The Moron-o-Tron

noreply@blogger.com (BleedingHeartCommunist) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 18:25:00 +0000

marymouse:
Oh.....I gonna have musical orgasm...such a dream piano )))

Dan4157
wow... it must be embarrassing to be around you

It is. We never bring her to parties unless we have on good authority that there will be no music.

Freakin' pervert.

noreply@blogger.com (BleedingHeartCommunist) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 03:51:00 +0000

TheLifeWeLiveEh:
quite good, you remind me of a cyclops get a really shitty job cleaning an old mans shoe collection.

I'm not sure what exactly to address, because from a distance this comment makes perfect sense. Until you read it, that is.

Firstly, I don't believe this is true idiocy as much as it is full-blown weirdness. Clearly there is some subtler meaning here. Perhaps the author of this phrase was providing us with a simple allegory regarding the thrills and chills of the Hollywood experience. Talent in this case is the cyclops, who becomes a legend, but eventually deteriorates into an ogreish money maker for the rich. Indeed, I feel that we are being challenged to prevent ourselves from devolving to the point of shoe-cleaning in a museum of dead artifacts and broken dreams. Succinct, this single sentence contains both the introduction, the conclusion, and the denouement of a masterpiece.

Delving into this individual's profile reveals the following about their personality:
"Interests and Hobbies: mind enhancing fungises, blondes with curly hair, short brunette girls, philosophy"

What better cocktail for creativity than drugs, sex, and philosophy?

noreply@blogger.com (BleedingHeartCommunist) — Mon, 12 May 2008 02:43:00 +0000

yutomai:
????!!

He is two-thirds confused - the remaining third is excitement.

noreply@blogger.com (BleedingHeartCommunist) — Thu, 01 May 2008 13:36:00 +0000

Guacamole1000:
That sounds like a cat dying in a cheese grater!

azmegladon:
that was a very mean and funny comment. shame on you.

Folks, there is absolutely nothing funny about a cat dying in a cheese grater accident.

noreply@blogger.com (BleedingHeartCommunist) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 19:01:00 +0000

POPAROCKA:
I really like this picture, that's so exstrodinary, and in one hour, you're very impressive~

Emphasis is my own.

noreply@blogger.com (BleedingHeartCommunist) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:16:00 +0000

This post is less about idiocy and more about good old-fashioned confusion:

JeffW77:
Jeff Beck...Thank you. You are an INNOVATOR. You are a MAN. Jeff Wilson, age 52, Portland, Oregon USA

blackl1steddrums:
why does everyone hate on this comment?

I really don't know why everyone hated this comment. It was a COMMENT! It was a comment that INNOVATED! This comment PUSHED THE ENVELOPE!

noreply@blogger.com (BleedingHeartCommunist) — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 21:18:00 +0000

gtbabe1987:
i dont get how this song could possibly be so amazing wen i havnt heard of it and none of my friends hav either??? i only looked it up cuz i was listening to hannah montana and now i wish i hadn't-this song sux
-ps. i really dont care how ppl reply to this comment if u like the song...cuss me out..see if i care

The song in question? Corey Hart's "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night." I'm not really sure how an 80's one-hit-wonder is related to a prepubescent pop diva, unless the poster is inferring that they are both the subject of poor taste. If this is the case, it's a wonder they haven't been rickroll'd to death.

Overall the most disturbing thing about the post is the poster's professed age. At the time of the posting it seems that this individual was old enough to buy liquor. Actually, now it all makes sense - maybe the new collegiate pastime is getting wasted and watching horrible Disney channel shows while surfing the internet. But really, who knows? The ways of the moron are mysterious indeed . . .

noreply@blogger.com (BleedingHeartCommunist) — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 20:54:00 +0000

The complete issue of the Saga of the Post of Insipidity, now part of a complete breakfast!

It all started a long time ago, when the world was young, and so were gaians. I was doing my routine buying/selling/exploiting from, to, and of, respectively, various gaians when I found this comment on my profile.

Sailor Wildfire:
Hey dud de can I please have mY yokai back?! I didn't mean to trade it!!! Someone hacked and did it! Please!

Naturally I set out to ensure that this person never, EVER begged from me again.

Notesurfer:
*laughs hysterically at your request*

I wish I hadn't read your profile before I commented, because I'm afraid that the brain damage will be irreparable.

1. Dane Cook is not a musician.
2. "Rock" is the new pop, and it certainly doesn't belong as a genre unless preceded by some sort of adjective.
3. The real clincher . . . is it really that hard to remember the names of your "favorite things?" Behold:

"Ah, My Goddess" not "Oh My goddess"
"Card Captor Sakura" not "Card Capture Sakura"
"Ranma 1/2" not "Ranma"

Hopefully becoming literate is one of your goals in life.

Have a nice day, and always keep in mind that the people to whom you are rude may return the favor. (-:

Unfortunately it seems that this child did not appreciate my kind gesture . . . .

Sailor Wildfire:
Ok.......one, I KNOW DANE COOK ISN'T A MUSICIAN, i just like him.

Two, the manga i read was called OH MY GODDESS

Three, I wasn't being rude you &!$%, I just realised a friend wanted it really bad, so i had to buy another one and give it to him

And four, GET OVER YOURSELF JUST BECAUSE I WROTE RANMA INSTEAD OF RANMA 1/2 DOESN'T MEAN $%!#, I just dont like 1/2 as opposed to the real one over two form of a fraction

.......dick

Notesurfer:
If you read the manga then why does your profile refer to it as anime? The manga and the anime are called two different things you know . . .

By the way, could you translate "&!$%" for me? Sorry, I don't speak moron . . . at least, not fluently. Still, I think I got the gist of what you were saying: it seems that you'd rather forgo meaningful interaction and instead indulge in begging while fulminating with self-censors and accusations, when in fact it is your own ineptitude that has led to this diatribe.

Do you think the "dick" that you threw haphazardly onto the end of your message feels lonely? I mean, all the good vulgarities censor themselves out, and they get to hang out in complete sentences, while poor little Richard is stuck all alone next to the rogue, mutant ellipses. Truly life is pain.

At this point she informed her friends, possibly through a veil of tears, that someone of indeterminate nature was mocking her outright on gaia. This resulted in the flooding of my profile by hundreds of her loyal compatriots. Er, both of them that is.

Drakmore belzelgace mask:
hello i am a friend of wildfire's but thats just a little background information so that you understand why i am now calling you a pathetic little man... that being said i suppose i should explain my reasoning... if you spend your time trying to drag other people into the "sea of despair" then you yourself do it to thrive off it... you need to feel smarter than others so that your existence seems more important than other people's so you attack there typing... i won't say this is fact just an accurate hypothesis... as for her censorship as far as i can tell she was only following the rules of language on this site which is perfectly reasonable since dick is allowed being that it can be in pg-13 movies...so to wrap up my ramblings i will say this... don't bug others or else you may have to face the fact that you yourself are as low as the words you speak...

I was, of course, stunned by the depth of meaning that could be extrapolated from this message. This may or may not have been due to his grammar, or lack thereof, but whatever: I'm not picky.

Notesurfer:
Truly you have pierced the core of my cynical heart. Should we hug now or something?

That said, anyone who begs or tries to scam me deserves every pejorative I so carefully select to hurl in their direction. If that bothers you . . . get over it.

Perhaps this might have been the end of the escapade, but being the generous soul that I am, I chose to respond to each one of the angry messages left on my profile by Sailor Wildfire's loyal fans. Fan. Whatever.

Defung:
your almost as pathetic as me

Notesurfer:
Awww, it's a baby goth! They're so cute when they're young. ^_^

For the sake of clarity (and humor!), I shall henceforth refer to Drakmore belzelgace mask as The Drunk Philosopher and Defung as His Gothliness. Now, for Sailor Wildfire's reaction to my request for a translation . . .

Sailor Wildfire:
Well, I thought you were smart enough to fill in the blanks, but i guess i thought wrong. By the way, it doesn't matter where I put my manga and anime, the important thing is that it's on my profile.

Notesurfer:
I'm so sorry, your wit has clearly overwhelmed my facade of intellect. You and your friend are truly the most perceptive people I've ever met - ever considered a career in counseling?

Everything should have ended here, but as I am something of an entrepreneur of sarcastic conflict, I chose to continue it.

Alright, that's not actually true. In reality, due to the fact that I hadn't eaten my Mighty-O's that morning, I was feeling rather insecure and so I chose to bring in two of MY friends. I am a strong believer in leveling the playing field. Of course, bringing in two more sardonic intellectuals did no such thing, but I can dream, can't I? Special thanks to Malkyru and Gami-Chya for helping me make a mad lib out of The Drunk Philosopher's post. Twice.

Malkyru:
hello i am a friend of notesurfer's but thats just a little grease *noun* so that you operate *verb* why i am now urinating*gerund* you a frilly *adjective* aged*adjective* detergent*noun*... that being said i suppose i should explain my reasoning... if you spend your shadows*noun* trying to fathom*verb* other monkey butts*plural noun* into the "ponytail*noun* of fire*noun*" then you yourself do it to squeeze*verb* off it... you need to feel chromatic*adjective* than thermostats*plural noun* so that your patriotism*noun* seems more shiny*adjective* than other demon's *noun* so you vibrate*verb* there riding*gerund*... i won't say this is Caesar*noun* just an roman emperor *synonym for previous word*... as for her earwax*noun* as far as i can tell she was only following the gondola*noun* of sock*noun* on this site which is perfectly riveting*adjective* since Moby Dick*noun* is allowed being that it can be in pg-13 movies...so to wrap up my grease monkey*noun* i will say this... don't air freshener*noun* others or else you may have to face the fact that you yourself are as holy*adjective* as the buttons*noun* you lather*verb*

if any of this seems grammatically "off", it's because you were...

Not yet satisfied, I set out to prove myself to Sailor Wildfire once and for all, and with Malkyru and Gami-Chya's help produced the following, which was posted to her profile:

Malkyru:
hello i am a friend of notesurfer's but thats just a little gila monster *noun* so that you screech *verb* why i am now feasting*gerund* you a androgynous *adjective* beautiful*adjective* liposuction*noun*... that being said i suppose i should explain my reasoning... if you spend your hamsters*noun* trying to smoke*verb* other steels*plural noun* into the "poodle*noun* of danger*noun*" then you yourself do it to control*verb* off it... you need to feel gemmed*adjective* than 'shrooms*plural noun* so that your Tyra Banks*noun* seems more inspired*adjective* than other santa's *noun* so you lick*verb* there lapping*gerund*... i won't say this is cleavage*noun* just an large breasts *synonym for previous word*... as for her froth*noun* as far as i can tell she was only following the construction paper*noun* of poison ivy*noun* on this site which is perfectly rambunctious*adjective* since trout*noun* is allowed being that it can be in pg-13 movies...so to wrap up my handcuffs*noun* i will say this... don't greenhouse*noun* others or else you may have to face the fact that you yourself are as cynical*adjective* as the machetes*noun* you hemorrhage*verb*

this is a tribute to your friend's defense of you.

from notesurfer:

"As you can see, I am more than capable of filling in any blanks that present themselves."

Sincerely,

The Mad Lib Society

"At last" I cried! "I may be free of my insecurities, for surely I have owned her so hard that I might as well have the deed to her soul." Unfortunately, it seems that her and her comrades did not see the situation in the same light . . .

Defung aka His Gothliness:
listen pantie waste, in no way am i a goth. Just because you have, we can call them "awkward" fantasies of Goths and animals. doesn't mean i have to be a part of your sick world. In conclusion, you suck and will never amount to anything. Have a pathetic life. PS: the truth hurts...

I'm not sure what exactly he saw between the lines of my post, but if he hangs out with The Drunk Philosopher I can't blame him for trying to read into depths that aren't there.

Notesurfer:
It's true, the truth does hurt. Still, that doesn't explain the warm pleasant sensation that overtook my body when I read your post. Perhaps, if correctness causes pain, your incorrect assumptions have the effect of an unusually pleasant opiate.

Sailor wildfire then set out against me again, armed only with her generously endowed intellect and overcompensational courage.

Sailor Wildfire:
Listen....I don't know what happened to you that made you such a rotten waste of my caring, but I'll tell you this; stop picking every single thing apart

including people, or you going to be in real hell later. The story is, I sold you my item, and I messed up and wanted it back, that's it.

So much so that I just bought it off you two seconds after I pleaded for it back.

So go ahead and rant like a miserable wretch, but please please please stop being such a assumptious jerk. Or you'll just be miserable....believe it or not

I don't want that to happen to you. I'm sorry we had to meet on such bad terms and i'm sure your sarcasm would have amused me if we had become

better aquantences. I hope my typing was perfect enough for you this time

As you can see, I have been thoroughly, irreversibly, and inexorably crushed by the Goof Troop's airtight offense. I have learned my lesson - in the future, don't point it out to people when they misuse semicolons.

This broadcast was made possible in part by the Mad Lib Society, the Appropriate Nickname Generator, and contributions from viewers like you.

noreply@blogger.com (BleedingHeartCommunist) — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 20:44:00 +0000

Strong-Rad: Are you willing to accept a payment plan? iyould like to buy your Yokai's Treasure, and i can give you 3.5k up front. (if you are willing) i can get the other 7k plus an added 2k by wednesday. Thanks for reading

Notesurfer: Where in my profile did I put "I am mentally retarded and extremely gullible" exactly? I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me so that I can remove it.

Strong-Rad: ...i didn't that anywhere but you might want to if really think you should

Notesurfer: Cute. Great business sense by the way, insulting prospective sellers is a surefire way to get up-front loans.

Get bent.

Strong-Rad: Humans have spines artard. they can't bend.
secondly, when you addmited you were retarted, i assumed you were Typing (Speaking?) in a angry way, making me come the conclusion you didn't like my offer..Derr...

Notesurfer: Your spelling, grammar, and reading comprehension are all about as compelling as was your initial offer.

Seriously, go away.

Strong-Rad: Agreeing to disagree = fine by me.
(I made one mistake artard )

Notesurfer: Yes, that mistake was trying to scam me.

Strong-Rad: Faggot, i just want the nine-tail thing, and the next time i can get an increase in gold (quickly) is when my buddy gives me his stuff (he is leaving Gaia). Provided it WAS
a scam, it still would not have been a spelling or grammar mistake

Notesurfer: Very well then - on Wednesday I will have a Yokai's Treasure ready and waiting for you. I will sell it for the price that you promised in your initial offer (12.5k). If your intentions are legitimate then you should have no problem complying with this arrangement.

Strong-Rad: Ok then.
But please note that i asked for a payment plan because i am impatient like shit. SOOO, i might already have it BY that time, if not i will purchase your item

Notesurfer: I'm sorry that your shit is so impatient. Might I suggest lowering your daily intake of fiber?

Strong-Rad: it was an exaggeration, sir. You do not need to mock my grammatical incompetence will your superior skills.

Notesurfer: You're right, I don't. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy doing it though.

Strong-Rad: I have no verbal cannons left so i guess you win
anyway, i would say thank you, but you're a total dick

Notesurfer: Awww shucks. You're so sweet.