Finally, the day is approaching. You are coming tomorrow!!! My joys find no bounds!! I’m happy. Flying in the skies.

I have literally pined for you in these days. I have decided not to let you leave me ever now.

I welcome you again on this sacred land of Sindh, luv! Welcome back to my heart.

It’s life to be with you again. I wish our life spends in a way that we are always close to each other in all situations. Luv you.

Your memories. Work burden. Travel. Life has come to a standstill. No movement. No colors. No charm. However, what has never stopped is mind which keeps on thinking about you and me nay ‘us’.

I would be angel to know the reason behind it, but as the days have passed since you’ve gone, an unusual wish has arisen in my chest. I have started to strongly wish to come close to you. The wish.

How would it feel?

Symphony of breaths. Emotions culminating. Complete oblivion from the rest of the world. Voices and sounds becoming more clear and loud. Colors more vivid. Enigma playing. Life and emotions in perfect harmony.

See, I told you, many are the dreams of mine. All to be fulfilled.

Show me the meaning of being lonely
So many words for the broken heart
It’s hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can’t be there where you are
There’s something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze upon me
Guilty roads to an endless love (endless love)
There’s no control
Are you with me now?
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

There’s nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body, and soul
How can it be
You’re asking me
To feel the things you never show

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I can’t be there where you are!!

I’m missing you a lot, sweetheart! Come back soon.. plz. Life’s as meaningless without you as it could ever be!

Luv,

There was a load of work today. Got not even 5 minutes to get back from the table and pc. Couldn’t msg you; sorry for that! I know my jaan get worried when I don’t contact for some time… but, I feel quite helpless while saying this that there are certain outer realities which force us to do certain things and avoid some other at times. Though I wish to keep in touch with you always, I can not!

However, I’m home now. Couldn’t connect to the net, thanks to the poor connection I have. Therefore, I’m writing this on Word and would paste it on blog later.

I’m feeling quite tired. I want rest. But, I want you to be with me to make me feel things in harmony.

Luv,

Since you have left, I have been feeling lonely, weak, helpless and forlorn. But today I don’t exactly know but I had this feeling of kinnda déjà vu:

I am on a journey and am not able to get to the destination. I struggle a lot.. run fast.. feeling out of breath, but again the road seemed to touch the horizon.

I hope this proves wrong and I get you back with the grace of Allah.

This sense of being lonely has been scratching my mind and my soul since the day you left the country… I have felt like being lost in the wilds of some alien land where people speak languages different to the ones I understood… I feel I know nobody. Nobody knows me either!

I have gave up the hope of getting in contact with the human beings living here. I’m waiting for you.

Having done loads of work from the time I stepped into the office, I’m home again – fatigued!

Weak, I remember the day before you were leaving the country for the first time; you were about to cry and I was trying to convince you that all would be fine… it would soon be over and you’d be back with me again.

I don’t know what clicked in your mind and you lookd directly into my eyes and said:

Aamir, your allowing me to go abroad doesn’t mean that you’d ever take this instance to support your going away: I simply can’t stand this and will never ever allow you to go anywhere without taking me with you!

The water in your eyes twinkled. I smiled.

No, jaan! It surely doesn’t mean that. Even if I ever needed to go abroad, I won’t go without you. Trust me.

It’s the seventh day and I want to make it clear again: I won’t go without you anywhere. Feel secure.

Sep 17, 2007 – I sent you:

“The DUNES are changed by the WIND, but the DESERT never changes. And that’s the way it will be with out love for each other. ” –– I luvd thz lines, and m happy tht i,v found sm1 tht i,m abl2say thz lines to. I luv you, Pink.

We had sweet tiffs as well; you remember ths?

Amusingly grumpy muhji jaan.. Muhnji Pinku! Smile n sndme msg o luv, so tht v may not hv a single nite tht cud b said to be nite wen either of us ws angry (Dec 26, 2007)

And this one?

Jeewan main
paisa,
pyar,
dost,
sab aate hain,
jaate hain.
….
magar toote huwe DAANT wapas nahi aate!
Samajhdar ho;
umeed hai, SMS bhejty rahoge! :p
(Aug 22, 2007)

And yours:

I dnt knw what is trust etc, all i knw is that i can give my life for ths man ‘Aamir’! (Feb 20, 2009)

–

The office has been bitsh! OVERLOADED with work these days. Haven’t been able to upload these diary entries on blog; wrote them in parts: some words in the office, some at home.

However, I just wanted you to know that as the days are passing, my heart has started to beat for you faster.. and faster! It’s only sixth day that you left me and I’ve become tired of being away from you. I feel directionless when you’re not in the city!

I don’t know but waiting for you seems for keeps; 8 days seem ages!!

I have never known how a person feels when a dagger or a bullet has brutally made space for itself in their body by displacing their flesh. However, it must be – I believe – somewhat similar feeling which I’m experiencing these days when you’re not with me, sweetheart!

‘Boys should not cry‘ is crap! They, too, have emotions; they, too, need to cry at times, e.g. when they are not with the ones they love! — I have cried more than three times in the last few days! (I confess)

May my tears run just as far, that my love might never know that one day I cried for [her].

I’m surprised to discover that many of the things related to our attitude get revealed to us when we are crying – we realize that certain reactions/words hurt that special someone and should never have occurred. I realized that I have been hurting you frequently! [Wretched me!]

Whenever I told you I was with my friends and, so, could not speak to you, you reacted in a way which I would think was strange and unjustified. I forgot to consider how you felt when you hear that I’m laughing and enjoying my time with my chums. However, the night before when I cried after my balance got finished (yours was already finished), I realized that I could be more sensible to have not criticized you for being childish at times. “It’s totally normal. Act mature. You’re no more a child, Pink!” I would always tell you — forgive me for that, luv, I beg

I know that you:

“… felt like a child —— insecure, tense because [you] knew none of [my] friends, and jealous that [I] was paying more attention to the others than to [you].

I should have been more delicate and kind and warm-hearted to that innocent child inside you who was frightened of that world… who had this fear that I would be parted from her… who felt her world* would be an epitome of a barren desert if I stopped to be a part of it!

*I’m back in my ‘cave’.. missing my world, Aamir [your sms]

However, I still strongly believe that you know that, although I have been quite foolish in extending some foolish behavior to you, I love you with all I have… and even if I have not been able to express it loudly, I hope you know that I do!

Because,

No one can lie, no one can hide anything, when he looks directly into someone’s eyes. And any woman with the least bit of sensitivity can read the eyes of a man in love.

— I have looked directly into your eyes many times… and you’re my woman!

My love could show itself when I act ‘as awkward as it could be’ when I’m with you.

–

Come to hold me tight. I love and I lose control!

The nights have got darker. I’ve started to get scared of darkness now. I don’t know why but it feels that we were married and lived together and, now, they parted us brutally… I feel we have always been that close to each other, luv… I wish we are!

Pink, the world is cruel and I have no say here; else, I would have never let you go. I’m suffering because I’m “unable to impose [my] own rules.”

Come soon. Someone’s missing you. Someone’s waiting for you.

اڃا ڪيترو پري رهندين مونکان، زندگي؟ اڃا ڪيتري آزمائش باقي آ منهنجي صبر جي…!؟؟

All the quotations have been taken from Paulo Coelho’s brilliant work, By the River Piedra I sat down and wept. — A must read!