Ugh, life without internet sure sucks and trying to post stories on the cell phone is no bueno! Anyhow, thank you folks for still coming by and reading. A big thank you to the commenters as well! Your feedback and your stories is what keeps this going! Now onto the story…
A dirty blonde hippyish girl wearing dreadlocks and knee high pink striped socks enters the store on rollerblades. At the time we didn’t have any rules regarding bikes, skateboards or even rollerblades operating in the store. People just know you just don’t go riding your vehicle in the grocery store.
So she’s zig zagging up and down the aisle. Dodging customers and displays alike when she grabs a banana from the produce section. She already has a lot of attention to herself but by peeling the banana and eating it; she garnered more attention from the grocery clerks as well. She makes her way down the wine aisle and does the “I’m suspicious” look. Checking over her shoulder and looking around to see if anyone is paying any attention. Of course we’re paying attention, you’re on rollerblades with knee high pink striped socks!!!
Then she does the inevitable. With one bottle in each hand she races towards the automatic sliding doors…
From the checkstand, I can see my managers chasing her as she darts towards the doors, then…
SMACK!
She crashed face first into the doors! They didn’t open in time because she was going waaaay too fast!
If only she would have bladed a bit slower…
As grocery clerks, we are the closest thing to a directory for product knowledge, directions, or anything the customer is curious about. We will always have answer because we simply cannot say “we don’t know.” We will either find an answer or … make one up. I’m sure I have plenty of people still looking for street directions but then again maybe they were successful because they never came back. Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. Sometimes I work in produce and although I just fill in for the day, I always get asked for recommendations…
Curious Customer: How sweet are these corns?
Me: Very sweet! They’re my favorite!
Curious Customer: Oh really! I’ll get a few more than! So how do you cook your corn?
Me: Uhhh… I microwave them.
Curious Customer: Really, you do?
Me: Yeah… even fry them too.
Curious Customer: You can fry corn?
Me: Uhh… yeah. Just make sure you slap lots of butter on it.
Curious Customer: I’ll definitely try that!
In the checkstand after recommending the movie Zombieland to a customer…
Curious Movie Customer: You think zombies are real?
Me: Of course! After 10 PM, they come in looking to buy more beer all while stumbling and mumbling.
Curious Movie Customer: What do you think about vampires?
Me: Sexually deprived human beings who needs more time in the tanning booth.
AHEM!
I turn around and see a mom holding her kid with the look of disapproval…
Me: [Unsure laugh] hehe… sticker?
I remember like it was yesterday, I was filling in for the nightcrew because one of our guys called in sick (seems like its a recurring theme in the world of retail grocery.) It was about 2:30 AM and my co-worker Matt wanted to take a cigarette break outside. I might as well join him to get a whiff of the fresh air. Do what guys do, talk about guy stuff like girls, bikes, and wrestling.
As we were heading out the doors we noticed a blue pickup truck with its engine running. Then we saw a couple loading our firewood which we put outside into their truck. “What in the hell!” Matt said angrily. I see Matt running towards the truck. I’m still in shock trying to figure out what I’m really seeing.
Matt jumps on the truck and immediately starts throwing the firewood back towards the store. The flabbergasted couple unable to realize who or what Matt was doing continued to load the truck while he was throwing the firewood off of it. “Paul you gonna stand there!?!?!?! he yelled. Still disillusioned my first instinct was to run towards Matt. As I got closer I can hear loud grunting sounds from Matt as he heaved each firewood. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I leaped onto the truck and began to mimic Matt’s roaring grunts with each throw of firewood. By this point the couple jumped off the truck and watched us as we throw back the firewood towards the store. AHHHHHHH!!! ARRGHHHHHHHH! RAHHHHHHHHH!
“You guys are like those Iraq terrorist! You’re F#&# nuts!” the lady exclaimed. With our adrenaline rushing we probably toss about 40 blocks of firewood between us when the truck starts to move. The guy floors the car in an attempt to escape. Matt and I jump off as we hear the engine desperately trying to shift into gear.
We watched the guy speed away but he forgot someone, his girl! Matt looks at her and with a straight face he said, “I guess he doesn’t love you.”
When customers are frustrated they usually like to blame someone or something. It’s never their fault and it happens so often that we just have to suck it up and try to be patient as possible with the customer. We have to sympathize with the customer but sometimes you just have to tell them like it is…
A man in his mid 20′s buys 40 bottles of Arizona Green Tea with Ginseng during our 10 for $10 sale and he’s trying to slide his payment card through the reader…
Ginseng Man: This always happens to me! Your damn card reader doesn’t work!
I pay extra attention to him while scanning his bottles of ginseng and ask him to slide his payment card again.
Ginseng Man: See it keeps saying “Unable to process!”
I noticed he didn’t or couldn’t slide the payment card correctly because his hand keeps trembling…
Me: I can slide it for you.
Ginseng Man: I can do this! It’s this machine it’s always this machine!
He couldn’t hold the payment card still enough because his hand keeps trembling and the card needs to have a smooth swipe.
Ginseng Man: F&#$ this machine!
Me: Sir, please calm down.
Ginseng Man: F&%$ you!
Me: Look! I’m not a rocket scientist but you might wanna chill on the Ginseng Tea!
Here are some other card related incidents for your pleasure…
Tell me what you guys think of this. Feel free to comment or email me at pkwynn@mostlygrocery.com.
Sometimes there are items that are priced incorrectly and our store policy will only honor one item at that price per day. There are actually some customers who do go scanning the grocery store shelves for incorrectly priced items just to get the cheapest price possible and many try to stock up only to find out that we can only do one item at the mismarked price. Customers would either yell and scream at us for our error but in this case it was meant to be…
I’m scanning this customers groceries and I noticed several of the ground beef is incorrectly marked at 10 cents a pound.
Me: Umm… Ma’am these meats are marked down wrong.
Meant to Have Meat: We’ll I’m sure God wanted me to have it.
Me: Excuse me?
Meant to Have Meat: God wanted my family to enjoy this ground beef at this price.
Me: Umm… We’ll I can only do one of these at this price but the rest I can’t.
Meant to Have Meat: It’s a sign from God you know. He wanted me to have these. He chose me.
Me: Uhh… I’m pretty sure the butcher had something to do with it.
Meant to Have Meat: We’ll he’s not God is he?
Me: No… He’s the butcher that put the wrong price on the package.
I call for a courtesy clerk to come grab the rest of the ground beef.
Meant to Have Meat: You’re really going to disappoint God.
Me: Ma’am can you please stop saying that, you’re really making me uncomfortable.
Meant to Have Meat: Then you need God in your life then.
I usually don’t mind working on the holidays because of the extra pay but while I’m working I envy the customers that come in who are enjoying the day off. Customers love to rub in on how much I’m missing out on the beautiful day, the barbeque, and why it sucks to be at work. I try not to take the rub ins personally but it seems as if every other customer is reminding me.
Having a Blast: It was such an awesome day outside!
Me: Yeah, I can see that.
Having a Blast: Sucks to be at work huh?
Me: No its OK. We get paid double for working.
Having a Blast: 4th of July only comes around once a year so if I was you I’d try to get it off next year.
After the 10 o’clock firework show…
Having a Blast #2: Oh my gosh did you see that amazing firework show over the waterfront?
Me: No. But I heard it.
Having a Blast #2: HAHAHAHAHA!
Me: …
Having a Blast #2: Oh… Sucks you had to work.
Shelley: Love your stories. But do you mean meat smuggler instead of meat muggler? Muggler isn’t a word.
Hahaha, I thought it sounded catchy but definitely made no sense. Smuggler sounds a lot better! Thanks Shelley!
True Story: Several months ago we were lamenting the fact that customers don’t listen when we cashiers speak to them. To prove this point, one of the cashiers changed his greeting:
Smart Alec: “Hi, sir. May we step on your testicles today?”
Mr. Man: “That’s fine, thanks.”
Hmmm…
Thanks for sharing Becky!
Working in the grocery store, we always have to watch out for shoplifters and it’s hard to keep an eye on everyone. But there are those who make our job a whole lot easier by making in obvious that we can’t help but keep an extra eye on them. If we suspect something then we would likely stop the person before they exit the door but at the same time we cannot accuse the individual without full knowledge of what was stolen.
Looks like the day is perfect for an outdoor BBQ and it’s about 96 degrees outside. Everyone is in shorts and flip flops to battle the summer climate. Except for this one tall guy who’s wearing a San Diego Chargers parka jacket.
It’s way too hot to be wearing that big jacket, he must be up to something. I tried doing my best James Bond impression by keeping an eye on him that is until I hear… “Paul! We need you to check please!” “Darn it!” I said to myself. I signal the fill-in security guard to watch the doors.
As I was scanning groceries, I looked up and the security guard was no longer by the door. “What the heck?” You really can’t rely on security guards who fill-in on Rami’s day off. Then I see the parka jacket guy go outside with nothing in his hands. “Phew,” a sign of relief that I don’t have to worry about him anymore but then he comes back in!
I quickly shut off my checkstand and immediately go back to being James Bond. He keeps pacing back and forth like he’s deciding by the meat counter. We make eye contact and turns around and walks the other way. “Paul, I think that guy stole some of my meat.” Says Brian in the meat department. That was all I needed to know.
I head towards the door to intercept but I see him walking very slowly like he’s constipated down the condiment aisle. He now has a boxy look to him and walking very stiff. Since we didn’t see him steal I thought I’d do some deterrent tactics.
Me: Hey, buddy! Find everything OK?
Meat Smuggler: Uh, yeah.
He continues to walk past me and it’s obvious he has something in both his under arms hence the boxy look.
Me: Hey, buddy! I’m not tall enough to reach that ketchup. Can you get it for me?
Meat Smuggler: Uh, Uh…
Me: I’d really appreciate it. It’s all the way up there.
He’s now sweating but then again maybe it’s the jacket!
Meat Smuggler: I have to go.
Me: [I gave him my look of desperation] Please…
He tries to reach the ketchup all while it looks as if he’s trying to keep whatever he has in his under arms intact, then…
WHAP! WHAP!
Two giant slabs on meat come falling out from the inside of his jacket! He takes off running towards the door…
Me: Hey buddy! You forgot your meat!
My heart races up and down like a rollercoaster when I see a toddler standing in a grocery cart. Yes, they look cute and parents enjoy the look on the toddlers face when pushing the grocery cart while they try to do their best balancing act but when they arrive at the checkout lanes, I feel like I’m the responsible parent. When the parent is unloading their groceries or paying; kids like to grab onto things, actually they grab onto anything they can get their hands on and when they do they pull the grocery cart as well.
I find myself trying to watch the toddler and checking out groceries at the same time. When I see a toddler doing something that I think is potentially dangerous, I’m bagging groceries with one arm and bracing my other arm with anticipation of what the toddler may do. Parents don’t seem to mind what their kids do in the grocery cart because they probably think its already safe. Most of them don’t pay any attention to their kid when they unload their groceries or paying, that is until you touch their child.
I see a toddler about 2 years old wearing blue overalls standing in a grocery cart during checkout and he’s grabbing anything he sees. His mom pushes him up to payment terminal and he grabs a hold of the pen. He’s pulling the pen and stepping back to the other side of the cart, all while his mother is reading the tabloid covers.
I grab the grocery cart and pull it towards me…
Don’t Touch the Toddler: WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!??!?!
Me: [shocked] Ummm… your kid was pulling the pen and so…
Don’t Touch the Toddler: DON’T YOU EVER MOVE THE CART WHILE MY BABY IS STANDING IN IT. HE CAN FALL!
Me: But he was pulling the pen…
Don’t Touch the Toddler: IF HE FELL, I’M SUING YOUR ASSES!
Me: …
