If I were just choosing the greatest real heroes who were commemorated in movies, this list probably would go in a different direction. Rather, I chose to list the best characters – because of the story, the circumstances and the actors – who played heroic roles in war movies.

   I decided to stick to real conflicts, as opposed to, say, Aragorn or Luke Skywalker. Maybe I’ll do fantasy wars next year.

   What’s interesting to me is that this list won’t necessarily coincide with a list of the Best War Movies. “The Longest Day,” for example, was a great movie, but it was very much an ensemble with no one character who served as a focal point.

  In any event, any list of 10 heroes can barely scratch the surface, so I encourage you to add your own suggestions in the Comments. And to all you real heroes out there who have served our country in the military, home or abroad: Thank you.

   OK, let’s go:

1. Lawrence of Arabia – I can’t think of a more interesting, multifaceted character who played a heroic role in a war movie. It doesn’t hurt that he was beautifully played by Peter O’Toole or that this was one of the greatest movies ever. 

2. Gen. George Patton – George C. Scott rightly won the Oscar for this great portrayal of the fascinating World War II leader.

3. Oskar Schindler – Not a battlefield hero, of course, but the horrors of the Holocaust turned this greedy German industrialist into the heroic savior of some 1,100 Jews during World War II.

4. William Wallace – “Braveheart” was a great movie and Mel Gibson created an unforgettable warrior in this Scottish hero who would have much preferred peace to bloody battlefields, but sacrificed all for the cause of freedom.

5.  Alvin York – Technically, Gary Cooper was too old to play World War I hero in “Sergeant York,” but Cooper, the movie and the hillbilly pacificist sharpshooter character were fantastic anyway. 

6. Spartacus – Kirk Douglas is terrific as the Roman slave turned revolt leader, conveying a remarkable  gentleness at heart in the face of brutality.

7. Michael – Robert DeNiro’s Oscar-nominated Vietnam War hero character in “The Deer Hunter” was one of his best.

8. Capt. John Miller – “Saving Private Ryan’s” heart is the World War II squad leader played by Tom Hanks, another reluctant warrior.

9. Maximus – We don’t see much of Russell Crowe’s Roman general in action before his world goes awry and he finds his family dead and himself as a “Gladiator,” but the action scenes at the beginning and his leadership qualities throughout tell the story of a warrior who wanted desperately to retire to a quiet life with his family.

10. King Leonidas – Gerard Butler’s Spartan king lacks some of the complexity that marks other characters on this list, but he’s a burly, dynamic leader of men in the seemingly hopeless cause of stopping the Persian conquest of Greece.

      A solid majority of voters nationwide favor legalizing and regulating marijuana similar to the way alcohol and tobacco cigarettes are currently regulated. Most also don’t believe it should be a crime for people to smoke marijuana in the privacy of their own homes.

     A new national telephone survey of Likely Voters shows that 56% favor legalizing and regulating marijuana in a similar manner to the way alcohol and tobacco cigarettes are regulated. Thirty-six percent (36%) are opposed to such a legalizing and regulating pot. 

     Go here for more information, including links to past Rasmussen polls on the subject.

     Tom Angell, spokesman for the pro-drug-legalization group Law Enforcement Against Prohibition, sent me a press release that included this reaction from LEAP's Neill Franklin, a retired Baltimore narcotics cop:

      "Polling now consistently shows that more voters support legalizing and regulating marijuana than support continuing a failed prohibition approach. Yet far too many politicians continue to act as if marijuana policy reform is some dangerous third rail they dare not touch. If the trends in public opinion continue in the direction they are going, the day is not far away when supporting a prohibition system that causes so much crime, violence and corruption is going to be seen as a serious political liability for those seeking support from younger and independent voters. Savvy forward-looking politicians are already beginning to see which way the wind is blowing."

     We've long since lost the War on Drugs, and I've supported drug legalization for years, which is one reason I'm on Angell's mailing list. There's no question that the most likely place to start is with marijuana, and I've been disappointed that Obama hasn't evolved on this issue the way he has on same-sex marriage. Why should we keep throwing more millions down this rat hole in a war we can't win and in the case of marijuana never was worth fighting in the first place?

     What do you think? Have your feelings about legalization of marijuana -- or all drugs -- changed?

    But let's get back to "What Is It?" Rich offered this answer, which came closest to being correct: "I'm going to guess that it is used to prepare the hides during the tanning process. You know, to scrape the fat and such off."

    Specifically, this item is known as a tanner's fleshing knife, used to scrape the flesh off the inside of the hide.

    Rich now is eligible for fabulous prizes, including a Gov. Corbett bumper sticker -- Every Child Left Behind or Hooked on Frack -- or an I Ate My Way Through Musikfest With Bill White 2007 sticker. I encourage him to email me to let me know his preference, if any.

    Next Wednesday, I'll offer the last item in my present stash of photos. Meanwhile, here's that video:

   Specifically, the idea that the Neighborhood Improvement Zone should be shrunk because they won't be able to compete with Allentown's tax-subsidized downtown and riverfront -- which has become a major barrier to settling the suburbs' arena lawsuit -- is preposterous.

   Another story in today's paper drove home the point about their selective perception of what's fair. Morning Call reporter Samantha Marcus' story, "County to get casino cash for treatment plans," described the distribution of grants by Northampton County's Gaming Revenue and Economic Redevelopment Authority. It's responsible for doling out some of the casino revenue that the host city of Bethlehem agreed to share with its neighbors.

   The idea is that this money will mitigate some of the negative impacts of gambling, including traffic and gambling addictions. It makes sense, for example, that Freemansburg should get money for road safety improvements to an area where new traffic has resulted from the casino.

   On the other hand, authority member Joe Kelly questioned whether it makes sense to give the  borough $334,000 to continue building an addition to its police station.

   The ones that caught my eye were $87,500 to Bethlehem Township for two new squad cars, Tasers and mobile video units. Hanover Township got $146,100 for an ambulance.

   These communities were the original litigants suing Allentown over its arena project. Bethlehem Township voted Monday night to reject settlement offers and proceed to court unless the state law funding Allentown's redevelopment is rewritten. Hanover Township is expected to address its plans tonight.

   I've written several times that I'm sympathetic with their concerns about the potential diversion of their tax dollars to fund the city's redevelopment. They were right to demand answers. But let's not pretend that they're not benefitting from the same kind of regional fiscal cooperation that they in effect are rejecting by persisting in this lawsuit.

   One Mag story I neglected to tell had to do with the Ides of March. My guess is that the average young person has no idea that March 15 was the day Julius Caesar was assassinated, but Mag's students -- including my children, both of whom told me this story -- know what happened that day, because he would come into class on March 15 dressed as Julius Caesar. He would explain that their regular teacher was off and he was the replacement. They had to address him as Julius Caesar rather than Mr. Bowers or Mag.

   The day the column ran, I got a nice email from one of his former colleagues, retired Parkland French teacher Priscilla Koch. She wrote, "Thanks for paying tribute to one of our own. Scott Bowers was as much esteemed by his colleagues in the World Language Department as he was  by his students. Too often there are few immediate rewards in teaching and parenting. So nice to read the accolades by his former students for this warm, gentle man with the eternal smile ... 'Requiescat in pace' cher Mag."

   Since this ostensibly was a Latin Grammar Police column -- two readers had sent me examples of incorrect forms of "alumni" -- it was perhaps fitting that another reader took me to task for the expression "one of my alma maters," a reference to Ohio State. He wrote, "Shouldn't that be 'almae matres'?

   I looked it up in several places on the Internet, and although there was some support for the idea that either "alma maters " or "almae matres" is acceptable and even that "alma maters" is much more common, the latter clearly is correct from a Latin standpoint. Under the circumstances, I should have known better than to use the Latin "alma maters" without checking.

   One last thing. Since the column was billed as a tribute to all inspirational Latin teachers, I was glad to get the following note from Tim Knecht, under the subject line "Villa est villa Romana..."

   That is the first line of my first Latin class, back in 9th Grade at Emmaus High School.

   Obviously, I've just read your "Latin" article, partly about memorable (for one reason or another) Latin teachers, and partly about alumnus, etc.

   My Latin teacher was Elwood (Woody) Ortt, who also taught Latin to my parents (who graduated from EHS in 1942; I graduated in -- gasp -- 1966.

    Obviously, by 1963, Woody had every lesson plan memorized, and it was, if not old hat, then routine. We did the standard stuff: memorize new words, and read and translate from Latin to English.

   What made Woody so interesting?
1) He had a fairly stubborn PA Dutch accent. We used to joke that we weren't sure if we were learning Latin with a PA Dutch accent, or PA Dutch with a Latin accent. One day, Woody was reading Latin aloud to our class, when one of his retired teaching cohorts showed up in the doorway. Woody looked up, saw him, and seamlessly switched from Latin to PA Dutch to greet him.
2) He had some favorite words and phrases, and they all carried the heavy PA Dutch flavor. For example, certe is Latin for certainly. Except in Woody's class, it was ceeeert'nly (please supply the accent), and he used certainly to respond to many things. We all did it behind his back.
3) He only wore ties from the 1940s. (Ah, the days when teachers wore suits....) Remember, the mid-60s was the era of the skinny necktie; Woody's were, it seemed, about a foot wide, and contained improbably patterns and designs. One of my friends, a drumming crony from band and drum and bugle corps, and a year ahead of me, took colored pencils to his Latin Class and drew a monthly "Woody Ortt Tie Chart." One day Woody happened to see him drawing it, walked over, picked it up, scrutinized it, put it down and said, "Werry niiss; but you shouldt pay more attention." Woody was unflappable.

    I never did learn all the noun endings, but I do remember -us, -i, -o, -um, -o, -is, orum, is-, -as, -is. (2nd declension???) And I DID learn the continental pronunciation of vowels: a is the short ah, e is the long ay, i is the short ee, o is the long oo, and u is the short oo -- as in too. And ae is pronounced as a long i.

   I don't think that's taught anymore, at all. When I teach communications courses at East Penn, I teach it, and virtually ALL of my students have never heard of it.

   Just knowing that helps mitigate the confusion between the singular alumni and the plural alumnae -- alumnee versus alumnaye. And, knowing that -ae is a plural ending also helps clear it up.

   It's fun to remember the memorable teachers, but it's dispiriting to recall the question and answer: "Ah, why do I have to learn this stuff??" "So people don't think you're an illiterate, stupid a*****e." Things are pretty bad when college people who work every day with graduates don't know if they're alumnus, alumna, alumni or alumnae. Perhaps, saying "I'm an alum" will just simplify things.

   The themes involve four actors/actresses, all of whom appear in at least four of the movies. There’s some crossover.

   The rules are simple. Don’t look the quotes up anywhere if you intend to participate. Don’t hog the fun by answering half of them at once. Confine yourself to just a couple the first time around, and you’re welcome to return tonight or over the weekend to clean up any that haven’t been guessed.

   Let’s do it:

1. “Do you think that taxpayers would like it, Utah, if they knew that they were paying a federal agent to surf and pick up girls?”

2. “Suppose... I were to offer you $1 million for one night with your wife.”

3. “You ride off with somebody else's $12 million horse, did you think we wouldn't notice?”

4. “Sorry for the interruption, folks, but I always do the last dance of the season. This year somebody told me not to. So I'm gonna do my kind of dancin' with a great partner, who's not only a terrific dancer, but somebody... who's taught me... that there are people willing to stand up for other people no matter what it costs them. Somebody who's taught me about the kind of person I wanna be. Miss Frances Houseman.”

5. Speaker 1: I love you, Molly. I've always loved you.
Speaker 2: Ditto.

6. “What I resent, Lieutenant, is some politician using my base as a test tube for her grand social experiment. What I resent is the sensitivity training that is now mandatory for all of my men. The ob-gyn I now have to keep on staff just to keep track of your personal pap smears. But most of all what I resent, is your perfume, however subtle, interfering with the scent of my fine three-dollar-and-seventy-nine-cent cigar, which I will put out this instant if the phallic nature of it happens to offend your bleepbleep FRAGILE SENSIBILITIES! Does it?”

7. “All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.”

8. “If the First Amendment will protect a scumbag like me, it will protect all of you.”

9. “Jackie Moon is Flint's favorite son. And he has done more for this city than any human being who's ever lived on this planet!”

10.” Eeehhhhh! I'm sorry, your time's run out! What do we have for the losers, judge? Well, for our defendants, it's a lifetime at exotic Fort Leavenworth! And, for defense counsel Kaffee, that's right, it's a court martial! Yes, Johnny! After falsely accusing a highly decorated Marine officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lieutenant Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching... typewriter maintenance at the Rocco Globbo School for Women! Thank you for playing. Should we or should we not follow the advice of the galactically stupid!"

11. “Where's lover boy? Oh, I see. You're gonna help him, right? Well, that's sweet. You know, it’s too bad you couldn't help your little friend. That little girl. What was her name again? Rue? Well, we killed her and now we're gonna kill you.”

12. “I put it all on Lucky Dan; half a million dollars to win.”

13.. “Morons. I've got morons on my team. Nobody is going to rob us going down the mountain. We have got no money going down the mountain. When we have got the money, on the way back, then you can sweat.”

14. “Just like DiMaggio is to baseball or, or Unitas is to football, that's what Munson will be to bowling.”

15. Speaker 1: “911 emergency...”
Speaker 2: “I need an ambulance.”
Speaker 1: “I have you at 9212 W. Third St. in Los Angeles.”
Speaker 2: “That's room number 2.”
Speaker 1: “What's the emergency?”
Speaker 2: “There's been a suicide.”
Speaker 1: “Who's the victim?”
Speaker 2: “I am.”

    Instead, he popped the ball up in front of the plate. Pigs catcher Eric Kratz caught it in the air and found that both base runners had taken off prematurely. He fired to shortstop Andres Blanco, who stepped on second base (actually, it looked to me as if the throw might have pulled him off the bag, but I didn't see a replay) to force that runner, and then Blanco threw to first to complete the triple play. The crowd went crazy, and the IronPigs went on to win. I read later that it was the first triple play in their history.

    While I'm writing about the IronPigs, I would be remiss if I didn't mention outfielder Rich Thompson, the most popular player on the team. He even had his own bobblehead night this season.

  I noticed Thompson wasn't in Wednesday night's lineup, but didn't discover until this morning that he had been traded to Tampa Bay and placed on their major league roster. He even got to pinch run in Wednesday night's Rays-Red Sox game.

   I'm sorry we won't get to see him play at Lehigh Valley anymore, but I think I join all IronPigs fans in expressing our happiness that Thompson is getting another shot in The Show and wishing him great success. He always has been a class act, and he'll be missed here. I just wish it could have been with the Phillies, whose bench isn't exactly scintillating.

   Two questions for you. First, what's the most amazing play or feat you've ever seen at a baseball game you attended? And/or do you have any favorite Rich Thompson memories?

    Anyway, since I ordinarily would unveil the next "What Is It?" item Wednesday, I figured I'd do it instead today. I can tell you that it has sharp edges, which may not be apparent from the photos. We had to handle it carefully as a result. You also may be able to see that it's curved.

   I am looking for the specific use of this object. If you know or would like to hazard a guess, put it in the Comments. First person to get it right will be eligible for fabulous prizes, including a choice of Tom Corbett bumper stickers -- "Every Child Left Behind" or "Hooked on Frack" -- or a collectible I Ate My Way Through Musikfest With Bill White sticker. I'll provide the answer a week from Wednesday.

   I know we shouldn’t put much stock in any response to one of those Morning Call questions. For whatever reason, I’ve found they tend to skew more conservative than the Lehigh Valley as a whole, based on election results and real polls. Because they’re not scientific, you can’t reliably draw any conclusions from a poll in which everyone is invited to click on an  answer,. You have no way of knowing if it the respondents are representative of the area’s larger population.

   For example, I think you’ll find that among many young people, gay marriage is a nonissue. Since newspaper readership tends to skew older, those younger people probably were underrepresented.

   Still, that margin was so wide that it far exceeds whatever that demographic difference would suggest.  Polls show that that the population as a whole increasingly is OK with gay marriage and is pretty evenly divided on the issue. Are people voting differently when they get to do it anonymously?

    Obama himself described his view as something that has evolved over the years, a process I think many of us have undergone. I like to believe that he’s sincere about that, rather than this was some kind of political calculation, but I have no doubt that politics at least were discussed before he went public.

    Either way, I think it was the right decision. If we agree that people don’t really get to choose their sexual orientation – and I think the science and plain common sense have made that clear – it’s hard to argue that they shouldn’t be able to formalize their relationships in the same way straight people do.

   I have no problem with particular religions choosing not to perform or sanction gay marriages. That’s their right.  But our government needs to get out of the way of people’s pursuit of commitment and happiness – and out of everyone’s  bedrooms in general.

  What do you think? Are you part of that 91 percent? Do you think that number really reflects the Lehigh Valley’s viewpoint?

   Understand, these aren’t movies based on TV shows, although a few of them grew out of things that really happened on television. Rather, their primary subject is television.

   There aren’t many lists like this out there, but there are a lot of really good movies that would qualify. Since I have to cut it down to 10, I’ll count on you to use the Comments to supply the ones I missed.

  Let’s go:

1. Network. I got a chance to see this movie again not long ago, and I was amazed anew at what a savage satire it is of the cutthroat world of television. Best known, of course, for “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore.”

2. A Face in the Crowd. Andy Griffith is amazing as an Arkansas hobo who becomes an overnight television sensation – and drunk with power.

3. Tootsie. Dustin Hoffman won an Oscar as out-of-work actor who wins soap opera celebrity pretending he’s a woman.

4. The Truman Show. Insurance salesman Jim Carrey discovers his entire life, from birth, has been a TV show. Another great satire.

5. Anchorman. Hilarious Will Ferrell comedy full of memorable quotes and scenes. 

6. Frost-Nixon. Intriguing look at David Frost’s pursuit of a TV interview with ex-President Richard Nixon. Great performances, especially by Frank Langella as Nixon.

7. Broadcast News. I loved Holly Hunter as a driven TV news producer in this entertaining comedy.

8. Good Night and Good Luck. Stellar view of ‘50s television journalism, focused on CBS and Edward R. Murrow challenging Sen. Joseph McCarthy.

9. My Favorite Year. Very funny movie about a drunken movie star who is scheduled to appear on a TV variety show. “Get Me to the Greek” owed a lot of this movie, which starred Peter O’Toole in a terrific role.

10. Quiz Show. Robert Redford directed this interesting look back at the 1950s quiz show scandals. 

   It's a butteris, which a farrier uses to trim a horse's hoofs. They come in various forms, as you'll see if you investigate here and elsewhere online.

   Here's a definition from dictionary.com: "A steel cutting instrument, with a long bent shank set in a handle which rests against the shoulder of the operator. It is operated by a thrust movement, and used in paring the hoofs of horses."

   The correct answerer was Lewill, who becomes eligible for either a Tom Corbett bumper sticker -- "Every Child Left Behind" or "Hooked on Frack" -- or a collectible I Ate My Way Through Musikfest With Bill White sticker. I'll ask him to email me, including his address, to express his preference or non-interest in any of those prizes.

   Check in next Wednesday for another intriguing "What Is It?" item.

    Manone, a Hellertown High School graduate and distinguished educator, was one of the most amazing people I've met. Back when I was covering the trials and tribulations of the Saucon Valley School District, I got to know him very well. He was erudite, likeable and a master at bringing people together and smoothing troubled waters. This came in very handy in that school district.

   Rather than try to summarize all that, I'll share a column I wrote about him in 1995. The headline on this blog post was the one we used for that column. Here it is:

   Remember what they used to say on television whenever an airplane was about to crash, a ship about to capsize, or a dam about to burst?

  "This is a job for Superman!"

  In the Saucon Valley School District, Superman lives on Kichline Avenue, in a comfortable home just a kryptonite stone's throw away from the entrance ramp to I-78.

  Semi-retired from a distinguished career as a globe-trotting educator/diplomat/trouble-shooter, he serves as a part-time educational consultant and lounges among the handsome artifacts collected in ports of call such as Uganda, Kenya and Thailand.

   But when disaster strikes in his hometown school district -- as it so often does -- people know just whom to turn to.

  Carl Manone.

  The first time was a couple of years ago. Superintendent David Preston had been driven from the district, the community was up in arms and the board was in disarray. Manone was chosen as interim superintendent, and the healing began.

  Unanimous board votes. Cooperative decision-making. A focus on education and children instead of on squabbling school boards and balking superintendents. Mention Manone's name to most district employees, and you're likely to get a smile and a sigh. Those were the good old days.

  By the time he hung up his cape and turned the district over to new Superintendent Jayne Coover, optimism was in full bloom.

   But not for long. Within months, consensus had collapsed, the solicitor had resigned in disgust and the new superintendent was questioning the motives of her board detractors. Now she's on trial before a bitterly divided board, accused of politicking on school district time.

   Coover has been suspended without pay, the legal expenses are mounting, and the community is in an uproar again. It has become clear to almost everyone that she can't possibly return as superintendent, even if she wins her legal battle.

   Once again, a mess. Once again, the district needed an interim superintendent. Once again, the call went out to Kichline Avenue.

    Manone's job as peacemaker is even more difficult this time, in part because he took sides in the Sack of Coover, something he had avoided in the Last Days of Preston.

    His appointment was made at the same chaotic public meeting at which her suspension was made official, and he wrote an open letter, read at the meeting, in which he concluded that Coover had to go.

   "The divisiveness among members of the board, between the board and superintendent, between superintendent and staff, among the teaching staff, among administrators, and among factions in the community has reached such an emotional and rancorous level that the current top leadership situation is no longer tenable," he wrote. "A house so badly divided cannot stand."

   More recently, he has lobbied the board and Coover to have the dispute mediated rather than let it drag on for months or even years of court appeals. Seven members of the board have agreed with him that that's the way to go, although Coover still is cool to the idea.

   Her hearing resumes tonight in the high school library.

   Getting Saucon Valley out of this mess and back on the road to recovery is not going to happen faster than a speeding bullet. The rebuilding effort will require more experience, communication skills, common sense and accumulated good will than any mortal man could hope to possess.

  Sort of like leaping a tall building at a single bound.

  Good thing Superman lives in Hellertown.

     I've been in contact with a local restaurant owner who has been fighting with another music-licensing organization, BMI, over songs that were performed in his place. I've also gotten BMI's perspective -- they point out that they're a nonprofit organization and that 86 percent of anything they collect is returned to the artists involved -- and talked to another restaurant owner who has been licensed with both organizations for years.

   I would love to talk to more bar/restaurant owners about their licensing encounters and maybe even a few songwriters who have benefitted from these royalties. If you're willing to talk, even just as background information, give me a call at (610) 820-6105 or post a comment on here.

   Let’s review the ground rules. No looking the quotes up, on the Internet or anywhere else, if you intend to participate. This is about movie knowledge, not googling skills.

   I’ll also ask that you confine yourself to answering just a couple of these the first time through, so more people get to participate. My guess is that there will be some leftover tonight and over the weekend, and we’ll be delighted to see you return and answer as many as you can at that point.

    Got it? Let’s go:

1. Speaker 1: “So it's goodbye Alexander Dyle and welcome home Peter Joshua.”
Speaker 2: “Sorry, the name is Adam Canfield.”
Speaker 1: “Adam Canfield? Wonderful! Do you realize you've had three names in the past two days? I don't even know who I'm talking to any more!”

2. “Mr. Kaplan, you are quite the performer. First you're the outraged Madison Avenue advertising executive who claims that he has been mistaken for someone else. Next, you play the fugitive from justice supposedly trying to clear himself of a crime he knows he didn't commit. And now, you're the jealous lover spurned by love and betrayal.”

3. “If you can paint, I can walk- anything can happen, right?”

4. “I ain't dirty! I washed my face and hands before I come, I did.”

5. “I heard some talk in the kitchen. They say, ‘What a pity if they must kill The Cat!’"

6. “You're sore because you've fallen for a little drunk you tamed in Miami and you don't like it. It makes you sick all over, doesn't it? People will laugh at you, the invincible Devlin, in love with someone who isn't worth even wasting the words on.”

7. Speaker 1: “And what, in the opinion of Your Highness, is the outlook for friendship among nations?”
Speaker 2: “I have every faith in it... as I have faith in relations between people.”
Speaker 3: “May I say, speaking for my own... press service: we believe Your Highness's faith will not be unjustified.”
Speaker 2: “I am so glad to hear you say it.”

8. Speaker 1: “Sorta wish you hadn't done that, Hildy.”
Speaker 2: “Done what?”
Speaker 1: “Divorced me. Makes a fella lose all faith in himself. Gives him a... almost gives him a feeling he wasn't wanted.”
Speaker 2: “Oh, now look, junior... that's what divorces are FOR!”

9. “I can’t give you anything but love, baby …”

10. "Why don't you come up sometime and see me?"

11. “You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.”

12. “Doggone it, C.K. Dexter Haven. Either I'm gonna sock you or you're gonna sock me.”

13. “Married? Goody Two-Shoes and the Filthy Beast?”

14. “Rise, our new-made brothers. Rise and kill. Kill, lest you be killed yourselves. Kill for the love of killing. Kill for the love of Kali. Kill! Kill! Kill!”

15. Speaker 1: “All right, all right you can have it... you can have the doll! I'll give it to you... if you'll... if you'll just go and... and...”

Speaker 2: “Yes, Susy?”
Speaker 1: “Not hurt me.”
Speaker 2: “Say please.”
Speaker 1: “Please.”
Speaker 2: “No, that's not quite it... say: ‘Please may I give you the doll?’"
Speaker 1: “Please may I give you the doll?”
Speaker 2: “You may.”

   Participants in today's event must buy a Tasting Ticket, either at The Shops at 3900 Hamilton, where the event will be held 5-7 p.m., or online here in advance. For a donation to Second Harvest of at least $15, you'll get to gorge yourself on cupcakes and cast your vote in these categories: Best Tasting Cupcake, Best Visual Appeal and Most Creative Cupcake. Facebook fans of the  Shops at 3900 Hamilton can vote for the Facebook Favorite.

   The other celebrity judges are Second Harvest Director Ann McManus and Lehigh Valley Marketplace account executive Wendy Knowles. If you see me there and my mouth isn't full, please stop to say hello.

   Meanwhile, I also want to draw your attention to today's column, in which I invite readers to submit their entries for the worst first sentence of a novel, with fabulous prizes in the offing. This local effort is in conjunction with the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, a tribute to the Victorian novelist Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, author of the great opening sentence that begins, "It was a dark and stormy night ... "

   You can read much more in my column about San Jose State University's Bulwer-Lytton contest and my smaller version -- including some of the  big contest's 2011 winners and a few of the top local entries when I tried this several years ago -- but just to prime the pump here, I'll share the 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest's grand prize winner, by Molly Ringle of Seattle:

   "For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss – a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil."

   Can you top that? Give it a try!

    The problem is that I don't keep them on hand. I pick up a boxful, bring them in to be photographed and then return them. So it's a record-keeping problem on my part.

  I do know that this item from the collection of Stu and Marie Lathrop is more than a foot long, with a wooden handle.

   The correct answerer, who will be eligible for fabulous prizes, will have to identify the purpose of this object. It also has a specific name, but I haven't decided yet whether to require that as well. We'll see how the guessing goes.

   The prizes include your choice of a Gov. Corbett bumper sticker -- "Every Child Left Behind" or "Hooked on Frack" -- or a collectible I Ate My Way Through Musikfest With Bill White sticker. The winner must answer here, not on Facebook, where people also tend to respond when I post the link.

     Challenged for their failure to close kennels that have resisted complying with the state’s relatively new dog law, Dog Law Director Lynn Diehl and Department of Agriculture Executive Deputy Secretary Michael Pechart both claimed it’s better to keep a bad kennel licensed than to close it and drive it underground, where it’s more difficult to monitor.

   This, of course, is exactly the excuse offered for allowing Derbe “Skip” Eckhart’s Almost Heaven puppy mill in Upper Milford Township to operate for years with our state’s seal of approval, despite abominable conditions. It’s incredibly discouraging to hear the department's new leaders offer the same discredited excuses for allowing dogs to be bred and raised in cruel conditions.

    Here's what I said about that back in 2002.

    To me, the most amazing thing about this story is that the state Department of Agriculture issued a  kennel license to Eckhart, knowing full well that he had a history of animal mistreatment and neglect.

   Chris Herr of the Agriculture Department told me they were aware of Eckhart's record when he began operating an unlicensed kennel at Storage USA in Allentown a few years ago. Herr said local dog warden Richard Martrich, state police and other state officials executed a search warrant in February 1999 and found a kennel that met all their regulatory requirements, except licensing. So they gave Eckhart the opportunity to apply for a license.

   Herr explained, "There was a record that this guy was bouncing from place to place, and we felt we need to be in this kennel, we need to know what this guy is doing.

   "The decision was made at that time by our director of enforcement that rather than chase this guy all over the place, we make the assumption that he's going to be in the dog business whether he's legal or not. The decision was made to license that kennel and to inspect it heavily."

   Herr said they have continued to inspect Eckhart regularly since he transferred his license to Almost Heaven in Upper Milford , and that it has been clean, outside of one minor violation.

    Herr said there are no legal grounds to revoke Almost Heaven's license.

   I understand the practical advantages of the state's approach, which Herr told me is not unique to Eckhart's case. But to me, a license from the state signifies Pennsylvania's seal of approval that this is a reputable kennel operator.

   If you would argue, as I have, that dog buyers need to take special care when they're buying or boarding a pet, you would think that a state kennel license is one way a consumer could confirm an operation's legitimacy.

   In this case, you'd be wronger than you could imagine. This man has a state license despite an absolutely abysmal record.

   Back to the future, these regulations were no mystery to anyone in the commercial kennel business. They’ve had years to comply, yet only 17 of the remaining 52 large commercial kennels are in compliance.

   We as a state have to say that these are the standards we expect, and if you can’t meet them, get into a different line of work. Licensing bad kennels was a bad idea in 2002, and it's no better today.

    From the looks of the map where her progress is charted, Island Girl has reached Ecuador. But for more complete detail of what she's been up to, you should go to the blog maintained by the Southern Cross Peregrine Project. The Falcon Research Group tagged her in 2009 as part of this project, and although the transmitters for the other birds in the project have fallen silent, they added a new bird, Felipe, this year, so Island Girl no longer is the only object of their research.

    In addition to the map and other background information on Island Girl, the group maintains a blog on this project, which is where I discovered they were chasing her north through South America in hopes of seeing her roosting and presumably getting photos.

   Here's the beginning of one entry, titled "Island Girl Enters Ecuador":

      " ...leaving us in the dust.

    "She flew about 180 miles yesterday and into the next country on her 13th day of migration. She is right on schedule.

      "We are currently just south of Chimbote in northern Peru. Yesterday we drove through Lima during the morning rush (a hair-raising experience I must say), and shot up the coast as far as we could go before dark. We wanted to get some more miles in. We passed by two of her roosts in order to get north. But we hope to have a look at the Chimbote roost today and the Chiclayo roost tomorrow. Then north to Ecuador, trailing our bird."

   The problem with any Top 10 list involving Cary Grant is that he was in so many terrific movies. Working in the impressive filmographies of Bergman and Raines makes for impossible choices. My hope is that you'll fill the many gaps with your own suggestions in the Comments. If you think I overreached with any of my choices, point that out, too.

1. Casablanca -- Obvious choice at the top, since it's one of the handful of best movies ever. Bergman is radiant as the former lover of tortured bar owner Humphrey Bogart.

2. Lawrence of Arabia -- Rains was a cynical diplomat in this, one of his last movie roles.

3. The Adventures of Robin Hood -- Maybe the greatest of Errol Flynn's swashbucklers, with Rains as the evil Prince John.

4. Notorious -- I read an essay on Grant that said if he had pursued more nuanced roles like this one instead of all those romantic comedies and thrillers, his career could have been even greater.

5. North By Northwest -- Iconic Hitchcock with Grant in another of his best roles.

6. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington -- Rains played corrupt senator to Jimmy Stewart's naive newcomer.

7. The Philadelphia Story -- Classic comedy with Grant as wealthy ex-husband of Katharine Hepburn.

8. Gunga Din -- One of my favorite action movies, starring a young Grant as part of a trio of British army buddies.

9. Bringing Up Baby -- Classic screwball comedy starring Grant and Hepburn.   

10. Gaslight -- Oscar-winning performance for Bergman as young wife being driven insane by unscrupulous husband Charles Boyer.

   It's a nail puller, dating back at least 60 years, when items routinely were shipped in wooden crates. This was used to remove the nails so the crates could be opened easily.

   Mike, please shoot me an email so I can arrange to send you either a Gov. Corbett bumper sticker or an I Ate My Way Through Musikfest With Bill White sticker. If neither of those interests you, congratulations anyway. This is the first "What Is I?" item in weeks to be guessed successfully.

   I'll have a new one for you next Wednesday.

    So I'll throw the question out to you. Any ideas for a satirical column on Abe Atiyeh? I can tell you that I've been fooling with a "Celebrity Apprentice" idea, but it's not quite hanging together yet. This morning I had a brainstorm about a new wing of the courthouse financed by fees from all his lawsuits and zoning appeals. I'll play with that today.

    Either way, I'm open to your suggestions. This is your chance to exercise your creativity.

  If you want more background information on what he's doing and how you can donate, go to his website journeyfromsilence.com.

    Here are the rules. Don’t look the quotes up anywhere if you intend to participate. It’s cheating. Also, don’t answer more than a couple the first time around, to ensure that other people get a chance to participate. If there are unanswered quotes by tonight or over the weekend, you’ll be welcome to return and identify them.

    Ready? Let’s go:

 1. Speaker 1: “The first time we met, we hated each other.”
Speaker 2: “No, you didn't hate me, I hated you. The second time we met, you didn't even remember me.”
Speaker 1: “I did too, I remembered you. The third time we met, we became friends.”
Speaker 2: “We were friends for a long time.”
Speaker 1: “And then we weren't.”
Speaker 2: “And then we fell in love.”

2. “Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail me now.”

3. “Do you mind if we dance with your dates?”

4. “You stay classy, San Diego.”

5. “This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.”

6. “Guglia? Oh, so Julia's last name's gonna be Guglia. Julia Guglia! That's funny!”

7. “Hey Beldar, got any more of that gum?”

8. “She's magically babelicious.”

9. “So every day you help her to realize what happened and you wait patiently for her to be OK with it... then you get her to fall in love with you again?”

10. “Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I want to thank you for this wonderful meal, my two beautiful sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, and my Red-Hot Smokin' Wife, Carley.”

11. “You’re my boy, Blue. You’re my boy.”

12. “If these two men are gay then I'm a one-legged parrot. Anybody see me with a crutch and a cracker?”

13. “That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying talking donkey! You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkeyfly! Ha, ha!”

14. “Yeah, and I can't believe Liberace was gay. I mean, women loved him! I didn't see that one coming.”

15.  "Is there some process by which they physically miniaturize the dogs?"

    "American Idol's" credibility and entertainment value took a huge hit with the departure of Simon Cowell. There's no denying the star power of replacements JLo and Steven Tyler, but you basically have a set of judges who function as cheerleaders, stealing the show of all its tension.

   No one ever get too excited by what Randy, Paula, Kara or (shudder) Ellen had to say. All the suspense was about Simon. If he liked the performance, the singer had real confirmation, and I think this had a huge effect on the voting.

   These judges offer little help either to the contestants or to the voting audience. Steven in particular is useless, and you'll rarely see the group disagree. Randy's comments are nonsensical, full of contradictions mixed with outlandish name-dropping.

   What has saved the show, in my view, is mentor Jimmy Iovine, who not only brings in music industry heavy hitters to help work with the performers, but has been brutally honest and on-target with his assessments of them. It's not Simon, but at least it's something.

   I do agree with the judges that this is a better-than-average group, although the judges' praise has been preposterously over the top at times. (Jessica Sanchez is one of the best singers in America, ever, Randy? Really?!!)

   Holly has long overstayed her welcome, although she bounced back pretty well this week with a good Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" and a pleasantly mediocre "Son of a Preacher Man." I guess the young girls who make up a lot of the voting audience find her more vulnerable and likeable than the more talented Jessica, who was voted out last week but saved by the judges.

   I think Joshua is by far the most talented and consistently entertaining, even though clothes mentor Tommy Hilfiger (or as my father used to call him, Tommy Heffelfinger) keeps dressing him in bizarre, too-tight jackets. I know big-voiced gospel-type singers of past seasons have fallen by the wayside, but his combination of control, passion and power makes him special.

    Below him, I'm torn by country singer Skylar, also very consistent, and Jessica, who has more talent but hasn't harnessed it as well yet.

    Anyway, I'll offer my power rankings -- it's time for Elise, talented but prickly and vaguely unlikeable, to go -- and ask you for your impression of the singers and the overall show.

1. Joshua 2. Skylar 3. Jessica 4. Phillip 5. Colton 6. Holly 7. Elise

   I'm guessing you'll fare better with this one than with my other most recent objects, although the response to the last one -- handcuffs -- was muted by the technical problems we were having posting Comments. My hope is that those are mostly solved, but if you run into difficulty, please shoot me an email.