MRNspace.com

MRN Face! Part 1!

2010-03-10T00:45:00.009-05:00

When I was born, I came out my momma's butt and the doctors said, "Oh my god! He has two umbilical chords!" But they were wrong. One was a penis. They weren't sure which. So now I have both. And they are both awesome. And because I've been so blessed, I walk through life making an awesome face. The most awesome face of all time, it's called the MRN Face, and I'm obviously the first and only person to make it. Many of my friends have had the distinct privilege of being near this national treasure. But soon the entire world will embrace this succulent human resource.

The MRN Face:

Just some of the privileged few who have witnessed the glory first hand:

MRN and Succulent Girlfriend, Jill:

MRN and Succulent pet dog, Sandy:

MRN and Succulent friends:

Stay Tuned ... Part 2 is going to the next level.

Like when you get a massage and the lady doing the massage is about 52 years old, and half way through she says, in a raspy voice created by 30 years of cigarette smoking, "want a happy ending to this hot stuff?" "Want a cherry on top of this ice cream cup fancy pants?"

... yeah ... yeah, that kind of next level. MRN Face Part 2 cumming this summer. Mwa ha ... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!

THE OSCARS 2010: MRN LIVE BLOGGING!

2010-03-07T17:13:00.058-05:00

Live Oscar Commentary Tonight! Hit REFRESH on your browser about every 15 minutes.

8:27pm: I just turned on the Red Carpet thing. It's pretty much over, I didn't see any of the dresses. So, sorry gays, but I can't comment on this part. However, I can guess. Sarah Jessica Parker wore a lovely saddle, and Mo'Nique still hasn't shaved her legs. (seriously, google it, you'll throw up in your mouth)

8:30pm: And the gay superbowl begins!

8:33pm: Doogie Howser just sang some song. I don't know, I got distracted by a corn chip that looks like a wiener. I ate it, which I felt kind of weird about.

8:43pm: Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin did some jokes about the nominees. Boring, pg, safe, dumb, jokes. Not a single penis joke.

8:44pm: First award of the night. Best supporting actor goes to ... Christoph Waltz. I was right. I'm always right. He was great in Inglorious Basterds. Probably one of my favorite Nazi's ever. I mean, there's a lot, but probably my favorite.

8:59pm: Best Animated movie goes to ... Up. I'm two for two in my predictions. It was great. I didn't cry, because I'm a man, but ... I felt feelings and I had a period while I watched it.

9:01pm: Miley Cyrus and some other little girl are giving out the reward for best orginal song. I don't like her voice, it's really deep. Like Darth Vader deep. All the original songs are stupid. I predict the song from The Weary Heart will win. And of course, as always ... I was right! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha! I told Jill (my gf) what to pick and if she gets them all right she wins cash money at an Oscar Party out in L.A. So far, I am dominating. I am a god. That's probably too much. But I'm like an Indian God or something. If they can have an elephant head lady, they can have MRN.

9:12pm: Robert Downey Jr. and the chick with the scar on her face are about to give the award for best original screenplay. They're being funny. I like them. They may live. I picked Quentin Tarantino and the winner is ... what?! What?! The guy from The Hurt Locker won?! BOLLOCKS! Well, i missed one, and now it looks like The Hurt Locker might win best picture. Even though, nobody saw it, and nobody cares about it. Way to go Oscars, way to make yourself increasingly irrelevant by picking movies nobody sees and nobody really cares about. Asses.

9:17pm. Molly Ringwald and Ferris Bueller! Man, I used to LOVE Molly Ringwald when I was a kid. I probably jerked it to her almost as much as Princess Leia. But I was kinda young, so only air, and confusion would come out. They are introducing a piece about John Hughes. Who made a ton of awesome movies from the 80's that I loved and still love.

9:28pm: Now a couple of hunnies are giving out the award for best Short Film. I wish this show was short.

Some French guy just won for best short animated movie that nobody will EVER see in their entire lives. Congrats. Frenchy. But his acceptance speech was nice. So he may live.

9:33pm Best documentary short goes to ... does it really matter? I wish the Cavs were playing right now, I'm bored. A gay black guy and a some old Jewish Lady are talking about ... does it really matter?

9:35pm Best animated short. I want a gun so I can just end things right now, this is going on FOREVER. Yay, The New Tenants won! Yay, I don't know what the eff that is, yay!

9:38pm: Ben Stiller is dressed as a Na'vi from Avatar. Sacha Baren Cohen was supposed to do this bit too, but the producer of the Oscars is friends with James Cameron and thought he might be offended. Google it. Also Google "two girls one cup" while you are busy googling things. The Award for best makeup goes to ... Star Trek! Woo! Oops, i told my gf, it would be The Young Victoria and she kinda thought it would be Star Trek. She listened to me. And she's a makeup artist in Hollywood. So ... my bad. Sorry babe. But you gotta love my enthusiasm!

9:49pm: Best Adapted Screenplay. First I picked Precious, then changed it to Up In The Air ... and damn! Precious won. Always go with your gut!!!!!! Sorry Jill.

9:55pm Robbin Williams, famous for Old Dogs and RV, in giving out the award for best supporting Actress. I say it's Mo'nique. I will be right about this. I really wish she would shave her legs, but she was great in precious. She deserves it. ... And the winner is ... Mo'nique! Ok, i'm back on track!

10:06pm Sigourney Weaver (I think that's how she spells it?) is giving the award for production design, and I picked Avatar, and ... Avatar won! Again, I'm back on track. Ok, Jill, I hope i'm giving you a chance to win tonight. I'm bored.

10:09pm: Sarah Jessica Parker is giving out an award for best costume design. Gay people, please stop trying to tell us that she's attractive, she's not. She looks like she has a giant vagina. I picked The Young Victoria and ... The Young Victoria won! I'm really back on track. I'm on fire.

10:18pm: Twilight kids are introducing a video about Horror movies. I'm gonna use the bathroom. I have to pee, but I'm going to sit down for it, because I'm not completely sure that's all I have to do. I already had a BM earlier today, but I just feel like there might be more in there. BRB.

10:24pm: It was a false alarm. Hurt Locker won for sound editing, I picked Avatar. I didn't see Hurt Locker, but I don't like it. I liked Avatar. The Oscars are stupid. Suck it Oscars! Unless I ever win one. Then I'll suck it : /

Now Sound mixing, I Picked Avatar and again, freaking nobody gives a fancy crap about it, Hurt Locker wins! The hell with the hurt locker. NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE HURT LOCKER YOU STUPID ELITIST PANTY LICKERS! NO WONDER NOOOOOOOOOBODY CARES ABOUT THE OSCARS ANYMORE. THE NUMBER ONE MOVIE BY FAR IS GETTING EFFED IN THE A, FOR A MOVIE THAT 3 PEOPLE WILL SEE! SUCK ME!

10:28pm: I'm sleepy. This is boring. I like it that when i fold up my arm, my elbow looks like a butt. Gross. Should I put my finger in it?! Oh man ... I'm doing it. Siiiiiiiiiiiiick! That was sooooo gay!

10:35: Sandra Bollock announces that Avatar guy won for best cinematography. Crap basket! I picked Hurt Locker for this one! Tits! Sorry Jill. It's all b.s. anyway babe.

10:37: Ashton Kutcher's cougar is introducing the dead people. And the audience is applauding for the ones they are most happy are dead.

10:45pm: J-Ho and Avatar are introducing best music. Oh no ... dancers. Sigh. Jesus, my lord and savior why do you have to mock me with dancers?!

10:52pm: And after like 20 minutes of dancing that nobody cared about the winner for best score is Up. Which deserved it! And which I picked! Finally they are not making a mockery of life anymore.

10:54pm: Visual Effects Award goes to ... if it's not Avatar, then the people who pick this award should just go ahead and find a way to shove their entire heads into their anal cavities. ... The winner is ... Avatar. Another I got right. Worship me! Kinda!

11:04pm: The Cove won for best documentary. I think it was about dolphins. My watery enemies. Remember they aren't smiling, their faces are just born that way. Don't trust them. I didn't pick this to win, but I also didn't care. I wonder what a dolphin tastes like. Probably tastes like victory.

11:06pm: Tyler Perry is doing something.

Best film editing goes to: I picked Avatar and so of course the winner is The Hurt Locker. Again. No good.

11:08pm: This is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BORING. I SHOULD BE WATCHING CARTOONS OR AT LEAST DRUNK RIGHT NOW. THIS IS PAINFUL!!!!!!!! I'm declaring it now ... I'm saying it ... The Oscars are so over! They jumped the shark, then went back and gave it a succulent reach around. They gave a reach around to a shark!

11:15pm: Quentin and some other dude are introducing the best foreign film nominees. Ching Chong Chang, Yaba Daba Do, Click Click Click, and The White Ribbon. And the winner is Blarg Blah Blumkin Queef. I might have spelled that wrong. Oscars, congratulations, this show is the most boring thing in the history of everything. How about not sucking next time? I don't know if I even want to ever win one of these. I'd have to show up to this suck fest and sit through it for like 5 hours. Uhg. I'd rather sit at home, jerk it, eat pizza and play x-box. That's not true. I'm never gonna get an x-box : /

11:24pm: I wasn't paying attention. I don't know what all these bitches are doing on stage.

Oh, they are giving out the award for best actor. Jeff Bridges should win. But maybe they'll give it to The Hurt Locker just to continue being dicks.

This is going on forever. BTW, fun fact, Morgan Freeman is having sex with his step daughter. Nice. Google it.

Ok, so while all this verbal fellatio takes place, I want to point out that the reason nobody cares about award shows anymore is because they are so self important, politically correct, and dull.

And Kate Winslet (who i've seen naked in every single movie she ever did, good thinking) announces the best actor ... the winner is .... Jeff Bridges! Ok, i got another one. But my picks are sucking almost as much as the Oscars : /

11:41pm: Blabbidy bla bla bla ... and the Oscar for best girl actor goes to ... after 40 minutes of build up ... Sandra Bullock! Yay, i got another one. She deserved it.

11:52pm: Barbara Streisand, who always finds a way to make my penis invert, is talking about the first woman or first black guy could win for best director. I think they are going to give it to a woman, for the stupid Hurt Locker. Even though her ex husband, James Cameron deserves to win it. And the winner goes to ... Kathryn Bigelow, which I predicted, but not because she deserved it.

11:58pm: And now the guy from Turner and Hooch, Tom Hanks came out and quickly gave the award to the movie nobody saw, will see, or cares about, The Hurt Locker. This is the reason people are not really watching The Oscars anymore. They pick movies that are ok, but not really that great, and give them the big awards. When a groundbreaking, amazing movie like Avatar comes out, they get screwed. Way to go Oscars, you have once again proven you are irrelevant. So ... right here Academy Awards, ... deez nuts.

Another waste of an evening by out of touch Hollywood! Thanks for nothing! Next year I'm watching Food Network : /

The Oscars are dead.

my pre-show predictions:

best picture: Avatar (got jipped by the Hurt Locker which nobody saw or cares about)
best actor: Jeff Bridges (I was right)
best actress: Sandra Bullock (I was right)
best director: Kathryn Bigelow (I was right)
best supporting actor: Christoph Waltz (I was right)
best supporting actress: Mo'Nique (I was right)
best original screenplay: Quentin Tarantino (b.s. the Oscars were wrong)
best adapted screenplay: Jason Reitman (I was right, the Oscars were wrong)
best animated: Up

Best Chatroulette Screen Caps!

2010-03-02T08:51:00.003-05:00

Tired of going on Skype to see the penises and boobs of people you KNOW?! Well, thank Jeebus President Obama created a brand new website called Chatroulette.com! On Chatroulette you can go on webcam with complete and total strangers! What could possibly go wrong?

Here are some of my favorite screen captures from Chatroulette!

Kitchen.

This is how it began : /

What are the odds?

Nice Tats*

You thought you were sooo special.

Aw.

You gonna get raped!

I'm talking to the guys.

Do you have exercise in Estonia?

Breakthrough.

Obviously.

Dad?

Photobombs 3!

2010-02-17T22:50:00.006-05:00

Back with part 3 of "Photobombs." Photobombs are when a person or animal ruins a picture. Ruining things is good. I've ruined pictures, lives, and most of my orifices.

Your excitement dissolved your chin.

You sir, are a national treasure.

Good boy.

Finally someone had the guts to puke what everyone was thinking. This wedding is a sham.

Even back in the day...

...dogs liked buttsex.

If MRN were a middle aged Japanese man ...

... all my dreams would come true.

I know right.

That's where poop and babies come from, it IS amazing.

Goddammit Dad ...

... stop coming to my proms!

That Bitch Be Like ...

... I don't respect your Asian girlfriend, ass.

Who?

... Is the real winner here?

Don't Judge...

... we all have hobbies : /

I've said it a million times ...

Black people do NOT respect goths.

First of all ...

First: How about eyes on the road hoebag.

Second: Whoever, or whatever you allowed to have sex with your vagina, gave you a devil child. That child is the devil. You should probably not tell the men you meet at bars about your devil child. They probably wont want to touch your vagina if they know the devil used to live in it.

Third: You have a nice smile, devil-vagina-unsafe-driver-lady.

Offend Youngstown!

2010-02-10T23:33:00.019-05:00

Facebook is a great way to connect to friends and family. Connecting to them by tagging them as a picture of cat balls.

But it's also a great way to calmly and intelligently discuss the important issues in the world and your community. And that is precisely why I created the facebook group "Did my man cheat because I have only one leg?"

However, that group never had a firm footing, so I created an even better group! A group about a community I sorta, kinda, almost live near, in a way, maybe, for now: Youngstown, Ohio!

A lot of people care a great deal about this mecca for crime, corruption, and poverty, and they created the group Defend Youngstown. Which is a great group, and they do great work. After all, if you spend any time in Youngstown, knowing how to defend yourself will probably keep you from being ass-rape-murdered.

Some people see the glass half full.

Some see it half empty.

I pooped in the glass, and Offend Youngstown on Facebook © was born!

To learn more about Youngstown, Ohio and the Offend Youngstown © group please watch the following documentary footage:

Comment. Join the group. ( o Y o )

10 Best Wizards Of All Time!

2010-02-09T22:54:00.006-05:00

In legends and fairy stories, a wizard is a man who has magic powers. Or sometimes he's just a drunk pervert with a beard, who convinces you he's a wizard, only to have you discover his "magic power" is nothing more than an arthritic finger and a compulsion. Last time I go to that park alone : /

10. Jafar

Powers:
- Magic
- Talking Gilbert Gottfried Parrot
- Member of Al Qaeda

9. Saruman

"We must join with Him, Gandalf. We must join with Sauron. It would be wise, my friend." ... gay!

Powers:
- Magic
- Persuasion
- Beard

8. Merlin

Powers:
- Magic
- Tantric Massage
- Defensive tackle for the Los Angeles Rams

7. Gandalf The Gray

Powers:
- Magic
- Midgets

6. Gilbert Arenas

Powers:
- 3 point shot
- Guns
- Black

5. Harry Potter

Powers:
- Magic
- Glasses

4. Dumbledore

Powers:
- Magic
- Dead (spoiler alert)

3. Mr. Wizard

Powers:
- Science
- Magic
- 3 point shot

2. Gandalf The White

Powers:
- Magic
- Born again
- White Power

1. Kitty Wizard

Powers:
- All of them.

10 Best Movies Of 2009

2010-02-02T10:38:00.003-05:00

Since the Academy Awards weirdly (desperate attempt at driving up more interest for a show nobody watches anymore) now has 10 nominee's for best picture. Mostly good choices, but my list is better, more supple, and tight. I don't know what that means.

note: In a perfect world, Old Dogs would win every award ever, but we live in a sick world, with an angry God, so here are the 10 other best movies of last year:

10. 'Anvil! The Story of Anvil'
- It's the story of Anvil

9. Precious
- Oprah plays every part.

8. Star Trek
- Story of a young Luke Skywalker and his space friends.

7. Fantastic Mr. Fox
- Great makeup.

6. District 9
- District 8 was better.

5. Inglorious Basterds
- I learned a lot about WW2.

4. Zombieland
- You should take your young children to see it.

3. Where the Wild Things Are
- Kinda long Yeah Yeah Yeah's music video.

2. Up
- I wept like a young girl from start to finish, I even started my period during the movie.

1. Avatar
- 7foot naked smurfs in 3D! My prayers are finally being answered in life.

I haven't seen The Hurt Locker, A Serious Man, An Education, or 500 Days of Summer yet. But I've seen every other single movie including the ones you keep hidden in the back of your sock drawer, you sick sick people.

Music Wars! The Beatles vs The Rolling Stones vs Elvis vs Cameo

2010-02-01T21:40:00.010-05:00

Brand new edition to MRNspace: Music Wars!

4 Musical Acts Enter, One leaves. ... because the others are murdered. Well, not really murdered, but I just pick which one I like the most. And then I spend a year stalking them and murder them. Well not Elvis, he's already dead. But I will murder his family! Wait, wait I think I'm getting confused. Ok, so nobody gets "murdered" but still ... 4 Musical Acts Enter, but only One Survives! And is murdered.

1st:

The Beatles

Skills: Awesome Songs, Beard Growing, Fancy Outfits, Ringo

Weaknesses: Dying, Ringo

next:

The Rolling Stones

Skills: Awesome Songs (until the mid 80's,) Immortality, Karate

Weaknesses: Eating Disorders, Massive Drug Abuse, Poor Typing

next:

Elvis

Skills: Fancy Outfits, King of Rock n Roll, Karate

Weaknesses: Dead, Massive Drug Abuse, Athlete's Foot

next:

Cameo

Skills: Awesome Songs, Fancy Outfits, Black

Weaknesses: Dead? Maybe, nobody knows, Only one hit song, Black

- Beatles defeat Elvis, it was 4 to 1. Well, really 3 to 1, I'm not counting Ringo.

- Rolling Stones defeat Cameo, which shocked me because Cameo is black. But Charlie Watts stabbed him.

Which left it to Beatles vs. Rolling Stones.

Two Men Enter ... Each Other ... One Man Leaves.

Winner: ?

Your comments will decide.

God Hates Lady Gaga! But MRN Loves Her.

2010-01-31T20:17:00.010-05:00

Those rascally silly-billies at the Westboro Baptist Church have a brand new target for their adorable hatred: Lady Gaga.

For those of you unfamiliar, the Westboro Baptist Church is pretty much made up of one batshit crazy family that really, really, no REALLY hates gay people. I mean they HAAAAAAAAATE the gays. They hate the gays sooooo much that they celebrate and hold up signs at the funerals of our U.S. soldiers. Why do they do this? Because we don't execute the gays like the Westboro Baptist Church would like.

They are just precious.

So with their infinite wisdom, besides enjoying the death of our soldiers and hoping that all Americans (other than them) die, they have turned their sights onto Lady Gaga. I don't even feel like making fun of her. And I make fun of EVERYONE. But not her. I know her vagina is probably filled with the same acid that is the blood for the Aliens in the Alien movies, and if I had sex with her, my penis would be burnt off, but I still refuse to make fun of her.

God apparently hates Lady Gaga:

Why does THAT turn me on?!

"You pissed off God, you'll see what he's got."

oooooh, you little bastards.

Here is the original, and less hate filled, but just as weird original version:

But The Westboro Baptist Church thinks that Lady Gaga and EVERYONE who likes her is going to Hell. Which means that the Westboro Baptist Church thinks I am going to hell. That's right, me, MRN! IS GOING TO HELL! LIKE HELL I AM!

GO TO HELL WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH! SUCK IT, EAT IT, CHOKE ON IT, (i'm talking about my penis and me balls) AND DIE! ... YOU DUMB HORRIBLE SICKINING BITCHES!

Google Search Recommendations?!

2010-01-27T10:51:00.010-05:00

Google is a great way to ~~find porn~~ find information that you need. Information about ~~porn~~ any number of topics. However, either through mischief, or through accident, a lot of Google's search recommendations take you to a place you might not have intended to go. Sort of like that time I drank too much in that truck stop bathroom and fell asleep. I ended up making new friends and new appointments to my proctologist. That's a joke about being anally raped. ba da ching

Here are some of my favorite Google Search Recommendations! Part 1.

Can he?

... Yes. It's in the bible.

Discharge?!

... Because you're whore.

Asians.

... I'm responsible for most of those questions. Sorry : /

Fat Girlfriend.

... Your girlfriend weighs 310 pounds, and it's the best you will ever get because you are technically retarded and you have no genitals.

Italiano Browno

... Everybody likes a little bit of brown sugar in their cannoli every once in a while. That's a spicy meatball yo.

There are so many of them!

... again, my bad on this. I think I'm mostly responsible for it. It's just that, they have no peripheral vision and I fear that.

Of course they do.

And yes to all the pube questions.

I'm fun at picnics.

... your fruit salad is going to taste awesome!

Naturally.

... roar.

Chris Hanson.

... but I mostly hope she made lots of spaghetti.

Goodbye for now Coco!

2010-01-23T08:15:00.005-05:00

After getting ass-raped by dingle-berry licker, Jeff "Mother" Zucker, Cone Bone can now fly free (starting in September.)

Here is Conan, his band, Will Ferrell, Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top, Beck, and Ben Harper singing Free Bird.

Conan died for our sins.

Never forget.

We remember all here at MRNspace.com. We remember all.

R.I.P. Arsenio Hall 1956 - Kinda still alive.

2 Movie Reviews! By Guest Contributor!

2010-01-22T04:23:00.005-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted as much lately. I've been busy with the Jersey Shore marathon and slowly killing myself. But here I am back and blacker than ever with 2 movie reviews by guest contributor: Cuntmaster 2000. She chose the name. "Judge yee not, yet you be the judge of stuff and things and dolphins and whatnot." That's a direct quote from the book of Mormon.

Spoiler Alerts for both reviews. Also, possibly an Amber Alert for both reviews:

Review 1.

Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock Schlong.

They try to make you feel like Watson has reason to live vs engaging in Sherlock's shenanigans by giving Watson a fiance, and it doesn't work. You still don't care. They at least had better chemistry between them though than Robert Downey Jr. and Rachel McUgly. I literally fell asleep during one of their boring scenes together. Boring boring boring boring. The entire movie was boring. There were moments intended for pause and laughter, but the timing was off and left me feeling awkward and angry. It was all so boring and horrible I didn't even care about the occult, and I ALWAYS care about the occult. With all the dark magic and so-called spookiness, you'd think a satanist like me would spooge all over a pentacle, but nope, I didn't even touch myself, not once. I'm so damn bored even talking about the boredom, so let's just keep at this--don't waste your time or money on this shit bomb. They even open it up to a sequel. Who fucking cares. And one more thing, Watson should've died in a fire but came out of it with a papercut. Bull fucking shit. So stupid, all so very stupid.

Review 2.

The Princess And The Frog

This is going to be short because I'm still blubbering away like a baby. Disney has really got to stop killing off characters, especially not two in one movie, shit. I really don't like how they dealt with the second death because they made it OK just because they allude to an afterlife. Bull fucking shit. Kids, continue to be sad, he dead, ain't no reunions with loved ones after death, you just gone, suckas.

If you're in your twenties to mid thirties, you'll be happy to know it's a lot like the Little Mermaid and Aladdin. And it teaches bitches to be self-reliant and not rely on no man oh nuh uh, you work girl, you WORK, you get on your knees and you work it.

One last item of importance--I couldn't tell if the prince was black too, I don't think he was supposed to be, I think he was just tan which made me wonder if Disney was afraid to pale him up for fear of a too obviously interracial couple. If you know what the deal is, please do tell in comment below.

Welp, I think that's all I have to say, actually. Told you it would be short. Just like my stack of dimes dick. Suck it.

- Cuntmaster 2000

How Can We Have Sex? Educational Film.

2010-01-21T16:50:00.004-05:00

Yay, I've been doing it right! Alone, but right!

I Have A Dream: Auto Tuned!

2010-01-18T22:11:00.003-05:00

T-pain couldn't have said it better.

Awesome Beard!

2010-01-15T03:58:00.003-05:00

Someday I'm going to grow this ... but not on my face.

Word Association!

2010-01-13T03:45:00.009-05:00

Word Association is believed by many to be able to reveal a great deal of a person's subconscious mind (as it shows what things they associate together.)

Certain popular psychologists like Derren Brown, have shown an ability to predict people's word associations, and some suggest that humans actually find it very difficult to disassociate words such ... zzzzzzzzzzzz wtf this is gay.

Here are my word associations, administered by prestigious psychiatrist Suresh Raja. Who I suspect of making panty bombs and working for Al Qaeda.

He handed me a list of words and we began ....

Dr. Suresh Raja: MR. MRN, here is your list, you understand how this works?

MRN: Yes, yes doctor I do. Just please don't kill me with one of your panty bombs.

Dr. Suresh Raja: I'm sorry, you said to not kill you with my what bombs?

MRN: No offense doc, but I know you brown types have started putting dynamite in your panties, and that's fine, that's your religion, but I just ask that you wait and light your panties after we finish this.

Dr. Suresh Raja: I don't understand, what is this panty lighting you speak of?

MRN: Ok, ok, I gotcha doc, you aren't wearing panties that are made of dynamite and you aren't going to try and kill me and the jews, I hear ya (wink.)

Dr. Suresh Raja: Did you just wink at me? I don't understand what all this is about. You speak of explosives and panty and then you wink at me. What are you trying to say?

MRN: Nothing doc, listen, I don't care about your war, you want to kill the infidels, i got it, whatever, good for you. I'm just sayin' please try and not light your explosive underpants because I have a lot of television left to watch in this life and I don't really want to visit Allah land and have all them virgins tear my wiener off or whatever you people believe.

Dr. Suresh Raja: Are you inferring that I am an Muslim terrorist?

MRN: You say terrorist, I say potato, you say tomato, I say tomata. It's all good doc. I just don't wanna get my penis blown up today. That's all.

Dr. Suresh Raja: I am Hindu from India! I am not a Muslim terrorist! You are a very bad person, and you very, very, ignorant!

MRN: Oh God, I mean, Oh Allah, Allah! I did not mean to anger you, please don't explode your panty bomb on me! I wont tell anybody, I promise!

Dr. Suresh Raja: I am leaving this, do not use this for your lunatic website! I hope you get some sense in your head!

MRN: Whatever you say Sheik! Please just go in peace, I don't want to be part of your war!

Dr. Suresh Raja: You are a very ignorant man! Very, very, very ignorant!

MRN: Fart.

Dr. Suresh Raja: What? Why you say this?

MRN: Fart. I don't know man, that's just what came into my head when you kept saying "ignorant." I just kept thinking how that's something people tell me sometimes when I let out a juicy fart, and so ... I said "fart." Please don't light your panty bomb on me, I'm so sorry, I'll switch sides, I'll join you! Please! Just don't blow me up!

Dr. Suresh Raja: You sicken me as a human being. Goodbye and do not call my office ever again, you understand?

MRN: I've barely understood a word you've said this whole time, what with your Al Qaeda accent and all.

Dr. Suresh Raja: I AM INDIAN! MY ACCENT IS ... FORGET IT! YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO TALK TO!

MRN: Doctor wait!

Dr. Suresh Raja: WHAT IS IT?!

MRN: I'm sorry we dropped the A-bomb on your people.

Dr. Suresh Raja: THAT WAS JAPAN YOU DUMB MOTHER FUC.... FORGET IT, YOU ARE THE WORST HUMAN BEING I HAVE EVER MET. SICK MAN. SICK!

MRN: Fart. "Fart" again. When you said, "sick," I thought of farting. I'm sorry.

10 Great Ways To Be More Green!

2010-01-12T00:48:00.013-05:00

Al Gore and some hippies made up something called "Global Warming." Then it got really cold so they started making up something called "Climate Change," which used to be known as "Seasons." Al Gore and hippies did this so they could take away my monster truck that runs on coal and baby seal oil.

But since you hippies want to pretend you are saving the planet I have some great new ways to impress your friends and feel superior to me! Here are 10 great ways to be more environmentally friendly and go more green!

10. Don't use the toilet

Toilets use a ton of water. If you have to pee, just pee in the shower. That's what I do. I also poop in the shower.

9. Eat only meat

Vegetables and fruit are very natural, and important parts of the planet. So every time you eat them, you are killing nature. Meat comes in packages, so it's ok. Try replacing things like carrots, and oranges with things like ground beef, and chitlins.

8. Female nudity

Ladies (attractive ladies,) did you know that your clothes are made in heavy polluting factories where Chinese babies work 30 hours a day to make your bras and panties? Stop wearing them. Every time you wear clothes and walk in front of my house, and keep those clothes on, you are killing Chinese babies and burning coal.

7. Spencer Pratt

Spencer Pratt emits more toxins into the atmosphere, through release of bodily fluids, than any other single source of poisonous pollutants in the world. He was recently seen urinating at the beach, and 35 sea turtles died immediately of viral hepatitis, and black plague.

6. Become a Na'vi

In Avatar, James Cameron taught us to become giant smurfs and have tail-sex with trees. This is similar to that time I had on too much spray tan and tried to have penis-sex with a house plant.

5. Burn all of your trash

We use too much space on landfills when that space could better be used to build whaling ships. So a few hours ago, I started burning all of my trash. As soon as I use any item of any kind, I immediately throw it outside, douse it in gasoline, make a vulgar anti-semitic hand gesture and let the sweet, sweet fire, similar to that which burns deep inside my blackened heart, take over and eliminate the trash problem. This one is obvious.

4. Put your finger in there

I'm not sure how this really helps the environment, but ... listen ... just do it. I wont tell.

3. Ride a hybrid

But I don't mean a car. Hybrid cars are gay. Instead ride a real hybrid, I'm talking of course about centaurs. They are fuel efficient. They are fueled mostly by hay and baby mice. They are low maintenance. You just have to brush them, and shave their genitalia twice a week. Actually, I'm not sure about that last part. Why would a centaur need his genitalia shaved twice every week? ... I'm starting to think this guy in my house isn't a real centaur. I was pretty drunk when I met him outside those fairgrounds, and now that I think about it, how did he drive that conversion van? OMG, this is so not cool, it's happened again. Dammit, every time I meet what I think is a centaur and I decide to use him as my car, he turns out to be some methed up redneck who is just tricking me into shaving his genitals! Dammit! Dammit Al Gore!

2. Stop dolphins

I don't know how, I don't know why. But dolphins are trying to kill all of us, and the sooner we put them on trains and take care of it, the safer we all are. Remember they aren't smiling because they are happy, they are smiling because they are thinking about raping your dad.

1. And of course the number one way to be more green is ...

Basket of cats

MRNspace is Black! I mean Back!

2010-01-10T23:19:00.022-05:00

Sorry I took nearly a month off, but I thought about quiting MRNspace.com because I hate you all very, very much. But I also love you ... just enough to continue doing it. So I'm going to update every ~~single day~~ Monday through Friday Maybe Kinda. But if I do, I need your help. Just click my sponsors on the right for a sec whenever you visit. Support this site! If you are rich and don't expect an HJ in return (or at least promise not to tell nobody,) you can even click my pay pal "donate button" at the top of the page and drop some mad cash on me! C'mon big popi, I know you can do it.

I'm sorry I took so long before I came back. I don't mean to hurt you baby, you make me hurt you. Why do you make me hurt you? YOU MADE ME DO THIS TO YOU! THIS IS YOUR FAULT ... YOU ARE UNCLEAN!
...

..... sorry, sorry baby, you know I don't mean it, this crack, this crack ... it makes me crazy baby, I love you girl, you know I don't mean to hurt you, you just make me so crazy sometimes and all this crack makes me all confused. You know I love you girl, you know you aint gonna ever leave this site girl, you know if you do ... I will kill you.

Sorry baby, sorry girl, I aint tryin' to scare you bitch, I'm just tired is all, I love you girl, just visit my site all the time and click on my google ads baby, that's all I want, you know I love you baby, you know you're my bitch.

It's a new year, It's 2012, we have rocket cars now. I'm gonna go hook up all these Mexican fireworks to my 97 Ford Taurus and hit the skies! Maybe I'll fly down to your projects and beep my horn at your mother. She owes me money ...

... for sex. I've had sexual intercourse for money with your biological mothers is what I'm saying. And I'm saying I'm going to remind her of this by beeping the horn of my rocket car. I just want things to be clear.

For 2010, you can expect a lot of baller-ass things on this site. More swears (like wiener, and fart, and labia.) And you can expect a lot of talk about getting it on with the 7 foot naked Smurf ladies from Avatar, and this is the year ... this is the year where it finally goes down between me and Spencer Pratt. Goes down like a load of seminal fluid from one of the many random men he meets in truck-stop bathrooms. Spencer Pratt is the new Carson Daily. They both lick dingle-berries. But I only have time for one.

Prepare yourselves, prepare yourselves for the darkness. Open your hearts to the dark lord and let him impregnate you with the anti-christ for embracing the darkness will ... ok, I'm going too far.

<3

MRN

5 Best Songs You Don't Know! ... Probably.

2009-12-12T19:46:00.004-05:00

MRN here, I've been pulling double shifts at the hospital where I do surgery and also I'm a lawyer, so I've been busy, but I'm going to try and find more time to post. For some reason tens of thousands of people from around the world visit this site every month. (It would be nice if you bastards clicked my google ads every once in a while.)

I sometimes forget that people actually like my crap. I forget because I live in a horrible, small, depressed town filled mostly with rednecks and scum who have hate inside of them where organs should be.

Sometimes I just want to cover the globe in gasoline and light a match, but a few things prevent me from doing this; my awesome girlfriend, my cool friends, my mom, my dog, movies and music... Also paint thinner.

Despite having amazing talent at every ability and god-like omnipresence over anything I take an interest in, I am no good at music. But I like it a whole lot. I like finding music and sharing it with others. Usually strangers on public transportation, but since the court orders, i'll have to share with strangers on the internet instead. So here are 5 songs that you probably don't know, but should, because I like them, and whatever I like you should like. Just do it, don't fight it, just lie back and enjoy it, it'll be easier for both of us that way. Here are the songs:

5. The Skids - The Saints Are Coming

U2 and Greenday did a cover after that snow storm hit New Orleans and all those people's houses caught on fire. But their version sucked. Here's the real thing.

4. The Knife - Pass This On

It's not what it looks like.

3. Chris Isaak - Forever Blue

A great song to think about dying to. Just sayin' : /

2. Q. Lazzarus - Goodbye Horses

You might recognize it but not know why ... this is the song from Silence of the Lambs when Buffalo Bill tucks his wiener in between his legs and gets hella gay. Great song though, just try not to picture the penis tucking. Now it's all you can think about. Sorry. Crap, now it's all I can think about too! This is why I drink.

1. Tim Phillips - Song For Ten

The song is from my favorite British Science Fiction Show, Doctor Who. If you make fun of me for loving Doctor Who, I will murder you in your sleep and marry your mom.

Tiger Woods' Mistress Pictures!

2009-12-11T05:19:00.017-05:00

Tiger Woods Mistress Pictures!

Tiger Woods, America's greatest basketball player, has been putting his balls in a lot of holes lately. He's been taking hard whacks with his club, all over the country. Here is an up-to-date list of all the road-tail this Tiger has been chasing:

Rachel Uchitel - Physicist

Mindy Lawton - Heart Surgeon

Jaimee Grubbs - Architect

Jaimie Jung - Chemical Engineer

Joslyn James - Psychiatrist

Holly Sampson - Constitutional Law Professor

Kalika Moquin - Novelist, Foreign Affairs Expert For The State Department

Rosie Odonnell - Actress and Model

Kirstie Alley - Model and Actress

Sarah Laux - Typist

Pamela Merkys - Lady Who Eats Birds, Environmentalist

Bea Arthur - Actress, Ghost

The Alien Girl From Avatar - Porn Star

Jen Li and Mindy Wu - Brain Doctors

Spencer Pratt - Feminine Product Used To Help Women Clean Their Vaginas

This Goat - Prostitute

MRN - Prostitute

Boondock Saints 2 Review

2009-12-10T14:10:00.011-05:00

Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day.

Review by: Cuntmaster 2000

Once again, the beginning of a movie made me angry, rolly eyed and somewhat horny. Rocco's little speech at the beginning of Boondock Saints II: Electric Boogaloo made me stick my upper teeth out in beerneerneerneer banjo fashion and roll my neck in circles. There's nothing more I hate in life than SOCIAL COMMENTARY. Ok, we get it, the indifference of man, blahdeeda, suck my cock.

Then it gets worse. The boy wonders are back in Ireland sporting Jesus beards and I sank myself deep into my seat, cringing with how retarded this movie was turning out to be...but then...

A single, lonely Mexican saves the day. Their new Rocco really steals the show and it turns up, way up, so high I hit the ceiling when I spooged. I'm telling you, this sequel is some funny shit, and good funny, not embarrassing funny. Great one liners like...well crap, I don't even want to give up the one liners because that's part of the greatness of the movie. I'll leave you to discover them and have yourselves a lolz. I don't even want to tell you who dies. It got an "awww" out of me. The only spoiler I'll give up is John Sears, Kelly Taylor's brief love interest on 90210, makes a small and pointless appearance. It got a "Hey, it's John Sears" out of me.

Awws and lolz all around I tell you. I suggest you check it out if you're a fan of the first. This movie has gotten horrible reviews from the media but great feedback from fans. Honestly, I thought I was going to hate this movie even though I did like the first. I liked both regardless of the director's blatant biting--sure he stole bits of bad ass-ed-ness from the likes of Pulp Fiction and The Professional but he puts it together in the right way. I was shockingly surprised instead of horrified by the sequel, and trust me, I'm a judgmental bitch. I'll be the first to tell you if shit stinks, and this smelled of roses and hot Irish donkey sweat.

Having said all that, I DO understand why the bad reviews. Like most sequels, it's a parallel, almost a complete copy of the first except with different side kicks, new side plots and venues. But if it ain't broke, don't beat it with no sticks. Predictable? Sure. But I value the overall movie experience, action and entertainment. Not everything has to be a Citizen Kane or a pansy-ass dark indie rom-com vis a vis anything Zoey Deschagay.

After the first few disappointing minutes of the movie, the only part that continued to make me go "uhhhrrrt, hurdy hurdy hurdy hardy hardy har" and hop up in a square dance is that chick who takes over Willem Dafoe's role. She attempts to be so bad ass, too bad ass that it would turn any feminist into a misogynist. I hate it when bitches try to act all hard. Stupid behtch. However, she sort of grows on me too by the end of the whole deal, lawly bawlz. It seems like everything that starts off retardo gets wrapped up into a lovely Christmas package by the end of it all, and in that package is a couple of spotted potato dicks, blood, guts, pennies and a hint to the next movie in the trinity of bromoeroticism.

- Cuntmaster 2000

MRN's Groundbreaking Short Internet Movie!!!!

2009-12-07T06:18:00.007-05:00

Once upon a time, MRN did something beyond the baller-ass humor you eat up like the last bit of meat left in the Hellish existence of your world ... he made a groundbreaking short movie designed for you little mortals on the internet. Obviously, he did this with great humility.

But now is the time, now is the time for you to begin to understand, just exactly what MRN is. What he is going to do. You will bow down before the darkness, and let the age of your world pass ... you will embrace, love and promote the holly HELL out of this. For this is the beginning. MRN does indeed begin, and it is at the expense of your very souls. Drink the blood of the unbelievers and let this destroy you from the inside! .... Behold mortals! BEHOLD ... THE TEASER TRAILER TO MRN'S GROUNDBREAKING SHORT MOVIE THAT WILL RAPE YOUR NOTIONS OF LIFE!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!! ... I meant ... ENJOY!!!!!!!!!

CLICK HERE FOR THE BEGINNING OF YOUR END!

... or just watch this:

... There is light, beauty up there ... that no shadow can touch.

Kinda Dirty Music Video Of The Week 5!

2009-12-05T01:28:00.009-05:00

It's been a while since i posted one of these. Then again, it's been a while since you've known the touch of another human being without cash involved. Soooo.... whatever, deal with it.

This MONTH'S Kinda Dirty Music Video Of The WEEK is by one of my favorite groups: Thunderheist. (an early candidate for official MRNspace band) Enjoy and then wipe off your monitor, other people at this library have to use this computer, you pervert.

MRN Climbs To The Hollywood Sign!

2009-11-30T00:47:00.005-05:00

I went to Hollywood for a while, and you know the old saying, "What happens in the big apple stays in the peach state." While I was there, I did a lot of activities. I went in the ocean and peed. I went in the pool and peed. I went to In N Out burger and I peed. I walked around the streets, and I peed. I would have gone downtown L.A., but I didn't have to poop.

That's pretty much everything I did. Also I did this: