Glasgow Girl

Swadish

2019-08-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

What used to be a fire station on 33 Ingram Street is now actually on fire but in a good way!

From 1900 till 1984 the building on Ingram Street was the second headquarters of the Glasgow Fire Brigade. It was one of the last stations to be built to accommodate horse drawn fire engines. It was also one of the only centres with a motorised, turntable ladder.

Winston Churchill gave it a visit after the Blitz in 1941.

Now it’s my turn and I was looking to put some fire in my belly!

Swadish came to fruition a couple of months ago and is the creation of husband and wife team Ajay Kumar and his wife Jas. As a young chef Ajay was both guided and fascinated by his mentor’s ability to create magic using simple and humble ingredients.

The colours and flavours of Punjabi-Indian cooking gave him a thirst for knowledge and experience in order to create his own unique dishes.

Using both ancient and modern cooking techniques he has developed a plethora of dishes experimenting with every available spice and ingredient he can place his passionate hands on. He has now set Merchant City in Glasgow alight and is fanning the flames for foodies and curry lovers alike.

Having worked in some of the best hotel India he aims to provide optimal and friendly service in a chic and cozy environment, lap bang in the hot heart of this city.

His wife Jas has helped to create a VEGAN menu which, even a pure sceptic like me, will be tempted to try even if my passion for meat will never be dampened.

However, it means there is something for everyone, no matter what your taste or ethics are!

There is a separate vegan menu which proprietor Jaz developed and is passionate about sharing her favorite dishes and philosophy. Might be a case of Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. I tried one of the dishes with sweet potato and it was sublime. I did have it with a Lamb dish though as I’m not ready to give up meat…just yet!

I was surprised at the variety of fish on the menu which far outweighed their carnivorous delights. My friend Rizwana Ahmed had Sea Bream Wrapped in Banana Leaf, marinated with fennel seeds, tomato masala, raw mango and green coconut chutney with gunpowder asparagus which will blow your mind, never mind your taste buds.

Next time I go I’m trying The Tiffin Box which is like having your own wee buffet!

For £10.95 it replicates the freshly prepared meals office workers in India take to work and has a selection of 6 different items in it; pakora, non-veg. curry of the day, seasonal veg. curry of the day, rice, Nan bread and Galub Jamun – sweet and delicious. There are also vegan options for this.

Although, that combination sounds pretty vegan to me but I’m obviously not very well educated in this practice.

I can't wait for my next visit to meet Jas who is adored by Ajay and together I'll be honoured to find out more about their love story with each other, food and their gorgeous little girl!

Food for me is always about friendship and family!

Till the next time!

In Short Swadish is;

Seasonal – using local produce

Welcoming – everyone was very friendly and efficient

Affordable – quality far surpasses cost

Delightful – in every way

Innovative – developing new dishes

Stylish – interior is eclectic and comfortable

Honest to goodness authentic food

And they sell my favourite Coffee!
Click to buy!

Singl-end

2019-06-03T05:32:00.000-07:00

Singl-end

So, me and The Mary headed to the Singl-end in Garnethill and this was a first for her because, normally I’m working during the day and she has ‘awe the weans’ after school, so it was a right treat for both of us.

She got very excited and had a look at the website by Marcdoeswebsites and although it doesn’t have much by way of content, regarding background or concept, it does have right good pictures, directions, menus and is very easy to navigate. That’s all she needed to start salivating before she even left the house!

Me, on the other hand, I’m always interested in the history of the buildings, business, ethos and love a good story, so later, I’ll tell you a tale, about a real single end, or studio as they're now called!

We were greeted at the door by the lovely Julie and although the street outside was deserted, at 11.30 in the morning, The Singl-end was packed. We were directed to the waiting area with lovely chesterfield couches and offered menus and drinks while we waited. The Mary decided to have a we snooze while I enjoyed the ambience.

It has a very cool vibe and is comfortable with a sense of vibrancy and enthusiasm from the staff; who are all gorgeous by the way. I had the Baked Meaty Eggs as usual and every, single, time I order this, think I won’t finish it but, I do. I’m then overwhelmed with self-disgust because of my own greed and suffer the disappointment of not having managed one of the fabulous cakes on offer!

Prices are very reasonable and the specials menu is always deliciously inventive. The Mary had the quiche with sweet potatoes and slightly curried cauliflower which caused me severe food envy but that’s because I’m a greedy wee ****!

(Suggest words in the comments below please?)

Now Now!!!

So to finish!

"Once upon a time there was a wee lassie called Carrot Heid. She lived up a close in Bridgeton with 5 other family members. They huddled in a Single End and shared a toilet with two other families. Carrots was always very scared to go to the outside lavvy on her own.

One night, after midnight, when everyone was asleep she had a very sore tummy and crept out of the hovel with the massive iron key and roll of scratchy, San Izal, toilet paper.

It was mid-December and very very cold. After doing a number 2 she noticed the toilet had iced up and…

Oh No! there it was! Her dirty business was sitting there, steaming on the ice. Wee Carrots clasped her hands and said a prayer to Jesus. She prayed her faeces would be warm enough to melt the ice and disappear. She closed her eyes for a minute and when she opened them, it had gone.

From that day forward Little Ginger was a believer but was far too embarrassed to tell anyone about The Miracle in the Lavvy!"

The End

The toilets in the Singl-end however, are spotless, bigger than my first house and the toilet paper was deliciously soft, gentle and not at all scratchy. I could have sat there all day!

Singl-end, either the one in Merchant City or Garnethill, is one of my favourite places and the standard is always exceptional. So if you go and are asked to wait, be patient!

It’s well worth your time and hard earned dosh and they have my favourite Italian Aroma Coffee!

Take it easy!

Next time!

Branding

2019-05-26T05:48:00.001-07:00

Branded

(Take 1)

Italian Aroma Coffee

Branding, by definition, is a means of advertising - usually by a distinctive design!

So, it begs the question of why you would buy in a brand, which you hope and need to sell through, then keep it a secret, hide it under the counter and not wish to talk about it?

In business, every sale, every bean of coffee, every customer, nudges you closer to your profit margin to help you into the black.

Having lost my way in Edinburgh the other day I stopped to ask directions at The Corn Exchange and was greeted by a lovely lad called Robbie. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by the aroma of coffee and knew instinctively it was my favourite Italian Aroma. Although I was double parked, there were a couple of tables on the street so I found myself ordering an Americano with hot milk.

To my utter astonishment it arrived in the most God Awful Blue/Grey cup and saucer (why would you do that to my coffee?) Now, if you mix blue and brown you get a dreadful sludge colour and, although I knew the taste would be sublime, I found it hard to lift to my throbbing, waiting lips. Not only because of the appearance but the handle was too close to the saucer so I had to awkwardly manoeuvre the vessel and tip the bloody bowl in order to lift it; spilling some of my nectar.

The lovely Robbie told me all about Aroma and was very enthusiastic about the brand. However, later when I phoned to enquire as to who runs the coffee shop, it was all a bit vague. Although, I would tend to blame Bert, as it’s his name all over the shop.

The dude on the phone confirmed The coffee shop, in the Corn Exchange, was indeed called Bert’s and although it was definitely Italian Aroma coffee I'd had he assured me it was from Matthew Algie but they may be changing that soon.

Wee Robbie knew they had already changed it...

This has set me on the road to a magical, mystery, coffee tour ending at Rosslyn Chapel and my quest will continue. I’m very excited and if you would like to join me, I’m hiring a bus tomorrow to visit all the Saltire outlets, as I’ve just been reliably informed they manage various outlets in Edinburgh and will be running coffee shops and catering gigs all over the toon?

It'll be interesting to see how visible the Aroma brand is or, are Saltire trying to keep it under wraps for a big reveal!

I’m hoping my Italian Aroma Coffee are headlining but this show will be running into next week till I do more research and of course drink more coffee from proper attractive cups, which are white inside!

Message to Saltire!

CHANGE THE CUPS!!!

Ci Vediamo!

Next up!

Her name was Lola

She had the branding

With coffee be-ans in her hair

I saw my favorite roasting there!

Slow Food Glasgow

2019-05-09T12:02:00.002-07:00

Celebrate What's on Your Plate

A bit like myself, Slow Food Glasgow celebrate food in its most natural forms and is a non-profit organisation. However, I’m always on the take so if you want a shout-out here, send me a few bob and Fanny’s your auntie – so to speak - in the Glasgow parlance!

I’m actually skint because I’ve completely gotten out of the habit of cooking and eat out all the time. Like the slow food movement I have a special relationship with food but I've developed a fear of freshly made, locally grown, good quality, sustainable foods becoming extinct.

When eating out I’m extremely aware of how much of the food I'm paying for, and sometimes at exorbitant rates, is frozen and an inedible waste which I'm forced to leave on the plate. Quite often it doesn't even resemble its original form, taste, shape, colour or condition. I’d love to have time, space and the ability to grow my own food however, I'm giving it a go, on my tiny patch, and doing what I can.

So far I've wondrously grown parsley, rocket and rosemary but I’m wasting away because, as you know, they are simply garnish or contorno and there's no way I can have lifestock on my very bijou property. This makes me vulnerable and beholden to the purveyors of Glesca toon. The irony is, I’m late to the table with the Slow Food movement which was founded in Italy around 1989 and I lived there at this very time.

Staying in a village called Delicto, nella provincia di Foggia in Puglia and me being a pure townie, I did find the process of growing, preparing, cooking and eating food very slow indeed. Also, after my Negroni Apperitivo I was usually half squished and missed the main course anyway because they took so long eating the 'anti' and pasta starters. I'd also, probably, already walloped a bottle of family-made red, potent, deliciousness.

My Mother-in-Love planted, tended, nourished, picked and cooked most of her own food and there was never any waste. We ate what was available and she was so inventive and meals were always healthy and wholesome. She was a culinary genius. We could have eaten fagiolini every day for a week and each dish was presented differently and never less than authentically magnificent.

On hearing about Slow Food Glasgow I decided to attend an World Disco Soup in The Project Cafe and it was FREE – win win. I went along with my daughter who bolted as soon as she saw the chopping boards, knives and mushrooms. She’s had a fear of fungus since a very young age and imagines they are very young dolphin and bizarrely claims to hear a loud squeak as the knife goes through. I’ve tried to assure her Flipper is fine and still living in someone’s imagination and, like unicorns, are not real and usually live in a cartoonists pen!

The Slow Food Movement strives to link community and the pleasure of food while also being aware of the environment to seek a better way to eat. It is a worldwide organisation and they celebrate food traditions of different nations and aim to protect edible biodiversity. My friend Giovanna who is the co-owner of the wonderful Eusebi Deli on Park Road in the West End of Glasgow is an enlightened ambassador of hospitality and The Slow Food Movement in Glasgow.

Giovanna, along with a fantastically enthusiastic supporter, Federico Lubrani are my new heroes as they continuously promote the ethics and ethos of Slow Food; Giovanni with her customers and staff but also through giving talks in local schools and Fede with everyone he engages with. I wait with baited breath to see what they next.

Meanwhile, I’m off to plant some chilli peppers in my window box and the moment, due to time and space, I’m all about the garnish and seasoning. I’ve a long way to go but am learning slowly but surely to celebrate what's on my plate!

Buon appetito!

Click the links to find our more about The Slow food Movement and World Disco Soup.

Glasgow Girl : Kind Kastriot!

2019-04-29T07:45:00.001-07:00

Glasgow Girl : Kind Kastriot!: Kind Kastriot's On what has been a very challenging week for my neighbour Jane there was some lightheartedness and ki...

Locarno

2019-03-04T23:54:00.006-08:00

Urr Ye Dancin'?

Considering it closed between 1929 and 1934 I'm astonished The Mary thinks we're going dancing!

The former Guy's in Merchant City has been Taken over by Audrius Dirmauskas and I'm excited to go back for the first time since this renaissance!

I love Guy Cowan and Guy's was one of my favourite places for a deliciously 'home cooked' dinner in Glasgow town.

Renamed Locarno I'm hoping it lives up to my expectations but it be a hoot anyway considering The Mary is wearing ballerina pumps on and a sequinned ballgown!

On arrival the very welcoming Nick showed us to our table. The sala seemed more open and brighter, then I realised, although Guy's memorabilia had gone, mine were there, in the walls, essence and heart.

With such a solid foundation Locarno will embrace new era with gusto and create 'joyous memories' for the people of Glasgow!

We chose the set menu which had variety and is very quirky in it's mix of eclectic and international delights!

It was a lovely evening and worth going just to meet the Gorgeous Nick!
See you the next time!

Click Here to book!
Alexa

Tea Lover!

2019-02-19T14:58:00.001-08:00

Shanghai Teahouse

Until recently my one, true and constant love has been coffee but suddenly I' find myself desiring tea and can't get enough of it.

I'm overwhelmed by the urge to soak my teabag at every opportunity. Or better still; get lost in an osmosis of putting two simple things together to create something so deliciously satisfying it blows my mind.

George Orwell said;

"The pot should be warmed beforehand!"

I would agree and my pot gets hot just thinking about it!

In some countries teapots are fitted with little, dangling baskets under the spout to catch stray leaves. I can think of other uses for these wee baskets and might invent a wee device to keep the sheets clean.

So what better way to start the week than visiting The Shanghai Teahouse in Bothwell?

I've was invited along to be their very first guest.

In the heart of Bothwell, it's bringing an authentic, oriental flair to this gorgeous, leafy and beautiful conservation village. The decor in The Shanghai Teahouse is chic, lush and inviting. This restaurant has been a work in progress for two years and the result are bang on target for success, in every aspect.

They will have no problem infusing into the already buzzing and high quality hospitality available in leafy Bothwell.

The welcome I got was warm and although I only had time for tea, coffee and a starter, the service and experience was first class and I'll be back for more very soon.

The Shanghai Tearoom has awakened my dormant desire for Chinese cuisine and all things tea related to a new level and here are some of the benefits of my new passion!

Helps create a calmer and alert state of mind
Lowers stress hormones
Helps protect your smile
Is calorie free
Increases your metabolism
Eases irritability and headaches
Releases tension

Bit like SEX actually so, get the kettle on and have some tea for two before getting on the phone to The Shanghai Tearooms to bask in the afterglow with some fantastically flavoursome food to refuel!

祝你好運Sui和Wanta。

下次見！

Phone 01698 451896

Be Still My Dripping Heart!

2019-01-31T12:29:00.003-08:00

Red Blooded Glasgow Girl

Image by Getty Images (BlackJack3D)

St Valentine has a lot to answer for!

Another year and another table for one!

Don't get me wrong it's my choice to be on my own but seriously, even my independent, confident heart leaks when overwhelmed with a barrage of blood, red hearts and flowers. Especially when I'm digesting Haggis and still have left over christmas pudding in the cupboard

Nothing was further from my mind when I went shopping for a 21^st birthday card and yet, there I was, faced with promises to ‘love you forever’, ‘always in my heart’ and proclamations of ‘undying love’!

To be perfectly honest, my craving is for an evening of sexual desire with no promise of eternal lust because, if done properly, it’s bloody exhausting and once a year, well maybe once a week, is enough.

I’m a busy girl!

When I was young and fresh I always had cards to open on 14^th February. One year I got 14 but most of them were from friends of my younger brothers, stating what they’d like to do to me. It was flattering and terrifying in equal measures.

In a previous life my gorgeous man always worked on Valentines day and sometimes I even went with him to help out. We agreed it was one of the quietest and most uncomfortable evenings of the year in hospitality. Especially when some spontaneous, knee bender proposed.

Pure Riddie!

The mortified victim was usually forced to say yes in order to save embarrassment and get him off his knees while everyone in the restaurant looked on. Then you could sense a raging air of disappointed from the other 'plus ones', sitting there, getting drunk, thinking, ‘how embarrassing’ but all the while, wishing it was them faced with a sparkly, suggestion of eternity.

I still have the very first Valentine’s card my husband gave me. It winds up to play 'My Funny Valentine'! There was always a small, precious and thoughtful gift to open on the evening we'd planned, with food, wine, music and romance, far from the maddening 14th!

Being together with someone you're fond of should always be special, especially if intimacy is involved. Although sex, like everything else, has become too available and in some ways less precious. ‘Forever’ appears to be fanciful delusion in our very, fast paced, transient, click of a button culture.

So, all you lovers out there; go buy your cards before they're sold out or you’ll need to present your loved-up one with an Easter egg; they're in the shops already too!

You could always place a sparkly surprise inside to make up for your tardiness!

This Valentines day I'll be donating Blood, with no sweat or tears!

Happy Valentine's Day when,
It...
You...
or your lover comes!

XXX

Click this link to find out where you can donate blood!

The Battlefield Rest

2019-01-23T14:16:00.001-08:00

The Battlefield Rest

I'm humped and it's only Wednesday!

However, I'm happy to be stopping on the way home for a rest on a site of the Battleground where Mary Queen of Scots fought her last battle. Most of my battles are fought in my head and by the time I approach a likely victim I'm too tired and no longer interested.

The Battle in my Head? Now that would be a great title for a book...watch this space!

The Battlefield Rest site was originally used for 'resting and courting' so I might be in luck and find an old-fashioned, chivalrous suitor.

I've not been very well recently because of a kissing deficiency. It's sort of self inflicted and caused by severe reaction to intimate contact. It's brought on mainly by boredom, lack of enthusiasm and the wish to be swept away by laughter and good chat! Maybe, if I'd shut my gub, stop talking and eating, a guy could get look, or even a word in.

Maybe even a tongue?

Some very attentive guys seem to think they can remedy my condition.

When one of the weaker sex recently asked for my number so he could prescribe me a snog I replied;

"I'm alright Jack because the thing is, if I give you my phone number; you'll only phone me, ask me out for dinner and then...?"

Well...it's never really just dinner or a kiss is it?

Marco Giannasi, who owns The Battlefield Rest, is a charming man with a cheeky, gorgeous smile.
Bet he's a good kisser?

All the best kissing remedies are either attached to their spousal labre, have been rejected like a dose of herpes or are playing in a field of available, willing, liberated and fabulously female predators.

Women no longer sit back and wait, they are warriors ruling a battlefield of more than willing, testosterone filled, foot soldiers.

Me, I'm quite happy, right here in The Battlefield Rest-ing and wrapping my chops around a juicy, beef fillet with a crusty, haggis and black pudding polpettes. Then dressing my tongue with a creamy Clock Tower covered in crushed Amaretto. If that's not enough I could have Rob Roy's Cup overflowing with deliciously, fresh strawberries drenched in a saucy liquor.

Why bother with the stress of dating when it's all right there, at your lips and cutlery tips, in the wonderful Battlefield Rest?

So, here I am in my cosy bed, basking in the afterglow of one of Glasgow's most imposing towers of Italian Cuisine which is still standing the test of time!

Pass me a cigarette please!
Buona Notte!

To book your table click here!

Boh' Uddingston

2019-01-04T14:15:00.004-08:00

Boh Uddingston!

When I'm in Italy if someone says;

"Boh?"

It's followed by a question mark because it sort of suggests; I don't have a clue!

When I went to this new venue in Uddingston yesterday however, it was clear they knew exactly what they were doing. From the moment I stepped out of the car it was welcoming and chic.

The staff are very professional, polite and charming, without being overly familiar. I've been to a few places in and around Bothwell and they are often pretentiousness and prices are overwhelmingly, inflated because there's seems to be a whiff delusion in the air!

The food in Boh' was beautifully presented and delicious; with a price tag which will definitely entice the locals and may even bring the Bothwell mob out of their, Farrow and Ball, painted shells for the 1.7 mile journey from Cut to Boh'!

Although I'm sure some of them might pay the higher prices in Bothwell; as they did for the Postcode!

No accounting for superciliousness of locality!

Being a bit of a vagrant I'll never understand it myself?

Christopher the manager is very handsome and friendly and unlike some front of house staff he also knows how to run a kitchen which is very important for momentum and smooth running of any food joint!

So, I wish them well and I'll be back time and time again for the most deliciously, sexy, shockingly scrumptious, lush, (bit like my friend Alan I was with) lemon meringue pie in a glass I have ever tasted!

I wish you well and am sure you will feed and purvey your way into 2019 with flair and panache!

Hope to see you soon with The Mary as she'll be raging I was there without her!

Next time!

Van Winkle!

2018-11-07T11:32:00.000-08:00

Van Winkle!

The story of Rip Van Winkle is set in the Catskill Mountains before the American Revolution. It was a “region full of fable”, holding many memories within its mounds.

My story is set in Glasgow where many people have come and gone but The Mary is omnipresent and, likewise, my love for her is boundless! That’s why, tonight, against my better judgement, I’ve ended up in the Calton District to check out Van Winkle.

This area has changed so much in the past 20 years and is evident in the statistics regarding life expectancy of the local inhabitants. 54 years is often quoted but, with the population increasing by 36% since 2001, the estimate is now 68 for men and 77 for women. The value of housing stock has also risen by 31%.

The Mary was born there and it’s where she lived when I met her and, like Rip Van Winkle in the Mountains of Native America, it’s a place filled with tales of battles, ghosts and spirits. Me and The Mary have had many a scary night in Glasgow. In fact, she reminded me of one, in this very place, when it was called Eastenders.

It was 1983 and normal to encounter the local ‘working girls’ having a wee night out. It was always great fun with James Hughes, the local ‘cabaret’ artist, providing great entertainment. However, on that occasion my sister knocked one of the ‘girls’ off her chair and when I went to apologise, on her behalf, the lassie took an instant loathing to me!

The ensuing fracas resulted in The Mary running round to the Traders Tavern for reinforcements to come and rescue us. The Clark sisters arrived in about two minutes, like fabulously, happy and excited, raging warriors. The party was just getting started for them.

I remember sitting terrified in the escape car outside, waiting for my mum to come out, while one of the wild, working, lassies was banging on the bonnet shouting,

“I’m gonnae f***king bottle that wee, ugly, posh, snooty, Ginger c**t!”

I was mortally offended because I’d never thought of myself as a snob!

Like Rip Van Winkle, the Calton had been asleep for about 20 years but is now experiencing a renaissance and fast becoming a vibrant, cultural and important centre of creativity, regeneration and the arts.

Van Winkle has a very cool vibe and the décor is cosily industrial which is not that easy to do. They have corrugated iron on the walls, crude, grainy wooden tables and old school chairs making it both regular and eclectic at the same time. They have truly revived and reclaimed the venue as their own with panache and gritty realism.

For starters we had Buttermilk Chicken Tenders with bourbon, buffalo, extra hot sauce and the Buffalo Wings. The Mary’s eyes nearly popped when she tried it. I had naughtily said it wasn’t so hot but it was actually nearly as hot as a guy I’d been dating’s new squeeze. Even I fancy her, so I’m not hurt or offended at all…I’m not…not really…well maybe a wee bit!

We then had burgers and they were deliciously meaty with melted, dripping cheese which I licked off my arm with glee. Later that evening I found some which had trickled down my bra and I scooped it out relishing tender memories of the evening and the past few weeks of fun, rollicks and terrific scran.

Regarding my recent encounters of the casual kind I sent him a message saying,

“Well done you and thanks for the beautiful memories!”

And well-done Van Winkle if it isn’t broken don’t fix it. Me and The Mary will be back but, in the meantime, keep doing what you’re doing especially the two coursers for £11!

Today there is so much choice in every aspect of life and maybe we should learn to have some loyalty. If you ever want to be truly happy then give things a chance. Like dating, when you find something amazing, try to build on it without constantly trawling for something glossier.

Businesses open and close in Glasgow every week, hearts are broken, illusions shattered and lives are wasting away along with reputation and hopefulness. Even if you don’t frequent a place or are not too keen on it still try recommending it and don’t ever decry someone else’s dream.

So, when you find out what makes your taste buds tingle have respect in the fact someone has taken the time to prepare, nurture and present it for your pleasure. If your tingle fades, it’s not their fault it’s something lacking in you!

See you the next time!

Me and The Mary”

Roosevelt's Bar and Kitchen!

2018-10-24T12:37:00.001-07:00

Roosevelt's Bar and Kitchen!

Who would pick a daisy in a field of roses?

Me neither!

Nor would I pick a vegan burger in a den of meat but go to Roosevelt’s Bar and Kitchen at 144 Park Road in Woodlands Glasgow at least you have the choice.

The meaning of Roosevelt is ‘Field of Roses’ but Brothers Scott and Graeme or, taking into account the origins of their names I’ll call them God and Gravel, are packing them in with juicy, fleshy, brawny burgers and with the help of some ‘Vegan Burd’ called Adele they’ll also offer mortal free options.

Vegans eat a wide variety of plant foods such as lentils, beans, nuts, seeds, fruits and vegetables. Their preference is for anything that’s not derived from livestock. Personally, I think plants have feelings too and would never forage a flower, from the earth, to die in a vessel, on its lonesome.

Me, like most of the men I know, would always pick moist lamb, slender venison or a lean cow to take up the road. Nothing like a bit of fresh, young meat to sully the bulbous nerve endings on your tongue and get your ravenousness juices flowing.

The bothers Mclean, as the name implies, are sons and servants of the city and I applaud them for their dedication to great scran. Even if it means munching with bush fondlers.

The boys use the freshest of ingredients from local suppliers such as S. Collins & Son in Muirhead (Butchers Extraordinaire) and they have my favourite, Glasgow based, Italian Aroma Coffee. I choose the ‘Eleanor’, beef patty burger with bacon, lettuce, tomato, pickle and burger sauce topped with Jalapenos. It was hot and meaty just like big Scotty Boy!

I was reading yesterday that Eleanor Roosevelt died of cardiac failure and on the way home I felt as if history might repeat itself because I’d scoffed everything on my plate. Fortunately, the meat was so lean and the bun so light and fluffy that I didn’t meat my end...not yet anyway and could still touch my toes without bending my knees.

Just saying!

So, get your hin’ end up to that West End or call right now and book a table on 0141 339 9124 and sample an 8 oz. Rump for a mere £16 quid or a Clinton Sausage for a tenner. Remember though, Bill’s schlong nearly cost him the presidency, so be careful of how you masticate your mutton.

I would have loved some of the Sticky toffee pudding, drizzled with hot, toffee sauce and vanilla ice cream but I’d been well satiated. Also, I’m quite a clumsy eater and didn’t want to mess up my dress then have to explain myself at the cleaners!

“Yes, I did have, messy, sensual relations with a steamy, sticky pudding!”

Maybe they could create a Lewinsky Hotdog with cream cheese, runny mayo and Jalapenos then serve it with a discount voucher for the local Johnson’s the Cleaners!

So, everything in the Roosevelt Garden is Rosy and although you can’t grow flowers in gravel these guys are nourishing their business with great food, a fantastic selection of drinks and honest hospitality along with diversity, imagination and vigour!

I wish them all the luck in the West End!

See you next time with The Mary!

Mharsanta!

2018-10-09T13:29:00.000-07:00

Mharsanta!

(Gaelic for Merchant)

Had the Merchant of Venice been from Glasgow he would have been called Mharsanta de Glaschu (pronounced ‘Var-Santah de Glassie-coo)!

Not easy to say after a few drams I’m sure!

In Shakespeare’s masterpiece poor Bassiano borrowed money from his pal Antonio to woe the classy Portia and in doing so put his friendship and his friend’s life at risk. There are many lessons to be learned from this story. Firstly guys, if have to buy a girl’s time and favour, is it worth having? Secondly, you should never put anything; love, lust or money before friendship.

Love, they say, should last forever and we all know it is but a promise. There are vows and contracts but no guarantees. True friends love you for who you are, not what you have. I’d much rather be ‘in like’ with someone than in love with an ideal!

All that glistens isn’t gold and lust can make you blind but lovers can’t see the ‘pretty follies they, themselves, commit’. Sometimes judgement can be ‘blinded by young limbs’ and a fool and his gold can be easily parted. We all know fancy is bred in the groin and not the head. All I want is mirth and laughter to deepen my lovely lines then my worn face will be my legacy.

I got a bit carried away there and, ‘in one fell swoop’ have paraphrased some of the bard’s wisdom. ‘In my mind’s eye’ Shakespeare was the king of the cliché and we loved him for it. As stated in Othello ‘I wear my heart on my sleeve’ and I don’t care if the fabric is new or vintage; what matters is who wants to be on my arm and who loves me for who I am and if not, then ‘good riddance’!

The Mary and I are off to exact a pound of fleshy sausages in Merchant City and we’re looking for a bargain so as we don’t need a Shylock. When the going gets melancholy this Glasgow Girl reaches out to her friends in much the same way Bassiano did with Antonio, and my girls, especially The Mary, are always there to lend me an ear!

Mharsanta has opened on the former site of Pancho Villas on Bell Street and they promise; ‘the very best experience from the moment you walk through the door’. Of what I’m not sure but I am, none the less, excited and we’re choosing from the Pre-theatre menu.

I decided on the Wild mushroom delight which was drenched in gorgeous garlic and creamy sauce with shaved Grana Padano, served on toasted soda bread. Oh, my Lord it was indecently salacious! If you order this be careful what you have for seconds because it’s quite filling and I was devastated because I actually left some food on my plate for the first time in about 15 years!

I then had the scrumptious steak and sausage pie with buttery mash and seasonal vegetable and it was absolutely, Scottishly perfect. The Mary opted for Shetland Mussels then Mince and tatties.

She had a problem with this dish in that it had a Poached, Hen’s egg perched on top. She looked scared when it arrived and said it reminded her of an old boyfriend who only had one eye and he always loved how she cooked her mince. She thought, in some way, he’s come back to haunt her. Seriously, what a load of mince!

I explained to The Mary how it might be because in the old days they could have tried to add extra protein or maybe Mharsanta had an overenthusiastic hen in the back yard. I also hit out with loads of other theories about ‘the evil eye’ and how an egg might protect us from vampires and witches.

After this full-on discussion about this I asked the lovely server Eilidh why it was there, to which she replied;

“Not sure actually!”

So, there you bloody well go hen!

No rhyme nor reason for the egg!

As my auld pal Wullie S. would say;

“All’s well that ends well!”

See you the next time!

Me and The Mary.

Cutting It!

2018-10-02T15:35:00.002-07:00

Cut!

Don’t you just love going to restaurants where they have photos of previous customers on the walls?

Juniors in Brooklyn have signed pictures of Barbara Streisand, Bill Clinton, Frank Sinatra, John F. Kennedy and many, many more. To think I’ve probably sat on the very same seat as some of the Rat Pack fills me with awe and gratitude. Food is an equaliser and brings people from different worlds and backgrounds together, at all levels

Juniors, founded by Harry Rosen in 1950, is on Flatbush Avenue and was also the ‘venue’ for Carrie Bradshaw and Big’s wedding reception in Sex and The City. I usually visit for brunch before buying theatre tickets at the Metro Tech when I’m in New York; much better than queuing for hours at Times Square.

Yesterday, as I wandered around Cut in Bothwell looking for a familiar face I came across their gallery. Most of the art consists of fabulously, colourful cows. I’m sure this is in no way representative of the clientele. Although, I did witness tender loins, mature T-bones and ‘hung’ meet hanging around in the bar area.

Some folk like skirt or flap which benefits from a good marinate, best cooked medium but I prefer mature, thick, beef which has dangled for at least 10 to 14 days. Ageing improves flavour, is a bit nuttier but more importantly, has much better quality and taste.

Inspired by the herd of ‘coos’ I greedily choose both the burger and the beef. Nothing better than a good roast on a Sunday afternoon with juicy meat pate in a soft, steamy bun on the side. One dish is never enough for this Glasgow Girl. Variety, they say, is the spice of life and mine is very zesty at the moment.

The Cut burger was tasty and scandalously moist. It was accompanied by a spicy, sharp, Russian dressing along with perfectly seasoned, skinny, fries. The Roast Sirloin of Beef was beautifully presented with seasonal vegetables, creamy, smooth mash, roast potatoes, Yorkshire pudding and beef gravy.

The Sunday menu is on offer at a very reasonable £12 £15 and £18 for 1,2,3 courses respectively. The staff are very friendly, knowledgeable, observant and attentive.

After a very satisfying meal and my favourite Italian Aroma Coffee my companion asked me to his place to look at his etchings. Unfortunately I was in a bit of a hurry but I’m sure they are very well hung and beautifully presented. Ideally they should be at thigh level, not too high, not too low and hopefully not less than three feet from the floor!

See you the next time!

O Sole Mio!

2018-09-19T13:38:00.001-07:00

O Sole Mio!

In the words of the song, sometimes the best things are there;

‘Sta ‘nfronta te!’

They are right there in front of us and we become so familiar we no longer recognise the goodness, kindness, love and suddenly, it’s gone!

Sometimes we need to go back to the beginning, maybe to a time when we had less but wanted more. Did we all crave to be better and move on to bigger, better, shiny new ‘things’?

What happens when we look back and realise things were perfect, just the way they were?

Wouldn’t it be good to return to a corner of your mind and appreciate exactly what you had, in all its simplicity and innocence?

In Songs of Innocence and Experience I love how William Blake viewed childhood as perfect examples of creativity and imagination. He portrayed them as symbols of gentleness and purity, lacking in sophistication but wealthy in humility.

Children embody goodness and lack malice. They accept things as they are, trust others to look after them and bloom in ignorant bliss. However, experiences, good and bad, change our perspective and we become weary and cynical. The higher our expectations are the more we suffer disappointment.

Last night me and The Mary took a trip into the past; to a place which used to be very dear to me. O Sole Mio was one of the first places I went on a date. I was 18 and good restaurants in Glasgow were few and far between. My date, who will remain nameless for fear of getting a visit from the police, was from the Calton.

He was a boxer but had a side hustle and needed a decent, respectable girl to get through the doors of certain establishments in town. I was a dancer and knew lots of the security. Our evening would always start at O Sole Mio! We would then go to Lucifer’s, Maestro’s and wherever else he needed to deliver.

Like a child I was oblivious as to what was going on, enjoying the finer points of the evening. I would then be dropped off home at a decent hour having had a delightful time as well as serving my virginal purpose to my suitor. Days of innocence right enough.

It took me a while to realise what was going on, within two weeks he was chucked but I continued my love affair with Il Mio Ristorante Preferito. It was the first place to have a wood-burning, brick oven in Glasgow and later when I was married to an Italian it was the only place he and his friends would go for Pizza.

Now I balk when I see new, hip pizzeria’s offering authentic, rustic, baked dough, scorched in metal and ceramic ovens which arrive at the table with a soggy bottom and doughy rim. Nothing is better than focaccia or pizza, baked on a porous, clay surface which draws water out from the dough leaving a tasty puffed up crust.

O Sole Mio has survived despite recessions in 1961 - bank interest rates, 1973 - an industry crisis, 1975’s - oil price fluctuation, government spending limitations in the 1980’s, the High interest rates of the 1990’s and many more. How many Pizza Punks will still be about in 2063?

For 45 years they have given us a taste of Naples and, hopefully, will continue to do so for many years to come. Our trip down memory lane was wholesome and delicious. We left feeling nostalgic and loving our vibrant city even more than we had at the start of the evening.

O Sole Mio reminds me of Mimi’s, one of my very favourite places in New York. The last thing on my mind as I went to sleep last night was how we need to keep spreading the news about our wonderful city so more people can be enjoy her. Hospitality and Glasgow are in my heart and my vagabond shoes will always stray right to the heart of it.

Maybe it’s not ‘the city that doesn’t sleep’ but every day I find something, both old and new, to brag about. It’s my kind of town, my kind of people too, as you walk down the street they may growl but they also smile at strangers.

Whenever I leave, it calls me home and I will forever be grateful for the memories it holds. Good, bad and sad, it’s made me who I am and I’m proud to call myself a Pure Glasgow Girl!

Till the next time.

Me and The Mary

Panda!

2018-09-08T12:07:00.002-07:00

Panda Chinese Cuisine!

Once upon a time a wee lassie saw a Panda being attacked by a big, bad leopard. She swooped in and saved the bear but lost her own life when Rampant Leo killed her instead!

Pandas, until then, had been totally white and fluffy.

However, on the day of her funeral, thousands of Pandas turned up wearing armbands of black ash and as they hugged each other, bleating hysterically the ash spread all over their eyes and bodies.

That’s how they came to be Black and white.

The End!

This is a true story my pal told me. In 1969 after she’d been to Woodstock with her parents. They’d met an embarrassment of panda loving hippies. She had the time of her life and they ate magical mushrooms with breakfast. It was magnificently psychedelic and she said everything had been perfectly purple for a week.

By the time The Mary made it up the stairs to Panda at Springfield Quay I had to wipe the tears from her panda eyes. She’s was crying from the pain of her Baker’s cyst. I did explain, once we were up there, the toilets were on the same level so it was a Win Win Win as she usually has to visit the lavvy at least three times because of her weak bladder situation

I’m getting her an INNOVO for Christmas to strengthen her pelvic floor and stimulate the ‘wummin’ area. Actually, I’m going to check if they do a 2 for 1 deal because I could do with some of this; ‘clinically proven, non-invasive action’ myself.

When I explained to The Mary you wrap it around your thigh and it has a hand-held control for pelvic stimulation, and doesn’t need insertion, it began sounding all the more attractive to me!

Although our reproduction facilities are past their ‘sell buy’ date The Mary suggested INNOVO could be used as a treatment for Pandas because they’re dying a lot faster than being born. Pandas only ovulate once a year.

Maybe INNOVO are missing a trick here. They could market their ‘wrap’ as ‘Panda Friendly’ with no harm being done in the making of the ads. Maybe, if the panda population increases I would get a kick back.

They might send me the first INNOVO created Panda as a pet. Then me and The Mary could take it out with us on a Monday. Or, they could grant me a lifetime supply of free, electronic incontinence devices to make my pelvic floor more controlled, make me feel assured, help my inner and outer confidence and hopefully, keep me Tena free with a permanent smile on my face.

There’s nothing worse than involuntary leaking!

Did you know more people suffer from incontinence than Hay fever? All this pishing and sneezing could be an advertiser's wet dream!

Anyway, back to the food. When we got to the door of Panda Chinese Cuisine The Mary nearly fainted because it was a Buffet. She thought we’d have to leave because I hate the ‘All you can eat’ spreads but having come all the way up the stairs I thought it was best to stay.

Don’t want The Mary bleating like a Panda ‘cause she’s certainly not as cute when she’s mad!

The food on offer was beautifully presented in shallow containers and was steaming hot. The counter was laden with fresh, colourful food and the variety suited both our very different tastes. My favourite was the Mongolian Beef, no, it was the pulled duck. Wait a minute, I think I loved the chicken in black-bean sauce the most?

There was fresh fruit, ice cream, cheesecake and a fluffy sponge for the sweet toothed patrons as well as fruity fritters with custard. I opted for marshmallows dipped in the chocolate fountain. I’d never tried this before and have to say it was a bit like chewing my pillow after a visit from the grandson.

I’m not sure it’s as they boast;

“The Most Beautiful Chinese Restaurant in Glasgow!”

“A top class restaurant!”

But it did have the freshest, most varied buffet I’ve ever had and the staff were attentive and pleasant. From the quality of the food provided I would guess they have Chefs from different regions of China because the range of different dishes was exceptional.

Although it seats up to 200 guests it still felt cosy and had an almost Disneyesque feel. It would be a fun place to go with children before a visit to the cinema. If you are a Panda geek they also have an online shop where you can buy ‘Panda’ things like; keyrings, mugs and pens so you could do a bit of shopping while you’re there.

All in all it was a pleasurable experience and is very reasonably priced!

When I suggested the INNOVO to The Mary she looked worried then said;

“Do you think that electronic thing would stop us from pishing ourselves laughing? Because I’d much rather be discreetly dry and secure with Tena Lady than no have a laugh!”

See you the next time!

Me and The Mary!

Online Dating!

2018-09-02T02:37:00.004-07:00

Online Dating

In order to consider the minefield of online dating; I’ll break it down.

Online, by sheer definition, is an entity controlled by, or connected to, a computer. Leonard Kleinrock was one of the pioneers who wrote about ARPANET in 1961 which preceded the internet as we now know it.

Whilst dating has many meanings; one being a ‘trial period in which people explore whether to take the relationship further, towards a more permanent contract’ (Marriage). Another is when people hook up to have dinner, drinks or coffee and chat (Dating). Both, by mutual consent, can lead to an agreement resulting sex.

Married couples might have ‘date nights’ because they’re fed up having sex and need to get out of the bedroom. Another reason could be the relationship is flailing and they need to reconnect. Think it’s usually the later to be honest.

I’m fairly romantic but nonetheless pragmatic about dating, relationships and marriage because, in my opinion, none the above needs to be about love and devotion but might, purely, be an agreement between two compatible, consenting adults. Both marriage and dating can be successful without love.

Many a splendid thing can be spoiled by expectation and emotion but nothing beats a good old fashioned concurrence stating the terms and conditions. Thinking of love and marriage, it could be said, we need the horse to pull the cartridge along or it would be static. So legally binding documents are signed to keep things moving. It’s elementary but my opinion it’s an unnecessary institution, even though I bought into it for 37 years.

I was in love and loved the same man for most of my life and was constantly caught between obstacles and compromise. There were many times I wanted to give up but when I stripped away life’s problems, family, bills and then his clothes, we had amazing chemistry and a bond, so strong, we overcame even the toughest challenges together. It was hard work!

My experience of dating is minimal because I met my Match when I was nineteen. I’ve been contentedly on my own for nearly 7 years and have now been forcefully encouraged to try online dating. After ignoring and dismissing it as ‘not for me’, I decided to give it a go. My plan was to have a maximum of 20 dates then bin it whatever the outcome of any individual encounters.

I choose Match.com because I’d been reliably informed paying for the service makes it more legitimate. Seemingly, Tinder and Plenty of Fish are free and a bit more casual. Also I liked they’re tagline;

“Find the person who is right for you!”

So, without further hesitation, I signed up. Again, I was faced with a binding ‘contract’ and a commitment to pay up for 6 months.

My bio stated I was looking for fun, chat and hoping to spend time with some likeminded chaps. Maybe I should have stated ‘only one at a time’ but I was very speedy and enthusiastic. This was my first mistake and was misconstrued as me being ‘up for it’ by my second encounter of the uncomfortable kind.

That ‘date’ lasted all of seven minutes, one for every year I’ve been on my own and made me appreciate every, single night I put the light out before going to sleep on my lonesome. He made it very clear he was expecting to have sex that same evening having ‘travelled all the way from East Kilbride on a Saturday night’. He suggested I was naive to have thought otherwise.

It was actually Friday so he didn’t even know what day of the week it was!

He was vile!

Flashback to date number one; which was coffee with a lovely gentleman who specified he was looking to settle into a life in the country with a ‘suitably appropriate lady’. I was attentive and enjoyed his company but felt bad because, as we were leaving, after a very pleasant two hours, he said he’d like to do it again and I blurted out politely;

“Me too!”

Knowing this was not what I was looking for.

Date number three and four were brilliant and I found myself in the company of a gregarious gentleman who was intelligent, polite, lively and charming. We laughed till my face hurt. He was looking for fun, with a clever woman who had a bit of an edge. After four hours together I felt as if I’d made, at the very least, a good friend.

We met again for coffee which ran on to dinner and six hours later we were snorting with laughter. We even had a kiss in the car park which was pleasantly tingly. I could have had more of that but not in the open, over a car.

I felt attracted, interested and visualised, (that’s what women do guys) more of the kissing, having a plus one for events, dinner, theatre, chat and maybe a cosy night in together. Not much more, maybe less, depending on mutual respect, desire and consent. However, any intimate relationship would need to be exclusive and there we have it; that’s the tension.

The www.com brings the world together for business, entertainment, culture and pleasure. It is a massive web connecting networks with other networking infrastructures. Millions of computers are globally formed to link with anyone connected, so your dating possibilities are infinite.

These ethereal experiences could collide, float past like planets in an eclipse. Or maybe gravity and significance will hold them in their orbits because the pull is not strong enough.

In life we need to take the rough with the smooth but I’m reluctant to put myself in the firing line to be shot at close range by fingertips shooting into the ether from a laptop.

My time with internet dating has been brief, not even two weeks, but I still had an interesting time. I’ve met people from different spheres and even the Delightful Mr Smooth, who wanted a ‘lady with an edge’ might have found mine too bristly.

As they say;

“You can take the girl out of the East End but…”

My days of digital dating might be over but I’m very happy and love my wee life…

Exactly the way it is!

P.S. Mr Smooth and I are no longer friends he turned out to be a bit of a bit of a dick actually!

Revolution!

2018-08-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

Revolution Mitchell Street

I was only ever in The Tunnel once, after a funeral, circa 1990.

Strange place for a purvey you may think but in those days everyday was a Party and this was the 3^rd venue of the day. Glasgow folk, especially from the Calton, tend to make the most of any occasion.

We ended up in the ‘Blue Room’, which was basically, a small, dingy hideaway behind a curtain and the buffet was conspicuously chemically based. I didn’t partake because I was bad enough in my wine altered state, never mind any dubious dabbling or tampering with my neurons by Cheeky Charlie. I’d witnessed that devil rewarding many a mesolimbic dopamine system and didn’t want my ventral tegmental area corrupted any more than it already had been.

The Mary missed out on that experience but was with me to sample the scran on offer in Revolution on Mitchell Street, site of the former 'superclub'. The newly refurbished building sells itself as a ‘vibrant cocktail bar and restaurant’ offering an eclectic mix of music including; Funk & Soul, Electro, Hip Hop and Indie.

So, when I tell The Mary it was music to her ears which obviously need de-waxed. She thought we were going out ‘for an Indian’ to a place with no stairs to hop down, thus saving her dodgy hip and baker’s cist from added discomfort.

How she came to that conclusion I don’t know!

FFS!

By the way, it's worth a trip to Revolution just to see the toilets. They are Magnificent!

However, they are downstairs she'll, no doubt, start reciting the MandatoryStandard 3.12 on Sanitary facilities which states; Every building must be…BLAH BLAH BLAH!

It’s not as if we’ll even be able to buy narcotics on the door to help her pain because that gap closed in 2014 when The Tunnel closed it’s liberal doors for the very last time.

This fantastic space has been transformed with an eclectic mix of old, contemporary, industrial and cosy spaces with pieces of Warhol-esque Art scattered around the walls. Although the brickwork is exposed and the ceilings are very high it has a serene feel and every angle had a different vibe.

We had Nachos to start and they were crisp and tasty with cheese sauce, guacamole, salsa, crème fraîche and Roquito peppers. As a starter, one portion was enough to share between the two of us, although, the greedy Harvers, who was with us, decided to have one all to himself then couldn’t finish his main course of Fish and Chips.

So, be warned. Revolution provides both quality and quantity.

The Mary and I ordered burgers and they were juicy, meaty patties of beef, caressed between delightfully light fluffy buns. We had no room for dessert and it was too late for coffee so I’m afraid we’ll be forced to go back and give it another visit.

We finished our evening by being escorted, by the very Gorgeous Nicole, (not off the premises like my previous visit to The Tunnel) but down to the new club area; and it is Fabulous. If I was younger and didn't have to be in bed by 10pm, it would definitely be my go to place. It has everything you could want; from an early evening drink which trails into dinner, dancing, then finishes off with a late supper.

They offer the whole shebang. Great food, cocktails, a wonderful selection of wines, gin, liquors, prosecco and champagne. The staff are all attractively edgy, lively and were very knowledgeable about the produce. Grace, our server was beautifully discreet and knew exactly when we needed her. I do hate a hoverer!

Even though our clubbing days are over, The Mary and I will always be, a wee bit, on the edge of the best things happening in Glasgow and this is one of the coolest venues for the new generation’s sophisticated tastes ‘Up That Glesca Toon!

See you the next time!

Me and The Mary!

Home from Dimora!

2018-08-09T06:15:00.000-07:00

Dimora!

When I said to The Mary we’re off to Dimora she hit out with;

“Wit dae ye mean? I thought we were going out tonight?

And…why are you talking wi’ an Italian accent?

‘Di Morra!’”

Dimora has a simple philosophy and aim to share their passion for food while offering a modern, authentic dining experience. Housed in a beautifully palatial property at 222 Ayr Road it’s easily accessible from town. We were welcomed by the gorgeous Carmen before being introduced to the very handsome Peppe. He's a charming man who oozes kindness and has an obvious passion for promoting unadulterated Italian food.

Peppe’s grandmother was from Capri and his Grandfather from Sorrento. Together they introduced him to the art of putting together complimentary flavours using the best available ingredients from the region of Campania on the Amalfi coast. I love this part of Italy and have spent many days exploring nearby villages and towns such as Sorrento, Positano, Sant’ Angello and Sant’ Agata.

Peppe suggested we have the Taster Menu and, to tell you the truth, it’s the most excited I’ve been since I was introduced to coffee in 1972!

First thing’s first and The Mary was foaming at the mouth for a Focaccia because she’d not had any for about 6 weeks. It’s been a lot longer for me and I’m not talking dough balls here but that’s another story and not for this forum. The focaccia was perfect. Half rock salt and Rosemary and the other garnished with fresh, vine tomatoes and basil. The Mary was truly nel paradiso della pizza bianca!

Outside of Capri, I hardly ever order a Caprese salad because often you’re hit with a blob of white rubber with tasteless, beef tomato. However, at Dimora, the mozzarella was juicy, succulent and full of milky magnificence; surrounded by six different colours of flavoursome tomatoes at varying levels of maturity. The dressing of olive oil was delicately scented with oregano, served on a base of tantalising, green leaves.

We were then served an original dish created by Peppe’s Nonna made with baked aubergine, mozzarella, tomato sauce, fried basil and, wait for it, a sprinkle of dark, bitter chocolate. It was magnificent. The Mary, actually, fainted and, when she came to, was making embarrassing sex noises.

Food like this is one of the reasons I don’t need a man in my life. It makes me happy, fills me with joy, I can pay to have it when and where I want and possibly, like some of the men I know, I don’t have to be faithful to one dish. At Dimora however I was a wee bit in love and might pledge my troth to be faithful forever more.

That’s how good the scran was.

We had a pasta dish with a sauce so delicious even my English degree doesn’t bequeath me with the ability to describe the taste.

Then the lamb nearly got me arrested because the only way I could describe it was - like biting into a new, born baby’s chubby cheek! When I said this to Carmen she looked both flattered and horrified at the same time. I think she might have been scared to come back to the table for a while and sent over the equally beautiful Courtney.

I was so overwhelmed by flavours, quality and variety I had to ask them to stop or I’d never have been able to drive home. Even the bread, baked on the day, was unbelievably tasty; made with lard, pecorino cheese, pancetta and salami.

Try to imagine it?

We finished off with a nibble, well a slice each, of ricotta, orange and chilli cheesecake and my absolute favourite, Italian Aroma Coffee!

That night I had erotic dreams of Amalfi which consisted of me, walking along the rugged coastline, wearing a dress made of sun-dried tomatoes and an aubergine and chocolate straw hat. As I strolled along the beach Gaetano, Stefano and Mauro (The three Musketeers from Dimora) were throwing pasta shells at me from all angles, guiding me through a path of anti-pasta, which let me back to the door of Dimora!

As we were leaving The Mary asked if they were 'up for they Italian Awards' I said I didn't know and asked what she would nominate them for to which she sighed?

"Awe the Awards, every, single, one of them!"

Ci Vediamo Presto because I know I only sampled a fraction what Dimora, my new home from home, has on offer!

Con Amore!

Me and The Mary

La Pulia ad Ovest

2018-07-31T12:15:00.001-07:00

Rossini

Last night I was transported back to Deliceto Foggia where my 19-year old self had her first plate of orecchiette. It was a new and exciting time for me and each day brought a new plate of deliciousness and a few extra grams around my middle.

Rossini in Hyndland Street makes the best plate of Pasta Pugliese I’ve tasted for a very long time. It had that homemade, fresh, aromatic olive oil finish you usually only get nella casa di nonna.

The owners Ester and Maurizio, who gave birth to the magical North Star Café, have grown up and matured into Restaurateurs and are ready to take a prime spot in the aggressively competitive West End of Glasgow.

I had the Orrecchiete Barese which is made with turnip tops, pecorino cheese and finished off with fresh chillies and extra virgin olive oil. My friend Natalia opted for the Pollo Ripieno with roast potatoes and heritage carrots.

The service was optimal and fulfilled anything a patron could wish. We felt welcome and cosy on a very dismal and wet Saturday evening. This dynamic duo, Ester and Maurizio, have a knack of making you feel special and satisfied. So no matter what your mood when you walk through the door you will leave with a sense of belonging and a wish to go back as soon as possible.

With a bill for two at under £40 I felt like Bonnie Parker having robbed a bank; happy, contented and ready for the next break. They also serve my very favourite coffee by Italian Aroma so I might well pop in soon to try the homemade Tiramisu with a cup of Arabica.

I predict having won Best Café at the Glasgow Awards and best Deli/café in the Scottish ItalianAwards 2015 they will be a certainty to, at least, sweep the boards and scoop Best Newcomer this year.

Auguri and ci vediamo presto!

Pane e Vino!

2018-06-14T11:06:00.000-07:00

Bread and Wine!

So, I said to The Mary we were going to Pane e Vino and she hits out with;

“Does that no mean Bread and wine?”

“Yes”,

I answered, almost politely

“But you don’t drink and don’t eat breid! Is this about your shirts no fittin’ ye again? FFS ye cannae sit and eat nothing and I’m no listenin’ tae ye moaning about yir fat belly again!”

She has a certain charm that’s almost undetectable to most people but it’s just as well I love her and can take it on the chin, belly, pride and spirit!

Pane e Vino is in Giffnock and run by the cheekily magnificent PiertoSarti who is the youngest son of Lucio who was the son in love of one of the founders of Fazzi’s in Glasgow. Along with his brother Sandro they keep Glasgow’s love of Authentic, Italian produce alive and offer a genuine experience of the real Italy. Rich in culture warmth, taste and smell, they stay true to what lovers of Italy expect and appreciate.

They’ve brought an honest, red-blooded, Italian, beating heart to the community in Giffnock and my heart is pounding at the thought of turning up with The Mary and them saying they don’t have focaccia. She’s not had any for about two months and is like a dug on heat.

It’s been a lot longer for me and it’s not a dough base I’m after. What I want usually comes with a tender ego which needs to be approved and stroked constantly. Men seem to need praise and approval of every effort they make; bit like a dug actually and I already have my wee Cicca.

When we arrive at Pane e Vino we are both immediately transported back to the 80s when we used to go to Fazzi’s on Clyde street for the weekly fix of cheese, pasta, bread and wine. In my opinion the Supermarkets destroyed this experience and while all the while selling inferior products. The smell fills with the essence of Italy and the atmosphere is charming.

The Mary asked me;

“What is it? A Deli? A Café? A Restaurant? A Coffee Shop?”

My reply was it was none of these but all of them at the same time. An eclectic mix of all of the above; giving a welcoming sense of belonging. You could pop in for a packet of Pasta and sit for a cup of my favourite Italian Aroma Coffee. Drop in for your favourite tipple and sample un bicchiere di vino if you can’t make up your mind which one to choose.

Unfortunately we’d arrived in the evening and the two main Pasta dishes they’d made much earlier in the day were long gone. Although disappointed, I do like the fact dishes are not quickly and simply prepared. We settled for Pollo alla Cacciatore. It was served with the most delicious roast potatoes done with garlic and rosemary.

Of course The Mary had to have garlic bread instead of Focaccia and was not too happy about that so I need to rectify this next week. Thing is, we’ve found many Italian places are closed on a Monday and it’s the only day she’s allowed out. So, if any of you out there wish to take on the 4 weans another evening in the week my job and her mood would improve immensely.

They also sell one of my favourite desserts Torta della Nonna but with my bludgeoning waistline I had to give it a miss.

Maybe next time!

And there will be another visit!

Take it easy!

Me and The Mary!

P.S. I actually think the Fabulously Gorgeous Natalia does most of the work but....

The Swan Inn

2018-06-07T13:04:00.000-07:00

Swanning Around

On Saturday night I felt like a Pidgeon beside the very beautiful Peacock Natalia, who is the manager in Pane e Vino in Giffnock.

These two burds are off to reccie, and maybe have a bite to eat at, The Swan in Eaglesham. There’s a beer festival on in the village and, although the place is normally jumping, it will be off the scale, staggeringly busy tonight.

The Swan Inn is a very well-known, bar and restaurant; formerly known as ‘The Village Pub’ it’s now so much more than and could be seen as the social, beating heart of the community, thanks to Marco Sarao and his team.

Having gone through a full and very stylish refurbishment in January 2017 it showcases the building’s original features and while giving the feel of a city centre bistro it more than manages a nod to village life with cosmopolitan panache!

When we arrive the place was already full and we feel like vultures honoured to have a shelf to perch on. The atmosphere is warm and inviting. Being a townie I was overwhelmed by the friendliness and way in which people immediately struck up a conversation. Sometimes in the city you’re almost invisible with people, including staff, seeming impervious to your presence; often to the point where they give you the brush off, making you feel like an outsider in your own environment.

Even although The Swan was packed like a chicken coop I felt part of something special. It has a homely feel and original pictures on the walls reinforces the essence of village life and community but with a modern, trendy feel. Because I had to leave for another appointment we only stayed about an hour so didn’t sample the fabulous food on offer but I’ll be back soon.

As we were leaving, the place was buzzing with a bevy of larks and there was a queue of chirpy, happy canaries waiting to get in and, just like this auld burd, a canary will sing your praises if it’s happy with its diet, environment and mood. Marco has them captured and the mob of crows cawing outside in the rain waiting to enter The Swan seemed as eager as a prostitute’s beaver!

That sounds rather rude but I can assure you all birds and animals are safe in the village!

When we got outside I remembered I’d left my car key on the shelf and when I went back for it there were 5 sets of keys next to them. That’s another thing about Eaglesham…
The natives are very friendly!

See you the next time!
GG
X

Please click this link to vote for Marco and his team in the Scottish Bar and Pub Awards!

Country Pub of the Year

Coming Of Age!

2018-06-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

Coming of Age!

I got married on The Mary’s 21^st birthday on 24^th March 1979!

I was living in Italy and missed my family and friends very much. My life had always been unconventional and my wedding was no different. None of my family were there and I was leaving Italy as soon as the wedding was over; without my husband but with my new name!

For nearly two years I had immersed myself in Italian culture, food and language with gusto and dedication to la mia nuova famiglia. At the age of 21 I returned to Glasgow on a mission to educate my Gorbals ‘village’ about good food and healthy eating. Going from the calmness and tranquillity of Deliceto back to the chaos of my home town created feelings of excitement and apprehension but it was exhilarating to be back all the same.

As soon as my mum set eyes on me she said;

“Oh hen, what’s happened to you? We need to get you sorted; you look like a wee, fat, married, tally wummin!”

Hitting the streets of Glasgow at nearly twelve and a half stone I began to think maybe the Mediterranean lifestyle hadn’t suit me after all. There’s nothing like an honest Glesca ‘telling off’ to bring you back to reality and give you incentive to bolt, like a rocket, towards a bowl of salad. Albeit iceberg and large, beefsteak, tasteless tomatoes with tinned, Heinz coleslaw and potato salad!

Deliceto click here to see the live Webcam!

Finding authentic Italian food in Glasgow nearly 40 years ago was limited and although they were very good; for the average punter they seemed quite posh, and a tad expensive. Even a trip to the local Chinese was viewed as a ‘treat’. Before I got married when I was asked on a date my places of choice were Rogano or L’Ariosto and I honestly don’t remember one dish I had in either of these places. Well maybe the oysters but to tell you the God’s honest, they gave me the boak, although I do love them now!

The choice of ‘Italian’ restaurants in Glasgow today are immeasurable and although you can find authentic, fresh cuisine, with a homemade essence, a lot of places have bastardised dishes out of recognition to please a popular, hipster, transient and contemporary audience of taste deprived, indifferent food photographers.

In fact, some of it fails to represents the roots of an Italian kitchen in any shape or form.

The best plates of Pasta in town are still,*** Eusebi’s, Sarti’s, La Lanterna, Mediterraneo, Tarantino, The Italian at Redstones (Uddingston) and, of course, Guy’s in merchant City.

In my humble Opinion of course!

Next week I’m hoping to add one to my list. Me and The Mary heading to the Scottish/Italian TwentyOne in Hamilton. Owned by Tony Almiento and his family. They are said to use the best, locally sourced, Scottish produce to prepare dishes with and Italian Flair. I like them already as they’re not claiming absolute, Italian aptitude and authenticity so it leaves room for displays of cosmopolitan panache! Billed on their website as being, modern and stylish with a relaxed atmosphere they profess to offer a very low key professional service.

This should suit me and The Mary to a tee because we both hate the pretentious, over attentive, patronising, bullshit we’re sometimes confronted with in corporate, deluded ‘diners’ and overrated ‘cafes’. What they lack in expertise and good food they try to make up for with uniforms and contrived ambience. All we are interested in is good food at an honest price with a bit of sincere service and a warm, friendly atmosphere.

I’ll let you know how it goes next week!

Glasgow City Council and the Scottish Government are pricing family owned businesses out of town and these are the places we love because they care about us, the customer. Staff are part of the family and they know how to make us feel welcome without pretension. Places like previously mentioned *** and I’ll add Kastriot’s in Baillieston as a great example this are good people, passionate about food, at a reasonable prices, who treat customers like friends and seem to actually want to see again.

The City is being taken over by corporate monstrosities who expect staff to behave like robots and stick to a script which is both impersonal and insults both the punter and the pallet, in equal measure. It’s getting to the point whereby food is secondary to the experience. We are now paying over the odds for dishes, such as toasted cheese, to simply update a photo to Instagram in order to say;

“Look where we are?

On the Rooftop of a concrete Lego structure!

Eating a snack!”

Let’s get a grip and make Glasgow’s food miles better again by supporting family owned, independent businesses and give power back to the individual before we are swamped and absorbed into a quagmire of tasteless, expensive appetisers which might diminish our reverence and reputation for good food once and for all!

In the end; what we accept is what we deserve!

See you the next time!

Me and The Mary

Tarantino's Glasgow

2018-05-27T03:31:00.000-07:00

Mary Tarantino!

I’m usually in control of bookings when going out for dinner but one of my friends surprised me last Thursday and took me to Tarantino Ristorante on the Lower East Side of the town.

However, The Mary was raging and it was like a scene from Pulp Fiction when I told her because she’d suggested this place weeks ago. Eventually, when she put down her chromed .45 Auto-Ordnance M1911A1, I explained it wasn’t opened on a Monday. So here we are, going out on a Tuesday.

Rock ’n Roll!

It’s turned out to be a delightful evening and has taken me back to my first pasta experience; Deliceto nella Provincia di Foggia in Puglia circa 1978. That dish, about 40 years ago, was orecchiette con le cime di rappe which is a rustic dish made with wild vegetables and freshly made pasta. It's a robust, staple, regional plate and can be adapted in so many different ways; with broccoli, green beans and fave. I like mine tossed in chillies and roasted garlic with fresh, virgin, olive oil waved over the plate just before serving!

We were greeted at Tarantino by Antonio, who was proper Italian with a hint of Greek but that’s just my opinion. I didn’t ask where he came from but as soon as he started talking to his Compadre I knew he was from Puglia. The accent is very distinctive accent and, when I speak Italian, people tend to know exactly where I've lived.

Tarantino is run by Giovanni Giglio, who is also the Head Chef and produces dishes which reflect the heritages and traditions of Southern Italy. Both Puglia and Sicily are vividly represented in the menu, the décor has a unique and authentic feel and I loved it!

We both ordered pasta. I had the same dish I’d had on my first visit and The Mary had Wild Boar meatballs with tomato and wild mushroom sauce and at £12.95 it was sunlight, shining in the window robbery!

Dishes are freshly prepared using the freshest and most authentic produce available from both local and Italian Suppliers. The Mary was In her element and trying not to interrupt her I said….

“Oh, sorry I don’t want to break your concentration but are you enjoying the pasta?”

She garbled through a meat ball:

“It’s OK, this is some serious Gourmet Shit! Pity they don’t have Focaccia!”

She's never happy that lassie but she does know a good quote when she hears it!

Ci Vediamo Presto!

Me and the Mary

#FATrophy!

2018-05-20T10:19:00.002-07:00

Tackling the Blubber!

Summer is here and with it the humiliation of trying on clothes from last year but this morning I saw #FATrophy trending on Twitter so thought The Mary should go for it!

Turns out it's to do with football and not an actual trophy for getting fat.

Do you hear that Guy?

After a lovely day in the garden I hopped into the shower before skipping to the wardrobe only to end up nearly jumping out of my expanded skin when faced with a room covered in white, bleached, cotton shirts which no longer covered my mid-life, midriff!

You see, my entire collection of apparel consists of black polos in the winter and white shirts in the summer; except for the odd occasion when I wear a dress or have a ‘formal’ then that’s about it. Lacklustre I know, but I try to make up for it with the odd bit of sparkle and great hair. I live and hope my fondness for accessories will make up for my lack of imagination on the clothes front.

The bible states;

“The generous will themselves be blessed, for they share their food with the poor“

Proverbs 22:9

Well, I’ll tell you this, I would have been sanctified if I’d shared even half my food with the deprived and not had such an excessive desire to stuff my mug. Had I placed my fervour and commitment towards helping others or even rocked up to the repellent gym, instead of filling my belly, I might not be in this shirty predicament.

Nevertheless, here I am, shirtless and might have to stay indoors for my fear of shopping and dislike of internet surfing!

This jam has made me realise; I’m usually eating, talking, or writing about food. It’s become an obsession and things have to change.

So, this blog is about tackling the blubber and I don’t mean all the crying I’ve done over split shirts but the actual, fat, pudgy, white, dimpled flesh I’m witnessing hanging around my ego. I have absolutely no clue what I weight though.

I might invest in one of those high tech, torture, weighing, gestapo contraptions. I judge the shape I'm in on a short, sharp, shirt fit!

When I went to pick up The Mary on our way to Guy's in Merchant City the first thing she said was;

“I feel like a fat Bastard and my jeans are hurting my Baker’s cyst.”

FFS!
We cannae even have an ailment that doesn’t involve food!

We decided, over a main course portion of pasta with meaty ragu and garlic bread that we need to do something about it. After plodding on through the main course and dessert we hadn’t decided on what route to take.
Suggestions were; we might go for a walk, but her knee is too sore. We also considered swimming but I’m getting physio for a shoulder injury and have become more dependent on my legs for keeping lively.

I injured my shoulder when walking me wee bitch Cicca who was too speedy for me and pulled my humeral head out of its glenoid right about where my clavicle meets the acromion of the scapula.

She’s 77 in dog years and still managed to pull me off my feet.

After a pregnant pause (well two fat belly breaks) we decided to, maybe, change the way we eat. The Mary suggested we use chopsticks as she’s no very good with them and that might slow us down but I’ve got Raynaud’s and my thumbs aren’t what they used to be.

We had another wee think about it over dessert and came up with a plan!

My Guy pal was talking about a thing called ‘Walking Football’ aimed at the ‘overs’ and we got very excited. The Mary laughed, reminding me of the fact I cannae run because I tend to pee myself with excitement, but that’s only when someone's chasing me.
The walky ball game outlaws running so pishing myself would not be an issue and with no physical contact allowed between players, we’re hee hawing to the pitch.

One problem we have is though you need 5 or six people on each side and there’s only the two of us so, for the next couple of weeks, we’ll meet for scran, make plans and to try to find the other 10 victims to introduce to the sport.

It sounds dead easy walking around and kicking a ball. Bit like golf with a bigger ball and no cue!

If anyone has any suggestions for two Fat Burds with bony ailments and bladder prolapse then feel free to leave a comment!

See you next time!

Me and The Mary!