Last week, I went to an orientation for baking school. It was very fun for: me. It was not fun for: 2.0.

When I received the invitation for baking school orientation, I was very excited. The invitation for Get Started encouraged me to bring a loved one along. It suggested that I bring my parents or my significant other to Get Started. So, I asked 2.0 if he might like to come. Because I’m pretty terrified pumped about heading back to school next year, and I wanted to drag him down with me share the experience with him. And what self-respecting 40 year old brings her parents to school?

Though 2.0 attended the same college back in the day, it was for boring construction type things. I wanted him to see what a cool program looks like, and where I’d be spending my days next year. I figured he’d get to tour the kitchens with me, and meet my teachers. And just to be clear: I received two emails encouraging me to bring a loved one to the orientation. And because I want to be the best student ever, I obeyed.

When we arrived at the college, we were immediately told that we’d be attending separate information sessions. That is when I knew things were not going to work out well. That is when I realized that the college would be going to great efforts to ensure that those of us who brought loved ones along, would be leaving with people who no longer want to have anything to do with us.

While I was in the culinary theatre learning about baking school, 2.0 was attending a lecture on how to best support his child in college. He was given information on financing his child’s education. And he was told that cooking meals for a college student is a nice, supportive thing to do. Also, he was told that he should check on his child frequently. That he should ask how his child is doing at school, and if his child tells him that things are “good,” he should request some sort of proof. Because sometimes kids say things are “good” at school, but in reality, they are flunking out.

While 2.0 was learning about how to best support his child’s educational endeavours, I was getting my inspiration on. Chefs talked about how my decision to attend culinary school is the best decision I have ever made. It was your basic high-five-fest. I toured kitchens. I learned about uniforms, ugly shoes and books. I was told that I’ll be learning how to make about 250 varieties of bread next year. Working in the campus bakery. Putting together business plans. Decorating cakes. Making pies. And constructing massive gingerbread houses for charity. It. Was. Awesome.

My orientation took 2 hours. 2.0′s lecture took 30 minutes. For a college, this math seemed way off.

These here cookies are the sort of thing you make to say: it wasn’t my fault, but I’m really sorry that it happened. They also say: I’m sorry you waited an hour an a half in the cafeteria for me. Now, if you want a cookie that says: it wasn’t my fault, and I’m only moderately sorry that it happened, you won’t frost them. (FYI, soufflé is how you say it was totally my fault, and I’m really sorry about it.)

You can store these cookies, in unbaked log form, in your refrigerator for a couple of weeks. You can also freeze them. That means you can whip ‘em out and bake them at the last minute, which will, in turn, make you look like a genius. People will say, “how does she do it? When does she find the time?” And you will toss your hair and laugh a laugh that says: you should really get your act together.

These cookies are a basic tea cookie. I added some lemon zest to the dough, but you don’t have to. And then I put some tart, lemony frosting on them to make ‘em more awesome. 2.0 really likes the frosting, and feels that you should seriously consider frosting them too.

Also, when I was at baking school orientation, I forgot to ask about school supplies. Who forgets to ask about school supplies? And now I don’t know what kind of scribblers to buy and whether I’m going to need a protractor or not.

Only 104 days until school starts…

. . .

Refrigerator Cookies with Lemony Frosting - adapted from Betty Crocker’s Cookbook (1979) - print and bake

Yields about 7 dozen cookies.

For the cookies:

• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup butter, room temperature
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla bean paste (or vanilla extract)
• 2 large eggs
• 1 tablespoon lemon zest (optional)
• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda

For the frosting:

• 1 tablespoon butter, room temperature
• 1 cup icing (confectioner’s) sugar
• 4 teaspoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
• lemon zest for garnish (optional)

Note: the above listed quantities for the frosting will yield enough frosting to decorate ONE of the logs of cookie dough (you will have three logs). 

To make the cookies:

In a medium sized bowl, whisk together the flour, salt and baking soda. Set aside.

In the bowl of a stand mixer, on medium speed, mix together the sugar, margarine, vanilla, eggs and lemon zest until well combined. Add the flour mixture, and mix until well combined.

Divide the dough into three equal parts. Shape each mound of dough into a log/roll (about 1.5 inches in diameter and 7 inches long). Wrap, and put in the refrigerator for at least 4 hours before baking. You can keep the dough in the refrigerator for up to two weeks.

To bake the cookies: 

Preheat oven to 350°F. Line baking sheets with parchment paper. Cut dough log into 1/4 inch slices, and place onto prepared baking sheets about 1 inch apart. Bake for 8-10 minutes, until the edges start to turn golden. Allow to cool on cooling racks.

Note: the dough logs can be frozen. To bake, slice as above (from frozen) and add a little extra time onto your bake time.

To make the frosting:

In the bowl of a stand mixer, on low speed, combine the butter, icing sugar and 2 teaspoons of the lemon juice, mixing until the icing sugar is combined. Add the remaining 2 teaspoons of lemon juice and mix until no lumps of butter or icing sugar remain. If the icing is too thick, add a few drops of warm water at a time, until desired consistency is achieved.

Spread the icing onto the tops of cookies and garnish with lemon zest.

On April 26th, I ate moths. More specifically, between 1 and 4.5 million moth eggs. It’s hard to know how many I actually ate, thus the broad range in estimated consumption.

Immediately after consuming the moth eggs, I texted 2.0. The text read: I just ate moth larvae.

I sent it at 12:27 pm. I expected an immediate response. I got: no response.

So I messaged the only other person that I thought might be able to help. Katherine at Eggton. (In hindsight, Mr. Rutherford, for reasons soon to be explained, would have been another obvious choice.)

I wrote the following message on the Eggton page: I just ate baby moths, and possibly some moth eggs. I didn’t know who else to contact about the situation. I have brushed my teeth about a million times. But I’m pretty sure they are going to reproduce in my stomach.

Katherine responded very quickly. She suggested that I find and consume a large bottle of high-proof alcohol, because (and I’m not sure if this is based on any sort of science) moths “… are allergic to that stuff and as soon as it hits ‘em, they’re toast.” She also warned me against wearing wool for at least 48 hours. And after providing lots of information and support, Katherine asked: how did this happen, exactly?

My fingers shook as I typed. I told her about how I was eating fancy crackers for lunch. With smoked mussels. And how I was happy. So, so happy. Because I love fancy crackers. And I love smoked mussels. And then, as I neared the end of my tasty snack, I saw a… pantry moth situation in the cracker box. People, I need you to understand just how horrifying it is to see what you think are cracker crumbs, and to have been happily munching on those cracker crumbs, only to realize that those cracker crumbs are really moth eggs.

Also, an hour after the moth saga began, 2.0 STILL HADN’T BEEN IN TOUCH TO SEE IF I WAS IN ANY SORT OF DANGER OR IN NEED OF EMERGENCY MEDICAL ATTENTION.

Still seeking the comfort of others, I posted this on my facebook timeline: I just ate moth eggs. As in: baby moths. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT.

Within seconds, I had a response. Thirty responses, in fact. With useful advice like: a roofie might help you forget this has happened, and avoid lightbulbs. But still nothing from 2.0.

Midway through the afternoon, I saved my neighbour from a potential kidnapping. Yah. You read that right. I saved my adult-firefighting-neighbour from possible kidnapping during my own medical emergency. And therefore, kept the city safer. Because we can’t lose any firefighters in this city. No way.

And still, no word from 2.0.

At 5 pm, when there was still no message from 2.0, I began to worry about him. What could be preventing him from getting in touch? Was he trapped under a concrete panel at work? Desperately trying to reach his cell phone? Wondering if moths were hatching in my esophagus? Was he crying? Was he fraught with moth concern, but unable to make contact with me? Etching a message on the bottom of that concrete panel with his fingernails?

But, no. He wasn’t trapped. He just didn’t think my “situation” was an emergency. And at 6:30 pm, 2.0 finally called. He said: “hey, do you still want me to pick up dinner, or are you too full from eating moths?”

I’m sure I’ll look back on that and laugh one day. Just not… today.

I guess it’s only fitting that I share the recipe for the cupcakes that I made for Mr. Rutherford’s birthday, because he ate worms for a few days several years ago. That’s probably worse than eating moths, right? You see, worms had taken up residency in a bag of raisins in the Rutherford kitchen, and Mr. Rutherford ate some of them. Or a lot of them. We’re not sure because he’d been eating those raisins for a few days before he noticed a couple of little worms squirming around in his tasty treat…

These cupcakes might help you forget the bad things that sometimes happen when you least expect it. These cupcakes will make you hungry again – even if you’ve vowed never to let food pass by your moth laden teeth ever again. These cupcakes are cheery and bright. The coconut in these cupcakes makes ‘em extra sweet, and the lime provides a little citrus balance. Be warned: if you aren’t a white chocolate fan, you’re gunna want to walk away from this frosting. It is sweet and steeped with white chocolate.

Also, just in case you’re worried, it would seem that our pantry is totally moth-free. I guess I ate ‘em all.

. . .

Coconut Lime Cupcakes with White Chocolate Frosting – from Style at Home Magazine, May 2012, with minor adjustments to the notes and ingredients - print and bake

Yields about 16 cupcakes.

For the cupcakes:

• 1 teaspoon lemon juice
• 1/2 cup skim milk
• 1 1/4 cups all purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
• 1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
• 2 large eggs, room temperature
• 1 heaping teaspoon grated lime zest
• 1 1/2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
• 1 teaspoon vanilla bean paste or vanilla extract
• 1 cup sweetened coconut flakes

For the frosting:

• 140 grams (approx. 10 1 oz. squares) white chocolate
• 1/2 cup butter, room temperature
• 4 cups icing (confectioner’s) sugar, sifted
• 1 tablespoon lime juice
• 4 tablespoons sour cream
• coconut flakes for garnish (optional)

To make the cupcakes:

Grease or line muffin tins and set aside. Preheat oven to 350°F.

Make buttermilk by stirring the lemon juice into the skim milk. Set aside.

In a medium sized bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside.

Cream together the butter and sugar in the large bowl of a stand mixer on medium speed (3-4 minutes). Reduce mixer speed to low, and beat in the eggs one at a time. Add in the lime zest, lime juice and vanilla paste (or extract), and mix well.

Add the 1/3 of the flour mixture to the butter mixure, mixing to combine. Then add 1/2 of the buttermilk, mixing until well combined. Then add another 1/3 of the flour mixture, the remaining half of the buttermilk, and then the final 1/3 of the flour mixture – mixing well after each addition.

Fold in the coconut.

Scoop the cupcake mix into the prepared muffin tins, filling each well about 2/3 full. Bake for 25-30 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted into the centre of the cupcakes comes out clean. Allow the cupcakes to cool completely on a wire rack.

To make the frosting:

Carefully melt the chocolate in a heat-proof bowl over a pot of simmering water. Remove from the heat and cool until just warm.

Whip the butter in the bowl of a stand mixer on medium speed until light and fluffy (3-4 minutes). Add in 2 cups of the icing sugar, mixing on low until the mixture starts to come together. Add in the remaining icing sugar, lime juice and sour cream, mixing until smooth. Gently fold in the white chocolate.

Frost the cupcakes when they are cool, and garnish with coconut flakes if desired.

When you become terribly important and famous, like Ellen DeGeneres and myself, people do stuff for you on your birthday. Famous people want to be near you. They send you taped greetings from their movie sets, touching tribute emails, photos of themselves with you, and also, fancy prezzies. I know, because I’ve seen this happen on tv. I also know because it happened to me this week. So here is my super-awesome 40th birthday round up. It is really long. And there are no recipes. But it has videos. Instagram photos. Other famous people. And a cat.

First off, I learned that I have very loyal readers. Like, I-wouldn’t-want-to-meet-you-in-a-dark-alley loyal. I’m glad you’re all on my team.

Also, I got 20 birthday cakes! And I’m getting another one on Sunday. That’s 17 Bake My Cake entries (which rocked my world),  and 3 additional cakes that I stuffed my face with. I told you this body runs on sugar. With the cake Rosie is making me for Sunday, that will be 21. Which is probably about average for famous people.

Katherine and Scott (over at Eggton) sent me photos of the cake they didn’t enter for Bake My Cake. So I guess my cake total is really 22. These photos were sent to me as outtakes. (Famous people have outtakes and blooper reels.) These photos made me very happy. It’s a Justin Bieber cake. Get it? Because I’ve been threatening to get a Justin Bieber binder and backpack for baking school? Famous people tell inside jokes like that, and then they toss their hair and laugh at the little people who don’t understand.

Speaking of Rosie, she posted a tribute for me on her blog. You can see it here. It included photographic evidence of my role as The Cat in the ill-fated production of The Farmer and Dell that I told you about. If you are famous, you will toss your hair now.

Also, when Katherine and Scott lost their heat in Bake My Cake 2012? Scott got on my iPhone. And he started calling people to ask just what their damage was. He was pretty pissed at anyone who’d vote for a 13 year old kid. Or my sister.

My famous sister (author, editor, movita competition loser), made a video montage of my life. Which made people cry. Which in turn made my sister get mad because she was making fun of me starting at about the 5th photo in, and the whole point was to make me look like a total doofus. This is the video. Don’t cry. Seriously. It makes her pretty angry.

Click here and don’t cry, mofos.

You can, however, cry over this. My sister sent me this insert from a baby album. I’m with my Great Aunt Amy. She passed away, at age 97, on the weekend. She was a pretty big part of my 40 years. I’ll tell you more about her soon, when I post a recipe she handed down to me.

My sister also posted naked baby pictures of me on facebook all day. Like this one:

And photographic evidence of white oxford shirts and bad fashion decisions. Hair toss.

I learned to belly dance on my 40th. Elsa, Bake My Cake 2012 champ, taught me.

Someone left flowers for me. 2.0 says niles (Cat No. 2) found them in the garden, carefully chewed each one off at the base, carried them into the house and then arranged them in a vase. Seems likely.

People at work did really nice stuff for me. They decorated. And fed me cakes. And gave me prezzies. Like this cane that my student, Alexis, made for me. Because I’m old. And a plate shaped like a flip flop for food styling.

Katherine and Scott sent me a birthday video. They are famous, so they shot this on location. You should know that when I got my iPhone, it may have started a fight between them. Katherine emailed me a really long tutorial on how to play Bakery Story. I refer to it often. Then Scott emailed to say:

… be VERY VERY CAREFUL to not accumulate a whole bunch of gems and then let 2.0 play the game. Because he’ll accidentally blow each and every one of them on hurrying up the cook time of a dish that was only slated to take 5 minutes anyway or buy some pink tiles that you’ll want to remove every time you play the game. I guarantee. It will not go well for either of you if you let him play your game.

And then Katherine responded with:

Movita, Scott is referring to the fact that I tend to move my fingers very fast on his iphone and a couple of times I accidentally hit “yes, spend 5 gems to finish cooking this.” It was frustrating for both of us, apparently. I also bought a bunch of pink tiles that I thought cost a couple hundred coins, but I might have been a little tipsy because they cost gems, not coins. Again, Scott was like WTF is wrong with you? It was a dark phase of our relationship.

Honestly? This email exchange was a dark phase for me as well. But that’s how famous people roll. We deal with adversity that you, the lesser people, wouldn’t understand. Also, famous people send each other video greetings. Video greetings like this will be played at fundraisers when a disease gets named after me. Here is the video greeting Katherine and Scott sent me, in which Katherine buys me snowy windows and wastes a crap load of gems on my iPhone. And at the end? Katherine pulls an iPhone out of her underwear. Because that’s where famous people keep their phones.

And finally, a great number of you sent me some of the most touching emails I have ever received in my life. I have picked just one to share, because it sums up so many of the sentiments you all shared, and because it sums up the hopes and dreams I have for all of you. One of my favourite bloggers, Antoinette sent me these incredibly kind wishes. She has a blog called cooking-spree. You should really go visit her. I hope she won’t mind me sharing her words with you:

Life in my world these days has been a bit feverish, with a few little (but nonetheless precious) things slipping through the cracks. Baking something special for you has been one. With cakes flying crazy across the great wide interweb in your direction, you can’t have missed mine…but I just want you to know that in my mind I’ve created you one. Picture a music box cake that, when the music begins, the lid opens, up rises a twirling ballerina, bakers cap on – around her fly 40 song birds (I borrowed from Snow White). And in the ballerina baker’s hand, a cake, a music box cake that, when the music begins it opens and inside, a ballerina, bakers cap on……

And so it goes, on and on, a ballerina baker’s dream rising high and higher on the songs of birds.

Happy Birthday, Movita Beaucoup, and blessed be!

And thank you for the sweet life you share!

With Love,
spree

My sister said, “that sounds really nice, but I think it’s gunna be pretty tough to pull off.”

. . .

Thanks, friends. To borrow from Antoinette, I hope this new year for me also marks a year when your own dreams rise higher and higher on the songs of birds.

I think it’s pretty clear that the competitions I host on this blog are for fun. I’d been competing with my friends enemies, The Rutherfords, for years, but opened the competitions to all of you more recently. (Because The Rutherfords are useless now.) I also thought it would be a cool way to help promote other bloggers. I am not sponsored, and I do not make money from the competitions. In fact, Bake My Cake marked only the second competition where I offered a prize. That I bought myself. Because I love you.

Posts promoting the competition stated:

… it’s not necessarily the best cake that wins, people. It’s a freakin’ popularity contest. Like high school! You’re playin’ with the big kids now.

And:

Use the interweb for something other than porn. 

That was basically a public service announcement.

And when it came to voting, I stated:

During Ginger 2011, some clever competitors discovered that you can vote from your laptop, then your iPhone, then your tablet… Yes, I get that means rich people will screw you over. But I’m going to have to ask you to get over it. Or go to the library and vote on every single computer they’ve got. If you find a shortcut, have at it. I don’t have time to manage you, my hair and the interweb.

I encouraged competitors to use any means possible to win. To use email, blogs, twitter and facebook to their advantage. And then, just in case anyone was still confused, I reminded everyone that: … there can only be one winner. Have some fun for cripes’ sake. 

Basically, there were no rules. I gave no rules for submissions. I gave no rules for voting. Because I don’t give a rat’s ass.

Elsa handed out flyers to promote her Bake My Cake submission. She handed them out where I work – a massive conservatory of performing arts, with hundreds of students and faculty members. Then she approached people at her school, and at the private school where her mother teaches. A dorm full of kids armed with computers, iPhones and iPads. And one of those kids had a twin at a school in Ontario – and dudes? They organized the kids in those dorms to vote. Elsa’s family got involved. They told members of their church to vote. They promoted it on facebook. They sent mass emails. And all of Elsa’s supporters told people to vote on every device they could get their hands on. Elsa played the game. Just like I told her to.

If that sounds dodgy to some of you, you’ve gotta get yer head examined. And honestly, I am pretty sad that I have to spend any of my time defending this for-fun competition. But more importantly, I feel badly that so many of you felt sad about things. It’s marshing my mallow, people.

I am closing comments on this post. Because this post is a total downer. But I would really like to thank you all for your emails. To thank you for your concern. It will take me a while to get back to each of you, thus this public thank you. I basically weeped my way through yesterday. Not because of a couple of comments left on my blog. Cripes, people, it’s the interweb! Those comments basically mean I’M FAMOUS NOW. Comments are just that. Comments. And sure, something someone says might totally fry yer bacon, but when you have a blog, you open yourself up to that kind of stuff. Frankly, it’s pretty cool that people are so impassioned by buttercream.

I cried yesterday because you all sent such sentimental emails expressing concern for Elsa and I. Email after email. And y’all sent some of the most incredible birthday wishes a woman could ever hope to receive. You people are pretty sappy. And I loves ya for it. But if you think for one second that I’m not going to try to beat your asses in the next competition? You are way wrong.

Basically, this is my playground. I hope you’ll have fun here with me. And let’s face it, if anyone should be mad, it’s The Rutherfords. I’ve basically united the entire interweb against them.

I’m going to eat some birthday cake now. Oh, and just so you know? I’ve got a super-awesome birthday round up to share with you soon… with VIDEOS!

Cripes, people. I’ve aged an extra year overnight. Yesterday’s Bake My Cake voting was off da hook. When I went to bed last night, Elsa, who had been in the lead for about 16 hours, was still in the lead. An eat-my-dust lead. Six hours later, I woke up and everything had changed. Don’t you just love a birthday surprise? Hundreds of people continued to vote. Apparently, everyone Eliza knows. So, Eliza had the lead. A strong lead. And then an hour later? Elsa was back on top. MOTHER OF PEARL! Votes during the last several minutes of polling were coming in at an average of one vote per second. Every vote cast for Elsa was met by a vote for another contender. IT. WAS. EPIC. I had to put my bite guard back in.

So, it is with shattered nerves that I am pleased to announce that Elsa and her Tugging At Your Heartstrings Cake have come from the front, behind, and then the front again to win Bake My Cake 2012! Congratulations, dear, sweet  Elsa! I will bring your prize to the studio today. And you can do a victory lap. Your entry made my heart do a triple tour en l’air. And, people, you should know that Elsa is one of the most lovely girls you could ever meet. Thoughtful and kind, generous and gentle in spirit. To know her is to love her, and I loves her a lot.

I’d like to send a big thank you shout out to the voters – you made the competition extra fun, and many of you left thoughtful comments for the competitors. Thousands and thousands of people stopped by to check out my birthday cakes! That says something, and that something is: movita Bake My Cake is awesome. And it was made awesomer by all of you.

I can attest to the amount of work that went into each and every one of this year’s creations, and I thank the competitors for that. I am thrilled that each of you would go to such great efforts to support my little contest here. But also, I’m amazed that so many of you would go to the trouble of baking me a birthday cake. Seventeen birthday cakes! And lots of squealing with delight.

I hope you’ll meet me back here next year. Bake My Cake 2013 is bound to be exciting. I wonder if Shannon and Katherine will still be speaking with me… Will Eliza and Carol Anne will be out for buttery revenge? Will Paul and Haddy battle again? Perhaps a gingery blitzkrieg in December? And let’s pause for a minute to think about what Elsa might be capable of in another year…

So, thanks for making my birthday so terrific. I am truly touched by the generosity you’ve all shown, and I am honoured to count you among my friends.