Mother Fonker

Booking Appointments with Teens

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 03 Sep 2015 20:40:00 +0000

I've noticed the growing frequency of how my sister uses Facebook Events to tell my niece and sons about our next family activities. From a trip months ahead, to their next movie date, to next weekend's gathering at gramma's house, my Facebook notifs for family time are becoming more frequent.

I barely noticed until my sister booked us a trip and sent an FB event invite, then she asked me an hour later, "Do you think I should still make an event page for (something mundane meetup)?"

My brain quickly scanned all those days when the kids knew the family skeds. Yup, those were the ones when their aunt sent FB invites.

Our kids are now teens but they are still clueless about schedules. This FB event page functionality is working for our family at least.

One son asks about the next "event" so he can fit in his plans. Even the older brother, notorious zombie / incognito of our family, shows up when these events are punched into FB.

I sometimes detest all this technology streaming in and out our brains, ears, even fingers 24/7.... but used right, tech can connect us all, even forgetful family members.

And you know your sons have grown again when...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 10 Aug 2015 16:40:00 +0000

... Your youngest asks for coffee in the morning while working late on school projects T_T

Of course, I just smile and nod. In my head though, I went whoa whoa whoaaaa!!!... Too soon? For me, coffee is categorized as an adult beverage, pretty much in the same category as beer. Who am I kidding, cola has just as much or maybe more caffeine, so I pointed that out to him. If he wanted, he can have cola to stay awake. He declined and was just interested in coffee.

So there. Another growing up marker.
Coffee.

* * *

These days, I am feeling like I'm treading on marshmallows as I don't know where, or how to position myself as a mom to a half-child, half- grownup.

I can only hope to be sensible and fair and not clingy at each moment as they do some caffeine-boosted growing.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 24 Jul 2015 01:37:00 +0000

Everyday, I keep telling myself how lucky I am with my sons.

Changes are inevitable, and luckily, the changes with my youngest son are always for the better.

I was out last weekend on an overnight camping trip. By the time I got back, the house was clean, clothes were freshly washed, the dried ones folded neatly.

I still take care of our clothes washing so this was, naturally, a big and very pleasant surprise.

"Sorry mom, I wanted to fold your clothes too but I couldn't figure out what each piece is."

Lol. "It's okay, son." I replied quietly, but deep inside, my heart was leaping for joy. I was so proud of his initiative to help.

It's times like this when all the physical pain a mother endures to raise sons alone come flashing back to me. Waking up early in the morning to prepare them for school, wiping away all that snot when sick, or soil around their necks, carrying this son everywhere, the sickening planning of school meals each and everyday and a lot lot more... They all come flashing in my head and I go think, I can't believe it but it's all becoming worth it!

Thanks son, for honoring my life with your presence.

- mom

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Jesus F Chroist! My last blog post was a year ago!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 23 Jul 2015 15:16:00 +0000

I still feel the same exact way a year later though.

This time around, the changes weren't too radical. I could write the same exact lines now, wouldn't make a diff.

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How fast time flies...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 Jul 2014 16:48:00 +0000

Lol. This blog has had many restarts, re-layouts, etc. Now it's ressurrected again.

Lots of changes, folks.

First off, my kids are now teens. Both of them. Fine young men. Too weird now, even for me.

Big laugh. Couldn't believe they were little boys when I started this blog.

Now they are strapping young men.

The online landscape has changed a lot too. As in, a lot.

When I started this blog, my youtube vids coughed and sputtered. As I now noticed, I missed that era posting here. My posts don't have much video. Oh you would have had so much fun with my boys' video finds then. But that was that.

Now everyone's on phones. Phones! My gosh. Now there's Snapchat, Vine, Instagram, Line, Viber, the list is endless. Everyone's on phones now, I kinda find it sickening. It kind of relieves me when I find excuses to not use the phone.

But the parenting. The parenting never changes.

Now one son lives away from me. He's eighteen now. But we collaborate about work and life over FB chat. Now he's my FB son. lol. My other son is still with me, but weirder than ever, and he's comfortable in his own skin about it. He still teaches me a lot of things about life,and love, just by being his weird self.

My niece, my surrogate daughter, will also start college soon.

Sigh. Life. Too fast. I guess right now, coming back to this blog of an "empty house," a lot of memories are now tumbling down on my consciousness. I realize we can only really live for moments, There are chunks of moments that seem like a phase, but each one, is just a brief moment.

And life goes on.

And this blog will also go on.

A little bit learned about motherhood, a lot about being uncertain. As I grow on coping with growing young adults, there is a lot of uncertainty in my head now.

We can only live for each moment.

Greetings.

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You Know They've Grown Again When....

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 00:30:00 +0000

On a Friday, one son has a 3-day camp in school, and the other one booked himself to go over to the cousins. The past years, when one son sleeps over, at least one son remains. Now they're both gone.

This is even if you scheduled a trip to a family-friendly venue, like the National Museum. And you didn't win the mental arm wrestling for at least one son to accompany you.

Meh.

Dalaga na talaga si Katya.

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The Eternal War between Parents and Teens?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 10:08:00 +0000

What is this hang-up of parents about handling teens?

Why should they always be at war? Why should there be divisiveness?

It's something I don't get, why parents and teens should always take a swing at each other.

I think so far, at the homefront, me and my teen are getting along fine. The war between parents and teens can be skipped, my opinion.

I can't really say it's about starting the relationship right from the very beginning. My teen has suffered the brunt of all my angry years when he was small. If there's any child who has the perfectly reasonable excuse to harbor some long-time anger at a parent, it's him.

But I have paid my dues, and I have assured him of my apologies and I have made up from all my wrong-doings.

So far, now, we are okay. Of course, there are times that I do my usual sermon, but nothing that bad that usually burdens the toxic teen-parent relationship.

How do I do it?

By just letting him be. And by clarifying I don't do it because I want him happy always and don't want him to get cross at me, but I do it because I respect him and his decisions.

Maybe most wars between teens and parents are from those that do not recognize the autonomy of the teen. I dunno. I don't want to find out what it is. I'm good where we are right now.

Sometimes I feel guilty and wonder if I'm spoiling him... but then, he is doing well in school and has a stable group of okay friends and continuously studies his passion, music. Maybe it's just the right thing to do.

Of course, I keep a watchful eye. There are some things he does that I don't agree with but still don't say anything if I estimate it's not major. Sometimes he gets surprised that i disagree with one of his decisions, because I just let it be.

Eh... teens are thinking people. The most you can do is watch out, guide to prevent bad things from thinking, assure that you're there in the background for easy back-up when things go awry, and guide how to get out if there's trouble. Be there before, during and after in the periphery. It's mostly about them building their confidence, strengthening the bones of their wings while you are in the background. They fly a bit, come back, fly a bit, come back. And they tend to fly more when they know you are there to fly back to.

Hope my goodluck keeps up. *cross fingers*

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Kindling our Kid's Dreams

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 17:42:00 +0000

I'm a little concerned over my sons' lack of "I wanna be a sumpting when I grow up."

I just realized it when I was bugging first son what course he was going to take in college. He is now a high school junior and some universities are accepting applications from 3rd year students.

He is now thinking of ... surprise.... social science. Both his parents are social science double majors. Where do you suppose he got this interest? From the teacher, of course, not his parents.

And so, recently, I've also been bugging the second son what he wants to be when grew up. I have always thought there was only 1 career that I would REALLY mind if any of them wanted it (I won't say what it is)... but anything else is alright.

To my semi-horror in his pre-school years, Leon wanted a noble yet life-risking career. He wanted to be a fireman. I hosed down his dream by telling him about the reality of the fireman's career in this country. Bad mommy award. (Whut? I want him alive, you know.) Now he is more somber and has chosen to not choose at all.

Recently though we had a adopted a cute little bugger cat that likes to chew everyone out literally, except him.

So earlier today Leon announced he wanted to be a.. janan! veterinarian.

Kewl. Bites, etc. fine. Fires no.

Now how to sustain that interest....

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Happy Father's Day, Mang Napo

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 23:33:00 +0000

Yesterday was just so full of love, with people remembering their dads.

Cousins, aunts, uncles and nieces remembered my dad. I felt, even though he has been gone for some years now, he has touched their lives with his happy ways. I was particularly touched when I realized a niece of mine, who was a little kid when Mang Napo was around, was also very fond of him.

Funny how he taught me a lesson yesterday even if he's been gone for so long. Some people chase a lifetime of accomplishments to be remembered by. When really, you don't need to be anything other than be happy. And people will remember you anyways.

I really feel grateful I had him as my dad.

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A Long Overdue Post about Plurk

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 10:45:00 +0000

At first, I wasn't sold about microblogging. I felt it was invasive. I felt I didn't want to be updated of the first microblog posts that I kept seeing. These are ONLY : "Good morning." "I just ate (write in food here)." and "I'm going to sleep now." Fun.

Then I read an article about this being the next marketing thing (this was in 2008). It also pointed out that marketers should get used to the discipline of saying what you want in 140 characters or less. So then and there, I decided I wanted that skill of concise communication. I signed up for Twitter.

A few hours later, one of my bestfriends IM'ed me - "Hey, do you have Plurk yet?" No, but I just signed up for Twitter today. "Try Plurk. It's much better."

So I signed up. (I want to post a pic of 1st post but it's too deep down the timeline.)

I rarely tweeted after. It just wasn't my type.

For Plurk however, I have always marveled at how its layout enabled you to have friends. And these people grew on you in the day to day plurks. The horizontal timelines made it easier to backtrack what people said. Even if you haven't been in in a while, it's easy to see what people have been up to. The vertical responses in the threads, on the other hand, allowed you to catch up to the conversations.

And then the friends grew. There were batches of close groups in my Plurk life. I have kept most of them, I have been lucky. But then, I see that it is the usual case for most Plurkers (yay!). I am also still friends with the first people who were given to me randomly when I first signed up.

The last batch of friends I got in Plurk are ones who live nearby. We have fun online at Plurk. We have laughed together at the fun posts, disagreed a lot about serious issues (and did lots of ninja hides in the process). Yes, we're still friends regardless. We have changed our profile names a lot for a timely event. During Chinese New Year we had outrageous Chinese characters as profile names. We named ourselves annoying fruits (in honor of annoying orange), election candidates, Filipino superheroes, there are more but I forgot.

And Huzzah, we've also had lots of incredible fun offline. We've drank a lot (even went out of our way for a certain beer brand), ate and ate and ate a lot together, met up for yoghurt lots of times, watched performances, went on a craft shopping day, watched movies, SOS-ed for car tows, celebrated birthdays and we will have more fun together, I am sure.

So Plurk, belated happy birthday. You asked for a blog post and this is my little gift for you. Thank you so much for existing.

:-)
kat

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Birthday is Assessment Time

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 31 May 2010 16:57:00 +0000

For me, the time to assess my life is new year and my birthday.

Conveniently, both are exactly 6 months apart.

By now, my main objectives in life are more laid back and zeroed in to the more valuable. In the past, my main objective was just overcoming the toxic career path, even when I already had kids.

At 34, I have worked hard for things that I thought were important at that time.

I have experienced them all. I got headaches from overthinking strategies, designs, next steps. I have skipped sleep, stayed awake and tapped away while my workmates went home and slept, I left for work trips only to realize on my way home that my kid's birthday party was that afternoon, and I was late!, etc. etc. etc. I have gone on working trips carrying my tiny boy in his pajamas, still sleepy. I worked while he stayed in a corner of the conference room -- on a mattress, with toys, books and crayons.

At one point in my life, I have decided I wasn't going to miss any more of my sons' growing up years, and did it.

I stayed home, earned from home, went to school activities even if parents were not invited, and the like.

From being the absentee mother, I learned to be there. I learned it was important to listen to children and look them in the eyes while talking to them. I learned to open my heart because 1) it's the only way to get through the exhausting physical work of motherhood, and 2) because I finally want to.

That is why, at 34, assessing my life now... my greatest achievement really, is being told by random young people that they wished I was their mom.

According to my objectives in life, and what is important to me now... yes, that is my greatest achievement in 34 years.

Yes, I'm not the greatest mom since I suck at housekeeping. But then, they wanted a mom, not a housekeeper, so I guess I qualify. :-)

As for my sons, their assessment of me is very important to me, but these are things they won't really seriously appreciate until I've gone away, so let's give them a few more decades to think if they like me as their mom.

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Look Who's Blogging Now...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 14 May 2010 21:47:00 +0000

Can a 10 year old handle blogging?

Yes, I promised to monitor all his cyber foot prints, so don't worry.

I have found that blogging is good training for children. - It makes my kid conscious of writing correctly. Especially in these jejemon times, that is a big help.

He will learn good manners and how to treat people correctly in the net.
He will also learn to be cautious about the boundaries of the net world.
Most importantly, he gets lots of practice of how to organize information in his head. It's his inherent skill, fixing data neatly in his brain, but this is a great exercise.
Plus we have another thing we can sit down together for, to think, organize, laugh, and just... hang.

I wish my teen would be interested in blogging because of the many benefits I mentioned above. However, he is not interested. But you know how siblings go. What one has or does, will definitely pique the interest of the others.

I hope it'll be a long term thing, this blogging of his. I hope he'll learn to love writing.

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Product Review: CDO No Pork No Beans

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 11 May 2010 16:50:00 +0000

I wanted to try making chili con carne minus the hassle of puffing up the white beans overnight.

So I thought of using the beans in the pork and beans in cans. I was just planning to wash it thoroughly and cook it. To me all pork and beans brands are the same (plus we don't eat those) so I just got the first can I got hold of.

When I opened it, lo and behold!

The can had mostly sauce in it, and when I washed the sauce off, the can contained about a TABLESPOON of beans. About a centimeter high worth of measly beans.

I kid you not.

I'm accustomed to pork and beans without pork, but pork and beans WITHOUT PORK AND WITHOUT BEANS is robbery.

CDO shoulda just come out with a can and labelled it "sweet, rusty red sauce".

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Quick Book Review - Real Boys by William Pollack

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 11:18:00 +0000

I am currently reading "Real Boys" by William Pollack. It's an old book, published in 1998, but the issues are as real as today, as it was years ago.

I am just at chapter 5, but the book validates my gut feel all along:

Treat boys as carefully and thoughtfully as you would girls. Recognize the differences between them though.

Girls are talky2 and more affectionate, while boys are more energetic and action-oriented.

Also, boys can never have too much love.

They have fallen into the Boy Code trap for so long, they have been left lonely and afraid, behind the mask of toughness.
Boys need moms, they need dads. Single moms can raise a son as well, as long as the mom clarifies to herself what is her stand on masculinity.

Can't agree more.

So far, I have learned that you as a parent, should trust your instincts on the best way how to raise boys. You know your son and yourself best. You can teach the values you would want your son to have.

I look forward to finishing the book. In fact, I carry the book everywhere in the house, so that I can easily reach for it when I have the spare time. It's a good read. Do pick up a copy if you see one.

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Stimulate the Happy Hormones in your Child Through Sports

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 00:30:00 +0000

10-year old is taking taekwondo classes this summer. He's waited for about a year and now he's all happy and sunshiney taking his basic course. I enrolled him at the Diliman Preparatory School Summer Enrichment Taekwondo Program. The kids there have been winning competitions through the years, so I'm sure the coach is very capable.

Yesterday, I noticed that most kids were all smiley in class. This is regardless all the hard work in the lessons. Students have to run, stretch, concentrate on the movements, shout/ scream, kick, assist, jump, etc. There was also no age consideration in the tasks. Whatever the tiny yellow belt pre-schooler did, was the same task for the yellow belt teen.

And I thought, well, all this hard work brings about Endorphins, the natural happy drug in your body that is both a pain-reliever and a mood enhancer.

But then... this is also what I noticed in Boy Scouts (I think I've written about this somewhere). During Scouts Awarding Ceremonies, Boy Scouts and parents are all smiley and comfy in each other. I noticed that in Academic Awarding Ceremonies, there are some teens and parents who have a strained interaction. They like to scowl at each other. It makes me really thankful the teen and I don't.

However, as I pondered more about this, my eyes drifted to a late mom and student. The student was rushing to wear the taekwondo uniform. Mom tenderly lifted the kimono over the son's head and put it on. She fixed the belt and straightened the kimono. She nodded and gave her son a smile, a signal for the child to run and join the class.

Then my eyes wandered to the 50 parents and caregivers sitting patiently, waiting for their kids.

Ah, so endorphins can be one factor, but when parents make time for your activities, any kid would be all smiley regardless the hard work.

So parents, sports for your child can be an excellent idea. It's cliche but true.

Exercise makes kids happier. You may not be there each and every time like the other parents who can afford the time (like work at homeys like me). But you can participate by taking your child to class, or take a half-day off once or twice at the office so you can wait at the sidelines sometime.

Kids can feel you may not be able get away from the office, but you did. And that can stimulate their happy hormones as well.

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Mother Knows You Only Too Well, But...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 17:33:00 +0000

Let me guess. When you were a kid, you can name at least one mom (either yours or someone you know) who has said "I know you too well, I'm your mother." I'm guessing some of you moms also say that or are proud of yourselves for that.

My mom likes to say that for any of us sibs. It can get quite annoying if said in an unpleasant context.

Well, here's a newsflash - The inverse also holds true. Your child also knows you all too well. And this knowledge can be used in goodwill or otherwise.

- -

A few weeks back, 10 yr old wanted to attend a birthday party on a Sunday. And Sunday is Grandma day. "hmmm..." I told 10 yr old. "If your gran finds out you're attending a birthday party she'll say you are a (hidden comment #1). She'll also say, why did you (hidden comment #2). Do you think you are (hidden comment #3)?"

So that Sunday, we did visit grandma. Early afternoon, 10yr old told gran we were leaving early because he wanted to attend a party. Grandma's reply: "(hidden comment #1). (hidden comment #2). (hidden comment #3)." So we went home early. Even if we left with snide comments in the air, Leon wasn't glum as he usually would react. He was laughing... because everything I quoted was actually said!

- -

Recently, I finally consented for the boys to have a PSP thingy (a reward for their good grades, said the giver). The other day, I asked the boys to please put some cute games in so that I will borrow that thing sometimes. My teen put in something I really liked. A game similar to O2 Jam, where you're supposed to hit the keys simultaneously with the musical notes.

I couldn't help but smile, he knows me only too well...

- -

Yes, we do know our children only too well. But don't forget that our kids have brains and know you only too well back. Let us give our children leeway, because they're accommodating us as well.

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Earth Hour is Not Just About Lights Out

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 03:10:00 +0000

We've had fun for the last 2 Earth Hours in 2008 and 2009. We all went home to my mom's and we all chilled at lights out. We all played games in the dark in 2008 and sang our hearts out with a no-lights music jamming in 2009.

My teen with cousin playing chess no Earth Hour 2009

This year, we wouldn't be able to do Earth Hour together due to some stuff we have to attend to.

I decided to just have Earth Hour lights-out here at my home.

I know the nitpickers whine on about Earth Hour not making a dent on changing the planet. Okay. For me, it is more a reminder-event to love Mama Earth. And this is an especially nice occasion to teach our children to love her.

Niece with the poster outside our house
Early today I reminded Leon about some things on Earth Hour. I hope you'll also share some of the points with your kids. Please also tell your kids that Earth Hour is not just about saving electricity but also about:

Remembering to conserve water. But no, skipping taking a bath does NOT count.
Loving animals. Your pets plus others' pets plus animals as a whole.
Loving plants - Loving the soil and everything on it.
Being conscious of trash, and using stuff only as needed.
Keeping the house clean. Same as with your community.

I've said this before, but I believe it is only Mama Earth who can fully heal herself. However, if our generation and our kids' and their kids' etc etc love Mama Earth, then we can do little things to help and she can heal herself fully.

And now my favoritestestest Earth Hour 2008 photo:

Ghostie at Earth Hour? Nah, that's my mom in the dark, on a rocking chair. (lmao)

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When Your Teen is Sad

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 00:18:00 +0000

My teen-ager was visibly emotional yesterday.

Turned out his favorite teacher was leaving their school.

People in his class were all abuzz online, sad at this turn of events.

It is easy for us adults to rationalize something like this. It is easy to tell these teens life will go on.

However, for teen-agers, especially ones like my son who have built a personal relationship with a teacher, they can be heart broken.

Some Filipino kids will hear harsh words from their parents or guardians when they are suffering emotional distress. Some will have their feelings dismissed. Others will be told off, "Don't be so melodramatic!"

Me, I have always been a klutz at comforting and other forms of legitimate mush. All I can offer is not say anything at all, and not invalidate his feelings with the "life must go on" crap.

It is true, yes, but it's still crap for the griever.

When our kids were little, all we had to do was plant a kiss on the booboo, and they will be all-smiley again. When they grew a little, a soothing pat seemed to do it.

But now, things are different. They are learning to face their emotions now all by themselves. They will fix themselves up whatever you do in the background, whether you do something or none at all. Our kids need to experience their own sadness.

There is no point for us parents to shield them from everything. It is tough to learn that life continually changes. Most of the time, a happy phase in your life is mostly just that, a phase. You move on to the next phase, and you make your own happiness again. And so on and so forth.

It takes some effort to bite one's tongue and not react immediately to our teens'reactions. Sometimes they are totally just whining for the heck of it. But sometimes, there is a totally legitimate reason and we should just, as they tell us every now and then, "back off".

Just be patient and extend them respect. Their young tender age does not disqualify them from respect. Extend your teen children as much respect as you would your friend or word colleague.

They will come around, surely.

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Ways to Occupy (/Torture) Kids This Summer#1

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 04:42:00 +0000

Summer is here in the PH islands and kids everywhere are buckling up for the final exams. Summer means it's time for us moms to rack our brains on how to let them while away some of their time productively. Not to mention to also rack our brains on what to feed them while they're here at home for the next 2 months.

After my previous broken heart over kids' lack of literary motivation, I have decided to add some stuff to do here at home over the summer.

- Take up reading to my child again.
- Give their dang gadgets some legitimate productive use with audio books.
- Let my kid read to me.

Read to the big kid again

10 year old has always enjoyed my reading to him. A few weeks back, even if he is quite a grown little man already, he brought down his copy of Dr. Seuss' "The Lorax" and asked me to read it to him for old time's sake. I can only happily oblige. I guess there are some stuff from your parents that you never outgrow. In my house, it's me reading to them.

So, because of my concern about their lack or literary ehem motivation, this summer I pledge to read to 10 yr old again. BUT! I'm taking it a little too nerdy to the next level. I have decided to read to him all those nice and bad-ass English short stories written by the luminary Filipino writers in the early 20th century. Those are pretty great, really. And I think he'll be able to get those.

Audio Books

Got this inspiration from a Plurk pal, who uses audio books to occupy himself during long drives. There are lots of free e-books over at the Gutenbergproject.org. I will have to ask (but its actually, ehmm, require) them to complete listening to 1 audio book over several days. Ooh yes, I will ask questions. Sinister idea: why not OD them on audio books UNTIL they beg for the old school hard copy books? hehe... I will think about that.

Let 'em Do the Read- Aloud!

This time around, I should be the one to listen to them read aloud. Maybe short poems. I got this pretty cool book from Binondo "100 Tula na Nakakatuwa" (100 Amusing Poems ) by Julio F. Silverio. Those have mostly fun poems that I think even the most de-motivated reader will get a laugh out of.

Speaking of, I found a gold mine of classic literature books reprints at Merriam Webster in Binondo. Most of the reprints go for below P100 and there are A LOT of titles. So another assignment of mine is to get some and conveniently leave them cluttered around the house, in places where you can't help but reach for a book and read. (Such as the john).

Good thing that over at our other house, grandma's house, where we always go to congregate, my sister prepares for summer by buying the newest bestsellers for kids (last year, it was 39 Clues and Diary of a Wimpy Kid series for them) so at least the newer books are covered as well.

It really sucks to have a nerd mom. *Sinister laugh fades off into background...*

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Heart Broken Mom

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:22:00 +0000

Few weeks ago, 14 yr old was bugging me about a school project.

Instead of the boring book report,they were supposed to act out in front of the class a book character. It was a pretty cool assignment. You can't act out if you don't do your book report first. So it's both a book report AND theatrical assignment.

"Who should I do, mom?" Hmmm.. How about Holden Caulfield?

(Uncomprehending scowl)

Holden Caulfield? From Catcher in the Rye?

(Uncomprehending scowl)

As in THE Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger?

(Bored, and gave me the "I went on to the next universe" look) "Mom, I want to do someone that my teacher knows."

Heller, if your teacher is a real lit teacher, she'd know Holden Caulfield!

"No, she won't."

Arg! I haven't heard about the project after that.

Tuesday was presentation day. Monday night, these high school students were all aflurry over this project as evidenced by the voluminous IM messages, SMS tone alerts and voice calls hovering in the background.

Plus, I caught a glimpse from afar of a looong thread in Facebook where the classmates posted who they were to do.

By the simple chit chats I overheard, I realized that the only characters these high school teens mostly knew can be categorized to 2 groups: Fairy tales homies and dudes in books turned into movies.

As I am/ was a lit-junkie, all I can say is: HU-WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Sniff, sniff...

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Weirdo Dialogue

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 15:03:00 +0000

This happened last week but didn't get to write it down.

These fancy dialogues are a treat for me, so I might as well write these down for posterity. I'm sure we'll all have a laugh or two (or more) someday about these.

Last week, 10 yr old asked for money.

"Mom, cam i have money?"

"Look in my wallet. It's in the white bag"

As I have trained them to never get anything from my wallet, when they ask for money they get me the entire purse or wallet, and I'm the one who fishes about for the cash.

For someone who didn't like talking much until he was well past 4 yrs old, now this kid can't shut up.

As he looked rummaged through my purse, 10 yr old babbled in an automated voice :

"Searching....

searching...

Searching complete."

He walks towards me. More weirdness:

"Results found: One." And he hands me my wallet.

I swear, we're all talky-talky-communicative in the family, but I don't know where he gets the idea to go about like this.

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You Know They've Grown Again When...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 13:52:00 +0000

I've never done this to my kids, but some parents tell their kids "If you're bad, I will go away."

I knew my 10 year old has grown again when I told him before my night out, "If you're going to be so difficult, I will stay in and cancel. Watch me watch you the whole night."

Yeah, that pretty much got him behaved. I was able to go out. ;-)

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Parenting is Always a Series of Goodbyes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 03:34:00 +0000

Earlier, 9 yr old asked me to accompany him to buy a portable mp4 player. He had his own money so I went with him.

After buying, I told him we had to make a quick stop at McDonald's to get his brother a sandwich.

He begged me to let him go ahead home. I was quite surprised. The mall was right beside our village. There was only a short stretch and he would be at the guard house, but I was still hesitant.

After a minute or two (but inside my head, an eternity of debate has already run), I let him go.

But of course, I creeped towards the parallel path with a lot of people where he couldn't see me, and watched him walk away until he was a dot.

While stalking, I couldn't help but be reminded of how parenting is always a series of goodbyes.

You will soon have to say goodbye to the sleeping infant when he learns to crawl, then goodbye to the crawling baby when he learns to walk, then run (giving you a series of mini-heart attacks). Then he learns to play with you, and you say a little goodbye when he learns to make friends, goes to school, etc. etc. etc.

Soon enough, your child walks off away from you.

In parenting, changes are quick, and you have to keep up.

You can't really afford to cling on to one concept of what your child is. It's bad for the both of you.

You're trying to mold an independent person, and he can't really be independent if you stick only to what you've become accustomed to.

Well, I'm fine with always saying goodbye (and creeping stealthily as I watch the boys from a distance, hehehe).

What I can always just assure is that I'll always be around to say Hi!, regardless of my sons' age or status, when I'm needed. :-)

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When Brothers Finally Become Brothers

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 01:14:00 +0000

Could it be? Am I hearing right?

My 2 sons have always been polar. One is like this, the other is that. One is competitive, the other laid back. One is choosy of friends, the other Mr. Congeniality. During parties, one likes cake, the other ice cream (so I always HAVE TO get both). If I ask what do you guys want for dinner? Simultaneously, one will say "Fried," the other "Stewed".

My eldest is not the type who likes little kids, so you can imagine his orneriness to the younger brother. This plus being 5 years apart, you can somehow expect bullying and neglect.

My sibs and I started the same way. Super bullying and mega fights and hyperduper crying, until it all evolved into a relationship that is just too special for me. My love for those 2 dorks are a notch up above everyone else's.... sometimes, I think, more than I love my parents (weird, but true).

Back to the sons...

With all the boys' shouting and crying and even bodily violence when they were little, sometimes it broke my heart. Of course, I didn't show it. I just let the boys be who they are as a brother. Sometimes, when one expresses bad feelings about the other, I try to explain why the other was nasty while ALSO trying to not invalidate the feelings. They should be allowed to feel what they feel, and feel safe enough to share it.

When raising boys, it does not do good to encourage them to recognize their feelings and when they do, you overrule them because he felt bad about the sibling.

You can encourage peace, but not invalidate how they feel. You have to make boys see that it's safe for them to share feelings and they won't be shot down, even if the feeling is not so acceptable. They should feel accepted as they are, not only because they follow what is expected. I believe, when they feel safe, they will do what is expected of them voluntarily. I digress.

Anyhoo, I was praying that they'd grow and eventually be to each other what my sibs and I are to one another. - -

Last night, the brothers stayed up late. A little later, I can still hear them talking quietly. Then some quiet laughing, then more talk talk talk. This meant less than 8 hours sleep for the younger one, but I let them be. Just for this night, at least.

There was something different with their talk this time. A little more tender?... And their laughter, a little more honest than usual... It used to be that they only laughed like this only if there's a cousin or a friend around. But now, there's just them and that laughter is delicious to hear.

Finally, sibling bonds are kicking in. As for me, I can't contain my maternal giddiness. I can't stop smiling. It was a special night and I don't want to forget it.

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Wow, 2nd Son is Turning Human

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 07:07:00 +0000

If all kids want birthday parties, 2nd son has always preferred not to have one.

Each and every year, I ask him if he wants a birthday party: No.

How about I bring a simple snack for everyone in school: No.

How about having a kiddie party package in a burger joint: No.

I can't really say he's the shy type. Everywhere we go, at relatives' homes, the playground, day trip to the beach, etc. he always makes a friend or 2 or more.

This year though, he has finally acceded to hold a simple birthday at home. He says he just wants friends to eat over. WOOT! He's finally human. At 10 years old.

Happy birthday, human.

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