We haven't been to Nana's but once because they have been QUARANTINED, but now are off that so we should be able to visit more. Saturday dinners, and all of that....the things we have been wanting all this time and finally have.

It's a little like a dream come true.