You may have already seen this announcement during one of the weekend services, but I wanted to use this week’s blog post to promote it as an opportunity for your groups to end the year with a great service event.  Our Externally-Focused Initiative team has been working diligently on this project, and they have connected with numerous agencies throughout the city with which we’ll be working on this day.

So, if your group hasn’t gotten out of the “home” and ventured into the world for awhile, maybe you should consider this opportunity.  On Saturday, May 15th, those participating will meet in the parking lot of the Student Ministries Center at 8am.  If you would like more details as to what the opportunities are and where we’ll be serving, please visit the website and then click on the link under the Spring Sweep logo:

Spring Sweep

NOTE:  If you wish to participate, you and your group will need to register through the website.  If you have any questions, please contact Crystal Thompson (cthompson@mpcc.info) or call the church at (317) 881-6727.

Grace and peace.

As amazing as this weekend was, I want to encourage all of us to remember that our responsibility, as a church, doesn’t end once the individual comes up out of the water.  We are called to accept them into the community, nurture them in the faith, and encourage them to use their God-given gifts in service to those around them.  You may be asking why I am mentioning this to you, as home groups leaders.  Well, I believe that you, as home group leaders, are some of the most strategic “next step” people within the ministry of Mount Pleasant.  It is our home groups, along with other ministries, that offer people the opportunity to move from baptism into the full life of the community and to pursue spiritual growth within small groups.

To that end, I simply want to leave you with the verse that provides the foundation upon which our home groups ministry is built–Acts 2:42:

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

By committing to this, I believe we can all help not only those who made one of the most important decisions in their life this weekend, but all those who may come after.  Remember that what you do is never small or unimportant, but rather is one of the most critical ministries within the church.

May God bless you as you continue to lead and encourage people along the path of discipleship.

Grace and peace.

[This article, while not specifically related to small groups, provides some thought-provoking ideas which are quite applicable to both you personally and to your role as a home group leader.]

Many people have suffered spiritual abuse at the hands of what is sometimes called “worm theology.” In this theology, God’s holiness is set against our sinfulness to such a degree that the only appropriate response seems to be self-loathing. The name may come from a line in the Issac Watts hymn “Alas! and Did My Savior Bleed,” which says “Would he devote that sacred head for such a worm as I?” The idea seems to be that only by abasing ourselves are we able to grasp and receive God’s mercy. Churches taken with this view think it their job to induce guilt and shame, working people up into a state of such remorse and self-revulsion that they are compelled to repent and seek God’s mercy.

This is a proven method for producing a powerful psychological experience, as the history of some types of revivalism shows. It also tends to produce a strange type of Christian, not one who is humble as much as one who is stuck in the mud of self-loathing. In case you hadn’t heard, self-loathing is not a fruit of the Spirit.

Our instinct is to counter this approach with a theology of worth. This seems logical enough, but as I noted in my last column, it also leads to theological confusion of another sort. Then again, columns that question worth theology tend to produce their own confusion, as did mine. Some thought I might be advocating a type of worm theology. Well, such people should be deeply ashamed of themselves!

Just kidding! But it wouldn’t hurt to look a little more deeply at these issues, since they are so confusing and so easily tend to misunderstanding.

For example, how is it that focusing on our worth, though it makes us feel good in the short run, is actually bad news in the long run?

First, we need to note that language of “worth” and “value” are economic words. It’s no coincidence that those embedded in a culture of advanced capitalism tend to frame the world with economic metaphors. But economic words like value andworth primarily refer to things, like diamonds or real estate. When language most appropriate to describe things is applied to people, it isn’t long before we begin to see people as things. We start talking about people as having qualities that make them valuable. Just as a house might have hardwood floors and a finished basement, people are said to have creativity or compassion or dignity that make them valuable. We end up appraising people as we appraise houses.

Second, the search for intrinsic value is a never-ending quest. For every quality that suggests we’re valuable, we can think of ten others that suggest we’re damaged goods—not as valuable as we might hope. This is one reason you can never talk a person of low self-worth into having an attitude of high self-esteem. They just counter every positive affirmation with an equally weighty self-criticism. If we ground our self-worth on our qualities, we’ll never escape the deep fear that we really aren’t valuable. There’s just too much evidence that rattles us.

Third, an emphasis on human worth inevitably moves our focus away from God, which is always a disaster. Some balk at this, reminding us that our valuable qualities have been given to us by God, which should lead us to thank him. But in practice, we end up doing a lot of navel gazing when we start talking about our self-worth, looking within for those qualities that can help us feel good about ourselves. It isn’t surprising that faith in God often becomes merely a means of feeling good about ourselves.

At this point, many will wonder, “So what’s wrong with feeling good about ourselves?” and “But don’t people have value?” These very questions, however, arise out of a worldview that is addicted to thinking about the self. It’s like an alcoholic asking, “Isn’t wine a gift of God to be enjoyed in gratefulness?” In one way, it’s a legitimate question, but when asked by an addict, the right answer will only tempt the addict and make things worse! If we who are addicted to the self try to answer questions of human dignity and self-worth head on, we’ll just fall into a drunken stupor of narcissism.

Some see a way out by saying that we have value because we are created in the image of God. We are like God—we are creative, we reason, we love, and so forth—so we must be valuable. But again, note how the language reverts to talk about qualities that make us valuable. And we’re stuck in impersonal language more appropriate to things. And lying, once again, in the gutter of self-absorption.

I believe there is a more excellent way.

In my last column, I mentioned a sermon I had heard. Referring to the three parables in Luke 15, the preacher noted the value of the lost sheep and the lost coin, and how this motivated the shepherd and the widow to seek them out. This, I suggested, can only lead to confusion in our culture. But what the preacher said next is very much at the heart of the good news: When the father looked at the prodigal son, he did not see junk but a son. The preacher wisely had moved from impersonal language to very personal language—and that makes all the difference.

When God looks at us in Christ, he doesn’t see a package of qualities. He doesn’t appraise our value, either negatively—”You miserable sinners!” or positively—”You are a person of infinite value!” Instead he looks and sees not a thing composed of qualities but a son or daughter whom he loves. As Paul puts it,

When the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children.And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” (Gal. 4:4-6, New Living)

Personal relationship, not intrinsic value, is the recurring motif of the Bible. When the Bible says that we have been created in the image of God, I don’t believe it has much to do with god-like qualities we might possess. The Bible spends little time talking about our image bearing qualities—well, except to suggest how far we fall short of living up to those qualities! Instead, I think we need to take this metaphor—being made in the image of God—a little more literally.

When I look into a mirror, I see a reflection of myself. That reflection is made in my image, and there is a direct relationship between the reflection and me. The reflection has little significance in and of itself. It has great and lasting significance because it is a reflection of my real self.

God is, in one sense, our real self, and we are but reflections of him. I don’t want to push that idea too far, for there is a sense in which we do have an “independent” existence apart from God. But the point is this: our bearing the image of God has less to do with our god-like qualities and much, much more to do with our relationship with God. Like an image in a mirror, our lives are utterly dependent on the one in whose image we are created. We are designed to correlate with the one whose reflection we are. Our lives will be distorted if we are not in direct correspondence with the one whose image we reflect.

So while there is very little talk in Scripture about the intrinsic worth and dignity of human beings, there is a great deal of talk about God’s relationship with his people. It’s that relationship—not our worth or value or qualities or lack thereof—that consumes God’s heart and mind. He is portrayed as alternatively angry and dejected by our forsaking of him, and is shown to be a God who relentlessly pursues us: “How can I give you up?” (Hos. 11:8). He comes to us in Christ to heal, once and for all, that broken relationship: “In Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself” (2 Cor. 5:19). This apparently had been his plan from the beginning: “He predestined us for adoption,” says Paul.

We read the Bible not just to answer our questions but to frame the questions themselves. In our state of confusion, we’re always tempted to ask the wrong questions. But God is so gracious he reveals not only the core issues that confront us, but the core questions we should be pondering. And when we read the Bible, then, we see that the urgent human question is not, “Do I have value and worth?” The Bible isn’t particularly hostile to this question; it’s just that the question stands on the periphery. And it stays there because this question has an uncanny ability to distract us from things that really matter, things we really should be thinking about.

According to the Bible, the more relevant human question is, “Am I loved?” And even though that is a question about the self, it has a funny way of leading to something much larger than the self.

Mark Galli is senior managing editor of Christianity Today, and author of A Great and Terrible Love: A Spiritual Journey into the Attributes of God (Baker).

Grace and peace.

If your group would like to do this study, you’ll be the first ones here at Mount Pleasant, and I would love for you to offer some feedback on how it worked for you group–what were its strengths; what were its weaknesses.  Please contact Lynn Albin (lalbin@mpcc.info) if you would like to utilize this study for your home group.

Grace and peace.

This opportunity to serve is during the weekend of April 17th and 18th.  Times for this service opportunity are negotiable.  Yet, all questions, as well as agreements to serve, should be directed to Paula Mills.  You can reach her by email:  millspaquette@aol.com.

Please consider this opportunity to serve our neighbors and community members by giving just a small portion of your time.

Grace and peace.

Building communities within our church is hard work. It shouldn’t be hard work, since God created us for community. But we live in a broken world that has altered and inhibited the relationships God created us to enjoy. For that reason, it’s helpful for us to examine the different road blocks that often prevent communities from being formed, and that damage communities that used to be healthy.

In my experience, here are four of the biggest community killers that we as church leaders have to overcome.

The Challenge of Time

The first challenge to cultivating relationships is also the most valuable commodity in our western world today. People talk about this commodity in the U.S. like some people in the developing world talk about food or water. You know what it is, of course. It’s time! We simply don’t have enough time.

I was standing in the atrium of my church a year ago handing out cards about our small groups. A young couple came up to me and began to chat. They were newly married. When I asked if we could connect them with a group, they explained that they would like to do it down the road, but they were really busy right now. I almost laughed in their faces. I have three kids, a demanding job, and a home to maintain. Busy? They don’t know anything about being busy. But it’s a common song today, isn’t it?

Do you know what most people are busy doing? In a typical week, people spend most of their time at work. The second biggest consumer of time is sleep. Both of those are necessary. However, do you know what the third most time-consuming activity is? Watching television.

According to the Nielsen Media service, the average American watches nearly 5 hours of TV a day. That’s 35 hours a week and over 1,500 hours per year. Let me break that down another way. The average American watches 1.5 days of TV per week. That turns into 78 days per year—which is 1.6 months out of every year watching television! So, an average person who lives to be 70 will spend 5,460 days of their life watching TV. If you’re not so good at math, that’s 15 years. Fifteen years!

If churches and small groups are going to deal with this community killer, we must challenge people to really look at what is keeping them busy. Randy Frazee addressed the craze of the busy life in Making Room for Life. As developers of community, part of our mission will be to help people find the time they need to make relationships a priority.

The Challenge of Avoidance

The second challenge to cultivating relationships is what I would call avoidance. This happens in a relationship when you know you need to deal with some conflict or problem, but you just can’t.

My first real job is a good example of this. Right out of college I served on staff with a man named Fred. Fred was a championship talker. You could mention any subject and he’d wax on about it for minutes that felt like hours. Fred had a thought about everything. Now, I’ll be transparent for a minute here—I’m a talker, too. I come from a long line of talkers, ramblers, and conversation dominators. (But since I’m writing this and not Fred, I will say that Fred had my talkativeness beat hands down.) Anyway, Fred and I pretty much controlled all the words on our staff of eight people. This went on for months. Every staff meeting, every lunch was like a ping-pong match between Fred and me. Every now and then we’d take a breath and someone else would talk, but then we were back at it.

I didn’t know this was a problem. (I was too busy talking). But after several months, our boss pulled me aside and asked, “Did you know that after meetings Sara goes back to her office and cries?” I couldn’t understand why. Then my boss explained that Sara—who was a bright seminary graduate—couldn’t get a word in edgewise thanks to Fred and me. For months our group had avoided the ugly truth that two talkers were killing the dynamic. But it took just one courageous guy to step up challenge us. I’m glad he did! Our group was dramatically better after that. If my boss had avoided the problem, our group would have continued to suffer. And I wouldn’t have grown as a person and become more reflective about how I contribute in a group of people.

So this is a challenge to small-group leaders. Does a problem exist in your group that regularly damages the people, relationships, or interactions within it? If so, you’ve got to deal with it. Avoiding it will only make things worse.

The Challenge of Strange People

The third challenge to cultivating relationships is what we in pastoral circles are often tempted to call “weirdoes.” Some call them ECR (extra care required) or EGR (extra grace required) people. Some gently refer to them as Emotional Black Holes. But to put things simply, they are strange. We don’t want to give these people our email addresses or cell phone numbers, much less spend time in a group with them.

Most of us have a weirdo or two in our lives. Maybe it’s End Times Larry, who sees the imminent return of Christ in every newspaper headline. Or it could be Needy Ned, who “just wants a special woman to share his life with.” Maybe it’s Steve the Bible Expert, who always knows more about the intricacies of the Bible than anyone else in the history of humanity. Or it could be Bill the amateur comedian (okay that’s me). Some of us have the weirdo in our small group. And as the saying goes, if you can’t identify the extra grace required person in your group, it’s probably you!

I think John Ortberg said it best in his book Everybody’s Normal ‘Til You Get to Know Them. Ortberg writes that we all have an “as-is” tag. Like the seconds rack at the back of a department store, we are all slightly imperfect. We are all weird.

But you know what? Odd people have a lot to teach us. Jesus says that “When you [take care of] the least of these my brothers and sisters you were doing it for me” (Matthew 25:40). It’s the castaway people that often provide the best opportunity for us to learn to love. In fact, the more we love them, the more we love God.

John puts it this way: “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother” (1 John 4:20-21). The strange people are a gift to your group. They are a gift from God. Part of our job and developers of community is to help group leaders learn from the strange people in their groups. Yes, some unique people might not fit in a group. But most odd folks can be part of a group—if the group learns to love like Jesus loves.

The Challenge of Unreal Expectations

The fourth challenge to cultivating relationships and building community is unreal expectations. Let’s face it: we all have expectations—we just usually think ours are reasonable. But here are a few of the expectations often placed on small groups: intimacy, accountability, evangelism, deep fellowship, deep worship, emergency service personnel, and so on. Sometimes our church leadership expects a small group to take a person from unbeliever to missionary in two years—in a group that meets every other week and takes summers and holidays off!

But perhaps the biggest challenge is the expectation of intimacy. Let me ask you: how often have you tried to “sell” small groups based on intimacy? You know, you promised deep friendships; you told perspective members that if they joined a group, they would grow closer than a family. Does this happen often or rarely?

In his book The Search to Belong, Joe Myers points out that human beings only need a few intimate relationships. We need lots of social and personal relationships, but intimacy isn’t required to enjoy a relationship. In fact, intimacy can deter it. Imagine you’re in a couples small group and one of the men shares that he really struggles with lust. He tells the couples circled around the coffee table how difficult it is not to look at women and take a sensual snap shot. That’s an intimate level of sharing! But do you think that would help the group or harm it?

It’s not that a small group shouldn’t be intimate, but when people expect a certain level of intimacy they will usually get ticked off if the group stays on the surface. Some people expect their small group to be an intense Bible Study, for example—especially people who have a background in Bible-Study Fellowship or Campus Crusade or The Navigators. If you expect a typical small group to morph into an in-depth exploration of biblical texts, you will be disappointed. It’s not that we want “shallow,” it’s that we can’t agree what deep is!

In order to address these unreal expectations, it’s important for a group to honestly talk about what each member hopes to experience in the group. And when a member voices an unreal expectation, it is more than okay for the leader to set expectations that are more reasonable.

One final thing concerning community killers in our small-group ministries: there are no barriers that can’t be overcome with the help from God’s Spirit and the willing hearts of group participants. So go out and knock some down.

—Bill Search is the author of Simple Small Groups (Baker, 2008) and writes regularly at http://www.simplesmallgroups.com; copyright 2010 by the author and Christianity Today International.

As you may have guessed, the value I found in this video is not so much that the speaker relates her points to small groups ministry. Rather, as she focuses on the dangers of understanding people through only one story, I began to see how this might be a temptation in the intimacy of small groups. We get to hear about peoples’ struggles, desires, worries, concerns, doubts, and the like, and, at times, it’s easy to understand them and who they are simply through what’s been shared in the group. Or, an even bigger temptation comes into play when we consider sin. All too often, when someone reveals or is revealed to have been engaged in some form of ongoing sin, the struggle is to keep from understanding them through only the story of their sin.

Imagine if Jesus had only related to Peter through his doubts; or Judas through his betrayal; or James and John through their ambition. Imagine if God only related to you through the worst things you have done. Would that be an accurate picture of who you are? Or would it only be piece? I want to encourage us, as we continue to go about the work of the home groups ministry, to fight against the temptation to understand people through only one story–whether it’s a story we’ve heard from someone else or one which they themselves have revealed to us. We are all complex beings, and our identity and who we are is often more than one story can tell.

Thanks belong to God that He can relate to us beyond just the one story of our sin.

Grace and peace.

So, here’s how this will work.  Going forward, I plan on having three training videos/sessions for you as home group leaders.  Instead of using the online platform we had intended to use (and still plan on using in the future), I will be posting those videos online, via this blog, with some supplemental reading and things to consider.  Hopefully this will offer you some helpful tools and suggestions as you lead your home group.

The first video should be posted within the next two weeks.  These training posts will not take the place of the regular Monday blog post, but rather will be posted at another day during the week.  Those of you who have signed up for the Feedburner blog feed should receive any new updates/posts via email the day following the post to the blog.  Those of you who are not signed up for the feed will simply have to check back here regularly to determine if anything new has been posted.  (If you would like to sign up for the feed in order to receive the emails, please let me know.)

God’s peace to you this week.

Rather than encouraging you to give up something during this time of year before the celebration of Resurrection Sunday (i.e., Easter), I would like to encourage you, in your role as a home group leader, to take up something new.  It’s during this time of year, after months and months of leading a small group, where it becomes quite easy to neglect certain aspects of our role as leaders.  It becomes easier and easier to disconnect from the members of our group the six days of the week on which we don’t meet.  We get busy, forget about our group until it’s time to hurriedly prepare for whatever lesson we might be doing that week, and then group care goes by the wayside.

So, to combat this, I want to challenge all of us to take up something new, in our role as home group leaders, during this Lenten season to encourage our group members.  It might be a card, an email, a phone call, or a conversation over coffee before work–whatever it is, I want to encourage us to reconnect, if need be, with the members of our groups in some way through the rest of the week.  I believe it is these little “touches” that create intimacy and wholeness within a small group.  If we allow our leadership to get compartmentalized into only what we do when our group is physically together, then we begin to lose sight of how we might grow relationally with one another.

Begin this week by brainstorming ways you might connect with the members of your group during the week.  Spend time cultivating relationships, and then allow those deepened relationships to be the fertilizer for the spiritual life of your group.

May God’s peace be with you all this week.

Grace and peace.