Motherhood Is Messy

Should Children Vote For Who Their Parent's Vote For?

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 06:47:00 +0000

This is a momentous election day this year. Not because of the economy, or a women's right to birth control but because it's the first election my oldest son is able to cast his vote in. We did the early voting thing so when mine and my husband's ballot arrived in the mail along with my son's it was exciting and unsettling at the same time. How did my little boy become old enough to cast his vote for the president of the United States? It was a proud moment to watch my nineteen year old son vote in his first election. I took a picture of his ballot and sat quietly while he chose his president. I thought I knew who he would vote for but I did not audibly say a word as he connected the arrow that pointed to his choice. I let out a sigh as he voted for the same candidate as his dad and I. It's great that in this election we agreed on the candidate, but more importantly in future elections I want him to vote for the person he believes will be the best candidate.

I encourage my children's ability to discuss and argue the issues with us, their peers, and themselves to determine their choice. I want my children to to vote their conscience not mine. I wonder how many parent's encourage robust discussion and independence rather than conformity to the family allegiance to a particular party.

Old Fashion American Summer Fun...Does It Still Exist?

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 21:07:00 +0000

Please welcome my guest today, Susie Beaty Green! She is an exciting up and coming author and I am happy to have her stop by today.

Susie Beaty Green holds a degree in English from the University of San Diego. She lives with her husband, their two daughters and their pets in a small beach community in California. Her first novel, Circle The Date is now available at Amazon.com

While having coffee/reading the paper with my husband, I stumbled upon a sentence written by James Herbert that has been rolling around on my tongue all day.

"We live in a coldly rational age, where every task is tallied, every last hour is accounted for............."

Although Mr. Hubert writes this in prelude to a theatre review in the San Diego Union Tribune, I haven't been able to shake the notion of how much this concept applies to how we raise our children today. Every last minute is accounted for whether it be with sports commitments, academic study (every moment from day one of kindergarten leading up to the mother of all standardized tests, the all important SAT), or a wide variety of other valuable, yet time consuming, activities. I have to wonder where the “care free days of summer” have gone and if this generation will ever connect with that Americana version of summertime.

My challenge to both myself and to you, Cheryl’s readers, is this: Schedule some days to schedule nothing. Sometimes I literally have to put a red X on my calendar as a visual reminder to myself that specific days are off limits for any lessons, tutoring, or appointments. If I'm really feeling parentally bold, I even declare the day a "no screen day" which speaks to screens both big and small -- the television to the iPad to the iPhone, etc.

Provide a few props like paint and canvases, classical music, plastic wear that can be used to make mud pies in the garden, ingredients for making pizza or cookies, a new Frisbee, bottles of bubbles or even some 'old fashioned' game they have never heard of like Jacks or Pick up Sticks and simply see what happens. In my house I find that these days usually result in the production of dozens of cookies and often a self choreographed dance or self-written play that is preformed for us, complete with home made tickets and popcorn or elaborate 'forts' engineered via moving every piece of furniture in the house and using every bed sheet too. I will admit, my imperfections do sometimes flare when I realize the loads of laundry I am facing but I try to swallow the inconvenience factor and relish the knowledge that imagination is at work in my home and these moments are fleeting and memorable.

Give it a try and report back. I am anxious to know what fun, creative, even genius, non-structured activities come out of your non-scheduled, carefree days of summer.

Susie Beaty Green

Mother's Day Is Simple...Just Tell Me

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Sat, 12 May 2012 00:11:00 +0000

Photo Credit

I'm not a fancy shmancy kind of mom when it comes to celebrating Mother's Day. Maybe it's because when I was growing up my mom wasn't either. I really love the sentiment of "keep it simple" when it comes to Mother's Day. The perfect Mother's Day for me is an uninterrupted day spent by the pool with my family barbecuing. And if they could prepare breakfast too that would be great.

Apparently there is a lot of money spent on Mothers Day. The National Retail Federation expects Americans to spend $19 billion on the holiday this year. That number sounds astounding to me however, mothers deserve it! But my hope is that beyond the flowers, candy, and brunches purchased that sincere authentic expressions of love and appreciation are expressed from those who love us and to those we love.

At the core of every mom’s heart is a spot that needs to be affirmed.

Hallmark did a wonderful campaign this Mother's Day in their TV commercials and of course that's why they will get a substantial chunk of the 19 billion all of us are spending. The title of the commercial is "Tell Mom." The commercial really taps into what I think every mom really wants. Moms want to be told by the children we are raising, or our husband, that through all the messy moments we go through as moms that our family really sees our heart, and the love we pour into their lives every moment of every day.

Tell Me you miss me

Tell Me you appreciate me

Tell Me I'm doing this right

Tell Me you're proud of our family

Tell Me that you're not disappointed

Tell Me you want to spend time with me

Tell Me that the notes in your lunch box matter

Tell Me that even when we argue you still love me
Tell Me that you think I am raising our children well

Tell Me that I have built a home that you want to come home to

Tell Me that even though I don't do everything right that you still love me

(Tell Me by Hallmark and Motherhood Is Messy)

Keep it simple and tell your mom this Mother's Day how you feel and begin to teach your young children that a monetary gift is always appreciated but that the authentic "thank you" and sharing of their heart is literally priceless to a mom.

Happy Mother's Day to my fellow moms!!! Good job this year, and keep up the good work. Even through the messy moments you are still fabulous!!!

He Made It Through Freshmen Year Of College...And So Did I!

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Wed, 09 May 2012 02:54:00 +0000

He's back...my oldest son has just completed his freshmen year of college! He is back home for the summer and settling in quite well. He had all of his boxes from the dorm unpacked and his room completely cleaned and organized within two days...ya he's a neat freak...so that works out well for me.

He has been home for six days and there really hasn't been much of an adjustment we all seem to be settling back into our natural family rhythms. However, our grocery bill has already grown exponentially in his first week home. When you have two sons there really just isn't any way around the astronomical grocery bill or if there is I would love to know how. Although my younger son eats constantly he doesn't eat the quantity of food my oldest son does so we have become the "all you can eat" dining hall meal plan instead of the university.

My two sons have been getting along really well. They bond over what they want to eat next and actually have been cooking for each other. They got along before my oldest left so I figured it would continue and it has.

Its a relief knowing that my son has made it through his freshman year safely and without any negative incidents. He said it was the best year of his life and completely worth any amount of money. He was involved in so many things on campus this year and he excelled academically... ya its good thing considering that's what he went there for.

I was nervous about him going away to college, but I knew the time had come. I have learned a lot during this last year about what the first year of college may look like for a family. It's different for every family. In discussing this year with my son's friends I have learned that many issues are handled differently for each student. So I will be covering some of these issues like finances, academics, partying, communication or lack of it in hopes that it may help you through the first year of college.

Knowing how to prepare your child and yourself can make the transition easier but to be honest living through it is the only way to know exactly what it entails and how each family member is going to feel. That being said it helps tremendously to know that other families have gone through the bumps and ups downs and made it through to the other side.

I look forward to sharing more about college prep this summer but in the mean time settle in and enjoy graduation...its right around the corner!

Moms, Are You Getting Your Business Done?

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 19:11:00 +0000

Photo Credit Kenneth Cratty

"Are you getting your business done?" On the sitcom The Middle Frankie, the mom, attends a new church and the pastor poses the question..."are you getting your business done?" As a wife, mother, daughter and friend I sometimes wonder if I am getting my business done. Am I fulfilling my destiny? What is my destiny? Do you ever struggle with wondering if your destiny is any bigger than the sink full of dishes, the piles of laundry, and the over flowing trash can?

When mothers are in the trenches raising the children and working isn't that "the business we’re getting done?" Because I really don’t know how we think we have time to accomplish much more. Raising balanced, confident, successful children is a full time job or destiny. We are in fact creating a destiny by raising really great kids. Our children are a piece of our legacy. So how come we lose sight of that? Sometimes doing this all consuming task of actually raising up human beings leaves us looking for more. I believe we are wired to look for more.

We continuously feel like what we are currently doing isn't enough. There is a feeling of discontentment among moms sometimes because we are continually looking outward at all of the other things that others are accomplishing in the world. And I think that's great. We as women should always be looking, reaching, and aspiring to help and create a better place, community or world. But having said that remember that as a mother whether you work outside the home or are a stay at home mom that the daily impact you make on your family is the biggest piece of yourself you will ever leave behind. You are "taking care of business" by creating children who will go out into the world and make it better and then they will have children who will then do the same. Raising our children is not our only destiny for sure but if you’re in the trenches right now and feel frustrated or unfulfilled just know that your children will grow up quickly and you will then be able to freely pursue any all "business."

I'm not saying you can't raise children and pursue another one of your destinies I just could't figure out how to do both at the same time.If you can balance your life, raise little ones, and fulfill another destiny at the same time I would love to hear from you. For me just finding my destiny is a journey that is filled with ups and downs. One day it seems as though I know what my next chapter is going to be and the next day just doing those dishes is just fine with me.

Prom 2012...Chivalry Is Not Dead

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 05:12:00 +0000

It’s beginning to look a lot like spring! The birds are singing, flowers are blooming, the grass is greener and oh yeah it’s time for prom! If you have a teen you know prom season is right around the corner.

Between my two sons I'm on prom number three and I have to tell you that chivalry has not died. Back in the days of the knight’s chivalry was defined as courtesy, kindness and good manners especially towards women. And I have to say that something honorable and quite chivalrous comes out in young men when it is time to ask a young lady to the prom. It’s really quite amazing!

Young men actually trade in technology for down right old fashioned methods of asking a young lady to prom. Everyday my son shares with me the newest method in which a guy has asked a girl to prom. We’re talking really extreme creative ideas too. Facebook is covered in photos of how the guy popped the question to prom. Since technology overwhelming runs our teens lives (ours too) you wouldn’t think that teen boys would have the creativity or desire to get back to basics but they do. And I have to hand it to them they pull out all the stops. The guys use poems, songs, posters, paint, elaborate scavenger hunts, photos, clues and even get down on one knee at public school events that take place before prom to ask their young lady to the prom.

The girls seem to be more sensitive during the prom season too. My son has shared with me that many of his girlfriends have been asked to prom by a guy that may not have been the girl’s first choice, but they politely accept anyway. This is refreshing!

Another unexpected perk during the prom season is that the teens actually invite the parents to partake in the photo op before prom. I know can you believe it? The teens actually want us there to take their picture! This seems to be wide spread among all the different groups of teens. All over Facebook you can read about all the teens pre prom dinner and meeting place arrangements and they all say "invite your parents to meet us there for photos." I know don't fall off your chair!

It’s exciting to see your son or daughter get "dressed to the nines" for the first time and experience a proper date. So during this short prom season enjoy the chivalrous behavior, old fashioned dating rituals, and take lots of photos because you may not be invited to see your teen with their friends again until this time next year.

Does The Hoodie Need To Be Recalled?

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 00:16:00 +0000

Photo Credit

Have I been living under a rock? I feel like I'm pretty well versed in our hip culture since I have two sons, one in high school and one in college. But for some reason I am completely baffled by the hoodie defense when it comes to the tragic shooting of Trayvon Martin.

Has there been a problem in our society that I don't know about regarding African American young men wearing hoodies? To hear the news today it makes it sound like everyone knows it’s scary to see teens and especially African American and Latino teens in hoodies. WHAT? Since when? When did wearing a hoodie make a teen dangerous?

My son's love hoodies doesn't every kid? They proudly wear their hoodie plastered with their school logo or favorite sports team, and my husband even pulled out his hoodie from Disneyland last week. Is the hoodie now the equivalent of wearing a ski mask? That's what it sounds like to me. You know if you see someone wearing a ski mask (no matter their race) that covers their face that you may want to take precautions because traditionally ski masks are only worn to conceal someone’s identity while committing a crime or maybe for a Halloween costume. But a hoodie? Come on!

This is not an indictment on what actually occurred in this tragedy but rather a commentary on the absolute absurdity that a piece of everyday clothing that all of us wear of every race, and ethnicity can become a "reason" for being able to pull a trigger and distinguish someones precious life. If this piece of clothing, the "hoodie", is now synonymous with the potential to commit a crime then I guess all hoodies should be recalled.

Rest in peace Trayvon and God Bless your family.

The Circle Of Life Is Complete

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 20:02:00 +0000

I've been thinking a lot about the movie the Lion King the last few days. The Lion King was the first movie my oldest son ever saw in the movie theater. When the movie came out on VHS he would watch the movie repeatedly. When it would end he would ask me to play it again. I still have that original VHS tape and it will be a wonderful relic to show my grand children some day. I remember one of the most beautiful songs from the sound track being the "Circle of Life." The song really becomes more than just profound lyrics though when the words to the Circle of Life become real and the Circle of Life is unfolding for your own family.

My husband got a call from his mom on Tuesday telling him that his dad was in the hospital. His dad is 82 and a very healthy, vibrant man. He had hip surgery six weeks ago and became weak about six days ago. When they took him to the hospital they found a blood clot in the lung most likely from the hip surgery, and easily treated. But the shocker came when they ran more tests which led to an MRI. The MRI revealed a brain tumor and massive tumors throughout the body.

Since we live in Arizona and his parents are in upstate New York the process began to get my husband back home to see his father as quickly as possible. I urged my husband to go so that he could share the last words that may ever be spoken between the two of them. I told him there are no "do over’s." If you want to spend quality time with your dad it's now or never. His father returned from the hospital yesterday with hospice just minutes before my husband arrived at their family home. When my husband walked through the door his father said "there’s my boy." And with those simple words the 3,000 mile journey home to his father was complete. The Circle of Life that is filled with faith, hope, love, and unfortunately despair now has a complete ending between my husband and his father. We are forever connected to our parents no matter the age or distance it is the “Circle of Life.”

It's the Circle of Life

And it moves us all

Through despair and hope

Through faith and love

Till we find our place

On the path unwinding

In the Circle

The Circle of Life

Eight Guidelines For The Dating Teen Who Would Like To Be Identified As A Lady Or Gentleman

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 20:03:00 +0000

Please welcome back my guest Susie Beaty Green! She is an exciting up and coming author and I am happy to have her stop by today.
Susie Beaty Green holds a degree in English from the University of San Diego. She lives with her husband, their two daughters and their pets in a small beach community in California. Her first novel, Circle The Date will be available this spring.

Photo Credit

I've put a great deal of thought into this lately. It seems that in the world of vast technological advances, our children are tech geniuses by the time they are first graders but may have slipped backwards a few rungs on the evolutionary ladder when it comes to basic human communication and what has been so cleverly deemed “emotional intelligence”.

The simple things: direct eye contact, a firm handshake, polite conversation, seem to be lacking in so many children, and my take on it is that while we may be developing children who will succeed in the new, fast paced world of technology, we may also be doing them a huge disservice by failing to teach the fundamentals of effective human communication.

This conversation has popped up at several dinner parties that my husband and I have recently attended as most of our good friends have similarly aged children. Many of us have suddenly found ourselves parents of 16 year old girls. Our daughter has not yet embarked on a ‘date’ (she says while biting her nails in nervous anticipation of the inevitable), but her friends are beginning to dabble in the very clumsy art of teenage dating rituals.

The general consensus among our circle of friends is that well-mannered kids seem to be few and far between. The good news, I pointed out, is that the gap really allows those who do have manners to stand out in the crowd. Of course, the bad news is that no one wants their child dating a snotty fellow teenager who will no doubt impact/influence them and, perhaps, ‘un-do’ some of your good works.

Last night over Mexican food with two other couples, our conversation regarding a recent high school dance sparked the ‘dating’ topic. Even though a small element of opposing opinions were expressed, here are a few general rules we came up with.

In case you are interested in the demographic of the group, we were made up of three married couples, age ranged early 40s to early 50’s, all parents of teens and ‘tweens of both genders and can be most basically identified as: one surgeon, one tax accountant, one mechanical engineer, and three stay at home moms who largely act as personal concierges for our ever busy families.

Eight General Guidelines for the Dating Teen Who Would Like to Be Identified as a Lady or Gentleman:

1.While it may be acceptable to ask a potential date out via text, when it comes to actual plans, a phone call still seems more appropriate (we all agree, our age may be too influential here and the text/phone call element does beg some flexibility. Who are we to fight the wave of the future?

2.Boys MUST come to the door prepared to shake hands with his date’s father (or fill in the blank’ parent/guardian in charge)

3.Children must disclose an itinerary – where are they going plus general timeline

4.Curfew set by parents must be adhered to. Lack of respect for curfew will have consequences attached

5.Children must be made aware that there is no grey area when it comes to accepting a ride with anyone who is not a legally licensed driver (Check your state laws. Some newly licensed drivers may only be allowed to drive siblings but not legally able to drive peers until a certain age)

6.Children must be made aware that there are no grey areas when it comes to driving with someone intoxicated. No matter what the situation, this is a rule NEVER to be BROKEN.

7.Children must agree to have their cell phones on their person so that, if necessary, parental communication is an option

8.Girls MUST be reminded to genuinely thank their date for the invitation and the nice time (whether a truly nice time was had or not). Expressing appreciation cannot be overlooked.

I am interested to see if the Motherhood Is Messy readers have additional rules or guidelines to add to this list as I'm sure we have only just touched the surface of this many faceted subject.

Healthy Homework Habits Teach More Than You Think

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 03:21:00 +0000

There have been many studies on the importance or lack of importance of homework, how often teachers should assign it, and how much homework is appropriate for each grade level and how it effects our children's academic achievements. This argument has been going on for many years with evidence to support both sides of the issue.

But until this argument is settled and it trickles down into your school, and more importantly into your child's classroom I believe it is our job as parents to embrace the expectations of the teacher your child has that particular school year. Now if there are unreasonable, out of line homework assignments, or projects that just don't seem to be what the other fourth grade teachers are doing it is time to speak with the teacher or principal. But all in all I taught my boys over the years to accept the homework that is given and do it with a great attitude and to the best of their ability.

The controversy over how much and how often homework should be assigned is important, but I also believe that homework serves a greater purpose than academic achievement. Homework is the beginning of teaching our children so many other life skills that if properly embraced can teach them far greater things than their multiplication tables, and how to build a volcano.

Our kitchen table is probably the most important place in our home. It has been the witness to countless hours of tears and triumphs throughout my boy's school years. The kitchen table is where my boy's did all of their homework everyday until about ninth grade. I sat at the kitchen table with my boy's everyday until they were in seventh grade while they did their homework.

The time we shared together doing their homework fostered so many good times, frustrations, laughs and a few break downs along the way. But ultimately it taught them how to have a strong work ethic, how to work under a time line, to accept what someone in authority (their teacher) has given you them even when they felt it wasn't fair, and the sense of pride for a job well done.

Here is what I learned in hindsight that worked for us in navigating through the homework maze.

Attitude Adjustment- Okay, I have to say it. When I talk about having a good attitude your probably thinking I'm referring to the kid's attitude, but I'm not. Sometimes it's the parents that need to remember to have a good attitude when it comes to homework. It is so important during the early years to create a positive outlook on education. If the parent is hum drum, and always complaining about the amount of homework and wishing the child would hurry up already that can be a problem. Parents set the tone and foundation of the child's outlook on homework and education. On those days when homework becomes tedious, and you cannot stand it if they ask you one more time what 2X2 equals. Take a deep breath or a time out and adjust your attitude!
Gather Round-Many books and websites recommend a designated study area for kids, this is great, but I found that my boys did not like to be isolated when doing homework until high school. All throughout elementary school the kitchen table was the best solution because it was centrally located which made them feel like they were not missing out on anything, which in turn actually allowed them to focus better. Once homework became more intense in high school they did migrate to their own desk and computers in their room.
Parent Cheerleader-Although I was sitting at the kitchen table during their homework time I wasn't hoovering or helping them with every question. I would do my bills, read a book, paint my nails, or start dinner. The point is that I was there to sit down at the same time everyday to be a support and encourager if they had a question or became flustered.
Prioritize- The act of sitting down at the same time everyday in the same spot since they were in kindergarten started a habit. They knew that homework was a priority and that by completing it early in the afternoon it would give them the rest of the evening to do what they wanted. As they got older and I knew they were taking respnsibility for their homework I didn't mind if they wanted to relax first and chill becasue they had learned the importance of prioritizing by then.
Time Management-In about fourth grade when they began getting the bigger projects for science and social studies it was a great opportunity to begin teaching time management skills. We would get out the calendar look at the due date of their project then put our extracurricular commitments on the calendar and then write in when they would have time to work on the project so that there was no last minute, night before, panic episodes.

Up until my boys got smart phones, in the last two years, they both still used an

old fashioned calendar to plan out their weeks. Now they use their

phones with the fancy calendars and alarms for reminders. But I really don't

think if they had not had the years of using a calendar to keep organized that they

would know how to manage their time like they do now.

Fun- Most importantly have fun! Some of our best times together was working on the big artistic 3-D projects that were oh so endlessly required. My boy's would come up with their ideas then we would make a supply list together and go off to Joann's or Michaels. We would embrace their creativity and help with the hot glue gun or wood burning tool. We had so many laughs and good times during the projects. I also photographed every single project they did. I believe photographing their hard work made them feel that their time and effort was worth while.

Let me know what you do to foster the importnace of your child's education and the dreaded homework ritual that occurrs in every household.

Kids And Manners

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 00:30:00 +0000

Please welcome my guest today Susie Beaty Green! She is an exciting up and coming author and I am happy to have her stop by today.

Susie Beaty Green holds a degree in English from the University of San Diego. She lives with her husband, their two daughters and their pets in a small beach community in California. Her first novel, Circle The Date will be available this spring.

Photo Source

It used to be easy. As a teenager, if I had a question about proper manners, I would consult the copy of Emily Post that sat on the bookshelves in our family room along with the A-Z set of Encyclopedia Britannica. Today, while there are certainly some nice books on manners, I find the whole topic has fewer boundaries than it once did. Some may argue that it makes for a nicer, more accepting world if there is less rigidity about manners. I firmly stand on the other side of this argument and propose that in today’s world, with all its advancing technology, manners are more important than ever. As our kids navigate through their childhoods and propel towards college, sound social skills are still a necessary part of the education they deserve before they leave the nest.

I think it’s important to remember that the simplified definition of “good manners” is simply “behavior that makes others feel good.” This, I find is the best way to explain why we begin with the most simple etiquette lessons when they are still in their high chairs: i.e. “It makes me feel so good when you want your sippy cup and you say “please”. While our teenagers sometimes feel like they know it all and don’t need to take advice from their ancient parents, I find it’s really the best way to describe why manners are important at their developmental stage too.

In today’s technological age, for instance, we all know there exists huge, almost un-limitless opportunity for social faux pas and I’m not even talking about the extreme cases of social deviation like teenaged sexting or cyber bullying. I’m referring to the sometimes careless actions of human beings whose frontal lobes are simply not fully developed. I honestly believe that, while the malicious inappropriate behavior does exist out there, often times, kids don’t mean to snub. They just don’t have the maturity to think their actions through and that’s where they need our guidance.

Here are a few things to throw out at the dinner table tonight or during your next long drive to the basketball championships.

1.If you’ve had a party or outing to which only a portion of your friends have been invited, don’t plaster your Facebook wall with photos of what a wonderful time you had – that’s not using Facebook, its using “In Your Facebook”. Use the program’s setting to send the photos only to those who were in attendance.

2. While most invitations these days among teenagers are exchanged via Evite or Facbook, younger children still use cute paper invitations. Be sure to mail them to guests as opposed to passing them out at school or soccer practice to avoid any hurt feelings.

3. When speaking on your cell phone – especially if it’s regarding plans you are making, keep your voice down. Everyone doesn’t need to hear who you’re going to the movies with later – especially someone who may not be included.

4. If planning a group outing for a sports team, scout troop, church group, etc., it is imperative that you include all the group’s members. Don’t have a swim party for your entire ballet class with the exception of the one girl you don’t like. If it’s an event attached to some kind of group activity, invite everyone or don’t have it at all. You can get together with those you have become closer friends with in smaller groups as not to make one or two individuals feel excluded.

Of course, the list continues on and on and is almost as limitless as cyber space itself. What I like to tell my children is “you don’t have to like everyone but you do have to treat everyone with respect.”

Manners are the tool that helps others feel at ease around us and make social interactions more civilized and enjoyable. Manners can get very, very specific and even complicated for certain types of events. But for most of us, in everyday life, using manners really just boils down to following the Golden Rule we were all taught in kindergarten. Treat others like you, yourself, would like to be treated.

How do you handle teaching manners to your kids in this crazy, busy, cyber world? Are you more relaxed or do you like to be a little more traditional and proper?

Friday's Fabulous Finds

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 12:00:00 +0000

When I was compiling my list for today's Friday's Fabulous Finds I had some really awesome information to share with you that would be really helpful but then I received a link to watch a video from one of my son's close girlfriends. After I watched the video I knew that nothing I had to offer today could compare to what I may be able to do by sharing this information with my readers.

Unless you have a teenager you may not have heard about what this video has to say and if you have heard about this before you have not heard the newest update and what is being done to end this atrocity by December 2012. The young people around the world have become so passionate about this issue that it will make you very proud of our youth. I'm not even going to attempt to to tell you what you will see in the video it is too profound and bone chilling to even try to add my words to what is already expressed so well.

The video below is about 30 minutes. Stop right there...I know what your thinking. Your thinking I don't have 30 minutes to sit here and watch this video- I got things to do. Well, most likely you are a parent or you wouldn't be reading my blog so if you are a parent you need to know what is happening to these children. Honestly you do have 30 minutes it just depends on how you choose to spend it today. And if you have kids in 7th grade or above watch it with them. There is something we can all do and it is free.

After you watch the video go to their website. I was really impressed with how they set up photos of the most influential people in our nation. And all you have to do is click on their photo and an automatic tweet will go out to them concerning this issue. They really have utilized Facebook and Twitter to absolutely make a difference a world away.

So gather around with your family watch, discuss, and then take a little action. Come on you get to utilize social media how bad can it be?

It's Friday and you have found a really fabulous find...what will you do with it?

Do You Or Your Kids Suffer From FOMO?

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:10:00 +0000

Photo Credit

There appears to be a new phenomenon on the rise concerning our social behavior and the elusive cyber world. I recently read an article in Shape magazine which was directed toward adults and how they can avoid the pitfalls of this phenomenon. But while I was reading it all I could think about was that this is exactly what kids are obsessed with and it is so unhealthy for them. We now have one more problem we need to monitor when it comes to our children's mental health in relation to cyber space.

How often do your kids check on their number of Twitter followers, Face book "likes," or creep on (creep on- a term used by teenagers when people creep or look at someones Face Book page too intently) their friends latest and greatest photos and their adventurous weekend outings? All of this cyber connecting may make them feel "connected," but it can also make them feel unworthy and keep them constantly comparing their life to other kids. According to psychologists this is called "the grass is greener thinking" which can lead to "Fear Of Missing Out" now referred to as FOMO.

FOMO can generate a lot of anxiety in kids and adults, (yeah that's you and me) when they are constantly viewing other peoples status updates and the awesome things that they always appear to be achieving. Sherry Turkle, Ph.D., Director of MIT's Initiative on Technology & Self states that

"while people always seem to be leading more exciting lives than we are, it's important to keep in mind that they typically share an ideal representation of themselves online."

Most people put up the exciting vacation pics, awesome party shenanigans, and super fun status updates, but kids have a hard time understanding this. When tweens usually get into the social cyber world at about thirteen that is precisely the time that they are constantly feeling less than, left out, and not good enough. So when they see how "cool" their friends life is it can really generate anxiety and stress.

How to minimize FOMO:

Discuss the actual phenomenon with your child. Awareness can go along way to pulling back the veil so that they understand that everyone wants everyone else to think that their life is perfect...but no ones Face book timeline is perfect and niether is real life.
Minimize cyber space time if possible. Break the obsessive need to keep "checking" to see what is going on by engaging your children in other meaningful activities so that they are actually creating their own memories, not reading about their friends.
Most importantly remember that our children learn by example. So if your suffering from FOMO it's hard do expect your children to have a healthy attitude toward their cyber life if you don't.
Ask the question, "why are you so concerned with what everyone else is doing all of the time?" You may find out some interesting information from your child that you can use to help redirect their thoughts and actions.

Do you think FOMO is a problem in your household? If so what do you do manage it?

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 02:53:00 +0000

Welcome to Friday's Fabulous Finds!

I'm looking for your best, useful, interesting, finds

Go to my contact page (right over there to your right) and submit your

DIY Idea, Yummy Recipe, Blog Post, Tech Stuff , Tip or Trick

Then on Fridays I will link up to your find!

Friday's Fabulous Finds will be a helpful, fun mix of

useful, creative, interesting, fun tidbits to share with others

Can't wait to see your Fabulous Finds!!!

Make sure to leave me your email address, website address and link or idea.

You Are Not The Sum Of Your Past Mistakes

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 21:01:00 +0000

The profound lyrics to this song by the band Tenth Avenue North is a message that our children need to know is available to them. And to be quite honest I think many of us as parents could benefit from this message as a reminder to forgive ourselves for our past. It addresses the fact that choices can be painful and have serious ramifications, but that there is hope for a brighter future.

As you see all of the messages that our written on the chalk board in the back ground of the video I think you will be able to relate to the difficult situations that everyone encounters through out life. Sometimes all we can see is that huge chalk board full of our poor choices, mistakes, and regrets. But by the end of the video the chalk board begins to be wiped clean. Mistakes will be made but children need to know that they can have hope, and a chance to start new and clean everyday. Although there will always be consequences for their actions there is always a new day and hope.

If you or your child are going through a difficult time these lyrics may be an encouraging reminder!

You are more than the choices that you make

You are not the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create

You have been remade

What Do You Know For Sure?

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 03:35:00 +0000

Photo Credit Pixomar

What do you know for sure? This crazy world in which we live can take us on some pretty interesting twists and turns and through it all we learn some great lessons, or truths that we didn't have the benefit of knowing when we started out on our journey.

As a woman, mom, wife, daughter, sister, or friend what do you know- that you know- that you know- that you know? What is it that you don't have to wrestle with anymore? What kernel of truth have you finally come to know and don't have to struggle with or think about anymore?

When we gain clarity or truth in any area of our lives it can change things so dramatically. Even if the truth we discover seems so tiny or inconsequential to someone else it can be a dramatic change for us. Any shift in thinking or in our attitude toward something or ourselves can be a welcome breath of fresh air, peace, or contentment.

I believe there are universal and spiritual truths that everyone can benefit from no matter what your personal or religious beliefs are. For instance forgiveness; no matter where you stand on your religious or personal beliefs about forgiveness numerous studies have found that forgiveness is healthy for the mind, body, and soul. Everyone can attain a better quality of life when they extend forgiveness to others but until that becomes a true belief in your own life you will continue to struggle in that area.

Okay, so here is the thing that I know-that I know- that I know... I know that my feelings or emotions can change several times within a day and sometimes even from hour to hour. Since I now realize that my feelings and emotions can fluctuate so frequently, and most of the time without a concrete reason that I can point to I have accepted it. I have come to know that the way I feel won't last forever. So now I have the freedom to accept that particular feeling and not get down about that fact that I do feel a particular way. I know that "this too shall pass." Knowing this makes me more free. I don't worry about every mood or emotion anymore. I have come to know that the mind and body will "feel" certain ways but that this is not who I am. Feelings will come and go, and I will float with them instead of obsessing over them.

Let's start the Conversation...

What do you know for sure? No insight is too small! What have you come to know as truth in your life?

Encouraging Our Children Makes Them Confident Leaders

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 01:48:00 +0000

Photo Credit Stuart Miles

Most days begin early with packing lunches, a quick bowl of cereal, a lost shoe, and homework that can't be found. After the daily morning carpool the various errands and household duties that have been ignored or pushed to the bottom of the “to do” list come calling once again. Before you know it the kids are home and dinner is devoured in between baseball and ballet. Soon the night time chaos of dishes, bath time, and bedtime will ensue and when you finally lay your head down the never ending “to do” list will occupy your thoughts and when you awaken you will get to do it all over again.

As the daily grind takes place 24/7 and parent's are consumed with meeting all of their children's physical needs its easy to forget that children need to be encouraged early and often along this bumpy ride. As mom's not only do we have to wipe noses, prepare meals, and bandage scraped knees we have to remember to encourage our children which results in children having more confidence, higher self esteem, and allows them to believe that they can achieve great things.

Encouraging our children needs to be done not only when problems arise but when things are going well too. Giving encouragement when things are going well builds children up and acts as a future reservoir for them to withdraw from when things go poorly.

The national championship head basketball coach, Billy Donovan, of the University of Florida believes that one of the most important things he does in building young kids into tomorrows leaders is encouraging them. Former NFL Super Bowl coach Tony Dungy, believes that "nothing does more to lubricate the rough spots than a good dose of encouragement."

We know that not every situation calls for encouragement. Our children are constantly learning and making mistakes and sometimes they will need to be corrected, redirected, or disciplined in order to learn or change their behavior. But Tony Dungy poses this question in his book The Mentor Leader, "Who really benefits from discouragement? More often than not, encouragement is exactly what is needed."

We have all seen the light in our children’s eyes diminish when we are harsh or critical. But a smile, hug or simple approving word can brighten their face and mold them into confident people. So the next time the busyness of the day sucks up your patience, zaps your energy and leaves your softer side drained remember that when dealing with your children that "correction does much, but encouragement does more" Goethe

There are so many simple things we can do to encourage our children. I like to text a special message, write a note, or compliment my children on something they did that week that was well done. How do you like to show encouragement?

Can Our Lives Be Condensed To a 40 Second Video OR Photograph?

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 23:18:00 +0000

One year in 40 seconds from Eirik Solheim on Vimeo.

As I was perusing the internet I found this amazing video titled One Year in 40 Seconds. It captures a beautiful meadow and all of the sights and sounds that the four seasons have to offer. I have always been fascinated with photographs, video, and the passing of time especially since I have become a mother. As I watched this video it struck me that no matter what transpires in life the only constant is the changing of the seasons and the passage of time; and you can't stop or control either.

When my children were young I loved the concept of photographing them everyday in order to capture the tiny, minuscule, changes that some how turn our little babies into wondering toddlers, adventurous kindergartners, and into independent tweens that magically blossom into young men and women that are ready to grab life and live out their own exciting adventures.

Well, I did not have the dedication or that little amount of obsessive behavior that it would have required to photograph my children everyday, even if it were only for the first year of their life, but I do have thousands of photographs. Sometimes though when I look at the photos, I think… that's not enough, or what did their toes look like at that particular age.

Our camera lens, hearts, and memories can only capture and retain so much. But a camera lens can never capture the fullness of a mother’s heart, the joy that is unspeakable, and the love that runs so deep and wide that words are not sufficient. There are certain moments that can only be captured on a spiritual level and can never be reproduced and that is what makes each moment of life so unique.

Although it would be amazing to see our children's childhood transformed into a 40 second video or one of those cute little flip books kids so enjoy making it would leave out all the beautiful nuances, glances, smells, and laughs, that make up a mother and child relationship. So, the seasons will continue to change, time will pass, and with it our children will grow and since we can't slow it down or change it... embrace it, live it, feel it. When you're fully present and enjoy each season of your life then you become full and satisfied and ready for the next beautiful season and all it has to offer.

What Steps Can You Take Now To Teach Your Children To Manage Their Health Care Later?

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 06:44:00 +0000

Source

As a mom when I write about parenting and family issues on this blog I am continually trying to apply practical knowledge that will assist parents in thinking ahead in terms of what they are teaching their children now that will be used in the future by their children. One of the areas that parents may not think too much about is whether or not their children will be able to manage their own health once they leave home. Are you teaching your children how to become self aware, empowered patients that can manage their own health care when they get sick?

Let me clarify, most children leave home around 18 or 19 for college, the military, to travel the world, or move to their own apartment and when they do mommy won’t be accompanying them to the doctor’s office for the normal sore throat, sinus infection, or yearly physical. So what are the steps that you can be taking now to teach your children along the way that will empower them to be savvy patients later?

My son is eighteen and living away from home for the first time on a college campus. He called two days ago telling me he had the worst sore throat, swollen glands, and a temperature. So for the first time ever in eighteen years my son was sick and on his own. I wasn’t there, and I was completely okay with it. Why, because I know my son has the tools and confidence to take care of himself. Now he still called to ask me to make the appointment because he was too sick to look up all the info, he texted me during the appointment to give me a play by play, and called that night to ask if he could take NyQuil with the Advil, but I knew that he just wanted reassurance because he is completely capable of making good choices.

So how do we prepare our children; obviously when our children are young we speak on their behalf and manage their health completely. But by giving our children small opportunities when at the doctor’s office, beginning in elementary school, we can start to give them a sense that their body is important and that their health is eventually going to be their responsibility.

Here are some practical steps to begin taking now:

1. Encourage your child to speak for themselves when the doctor asks why they are there for a visit (Elementary School)

2. Encourage your child to describe their own symptoms (Elementary School)

3. Begin sharing the responsibility with your child about remembering to take their medication (Middle School)

4. Explain to them the dangers of over the counter medication like Advil, Excedrin, Tylenol, and Motrin, and the harmful affects on the liver when taking too much (High School)

5. If they suffer from allergies make them aware of the difference between a decongestant and an antihistamine ( Highs School)

6.If they don't have a medical problem that calls for having their blood drawn you may want to consider having their blood drawn for a base line by senior year so that you can be with them so their first time is not on their own (High school)

When my sons were freshman in high school they started complaining about still going to the pediatrician. It was easier to keep them there, but by sophomore year they really put their foot down. So what I learned was that by transitioning in high school to a family doctor or internist that it was the perfect opportunity to have them apply all of the information that I have listed below. They can fill out all the new patient information and really begin their journey to health with you along side them.

Your child should know how to

do all of these things by the time he or she leaves home

Health History And Medication

Does your child know his or her own medical history?
Does your child know what medications they take or are allergic to?
Do they know the family health history on both sides of the family?

Before The Appointment

Do they feel comfortable calling and scheduling a doctor’s appointment?
Do they have a copy of their medical card?

At The Appointment

Can they fill out the "new patient" paper work when going to a new doctor?
Do they know how to describe their symptoms when speaking with the doctor?
Do they know that a doctor’s diagnosis is only as good as the information the patient provides
Teach them to write down their questions before they get to the appointment
Empower them to know that the doctor works for them. They should not be intimidated by a doctor and if they are change doctors

After The Appointment

Do they know how to make sure the medication they pick up from the pharmacy is in fact the medication in the bottle?
Do they know what the common over the counter drugs are and their purpose and interaction with other drugs?
Do your daughters know how to do a self breast exam, and do your sons know how to do a self testicular exam?

If your child has a complicated health issue I'm sure you will need to give them more support and it may be difficult to allow them to manage some of the things I have discussed. And obviously no matter how old my children are if God forbid they had a serious ailment I would be right there with them to help them handle their decisions. But for the most part after they turn eighteen parents do not have the right to their children's medical records. So teach and empower them now so that you know that they are expecting and receiving the best health care possible later.

Help me add to this list. Are there any other points we should include?

The Middle Teaches Us How The Little Things Mean Love

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Have you watched the sitcom The Middle on ABC? The more I watch it the more respect I have for the writers. The show is funny and at the same time it always has a great teachable lesson at the end of every episode, and it always comes back to family. The show is quirky, brutally honest, and since it can be a little pathetic it really makes you feel better about your own family.

Any way this is not a review about the show, but about their Valentine's Day episode last week which was so true and insightful about how our children learn about love. Brick, the youngest child, comes home with a homework assignment that requires him to write an essay on, "What Is Love?" Brick proclaims that at ten years of age he has no idea about love, what it means, or how to define it.

By the end of the episode he gathers his family around so that he can read his essay to them. He starts out by stating that the only love that he is familiar with is his parent's love. He recognizes that his parent's love is not full of passion, but built on little things; the little things that he witnesses his parents do for one another. Brick notices from the back seat of the car when his mom rubs the back of his dad's neck while they are driving. He notices when his dad wakes up early to scrap the ice of her windshield, and how his mom and dad have their own special language.

He concludes by stating that he knows they don't have a lot of money, but even if they did he would like to think that they would still just be at home hanging out together, only in a nicer house of course. One of the greatest love stories ever told was about Romeo and Juliet, but Brick believes that great love stories can also be small like his mom and dads.

I almost teared up after Brick read his essay to his family. It's the essence of what our children should be witnessing throughout their childhood. It's not about the sparkly bobbles, bouquet of flowers, or set of golf clubs that spouses buy each other that demonstrates love to their children. It's the simple hug, pat on the knee, laughter, preparing dinner together, taking out the trash, serving a cup of coffee, or watching your spouse’s favorite TV show with them even if you can’t stand it.

Our children are smart they know if their parents love and respect one another. Parents lay the foundation and live the example of what love looks like, even if they don’t know that they are. Love is made up of a thousand little things we do everyday. Love your spouse on purpose, it's great for your marriage and for your children.

More importantly these little children are going to grow up and as their parents you want them to come back home. This quote illustrates what I believe all parents want for their families and homes.

"How often hearts and thoughts return to a home that's filled with love."

Marriage and relationships are not perfect and some days they are just down right messy. We're not striving for perfection but for kindness, thankfulness, patience, and compassion which equals love.

Here are a few things my hubby does for me,

My husband rubs my feet while we watch TV together

My husband brings me vitamins before bed every night

My husband scoops the cat liter...very thankful for that!

Tell me the little things you do for your spouse that shows your children that the two of you love one another.

Life Changes But A Parent's Love Does Not

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 05:28:00 +0000

In the mail last week mixed in with the bills, and advertisements was a Valentine's Day card from my mom and dad. After all these years it still makes me happy when I see an envelope addressed to me from my parents. But sometimes I forget that I am a "daughter." I know that sounds odd, but I am so consumed with being the best mom to my sons, wife to my husband, running the house, and trying to find a healthy balance within my personal life that thinking of myself as my parent's daughter becomes lost at times. The words on the Valentine's card they sent were simple and profound...

A daughter leaves your home

but never your heart

She discovers her own happiness

which in turn becomes yours

Life changes love does not

These words encapsulate the journey through life from baby girl, daughter to mother.

I have left their home, but I know I have never left their heart, and they have never left mine.

I have discovered my own happiness, married, and given them grandchildren which has given them immeasurable joy.

Life did change but our love has not.

I will always be their daughter and they will always be my parents and for that I am so blessed.

Someday my sons will leave our home and discover their own happiness, and life will change, but they will never leave our hearts either. They will be forever grafted into our hearts just as I am in my mom and dads.

Mom & Dad,

I will always be your favorite daughter
(I'm their only daughter)

7x7 Blog Award

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 21:11:00 +0000

Apparently I have received the 7X7 Blog Award!

The requirements for the award are to: thank the person who nominated me, post 7 things about myself that my readers don't already know, list 7 posts from the specific post categories, and nominate 7 other blogs for the award.

1.THANK YOU! A big shout out and thank you to my friend and blog buddy Amanda from Raising Miss Mommy! Thank you for the nomination...it is so appreciated!

2.Share 7 things about myself that readers do not know

I love my husband more now than the day I married him 21 years ago
As my son's grow up my joy increases seeing their lives unfold
I love Dove dark chocolate mini promises
Old Navy $3.00 flip flops are awesome and I have several colors
If I could only have one food it would be potatoes-potato skins, mashed potatoes, french fires, baked potato, hash browns...see you could live on these forever!
Before I went to college I was going to pursue acting
Swimming makes me feel like a child again

Share 7 blog posts that fit into the following categories

Most Beautiful-Accept The Things You Cannot Change

Most helpful-Dear Abby Your Advice Is Timeless Series 1

Most Popular-Young Girls Can Dress Appropriately... Can't They?

Most Controversial- Nothing so far but I have a great post in the works!

Most Surprisingly Successful-Have You Ever Judged Another Mom That Isn't Wearing Makeup?

Most Underrated-Are You an Earth Mother or A Rainbow Mother?

Most Pride Worthy-The Gift Of Encouragement

My 7 Blog Nominations- Carry on ladies Congrats!

1.Deana- at Two Sweet Discoveries
2.Patty- at Homemakers Daily
3.Dawn-at Chics With A View
4.Candi-at Candiland
5.Stephanie-at Hugs Kisses and Snot
6.Vonae-at A Piece Of Virtue
7.Byn-at Beans Monkey Business

Keep Valentines Day Simple, Sweet, And Inexpensive

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 04:21:00 +0000

Photo Source Suat Emans

As I taped up the Valentine's Day care package to send to my oldest son, who is in his second semester of college, it brought back so many memories of what I did for Valentines Day throughout the years when my son's were younger. It's more difficult to give little boys Valentine gifts than little girls. There are so many cute little chatskies for girls. Once boys out grow the traditional Valentines candy and little stuffed animals it becomes a little bit of a challenge. I always tried to buy them meaningful gifts like books, a journal, or something they were collecting at the time.

As my son's grew I decided to make Valentines Day a day filled with little things that expressed the love that my husband I have for our sons rather than focus on the commercialized Valentines Day gifts. So throughout the day I would make and leave them little tokens of love.
Here are a few simple,sweet, and inexpensive ideas:

Photo Source

Write your child a love letter-One of my favorite things to do is to cut out a traditional heart from red or pink paper, just like in elementary school, and write them a love letter on it. They may be embarrassed at the time, but my boys have saved them all. And in the future it will be a written legacy of how I felt about them when they were little.

Pop a note in their lunch box-I would write them a Valentines note and put it in their lunch box too. Fast forward a few years and now I text them on Valentines Day and tell them how special and loved they are.

Source Betty Crocker

Surprise them with food hearts-If Valentines Day fell on the weekend I liked to surprise them and make heart shaped pancakes. Or when they came home from school brownies would await them in the shape of a heart.{still going to do this this year}

Photo Credit Kraft

Family Dinner & Dessert-
I have the most decadent, simple, chocolate, knock your socks off dessert recommendation ever! Your family will love this restaurant style dessert with the gooey chocolate center. These Molten Chocolate Cakes have become a special family favorite. You can find this simple step by step recipe at Kraft. Try making homemade whipped cream for the topping instead of store bought it makes this dessert even better. Its simple take heavy cream and whip it with a hand mixer adding sugar to taste.

Take the time to plan and make a special family dinner with your kids. Sometimes we even break out the champagne glasses and have sparkling cider along with some candle light!

Again simple, sweet, inexpensive gestures that include family time are the best gifts of love we can ever give or receive.

Do you have any special things you make or do with your family to make Valentines Day special? Please share your ideas with us!

Cycle of Friendship {Guest Author, Amanda}

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 22:14:00 +0000

I'm so happy to have Amanda, from Raising Miss Mommy, as a guest here today. She has a wonderful and creative blog that will inspire you to think outside the box, and give you a fun place to hang with other moms.

Hi everyone! I am very excited to be guest posting here today at Motherhood is Messy. Cheryl has been so wonderful and a great friend. As a new mommy I love reading her posts, they make me think about our future with our daughter. It's amazing to me how you can make a connection with someone and build a relationship with out having met in person. This was part of the inspiration for my post here today.

My goal here is not to try and answer any of the questions I ask but to get you thinking.Have you ever thought about the progression and cycle of friendship? How we learn to develop relationships? How these skills affect the type of friend we generally connect with? How can parenting affect the types of friendships children have?

Our daughter is just about 9 months old and since we moved to Minnesota I have been taking her to some very fun mommy and me classes. It has been amazing to watch her interact with the other babies, especially since our class has quite a "melting pot" of people. All the babies crawl around together, give each other cute little pats on the head, share toys, and I've even caught some babies holding hands for a brief moment. Babies don't discriminate, don't decide who they want to interact with based on what others tell them or by the way someone looks... they just truly enjoy the company of their peers.

{source}

When does this change? And why? When do we learn how to judge?As babies turn into little children and begin to grow and develop their own thoughts they start to become influenced by who and what is around them. A young child hears one of their parents say something negative about another person, how does this affect them? At this point in their lives their parents are the ones they turn to for answers and direction. They pick up on their parent's opinions and ideas and actions by watching, observing and listening to what they say. So now when they are out interacting with their peers they begin to make judgments and decisions based on what they have learned from their parents. Suzie starts saying she doesn't like Mandy because she has curly hair and she heard her mom say how much she hates curly hair. The little things we say and do can shape who our children choose to develop and pursue relationships with.

Does parenting become the root of discrimination and even bullying? Eventually little children become full blown kids {a concept I'm still trying to grasp, I can't imagine our daughter walking much less talking and having an opinion}. Kids start to expand on their friendships from early childhood and often develop new ones. They start to look to their friends for what is considered right and wrong, cool and uncool. What is the most influential factor now? Parents, their friends, a combination of both?Eventually kids grow up and become adults. Now they have life experiences to influence their thinking and choices. Their way of thinking becomes a combination of their upbringing, relationships they've had and have, their education, and any other life experiences. Is it at this point that they almost revert back to a baby's mindset of giving all of their peers an equal opportunity at friendship? Or do they become more "imprinted" by outside factors from their life growing up?

How do some people become so open and accepting of all types of people while others immediately shut themselves off to someone because they are a "type" of person that they've negatively categorized?Think about your friendships and relationships... how and why did they start? Have you ever closed yourself off to someone because they aren't a "type" you like?

These are all questions I have been asking myself lately. Can I really influence my child's progression and cycle of friendship? How can I teach my child to be open to all different people in a discriminatory world? Have I honestly opened myself up to everyone I've encountered in my life?Have you?

{source}

Amanda, author of the blog Raising Miss Mommy, can be found crafting, attempting to cook, designing or just being artsy. Raising Miss Mommy is a place for moms {and moms at heart} to find inspiration, motivation, life tips and a fun place to hang out. Just when we think we are all grown up, something comes along to teach us there really is more to learn in life.

Dear Abby...Thank You For Reminding Us That Kids Need To Know The Basics. Series Two

noreply@blogger.com (Motherhood Is Messy) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 02:47:00 +0000

Photo Credit-The Sports Memorabilia

"If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders."

As parents it’s sometimes difficult to know exactly how much responsibility to place upon our children and at what age certain chores or tasks are appropriate. In this week's Dear Abby Series her quote addresses the fundamental reason behind giving our children tasks to be completed. It's so that our children can grow into responsible young adults that understand how to take care of themselves, their belongings, and become productive people in society.

If children are given gradual age appropriate responsibilities throughout their childhood then it becomes a part of their daily routine and they understand that chores are necessary in order to maintain a clean and productive home, and personal life which eventually will lead to being a successful student and reliable working professional in what ever area they choose.

At an early age try to make picking up toys and putting away clothes fun and enjoyable. Play music, sing, use stickers, charts, and do it together. As a family we still blast music with our teenagers and clean the house together. On Saturday mornings I’ll say if we all pitch in for an hour we can all enjoy the rest or our day. I rarely hear them complain about cleaning up. They have a sense of pride about their rooms and the way they present themselves. And I do think it stems form the early days of making it a game and fun. The earlier children learn that most of life is maintenance the happier they will be as adults. Resistance to the daily routine of life only makes life more difficult for them as young adults. By creating responsibility in our children we are empowering them to be independent and self sufficient.

I have compiled a list of some simple age appropriate tasks that you can use as a jumping off point. As always you know your children and you can adjust their chores to fit their abilities and your family dynamics.

Take a look at the list, add to it, and let me know if you have other chores that should be listed and what tips you use for making it fun! P.S. no snow chores made the list...we don't do snow in Arizona!

2-4 Years Old

pick up toys

fold wash cloths

stack their books

match socks when folding laundry

4-6 Years Old

dust

Dry dust the hard floors
put dirty clothes in the hamper

put dog or kitty food in bowl

put clean laundry in their drawers

6-8 years old

make their bed

clear kitchen table

help bathe the dog
refill pets water bowl
help preparing meals
wipe down base boards

8-10 years old

vacuum

take out trash
load dishwasher
help fold all laundry

10-12 years old

wash car

wash windows

unload dishwasher

pick up dog doo doo

know how to sort laundry

wipe down bathroom counters and mirrors

12-17 years old

All of the above, plus

mop

prepare meals

mow the lawn

run washer and dryer

know how to grocery shop

clean entire house on their own