MOmMy bRaIn

Emily Lauren

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 05:31:00 +0000

After A LOT of walking - basically non-stop activity from 1am until delivery, I was sent to an l&d room at 4pm ish, at 4 cms and we'll just say by the time anesthesiology got there, I was more than ready for my epi... Platelets were great, thank God, as I would have died without the good stuff.

Resident checked me at 5sh, and was a good 6-7cms. Chopped sticked me - broke my water - and immediately went to 10 cms.

Began pushing at 6 ish. Pushed three times. A dream.

Sweet Emily Lauren arrived happily and healthily at 6:04pm, 7 lbs 5 oz, looking just like her big sis - dark full head of hair! A great feeder already so fingers crossed for continuation!

Pics to come!

things to do when you might be in labour...

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 08:53:00 +0000

Here's my - apparent - list of things to do when you think you MIGHT be in labour...

(1) Lie in bed for 2 hours convincing yourself that, even though you are having "cramps" and generally feel like things are happening, you're not in labour.

(2) Clean your floors. By hand. With multiple Clorox wipes.

(3) Clean your appliances.

(4) Don't sit down. No matter what. Don't relax. No matter what. Unless you are OK with risking "false labour". Which. I. Am. Not. I would be out for a walk right now but we're having a thunder and lightning storm and I'm not putting "get struck by lightning" on my list.

(5) Do work on laptop, while STANDING at breakfast bar.

(6) Clean bathroom.

(7) Sweep stairs.

(8) Don't wake up hubby. What's the point of you both being exhausted? Wait until absolutely necessary.

(9) Get a shower, wash your hair, shave your legs, etc. NO BATHS. Every person I spoke with recently who experienced "false labour" did one of the following - sat down, relaxed, got a bath, tried to sleep, etc. If you enjoy false hope, pain without results, etc. fill your boots. I'm not saying that I'm no experiencing false labour, I'm just saying that I'm not doing anything that would calm things down.

(10) Collect the things you didn't put in your labour bag because you needed them NOT to be in your trunk for 3 weeks.

(11) Text your sister knowing full-well she's likely sleeping with her phone next to her, waiting for your call and that, despite your "pretend attempt" to not wake her up, she'll respond immediately. She doesn't need sleep, she's a mom. :p

(12) Start timing contractions.... thankfully, there's an app for that... http://www.thebump.com/calculators/contraction.aspx

(13) Write a blog post about what you've been doing for the last 3.5 hours - still standing.

(14) Paint your nails.

(15) Check Facebook 400 times, even though there's no one else in the world awake right now except very few who are only awake because they are posting inappropriate "mobile uploads"...

(16) Sweat your brains out. Holy crap. It's only 22 degrees in my kitchen right now and you'd think I was in the desert. ARGH!

(17) Eat. I just realized I haven't eaten in the 4.5 hours since I've been awake and now have the spits because I feel like I'm going to barf.

That's it. I could keep going but, I'm praying-begging-hoping that the list will eventually turn into the "things I'm doing DURING labour" list.

It's currently 5:47am. Everyone else is still sleeping - only a MAN could go back to sleep after you tell him you're in labour and to "go back to sleep"... isn't that envious? A woman would have too much on her mind - e.g. my sister, who texted me a bazillion times with ideas to prevent false labour. Dan. Back to sleep, no problem. I called my Mom at 3:30am her time, and I know my Mom, she's totally awake right now. Thankfully, she was flying in at 7am anyways in prep for baby's arrival so that works out pretty well if this is the real-deal.

My mission is to make it so that Dan and I can still drop Jane off at daycare this AM, perhaps on our way to the hospital to get checked out. So far it's looking good. I should not have said that. I'm seriously so superstitious at this point that I'm convinced (1) I'm going to have false labour and (2) If I'm not, I'm going to sit around so long, trying to control everything that I'll have this baby on the kitchen floor. :p

Keep ya posted. PRAYING-HOPING-BEGGING your next update is something along the lines of 8lbs, 2 oz, 21 inches, 3:20pm, July 25th. F. Just cursed myself big time. CRAP. Already out there. Nothing I can do to take it back. ARGH!

you know you're full term when...

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 22:45:00 +0000

I started this list the other morning at 4am, when I couldn't sleep... which is number one of my list for "You know you're full term when..."

(1) You are exhausted constantly but apparently don't require sleep during the night anymore.

(2) When you get on the scale, you don't know which previously stored weight is your own or your husbands.

(3) You spend your days re-cleaning things you already cleaned, just so you can clean some more... OR, in my case, moving the snowblower, a set of winter tires and all the tool containers around in the garage so that (1) you can sweep out the garage - because that's necessary and (2) have more space around the car to get both kids in and out without bumping into anything.

(4) You re-start the grooming process (or attempt to) of shaving your legs and armpits daily - something you have not done since you were (1) single or (2) in high school, and try (desperately) to make your bikini line less-jungle-princess-esque in fear that at any point 10 or more people will be seeing this side of you up close and personal for several hours. At least.

(5) You over-react to every cramp, pain, sensation, anything that affects the area between your boobs and your upper thighs, telling yourself it's a sign labour is coming soon... I've convinced myself that my nipples have gotten darker in the last 5 days and they have definitely gotten sorer.

(6) You slowly, but surely, come to the realization that "due date" is one of those non-existent, dream-like, aspirations like "goal weight" or "all expense paid vacation".

(7) You're willing to do completely humiliating things in an effort to get the darn baby out of you... par exemple... sex, nipple stimulation, castor oil (if you don't know why this is humiliating, then you aren't full term yet).

(8) You're no longer willing or able to wear socially appropriate maternity clothes and have opted to live in only clothes made of stretchable cotton. I am currently wearing black capri leggings and a white t-shirt. I wouldn't wear skin-tight leggings with a t-shirt in public when I was at my skinniest. But, somehow, because I'm gigantic, I feel the need to share every curve with the entire world. Makes complete sense to me.

That's all I got... feel free to add your own special experiences.

yup, i'm still pregnant

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Tue, 17 Jul 2012 23:29:00 +0000

So please don't call me to check...

Don't you just love this time during your pregnancy where (1) you can't call any member of your family because they answer the phone with an insanely excited "HI!" because they are 100% convinced you're calling to say your water broke... when in fact, you're calling to bitch about the fact that your water hasn't broken or (2) your family and friends are calling you and the first thing you hear after you say "hello" is "no baby yet?"... um. You're my sister. I'm pretty sure, being that you're the one who will be taking care of Jane while I'm in labour, that you might be one of the first to know if I HAD THE BABY! :p

I went for a "run" in my neighbourhood yesterday. I haven't exercised (really, if we're being honest) in like 3 years, since I was pregnant with Jane. So, my theory is... I was a week late with Jane because, lets face it, I had no children so I spent my time lazing around on the couch and doing nothing leading up to labour. Of course now, with a three year old, that life doesn't exist anymore. Added to the fact that I'm nesting like an MF and am cleaning ridiculous things in my house fifteen times a day. I'm thinking, if I keep myself busy and active - i.e. cleaning and walking - then, MAYBE I won't be late. MAYBE. :) So, I went out for a walk yesterday. I will admit... and I hate to admit this. It did feel good to exercise. ARGH. I can't believe I said that out loud.

I will say straight out that there was NO RUNNING in front of the public... as if anyone needs to witness that. Envision Jurassic Park - T-Rex in rearview mirror scene. But there's a great wooded path near my house and I ran start to finish. And by run, I mean I planted my feet hard and probably was going the speed of a normal walking, non-pregnant, individual. When I got out of the woods, I felt so much pressure I was sure my water was going to break. So, when it didn't, I ran the path again... :p ha ha ha. I was convinced I was going to go into labour last night. Nothing. Obviously.

And today, I opted for a nap instead of a run... cause I was zonkered. And it was awesome. And I feel no different then I felt 10 weeks ago. Except the baby has dropped big time in the past week or two. We took Jane to the playground Saturday night after dinner and, for the first time in my life, I understood how bad it would suck to be an obese parent... I could not do anything. I sat on the bench and smiled and laughed and urged Jane on... but I could not move. So uncomfortable.

Did I mention that I'm only having two kids. 100%. As much as it is truly worth it, I will never do this to myself or my body again. Plus, so far (curse the world if I wake up tomorrow morning with a different case), but I've escaped two pregnancies without a stretch mark - which is essentially one of the only long-lasting horrible effects of pregnancy - if you completely ignore your mangled vajajay and saggy boobs.

Called for my bloodwork results today and my platelets dropped a little again. We're at 96 folks. And, now this kinda sucks. Because, I'm so "close" now (I think, hope, pray) that I'm not really interested in being induced. But, then the other part of me is like - argh, what happens if I wait and it does drop? OR, what if I end up going two weeks overdue (death to everyone). But none of that matters because I'm not seeing my own, love-of-my-life doc this week again because she's still on vacay. And, I've seen the doc I'm seeing this week already once and can tell that (1) she is not going to give me a membrane sweep (which will piss me off horribly) and (2) she will not induce me (which is probably the right thing, I think, at this point).

Will keep you posted. Remember when I was all like "oh, I can't wait until I'm 38 weeks pregnant and everyday will be so exciting because of the anticipating of thinking 'will today be the day?'" Um. F. That.

blogger of the year

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 23:06:00 +0000

You know the old adage (which I originally spelled "attage" btw because I've never used that word in written language before) "if you don't have anything nice to say..."

This is only one excuse why I haven't written on the blog in like a week. The rest are just because I'm busy and lazy! :p

On my facebook page, I mentioned the other day, that I keep hearing from people "oh, you're so happy for 38 weeks!" (considering my size, the weather, etc. I assume)... my response?

"You know when you were in university and you pulled an all-nighter before an exam and the next day you had like insane amounts of energy because you were so over-tired. I'm so over-grumpy, I'm smiling."

And I'm pretty sure people should be scared.

I hate the summer time. My face is itching like a hooker's vajajay (wow, that was inappropriate - apologies, but it's out there now and I can't for the life of me think of another metaphor), my belly is growing by the second (not aided by the midnight binge on nachos and mozza sticks last night I'm sure), I'm barely wearing clothing (and the clothing I'm currently wearing is so completely inappropriate I just made Dan answer the door for UPS) and I am pretty much doing anything I can read about online (exc. all this oils and stuff that scare the poop outta me - and you, literally, apparently if you use them) to get this baby out sooner rather than later. I was driving to pick up Dan and Jane today after work and considered nipple stimulation while I was driving... I mean, HEY, it was gonna take me ten minutes, I might as well multi-task! The only thing that stopped me was the fact that people driving next to me might judge... unless they are or have been pregnant, in which case they probably would have given me the thumbs up.

Had my docs appt on Monday with my doc-fill-in and she was great. My platelets are stable, which - as much as I want the baby out - I am happy about. Pain of natural labour is NOT more significant than a few more weeks of discomfort, I assume and I hope I never know the truth of that statement. The nurse couldn't be sure, however, about the position of baby (who's been head down for weeks) so I got to have another ultrasound...

So. I ask. "Do you see a penis in there?" All the while thinking DAN IS GOING TO KILL ME (but, obviously, I didn't care).

The doc admitted she doesn't do many u/s and the ones she does aren't to determine sex, obviously. She had a look but couldn't see anything. Which, again, to me - confirms it's a girl. I mean, two ultrasounds, no bone, no penis... GIRL. :p

So, we're 13 days away from due date. I'm trying to think of what I did last time and to do more - I was a week late with Jane. I DO NOT want to do THAT again. Crippers, I wasn't grumpy at all with pregnancy number one until I was over-due. I can't imagine the exponential increase in FIERCENESS that would occur if I go overdue this time. N.G. :p

So, spicy food, sex every other night, I'll play with my nipples anytime I'm not in sight of the public, I keep wanting to go for walks but it's so freakin' hot out I bail and sit in front of the AC instead. I've stopped taking my daily (sometimes multi-daily) baths as I don't want to relax anything. :p What else have I missed?!?!

Alrighty. I'm off. You will be kept in the loop, I promise. As much as I'm too grouchy to sit with a hot computer on my lap, I'm not too grumpy to yell it to the universe when I actually start having contractions. You'll hear. Trust me. :p xoxo

Post-doc update

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 23:00:00 +0000

Here's the latest...

After a med stupid (ha, literally a slip of the fingers, I didn't intend to write "stupid") STUDENT took ten minutes to get my bp - which he originally informed me was 100 over 35 (!!!)... which pretty much gave me a heart attack because I assumed I was dead, I finally saw my doc today.

Here's the plan of action and why I'm still stressed to the max about all this nonsense. In case it's not obvious, I'm not a really anxious, stressed-out person. I kind of take everything in stride until it's way out of my control and then I ask for help. But I don't stress easily. So the fact that I'm awake at night worrying about all the dynamics of this labour, is killing me.

Doc sent me for bloodwork immediately after my appointment today and here's the two scenarios:

(1) Platelets drop again - she will call me by tomorrow and have me come in to chat with her tomorrow so that we can "go from there". Now. My doc is used to no-balls-me who would just smile and giggle and say "OK!" But, grumpy, stressed me replies "what does that mean?" and she tells me we'd be planning to induce. Thank God. Again, this is typically where I'd make a joke or say something funny or literally stand up, look up and jokingly say "hallelujah". The grumpy, stressed me, however, says "when?" Because, here's the thing. Pretty much my entire family is heading to Newfoundland for vacation on Saturday until Wednesday. So, I need to know does she mean induce next week, induce in a couple weeks or induce immediately. She tells me, if they dropped again, we'd induce like the next day. OK. Mild panic attack as I am realizing that I may be induced with my entire family - whom are supposed to look after my sweet Jane - will be out of town via airplane only. On the other hand, the idea of having baby in two days is DREAMLIKE and I am secretly praying my numbers slip a little - not secretly at all, I want them to drop NOW! :p

(2) Platelets stabilize or go up again. This option has me stressed. Not because I want to be induced but because my doc is heading on vacay next week and I'm going to be seen by another ob/gyn. SO, if they happen to drop after my appointment with new-doc next week, I am concerned new-doc will be hesitant to induce me for some reason without my reg doc there or just because some docs are effin' crazy and all "lets wait and see" and that's not me at all! I've waited and saw. And I've seen the numbers go DOWN and my chances for natural delivery go UP. :p So, in my grumpy, stressed state, I express this concern to my doc who begins writing in my file our plan of action. Dare new-doc cross me next week, she may get the full-wrath of grumpy, stressed Jenny!

Of course, the above two scenarios are all pending my bloodwork... which is the other factor stressing me out. The hospital lost power yesterday for 6 hours, back-screwing everything. Thankfully, I took the time while having my blood taken to ask the girl if the blood clinic had stayed open and the good news was NO. As, had they, I'm sure they'd have a backlog of bloodwork they couldn't do yesterday that would put my bloodwork results off for god knows how long. And, in order for me NOT to have a panic attack by end of day tomorrow, I need to hear from my doc with either good news or bad - you figure out which is which. :p And in order for that to happen, my doc needs to get the bloodwork results in plenty of time. SO, now my stress is that she won't get it, she won't remember to get it, she won't remember to call me, I'll be freakin all weekend because then I'm stuck dealing with new-doc on Monday. ARGH!

On the plus, I updated my wonderful family on the scenarios and everyone was pleasantly happy at the risk of calling off their vacations to stick around if baby may make it's appearance this weekend.

Here's something I realized today, however... I am so anxious to be done with this pregnancy. But, no different than pregnancy number one, I'm not fully aware (you know what I mean, like I'm not realizing) that when this pregnancy is over, I'll have another baby! Holy crap!

I have my appointment with anesthesiology tomorrow at lunch time at the hospital. What I'm thinking I'll do is pop into the prenatal clinic after my appt (if I haven't heard from my doc by then) and ask the staff if my blood work (1) came in and (2) if I can see the results. If they let me see the results, and things have dropped, then look out doc... cause I'm gonna find your ass. :p I should pre-apologize now to the woman who's labour I may interrupt to discuss, what's obviously everyone's priority, me. :p

Keep ya posted!

the art of seduction induction

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 04 Jul 2012 23:17:00 +0000

My doc called on Tuesday AM to check-in with me about my bloodwork from last week... here's the good news and bad. My platelets dropped AGAIN! We're below 100 folks. We're at 94.

Honestly, at this point, I was happy to hear that they'd dropped. I'm SICK of this stress and having to worry about it and having to worry if I can have an epidural and having to worry that they are going to drop to dangerous levels and having the itchiest skin in the entire planet. ARGH! STICK A FORK IN ME!!! I'M DONE!

Unfortunately, I wasn't home and she had to leave me a VM which sucks as I would have told her how I was feeling. She did mention the word that, at this point, is music to my ears... INDUCTION. HALLELUJAH!

OK, prior to about a week ago, I was half-joking about wanting to be induced. I mean, the thought of having this baby sooner rather than later is fantastic. BUT, the thought of forcing this baby out "unnaturally" before he/she is ready, was not fantastic. I'm not an all "let nature take it's course" type of chick by any means, but I'm not a "lets jump the gun and do something risky for no reason" type of gal either.

At this point, the numbers are dropping though and, apparently, if I go below 80, no drugs. As I've said before, it's not that I'm SO concerned I can't handle the pain (effin right that's what I'm worried about) it's that I don't want to imagine how physically exhausting a natural labour could potentially be. In addition to that, at this point, hematology (the blood docs for those suffering from MB as well) have stepped back temporarily to let us track things ourselves - my doc and me. But, if my numbers go much lower, they will want me to take all these other drugs which I'm not super excited about to get my blood to (big word alert) coagulate. :p

Here's the other great news. I'm GBS positive. If you're not pregnant, don't run from your computer as if you are about to get infected with skin eating disease. Your science lesson of the day - GBS (group B Strep) is a bacteria found in 1 in 4 women's va-jay-jays. I just happen to be lucky number 1 this time around. When you're not pregnant, it means nothing. When you're pregnant, it means some potentially scary crap if you don't get antibiotics on board pre-delivery (they say for about four hours prior). THEREFORE, when you combine this little tidbit of information with the fact that my platelets are dropping again, I WANT TO BE INDUCED NOW!

It's not so much that I want the baby out now. It's that I want there to be some control (as much as you can control anything labour-related) over these stressful factors. And, in my mind, the best way for this all to go down is to be like "we're going to admit you on this day, at this time, give you antibiotics at this time, check your platelets at this time and administer epidural at this time..." Obviously, I'm not delusional enough to think that it will all go as planned but a girl can dream, can't she?

So, I have my appointment with my doc tomorrow AM and I am really going to push, pray, beg, etc. that she's on the same page and is just waiting for the true "go-ahead" from me to say "lets do it" and schedule the induction for next week. Unfortunately, it's crappy scheduling, but my appt with anesthesiology isn't until Friday which sucks as it would have been nice to have their input before tomorrow so we could really set a final plan. Regardless, I'm going to TRY MY HARDEST to be a little "pushy" about wanting an induction... at this point, I feel like the benefits really do outweigh the risks, and THAT is the type of girl I AM! :)

Additionally, she will not have to look hard to see that I'm miserable as, due to the heat this week, my face looks like it's burnt to a crisp with eczema or some-itchy-burny skin crap on both cheekbones. A lady at the grocery store looked at me today and said "man! your eyes look sore!" Honestly. Some people might have been offended. I was like "THANK YOU" for the recognition because they are freakin' sore and it does freakin' suck! I've basically had the chicken pocks on my face, hands and lips (not by look, by itch) for the past 20 weeks and I'm about ready to start peeling my skin off altogether so I don't have to worry about it anymore. Wah, wah, wah. Poor me.

Will keep ya posted on what the doc has to say and if I have the b-a-l-l-s to actually be as pushy as I'd like to be (in my dreams) tomorrow at my appt.

xoxo

Dear Mother Nature

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 23:32:00 +0000

As a long term inhabitant of your residences, I feel it appropriate to inform you of a few recent, but less-than-ideal, experiences I have encountered during this adventure you would refer to as "life"...

First of all, I'd like to know what reasoning was put forth, aside from requirements for procreation, to commit two beings who are so completely opposite of each other that they spend most of the day trying not to eliminate the other from existence? May I suggest that, moving forward, you consider two separate residences for each of the two human species (as they cannot be of the same classification being that their differences are so abundant and apparent). Perhaps an annual mating day and then separation again to different corners of the universe?

Unfortunately, I've come to terms with the fact that these beings, of the species "male", would be unable to handle the pressures, stress, exhaustion, etc. that accompanies child bearing - mostly from having witnessed the struggles of these creatures during the course of a minor cold. However, would it not make sense for them to have been injected with some sort of understanding, empathy, etc. for the shear feat that it is to create an ENTIRELY NEW HUMAN BEING inside ones body for TEN MONTHS?!?! Just a suggestion for future improvements if the above recommendation is not taken into consideration.

Along those same lines, I am curious why it is that in the process of creating such wonderful little human beings, along with weight gain, exhaustion, back pain, cramps, and the resulting, fantastic but body-destroying labour, the women of your community are also subjected to further punishment in the form of stretch marks, weak bladders, saggy boobs, rashes, swelling, acne, insomnia, etc.? And those are just the minor aggravations of your pregnant females. Mother Nature, I hate to question your intentions but are you, perhaps, on the wrong team? If I were to make a suggestion - perhaps the results of such a long and strenuous pregnancy could be any combination of the following:

Teenage-boy level metabolism
Perfectly round and perky breasts
Saddlebag elimination
Cellulite obliteration
Instantaneous six-pack abs
Noxzema-girl skin

Something to consider.

On the topic of the weather. I understand that it is summer. I am both satisfied and made happier by the sunshine. However, it would be fantastic if you could either (1) turn down my internal temperature or (2) crank back on the 30 degree weather, just a little bit. Perhaps setting a limit at 25 might be a happy medium for all? Perhaps a resident survey is in order - I will draft.

Lastly, with reference to my upcoming labour and delivery. I would like to make a formal request for early delivery on the basis of wanting to harm somebody if I have to carry on much longer. In the interest of public safety, it is best that labour be initiated as early as next Monday morning with duration lasting no more than 3-4 hours. I would prefer a morning appointment beginning at approximately 9am so that we can drop Jane off to daycare first, and so that my male partner is able to pick up Jane at the end of the day without much disruption to her daily schedule. Most importantly, obviously, I would like you to order up a healthy baby.

Wishing you a wonderful evening.

Yours truly,

slap that girl

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 27 Jun 2012 22:13:00 +0000

I took an updated pregnancy belly pic today and, in my effort to compare one to the other, I was going back through my Jane belly bump pics and saw this thumbnail (photo left) from my 16 weeks photo, pregnancy number 1... and, from the thumbnail, I was thinking "Man, I look skinny in that pic".

Sadly, I remember taking that photo. I remember thinking "I'm starting to pop!" I definitely was feeling "fat" and I definitely was insecure about how I was looking (despite the fact that I took a picture of myself in a sportsbra - which I NEVER would have done had I not been pregnant). SLAP THAT GIRL. First of all, I would pay a million bucks to look like this again. AND, if I ever looked like this again, I might just live in my sports bra. :p

OMG! I just went through the pics from THIS PREGNANCY, and found my earliest "bump" pic - taken at 19 weeks. Check this out...

I'm officially saying it right now - I'M NUTS! I KNOW 100% when I took this pic that I thought I was really looking pregnant now!! WTF! It's amazing how relativity changes things. I remember I kept wondering how people didn't realize (because it was SO obvious) that I was pregnant. What the heck was I thinking?

Dear Lord, please, please don't let me look back on the photo I just took of myself, at 36 weeks, in four weeks and have me think I looked tiny... it's got to be impossible! :p

I'm having a ah-ha moment here people.

I am literally nuts. My perception of my body is ridiculously distorted. This may not be news to some of you but, to me, this is, like, life changing... right now. Ask me again in like 3 months when I am "tiny" again and hating myself because I feel fat. Stupid me.

Have my docs appointment tomorrow morning and can't wait! I look forward to every docs appointment now as it means another week has passed and that things are moving forward!

In a dream world, I only have 5 more docs appointments left until this baby is here!

I'm hoping, in my appointment tomorrow, that my doc will agree that, because of all this nonsense with my rashes, platelets, etc. that another ultrasound makes sense. A few people (including some docs from work) have mentioned to me that they would want to make sure the baby's OK in there and, now that they mention it, I can't stop thinking about it... of course. I'm having TONS of movement and the baby's heart rate has been great so far but still... I think it would definitely give me peace of mind to make sure the little tike is OK in there.

Plus, I have to admit, the idea of getting another shot at finding out the sex is way too tempting... although Dan says he wants to still have it be a surprise since we've made it this far. So, I just won't tell him! :p ha ha ha. Not likely.

Will keep you posted on the progress tomorrow and what the doc has to say about the chances of inducing me early, still, due to my platelets and also the ultrasound.

Two days of work left - and tomorrow is basically a half-day as between my docs appointment and blood work afterwards, it takes like 4 hours (understandably, these docs are never on time - they're dealing with emotional, stressed out, grumpy, demanding pregnant woman all day...).

one week and counting

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Mon, 25 Jun 2012 23:37:00 +0000

It's the home stretch folks and I am READY... this is my last week of work. I saved my vacation time to use all in July so that I could start mat leave a little early, in hopes of having a few weeks of relax time before baby comes. NOW... I'm hoping the baby decides to come sooner than later.

I. am. so. uncomfortable.

I know it may seem like I'm just being whiny because I'm getting big and it's getting hot and blah blah blah. But I was definitely not THIS uncomfortable, tired, etc. when I was preggers with Jane.

Sorry for being M.I.A last week - I hope to get more consistent once I'm off work. It's a little difficult sometimes to be 35 weeks pregnant, raising an energetic three year old, working full time, running a side-business and writing a daily blog... sometimes. :p

Had my docs appt last Thursday AM and it wasn't ideal. My platelets dropped again, from 112 to 106. So I was sent right away to get blood work done again to check my levels and also to check a bazillion other things to make sure my low platelets weren't due to something more concerning that just your standard gestational thromocytopenia. My doc seemed a little concerned so I joked "induce me now!"... to which her response surprised me... she said that might just be an option if my platelets continued to drop. WHAT?

OK. I will admit, the thought was very exciting to me and did make me happy... at first. Then, I realized, it would probably be less than ideal to be induced early and that it's probably not what's best for me or baby - unless, of course, the benefits outweigh the risks. I chatted with a few doc friends of mine and, apparently, they would induce me early (if my platelets kept dropping) to avoid potential complications. If my numbers drop below 80, they can't give me any anesthetics... which lets just face it. WOULD SUCK. Aside from the pain, I'm a fan of epis FOR ME because it made my first delivery less dramatic, stressful, exhausting, etc. on mommy (and baby for that matter)... If my numbers drop below 50, that's when there's a high risk to me and baby of more serious (bleeding) complications. So, they'd induce to avoid all that.

However, my doc called this AM (which was a relief as I was nervous I'd have to wait until my appt on Thursday to get the update) to let me know that my most recent tests showed my platelets were stabilized for now, at 109. SO, she's sending me to see anesthesia so that we can have a plan in place in case things go awry but I don't have to see hematology yet - who would be putting a plan together (drug wise) to try to get my numbers back up. SO, no drug intervention yet and hopefully I can butter the pain-killing docs into not being ridiculous and giving me the epi... otherwise, I've requested with my doc that I be allowed to bring two bottles of shiraz into the delivery room with me as I figure this will be more effective that (1) nothing (2) the useless gas crap.

On a brighter note (not), I think the baby is dropping. It's brighter in that, I can breathe a little better and crappier in that it feels like my lower belly is going to crack open. I literally couldn't walk from my car to a restaurant today at lunch because I was so crampy. Now my back is killing me and I have so much pressure stretching from my lower back to the underside of my belly. It's a dream. I ran into a friend today who is two weeks further along than me. She looked rested, awake, happy, comfortable, just perfectly pregnant. I was grumpy, uncomfortable, hunched over, zonkered and ready to die. Fantastic.

With all that said, I have a friend who was due last Thursday and is still pregnant... so, all my complaining aside, I'm glad I'm not there. Yet.

Come 37-38 weeks, it's operation get bun out of oven all over again and I'm willing to do anything to ensure I'm not late again. My POA includes sex every other night, as many aggressive membrane sweeps as I can convince my doc to give me, spicy food out the wazoo, taking up jogging, and if I have to play with my nipples 24/7, I'll do it. Just don't judge me when you run into me at the grocery store... :p

Alright, I'm roastin'... Will keep you updated on all my complaints, annoying symptoms and whinings as they occur. :p Your welcome.

mid-week meal plan

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 20 Jun 2012 21:46:00 +0000

I intended to do this on Monday but, fact is, I'm tired, grumpy, itchy and, in short, lazy. So, I opted to pull the "guest post" card which required me to do nothing except do a little blabbering beforehand. Blabbering is easy. Coming up with something logical and useful to share is my most difficult challenge these days.

So, after many requests, I think I'm going to TRY to share my weekly meal plans with y'all each week, with a few disclaimers:

(1) I am NOT a chef. My objectives in cooking supper are as follows (and ranked): QUICK, healthy, tasty (yes, this is third) and cheap-ish (I try to do one-two meat-free dishes each week to save on $$ cause meat is darn expensive!!).

(2) I do repeats. If a meal is a winner - which basically means Dan and I think it tastes half-decent and Jane will actually eat it, it's stays.

(3) I half-ass veggies. We always have them, especially Jane, with every meal. But I'm more of a throw some carrot sticks or fresh snap peas on the plate vs. cook special veggies, kind of girl. I am not a cooked veggie fan and Jane LOVES fresh, uncooked carrots and peas, so this is my go-to veg side dish.

(4) Sometimes I am TOO LAZY to even cook the quick meal I've planned and I end up serving, what I like to call, "platters". Thankfully, I know that I also was raised on "platters" back in the good ol' 80's that often included vienna sausages... :p YUCK! My platters have been upped a little since the 80's and usually include a nice aged cheddar (yes, Jane loves expensive cheese), some pre-cooked chicken, baguette, grapes, veggies, etc.

So, here goes... this is what we have had/are having this week for dinner... recipes will be below. :) Eventually, I won't have to include EVERY recipe as you will surely be able to resource previous posts for repeat recipes.

Monday - BBQ Chicken Souvlaki with Oven-roasted Oregano Potatoes

Tuesday - Swanson Creamy Cheddar Chicken Skillet Meal - I make this for Dan and Jane because they both love it and chow it down. It's good because the chicken is actually white-meat and good quality (I'm anal about textures and meat) and Jane actually eats the carrots and the corn. I am not a fan. I made a "platter" for me because the platter is actually my favourite ever meal. :)

Wednesday - BBQ Chicken Pizza and Asparagus Goat Cheese Pizza - I could literally live off of goat cheese, 100%.

Thursday - Marinated BBQ Flank Steak with Oven-roasted fries and fresh-boiled corn

Friday - Going to "Monkeytown"... we last minute planned a little "vacay" (you'll understand why I put it in quotes if you know where/what Moncton, NB is - maybe not the sexiest vacay spot). So, we'll be eating out Friday night, woot woot!

Saturday - No idea. Usually there's at least one night per week where I have no idea what I planned to have or I just don't plan for. This is the night where Dan says "what's for dinner?" and I whine and say I have no idea, I'm so tired, and we end up doing something insanely easy like platters. :) tee hee hee.

So here are your recipes - remember, easy is my cooking priority and servings tend to be for 2.5 people! :) I'll try to include rough estimates of cost as well - for key ingredients - assuming you have a fairly well stocked pantry.

BBQ Chicken Souvlaki Skewers
This is one of my favourite meals! SO yummy. Say $15-$20 depending on whether you can get chicken on sale or not.

Step 1: A few hours before cooking (or in the AM before work), throw some wooden cooking skewers into water to soak so they don't burn. Mine burn always, regardless of doing this, so I'm not really sure what the point is... :p

2-3 Chicken breasts, cut into 1" cubes
Wooden cooking skewers
1 medium red onion
4 medium-large white or red potatoes

Marinade for chicken:
1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 cup parts red wine vinegar
2-3 cloves minced fresh garlic - I always use fresh garlic, I find it tastes SO much better
1.5 tsp of dried oregano (I actually have no idea how much I really use because I don't measure anything) but in my head this seems about right, it's definitely not significantly more or less! Season as desired! :p
Salt and Pepper

Also, FYI, the above marinade also makes a perfect dressing for greek salad, if you choose.

(1) Mix together marinade. Pour and mix with chicken breast. Refrigerate for 3-4 hours (or throughout the day if you're doing in the AM).
(2) Cut red onion into 1"-ish pieces
(3) Cut potatoes, I leave the skin on, into 1/2" thick fries.
(4) Preheat oven to 425. Toss potato with olive oil, s&p and tons of dried oregano (I probably use 1 tbsp or more). Cook for 45 mins or so on bottom rack until crispy (turning as many times as you want).
(5) Make your skewers. I do one piece of red onion, followed by one piece of chicken, and so on - putting 5 pieces of chicken on per skewer.
(6) Preheat BBQ to med-high.
(7) Toss chicken skewers on BBQ when the potatoes have 15-20 mins left. After they sear a little, turn the heat down to medium and turn regularly until cooked through.

Serve with store-bought tzatziki for dipping (for chicken and potatoes). YUMMO!

BBQ Chicken Pizza
$11 for one pizza

Store bought whole-wheat pizza crust
BBQ Sauce
Store bought pre-cooked rotisserie chicken breast
Red onion
Mozza cheese

(1) Spread pizza sauce (which is included with my two-pack of pizza crusts from Sobeys) on pizza crust
(2) Toss chopped chicken in a ton of BBQ sauce so it's really saucy
(3) Finely chopped red onion
(4) Spread toppings on pizza and cook as directed. Rocket science. :p
* It's also great with canned, pineapple tidbits added for sweetness but I forgot to think about this until now! :p

Asparagus & Goat Cheese Pizza
$11 for one pizza

5-6 spears of thin asparagus - you don't want the giant, costco ones for this recipe or they'll never cook
One small package of light (I use PC Blue Menu) goat cheese or goat cheese crumbles
2 roma tomatoes, slices thinly
Olive oil
1 store bought pizza crust
Mozza cheese

(1) Using hands, pour 1 tbsp olive oil onto crust and spread
(2) Place sliced tomatoes all over crust as if this were your sauce
(3) Place asparagus on pizza randomly - I leave them as spears, you can cut them up if you like
(4) Break up goat cheese with your hands and sprinkle all over pizza
(5) I generally use a TINY bit of mozza on top as well, like literally maybe a 1/2 cup for the entire pizza, just to hold everything together
(6) Bake as directed for pizza crust - usually 425 for 10-15 mins or until goat cheese is browned and asparagus is wilted.

I love this goat cheese pizza - I often make little individual ones for myself for lunch on a piece of naan bread.
I make the two pizza because I find that one is not enough for Dan, Jane and I. I usually eat 1/3 of the pizza myself and Dan could probably eat a whole one, so we make two. :)

Marinated BBQ Flank Steak & fries
$15-$20 Depending on size of steak/sale, etc.

1.5lb Flank Steak
Marinade:
1/2 cup olive oil
1/3 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice
1.5 tbsp worchestershire sauce
1 tbsp dijon mustard
2 cloves fresh minced garlic
1/2 tsp fresh ground pepper

4-5 red or white potatoes, cut into 0.5" fries
Olive Oil
Paprika
S&P

(1) Mix together marinade and pour over steak in large tuperware container. Marinate overnight or as long as possible.
(2) Preheat oven to 425. Toss potatoes with olive oil, 1 tbsp of paprika and s&p. Bake on bottom rack for 45-1 hour until browned and yummy.
(3) Preheat BBQ to med-high.
(4) Place steak on HOT BBQ and close lid, let sear for 1-2 mins on each side to seal in juices. Grill meat for 5 mins per side after searing for medium steak (obviously depends on thickness). I like mine well-done, so I usually cut off a separate piece for myself and char the f outta it. :)
I made this flank steak for the first time a few weeks ago (used to use another marinade/recipe) and Dan said it was my best steak yet. Jane is not a big fan, however, so she'll likely be having KD with cut up tofu added (she thinks it's chicken and when combined with the veggie KD makes me feel a lot less guilty)! :p My daddy-o's in town so I'm making a "special" father's day meal for him. :)

That's it folks! That's what we're having for dins this week! Feel free to share some recipes yourself!

guest post: top 8 things every pregnant woman should know about breastfeeding

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Mon, 18 Jun 2012 21:31:00 +0000

I'm going to start this post out with an admission and then a clear statement so there's no confusion...

Admission: When I was pregnant with Jane and met Moms who weren't breastfeeding, I TOTALLY judged them. If they didn't have a good reason, I completely disagreed with their decision not to breastfeed. In my defense, I also told myself my child would never drink juice over water, I'd never feed her KD, and that I was never going to bribe my child with candy. If THAT me were to visit THIS me, she'd be very disappointed. If THIS me could say something to THAT me, I'd say YOU'RE A CLUELESS IDIOT. :)

Statement: After successfully breastfeeding Jane for eleven months, I now tell my pregnant friends something different. My new advice re: breastfeeding is: If it's a priority for you, you CAN make it happen and it CAN be easy and it CAN be wonderful. If it's not a priority for you, don't stress yourself out about it.

Here's the other thing - this post is completely one-sided. Because I've only had ONE child, and I breastfed, I can only speak to experience with bf-ing. So, anyone who wants to chime in on formula-feeding, do so in the comments section please!

I have no idea why breastfeeding was such a priority to me but it was. I wanted it to work. I wanted to do it right. I wanted to follow all the "rules". I read about it. I learned about it beforehand. I asked questions to friends beforehand. It was just a priority. I think part of my reasons were for "health" reasons for baby. I think part was that I did NOT want to have to pay for formula cause it's $$$ insanity. And I think the last part of me held out hope that bf-ing was going to be the liposuction people claim it is. The last was not the case for me, unfortunately.

It was also one of the hardest things I had to adjust to, learn, struggle with, when Jane arrived. I cannot speak to how my experience would have been different if I was formula feeding - I know there are also struggles that accompany this (gas, which formula to use, having to do all that prep - between sanitizing, mixing, etc.). What I can say is that it definitely made the first 8 weeks of life with a newborn challenging... which, I think they basically are in general regardless of feeding choice. For clarity, what I often say is the first 8 weeks of bf-ing were HELL. Then, it was fantastic. Once I got it all down pat. Once Jane got it all down pat. Once my milk adjusted. Once I relaxed. It was the easiest thing in the world and I loved it. So, as I approach the arrival of my second little monkey... I have no choice but to hope that I can have the same experience as last time.

Of course, this has been on my mind for the past few weeks and coincidentally, in making an invite for a customer on MBD, I came by Gloria - a lactation consultant - who offered me help if I needed once baby arrived. I immediately asked her to write a post on the blog as, I know that I benefited from all the advice and research I did before Jane arrived.

As always, you know my RULE... this post is not intended to (1) sway you one way or the other or (2) judge you for your choice. My only RULE is: Do what works for you! But, if you're hoping to bf, I know you'll find the tips below useful as they were great reminders for me! Enjoy!!

Top 8 Things Every Pregnant Woman Should Know About Breastfeeding

1. LEARN THE BASICS BEFOREHAND. It has been documented that women are traditionally in a poor position to learn new information and new skills during the taking in phase. READ: Its really hard to do anything but panic and love the first days after the baby is born and NOT a good time to START learning about breastfeeding.

2. WATCH BREASTFEEDING WOMEN. If you know women who have breastfed or are breastfeeding talk to them, observe them (if they don't mind). Don't worry no one will think you are weird if you show up to a La Leche League meeting pregnant and ask questions about breastfeeding. They will be THRILLED that you care and HAPPY to share with you. If you have seen it before and have some idea how it normally looks you will likely fall into the appropriate actions and stance when you meet your baby.

3. SKIN TO SKIN CONTACT. THIS would be my number one piece of advice if those other two bits of advice didn't chronologically need to happen before the baby was born. Skin to skin contact means having your NAKED baby in ONLY a diaper resting belly down on top of your NAKED chest with a blanket, hospital gown or sheet over the baby's bare back. While I always explain this the same way I sometimes find my patients "doing skin to skin" while the baby is wearing a onesie, or the mother is wearing a bra - neither of which actually count as skin to skin. SKIN TO SKIN is ABSOLUTELY the very best way to spend THE MAJORITY of time with your newborn. It helps to elicit their natural instincts to open their mouths, root around and properly latch to the breast. The most important time of all to do skin to skin is in the first two hours after the birth. In hospitals sometimes skin to skin is delayed for the repair of a tear or episiotomy or because the nurse assumes you wouldn't want a bloody baby placed on your chest. This delay in the first skin to skin contact is INCREDIBLY detrimental to your chances for EASE and successful breastfeeding. It doesn't mean you won't or can't breastfeed however, it will likely mean that you will have more difficulty achieving the elusive "perfect latch". As a patient in a hospital let your nurse and Dr. know ahead of time that you absolutely WANT your baby put skin to skin immediately after delivery and for as long as possible. After this time try to spend AS MUCH TIME AS YOU AND YOUR BABY LIKE in skin to skin until you feel that everything is going PERFECTLY with your breastfeeding. If I could go back and do one thing differently with my first son I would throw away all his adorable "newborn" outfits and have him skin to skin with me for the first 4 weeks of his life. YES, it's that important. Yes, you should do it for at least 8 hours out of every day! Since mothering is the most important job you will have in the first weeks after birth imagine that topless is your uniform and baby's too!

4. FOLLOW BABY'S CUES. When your baby is opening her mouth, looking around the room, frowning, trying to eat or lick her hand or fingers SHE IS HUNGRY. It does not matter if she just breastfed for 10 minutes, 45 minutes or 300 minutes. It does not matter if she has eaten 12 times already today. IF SHE SHOWS SIGNS OF HUNGER.... SHE IS HUNGRY. That seems so obvious but I can't tell you how many people just don't believe the incredible frequency that breastfed babies need to eat with. PLEASE FOLLOW YOUR BABY... she will never lead you wrong. Baby's who are crying have passed the earlier hunger cues mentioned above and are already in distress. If you wait until the baby cries her attempts to nurse will likely be uncoordinated and less successful.

5. EXPECT EXHAUSTION. There is NOTHING you can do to prepare yourself for the absolute exhaustion that will overtake you as a new parent but try to envision it and embrace the idea of being up to feed your baby. SLEEP as much as you can before baby comes, especially starting the 38-40th weeks of pregnancy. These are your last chances to sleep well so try to enjoy them even if you aren't exactly comfortable with the largeness of the baby who will inevitably wake up and kick your bladder while you are resting. Once the baby is born I want you to take a deep breath, look at his little face and say "goodbye sleep it was so nice to know you". Accept that it is NORMAL for a breastfeeding mother to sleep in SHORT segments of time (sometimes 15 minutes) several times in a day. This is NOT what we were used to and it will not feel like real sleep. It will not kill you but you may feel like it will. In the first few weeks after my son was born I used to repeat the mantra "it is my privilege and an honor to be able to wake up and feed you". I needed to remind myself that not everyone is LUCKY enough to 1. Get pregnant and have a baby and 2. breastfeed.

6. ASK FOR HELP. With everything and anything. Shamelessly. When your mother-in-law comes to "help" with the baby remind her that what you really need help with is dishes and laundry and fresh meals. If breastfeeding isn't going well seek the help of a professional lactation consultant or a La Leche League leader. Don't be afraid to say I need help, something is not right. Ask your husband or partner to help you with ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. With breastfeeding they can help you by handing you the baby, removing baby's clothes for skin to skin, stimulating a sleepy baby, bringing you water.... heck, I've even seen dad's holding breasts for baby as mommy slept.

7. Buy AMAZING support tools. I HIGHLY recommend the pillow "My Brest Friend". This pillow snaps around your waist so it won't slide away from you like the Boppy tends to. It has lumps to help correctly position baby's butt and head. Quite frankly I can't say enough nice things about it... I loved mine and wouldn't have survived nursing without it.

8. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. The number one concern I hear from mothers is "I don't think I have milk" or how do I know the baby is really eating. Remember that our bodies are divinely created to provide for our children. It is incredibly rare that a mother MEDICALLY can not breastfeed or that a baby is actually incapable. BELIEVE that you are completely capable of sustaining your baby. Just the way you grew her when she was inside of you and your body provided what she needed - now you will continue to grow her as your body provides.

Namaste and good luck earth mamas =)
Gloria, RN and soon to be IBCLC

birthday party pics!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 23:08:00 +0000

Finally getting around to posting about my "baby's" birthday party last weekend...

A little bit of history - because Jane and my niece, Lucy, are the same age and were born two weeks apart, we've done joint parties for the past two years. Going forward, though, I think this is the last joint party. As much as it makes sense to do so for family, it doesn't make much sense for any other reason! :p Jane and Lucy don't have the same "group" plus, I think, next year (being that they'll be four), they might be more interested in having their own special days.

So, this year, I suggested we rent a place for the party vs. doing it at my sis's house or mine... mostly due to the fact that I knew I'd be huge and grumpy and not wanting to clean up and decorate much, etc. I was right. I might have had four hours sleep the night before the party and, between company and party prep, I was zonkered! We rented an "indoor playground" for a private party and it was awesome. The kids loved it, the space was ideal and it took us ten minutes to throw everything into a garbage bag afterwards and LEAVE! WOOT WOOT! Plus, being that it was split between two families, it wasn't too expensive. I don't know that I'd do it if it were just us as it would be a little pricier than I might be willing to pay to get out of cleaning... in fact, I'd probably just do it at home and pay to have molly maids come in the next day, if I were doing it myself. :p

As far as themes go, I started planning early and, because the party was for both Jane and Lucy, didn't want to go with a typical character theme as it might be difficult to find someone/something that appealed to both of them. Last year was easy - Minnie Mouse - what two year old doesn't LOVE Minnie? But this year, Jane gave me the inspiration as I asked her what she wanted at her birthday party and she said CUPCAKES! THe child LOVES cupcakes. So, cupcake theme it was! Simple and all-pleasing, fantastico!

This was the invite and thank you card combo I came up with for the girls party...

It was inspired by the cupcake wrappers and favor boxes I found from the lovely Martha Stewart at Michaels (seen in the other photos below). I like to coordinate. It's a blessing and a curse.

I also went with the cupcake theme because, two years ago for Jane's first birthday, I bought a $40 giant cupcake pan that I promised myself I'd use more than once... so this gave me a good excuse to pull it out again. I was disappointed, however, as I found a flower-shaped cupcake pan on sale this winter and was so excited about flower-shaped cupcakes that I bought "turf" tiles to line my cupcake trays with so that it would look like flowers in the grass (I know, I'm so cool) and no matter how much batter I used - a little, a little more, too much, a little less - I could not get effin' FLOWERS! So, we just had varying sizes of different color cupcakes - that, of course, I matched to the colours of the invites and martha stewart stuff - that, of course, no one else noticed but ME! :p tee hee hee.

Here's a photo summary of my efforts...

I got the cupcakes toppers on Etsy (of course)... pretty cheap, I think it was $10 for a dozen, totally custom and I got two orders - one for Jane, one for Lucy. I did the big cupcake as a cake for just the girls - for diggin' into with fingers - and individual cupcakes for the other kids and parents instead of a cake to cut. I think it went pretty well. The kids seemed to like that they could choose a cupcake colour of their choice. The party was from 4-6pm and, conveniently, right next to a pizza spot, so it's no surprise what we ordered for dinner! :p Can you ever go wrong with pizza?!?!

I filled the loots bags with a mix of candy, mini chocolate bars, bubbles, and either pretty hair ties for girls or dinkies for boys. I mean, lets be honest... all the kids want is some candy but some parents aren't in to that so the loot bags can be tricky. We all remember loot bags growing up. Candy = success.

I'm thankful we're still in the politics-free party planning stage... I mean, we invite who we want to come. Simple as that. I suspect, once we get into the school-age-parties, things will get a little more complicated. Do you invite everyone in the class? Do you invite only the kids your kid likes? You have invite those who have invited you... and the gift thing is tricky. I always say "your presence is present enough" but people always bring gifts! Do I appreciate it, of course! But, it's not necessary. How do you truly avoid this? I mean, Jane gets enough gifts from us, the family, etc. She didn't even open her own gifts this year because she was so wired and distracted by everything that I ended up opening everything after she went to bed. :p

Because it's Friday and I feel like I'm bored writing this post, let alone for you poor folks out there reading it... I'm stopping now. :p

Here are some pics of my sweet girl. Look how grown up she is!

same ol', same ol'

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 23:53:00 +0000

This is going to be the world's shortest post as I am currently cremating at Starbucks... I have no idea what I was thinking but I thought, AC, it will be cold there (forgetting I'm 34 weeks pregnant and basically going through severe menopausal symptoms) so I wore full-length yoga pants (that don't fit at all) and a sweater... and I'm roasting. The decaf skinny vanilla latte that I continue to sip, despite ongoing cremation, is likely not helping...

Anyways, I'm here because we switched internet/cable providers yesterday after being loyal customers for like 12 years... and we immediately hated the new provider. SO, we switched back today. Sometimes a little bit of savings ISN'T worth the inconvenience. SO, we're currently without internet/tv at home and I have a ton of work to do for my Etsy shop! ARGH!

Moral of the story - some times things ARE too good to be true. Sometimes it's best to stick with the same ol', same ol', if you have no complaints... even when something sexier comes along. I apply this to my marriage as well... unless that sexier being is Taylor Kitsch, in which case, Jane and I are goners! :p tee hee hee.

I am 34 weeks pregnant!! WOOT WOOT! Two weeks and one day left of work! WOOT WOOT!

Haven't heard squat from my doc about my platelets - which, you'd think would be good news, but I'm not convinced I believed her when she said she'd "call if she was concerned"... I have little faith in the organization of the PNC (prenatal clinic). Not because they aren't great, just because they are dealing with every grumpy, complaining and screwed up pregnant woman in the city and I'm thinking my low platelets may get lost in the shuffle. I'd be worried, except, I'm only 34 weeks preggers and I see my doc in 7 days so I figure we'll still have lots of time to freak out and figure out what to do if they start dropping again.

If you don't follow me on facebook... shame on you! :p But, the update on my face issues is that I saw a DERM finally this week. Apparently, it's what I have is fantastically (sarcasm) facial, effin' eczema... so I'm being treated with Hydrocortisone cream and I'm supposed to pray it goes away after pregnancy. In the words of the derm (whom I'm a bit in love with I think) "pregnancy is screwy". Understatement my dear friend, understatement. Interestingly, since I've started expressing my anger about my itchy skin disorder, turns out it must be quite common as every 4-5 woman I speak with who've had kids or are pregnant, have experienced something similar. It's an outbreak I tell you - save yourselves! :p

Alrightly, my sweets, enough roasting for me... home time! xoxo until tomorrow.

I'm bringing frumpy back...

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 01:23:00 +0000

So I get dressed in pretty much the last dress that is still work-appropriate this
am... Because I refused to spend $70 on stupid maternity dresses and, thus, now that the belly is getting gigantic, my former respectable dresses only make me an attractive target for creepy men who have pregnancy fetishes because they are pulled up so much in front that you could probably see my voo if you tried real hard... I, unfortunately have tried real hard and cannot see it myself at this point no matter how hard I try to suck-in or maneuver the belly.

Anyways, dressed in dress. Warm, so I'm bare legged. Shoes. Crap. Shoes. What will I wear on my feet?

So with Jane on my hip (yes, I'm still carrying her - no need to lecture, I know I'm stupid), I slip into my black flats. Flats. Urgh. I am not a flats girl. I walk differently in flats. I waddle, in fact. I ask Dan if they look ok. To which he smartly replies "yes, they look fine". To which I whine, "I look frumpy!". To which he stupidly replies, "you're supposed to look frumpy, you're pregnant..." My response is to go back in and change into my heels... Just a "kitten" heel, not anything life threatening.

Big.

Big.

Mistake.

By 2:30pm, the ball of my left foot was basically aching and cramping so badly, I was limping... Like, no option but to limp because I couldn't walk on it without collapsing. An hour later, my calves spasmed and, despite stretching anywhere and everywhere I could without looking like a complete idiot (try stretching your calves in public without looking like an idiot...), my calves are now in knots and aching like I ran a half-marathon...

So, I'm bringing frumpy back...

Sexy is so 2009 anyways.

GUEST POST: Couponing for Dummies

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 00:01:00 +0000

I have long admired the dedication and loyalty of those who "coupon"... mostly, because after losing my job during pregnancy number one, finding ways to save money became a bit of an addiction (although I found other ways to spend saved money, of course, I'm only a woman) and I've kept this "saving" mentality since then. However, I've never mastered the art of couponing. If I happen to find a coupon of a product I am buying, and remember to bring it, and remember to pull it out of my purse, then I will... but I am one of those people who gets to the line-up, every time, and realizes her 4500 reuseable shopping bags are either (1) by the front door (at home) or (2) in the trunk... However, after reading this great guest post, by my friend and fantastic couponer, Laura, I realized I have part of the steps already completed - meal planning. Meal planning is life in my house. It saves HUGE money and HUGE time, as Laura says, as there's never a point where we're saying "what's for dinner" and realizing that, although we just spent $150 on groceries, we didn't actually buy anything that, together, makes a meal.... What I've never done though, is use the flyers (and what's on sale) to plan my meals. THIS is a HUGELY big deal, fantastic idea that, I realize fully, is not rocket science but just blew MY mind. :p

Here's my intention... I'm going to take Laura's tips and try to apply them to my grocery shopping next weekend and then I'll post about my experience and savings (hopefully) next Monday. I intended to do it this weekend but with Jane's birthday party (pictures to come tomorrow) and a visit from my mom-in-law from NYC, I didn't actually get to the grocery store...

Here it is! Hope you find Laura's tips helpful and can, at least, incorporate some strategies into your weekly shopping as a penny saved is a penny to spend on something for YOU (and to hide from your husband)! :p

When I had a baby and went on maternity leave the budget was tight so I decided to look at ways on how I could save money. It first started with using coupons on diapers and formula but after some internet research I found out about price matching and decided to give it a try. If you’re looking for an easy way to save money, meal planning, using coupons and price matching is the answer!

The first thing you’ll need is flyers.

Flyers are great for two reasons. 1. You can plan your meals based on what is on sale. 2. You can use these flyers to price match. Each week I sit down to make my grocery list with my flyers and when I see something that interests me I write down the item, what flyer it is from and the price listed. By doing this I can compare the price in the flyer with the price in the grocery store (to make sure I am getting a good deal) without having to shuffle through my flyers. This also helps to be more organized at the cash register so you can remember what item you will be price matching and what flyer it is from.

Meal Planning – This is an easy way to save money! Once a week I sit down and decide what our family is going to eat for the week. By doing this, I am only buying what our family needs and not buying unnecessary food that can get wasted, especially when it comes to produce. Not only does it saving me money but it’s saving us time knowing what we will be eating each night when we get home from work.

Now onto the fun part!

Price Matching – In my opinion, Wal Mart and Real Canadian Superstore are the best places to price match. (Not all stores will do this so you will have to ask around). What this means is you take the flyer of a competitor company (Loblaws, Sobeys, Shoppers Drug Mart, No Frills, etc) to your grocery store and pay the lower price in their flyer. I do all of my shopping at Superstore and bring all of my flyers with me on my shopping trips and price match so that I don’t have to go to multiple locations to get the deals. Who has time for that? Wondering what you can price match?? Pretty much anything and everything! Food (including fruits, veggies and meat), toiletries, household products, and baby products to name a few.

Coupons - Not only can you price match to save money but you can use coupons too. There are a few websites that will mail you coupons for free, all you need to do is sign up and occasionally check to see if they have added new ones that they can mail to you. These websites include; www.websaver.com, www.save.ca, www.brandsaver.com, www.gocoupons.com. There are also printable coupons which can be found at www.smartsource.ca. Other places you can find coupons are tear pads found in the stores, magazines, inserts in newspapers and Facebook. When you “like” a company you often have access to promotional coupons. For example, I recently liked Nordica Cottage Cheese and was able to get a coupon for a free container. Typically they are connected to websites such as websaver and save.ca so you must have an account with these websites. The best is when you can use a coupon for an item that you are price matching on a really good sale, quite often I’m able to get something for free!

At first it may seem overwhelming but once you get a system down it is quite easy and takes little time. I have a notebook for my meal planning and grocery list/price match list, as well as a file folder for all of my coupons. My friend on the other hand has a binder for her coupons with a pad of paper in the binder. Figuring out a system that works for you will reduce the time it takes to get everything together.

I’m sure you’re wondering how much you can save?? On an average grocery bill I will spend $100 but save $30 to $40. Some weeks are better then others and it depends on the sales and what you need to buy but setting aside some time to meal plan, make a grocery list and make a price matching list is well worth the money you will be saving! Knowing that I saved even a little bit of money is a great feeling!

I know only of Laura's couponing because I follow her on facebook and regularly "like" her "Saved $60 on groceries this week" comments... and those are the types of numbers we're talking some weeks! THAT was enough to peak my interest and get her on board to write this post for you!

Happy Couponing Mommas!

gestational thrombocytopenia

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Fri, 08 Jun 2012 00:40:00 +0000

Don't you just love when I decide to give you a lesson in fantastic potential disorders and complications of pregnancy?

I know that you're missing hearing about my decaying face... :p Which, by the way, I have a derm appointment for on Monday, THANK GOD, because I went to a derm conference for work last weekend and am now convinced I have some sort of crazy disease that's going to kill me. Sometimes knowledge isn't power. Sometimes knowledge is scary. :p I'm going to see if I can convince this derm to stick with me and check out some of my moles because I've now become a paranoid and am convinced I have melanoma. :p My sister will love this as I usually make fun of her for being convinced of her own melanoma.

Anyways. Thrombocytopenia. That's me. Low platelets. I mentioned that during my last visit, it turned out that NO I didn't have gestational diabetes like I assumed after getting "the call" post diabetes workup. I have low platelets... clotting factors in my blood. Apparently the "norm" is 150-400, and mine started at 155, was at 140 last time and I just had blood work done on Monday and turns out now I'm 112... n.g.

Apparently, my doc tells me, that low platelets can be a sort of autoimmune response of the body during pregnancy... this is also what some docs/friends have mentioned when talking about my eye skin condition. So it kind of makes sense that if my immune system is weak because I'm pregnant, tired, etc. that all these stupid things are happening to me. Lets hope that it's because my body is focusing so much energy on building a sweet, healthy babe! :)

Anyways. Next step? More blood work. I forgot to mention, during my blood work this week, the nurse told me I had "three beautiful veins"... to which I responded "That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a long time and, at this point, probably the ONLY thing beautiful going on here". Tee hee hee. So, back for blood work Monday so they can track the platelet count to see if (1) it stays low or (2) drops. My understanding, if I remember the conversation at all, is that if it stays above 100, we'll just continue to monitor it every week. If it drops lower then I have to see the hematologist who will put me on one of two things to get my clotting factors back up - oral steroids or IV something. I have no idea what either of those things mean. I have no idea if they are 100% ok for baby but I assume the "risk will outweigh the benefit" in this case. And I was freaking out about taking stupid benadryl for a crappy cold a few months back. Along with the blood doc, I get to see the drug doc... and by the drug doc, I mean the guy with the good stuff. Because, apparently, if my platelets are too low - no epidural for me. Who here thinks I can make it through natural delivery?

No one?

Not one person?

Yup. Me neither. I don't want to try to make it through natural labour! That's not something I want to check off my list!

Apparently, I'm not at serious risk until my platelets drop below 50... so, lets pray that doesn't become an issue.

They checked back on my last labour and my platelets were 121. SO, they were low then too. But, apparently, they didn't track platelets or something throughout pregnancy then so they have no way of knowing if I fluctuated or what my levels were throughout pregnancy number one. And, during labour number one, no one even mentioned to me that my platelets were "low". So, I'm hoping that the 112 is just a low "fluctuation" and next week I'll be closer to 120-140ish.

Ok. Now that I've shared a bunch of boring, nonsense, numbers with you... here's the good news. Apparently, only 1 out of the 10 of you who are pregnant or planning to get pregnant will have to care at all about this post. So, you can thank me later for this vital information. :p

Anyways, everything else is great with the baby so far. LOTS of movement, good heart rate (which also freaks me out) and measuring good. I say heart rate freaks me out because when I was preggers with Jane, during one of my later appts the doc checked her heart rate and it was like 105, so I got admitted for monitoring for two hours. Turns out, Jane just didn't like it when I lay on my back. Well, you can imagine how that's affected me this time. I NEVER lie on my back and freak out when I wake up at night and realize I've been sleeping on my back, imagining that I've been cutting off the oxygen supply to my baby for the last, God knows how many, hours. Every time I lay down for them to check the heart rate (on my back), I'm waiting to hear that "slow" gallop in fear that I've done it again. ARGH.

I'm telling you. Pregnancy number two is so much more stressful than number one... for me at least. With Jane, I was naive enough to think, if I did everything "right", everything would be fine. Well, this time, I feel like I was so blessed with pregnancy number one that I'm not deserving of an ideal pregnancy number two. I know, I know. Tell me to calm down. Whatever. It's not going to work. I'm not like seriously stressing or anything... that's just not my style. But it's a constant, weak, thought in the back of my mind. Like I'm just waiting for something to go a little bit wrong.

Ok, I have to go to bed. Jane had a crappy night's sleep last night and, sure enough, I woke up this morning and my eye skin was itching all over again! ARGH! So, even though I'm not ready for bed, I'm going to bed.

Seven weeks and counting baby. Seven weeks.

three years ago and what i know now

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 23:07:00 +0000

Three years ago, right now, I was in between two emotions.... complete and total, unbelievable, rock your world LOVE and fear. Often times, I think the two come hand in hand but not so strongly, not all at once!

Today is my sweet "baby" Jane's third birthday. Oh. My. Goodness. Where did three years go?

This was my first minute with the love of my life... I don't even remember it. Those first few days are a complete blur. I just remember loving her instantly and fearing for two things: (1) not having a clue what to do and (2) not being able to give her what she needed. Not everyone falls in love with their baby instantaneously... this is normal. Sometimes it takes days, weeks, months. But I was so in love with her from the first second she was placed on my chest.

The two things I realized right away were (1) all the books I read were useless because nothing can prepare you for motherhood except 100's of years of instincts and (2) thankfully, I had common sense and instincts. I will say, however, that my most vivid memory of that blur was watching Jane sleep, all swaddled up (which, don't even bother, you will never master like the nurses do... save yourself the headache and buy some SwaddleMe's)... and her head had fallen to the side. Dan and I didn't know if this was ok. Should we prop her head up so it was straight? We asked the nurse. Seriously. She probably had severe concerns about our ability to parent a newborn baby after that point.

It is based on THIS memory alone that I feel like baby number two - although bringing along different challenges (like having double the responsibility) - alone, will be easier. At least I know the basics this time. At least I know five hundred different ways to treat cradle cap - or I can re-read the blog to see what I did before. :p I know to blame any sort of fussiness and horrible sleeping patterns on "growth spurts" because it'll make me feel like less of a failure. I know breastfeeding is going to be hard as eff for the first 8 weeks minimum. I know recovering from vaginal delivery (if all goes well) is going to suck arse... cause when you get the drugs, it ain't the actual delivering of the baby that sucks, it's the vaginal PTSD. I know I will age another 5 years in those first 6 months. I know I will be tired. I know I will hate the way I look. I know my boobs are going to be GYNORMOUS and, most of the time, feel and look like veiny over-full balloons ready to pop. I know I have to find a way to remember which boob baby ate from last time... because I know that, when screwed up, an over-full boob hurts like hell and, dear Lord help me if I get mastitis. I know that I don't care (this time) about giving the baby a soother right away. With Jane I wanted to do everything "perfectly" and suffered through 24 hours of cluster feeding in the first 2 days (which mean zero recovery for mommy) before I gave in and let her have it... giving me peace, her satisfaction, my nipples recovery, and SLEEP for all. I know my house will turn into a babies-r-us store. I know gas will be my worst enemy and burping my best, and only, ally. I know I am going to be changing A LOT of diapers. I know, if it's a girl, I already know how to do this pretty well. If it's a boy, I know I will be peed on regularly among the ceiling, walls, and anything else within a 30 ft radius. I know I will laugh about this.

What I don't know is a lot too. I imagine going from one child to two, is just as hard to explain as it is when you try to explain to someone who's not a parent, how much you love your child. I have no idea, nor can I even comprehend, at this point, how I will love another human being as much as I love Jane. I have no idea how my labour will go. I have no idea if we will have to face serious, scary and unexpected challenges. I have no idea if this is a boy or a girl... it's a girl. :p I have no idea if this baby will latch well. I have no idea if this baby will sleep well. I have no idea how Jane will actually respond when this baby is out of my belly. I have no idea how to coordinate everything between Jane, labour, daycare, hospital, visits, everything (but, you know me, I will darn well try anyways). The only thing I do know is that, just like with the first, people can tell you all they want to about their own experience becoming a parent of two and it means JACK because nobody knows what it will be like for you, until it's you.

All I can think of today is how quickly the last three years have gone by... and, where, in three years we'll be (praying, hoping, dreaming we are lucky enough to have another three years of this beautiful life). I'll still have a three year old in three years. But I'll also have a six year old. And, I imagine, just as I am today... reflecting back on how quickly the time flew by. Didn't time seem to go so much slower when we were kids? Didn't the two months of summer vacation feel like an eternity?

Dan and I took some time last night, spontaneously, and went through tons of old photos of Jane from the past few years. I cannot wait to go through it all again, and share it WITH her...

32 weeks and counting...

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 31 May 2012 23:05:00 +0000

Oh my nerves...

During your first pregnancy, everything's so new to you and the time seems to fly by and you're just so excited about passing every week that you take weekly photos to "track your progress" that, btw, you will never look at again until you SHOULDN'T look at them (i.e. during your second pregnancy) because they make you want to crawl into a hole and hide for your third trimester.

During your second pregnancy... you're. over. it.

On the same visit to my girlfriend's the other day (who just had her second baby boy), first thing I said when she bent over to put the little guy in his bouncer was "oh my God, how much do you love being able to bend over again?" I cannot bend over. It hurts every part of me.

I can't breathe. It feels like I'm constantly doing a crunch (and I don't do crunches because I hate them). This baby is SO HIGH right now that I've convinced myself he/she is a vampire baby and will break all of my ribs in the next kick (if you're not teenager enough to have read Twilight, you have no idea what I'm talking about). Sometimes it's so uncomfortable I try to sit up straighter, only to realize, I'm as straight as possible!

I ate almost ONE piece of pizza for lunch today... one, thin crust piece of mushroom pizza (barely any cheese) and I couldn't finish it because there's no room in my stomach for food. Somehow, miraculously, however, at night this is not the case... go figure?!?!

I shaved my legs in the tub tonight. It was hell. I'm pretty sure I cut off oxygen supply to the baby for at least the full five minutes it took to shave the bottoms of two legs as it was literally as if I was lifting 100 lb barbells... you know how you hold your breath when you're lifting something really heavy, or when your doing any sort of really hard labour. That's how I shave my legs. It's hard labour.

I'm still itchy all over. My face seems to be getting better but then my eyebrow spot starting itching again today so I'm sure I'll look like death again tomorrow morning. My belly rash is mostly gone all but for one spot on my right side that refuses to depart and annoys the heck out of me. Recently, the skin on my upper arms, right above both elbows, started itching insanely but only in the middle of the night... this I love and is not annoying at all.

My pregnancy update for 32 weeks... first sentence... "no wonder you're starting to feel huge". Awesome. So, it's not just me.

I've convinced myself this baby is going to be a 10 pounder as the child seems to span from love-handle-to-love-handle. I literally feel a kick in my right love handle (which I never experienced with Jane, never so far over) and then feel the ricochet of it's bum or head or something in my left love handle. Which convinces me I'm going to have the child who never sleeps because, it literally seems like that's the case. I'm hopeful that the fact that I notice so much movement during the day means that the baby is right on the perfect schedule of sleeping during the night... ha ha ha. I'm joking. I'm not that stupid.

This is my favourite paragraph of this weeks pregnancy email:
It's hard enough to get to sleep when you're pregnant without worrying about whether you're disturbing your partner too. Follow our tips for a safe night's snooze. If you're concerned that sex in the final months will harm your baby, stop worrying. For most women, sex during pregnancy is fine right up until their waters break and may even help jump-start labour,if the baby's overdue. So go for it!

Yes, b'y. (1) As if I care whether I'm waking Dan up or not. He's the lucky one who doesn't have to be fat, uncomfortable and gets to be same-old-same-old, least he can do is keep my grumpy arse company at 3 in the morning. (2) I'm not concerned about sex in the final months, because I've put myself on "pelvic rest". Have you heard of this? This might be the most important thing you read today... "pelvic rest". Apparently, if you have some sort of crappy pregnancy issue, your doc will put you on pelvic rest... which means you have a medical reason for not having sex. I've put myself on pelvic rest and am hopeful I can convince my doc to write me a note recommending pelvic rest for the first 6 months post-partum! :p ha ha ha. Feel free to let your partner know your doc has put you off on pelvic rest after your next docs appt. Your welcome. :) Although, I will force Dan to make woopy in the two weeks leading up to baby's due date. It worked last time! :)

Here's my 32 week pregnancy comparison from preggers numero uno to now... and, yes, I took the time just now to transpose the photos together to see if I was bigger or smaller in the belly this time vs. last. Here's the shocking news. I'm smaller. There are miracles! I should have taken a front on picture of my arse for both cases so I could compare those two things because I'm pretty sure I would not have the same pleasant result and I own that s*** happily.

I'm out of town tomorrow night for work so won't be able to complain... lucky you. :p xoxo

daycare, guilt & getting over it

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 31 May 2012 00:22:00 +0000

When we originally decided to get preggers with baby number two, we planned to switch Jane from full-time daycare to part-time when I was off on mat leave. Two reasons - mainly, $$$, secondly, guilt? Thinking about being home with the baby, I felt like I should also allow Jane to have some time with me as well.

Well. We changed our minds. We saved our money and I know it'll be worth every penny.

We're keeping Jane in daycare full-time while I'm off on mat-leave and the more I discuss it with other moms, other new moms of two (or more) and the more I think about it, the more I know (FOR US) it's the right thing for everybody.

I visited a girlfriend yesterday who's second little man is three weeks old. First of all, and this is a telling story (that anyone with one child can relate to, let alone two), I get to the front door and there's a note on it "Jen, come on in!". It was like WAKE-UP-CALL. I forgot about the days where, because of nursing, I couldn't get the door, answer the phone, pee on demand (see To Pee or Not To Pee). Sure enough, I find my friend on the couch, nursing her new sweetie pie. The house is calm. The music is soft and low. The house is exactly how I had my house when Jane was first born... quiet, soothing, warm, fantastic. So my first question is... where's her older son (who's 2 and a half). Daycare. She tells me he's staying in full-time. HALLELUJAH. It was like all my questions answered and, I think, a relief for both of us to agree that, for our families, it's the best thing. I looked around, while she nursed, and thought... hmmmm.... if her son was here, he'd be freakin' BORED OUT OF HIS MIND and, likely, watching TV or playing with the computer or, basically, having to keep himself busy/occupied right now because Mommy had other things to do... which, we all know, often leads to one of two things: a tantrum at the most inopportune time or severe-mommy-guilt, or... both.

Here's the thing. Jane LOVES daycare. Are there days where she clings to me and doesn't want me to leave... yeah. She also tells me she's "sick" like every night before bed... tonight her "foot was sick" because she wants to stay awake and have time with me (master manipulators I tell ya). But, every day, no fail, it takes me 5-10 minutes to get her to leave because she wants to play more. And, y'all have already heard my thoughts on how great daycare is for Jane so to think about her sitting around the house, having to occupy herself all the time (especially during those first few, unpredictable, exhausting weeks), would kill me. Jane's very independent. But there's a difference between independence and not being able to be there and be present for her. So, there's the first argument FOR full-time daycare for us... Jane loves it and it's SO GOOD for her. Side thought: Sometimes people feel guilt because, essentially daycare plays a significant role in "raising" your child. Here's the thing. I'm OK with that. I'm OK with someone else influencing my child and impacting who she will become because here's a nearly unbelievable thought... I ain't perfect. :p I don't want Jane to be just like me. I annoy myself at times. I have weaknesses... and even some of my strengths, I don't wish on her sometimes!

Second argument. It's good for me. Anyone who's had a baby knows that it's tiring and all completely out of your control. So, basically, the same as having a toddler sometimes. :p Mostly during those first few 6-8 weeks (or 6 months if you're being really honest), life is a big beautiful blur. I am planning, especially during this time, to keep things routine for Jane and keep her trucking along to "school" with daddy every day... so that I can focus on getting myself and baby up-to-snuff again.

I'm thinking, after the first 6-8 weeks, I will probably keep Jane home from school here and there... maybe once or twice a week. We'll probably get her enrolled in gymnastics or something. But, here's the benefit of keeping her in full-time, I can plan which days to keep her home based on what's makes the most sense that week. For example, keeping her home from school the day after baby and I have been up all night teething... maybe not the best idea for anyone. :p

Here's what bugs me... judgement. ARGH, you know how much I hate judgement. We all do it, yes (it's human nature), but SERIOUSLY people, you don't need to be an oscar-winning-actress, but can't you try a little HARDER not to be such an ass! How many times in this post did I say "for us", "for our family", "for her" or "for Jane". Why do I do that? Because I know families who take their kids out of daycare altogether and, you know what, they love it and it works for them. I don't care what ya do! And, I know not everyone has the ability ($$) to keep their kids in daycare full-time while they are off work... for us, it was always in the plan to at least keep Jane in part-time, and we've saved and worked our arses off to be able to do so. So, don't dare judge me for that! But, what I've heard from some of the moms who've kept their kids in school, part or full time, is that some other mommas are givin' 'um the guilt trip. Give. Me. A. Break. People.

I've often said that working makes ME a better mom. When I pick Jane up from school at the end of the day and on our special, precious weekends, I love every minute. I am present every minute. I value every minute. If I was home with two kids full-time, seven days a week, as much as I love the heck out of those kids, I'd be counting the minutes until naptime and bedtime on a regular basis. I know this because after 4-5 days straight of Christmas vacation, I start doing it. It's A LOT. Stay at home moms know this. This is WHY I could not be a stay at home mom. It's too hard! :p

I know that keeping Jane in daycare full-time means that when she is home, I will not feel one bit guilty about focusing 100% of my attention on her during that time and letting daddy handle the baby-stuff. And, to me, that is worth so much more to her than the amount of time she gets... the ol' quality over quantity. So, don't be coming to me with any guilt trip crap, cause it ain't gonna fly and I ain't gonna feel guilty over doing what I know is best for all members of MY family.

I'm not writing this post to give you advice or to tell you what I think is the best thing to do. I'm writing to tell you what I'm doing and why I'm doing it with the hope of one of two outcomes... (1) you'll feel guilt-free about your decision to do the same or (2) you'll understand a different point of view, if you've decided to do differently. :)

This is a judgement-free zone people. Unless your Beyonce. I hate her. I judge her... who the hell puts out an hour long video all about themselves and how great they are because they lost their baby weight in time for their first concert. ARGH! Yes. If I had nannies to take care of my baby twenty hours a day so that I could train 35 hours a day, I'd probably have lost the baby weight quicker too. Grrrr Beyonce. You drive me nuts with your "I'm just like you" crap. If you're gonna judge people, judge people you'll never be face-to-face with... use your judgement quota on them like I do. :)

mmmmm monday... and an important life lesson

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Mon, 28 May 2012 23:51:00 +0000

Currently staring at my husband's back, as he logs in to something on his work computer as if I'm burning holes through his shirt as he just told me he was going to get me Coldstone Creamery because I said "I'd die for ice cream", and now he's logging into his work computer? GO BITCH! ICE CREAM NOW! I'd like to say I'm joking, but, it's literally taking every bit of will power I have right now (which is none, which is why I'm getting Coldstone for no good reason other than wanting it) not to ask him why the eff he hasn't already started driving to Tim Hortons...

ARGH. Dude.

Phew. No nagging, bitchiness, necessary. He moved, he's up. He's getting the wallet. WOOT WOOT.

This is another pregnancy obsessive food thought response as, just yesterday, we had Cows ice cream which is the best... and led to a fight because, of course, there was a HUGE line up which I volunteered to wait in while daddy walked around with Jane... mostly because I couldn't decide which flavour I wanted or whether I wanted one scoop or two. So, Jane said she wanted "pink" ice cream. Well, the back story is that Jane wasn't all too happy about leaving the house in the first place so she was in that in-between stage, you know? Like right on the border of being well behaved and TOTAL MELT DOWN IN PUBLIC. So, I was getting the child some pink freakin' ice cream because, while I'm NOT all about giving the child whatever she wants, I am all about conflict-control... and what stupid parent in their right mind brings a child vanilla when she said she wanted PINK AWWS-CWEAM! The only pink ice cream they have is strawberry sorbet... SHIT. Dilemma in the middle of cows line-up with 400 people behind me and pressure is on. I stick with the pink.

Well, Jane was fine. Because she wanted Daddy's vanilla ice cream... thankfully, as if we were destined to be soul-mate-mother-daughter-friends-for-life, she has no interest in my gooie-mooie. So Daddy throws the tantrum instead. So, I offer him my ice cream as he doesn't like the pink ice cream either and, although I'd much rather my vanilla ice cream with chocolate, caramel and praline pieces in it, I take the stupid pink ice cream. Bletch. Mom's sacrifice for the greater good always, don't we? Well, after he eats like half my ice cream, Dan says he's going to go get another vanilla because he doesn't like it... so we're already grumpy with each other because we can't, obviously, be pissed at Jane for eating his ice cream, and now I'm even more pissed cause the doucheball ate half my ice cream and doesn't even like it... :p In the end, Jane ended up giving up halfway through daddy's vanilla and all were slightly happy.

That was the long way of telling you that I've had ice cream on the brain since finishing half of gooie-mooie yesterday... which, BTW, I only got the single scoop which I'm just realizing was the biggest error, perhaps, of all as I would have happily shared with Dan had I gotten the double scoop. AND, screw that altogether, because had I gotten the double scoop, I would definitely have gotten Dan the double scoop too (because I'm not looking like a heifer preggers chick) which means, Jane would have eaten just enough that Dan could have still had a full ice cream. ARGH! See. Life lesson: ALWAYS GET THE DOUBLE SCOOP!

On another bright note, we got an air conditioner for our bedroom today. HALLELUJAH! I'm hoping-n-praying I sleep tonight as I've been cremating lately and it ain't helping with the pregnancy insomnia, the grumpiness, the eating, the face issues, anything. I've said it before... I have the eating-disaster-trifecta... I eat when I'm tired. I eat when I'm stressed. I eat when I'm bored. Which means, people, I'm ALWAYS EATING. :)

Wishing you a night of calorie-rich unnecessary foods and hoping if you're pregnant, and reading this, I've given you pregnancy food obsessive thoughts about ice cream so you can now join me in "going down" as Dan said he's not interested... which made me hate him just a little bit but I wanted ice cream too much to fold at that point over pride.

mommy brain moment of the week, month, year?

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 24 May 2012 22:43:00 +0000

Was chatting with a good friend earlier in the week and, because everyone knows all the stupid things I've done over the years (I used to keep track and share them but now I can't even remember...), she felt the need to share her most recent mommy brain moment with me. Dare I say this may be one of the better ones I've heard since starting MOmMy bRaIn and since experiencing it myself. Enjoy!

Back story: What you need to know is that my friend, Alyson, is third-trimester-pregnant and has a two-year-old, therefore, there could be no bigger excuse for mommy brain (unless, she was pregnant with two-two-year-olds :p). AND, her hubby, Steve, is a cop... so that makes this story that much more believable. Brenda is their daycare owner. Claire is their sweet two-yr-old daughter.

BBM CONVO BTW STEVE AND ALYSON

Steve: Going to daycare to get Claire

Alyson: Cool, see you soon then! Give her a little kiss from me!

Steve: Riiiiiight

(I'm thinking "typical Steve", no need for emotion when she'll be home to kiss in person in no time! Dads just don't get it.)

Steve: I'm at daycare and Brenda isn't coming to open the door.

(Moderate "alarm")

Alyson: Ok, are you knocking loud enough?

Steve: She's not answering the door.

(Slightly elevated "alarm")

Alyson: Well, how long have you been there? Did you call her?

Steve: 45 minutes

(Legit alarm bells now going off)

Alyson: What??? CALL HER! What is going on?

Steve: I hear screaming inside

(Full panic has now been induced)

Alyson: WTF is going on? CALL HER STEVE!! My heart is literally not beating anymore!!

(No response from Steve for a minute so I furiously dial Brenda's cell number, then as its ringing I see...)

Steve: I'm kicking in the door

TRANSITION TO PHONE CONVO BETWEEN BRENDA AND ALYSON

Brenda: Hello?

Alyson: Brenda? It's Alyson...

(I'm confused, why does she sound so normal?)

Brenda: Hi Alyson!

Alyson: Umm, Steve's at the daycare door trying to get in and its locked...

(Dead. Silence.)

Brenda: Alyson...daycare is closed today.

(Holy fuck. What is going on? Is she being held hostage or something? Why is she acting all normal and like I'm crazy or something?)

Alyson: Well, where's Claire?

(More silence.)

Brenda: Ummmm...

(WHAT IS SHE NOT TELLING ME? Wait...it hits me… Claire's in bed for a nap... right down the hall. How the fuck did I forget that Claire's in bed for a nap? WTF is wrong with me?)

Alyson: OMG! Brenda...she's in bed here for a nap... I'm sorry, she's been at daycare all week so I'm used to being here alone in the afternoon. She's napping, so when Steve said he was going there I forgot that she was already here!! OMG, I'm soooo sorry, he obviously forgot too about daycare being closed today when he went to work.

Brenda (laughing): Haha, you really scared me there for a second, I didn't know where the heck Claire was today!! Its totally ok, you guys aren't the first parents to try to come pick up a child that isn't there, hahaha!

Alyson: Well, sorry to bother you! Wow, I feel like an idiot, haha!

(It hits me again, SHIT Steve said he was kicking down the door, FUCK!)

TRANSITION BACK TO BBM CONVO BTW STEVE AND ALYSON

I see the messages I missed while I was on the phone with Brenda...

Steve: I'm in, I got the door down

Steve: There's nobody here

(SHIT!!!)

TRANSITION TO PHONE CONVO BTW STEVE AND ALYSON

Steve: Hello?

Alyson: STEVE! DAYCARE IS CLOSED TODAY!! CLAIRE'S AT HOME!! DID YOU REALLY KICK THE DOOR DOWN??

(Dead. Silence.)

Steve: Alyson...I hope you're not being serious right now? Of course Claire is at home, I know daycare is closed today...

Alyson: What? What are you talking about? You said you were at daycare!

Steve: I was kidding...aren't you kidding too? When I told you I was going to daycare you obviously would have known there was no need, she's at home today! So I thought you were being "witty" and joking back pretending she really was at daycare!

Alyson: SO THIS WAS A BIG FUCKING JOKE??? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

(Slamming down of phone. Praying to GOD I didn't just permanently FUCK my blood pressure.)

When I could formulate sentences again I called him back, and after more screaming I saw a smidge of humour in my HUGE FUCKING MOMMY BRAIN MOMENT where I forgot that the child that I PERSONALLY put down for a nap, was still napping, and not stuck inside a daycare that my husband had to kick down the door to get her out of.

HOWEVER, he has since learned not to ever, EVER, E.V.E.R. make a "joke" like that ever again!!! Even if he thinks I'm "in on it" and just being sarcastic, he will NEVER pull that shit again. I'm laughing now, but still mad that he really didn't know I was serious about the whole thing.

I think I may have peed my pants when I read this story. Not only could I totally see it happening to me, but I am just THAT crazy that I probably would have called every possible emergency service to get to daycare ASAP.

Hope this gave you a chuckle and THANKS to Alyson for letting me share her "special" moment with the world. :) xoxo

Took a second to do a belly photo tonight - comparing 31 weeks to 31 weeks from last pregnancy, looks about the same... Aside from being paler and, apparently, caring less about my appearance as "helmet head" (as my hubby calls my slicked back pony tail due to the amounts of gel/spray I use to keep it out of my face) is a go-to these days! :p

3 years ago today...

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 23 May 2012 22:57:00 +0000

Out of curiosity, after looking at the date, I realized that three years ago I was much fatter and, perhaps, much grumpier than I am today. Perhaps.

Then, I realized, HEY, I have a blog... did I write about how I was feeling three years ago today. YUP! Gosh, I used to be so much more reliable as a blogger. Maybe it's because (1) I had no job (and now I have two) (2) I had no three year old (and now I have a three year old and a 5 year old - husband).

Here's my post from May 23, 2009... my 39 Weeks Pregnant Update with baby number one.

I have my docs appointment tomorrow and I CANNOT WAIT. I have three things on my list of things to complain about:

(1) I'm tired. All the time. I get 8 hours sleep - mostly solid, most nights - and I wake up, have energy for 2-3 hours and then am SERIOUSLY ready for full sleep again. I find this particularly hard as I'm typically an energetic person and I burn it around town, smiling and working happily. Now, I'm draggin' ass.

(2) My face. OH MY GOD. My face. It's like having chicken pocks on my face that won't go away and won't be relieved by anything. I put the cream on the doc Rx'd and it itches. I put benadryl cream on when I can't tolerate it anymore and it stings. It burns. It stings. It itches so bad. ARGH! At this point, I just want them to peel my skin off. I'm ok with that.

(3) Crap. I forget the last one. ha. See. This is why I need a list. Oh yeah. My platelets. Last appt, my doc was off because of a family thing so she wasn't there when they told me my platelets are low. I want to mention this because OH MY GOD, I finally just took the time to look it up and, it's no big deal it seems, but it did say, if my platelets continue to drop, I might not be able to get an epidural. Dear Lord, I can't handle an itchy face do you think I can handle natural child birth. Me thinks not!

OH FYI. My husbands finally home. You're probably thinking WHAT is she talking about. Well, because I'm a freak and y'all know this, I neglected to mention that my husband's basically been MIA for the past 6-8 weeks. He was out of town during the week, home on the weekends only and usually working one, if not both days. Single mommas. Dear Lord single mommas. How do you survive? I have to say, if I wasn't exhausted and pregnant, it would have been much easier. But when combined with those two patience-reducing factors, it was - no other more clear word for it - HARD. The hardest part was supporting my hubby and being proud of him, while hating him at the same time. The second hardest part was that, at points, I wasn't being the mom I like to be. I was tired and either not being as present as I like to be OR not having the patience I like to have. And that just made it harder.

Anyways, he's home now and that's great as the last thing I wanted, before baby number two arrived, was to further the mommy's girl I already have. Do I love that she's a mommy's girl. Yup. Is it going to be hard when baby number two arrives. Who knows? But I know that the fact that, right now, she wants ME to do everything, is not sustainable. So, it's transition time. I hate transition times. ARGH. I don't have the energy or patience for transition time.

Help. :p

not quite the distraction i was hoping for...

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Tue, 22 May 2012 22:43:00 +0000

Ah, the good ol' days... the days of 15 weeks pregnant, when I thought I was HUGE and was worried everyone was just thinking I had chubby-mummy syndrome vs. thinking I was pregnant. I remember trying on these beautiful fushia wedges from Aldo, thinking, these would be the perfect way to distract everyone away from my growing belly over the summer - bright, beautiful shoes!

Flash forward to 31 weeks pregnant. Here's the good news...

(1) NO ONE is going to think I'm just a chubby-mummy anymore. I am definitely, full-fledged, pregnant. So, my husband, who is KNOWN for saying stupid things stupidly (which means, he's not a dick he just is THAT dumb), says to me this morning "and you know you're gonna get like way bigger than this too right"... translation = your huge and it's shocking to everyone around you that you are going to somehow, manage, to get even bigger. Thanks idiot. :p I love him despite this generally lack of common sense with how to talk to pregnant women.
(2) I have a distraction! It's my face! WOOT WOOT! No one's looking at my belly and saying "ah, such a cute belly" or "look how big you're getting" because they are all looking at my face saying "ohhhhh...." after I explain to them why I look like a cross between a battered woman and someone suffering from a skin-eating condition. I actually had someone say to me today, "let me see your face", as if it were some freaky science experiment that everyone wants to see up close! :p

My skin "condition" - apparently a fungal infection but all around mess and pain in the a** - was doing fantastically all weekend. I even thought I was starting to look "normal" again yesterday. THEN, I am woken up this morning by this stinging, itchy sensation in the right corner of my eye. I knew before checking the mirror that it wasn't good. Well, it ain't as bad as it was last week, but it ain't "normal"! And, lord does it itch. And, oh my good Lord, am I the worst person for having flaking skin because I just love to pick at crap so I'm picking at myself all day long. ARGH!

Boo hoo eh? Poor me... healthy pregnancy, no life-threatening issues, great job, happy family, and all I do is whine about my face. But, seriously. C'MON! As if we pregnant fatties don't have it bad enough - fat bellies, stretch marks, gigantic boobs with hideous nipples, dare I say it out loud - gas, hair that grows a bazillion times faster than normal - great for the head, not for the legs which we cannot shave without doing horrifying yoga poses that no one should witness. I am not one of those "I love being pregnant and feel so beautiful and sexy" crazy people (no, really?), like Beyonce who I dislike as much as humanly possible. I feel crappy and grumpy and everything my husband says translates into "you are huge and hideous" even when he says " you look gorgeous". And, so, the fact that my face has also failed me is just icing on the cake.

Here are my two, completely vain and egotistical fears that I would only share with you:
(1) This rash, infection, whatever is spreading (as I now have some sort of spot on my cheek that I'm hoping is just coincidental) and will, one day, cover the entirety of my face so that when the baby arrives, he/she will take one look at "mommy" and run back up my vagina.
(2) That it will not disappear after the baby arrives... and I'll be itchy, oozy, red face for the remainder of my days. I mean, c'mon! As if post-baby isn't beat-yourself-up time enough! Gimme and break that would suck!

In the meantime, I know all of this CRAP will be worth it in the end... Look at the first "in the end" I got out of pregnancy number one... a video of my beautiful "baby" who, through it all, makes me happier than I've ever ever been every day by just waking up in the morning and smiling at me... how did she get so big, so quick!

Wishing you a distraction-free pregnancy on all accounts! :)

on sick leave...

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 17 May 2012 23:35:00 +0000

In an effort to FORCE myself to take it easy - something that admittedly, I'm horrible at - I'm taking the rest of the week off from the blog.

For a quick update on the eye situation - went from swollen, oozing, bleeding, crusty, red eyes and surrounding skin, to red, crusty, only slightly swollen eyes as of today. I was actually willing to go out in public to drop Jane off at daycare today WITHOUT my sunglasses. I've been pulling a posh spice routine lately and wearing my "sunglasses at night". Seriously. Like wearing them into daycare to drop Jane off - to the point the kids are asking me why I'm wearing my sunglasses still and I'm telling them I'm a super hero and hiding my identity. :p It's cooler than "my face is rotting and I look like I'm dying". I'm not sure how that would go over with a group of near three year olds.

I've been relaxing mostly during the day but sleeping horribly at night... which is so frustrating for me. I'm not good at tossing and turning. My mind starts going and then I start thinking about some nonsense, and for some reason at 2am, said nonsense becomes the most important topic in my life and I obsess over it for three hours before I realize that it's not really THAT essential that I remember to buy granola bars the next day because Jane likes to eat them in the car before school and, sometimes, when she doesn't eat breakfast, it's how I make sure I'm not sending her to school hungry. This is the insanity of insomnia thoughts... mind controlling. ARGH!

I love you all so much for sticking with me through my randomness, uselessness and, sometimes, infrequency - of quality and quantity.

Wishing you a fantastic long weekend, if it applies to you - xoxo