Mommy do it!

The Happiness Project :: Final Thoughts

2012-01-28T11:54:00.000-05:00

The second half of The Happiness Project seemed to drag more than the first half.
My enthusiasm waned.
To be fair I set up Netflix half way through the book.
But a week after finishing the book I'm still definitely pondering what was read.

Laughing more (even when it's not that funny).
Being me (I love sewing, I do that. I don't love hiking up mountains, so I don't - even though I wish I was a hiker).

I've been thinking about different things that bring happiness. The increased effort put into a happy inducing activity increases happiness more than activities that require less work. So tv watching is low input so lower happiness than say, caring for a dog. At least that's the theory.

The dog is interesting to ponder because of my great want for one before having one and then now feeling not so enamored (we acclimate to our experience so something initially very satisfying - the new dog - soon is a normal part of life and not as happy inducing). But the dog requires me to go outside at least four times a day. My least favorite times to take the dogs out are in the morning (my bed is so warm, my children so snuggly) and at night (I'm tired, it's cold out there, I just want to get into bed with a good book!).
Once I get outside, morning and night are my favorite times to be outside. I would NEVER go out at those times of day if I didn't HAVE to.
Every morning I see the blush of sun rise (and notice as it's coming up earlier and earlier). The sky is soft and glowing and it's all so peaceful and beautiful.
Every night the sky is a deep dark color with clear crisp bright points of light, so so bright in the dark sky. And the moon glows with a soft haze around it, or crisp around the edges depending on the atmosphere.

I'm enjoying these daily rhythms that slow me down and force me into an (initially unwanted) experience that is so peaceful and happy inducing.

I'm doing projects that have been on my to-do list for too long. or "doing what ought to be done"

I started making bread again. I think I'm going to stick with perfect an oatmeal bread recipe.

I'm reading (The Hunger Games, currently)

And I'm staying more cognizant of happiness and what is worth letting go and what is worth fighting for.

Anyone else started a Happiness Project?

Dear Del 3years 9mos

2012-01-27T09:44:00.001-05:00

Dear Del,
You're rockin' your new hair cut. It's super cute and it's hard to resist telling you. I'm nervous about saying it too often because I think you're still not "cool" with words like "pretty" and "cute". You're cracking us up, as ever, with your sense of humor. Yesterday on the way to school (a 20-minute ride with continuous dialogue carried almost entirely by you) you informed me that Eden, our dog, had one of your dolls. You took it from Eden and put it far back on your bed so she couldn't reach it ... unless she was a giraffe dog and had a giraffe neck!

You're talking more regularly about your friends at school and you're sad to think that you only have about four more weeks of preschool left until our big move to Upstate NY (it's like there's a state called "New York" which is in and around NYC and then there's "Upstate NY") and we don't plan on finding a preschool for you there. It took you a while to warm up to preschool - it's not that you were anti ... it's just that you seemed not very outgoing or super excited about school. Then you figured school out a bit more and now it seems like you talk to a variety of kids and you make an attempt to visit most of the stations (painting, cooking, snack, computers, "babies", and lots and lots of book time). But we're not feeling totally excited about this school or maybe just about you being at preschool. Part of the appeal for us with Noah was that he was was at a co-op (your preschool is not) and that he had consistency across his preschool years. I'm sad for you but also happy to have more time with you! Noah and I miss you when you're at school and we can't wait to include you more in what we're doing in the morning.

You and I are similar in so many ways. It's fun to pull out pictures from when I was your age and see the similarities. It's also fun to listen to you jabber on-and-on and know exactly where that came from (and it definitely isn't your dad!). It's great to see how important relationships are for you and watch as you interact with others to foster those relationships. Let's talk about mornings. This is our one difference (so far). You are a morning person. I am not. At all. You wake up in the morning and you are ready! You can usually last until 7am but then it's all about the oatmeal (okay 2 things different between us). You want breakfast asap and you want it to be oatmeal. Oh! And you want to push the buttons on the microwave, put in the sugar, and stir. When I'm up with you (protesting mildly and only when Daddy is at the barn) I remind you to be quiet. I want to wake up minimally and then go get back in my warm bed ... and Noah is still in bed. You are easily able to keep a quiet voice and move your bowl slowly so as not to be too noisy. When you get up with Daddy (most mornings of the week), it's terrible. The two of you chat in full volume voices and clang around with bowls and the microwave door like it's a reasonable hour to be making such noise. I'm thinking about tramping about the house and wrestling with Noah late into the night. Kidding. I really need you to get your sleep because you really need to get your sleep because you are up by 7am more often than not. Morning person! Ha!

I'm so excited about your relationship with Noah. You're both happy to include the other in whatever adventure you're dreaming up and you're also both able to negotiate and work things out - for the most part. The trickiest part is when you both want to talk at the same time. I remember that. From when I was a kid. Oh, and now, when you and I want to talk at the same time. I still get a kick out of you carrying around dolls (something Noah has n.e.v.e.r done, even with encouragement) and also concentrating hard on building structures with Noah. People talk about wanting their kids to be close and equating that with close-in-age. I don't buy it. I've seen several sibling sets that are very close even with 4+year age gaps. Right now, when you're young, maybe being close in age helps some, but you still have individual age-appropriate interests right now. I just hope as you grow your relationship continues to strengthen. As it is now, your friendship is something that every person can hope to attain with another.

Your confidence with other people is always a surprise. You often follow Noah's lead so if you see him hesitate, you do too. Less so as you get older but you still react in response to his behavior around people. This month we had two families over for dinner - one of the dad's you had never met. I was proud and surprised when I realized you had captured the attention of everyone at the table with a story you were relaying to this man you'd never met. Your confidence was something to be proud of, for sure. I was also proud of the dad who may or may not have understood entirely what you were saying. I think so (he also has an almost-four-year-old and you two sound so similar to me in your speech!).

Grammy is calling you a "Susie Homemaker" and I have no idea where you picked up things like vacuuming, washing dishes, cooking, putting babies to bed .... this is not something you've learned from me, that's for sure! You regularly "make" ice tea in your kitchen - and add lemon to make it extra special. Pizza is also a popular dish that comes out of your kitchen. You love to push around the vacuum, on or off. You are very enthusiastic about washing dishes and you and Noah have washed them once by yourselves - a couple of dishes, anyway. Must remember to be patient as you both learn this "fun" task as it will be much harder, I'm guessing, to convince you of the "fun" when you're older.

You told me that you like it when I say "I love you" but you don't like kisses or hugs. It's so hard to resist kissing you! and hugging you! But every time I do you remind me: "remember mom? I told you? I love it when you say: "I love you" but NOOO kisses!"

So sadly, no kisses, but lots of "I love you!"'s,
Momma

Netflix suggestions

2012-01-24T04:30:00.000-05:00

I was madly addicted to Glee on Netflix at Ren Man's parents.
Sadly netflix's glee availability ran out before my interest but I did not get on the Glee bandwagon fast enough to catch up with the currently airing season 3.
So I wait.

For Christmas, having witnessed my netflix love my mother-in-law got us a 3 month membership.
So I thought I'd catch up on all the shows people have raved about over the last 5 years or so and that I haven't watched.
We do watch Grey's Anatomy faithfully.
I was interested in Big Love. Not streamed on netflix so a no-go.

I started with Lost (half way through season 2, currently)
Tried United States of Tara but didn't care for it - too much silly drama
Started watching 'Til Death to lighten things up when I needed a Lost break. I like Everybody Loves Raymond so 'Til Death is fun because I think it's similar humor.
I also started Switched at Birth when I reasoned that most people watch episodes weekly and not whole seasons in a weekend. I like Lost but needed/wanted something based a little bit more in reality.
I also attempted The Office and found it too stupid to even finish one episode.
Sorry! I know there are HUGE Office fans, I'm not one of them.

I've shoved a bunch of shows into my Instant Queue:

Heroes
24
Weeds
Brothers & Sisters
Bones
Numb3rs
White Collar
Friday Night Lights
Mad Men
How I Met Your Mother
Life Unexpected
30 Rock
Masterpiece Classic: Downton Abbey
Arrested Development
Kramer vs. Kramer
Being Human (U.S.)
My Name Is Earl

So after Lost (as the main anchor to my netflix watching) what should I watch next?

As an interesting side note: not only did I not drink in my younger days, I also did not have a television. For this very reason. Now I'm addicted.

Also, I think I have more watching time here than my 3 month membership allows. What to do, what to do?

socialization and homeschool?

2012-01-23T04:30:00.000-05:00

There comes a time (or multiple times) in a parents life when your heart swells with pride and you can't believe this child is the one you've been raising all this time.

This was not one of those times.

Friendly mom at Farm Girl's school who is interested in home schooling after preschool peeks her head into our car where Ark Boy is sitting.
Friendly mom: Hi, Ark Boy!
Ark Boy: *grunt*
Friendly mom: How do you like homeschool?
Ark Boy: *phhheeeeeww* (or whatever sound it is when you place your tongue between your lips and spit)

Wonderful.
I'm reassuring myself with the fact that he tends to be shy, he would be like this with any adult stranger that initiated a conversation whether he was homeschooled or not, and this is something we can work on.
Two days later we had this successful conversation :

Man enters archery area where Ark Boy is having lessons while we're waiting for his instructor
Me: *smile at man*
Man: *smiles back*
Me: Hi
Man: Hi, how are you?
....
Ark Boy: HI!!!!
Man: Hi! Are you here to do some shooting?

......

Ark Boy: mmhmm

US Maternal Mortality Crisis?

2012-01-21T04:00:00.000-05:00

Back in '08 I wrote about this book I still feel every person should read.
Every person.
Required reading for college freshman seminar.
That's how important this book is.
Did I say required?

I continue to be passionate about birth (I was told this passion would subside the further from that stage of life I was ... I now don't have the opportunity to pull out my soap box regularly but I still feel passionate!).

On the Pushed blog there was recently this frightening image from Amnesty International with statistics backing the term "The U.S. Maternal Health Care Crisis".

Now, I know there are concerns about maternal health care in this country - but a "crisis"?
Really?
Well, if one considers a pregnant woman nearly dies every 15 minutes in this country due to pregnancy related complications a high frequency
or
that 49 countries have a lower maternal mortality ratios than this country is ridiculous (and yet, according to Science and Sensibility the average cost of maternal health care is twice as high in the US as any other country) (An additional side note: the US has the highest maternity related deaths when compared to all developed nations. Countries with lower maternal mortality include Kuwait, Bulgaria, Croatia, Turkey, Portugal, United Arab Emirates, and more, obviously)

as stated on the amnesty U.S. maternal health care website 6.6 deaths per 100,000 live births in 1987 and in 2006 there were 13.3 deaths per 100,000 live births

that's sounds pretty critical to me.

The solution? How are other countries saving more of their moms and babies?
Pregnancy does not always end in a live baby or a live mother.
But we can obviously increase the chances of healthy mom and baby.
But how?

There's a growing demand for home births.
This seems like the place to start.
Obstetricians dictionary definition: "A physician or surgeon qualified to practice in obstetrics"
Wait, a surgeon? At birth?
98% of pregnancies are healthy.
So why are less than 1% of pregnancies experiencing minimal intervention through a home birth?
It doesn't make sense to me that a qualified surgeon would spend their time sitting patiently with women while they go through their birth process.

What do you think the solution is? Is there a solution for this country? Is the above even a crisis? We may be listed as 49 but the maternal death rates are so so low when ranking the top countries, does it matter?

And you are .... ?

2012-01-20T10:52:00.001-05:00

The comment love has increased dramatically over the last few months and I appreciate this very very much.
It inspires me to keep on keepin' on.

I noticed that last month there were over 1,000 page views on this blog.
That doesn't necessarily mean 1,000 visitors to the blog but it does mean there is an impressive (as far as I'm concerned) number of people looking at the blog.

Anyone who reads anything on the blog is getting the impression that "What [I] write about is real life and that is what makes your blog so refreshing" (thanks Lppick) and I "don't just write about kittens and ponies and unicorns pooping rainbows...[I'm] real" (thanks Kate) and "your blogs are great! Not everyone can be so candid..." (thanks Construction Queen).

So this leads me to believe that people reading the blog know a lot about me (which is not a bad thing) and I'm curious about readers.
I would love it if readers would share in the comments:

1) the best thing that's happened to you in the last week
2) something you'd like to read about on this blog (could be a question for me or a general article on farming, photography, birth, cloth diapering, ap parenting, babywearing, urban homesteading, bread making, etc - Lppick recently asked about multi generational living which I'm drafting in my head - thanks for that suggestions, Lppick)
3) the link to your blog if you have one - I want to stalk you too, if I don't already!

This will be a fun way to get to know readers and for you to get to know each other. Feel free to reply to each others comments with thoughts, questions, etc!

How to comment:
Someone (who will remain nameless to protect her innocence ;) ) recently emailed saying since comments were turned off she thought she'd email because she wanted to weigh in on the farm name ....
So ... if you want to comment the easiest way (I think, but feel free to offer another suggestion!) is to click on the title of the blog post and scroll to the bottom of the post. The box for comments should be there.

crafting

2012-01-18T05:00:00.000-05:00

Part of my Happiness goals included starting Christmas gift projects now.

It's hard to make time, though, for things that you feel are enjoyable.

Gretchen, of The Happiness Project talks about this saying that you don't value things you enjoy ... in this family we enjoy reading so feel like the time we spend reading is "frivolous" and not really beneficial or bettering in any way.

Crafting is the same way (although it's more my domain, I think than Ren Man's).

And there is this perfection thing - my project isn't exactly perfect so I feel inhibited.

But then I think about the purpose of the project. Even if the seams aren't perfectly lined up, the project still meets its end goal ... so I keep crafting, creating, making.

The project pictured above, being a Christmas present and all ... no more info is safely shared, unfortunately. But it's making progress!

I did pause to start working on a monumental project that I've ignored for a long time and want DONE before we move.
This monumental project is harassing my perfectionist tendencies (that Ren Man does not believe I have!).
But again, the purpose is to have all the pictures in albums in somewhat the right order ... but more importantly that they are in albums and not loose prints.
So I'll keep stuffing the album .... then get back to the more fun project pictured above!

Farm Name Update

2012-01-16T06:30:00.000-05:00

This is what we've got on our list so far (that Ren Man is vetoe-ing, much like naming our children where I suggest, suggest, suggest, and vetoes, vetoes, vetoes. When he finally make a suggestion I leap on it! - trying to avoid that ...)

- First list is for you to see with no background, what's your first impression - thoughts? likes? dislikes? connotations that come to mind?
Following that is a list with our current thought process around each name

Roots and Shoots

Wedgewood

Fine View Farm

Pocket Farm

Thistledew

Something with "Cricket" or "Chirp" in the name - not sure what yet

Green Porch Farm

Fields and Friends Farm

Roots and Shoots Farm - maybe too cutesy? but speaking to the past and future - generations, learning from elders and experimenting with "new" farming practices, as well as literal plants and animals growing on the farm (Ren Man is wondering if this is too vegetable oriented)

Wedgewood - the property is in a corner/wedge and is half wooded (Ren Man says this makes him think of wedgies)

Fine View Farm (thanks for this recommendation, Sheba) - love the FVF initials

Pocket Farm - again, it's in a corner/wedge and it's small

Thistledew - say it out loud. I love this but my there is concerned that it represents some Scottish connection (that we don't have)

Something with "Cricket or "Chirp" - love these words and the implication of something little doing great things

Green Porch Farm (thanks for this recommendation, Kira) - this is the one name Ren Man hasn't vetoed. The rest of us aren't in love with it. I like the sense of community that I feel a porch implies and Ren Man likes the double meaning (green living, etc).

Fields and Friends Farm (a recent suggestion by Ren Man)

So the discussion continues ....

house update

2012-01-15T13:49:00.000-05:00

We offered 16k less than the asking price and asked for every appliance (everything but the washer and dryer and extra freezers/refrigerators was included).

They came back and lowered their price 2k, no appliances, and closing date not until March 15th.

We offered 12k less than their asking price, closing March 1st - didn't mention appliances.

They came back and said "no" ... they weren't changing their previous offer.

It felt like all they did was lower the price 2k. What is that? In this housing market ... not gonna fly.

So we walked.

We were feeling hopeful about other options but also sad to let this property go.

Twenty four hours later they offered closing of March 8th and 6k less than their original asking price.

We accepted.

They've agreed to leave a freezer (but I don't think the awesome washer and dryer).

They also recently asked if we'd like their sheep and chickens (I think there are 4-6).

We know they're moving to a more urban area.

The sheep followed us around the barnyard during the first showing and seems fun.

What's 4-6 more chickens?

Sooo ... March 8th.

And we continue to debate farm name ...

Oreo Love (I knew it!)

2012-01-10T20:58:00.000-05:00

I have more proof.
My husband is really trying to fatten me up.
My husband bought me not one, but TWO boxes of oreos for Christmas.
This was his Christmas gift.
From him.
To me.
This is not at all the same as a spice rack (that I love by the way and he's as excited as he can outwardly be).

No.
This is obvious: "I'm trying to fatten my wife"
I still haven't figured out his motivation.
Maybe it isn't a crime so there's no motivation?
What do you think?

And there's more.
Not only did he get me oreos ...
he got double stuffed (one package)
and triple stuffed (the other package)
I didn't even know they made triple stuff!
Oh! And triple stuff is stupendous.
I was nervous I wouldn't like it.
But I did.
Eat-it-all-in-one-day kind of like it.

And there's more.
He brought our children on this oreo-purchasing adventure.
What kind of message is he sending?
I know.
He is starting early.
Teaching them the mission of fattening up their mother.

Oh! And there's more.
My brother is in on it too.
Apparently my husband spoke with my brother and convinced him of the importance of fattening me up too?
I'm not sure.
I'm suspicious.
What I do know is that my brother gifted not one but TWO packages of oreos also.

But, the evidence is gone.
I ate it.
In a week.
No more oreos.
And my body is happy for that.

Oreos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and snacks in between ... yum! But my body is mad at me for doing that.

I recently read in Mother Earth News that Michael Pollan said in Food Rules that Rule #39 is that you can eat junk food ... you have to make it yourself.
I found a recipe for oreos that's right on (the cookies were soft but the filling was exact).
Pollan's reasoning is that if you make the effort to make your junk food you won't consume so much.
Well, this is true for several reasons.
One is that you had to put in all this effort.
Another reason: when you realize the filling is equal parts shortening, butter, and powdered sugar ... it's a little off putting.

Mother Earth News

2012-01-10T14:41:00.000-05:00

Mother Earth News
I love this publication.
It was fun to discover when we were in Providence.
I'm not sure how I stumbled across it.
I happened to mention it to my dad as this great resource I found.
He said he's been subscribing on and off since the '70s.

So now he brings us the latest issue whenever he's done with one (pretty much every time we see him).
I love this publication.
Have I said that already?

Every issue is incredible - cover-to-cover.
I have a random issue next to me with cover stories like:

Build an Easy Hoop House to Grow More Food (very excited about this - won't work with our snow load, but still exciting to read about)
How to Get the Best Firewood for Clean Energy (yay for wood heat and some wooded acres that need thinning!)
Five Low Cost Outdoor Root Cellars (my dad is more excited about this than me because I'm hoping we can use the basement as a root cellar and not have to dig through snow to find our diy root cellar)
Create Better Soil with Cover Crops
The Astonishing Story of Real Milk

All exciting stuff combined with a joint interest with my dad is pretty awesome.
Ren Man purchased a dvd of 40 years of lots of Mother Earth News goodness.
This publication has been vital in our day to day life as we did as much "farming" as we could in our urban rental - how much more so now that we're farming "for real".

What's your favorite farming-related magazine?

Farm to put an offer on - lots and lots of pictures - LOTS

2012-01-09T13:30:00.004-05:00

We went to the house yesterday for one more (TWO HOUR) look before putting an offer on this house.
There was some stress about whether high-speed internet, a necessity for our work and my dad's, would be available.
We now know it is - so it's a go.
We can't wait!!
So much to do, so much excitement.
In The Happiness Project, Gretchen talks about how happiness is increased with the anticipation of something and then we acclimate and it isn't so happiness inducing. She says that gardening is an example of something that can regularly make you happy because of the anticipation (and growth, another contributor to happiness).
We're planning to paint, add shelving, oh - and FARM. Lots of continued anticipation and growth to come.
Lots of happiness already by this looking-for-a-farm-with-my-parents process (and a fair amount of stress) and lots to come (stress is expected too :) )

As a side note on pictures of real estate: it is often ~~terrible~~ not so great.
So during this trip I brought our camera to get a few quick shots.

There are a TON of pictures. I'll put comments ABOVE the picture I'm talking about.

The house from the road (we love the porch, the split rail fence, the not-busy road)

My dad, Ren Man, Ren Man's mom walking across the larger meadows towards the house (love the space, the mountains in the background, the old barn)

My dad and Ren Man walking along the ridge next to the snow covered pond at the front of the property (it's to the left a little of the house when you're looking at the house but can't see it in the first picture because it's covered in snow)

One of the rooms in the barn that has several stalls. There are two other "rooms" at least as large as this one in the barn with additional stalls

One of the two haylofts in the barn

The front porch

Front porch again (so excited about a front porch!)

This is right when you walk in the front door - so an entryway. My mom really did not want to walk into a room (dining room or kitchen or living room) but to have a dedicated entry area, and I have to agree. This is perfect. I am SOOO excited about the woodstove. It was essential, in my mind.
There is an office area immediately to your right (you can see the edge of the door frame on the bottom right of this picture), behind the woodstove is the laundry room, half bath and set of stairs, the door straight ahead goes out to a mudroom and work room and wood storage area before going outside near the barn, the kitchen is straight ahead and to the left (you can see one of the cabinets, dishwasher, and sink next to the back door), the dining room is to the left (see the corner of the wall halfway up the picture on the left?)

The kitchen. I love how open it is to the house (but not too open) and how light it is. Yes, it's small but efficiently designed.

The dining room. There is a wallpaper problem in this house - we're having fun dreaming up what paint to throw on these walls. We're loving the Pottery Barn collection that Benjamin Moore has. To the left is the living room (that I didn't get a picture of) and the stairs straight ahead go to the landing shown four pictures down and leads to our (mine, Ren Man, and the kids bedrooms).

This is our bathroom (meaning mine and Ren Man's and the kids) I love the paint color already!

My parents bedroom (wallpaper hit hardest here and in their bathroom)

My parents bathroom

The landing upstairs when you go up the stairs that are in the dining room. I'm so excited about how big this landing is. Straight ahead is the bedroom Ren Man wants us to use (it's in the picture below) (I'm not sure if this one would be better for us or the smaller one in the next picture with the blue border wall paper)

Potentially mine and Ren Man's bedroom

Or this one:

The kid's room (both kids are excited about the bunkbeds ... and are fine when we explain that the bunkbeds don't stay):

This is the back door going to the barn. I think the birch bark is so neat.

Not pretty but very functional work room for rinsing vegetables and eggs and storing things like egg cartons and scale never mind the space for refrigerator/freezer items.

So that's the photo tour. We're in love (despite advice NOT to fall in love before closing). Now we have to wait and hope that the buyers accept our offer.
Maybe seeing these help with ideas for farm name advice? We're still thinking through options. At some point the farm was called: Paradise Corners Farm (the farm is located on a corner of a paved and dirt road). We're not loving that ...

What do you think of it all?

Why our Christmas Tree is still shining bright

2012-01-07T13:52:00.002-05:00

EETU4EPF4GB3

I usually feel very ready to dismantle the Christmas Tree the day after Christmas.
Very ready.
Ren Man has been of the opinion that we should wait until we can't stand it anymore (okay, really I can't stand it, he still doesn't care) before finally getting a tree before Christmas.
Ren Man's mom usually waits until January 6th to take down their tree.
New Year's is usually my limit.
New Year's day = no tree.
Please!

This year is different.
In so.many.ways, it's different.
As much as it felt like there was absolutely no more of me to give towards an extra task (Christmas was reduced to a "something to cross off my to-do list") it also was an excuse to slow down - at least after the day.
Leading up to Christmas we kept presents hidden.
Generally, at the end of the gift giving frenzy the tree suddenly looks naked and forlorn - all empty below it's sprawling branches.

Without that lead up of a present filled under story of the tree .... in fact, having only been adorned with presents for less than 12 hours ... the tree didn't look so naked after the presents were open.
It was still lovely in the memories it held connected to each ornament, the soft glow of light it gave to the living room area, the (disappointingly faint) smell of pine tree ... warmth, family, relaxation.

Suddenly, one day, without meaning to, I realized that Christmas was an event long past.

Before Christmas we had a family over for dinner who we didn't know very well. I suddenly realized that it would be mildly embarrassing if we didn't yet have a tree up, being so close to Christmas.
In the same way, I realized it might be embarrassing to have friends over and still have our Christmas tree shining bright.
My parents came and my mom mentioned it was a pathetic looking tree.
This was not said in meanness nor was it offensive - I'm quite proud of our unique tree.
But it made me wonder if others felt sorry for our tree and might not see it as quite so endearing.

And suddenly I was done.
I packed the tree up in a jiffy.
I loved seeing the ornaments again, one-by-one and remembering everything that brought them into our lives.
There's a frame decorated with tissue paper by Ark Boy with a picture of him inside the frame and the words: "I love my mommy and daddy because they pick me up." He made this in his preschool years.
There is the camera ornament my parents gifted to us this year.
There is the ornament from Ren Man's first Christmas and the one from mine.
As ready as I was to have our living room back, it was also sad to think of not seeing these mementos for a whole year.
It was fun to think of the fun we had this Christmas and how different and exciting next Christmas will be.
And now our living room feels big and light and airy (although in the Christmas process we managed to inherit three LARGE plants for a friend who was closing her inn for the winter ... and then two more impressively sized plants from my parents ... and we still have three big potted plants at Ren Man's parents).
I wonder if that's part of the purpose of a Christmas tree ...
It was overwhelming to think of the stuff we would inevitably need to home after the holidays (not including the plants :) ) ... with the tree gone it suddenly seems our home has doubled in size. Oh, and we love the additional greenery - especially with the view out of the large windows being all white and brown with occasional blue skies.

The Reading List {2012}

2012-01-06T16:00:00.000-05:00

Books:
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
-My initial thoughts, reflections on the first half of the book

Publications:
Mother Earth News
My Thoughts

The Happiness Project: half way through reading

2012-01-06T15:30:00.000-05:00

I'm loving working through The Happiness Project.

So much that Gretchen, the author says rings true with me.

She initiates the project because even though her life is as she "planned" and everything is "perfect" she still doesn't feel happy.

It's not like depression ... just blah.

I very much relate to that.

I may have some reason to be disappointed and frustrated etc currently but overall ... we are healthy in body, mind, and relationships, we are pursuing dreams and every day we are making great strides towards our goals. All happy, happy.

But usually I feel frustrated about how much I haven't been able to do in a day.

I've never been a "live in the moment" kind of person - more goal/future oriented.

Energy is the first thing Gretchen tackles in her pursuit of happiness.

This means things like exercising, eating healthy, getting enough rest. Gretchen decides to get to bed early to maximize her sleeping opportunity.

I'm super excited about exercise, running, in particular.

I have a whole bookmark folder dedicated to running.

And then there comes the part where leaving the house and actually putting foot to pavement happens.

Not so enthusiastic.
I tried when I first got the vffs.
It last three runs.

Besides, it's snowy and icy and cold outside these days.

Maybe I'll take up this exercise thing called running when we're into warmer weather.

My philosophy has always been that I don't want to do exercise just for the sake of doing exercise - there should be a purpose.

In Possum Living the author puts forward that most of the world's problems can be dealt with through running - not jogging - full steam ahead RUNNING. How many adults really give it all they've got and sprint as fast as they can? So this is something I want to do. Some other day.

Healthier diet.

I can do that.

Except for the part where I can't.

But generally we have a healthy diet well steeped in local, whole, unprocessed foods.

Oh and I'll work on getting enough rest.

Good idea.

I go to bed early.

Ark Boy wakes up for an hour straight at ten minute intervals.

The next half hour Farm Girl takes a turn.

Then the dog wakes up whining for an hour.

I turn the hall light on for Ark Boy so he isn't scared.

I get him a drink.

I fix his blankets.

I fix Farm Girl's blankets.

I get her a drink.

I turn the hall light off because it's too bright for Farm Girl.

I bring the dog out and she explodes with crazy poop.

I can't fall back asleep.

6:30am finally asleep.

Farm Girl wakes up at 7am demanding that the day start immediately.

I curse Gretchen and her going to sleep early.

She obviously doesn't have kids who wake up incessantly.

She later confesses grouchiness due to one of her children being up frequently one night.

Ah.

So she does know.

The chapter on Marriage was helpful because this past year has been the hardest on our marriage.
Something to do with an incredible jump in our stress level, the change in our lifestyle (which lead to a change in our parenting roles), and the demands of our new life ...

I think in the end we want what is best for the other person and that leads to us both giving 100% effort into this relationship. Relationships are most important - people are most important - and our relationship with each other is the ultimate relationship priority.
As far as Gretchen's book, it was incredibly enlightening to read the realization that when she's doing something "for him" (laundry, dishes, shopping) it's not actually for him or he'd do it himself - she's doing it because she wants to (the laundry pile has got to the point where it drives her crazy). This switch in thinking allows Gretchen (or me) to not build resentment towards her/my partner. The other important piece that I got from this (and remember) was consciously choosing to do kind and thoughtful acts for your partner. This was something enthusiastically pursued in the beginning but perhaps now is something that is on the back burner while other life issues demand attention more fervently.

At this point the story of the book became pretty engrossing and so the speed of my reading increased dramatically decreasing my ability to reflect.
Just an excuse to read this one again at some point.

In the chapter on Parenthood the overarching message was: enjoy the moment, don't worry about another check mark (or in my case a crossing-off) on the to-do list. Does it really matter if the blog was updated or the laundry was folded or the client was emailed within two minutes of sending their email to you?
What does matter is that two extra minutes of snuggling, the game of Monopoly Jr., or the ten minutes of putting together a lego castle. That's what's important.

On leisure- the struggle with this whole project is: Is one being selfish by pursuing their own happiness? The answer over and over is "no" - when you are happy you spread happy (a non-selfish and good thing). Leisure is hard because it doesn't cross anything off the to-do list. But without that "fun" in between ... what's the point of the to-do list? This chapter was about giving permission to ditch the to-do list and go have fun - just to have fun. I recently told Ark Boy that most adults forget how to play (just like Peter Pan said!) and it's true. I don't really "get" how to "play" legos or whatever with him. But maybe I'm just out of practice. And I've not been reading as much because "I don't have time" - I added it to my to-do list - now I have time. One of the things I'm so thankful for in our life is that we are actively pursuing our passions and things that we find fun. Which Gretchen also has managed to do and leads to the next chapter ...

... on work. Gretchen says she wants to look forward to Monday morning as much as Friday afternoon. For us our work is pretty constant - but we want it to be that way. We want our work to be our life and our life our work. We don't want to be anxious about getting to work because we have so much to do OR chomping at the bit to get home because we want to see our family and cook a meal. We love our photography and we love our farming and we're excited to be able to do that along with our home life.

The last chapter half way through the book is friendship. Gretchen's goal was to enrich long term friendships, deepen active friendships, and pursue new friendships. I love these goals and feel that these are actively pursued throughout my day-to-day life. The last year my ability to interact with other humans has been marginal. Something to pursue more enthusiastically again when some other things feel settled.

Throughout the book I've enjoyed reading Gretchen's experience, reflecting on my own and thinking through future life goals.

I keep thinking: as soon as we get all the farm/house/life sorted out I can really focus on this!

But that's the point I think: this is my life.

Not tomorrow.

Not next month.

Today.

I'm trying to remember that by crafting, reading, writing, playing with the kids, watching, photographing, emailing friends, and more.

Dear Noah 5years+8mos

2012-01-05T13:46:00.002-05:00

Dear Noah,
What a month! Daddy was going to go sit in the shooting shack and he asked if you wanted to go. You were thrilled and very serious about the whole affair. You made sure to wear lots of layers (including 5 pairs of underwear) at the suggestion of your parents who knew it would be hours in the cold. Daddy said he explained to you that you'd have to be quiet so you didn't scare away the deer. In general you'd use a quiet voice but then as your story became more animated, so did your voice ... until Daddy would remind you to be quiet and the whole cycle would start again. You did see a deer in the end (although when you got home you were more interested in telling everyone you saw a fox) and Daddy shot at it. It was almost dark so daddy didn't end up finding it until the next morning.

You were excited to be part of the adventure - but mostly about seeing the fox, I think, and spending time with Daddy at the shooting shack. From what I've gathered that's what hunting season is all about though - going to deer camp and hanging out - hunting deer is not necessary.

You're still loving being read to. At the beginning of the month we were reading the orinal Robin Hood. I think we're half way through and we got distracted with the holidays. Robin Hood was confusing too because the good guys were the outlaws and the bad guys were the knights and the princes. Mommy got an e-reader for Christmas and now we're 60% through The Enchanted Castle by E. Nesbit. I'm hoping to start Fairy Tales soon but I struggle with the gender issues and the fighting ... We'll see. You have your eyes on The Magic City by E. Nesbit.

You're maturity surprises me as does the way you turn a phrase. Your vocabulary amazes me regularly. I love how you've adopted the values we've been teaching unconsciously your whole life. At a recent family gathering a cousin grabbed a handful of your hair to tousle it. This was a cousin you rarely see and probably don't remember at all because she lives out of state. You were very upset as you saw this as quite disrespectful - it's not respectful to grab someone's hair, especially when you don't know them. You had the experience to tell you that this didn't feel right and you left the situation, but not the confidence to question this stranger's actions. I'm so pleased that you know that everyone is to be respected - no matter their age.
We explained that this was this cousin's way of saying: "hey! I haven't seen you in a long time! You've gotten so big! And look at all that hair!" without actually saying anything. That made some sense to you.

Legos have become THE toy in this house. You beg Daddy to play legos with you whenever he's home and you spend hours playing this super cool lego game you got for Christmas. It's so cool to see what you create - mostly vehicles that do cool things like have propellers, include storage places for gold and treasure, etc.

You miss your sister like crazy when she's off at school and seeing the games you two come up with and the way you use words with each other ... I hope your relationship is this awesome forever.

I love you muchly,
Momma

I started drinking

2012-01-04T18:46:00.000-05:00

The assumption is that everyone had wild party days when they were younger, right?
I didn't.
No, seriously.
I didn't like the feeling of being out of control.
I definitely didn't want to have regrets, think something is hilarious when it's not, or spend time and money on something so counterproductive.
It also didn't taste that good.
Mixed drinks? Okay, yes, yum. But not THAT yummy.
And people chugging and coughing or making "YUCK!" faces after swallowing a shot - what's the point? At least make it yummy.

Then my mother in law poured me a tiny glass of Irish Cream.
I wanted more.
I needed more!
My mother in law now feels completely responsible for my drinking habit. I think that's silly. I choose to drink the yumminess.

Yes, our life has been unbelievably stressful, it's true.
But the buzz or whatever wasn't the appeal.
It's like chocolate.
So so yummy.
There was a phase at the end of last year where I had a nightly cup.
Now I don't always think of it.

But when I do, yum.

And no, I don't store it in the washing machine, always.

The Happiness Project

2012-01-01T11:54:00.003-05:00

A very good friend gifted me The Happiness Project.
I think I've heard of it and I'm excited to read the book.
Kate thought we could read it together and discuss.
I wanted to start an ongoing list of books read this year anyway. What better way to start the year than with this book.

I've read the introduction.
I'm excited.
I need get "me" back - the outgoing, bubbly, happy, helpful, passionate, caring, etc person. Not the timid, squashed, frustrated, angry, nervous, jaded, etc person.

So Happiness Project.

The first paragraph of the introduction says:

A "happiness project" is an approach to changing your life. First is the preparation stage, when you identify what brings you joy, satisfaction, engagement, and also what brings you guilt, anger, boredom, and remorse. Second is the making of resolution, when you identify concrete actions that will boost your happiness. Then comes the interesting part: keeping your resolutions."

This seems helpful and appropriate for New Year's Day.

Identify joyful, satisfying, and engaging aspects of life:

farming (the daily rhythm of it, being outside, harvesting, caring and tending for living things)

reading (nonfiction, fiction, periodicals)

photographing

feeling heard and validated

spending time with friends and family who share similar life values and goals

cooking (mostly baking)

crafting/creating

spending time at home

Identify guilty, angry, boring, remorseful aspects of life:

feeling unsettled, unmoored, purposeless

feeling unheard

not spending "enough" time with our children, giving them undivided attention

thinking that others expectations take precedence over my own of my life, taking others suggestions too seriously

Concrete Measurable Resolutions:

- move to our farm
- permit myself time to spend with children, ignoring other pressing "to-do"'s, perhaps choosing one day/week, hour/day that is just for hanging out
- start working on Christmas presents now
- farm, research, farm, live = immediate to do's include ordering chicks and figuring out what seeds are needed
- bake, bake, bake - devote one day at least to be "baking day"
- write up a daily rhythm and stick to it, adjusting as needed as our lives develop
- surround myself with supportive friends and family, host weekly or monthly pot lucks and book groups
- read, always have a book going
- photograph regularly for myself, not just for clients, dream up a personal project

Suggestions?
And do you make resolutions?

Reflecting on 2011

2011-12-31T10:25:00.002-05:00

I never ever make resolutions.
Brief reflections on the past year and some thought to future goals is all that's needed, generally.
Generally things are good.

When telling people about the blog I explain that, despite recent comments about my authenticity and lack of glossing over life's bumps, this is actually the best spin on our life possible.
So there haven't been many posts this year - in July and August there were no posts.

It's been a rough year.
But thinking positive in reflecting on this year:
we met goals like moving, farming, moving the photography business, starting homeschooling officially.
We've learned a lot and find ourselves more hesitant in assuming the best ... something we definitely want to reverse in the new year.
I sometimes feel like this year was a waste. This is not where we intended to be in December of 2011.
But then I realize that just like moving to Providence (instead of jumping right in with farming) this year was needed to get us to where we need to be going. We were adamant that this was the best place for us and our family and our farm. If we'd skipped this step - this coming back - then we'd always wonder if it would have been better for us to be here.
We have a lot to do in the next year, a lot of going back to how we were (the overall max stressed life has not done healthy things for our parenting or even our relationship with each other). I always say: "people first" ... and that hasn't always been possible this year. And it shows, sadly.

2011 Christmas

2011-12-29T16:10:00.003-05:00

Before showing our Best Christmas Ever (and most hectic) ... some things to keep in mind:
our children do own clothes that have sleeves and legs
our children generally choose their own wardrobe
we keep the house at 68degrees

this was the first Christmas I had about 1% help from Ren Man in the gifting process.
I was incredibly stressed
I am so relieved with how it all turned out
even if there was no time to make Christmas cookies
I was very very ill with a tremendous cold that caused my head to be replaced by a heavy snowball

On Christmas Even we had one present under the tree (from a family friend addressed to all of us).
Ark Boy: Mom, is tomorrow the day we open presents?
Me: Yep
Ark Boy: Who's going to open the present since we only have one?
Farm Girl: Can I?
Ark Boy: Hey! I know! How about we all open it since it's for all of us?
Farm Girl: Yeah!

I was so pleased by their thrill over one present and their willingness to share the experience. I was a little sad to think this will be the only Christmas like this. Next year, they will remember the gifting extravaganza.

In my heightened stress ... one of the stressful elements was that Ren Man would not be home until at least 9am. I didn't want him to miss out on the kids seeing the presents for the first time.
I came up with a scheme to have Ren Man come home after chores and distract the kids with book reading in their room while I hurriedly put out the presents.
My friend came up with a better scheme, but one that was a little less fool-proof. She suggested putting out the presents the night before and whisking the kids past the tree in the morning for our usual snuggle time.
I tried to explain how open our open floor plan is.
Kids must pass tree to get to parents bed.
But it was worth a try (you see what you expect to see, and all that).
And the next morning
it worked.
I instructed Ren Man to bring the stockings in from the living room (decided not to heighten their suspicions by leaving them in their rightful place at the end of their beds) when he came home from chores.

Stocking Success!

We tried to relish the thrill of the stocking (Ark Boy wanted to call Nina immediately to tell her what was in his stocking!) while being aware that we had two more houses to hit on Christmas day - including my parents 5 hours away.
In true Ark Boy fashion, he opted to put his whole stocking in the fridge to save.
In true Farm Girl fashion, she opted to devour as much of her stocking as possible, immediately.
Ark Boy was happy to help her in her quest and Farm Girl was happy to share.

With a ticking clock Ren Man and I made our way into the living room, camera in hand, and called for the children to come: "something happened to the tree!"

It was very hard for them to believe at first ... took a minute or two to process what they were seeing ... and then it clicked.

Happy present opening commenced.
I love these tiny dolls we got Farm Girl and Ark Boy was t-h-r-i-l-l-e-d with his skateboard. Even more than I expected him to be.

Then we were off to Grammy and Grampy's for MORE presents. It was all very exciting. When we arrived Ren Man's family was hanging out waiting on us. No one was rush-y rush-y about attacking presents ... and neither were our kids, which was cool. They found Grampy (who isn't often at his house), told Auntie Chels "Merry Christmas", Ark Boy told Grammy about his new skateboard, and then Grammy suggested opening presents. The kids were all for it!
After presents a much needed yummy and filling brunch.

We pulled ourselves from the fun family company and the delicious food to start the journey to my parents.
It was bitter sweet because my parents house has sold (that's all sweet, no bitter there ;) ) and we were leaving behind a place we've had Christmas at for years. My plan was for us to go to bed and wake up the next morning to open presents again. My siblings revolted this plan and I wasn't too dedicated to it so more merry present opening happened Christmas night. By this point no one was concerned about picture taking.

After a couple of days of little to no responsibilities, enjoying new Christmas presents, and catching up on starfall regularly we made the long journey back home.

I love that this Christmas was what we wanted it to be, a bigger emphasis on family togetherness.
Interesting thinking of where we were a year ago (anticipating moving to VT and farming) and what has happened this year (we've moved to VT and farmed) and anticipating what's to come in the next year (another move, more farming). Curious to think what next Christmas will be like.

Dear Del 3years 8 mos

2011-12-27T13:46:00.002-05:00

Dear Delicious Del,
Oh! The yelling. You yell. I yell. We get angry and frustrated with each other. We're talking about it though and trying to come up with solutions so we're less frustrated with each other.

You're also the one rubbing my back with your tiny 3-year-old-hands and giving me a million kisses all over, just to be silly. It's like you can't feel compassionate kindness without the opposite passionate anger. The whole extreme package. And in so many ways we're similar so I assume my passion is just as extreme ... I just don't think I yelled so much.

Maybe I'm a bad influence. When I'm not around the passion is not so intense. Everyone else comments about how mature you are and how independently you play. Maybe you feel safe to not be on your best behavior with me? You're counting by 10's at school, telling Daddy not to look while you strip to nothing to transform yourself into "naked fairy". You prance around the house with little to no clothes on while I wear 17 layers. Inner warmth, my friend.

Your imaginative play has sky rocketed. It's so adorable to hear you talk in two different voices - one deep, one high, one scolding, one pleading, etc. Cute, cute. You also talk about "my kids" and send them to bed and read them stories. You sit by yourself looking through books whispering. I think you might be "reading" them, but I'm not positive - you talk to quiet - and I don't want you to know I see you because I know if you knew you'd be growl at me. You don't like being called "pretty" (still) and growl at people who call you pretty. You prefer being "cool".

You love painting and drawing and cutting and glueing and sometimes play-dough-ing. You create all sorts of things, mostly of the drawing variety.
You have a crazy sweet tooth and regularly beg for chocolate.
Your teachers at school say you have everyone in line at school and the same is true at home, in fact, even the animals. Eden is twice as heavy as you and she comes when you call and sits when you tell her to. You often call her to you and then yell: "No! EDEN! I don't want you near me!!" Brynn is the same way. She definitely is "your" cat. She thinks so and we all think so too. She spends a lot of time with you, prefers to sleep with you, and lets you pick her up. Almost every night you call for us to take Brynn away from your bed ... or to bring her to your bed.

You love playing with Noah and are usually agreeable to whatever schemes he dreams up. You will tuck a dagger in your belt loop, tucked under your fairy costume (that sometimes includes clothes) and find Brynn to come and help you fight bad guys with Noah. If Noah's doing it, you want to too. Unless you don't, and then you let him know. It's so cool to hear you two working through disagreements and discussing various scenarios and who is pretending what. You look up to him and he teaches you all kinds of things about the world ... and vice versa.

You love love being read to and have enjoyed all the new books you got for Christmas and the books on Mommy's new e-reader. You love your "looking time" after book reading at the end of the day.

It's amazing to see how little you and Noah seem affected by all the changes in our lives over the last 8 months or so and there are more big changes to come before we're finally settled. I'm so glad you're on this journey with us and I delight to see you quickly acclimate to every change. I suppose for you it seems normal to have had so many transitions in one year. Thanks for being you.

We love you a million million,
Momma

Farm Name

2011-12-20T11:22:00.002-05:00

The purchase and sale is being signed TODAY for my parents' house in MA. Yay, yay!
So we're heating up the "looking for a perfect property" search.
We think we've found it but want to go have one more look at it before making an offer.
We're super excited about this property and are so excited about what is to come.

So even before we've made an offer I'm thinking about farm names. We'll have to come up with one. I've google searched the farm's history but all I'm finding is the listing information. So no inspiration there.
It sits on a slight rise, has half woods and half open meadow, the house was built over 140 years ago ... I'm trying to think of anything else that might help with naming. We're definitely planning on a grass fed, diversified, locally marketed farm.

I like "meadow" and "acres" and "hollow" (even though it's not in a hollow).
We plan to use the same logo we use now - just have different words.

Suggestions?!?!
Help! My dad is suggesting "Saggy Bottom Farm" --- see, help needed ;)

deodorant making

2011-12-20T09:44:00.000-05:00

I first made deodorant with friends in RI after talking about how we all wanted a natural deodorant that actually worked.
Then someone suggested this recipe.
Everyone came over one night and we I made deodorant. I didn't look at the recipe before having everyone over beyond getting the necessary ingredients (and asking people to bring oils, corn starch, and baking powder). It was so easy to make and wasn't really a multi-person job so instead we had a fun excuse to get together and send people home with deodorant pucks.
I am this close to running out of my beloved deodorant that I've been using for about a year now.
So time to make some more.
This time, rather sadly, it was a rushed affair with no fun chatting.
Never-the-less, the result was more beloved deodorant.

The whole process: ingredients, dry ingredients mixed, butters added, everything melted and mixed, and the resulting pucks after freezing in muffin tins.

There are only three pucks because I scrounged up a used deodorant dispenser and put the rest in there - and it works! So much easier than the pucks.

Note to self: purchase more shea butter before sometime next year or maybe the year after as you finished the shea butter you had making this batch.

ps I would love to re-post the recipe but I haven't asked Angry Chicken and I really want her to get all the credit for this awesome recipe. I should comment on her blog though thanking her profusely ... but the comments are closed on that blog entry.

climbing walls {Christmas Gift}

2011-12-19T15:00:00.003-05:00

My brother loves rock climbing.
He always wants stuff to decorate his walls.
Thus:

inspired by this.

I wasn't sure how I felt about how it turned out.
I was thinking of repainting and doing something totally different.
It remained propped up for all to see as it dried and I decided what to do with it.
Everyone who saw it loved it.
Maybe I had stared at it too long.
The next day it did look pretty cool.
Wrapped and gifted to one lucky brother.

the green hat

2011-12-16T22:11:00.002-05:00

2.5yrs old in Chicago

3.5yrs old on "Free Cone Day"

4.5yrs old house sitting in Vermont

Ark Boy was so excited to see this size 14 hat that I bought back in college when I worked at The Children's Place. He's worn it every year and I went back to find the progression over the years. This year though ... after the initial excitement about the familiar hat, he's not interested. Oh well. It was unreasonable to expect him to wear this until it turned to rags, right? :)