Mom of Three Seeks Sanity

Bargain Hunting...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 02:50:00 +0000

I was a broke college student.

I practiced snagging a good bargain.

As a mother of three boys,

and a still broke, underpaid, schoolteacher

bargains are a method of survival,

thoroughly perfected and strategically planned maneuvers.

Sometimes, the thrill of the hunt,

makes the catch all the sweeter.

And it makes your walk through

this life just a bit more fashionable,

especially when clearance is 30% off,

and free shipping of the prize.

My beautiful, waterproof boots arrived this week to greet me on a depressing Monday afternoon. Online, on clearance, 30% off AND free shipping. No crowds and on the cheap? Yes, life is very good!

More than you bargained for? Check out Melissa's blog and learn about Six Word Fridays!

Stop and go

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 03:06:00 +0000

Green light: GO! Traffic, meetings, assignments.

Red light: STOP! All I want is to stop

for a bit, so there is

fuel to go. A moment to

set my eyes on Nature's beauty.

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Lost and found...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 04:05:00 +0000

Whenever I am seemingly, hopelessly lost,

You are there to find me.

You, inevitably, with a knowing smile;

rescue me; categorically lost; forever grateful;

in my own sea of imperfection.

You still are the shining beacon

that safely lights the way back.

Lost something and found something along the way? Visit Melissa and find out more about Six Word Fridays.

An explanation to the long absence...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 01:31:00 +0000

As you have noticed if you frequented among these parts, things have been amiss for the past few months. While I have posted every week through Six Word Fridays, even that has been difficult and has, often times, alluded to all that has transpired since late last spring.

Life happens. And usually not in the way or shape we would like it to.

And because all that has transpired in these past months has been difficult and painful, it would have made sense to write about it here; to make light of it, to poke fun at the situation I found myself in. To be witty.

But I couldn't. For the first time in a very long time, it was just too painful to write. I had no way of expressing all the sadness, frustration, and fear I was experiencing.

And if I put it in writing, it would be real. I desperately wanted it not to be.

As many of you know, my beloved mother in law spent nearly a year battling breast cancer. Our family weathered the storm of the complications, the chemo, seeing her frail and warrior-like. Little did we know that we were in for more. We had another scare in the summer, but by now, we were also seasoned warriors.

My uncle, who has no children and is a liver transplant recipient, had a MAJOR health crisis. In early May, he was whisked away by ambulance in the middle of the night, and began an extended stay in the hospital and later rehab (and later the hospital again) before he took up residence at the assisted living center where my mother lives in mid-August.

The process of dismantling a life is an arduous one. So much to become acquainted with, so much paperwork and legality, to make repairs on a home, pack it up, put it for sale. So much to be made responsible for, when you are already responsible for so much.

My boys and I, along with my sister and my aunt (my mother's older sister) spent our summer cataloging my uncle's items, making piles for the dump or charity, and packing his things to be moved into his new apartment. I cannot tell you what a comfort it was to see my boys helping us in any way they could. Whether it was trudging down the stairs laden with books, to packing and sealing boxes, to making lists of things to be done, my two older sons were workhorses last summer.

And it quite literally broke my heart to see them so hard at work, peering curiously at me as I often stood, bewildered with worry and anxiety in the middle of my uncle's rundown house, wondering how the hell I was doing this again.

That flurry of activity was during the day. At night, my sister and I would go see him at the hospital, often wondering what his prognosis was going to be, wondering how in the world we were going to handle all of this new responsibility when school started back. Somehow, we would manage.

We emptied his house, made it sellable, sold it, and breathed a heavy sigh of relief when he moved into his new place, somewhat healthy and begrudgingly happy.

In the midst of all this, my mother's physical therapist was concerned at the pain she was experiencing during therapy. She ordered a routine MRI and uncovered a huge mass on her stomach.

Welcome to Round 2.

We had no sooner finished dealing with the immediate needs of my uncle when my mother was diagnosed with a somewhat rare cancerous tumor on her stomach. Her surgery was successful in that it removed a 13 centimeter tumor. However, she spent the better part of a week in ICU , unconscious, when she experienced difficulty breathing on her own a day after the surgery.

More tests.

More worry.

Another tumor was discovered on her larynx.

One that was seen and commented on by three different doctors.

One that miraculously wasn't there when they went to biopsy on Halloween Day.

The hell that went through was nothing compared to the generosity of spirit of our family, friends and coworkers. I have never felt so much love and support in all my life.

I am happy to say that things have somewhat returned to normal. We had a peaceful Thanksgiving.

We had so much to be grateful for. So many lives saved during a course of 365 days.

I had my "normal" Christmas. The one I so longed for last year when my world was collapsing around me. I had all my folks. My mother in law. My mother. My uncle and my aunt. They were all alive. My handsome new nephew, my brother and sister in law. My sister and her family. Every single person who weathered the storms of 2011 with us. They were all smiling; happy and healthy; under one roof. My roof. Even writing this now, the words blur through the tears.

So you can imagine why I couldn't write. Too much. Too fast. It was exhausting to live it, overwhelming to even think about putting it out there.

The prognosis are pretty good all around now. My mother in law is doing better than fine. She is back to doing her thing, on her own terms, and the mischievous gleam in her eyes has returned.

My uncle in is dialysis three times a week, but now he has to deal with my sister and I. I think he is slightly pleased that things fell into place as they did. He seems happy and has adjusted well, considering.

My mother's latest PET scan came back clean. She is on a chemotherapy that was originally given to leukemia patients. Imagine my surprise when I discovered it was funded by the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, whom I have fundraised and run for since 2010.

I hope that I am back to this, my writing in my space, more regularly now.

I hope you understand my lingering absence.

I know that soon, I will be laughing again. And taking you along for the ride...

Looking forward...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 12:11:00 +0000

Dark days are finally behind us.

And I am looking forward to:

holding your hand through this life,

sharing quiet moments alone, however scarce,

watching sunrises, sunsets, counting shooting stars,

knowing that you love me still.

Learn more about Six Word Fridays by visiting Melissa's blog!

Heart's Focus

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 03:13:00 +0000

After sixteen years, what was fuzzy

is now clear, without question, unmistakable.

The life we have built together.

Our solid commitment to each other,

the upkeep of our family garden;

the weeding out of what's damaging,

the cultivating of memories that flourish

within our minds, hearts and souls.

You are my heart's sharp lens.

You focus me on the importance

of the legacy we will leave

for the magnificent men they will become.

The lens in which I always

look through to gauge the truth

resides within my ever faithful heart.

And only you hold the key.

What do you focus on? Visit Melissa and Six Words Fridays to find out more...

Making it count...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 03:21:00 +0000

Making my list.

Checking it twice.

Good at making something? Check out Melissa and Six Word Fridays.

True to myself

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 04:52:00 +0000

Aways armed with my moral compass,

I stand here; in the moment.

True to myself, to my heart.

And that is all I need.

What rings true? Visit Melissa's blog and find out more about Six Word Fridays.

The story of us...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 02:31:00 +0000

Our story: a work in progress.

Once upon a time, long ago.

In the here and now: nonfiction.

A new chapter with every morning.

Happily ever after, befitting of us.

December 2010: 15 years later, the story is getting more interesting...

Got a story to share? Check out Melissa and Six Word Fridays!

Saving myself…

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 03:48:00 +0000

Once upon a time, long ago,

a little girl grew up with

poverty and sadness; a dizzying combination.

She promised herself an ever after

that included copious amounts of happiness

and never having to worry about

how to pay your doctor’s bills.

She worked hard, found Prince Charming,

and her happily ever after that

included a roof over her head,

food on the table, bills paid.

Saving for rainy days became something

that would guarantee a safety net

in case the dream was broken.

When her children arrived, she realized

that saving for rainy days now

meant providing a net for them.

Saving for rainy days today means

putting a little extra money away

to help with surprises: good, bad.

But more importantly, to help me

get myself through those tumultuous days,

my heart’s snapshots always remind me

that the greatest fortune to save

is the love of your family.

Got something worth saving? Check out Melissa's blog and Six Word Fridays.

Better half...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 02:40:00 +0000

In the wee hours, impending adversity.

You held my hand, silently praying

for the impossible miracle that came.

Your warm lips on my forehead

were all the strength I needed.

Then and now. Always and forever.

You. My rock. My love. Evermore.

The only one I see across

a crowded room of friends, strangers.

The one who still makes me

catch my breath, still my heart.

In the moments of inevitable weakness,

your strong hands lift me above

whatever clouds my mind, heart, soul.

In the moments of incessant insanity

that life with three boys brings,

our eyes meet, knowing that life;

our life, is full. Of love. Of joy.

Our life: perfect in its imperfection.

Twenty years have not clouded us.

Marriage, parenthood: challenges to strengthen us..

You. The perfection in my imperfection.

Got something better? Check out Melissa and Six Word Fridays.

Sounds of healing...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 01:22:00 +0000

The blood pressure monitor whirs,

the life-giving oxygen machine hums.

Outside, nurses rush to and fro

caring for so many, including Mom.

Over so many years, different hospitals,

different patients, different diagnosis, same fear.

Seeing your parent become frail, sick,

never gets easier, just less unexpected.

The silence of healing: miraculous, incredible,

is a welcomed sound, however temporary.

What sounds warm your heart? Visit Melissa's Six Word Fridays to find out about the buzz!

Silence...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 01:49:00 +0000

On days filled with endless chatter,

I long for silence, quiet , peace.

Barraging giggles, loud whispers, conspiratory voices

easily overwhelm the balance within me.

Deep within, my inner voice questions

if I will readily, willingly embrace

the eventual silence that will come

when my nest is empty, silent.

Then I remember, "I chose this."

This haphazardly controlled chaos of life

that this mom with three boys

lives, balances, treasures and fights against,

is something she chose willingly, wholeheartedly

when her heart and soul were quiet

and not yet full of joy.

Longing for silence? Want to know more about Six Word Fridays? Check out Melissa's blog!

Peace within...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 03:08:00 +0000

The one thing we long for,

we must have to give freely.

It's forms: intricately designed and distinct.

It descends in moments of despair,

enveloping you, lifting you, sustaining you.

It permeates in moments of joy,

deepening the moment; strengthening faith, hope.

How often have prayed for it:

how quickly it has been granted.

It has been my armor, strength

in all that I have endured.

In the moments of quiet meditation

I pray that I can be

an instrument of peace to those

who look for strength, hope, sustenance;

and that the peace I find within

is always there, given freely, abundantly.

Have peace? Check out Melissa and Six Word Fridays.

Why not...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 01:11:00 +0000

Do things on a whim.

Practice random acts of kindness today.

Run an extra mile, just because.

Smile at someone who needs it.

Give a compliment and mean it.

Be kind to someone who's rude.

Act silly, like your shoe size.

Indulge in something, just for you.

Unload an anxiety that cripples you.

Replace it with something joyful, empowering.

Drown a sorrow, float with hope.

Do what you would do if

today was your very last day.

It's not too late to change.

Why not start right this second?

Why not join us? Visit Melissa and find out more about Six Word Fridays!

How to... try to have fun (in spite of the kids)

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 02:54:00 +0000

Book a weekend alone, plan outings.

Pack your bags, kiss the kids.

Say goodbye. Wave. Peel rubber, baby!

Make your way to your destination.

Toast your good fortune, your escape.

Beach, restaurants, big plans: movies, dancing.

Reality? These two "fun" people's plans?

Fizzled out with the evening's twilight.

The culprits? Not the usual suspects.

No little boys and their antics...

Too much sun, too many cocktails,

Super early bird dinners sans children,

Make for sleeping parents at 9:00 p.m.

Know how to do something? Visit Melissa and check out Six Word Fridays!

Fast. Slow. In-between.

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 03:12:00 +0000

My feet pounding on the asphalt.

Breath comes heavy, sweat cleansing me.

Keeping the beat of my soundtrack.

Pushing, hoping for better time.

Deadlines looming, obstacles to overcome daily.

The clock ticks ever so slowly.

Eyes glance continuously, disappointment looms.

It could not possibly go slower.

But somewhere in between the hoping

for better pace, for warp speed

on the slowest of some day,

I know I cannot control time.

Every day, knowledge of time's passing,

gnaws at my heart, mind, soul.

I pray for time to slow,

for more time, a slower pace:

to enjoy these boys who grow

at warp speed, heart aching pace.

Keeping pace? Visit Melissa and find out more about Six Word Fridays.

Connect five...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 10:08:00 +0000

On the days that end in "y":

Opportunities missed to strengthen our bonds.

Work, school, homework, dinner, bath, bed.

Rinse. Repeat. Days end with "Why?"

Why is there so much crammed

into these 24 hour periods?

Days flow into one another, unrecognizable.

On a day that ended in "y,"

an opened envelope beckoned, invited

a chance, a glimmer, an opportunity,

to connect five people who live

rushing on days ending in "y".

A free meal, a wonderful cause;

helped connect our party of five;

end our day with knowledge that

days that end in "y" can be

as magical as days that begin

with "S", even as summer ends.

Trying to connect? Visit Melissa and find out more about Six Word Fridays!

Another move...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 00:58:00 +0000

Another fall. Another phone call. Worry.

Another set of plans gone awry.

Another chance to do what's right.

Another mess to efficiently clean up.

A house to box up, sell.

Another move to a new place,

to start over at the end.

Dismantling and rearranging lives already lived

never gets any easier; less heartbreaking.

And yet, when given the options,

moving, starting over at the end

is better than hearing, "They're gone."

Because of love, the move's orchestrated,

the worries lessen a bit more.

Others care and monitor, feed, bathe.

And all that's left to do

is love until the last move.

What moves you? Visit Melissa and find out more about Six Words Fridays.

Exchanges: Summer vs. Fall

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 02:38:00 +0000

Summer requirements include: flip-flops, sunglasses, sunscreen

Cheesy novel, rigorous exercise, extensive meals.

Easy days, lazy nights, no schedule.

No shoes, no shirts, no problem.

Fast forward to August; exchanges required.

Fall requirements include: school uniforms, supplies

Required reading, no exercise, quick meals.

Hard days, harder nights, rigorous schedules.

High heels, ironed shirts, countless assignments.

New challenges, new opportunities, new beginnings.

Sometimes, exchanges aren't all that bad...

This for that? Uneven exchange? Tell us more. Visit Melissa and learn more about Six Word Fridays!

Easy?

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 02:12:00 +0000

An eight mile run, with humidity.

Three big boys, all potty trained.

Being married to my best friend.

Caring for my uncle, after Mom.

Getting on an airplane, despite fear.

Strapping in for this rollercoaster: Life,

Holding on, letting go, screaming along,

Eyes wide open, hands in air.

Sometimes, the things stamped DIFFICULT,

are the ones that are EASY.

Are you cruising down Easy Street? Easier said than done? Share! Visit Melissa and find out about Six Word Fridays...

Unexpected Joy

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 03:27:00 +0000

Piles of boxes have surrounded me

All summer long, in many forms.

Ten long weeks. Five longer days...

Checklists miles long, endless errands run.

Time shrinking away as I prepare:

my mind, my home, my room;

for a new crop of brains, smiles.

The greatest unexpected joy this week:

mountains of empty boxes, abandoned outside

the gleaming neatness of my classroom.

Tasks accomplished, tools ready, tasks completed:

my mind, my home, my room;

awaiting my new students with joy,

with unexpected ease, speed and enthusiasm,

even after seventeen years of unpacking!

Unexpected insights, visitors? Unexpected news, joy? Share with us! Visit Melissa and find out about Six Word Fridays!

Motherhood: Trial and Error

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 01:47:00 +0000

Do this, with one child: success.

Try that, with another: epic fail.

Improvisation with child three: inevitable split.

Mothering is a series of experiments,

Some great, some small, some crazy.

But all carefully cultivated with love.

Familiar with trial and error? Share with us! Visit Melissa to find out more about Six Word Fridays!

Speak, be heard...

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 00:47:00 +0000

Speak your truth,

every single day.

Live your life,

heart in hand.

Love out loud,

while you can.

Silence harsh words.

Let your heart's

true voice speak

volumes of you.

Have something to say? Dare to speak and be heard! Visit Melissa to find out more about Six Word Fridays.

Sweetness

noreply@blogger.com (Maria) — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 03:02:00 +0000

Skinny, braided pigtails, adorned with ribbons.

Golden curly halo, crowning mischievous eyes.

Resounding choruses of pealing laughter, echoing.

Life gave me three lively boys.

My sister gave me two nieces.

Two beloved little cherubs to adore,

Two precious examples of girly sweetness.

Two girls, three boys, five cousins.

How could life be any sweeter?

What sweetens your days? Tell us about it! Visit Melissa at Making Things Up and learn more about Six Word Fridays!