Recently Meeting Zach

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the song

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Good luck.

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Recently On Instagram

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Recently Away

This holiday weekend I’m going to the beach with women to lie in the sun and eat snack food. I’m not bringing Waylon. It will be the longest we’ve been apart.

Of course he’ll be fine and won’t miss me (grandparents!). Plus I’ll be able to relax near the ocean without worrying if my spawn is IN the ocean or have to single parent on vacation (worst). But I’m still a little sick about it, as I always am, because I’m just terrible at goodbyes. Separation anxiety hits me hardest the hours before and the hour after. Then I’m good to go. It’s always been this way (you should have seen me when Austin left me at 8 months pregnant) and it always will be. It’s not flattering, but I persevere! Beach!

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Recently On Repeat

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More at littlecityradio.com

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Recently Linked

Tornado survivor finds her dog, alive, during on-camera interview

This podcast.

Where have all the women gone in movies?

Stop obsessing over pre-marital sex.

30 Quotes About Love

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Recently A Modern Renaissance

More HERE.

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Recently A Truth Bomb

[image source]

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Recently In The Blogosphere

The Important Thing About Yelling by Rachel.

On Imperfect Mothering by Sara.

After the children have grown by Madeline.

Adoption Ethics by Jen.

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Recently Remembered

Where Are Your Tears?

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And finally, our Friday Funnies from the Internets

Shopping at Target

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Facebook Update In Real Life

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Bill Hader’s 14 Greatest “SNL” Characters

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37 Signs You’re Great At Being Broke

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Happy Friday

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Contributors

A sweaty hug and a basket full of pink hamsters to the following human gems. Friday snacks wouldn’t happen without you.

Thank you lovely Laura (1), Linda (5a), Jennifer (5b), Dakota (8a,b,c), Bethany (10a), Dara (10b), & Crystal (10c).

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Hook is a 1991 American fantasy adventure film imagining Peter Pan as an adult. Have you seen it? The film serves as a sequel to J. M. Barrie’s 1911 novel Peter and Wendy, focusing on a grown-up Peter who has forgotten his childhood. Known as “Peter Banning,” Peter is a successful corporate lawyer who never spends time with his wife and two children. Hook kidnaps his children, and Peter must return to Neverland and reclaim his true self and challenge his nemesis.

If you haven’t seen it, I don’t know how to help you. It might be too late. My family has watched it over and over again, the VHS nearly worn out.

Here are the three life lessons I’ve learned from this classic movie.

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Bad guys are just good guys without a mommy.

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Maybe it’s my restorative justice background or maybe it was this simple Disney movie that taught me that bad guys are just good guys who have had a rough time in life. Everyone has demons, everyone is fighting a battle. James Hook didn’t have a mama and was probably made fun of as a child because holy eyebrows. Isn’t that how it always goes? Just another guy with an anxiety disorder and sad childhood. Peter knew that and did not take his life when he had the chance.

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Everyone is capable of great change.

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Even if you’re a paunchy 35-year-old workaholic with a giant cellphone and no time for your family or friends, you can change. You can pick yourself up by your bootstraps, launch yourself out of a cannon, fight a pirate, and throw your cell phone out the window.

If you think hard enough, you can remember your eight year old self and what is most important.

If you work hard enough, you can make positive change. You can win a food fight with Rufio. You can wear fitted, green tights and look great. You can fly.

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We all need a happy thought.

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It is a cold, dark world out there. Everyone needs a happy thought; someone or something to think about to stay hopeful, to fight our demons, to stay alive. When I’m lying in bed at night thinking about predators and cancer, I go to my happy thought. I think about my son’s gummy smile and take some deep breaths. It is like magic from fairies.

One of the most tender moments in the movie is when Peter tells his son that he is his happy thought.

What a gift to be someone’s most happy thought.

Bangarang.

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For most of my young and adult life, I’ve lived under the assumption that volunteering is next to godliness. That helping hands are always just that–helpful. That packing up and sleeping on a cot in the Domincan Republic for a week is true sacrifice. That my presence alone in a third world country like Haiti or Guatemala or Mexico is enough to warrant a pat on the back, a tax deductible check for a hundred dollars, and a 30 person prayer chain.

Like most Christian denominations, the Mennonites have strong roots in missions, service, and volunteer experiences abroad. Young families are encouraged to participate in week long service trips, youth groups encouraged to spend entire summers in orphanages, high school and college graduates nudged towards year programs like YWAM and SALT. We erect banners with the famous verse from Isaiah: I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.

The problem with these trips is that contrary to their mission statements, most service projects do not empower those being served or improve any quality of life. Not only do we push our agenda and flash our cell phones in their faces, most trips focus most of their energy on those who are going instead of those “in need.” We send youth for the experience, to show them not everyone has iPhones. We send adults for the same reason. Even when multiple studies show that short-term trips do not positively affect the lives of participants, we still send teams because we need it.

This is not easy to swallow.

As a serial volunteer from an early age, it breaks my heart to think that all the time I spent playing with children and holding babies was just for me. I feel a sharp defensiveness rise in my chest thinking about my time spent across the slopes of Peru or in the rubble of Haiti. Waves of affection and nostalgia wash over me when I see photos of twenty kids in tie dyed shirts and matching hats playing card games on a rickety bus because I’ve lived it. I’ve held sick babies and cried over orphaned toddlers. I’ve sang the songs and played the group games and laughed until my sides hurt. I’ve held a mother’s hand while she watched her daughter die. 

Was my service in vain? Was I actually hurting the people I met?

Despite the American hero complex and what often turns into a “faith based vacation,” I believe many of us are really, truly, trying to help.

It is also easy to become jaded.  Jaded when you hear about “culture shock” after 9 days in the Caribbean.  Jaded when you are subjected to slideshows of 500 pictures of zip-lining and sunsets. Jaded when you have to hear a 16 year old talk about how she “left her heart in Honduras” and “can’t wait to go back” when we all know little Ninoska will be forgotten within weeks after school starts again. Jaded when you’ve lived the hard truth that all you really learned in your time abroad was: Thank God I don’t live there.

In Darren Carlson’s article, Why You Should Consider Cancelling Your Short-Term Mission Trips, he says:

“I have seen with my own eyes or know of houses in Latin America that have been painted 20 times by 20 different short-term teams; fake orphanages in Uganda erected to get Westerners to give money; internet centers in India whose primary purpose is to ask Westerners for money; children in African countries purposefully mutilated by their parents so they would solicit sympathy while they beg; a New England-style church built by a Western team in Cameroon that is never used except when the team comes to visit; and slums filled with big-screen TVs and cell phone towers.”

Darren goes on to outline many of the problems with church volunteering, specifically the effect on the receivers of our “goodwill.” He asks you to imagine the situation in reverse; a team from France calls your church and says they want to visit. They want to put on Vacation Bible School (which you have done for years), but the material is in French. Sorry! They have heard about how the U.S. church has struggled with faith and want to help fix it. You’re welcome. They want to send 20 to 30 people, half of them youth. Only two of them speak English, mostly words relating to food items and kitchen utensils. They will need a place to stay for free, with cheap food and warm showers if possible. During the trip half of the group’s energy will be spent on resolving tension between team members. Two people will get violently sick. Also they’d like you to arrange some sightseeing for them on their free day. Everyone will get free ipods!

Do you want them to come?

It’s not all the Christian’s fault. Volunteering abroad to build schools or dig wells is not limited to “hope spreaders” and “Christ seekers.” Every year, hundreds of thousands of young people travel abroad to volunteer as part of school requirements, to build their résumés, or to soul search as part of what is now known as “gap year trips.” Their quests fueled by the belief that because we are from the land of good and plenty, we have the right or obligation to bestow our benevolence on people. Never mind if we don’t speak the language, don’t have the skills or experience to qualify for the jobs we’re doing, or don’t know anything about what life is like “over there.” (BBC: Is Gap Volunteering A Bad Thing?)

Of course no one wants to think their generosity might hurt someone. And isn’t there some merit in a young, American girl seeing extreme poverty and realizing the world is bigger than the Gap? Dozens of my friends, including myself, have experienced great personal change after weeks or months “serving” in third world countries. Many of us going on to pursue careers or lifetime commitments to genuinely helping others.

The problem is complex, the struggle between wanting to help but wanting to help on our terms is complicated. We want to make positive change but we also kind of want to buy colorful bags and site-see. We want to dig ditches but also–do you have WiFi? I want to upload this sacrifice to Instagram.

It is the culture we live in.

It’s easy to say “doing something is better than doing nothing,” but is it? I believe there is an answer somewhere, but it will only be uncovered asking the tough questions. Questions that make our hearts hurt and our egos deflated. Questions that uncover the difference between service and site-seeing, sacrifice and vacation. Questions about time and commitment. Questions about our motives and why are we really here? Questions about how we as disciples, as humans, can help without hurting.

We live in a universe of sickness, greed, inflated egos, hatred, and incredible suffering. On paper, I am a self professed skeptic, but the truth is–I believe we are capable of great kindness.

How can we show this kindness? How can we help without hurting?

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Respectful dialogue encouraged below.

Recently Inspired

Take 10 minutes to watch this.

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More about the author here.

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Recently On Instagram

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Recently A Cover

Jack and Cormac sing ‘Little Talks’

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Recently A Year Without Internet

Interesting perspective from an Internet centered dude who took a year off.

Very similar to my own experience, except I only took a month off (which was much easier).

A Year Without Internet

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Recently Linked

Friendfluence: How Our Friends Shape Us by Samara. Research has shown that having few friends is the mortality risk equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Being with good friends lowers your blood pressure and has shown to increase our chances of recovering from disease.

Why women should embrace a ‘good enough’ life by Elsa. When it is time for my daughter to make her way through this culture of overwork, I hope she follows some of Sandberg’s advice. I will tell her to work hard and take a seat at the table, speak up and, of course, always negotiate her salary. But I will also tell her to set her own course and follow neither my model nor Sandberg’s. I will remind her of the time when she was barely 2 years old and ready for her first real Halloween. I thought I had the perfect outfit for her — hand-embroidered Chinese silk pajamas in turquoise and matching slippers with gorgeous feathers — until her father took her to Kmart,where she bounded over to a red Teletubby getup.

For more follow-up from this post, read: Why Don’t Young Adults Go To Church? by Peter. Unfortunately, though, we haven’t always been so great at allowing our honesty to be evaluated. We haven’t been great at this because we haven’t been sticking around to receive it. We casually inject our honesty from the outside and then move on. So even if we’re right, we’re not committed or vulnerable enough to be a part of actually making those concerns mean anything.

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Recently Babies

Quadruplets all laughing at once.

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Recently Genius

36 Ingenious Things You’ll Want As A New Parent

I need all of the things.

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Recently In The Blogosphere

Love Poem No. 10 by John.

Why Progressive Christians Should Care About Abortion by Rachel.

I’m Sick Of Apologizing For My C-Section by Natalie.

How To Love An Extrovert by Chelsea. 

Co-Sleeping by Leigh.

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Recently A Goodbye

The Office said its final goodbye.

I admit it hasn’t been the same since Agent Michael Scarn said his goodbye, but the show as a whole has been a happy spot over the years and is definitely one of my favorites of all time. I cried my ugliest cry saying goodbye. Farewell to a cast worth crying over because of writers working hard. 9 seasons. You nailed it.

Did you watch?

Some gems to celebrate a good run:

Farewell Photo Album

(#11 is the best)

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Video Farewells From The Cast

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And finally our Friday Funnies from the Internets

Pregnant Husband Tumblr: Dad Jeffrey Bausch Documents Pregnancy And New Parenthood Through GIFS

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More Pregnant Husband

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Lip Sync Off

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Awkward Prom Photos

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Rules For Freelancers

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16 Reasons You Should Never Reenact Pinterest Photos

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Arrested Development Trailer

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Gas station prank goes viral.

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Men experience labor.

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I tried Gwyneth Paltrow’s Diet

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Happy Friday

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Contributors

A warm hug and a basket full of kittens to the following human gems. Friday snacks wouldn’t happen without you.

Thank you Jed (#1),  Carrie (#4, #7, #10i), Katie (#9a), Bethany (#6), Jen (#5c), Becky (#5c), Nathan (#10c), Jennifer (#5b), Laura (#10d), Hannah (#10a),  Jenna (#10e), Bethany (#10h), & Jolie (10j).

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A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend who has a daughter the same age as Waylon about toddlers and nudity. I told her I still let Waylon, nearly two, run around naked outside and she confessed she does not allow her daughter do the same.

It was an interesting conversation. She explained that she feels a responsibility to protect her daughter’s privacy and guard against creepers and their creepy thoughts. Family naked time is okay, but any public space is not. We wondered if it was because she was a girl. We wondered at what age is it not okay to be naked.

From the beginning, Austin and I have been very unashamed of our son’s body. We let him roam our house and backyard (and other’s backyards) free as a bird. It makes him happy and it makes us happy to let his diapered parts breathe. There’s also nothing cuter than a tiny baby butt.

Of course I have rules. I never post pictures of frontal baby or toddler nudity on the Internet and I stopped posting bottom pictures soon after he turned one. But in real life? Sitting around our house or out in a backyard? There are no rules there as long as no one is pooping on anyone else.

It is strange, though, to hear the very different opinions on toddler and infant nudity. My mama friend from California believes the anti-naked toddler movement is only specific to this (more conservative) area. She said as soon as she moved here, she noticed a difference in how people treat their (and their children’s) bodies, almost with shame or a sense of extreme modesty. When I pressed further, she said she completely understands the safety issue, but the modesty issue just makes her uncomfortable. Why does a two year old need to be modest?

It is an interesting discussion, and the idea that my opinion might change if Waylon was a girl has me scratching my head. Why is a toddler vagina different than a toddler penis? Why are we so fearful of pedophilia? Does some of it have to do with teaching modesty? When should children learn to be modest? What does that look like?

After some deliberation, I decided to email my cousin-in-law Jennifer to get her take on the subject. Four kids later, she’s a wise one when it comes to bodies and babies and how to avoid being overprotective. This is what she said:

Brilliant.

What do you think? When is it okay to be naked?

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