Mooseguts

My Quiz - The Answer Key

2007-07-13T02:44:00.001-04:00

Q: What school did I graduate from?

A: Princeton - if you got this wrong, clearly we've never met

Q: Of how many names does my full name consist?

A: I claim the answer is 5, but some people have debated as to whether or not IV is a name or not. My full name is John Joseph Francis Fleming IV

Q: What do I consider to be the perfect movie?

A: The Princess Bride. I mean it's a story of true love and high adventure., it's got something for everyone no matter what your genderic tendencies

Q: What is my sibling situation?

A: 1 younger sister, 1 younger brother. I was glad to see my sister got this one right.

Q: What's my hometown

A: Oh tricky one. Hulmeville is the answer.

Q: What do I consider to be the best TV show?

A: Probably the hardest question on the test, I love all of the options and Lost is my favorite show that currently airs. But no media has illicited the emotion and general investment that I have in the story and characters as Carnivale did?

Q: I dislike

A: I adore muppets. My job is awesome. Picking at scabs doesn't bother me, but for those of you who used to read my blog a while back, you know that I truly hate Automatically flushing toilets. My diatribe on the subject can be found here. It's my largest bathroom pet peeve, the second largest being bathroom attendants.

Q: The thing that I think California does the worst compared to the east coast is?

A: While it's true the pizza sucks out here, the absolute worst thing is that I haven't gotten a really good sandwich out here. I had one from an italian deli the other day that was actually decent, but nothing matches the cold cut manipulating abilities of a true east coast guido.

Q: What is my favorite type of beer?

A: Hefeweizen. Hands down., I love that stuff. What's with all the people who said I.P.A, I can't remember the last time I had one of those. I considered having Lager on this list, but that would then include Yuengling, which is indeed the best beer ever, so I thought that would confuse things. In conclusion, best type of beer Hef, best individual beer Yuengling Lager.

Q: What is my greatest failing with the fairer sex?

A: I get caught in the friend zone...all the fricking time. Although after I made this quiz Iwas discussing some of my old relationships and I coined the phrase "Oblivious to the Obvious." That may really be the greater failing.

Q: To what song do I do my butt dance?

A: 50 cent - Disco Inferno. Sadly Gracie didn't take this test and she's probably the only one who would have known the answer to this question. Shake Shake that ass girl.

Q: What's my favorite type of liquor

A: Amaretto baby. Specifically Disaronno. I considered writing that, but I thought that writing a specific brand would give this away. A certain coMoose after he got this question wrong (He bought my first bottle of Disaronno:

CoMoose: not bourbon!?!

Me:
Disaronno
CoMoose: damn it
Me: i figured specifically naming the brand would give it away
CoMoose: i should never have bought thato ne
CoMoose: if only i had known that 3 years down the line, this was going to happen

Q: Who is my favorite author:

A: Douglaas Adams

Q: What is my favorite party theme

A: Anyone who went to Princeton with me should have gotten this, Jersey Trash. I'm literally the poster boy for Quad Jersey Trash.

Q: Which of these are my favorites?

A: Ah, those who know me as the Vatican Ninja were thrown. Corect answer is Pirates

Q: What is my favorite color?

A: Green.

Q: What is the most important thing to me about the next car I buy?

A: Convertible. I want to see the SUN!!!

Q: What do I consider to be my best physical feature?

A: The guns baby.

Q: What is my standard ringtone?

A: This was actually really hard, since my phone never rings, thus making it hard for people to know what the ringtone is. Erica none the less got this right. Send Me On My Way by Rusted Root. Look it up.

Q: What is the dominant aspect of my sense of humor?

A: Randomness. Blame Douglas Adams for that. Apparently other people disagree.

Q: For which artist do I own the largest number of songs?

A: Tim McGraw 96 songs. And I think he just put out a new cd...

All I wanna do is let it be and be with you and watch the wind blow by.

Visit Australia. Experience Sarcasm.

2007-06-29T14:42:00.000-04:00

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors.
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials.
__________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks(Sweden)?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville and Hervey Bay?(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in themiddle of the Pacific which does
not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out
of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You
can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go
out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population

is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
_________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I

dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)>
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

100 Questions

2007-05-21T17:36:00.001-04:00

SIMPLE QUESTIONS:
1. Full name: John Joseph Francis Fleming IV
2. Nicknames: Jack, JackJohn, JJ, Boot, Jackie, Fleming, Flemdog, Johnny Boy
3. Shoe size: 11
4. Height. 5’10”
5. hair color: Brown
7. Do you like to sing in the shower? No, in the car
8. What's 6x7? The answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything
9. Birthday: 04/23/1983
10. Sign: Taurus
11. Boxers or briefs? Boxers
12. Sane? Mostly
13. Righty or lefty:Righty
14. What do you want in a relationship most: Banter (I think good banter is a product of so many other things in a relationship)
15. Have you ever cheated? Negative
16. Marital status: Single
17. Do you have a car? The mini-micro-machine
18. What kinda car do you have? Hyundai Accent
19. Favorite Movie: The Princess Bride
20. Food: After much thought, Hoagies
26. Book: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
27. TV show: Lost
28. Disney Character: Goofy
29. Color: Green
30. Do you plan on having kids? Yes
33. Get married? Yes
34. Would you have kids before marriage? No
35. Do you have a b/f or g/f?: Didn't you already ask about marital status? That would make the answer no.
37. Do you have a crush: Multiple
38. Music or TV: Music
39. Guys/Girls: Girls
40. Green/Blue: Green
41. Pink/Purple: Pink
42. Summer/Winter: Summer
43. Day/Night: Day
44. Hanging Out/Chillin: Hanging Out
45. Dopey/Funny: Funny
46. insane/sane: Insane
47. What school do you go to? Been there done that.
49. What's a major turn on for you? Sass

FRIENDS:
50. Who Are They? College Friends, wrestlers et al, church people, and Sports and Social Club people
52. Nicest: Katie K (Nobody else has sent me cookies)
53. Whats something special about you: I dissect everything people say.
54. Tallest: Justin?
55. Best personality: I can't decide
56. Which people do you trust and are open with the most? Joanna
57. Do you believe in soul mates??? Yes.
58. Is it right to flirt if you have a bf or gf? Well since my 'flirting' is being myself and being nice, I'll say yes.
59. What was the last thing you cried over or got teary about? Charlie writing that the most important event of his life was meeting Claire as he was about to give up his life to have her and her baby rescued of the island...on Lost.
60. What's something about guys/girls you don't get: How to tell if they like me.
MORE FAVORITE QUESTIONS:
63. Love or Lust: Love
64. Silver or gold: White gold
65. Diamond or pearl: Diamond
66. Sunset or sunrise: Depends on the cost, Sunrise on the east, Sunset on the west. Whichever one has the sun over the water.
64. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? Yes...in a water hazard.
65. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: No, unless cuddle pillows count as stuffed animals.
66. Do you have any piercings: No
68. What song are u listening to right now?: The Blower's Daughter - Damian Rice

69. Whats the last 4 digits of your phone home: 6219
70. Where would you want to go on your honey moon: Used to say Disney World, but now I'd probably say Australia or Italy or Hawaii or somewhere I haven't ever been.

71. Who would you want to spend the rest of your life with? I don't know yet.
72. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: Hair and smile.
74. What makes you happy?: Being social.
75. What's the next cd/s you're gonna get? The new Maroon 5 maybe?
76. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Both
77. What's the best advice given to you?: "You can sit there by yourself and feel sorry for yourself and have a pity party and eat ice cream and cookies, but at some point you're going to run out of sweatpants." Or something like that, I forget her exact words, I'm pretty sure they were better than what I just wrote though.
78. Have you ever won any special awards? Yeah lots. Mostly in High School for wrestling and academic crap.
79. What are your goals in life?: Fulfill my purpose, have a solid job, a good wife, and awesome children.
80. What color is your toothbrush?:White
81. Funny or scary movies?: Funny
82. On the phone or in person?: In person
83. Hugs or kisses? Kisses
84. What song seems to reflect you the most? Simple Man - Skynard
85. If you died tomorrow who would you leave everything you own to? My parents
86. Do you have any enemies?: None that I'm aware of.
87. What color are your nails: Clear
88. Would you rather be rich or famous? Rich
90. What's the weirdest thing you've heard/found out about someone: That the first girl I ever kissed (when I was 6) got married when she was like 18 and that the first girl I ever dated got married like a year ago.
91. Have you ever met Santa? Yes
92. If E.T. knocked on your door holding up a peace sign and asked you to use your phone what would you do? Let him use my phone

93. When did you last talk to the person that you had a crush on? I think I've communicated with all of them in the past 15 days.
94. Do you have any pets? :( No
95. Whats the temperature outside: Like 70 degrees I think
96. Last time you were stressed: April 20th, 2005

97. Are you an alcoholic? No
98. Who sent this to you? Andy Pinto
99. What do you think of this person? He's an alright dude.
100.Do you want your friends to write back? Yes!

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time

Annual Review

2007-05-19T14:26:00.001-04:00

Recently for work I had my first annual review. I sat down with my boss to discuss the past year as well as the upcoming years. To prepare for this my boss asked me to come up with your standard "Where do you see yourself in 1, 5, 10 years." I figured I'd share that with the general populace, as well as adding on where I see my personal life in that time span.

One Year - 2008

Professional

Still here in Southern California. I want to have a more robust knowledge of exactly how the program works. There are still some things that I muddle through and I’d like to have a firmer understanding of exactly what I’m doing. I’d like to have more experience with the initial meetings with clients, before they’ve decided to actually choose to use our program. Pretty much every client that I’ve met with so far have been those that have already signed contracts with us, other that Santa Barbara and even they were already using our old system. I’d also like my knowledge of the accounting side to improve. I’ve learned a lot about accounting, but I still don’t ‘really feel comfortable fixing problems and providing programming solutions to things that come up on the accounting side.

Personal

Obviously my professional life has a big impact here, as in order to still be here in SoCal to work, I must also be here to live. By this time next year I should be living more towards the beach, either in Huntington Beach, Newport Beach, or perhaps the slightly less glamorous Costa Mesa. I'd probably like to be in some sort of relationship, but as I've shown in the past I have very a very low tolerance for non-functioning relationships, so I certainly won't be bending my standards merely so that in a year I can say that I'm in one. In the past years I've established some solid friends. I think my primary goal regarding friendships is concerned is to see the relationships I have deepen a little bit. I could probably use a few more friends, specifically with people my own age, but I'm pretty satisfied with the number I have now, so my focus will be on improving the quality of my current friendships rather than the quantity.

Five Years - 2012

Professional

As of right now I guess I would still see myself as being with Panoramic in 5 years and growing with the company. I know that the company’s goal is expanding and becoming a larger both geographically and philosophically and I’d like to be a part of that. I really like the work that I do and being part of a growing company is always exciting. If we expand to other states (especially the east coast) I would likely be happy to really help with that. I also would like with helping acclimate new employees to our company and culture.

Personal

My personal life again is highly contingent on my professional life. But in five years I'd really like to be in a position to start the process of settling down. Not necessarily settle with roots set, but in a position to start doing so. In other words I'd like to have a good idea of where my life is going. Right now I have so many avenues available to me that my future is extremely foggy. In 5 years I know I still wont' know exactly where this ride of life is taking me, but I'd like to know if I'm heading east or west. As far as relationships are concerned I'd like to be in a serious relationship by then. Again not necessarily fully committed, but I'd like to be in a relationship that has been at least 1 or 2 years along, with an eye on the future. My friendships should hopefully be well established by then. Through most of my life I've had a fairly high amount of turnover regarding friends. Not really having any fallouts with people, but a lot of people that I become really good friends with and then just sort of fade away. Hopefully in the next 5 years there will be less of that.

Ten Years - 2017

Professional

This far out is extremely foggy to me. It’s weird for me to try to think of a time that is farther away than my high school graduation was. So much has changed for me in the past 6 years as far as where I thought I’d be. Even the amount that’s changed in the past 2 years I find to be fairly astounding. By 10 years from now I do hope to be more settled in my life, definitely with a much more permanent residency than what I have right now. I could still see myself with Panoramic, but there are certainly other things that I have inklings to do, perhaps attending some sort of grad school and getting a more advanced degree.

Personal

Like I said with professional, this is so far off that it almost hurts to think about. I know that I'll basically be a completely different person with a completely different life at this point. By 2017, I'd plan on being married, likely with a child if not already in existence, on the way in the near future. I'd probably be owning my own home by this point and really have my roots settled in and really taking hold. Essentially, 10 years from now I want as many things in my life to be stable and determined as possible. I know this is probably a pipe dream, but that's why this is "Where I'd Like to Be in 10 Years," not, "I Know My Life is Going to Be This Way in 10 Years Because I'm Magic"

Code monkey like Frittos
Code monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart
Code monkey like you

Intellectual Catholicism

2007-05-15T12:21:00.001-04:00

I'll probably cover this topic in more depth and with a much more personal tone at a later point as I continue to go over the religious journey that I went through in my life. Suffice to say that for much of my journey one of the major themes was trying to justify my Catholic self to my intellectual self. Those things always seemed to be in great conflict and almost seemed mutually exclusive to me. Through the influence of several very intelligent Catholics I was able to overcome this conflict, but that is a story for a later time. Really I just wanted to share this quote from Stephen Colbert, the actual person, not the persona he plays on TV.

I love my Church, and I'm a Catholic who was raised by intellectuals, who were very devout. I was raised to believe that you could question the Church and still be a Catholic. What is worthy of satire is the misuse of religion for destructive or political gains. That's totally different from the Word, the blood, the body and the Christ. His kingdom is not of this earth.

This quote really resonates with me and it in someway helps to sum up how I was eventually able to deal with being both an Intellectual and a Catholic. I feel like if I had heard this quote when I was trying to deal with the issue it would have helped me a lot. As it stands it just helps to reaffirm my current position and feelings with regards to the Church and even religion as a whole. All and all I think this is a very poignant and insightful quote.

I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

To Be in a Heist and To Own a Monkey

2007-05-09T03:22:00.001-04:00

So I had heard mentions of this Kevin Costner movie that's coming out called Mr. Smith. I really hadn't heard much about it, considering that KC hasn't made a good film since, well, let's just say Field of Dreams was his last good movie. He might have been in something better since then, but quite frankly I don't have the energy to go look him up on IMDB considering I just spent 20 minutes finding a Dane Cook reference that could be the title of this post. Anyway, you get the point, it's been a while since Costner has done anything that doesn't end up in the $2 movie bin at Walmart next to From Justin to Kelly.

Kevin Costner's failure's aside, I happened to catch the full trailer for this movie and noticed that Dane Cook is trying to pull off a serious role here (Ah, and now you all understand why I referenced him in the title). I was rather baffled by this development. Now it's been somewhat of a tradition in recent years for actors who we love as comedians trying to take on more serious fare. This has always saddened me, Robin Williams, Jim Carry, Adam Sandler, and even Will Ferrell started to make a move towards dramatic rolls with Stranger Than Fiction. I'm sure Steve Carrell will follow suit in no less than 3 years. Anyway, thing thing that I was so abashed by was the fact that Dane Cook has yet to have any success in any comedic acting roll. Williams,Carry, Sandler, Ferrell have already been major movie stars in the comedy world and they segued over to drama by slowing slipping in more and more drama into their otherwise humoristic undertakings. They proved themselves first.

Granted Dane Cook is a huge success when it comes to stand-up comedy. His CDs have made more money than pretty much any other comedy CD in history, but as far as acting is concerned he's been a downright failure. I can only remember him having a more than tertiary role in two movies, Waiting and Employee of the Month, both of which bombed and are in the process of forever disappearing from our collective consciousness. So first of all, why did he get picked to play this part, since he hasn't really shown any real talent for acting. Also, why did he choose to take this role? I'd really think that he'd want to build up his acting chops in the comedic world, where he might feel a little more familiar before tackling a thriller. I guess the answer lies in the fact that it's likely a crappy movie. As for why Dane Cook's doing it, my only guess is the money.

Woh, that post was way longer than I had planned. I was originally planning on writing something like: "Hey, Dane Cook has a major part in a dramatic film, weird."

I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty

This Week in Threadless - Chartfest

2007-05-07T13:13:00.001-04:00

Threadless posted two awesome shirts this week. Not to say that the others they posted were not quite good as well, but these two in particular really struck me. It's probably because I'm a huge statistics nerd and anything that involves a chart instantly gets my barracudas swimming.

The first is a Pie Chart of the percentages of pies. It's so damn literal

Pie Chart by Graham Dobson

The second is a graph of money vs. problems, highlighting the theory once postulated by the great philosopher Biggie Smalls that More Money, More Problems. I find it interesting that the relationship is apparently linear rather than exponential or logarithmic. I think it's important to not that this graph only shows that a relationship does exist, not necessarily that there is a causational relationship. Further studies must be done to establish the true nature of the relationship.

Biggie Was Right by Graham Shephard

I'd have to say that of the two, I prefer the latter, because it takes a piece of hip hop culture and nerdizes it. I love it when people do that.

If I told you you were right
Would you take my hand tonight?
If I told you the reasons why
Would you leave your life and ride?
And ride…

The Sound of Pulling Heaven Down

2007-04-30T16:32:00.001-04:00

I just bought 2 orchestra level tickets to see Blue October and the Plain White T's at the Pacific Amphitheater in Costa Mesa towards the later portion of July. I now have awesome things to look forward at the end of May (Reunions), June (Possibly Vegas trip with Pang to see Hawrilenko), and July (Blue October/Plain White T's). Now I just need to figure out who would want to utilize my second ticket... I thought about buying Skynyrd tickets, since they are playing there 4 days after Blue October, but I'm quite satisfied to listen to Skynyrd through my computer. From what I hear the emotional power of Blue October's songs is dramatically amplified in person, although it probably would have been easier to find someone to see Skynyrd.

I only want you to see my favorite part of me
And not my ugly side and not my ugly side

Princeton Reunions Countdown

2007-04-30T13:09:00.000-04:00

Create yours at BlingyBlob.com!

My Simple Kind of Man

2007-04-30T00:54:00.001-04:00

I don't know if everyone has this, but I have a song that I sort of identify my life with. It almost perfectly describes the way that I prefer to live my life and the sort of basic guiding philosophies that I think about and how I judge many of my decisions. The song is "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. The basic premise of the song is stated, quite fittingly, simply in the title. It is the idea that one should live their life as simply as possible. Now simply is not meant in the same way that one might say that the Amish live simply. I take it always to mean without excessive complications of lies, deceit, crazy people, and anything else that causes you to unnaturally and difficultly balance a large number of things. It means to live your life with the pursuit of being happy and satisfied with who you are rather than pursuing the false goals of money and power.

I considered breaking the song down verse by verse, but the song takes it's own philosophy so well that the lyrics basically interpret themselves. I first heard this song during some sort of wrestling documentary. As I recall an Iowa wrestler was playing it on his guitar as they showed some clips. I remember being struck be the chords and the general sound of the song. I looked it up and began listening to the song and immediately identified with it. The way of living your life just struck a chord with me and it was one of those things that sort of stated and clarified some of my own personal thoughts and philosophies. The idea of not living life too fast and taking things as they come. Letting the problems come, not worrying about them, and getting past them and not letting them bother and destroy your life.

I guess I'll go over some of the more poignant lines that really speak to me. "Be something you love and understand." This is something that I'm not sure a lot of people do and I personally thing that it's part of the reason that so many people are depressed and unhappy in this world. People too often are obsessed with how other people see them or other extrinsic things. So they hate the people that they come because they're being what they think other people want from them and may even curb their own beliefs and morals in order to achieve those things that they think others will respect them for. Being a simple kind of man. In the end I try to be someone that I love and someone that I can understand, regardless of what others think. As long as I can look myself in the mirror and be proud of the way that I live my life, than I think my life will be happy and fulfilled. I think this idea is punctuated by the penultimate verse. "Forget your lust for the rich man's gold. All that you need is in your soul." Too often we let our pursuits for riches and success interfere with our true happiness. While I certainly place a large amount of value on being successful, I find that the success is tainted when it is achieved through ill means or by doing something that will ultimately make you happy.

I think the advice in the last verse further illuminates these concepts. "Boy don't you worry, you'll find yourself." A line that expresses the fact that if you keep these things simple your journey through life will still likely be a rocky one, but you'll eventually find who you are and be able to be true to who you are. "Follow your heart and nothing else." Again the point of being true to yourself leading you to your eventually true happiness and satisfaction is pointed out.

This song has meant a lot to me since I've heard it. It's one of those songs that when I've lost my way I'll hear it and I'll remember who I am and who the person is that I long to be and I begin working on closing that distance again. It's one of those songs that creates an are of wist (I think I just made that word up) around me.

All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

My Church as a Child

2007-04-28T02:50:00.001-04:00

(Ed: I found out that people actually read this. When I write these posts I usually just write them straight as I think and post them without doing any sort of editing or proofreading. I just did a quick proofread and corrected some critical errors. There's still probably some mistakes in here, but it should be much more readable now)

So one of the major things that I wanted to write about when I started this My Rip Off of Scrubs series of posts was religion. I find my religious journey and the epiphanies I've had along the way to be quite interesting. Well, interesting to me anyway. Also, it's not something I've ever talked about much and I suppose the things I will write about here should help explain why. I will tell this tale where most stories begin, the beginning.

I vaguely remember going to church when I was little. My mom and I would go every Sunday. My dad never came, I never really got the explanation of why, that's just the way it was and I accepted it as fact. To me the idea that fathers didn't go to mass was just the way it was and somewhere deep inside of me I think this ingrained in me that the religious aspects of a child's life are the woman's responsibility. Not that I fully believe this, but in some part of my heart I know that if I have some sort of disagreement on the religious aspects of my future child's life, I will fairly easily concede to my future wife. In any case, I remember always wanting to be up front. I don't think this was due to any sort of religious enthusiasm, I think I just liked to be at the front of things. I liked being as close as possibility to whatever was going on, be it class, church, etc.

I also remember really enjoying the singing part. I think that was the only aspect that really got me enthused. And I wasn't shy, I didn't hold back at all. I sang as loud and as enthusiastically as possible. I did this until one day I started noticing other people glancing at me while I was singing. It was the sort of looks that make you sort of realize that people are judging you and that you're doing something that, perhaps, you should feel shameful about. I can almost remember the exact moment of that realization and the horror with which I was filled. When I think about it I can't help but think of Adam and Eve and the fact that of their first actions after taking that infamous bite of that apple was to cover themselves. To cover their shame. I felt like I had just eaten an apple from the tree of life and suddenly I felt the need to cover my shame. I didn't sing for years after that and even when I did start singing again it was always quite enough that the person standing next to me would barely be able to hear.

These are really the only things that I remember about church as a child. I'm pretty sure that any sort of message was completely lost to me. To me, church was a place I dressed up to go to every Sunday with my mother, sit in the front row, be bored and sing. And then of course it became the place I dressed up to go to every Sunday with my mother, sit in the front row, be bored, and be too ashamed to sing.

Make you to shine like the sun
And hold you in the plam of his hand.

Poodles or Sheep?

2007-04-26T15:00:00.001-04:00

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=263297

Apparently as many as 2000 Japanese have been swindled by a company called "Poodles for Pets" and when they purchased poodles from said company they were given sheep instead. Most of them did not however noticed that they had been fleeced for some time. It took some celebrity's realization that their "dog" was not parking to shed some light on this woolen situation. My favorite part is this:

One couple said they became suspicious when they took their "dog" to have its claws trimmed and were told it had hooves.

Oh those crazy Japanese

I asked you to go to the Green Day concert
You said you never heard of them

Pearl the Landlord

2007-04-19T03:10:00.001-04:00

Funniest thing on the internet since Dick in a Box.

My Self-Exploration

2007-04-18T15:41:00.000-04:00

Since the inception of this blog 185 posts ago, the tone and the type of writing has evolved and changed several times. Between periods of jocularity and documentation of absurd conversations to rants about minor things that nobody seems to want to talk about to highlighting interesting points to documenting absurd stories and events in my life to highlighting old posts to academic insight and to, most recently, highlighting superficial things I discover on the internet. Today I start a new series of posts. I will call it My Series. For all of the post titles I plan on stealing the Scrubs titling style of calling them "My ________." This is largely due to the fact that I see the series as being my personal version of the way the Scrubs story is told. To me the best episodes of the shows are the ones that are truly deep and meaningful to the main character, those where the events in the episode highlight a specific belief or way of living for him and that is somewhat the format that I plan on using for these posts.

My move to California and several events that have happened out here as well as the large amount of time I spend running has caused me to recently experience a large amount of self-reflection. A sort of reminiscence of how I got to where I am today. Not just in the sense of where I am as far as location, job placement, and various other accomplishments. But where my current belief structure and the way I generally live my life has come from. This goes far deeper than any surface accomplishments I have made as these principles have generally guided nearly every decision I have ever made and I've recently spotted a number of events to be of particular note in either developing my entire sense of self or illuminating a specific aspect of myself or simply being events that I think are represents things that are essential to who I am as a person. This is likely to get very deep and will function as a very large window too my soul. I don't necessarily do this for any sort of voyeuristic thing or that I think people really want to know this about me. I do it because it seems like a wonderful writing exercise and I'm excited about exploring these ideas and I've always found that my thoughts are most firmly constructed and concrete when I am writing them. My blog is probably the greatest form of self-expression that I have and is the closest thing I'll ever have to creating any sort of art. Not that I think that anything I write is worthy of being considered to be art. I just mean as a form of self expression and means of conveying things inside of me to the outside world. Even if nobody reads it.

In any case, this was a rather long post just to explain what I'm about to do to the 2 people who will ever read any of this. I think I really just needed to write this out to focus myself and determine exactly what I plan on doing with this project.

I still don't have a reason
And you don't have the time.

Free Cone Day!!!

2007-04-17T16:15:00.000-04:00

Today is free cone day at Ben and Jerry's. Go to any participating Ben and Jerry's scoop shop and receive free ice cream. I think I'm be trying out Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream

http://www.benjerry.com/index.htm

This reminds me of being back in Philly and getting free Rita's Water Ice on the first day of spring. One year, my mom and I spent an entire day going around to all of the Rita's in the area receiving free water ices. I think we went to a total of 8 different stores for a total of 16 water ices.

MMMMMmmmmm, Rita's.

It's undeniable, how brilliant you are
In an unreliable world, you shine like a star

Even Harder to Be Green Than We Thought

2007-03-28T20:59:00.001-04:00

I think part of my childhood just died.

No Stone Throwing Regardless of Housing Situation

2007-03-23T18:20:00.000-04:00

Ever since Mitch Hedberg passed away there has been a hole in my heart regarding stand-up comics. Sure, I find other comedians humorous. There's Jim Gaffigan and that guy with the puppets. Dan Cook is probably one of the most popular right now and while I do enjoy his comedic styles it can get a little bit old. No, in my heart of hearts there has not been a contender to take Mitch's place for a long time. Now rises a new comedic star to whom I'm attempted to give my comedic adoration. His name is Demetri Martin. I first saw him on the Daily Show as a correspondant with his piece Trendspotting. Of particular note was his piece on Myspace and Social Networking. I found him entertaining, but not really anything outstanding compared to the satirical deliciousness of the daily show. Then I saw his stand-up special, which really hit home for me. He combined many of my great loves, he has a similar style to Mitch (in reality I suppose both comedians are really derivatives of Steven Wright [I probably spelled that wrong but I'm tired of looking stuff up]). Demetri also throws in charts and graphs for a segment of his comedy, which anyone who knows me knows that I'm a sucker for statistics and graphs...even if they are completely made up. He also does a variety of other things that are quite different from your stand-up comedy fair. All and all I find him to be totally hilarious and irreverant.

But when you think: Tim McGraw,
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long:
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness,
I hope you think: "That little black dress"
Think of my head on your chest,
An' my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw,
I hope you think of me

Seduction Style Quiz

2007-03-22T18:36:00.000-04:00

ADORABLE!

2007-03-22T13:03:00.001-04:00

Steak & BJ Day

2007-03-15T13:22:00.000-04:00

For those of you who are unaware, yesterday was Steak and BJ day. The male equivalent to Valentine's Day. I believe the proper means of celebrating said holiday are pretty self-explanatory so I won't go into those details. Instead I'll tell you how I celebrated the day, given my currently single status. For lunch I went to the Greek Cafe and had a steak kabob. I then purchased a cut of filet mignon, marinated it in 2 tbs of soy sauce, 1 tbs of honey, and 1 minced clove of garlic. Come dinner time I threw that on the George Foreman grill for a few minutes and made up a side of mashed potatoes. I then busted out a bottle of Smoking Loon Merlot. I ate my steak and drank the entire bottle of Merlot while watching "The Outlaw Josie Wales," a classic western starring Clint Eastwood. My favorite line in which was when he and his compatriot were debating if they should bury the two men they just killed, to which Clint responds "Buzzards gotta eat same as worms." Badass. Anyway, I think this was the first time that I sat around and drank by myself in California. I have to say it wasn't so bad. I think the fact that I started drinking while I was eating dinner greatly lessened the feeling of being an alcoholic. Another interesting note is that last night's episode of South Park featured Cartman putting Butters' penis in his mouth and taking a picture of it (Please don't ask me to explain further, just watch the episode and it'll make some sort of South Parkian sense). I wonder if it was just a coincidence that this episode aired on Steak & BJ Day.

I hear in my mind
All of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind
All of this music
And it breaks my heart

Running: The Canyon

2007-03-13T01:19:00.000-04:00

I hit up a new route today. Most of it is the same as my standard route, but I did a slight diversion down a Canyon. It was pretty cool. I have to say that that run was rather anticlimatic compared to the run in Newport on Saturday. I suppose that the lack of bikini clad ladies had something to do with that. I got a nice lift in yesterday and if I get another one in tomorrow than I may dare to declare myself officially back on track when it comes to lifting. I've been pretty strict on myself as far as running, mostly because I really enjoy doing that. It's a good way to enjoy the lovely California climate.

I'm sorry for what I did.
I did what my body told me to.
I didn't mean to do you harm.

Running: Newport Beach

2007-03-10T22:17:00.000-05:00

So I had planned to do a new run by my house, but instead decided to drive down to Newport Beach and go for a run along the ocean. Here's the route. I didn't have a watch on, but I think it took me about 70 minutes. I'm not exactly proud of 10 minute miles, but I wasn't exactly going for speed. I'm pretty sure this is the longests run I've done since I went to J. Robinson's Intensive Wrestling Camp before my senior year in high school. (Read Hell) That run was 12 miles I believe. I felt really good about the run as I was doing it. I definitley could have done at least another 4 miles without much trouble. It was a much more fun run than what I've been used to. There were a lot of people along the run, so it was cool to see them. I had one girl try to sell my girl scout cookies and some other kids try to sell me lemonade. Apparently they aren't choosy sales people since I wasn't exactly a high percentage candidate considering I didn't even have a shirt on let alone pockets in which I could be carrying money. Stupid entrepreneurial ankle biters.

So, when they tap our mundane heads,
To zombie-walk in our stead,
This town seems hardly worth our time,
And we'll no longer memorize or rhyme,
Too far along in our climb,
Stepping over what now towers to the sky,
With no connection.

Running: The Standard Route

2007-03-10T16:22:00.000-05:00

Due to Dan and Jordan's posting of thier training, I feel compelled to post my workouts as well now. I guess it's mostly because it's saturday afternoon and I have nothing to do while my chicken and dumplings are cooking for the next 5 hours in my crock pot. In any case, most of the time I pretty much do the same workout every day. This is the route. If it's a weekday and I don't have to travel somewhere, it's likely that I'm running this route sometime between 11 and 2. Great now you all know enough about my daily routine to have my kidnapped. I'm going to try a new route now. I'll post about how it goes when I return.

Cavemen the TV Series

2007-03-02T05:12:00.000-05:00

I just felt like this was something I needed to share...they're making a tv show out of the Geico Cavemen commercials. I'm not really sure how to react to this. On one hand it seems so strange and for some reason unclean and wrong for this to be happening. On the other hand the writing and humor of those adds is very original and funny, so this just may be what the lackluster (with the exception of How I Met Your Mother, the greatest sitcom of all time) line-up of sitcoms currently on the market really needs. I think what generally impresses me the most about those adds is that they take something that could easily be very gimmicky and pander to the lowest common denominator and they go a more "smart" angle and avoid the cheap laughs.

Be a simple kind of man
Be a something, you love and understand

Valentine's Day Manifesto Reprise

2007-02-13T13:45:00.000-05:00

It's become something of a tradition for me to post my Valentine's Day Manifesto, which I wrote two years ago during my senior year in college. I sent this email out to quad (my eating club), which consists of both male and female members. If you would prefer to maintain some semblence of a perception of masculinity of me, I would suggest skipping this post and instead think about the fact that this weekend I went to a BBQ ribs restaurant where I used white bread as napkins. If you would like a look into my sentimental side or otherwise need to be cheered up on Valenentine's Day, read on. I got a lot of positive response from womenfolk who were not happy on Valentine's Day regarding this email. Apparently I say something right. I actually think this email really changed my personal perspective on life and love, so I consider it to be one of the most important things I've ever written. I generally perceive life in a much more positive light and feel that I'm a much kinder person as a result of the personal revelations I had while writing this. Most changes to the original manifest are marked in red.

So here it is, I bear my soul for all to see.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey all,

As I walked back to my room from Quad, I began to reflect on the number of people I've heard hate on Valentine's Day over the years. Things like the fact that it's a Hallmark Holiday (I'd like to point out that while Valentine's day, like all of our holidays, has become highly commercialized, unlike true Hallmark holidays such as Mother's Day and Father's day, Valentine's Day has it's roots in the Roman Empire and has been celebrated for centuries. Thus it is merely a true holiday that in some ways has been hijacked by Hallmark much in the same way that Christmas has been hijacked by Best Buy), the fact that they're alone, or just a general distaste for sweetness and lovely dovey holiday cheer are all reasons that people have disliked this tribute to St. Valentine. I could never understand this viewpoint. I've been single for 20/21 of my Valentine's Day [ed: if we include this year i'm now 1/22 on having a girlfriend on Valentine's day and 0/22 on obtaining a Valentine's Day kiss] and I've never felt that that was a reason to turn it into a day of mourning and wallowing.

Warning: this is where Jack's sappy sentimental side comes out.

I've realized that my difference of opinion on the day lies not in the situation that I'm in on Valentine's day, because I'm almost always single (including at this moment ladies ;)), but rather my belief of what the purpose of Valentine's Day is. I've always taken it, to be more than just a day to dote on a fair lass, but as a day to celebrate all the love you experience in your life. From the love of your family, the love you experience in friendship, the love that exists in the Quad family, and the love that exists between mankind. Sure there's discord in families, there're quarrels in friendships, there are some people who hate on Quad, and their is hate between mankind too, but today is a day that you look past all that and focus on the good. That's why I think we need Valentine's day and why I believe it should be celebrated. Today is a day in which we focus on the good that we experience in life because of those we care about, those we love, and those who have done us good in the past. I love Valentine's day because I love being reminded about how much people care about me. It can get me out of a funk and reminds me that while sometimes I may feel alone, in reality I never am and neither are you. At this University and in the world in general it can be so easy to get lost in some of the miserable things that can bog us down. From being turned down by somebody you care about to the work that we have to do everyday to some of the horrible things that happen in the world. Valentine's Day is a day you should use to reflect on those things that do go right, because no matter how lonely you are and how much people may not seem to care, there's always someone out there who loves and cares for you, and today you focus on those people.

So, to celebrate Valentine's Day, show those people who love and care for you how much you appreciate them. You don't necessarily need to buy them flowers, chocolates, or bottles of crush soda, just tell them. Catch them at dinner, call them, fire off an email, just let them know what they mean to you. I guarantee you that they will appreciate it and it'll make you feel better about yourself too. Apologize to someone you may have hurt, forgive someone who has scorned you, make someone else feel special today, cheer up a lonely heart, let people know that you care. Valentine's Day is a happy day. Let it show.
And if you're feeling really down and lonely roll into Quad and remember the family you have there :).

First thing I'm doing when I wake up on Valentine's Day, calling Momma.
Sorry if I made anyone vomit (or vom as Erica would say) as a result of this email.
I love you guys,

-Jack

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In any case I post this every year because I figure that if it brightens even one persons day taht it's totally worth any mocking that I receive. Have a very Happy Valentine's Day and if you really need a valentine, you should know that I'm a valentine whore.

I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking
Thats when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me...