Mommy Lite - Mom and Dad Parenting Humor

How To Embarrass Your Children - Cat Calls and Other Things Sure to Scar Them

2013-05-09T08:43:00.001-07:00

My son is "scarred for life." It's my own fault really. I should have never yelled out "Sexy Mama!!" to that lady with him in the passenger seat. It was an honest mistake. Here I was, minding my own business driving my children to school, early in the morning, pre-coffee, like a good normal mother, when we approached a very busy intersection just outside of the Beverly Hilton. Two lovely

Are You a Sh*tty Mom?

2013-04-25T22:54:00.002-07:00

Are you a sh*tty mom? I am. And I know this because my kids remind me at every opportunity. At the beach, at the mall, out at lunch, even at birthday parties, my kids will pull me aside and say "yeah, yeah...all this is great...but have you sewn my patches onto my karate gi yet? I've asked you a thousand times!!!" And I'm like "seriously? Can you really criticize my actions as a mother

GREAT New Summer Picture Book Hits the Shelves!

2013-04-10T10:11:00.001-07:00

Today, the fabulous and infinitely talented Michael Paraskevas (the brilliant illustrator for my picture book, On My Way to the Bath) has a new picture book hitting the shelves!!! YAY, MICKEY!!! Get your copy of "TAFFY SALTWATER'S YUMMY SUMMER DAY" NOW!!! (Really! Let's support him right now!) :)

How to Throw a Great Bat Mitzvah On the CHEAP!

2013-03-18T22:31:00.001-07:00

As you know, Isabel turned 13 this year. This means two things: #1 - I'm the most irritating person in the world. #2 - Isabel became a Bat Mitzvah! I was so psyched! (Not for being the most irritating person in the world - for the Bat Mitzvah thingy.) Isabel's dad and I aren't religious, so my Ex was 'not really' on board with the whole "Bat Mitzvah" thing. And by 'not really' I actually

My Daughter's a Bitch And It's Not My Fault...I Don't Think...

2013-03-05T10:28:00.003-08:00

My daughter's a bitch and it's not my fault. At least I don’t think it is. I've tried everything to teach my mean daughter be a good person - a kind person - a loving sister. But she's not. Not really. It's not that my daughter's mean all of the time. She's not even a bad person. She can actually be an incredibly loving and devoted person...so long as you're not immediate family,

Mealtime Inspiration

2013-01-30T22:12:00.000-08:00

A little mealtime inspiration...courtesy of moi. "Eat What I (F*cking) Give You!" <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"ＭＳ明朝"; panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0; mso-font-charset:128; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:fixed; mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;} @font-face {font-family:"Cambria Math"; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2

Every Parent's Worst Nightmare

2012-12-17T09:18:00.002-08:00

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Top 25 Book Author Moms

2012-12-06T10:07:00.001-08:00

So I wasn't going to say anything but I am very excited by the news that I was nominated by Circle of Moms as a Top 25 Book Author Mom. I just didn't want to enter into one of these vote every day things. That being said, I did JUST turn in my 5th book and it inspired me to see if just one day of voting would make a difference. Besides it is always really nice to win these things (and I am a

The Tao of Breakfast Cereal

2012-11-08T09:08:00.003-08:00

Do you know why I never wanted to grow up? Bran. Really. Everything about being an adult seemed to revolve around bran. My grandparents ate bran. My parents ate bran. All the grown-ups I knew ate bran. It was obvious to me that if I became an adult, my future would also include bran... And so begins my latest piece for Huffington Post... CLICK HERE to read "The Tao of Breakfast Cereal"

Best Family Halloween Costume This Year

2012-10-31T11:02:00.003-07:00

Claws down - best family costume of the year! It would be perfect if you could get 3 kids in that pot...

A Look Back At My Favorite Halloween Story..."Illegal Activity"

2012-10-31T11:00:00.000-07:00

I illegally entered someone's home the other day. I didn't mean to. My intentions were honorable. I was just looking for cake. Security rolled by in a golfcart and eyeballed me as I ran out the front door of some woman's home dressed in a toga and clinging a handful of cash. Let me back up. Last week was my boyfriend's birthday. Friday night we had ten of his old friends over for Baked

'Girl's Night Out' Results In Jeff Goldblum Encounter...

2012-10-26T11:20:00.002-07:00

I love Jeff Goldblum. The kind of love that Ryan Reynolds elicits from the 20-something crowd. Maybe it's because he's tall and sexy and always plays such incredibly brilliant characters. What Jewish girl wouldn't swoon for a tall sexy man who can so aptly spew James Glick's theory of chaos? In fact, one could say I married my ex husband because of Jeff Goldblum. He's tall and smart. But

How To Deal With A Mom You Hate

2012-10-19T13:39:00.002-07:00

I had to share this. The hilarious Daphne Brogdon of CoolMom.com fame just launched her new CafeMom.com webseries "How to be a Mom." (Can you guess who was the flakey, bitchy and boring mom or are you fooled by the changing hairdo?) You're going to laugh out loud. Really. Enjoy!

THAT Mom!

2012-10-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

Do you know THAT Mom? We all know her. "THAT Mom" forgets playdates, flakes on school volunteering and loses class drama show props the day of the play. You've seen her on the yard. You've encountered her on your committees. And you've all wondered..."Why can't she just get it together? Why does she bother at all?" Well, hi. Nice to meet you. I don't think we've been formally

School Lockers: The New Design Frontier

2012-09-24T12:34:00.003-07:00

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A Shiny Vagina

2012-09-22T13:14:00.003-07:00

(TMI ALERT!!!...You know, in case you didn't get that from the title. TURN BACK NOW if you don't like to talk 'vaginas'). It's been a while since I've had a bikini wax. Not like a "few weeks" kind of 'while' - more like a "few seasons." Okay, I'm exaggerating, but my point is you need a GPS to find anything down there. Last night this was dinner conversation for me and my boyfriend at one of

Tori Spelling says "NEVER BE BORED AGAIN!"

2012-09-16T16:54:00.001-07:00

Just a REMINDER that there is still time to be a part of Tori Spelling's and Lunchable's Never Be Bored Again" campaign and make a difference to Boy's and Girl's Clubs across America! The star of "Craft Wars" and mother of 4 (I got to interview her THE DAY BEFORE she had her 4th - THAT'S a trooper...) INVITES ALL OF YOU to take pictures of YOUR boredom-busting activities and share them with her

A 9 Year Old's POV on the Presidential Campaign

2012-09-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

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Never Forget - 9/11

2012-09-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

This morning Isabel said "You know what today is, Mom?" I expected her to say "It's math quiz day." or "It's Sloane's Birthday." That's the sort of stuff that seems worthy of pre-cereal note. But when I said "What day is today?" She said "9/11." I don't know why it surprised me. Maybe because she didn't say it with with the enthusiasm attached to a holiday that gives her a break from

Just Because - Chicks in Hats

2012-09-07T09:59:00.002-07:00

Ever since we hatched chickens in Mrs. Climan's 4th grade class and Alison Eisenberg's mother let her take home two of the teensy, tiny, fluffy, cheeping chickadees (while my OWN mother denied me the peeping poultry...) I've loved baby chicks. So, had to share. Photo Credit: Julie Persons / Barcroft Media via Landov Want more chicks in hats? Just go to TODAY.com for "Just Because: 11

Could Your Child Be S.T.U.U.P.I.D.?

2012-09-02T23:33:00.002-07:00

Scientists are baffled by the recent discovery of a disturbing and potentially fatal childhood disorder known as “Suicidal Tikes Under-Utilizing Protective Indicators Dysfunction”, or S.T.U.U.P.I.D Diagnosis of S.T.U.U.P.I.D. children is on the rise and no one can figure out why. Some experts say it is the result of environmental toxins. Others argue it has been around for years. Karen

Funny Friday - Write Your Own Caption

2012-08-31T10:50:00.001-07:00

I'll start..."Don't move. I can get the whole thing in."

Back-To-School Friday

2012-08-31T10:29:00.001-07:00

It's Friday and I've survived the first week of school. I seriously can't believe I have two 4th graders and a 7th grader. They're SO friggin big (literally...Bob is as tall as I than I am)! Some of my kids were more excited than others... Bob couldn't wait. She planned this outfit two weeks ago and had a professional blowout in preparation of her 7th grade debut: The highlight of her

Fire! Fire!

2012-08-29T20:40:00.001-07:00

This afternoon I left Livi alone in the house for about a half hour. She's nine. She can handle it right? It's not like I haven't tried this before with Ben. (Click here to read my Momtourage story "How Old is Old Enough") So I said to her "If there's a fire, call 911 and go to the neighbors. Okay?" No response. "Do you hear me?" "Livi?" "YES!" "Okay! I just never know when you're

Grapes of Wrath...and Other Tasty Snacks...

2012-08-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

"Grapes please." All my daughter and her playdate wanted were some grapes to snack on while they finished their homework. Simple enough request. Heck. I even had fresh grapes in the fridge. "No problem." I said. I went to the fridge, pulled out the bag of grapes and took them to the sink to wash them. Unfortunately, my sink was piled high with dirty dishes crusted in tomato sauce,